What ePistle?

Famous First Words: Anno Domini 1630: march 29, mundaye. --John Winthrop's History of New England

May is Mystery Month! Armed and humorous: Beware! Jokes here may be criminally funny. ... My Agatha Christie themed bakery only sells mystery muffins; you never know what's inside, a real who doughnut.

..........I'm trying to explain.........Melissa Etheridge …..I'm the Only One

The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them. --Patrick Henry

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is a solid white with the very occasional wisp of a gray idea of a cloud sailing under it wafted by a breeze that barely moves the tree branches. Those branches are filled with birds. I can see them on the tops of the willow trees that have been stripped of leaves by the intense winds of 2026. Yet there is little birdsong in the air. Instead I hear motor cars and a distant siren. 68°F is cool but muggy from the light drizzle. Veronica was reluctant to lay her little cat paws on the wet concrete of the patio. Puck had already been out, did his business, and returned immediately shaking tiny water drops from his fur. Apparently it wore him out since he is now sleeping deeply and snoring lightly. Now and then I can hear a drop of rain on the chimney but mostly the world is silent and I get to sit, to sip my coffee, and to write to you. What a morning!

Hope your weekend unfolds before you like a clever mystery, Armchair Sleuths.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: OK, hear me out: An old-fashioned candy necklace but with tums and ibuprofen. --Submitted by ks of ks

Another year, another crime scene of fun. … If I had a bookstore, I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

..........Can't you see I'm out of control.........Melissa Etheridge …..Bring Me Some Water

Trivia Questions: Happy 178^th Birthday to Wisconsin?

1. We all know Wiscosin is “America's Dairyland”. Do you know any other of its nicknