cHanged ePistle

Famous First Words: Now you've heard the rest. --Ma Rainey Black Bottom

Welcome to Numismatic or National Coin Week (21-27). It's a really good excuse for a bunch of coiny jokes and puns that make no cents. A dime and a quarter got into a theological argument; it seems they were from different denominations.

On a plane you can pick up more and better people than on any other public conveyance since the stagecoach --Anita Loos - Funny Lady Number 1

..........Sit and talk, face to face.........Brandy & Monica …..The Boy Is Mine ~~This is National Karaoke Week (21-27) and these are the 10 most popular Karaoke songs in the US according to Billboard. This is number 10

It's when we start working together that the real healing takes place...it's when we start spilling our sweat, and not our blood. --David Hume

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The willow is waving towards the northeast and the mulberry is just waving. Two sparrows are having a heated discussion accompanied by flitting about from limb to limb. The sky is gray and white and darker gray. I have returned from the Doctor – my regular doctor – who gave me prescriptions for blood tests and chest x-rays and an ekg. More appointments to make. Ah, now we are up to a whole quarrel of sparrows and lots of happy noise. A temperature of 67°F is a pleasant surprise in a world that looks like it might be cool and rainy. Puck is making sleep snorts as a counterpoint to sparrow music. I am sipping iced water and watching the day slide by. Key lime pie is the flavor of my candle and lemon flavors my cough drop (hence the chest x-ray). The sparrows fly away and I set down to send out ePistles.

Hope your weekend jingles all the way to Monday, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: In a Stephen Colbert interview with Crosby, Stills, and Nash (2008), Stephen asks if they wanted to apologise to President Nixon for saying such hateful things about him. Crosby and Stills said no and Graham Nash said, “If fact, when I saw him at his funeral, he was still lying.”

The right wing introduced legislation to outlaw breaking dollar bills because it would mean change. / An ailment unique to coin collectors is when all their coins look exactly the same to the collector. It's called coincidence.

When I was born I was so surprised that I didn't speak for a year and a half. --Gracie Allen Funny Lady Number 2

..........Turn around, bright eyes.........Bonnie Tyler …..Total Eclipse of the Heart #9

Trivia Questions: Happy National Pretzel Day!

• ^ Which state is the Pretzel State with 45 pretzel companies?
• ^^ How do pretzels get their shine?
• ^^^ How long have pretzels been around, anyway?
• ^^^^ When did they start automating pretzel making?
• ^^^^^ Just how popular are pretzels these days?

Big Hello: Hāan – Mon (Myanmar & Thailand) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Today I will be a ray of freaking sunshine. --Submitted by HPF

Image of the Week: This is the mulberry in the backyard. I've spoken of it often. It is going to be cut down in a couple of weeks because the roots are growing into the neighbor's sewer pipes. It is the tree where the sparrow family's flying lessons took place. It is the tree that attracted so many birds when it had fruit.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 98% of librarians are left speechless each week by something a patron says with a straight face. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I brought home some coins from my visit to Korea. But I've lost my Korean won. / George took iron tablets because he thought it would make him strong. One day he let out a big fart and there was a pile of coins in his pants. The wind of change.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. --Carol Burnett Funny Lady Number 3

..........I was the last one you thought you'd see there..........Garth Brooks …..Friends in Low Places #8

Moonbeam: It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. --Marcus Aurelius

Blasphemy of the Week: Why is it that when Christians want to eat shrimp and get a tattoo it's all “Jesus made a new covenant, so the old testament laws are over”. But when they want to persecute gay people it's suddenly “Leviticus this, and Deuteronomy that.” --Submitted by gr of oh

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Bruce DeViller, of Brookfield, IL. Think of a popular online service. Change the first letter to a Y and rearrange the result to get what this service provides. NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/21/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No! A responsible adult says “no” to non-euclidean space.

Fran was out hunting and was hit by a stray bullet but the quarters she had in her breast pocket diverted the bullet. From then on she called her change her “life savings”. / Now I know why they call it “going through the change”, not only do I have hot flashes and low energy but I also have a compulsion to put all coins into neat stacks by denomination.

Memory is more indelible than ink. --Anita Loos

..........Got stacks on deck like he savin' up.........Nikki Minaj …..Super Bass #7

^ Pretzel Pennsylvania: there are about 45 pretzel companies in the state, including Snyders of Hanover. That means about 80 percent of the pretzels sold in the US are made in Pennsylvania.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 26, 2024. The moon was full (Pink) last Tuesday (4/23) and is in Sagittarius. It is World Intellectual Property Day (WIPO), Richter Scale Day, National Pretzel Day, Hug an Australian Day, Audubon Day, National Kids and Pets Day, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, Bob Wills Weekend, Arbor Day, and National Hairball Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Marcus Aurelius (121), Marie de'Medici (1573), David Hume (1711), John James Audubon (1785), Delacroix (1798), Alice Cary (1820), Ma Rainey (1886), Anita Loos (1889), Rudolf Hess (1895), Gracie Allen (1906), A.E. Van Vogt (1912), Bernard Malamud (1914), I.M. Pei (1917), Carol Burnett (1933), Duane Eddy (1938), and Bobby Rydell (1942).

On April twenty-sixth Easter was celebrated for the first time (1478), Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn (1514), William Shakespeare was baptized (1564), the University of Innsbruck was formed (1677), the first smallpox vaccination was administered (1721), the Odd Fellows Lodge was established (1819), Grand Polonaise Brillante premiered (Chopin, 1835), Fenway Park saw its first homerun (1912), Madame Tussaud's waxworks opened in London (1928), the organ was first used at a baseball stadium (Cubs, 1941), Ariel was launched with the first international payload (1962), Red Auerbach retired (Celtics, 1966), Studio 54 opened (1977), Schwarzenegger married Shriver (1986), Chernobyl exploded (1986), and Ozzie Smith stole his 500th base (1992).

Night Sky, 4/26: This is the time of year when, as the last of twilight fades away, the dim Little Dipper extends straight to the right from Polaris. High above the end-stars of the Little Dipper's bowl, you'll find the end-stars of the Big Dipper's bowl. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys and their charcuterie

This Week: Saturday, April 27 – Independent Bookstore Day & National Dance Day & World Tapir Day

Sunday, April 28 – Deaf Parents Day & Save The Frogs Day & Workers Memorial Day

Night Sky, 4/28: These spring evenings, the long, dim sea serpent Hydra snakes almost level far across the southern sky. Find his head, a rather dim asterism about the width of your thumb at arm's length, in the southwest. It's almost halfway from Procyon to Regulus. Left or lower left of Hydra's head, by about a fist and a half, is orange, 2nd-magnitude Alphard, Hydra's lonely heart. Hydra's dim, irregular body and tail stretch all the way to Libra just rising in the southeast. He carries Crater and Corvus on his back.

Monday, April 29 – Peace Rose Day & World Wish Day & Zipper Day

Tuesday, April 30 – Beltane & Animal Advocacy Day & Bugs Bunny Day

Wednesday, May 1 - Beltane & Hug Your Cat Day & Law Day & May Day

Night Sky, 5/1: Mars and Saturn, both about magnitude +1.2, rise around the beginning of dawn. Look for them low above the east-southeast horizon about 45 minutes before sunrise.

Thursday, May 2 - US Capitol Police Day & World Password Day & World Tuna Day

I got a quarter as change at the coffee shop and I accidentally dropped it and it landed on its edge. Later when I was telling the story, I took it out and it happened again. It stood on its rim. We couldn't make heads nor tails of it. / I'm not a fan of the new King Charles coins; but then I've never cared for change.

This recipe is really silly. It says to separate two eggs but it does say how far to separate them. --Gracie Allen

..........And I'm here to remind you..........Alanis Morissette …..You Oughta Know #6

^^ Pretzels get their flavor and trademark shine from soaking the dough for about 30 to 60 seconds in sodium hydroxide (lye) before they're baked. It's a technique that's similar to how bagels are prepared.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. --Kurt Vonnegut --Submitted by jm of ks

Moonbeam: History is not ended. It will sooner or later pick up the threads apparently broken off forever and knit them together in a new pattern. --Rudolf Hess

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Max Azzarello who immolated himself outside the courthouse in NYC believed that Trump and Biden were conspiring together to bring about a fascist coup in the US.

Video of the Week: In honor of Bob Wills Weekend (25-27) Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys - San Antonio Rose (1973) (youtube.com)

It is seldom that liberty is lost all at one. --David Hume

Pirate crews were paid with the gold coins that they had pirated. They would bite them to make sure they were real. So criminals using bitcoin is an old and honored tradition. / Coin collectors who commit crimes are sent to the Pennyteniary.

No one ever said life was fair. Just eventful. --Carol Barnett

..........Aren't you tired trying to fill that void.........Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper …..Shallow #5

^^^ The world can thank a frustrated teacher with leftover bread dough for the invention of the soft pretzel. In 610 CE, while baking bread, an Italian monk decided to create a treat to motivate his distracted catechism students. He rolled out ropes of dough, twisted them to resemble hands crossed on the chest in prayer, and baked them. The monk christened his snacks "pretiola," Latin for "little reward." Parents who tasted their children's classroom treats referred to them as "brachiola," or "little arms." That works out to 1,414 years than pretzels have been around. Crunchy pretzels came in 1850.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wish I had enough money to discover that it doesn't make me happy. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Deasil - It means to move righthandwards, in the direction of the sun, clockwise. It now mainly conjures up associations with witchcraft, as it’s the much rarer converse of widdershins. World Wide Words: Deasil

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean and shine porcelain fixtures. Pour Canada Dry Club Soda over the fixtures. Canada Dry® Club Soda: Wacky Uses

Don't ever listen to your money; it rarely makes cents. / If Trump had to put a quarter in the jar every time he told a lie, we'd have enough money to pay off everyone's student loans.

...........Too late, my time has come.........Queen …..Bohemian Rhapsody #4

^^^^ Pretzels were made entirely by hand until 1935 when the first automated pretzel machine was created. That allowed factory bakers to mass-produce about 250 pretzels per minute.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian. --Submitted by FNOG

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Causeason (26-28, Beckley, WV) a pop culture convention Location - Causeacon®

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education and Law (26^th, NYC) International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education & Law (ICMSEL) in New York, USA - 26th April 2024 (conferencenext.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: venmo → money

I got a bitcoin once. Ick, it had teeth marks all over it. / Rachel tried to pay for her lunch with flatbread, but the cashier said, no more of this naan cents.

I really think that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing your hand can make you feel very good but a diamond and sapphire bracelet lasts forever. --Anita Loos

..........I should have changed that stupid lock.........Gloria Gaynor …..I Will Survive #3

^^^^^ The average US citizen consumes up to two pounds of pretzels per year, but Philadelphians snack on about 12 pound per person every year.

Hippy Update of the Week: So I just spent 3 hours at OrthoKansas. They took x-rays, a nurse obsessed over my high blood pressure (always high at the doctor's office, usually fine at home), showed me x-rays (I have no socket left, just flat bone and the ball is beginning to flatten), and scheduled my surgery for June 13^th. Then they gave me a list of other doctors I need to see pre-op (Dentist, my regular doctor, ekg, …) Dr Huston assured me that the pain would stop the very day I get a new hip and I would be able to walk that day too. That sounds so good. It hurts so much.

Quote of the Week: If you took the most ardent revolutionary, vested him in absolute power, within a year he would be worse than the Tsar himself. --Mikhail Bakunin

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Darling, I've stepped in puddles deeper than you.

Today's Peace of History April 26, 1954: The Geneva Conference began for the purpose of bringing to an end the conflicts in Korea and Indochina. This followed the defeat of the French in Vietnam at Dien Bien Phu. France had been trying to reassert colonial control over Indochina following World War II.

President Lincoln would never go to jail because he's in a cent. / If I got a Susan B Anthony dollar for every time I had no idea what was going on, I'd be wondering how I got all this money.

The president of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow. --Gracie Allen

..........Ain't nothing but a mistake.........Backstreet Boys …..I Want It That Way #2

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 26, 2024, cHangeD ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As I grew up I was fervently desirous of becoming acquainted with Nature. --John James Audubon

Cost of War:

• As of 04/25/24 State Department Costs: $234,503,303.479.
• As of 04/18/24 State Department Costs: $233,940,033,337.
• As of 04/25/24 Homeland Security: $1,166,426,089,726.
• As of 04/18/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,814,295,2400.
• As of 04/25/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,214,095,515,543.
• As of 04/18/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,212,522,318,43.
• As of 04/25/24 Veterans Care: $3,628,416,021,296.
• As of 04/18/24 Veterans Care: $3,616,492,344,198.
• As of 04/25/24 Military Costs: $3,081,498,676,023.
• As of 04/18/24 Military Costs: $3,080,304,253,604.
• As of 04/25/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,324,942,747,235.
• As of 04/18/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,309,075,151,571.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Nothing is more surprising than the easiness with which the many are governed by the few. --David Hume

Famous Last Words: Best time I ever had. --Carol Burnett Show sign off song: I've So Glad We Had This Time Together

..........No inhibitions, make no conditions.........Shania Twain …..Man I Feel Like A Woman #1

I just prefer the term mentally hilarious. --Carol Burnett

Has anyone actually put a proof coin into a bowl of pudding, you know, just to see? / Why did Australia get the criminals and the United States got the Puritans? Because Australia won the coin toss.

May Peace consume your fears
And Joy feed your hopes
prairie mama
christine

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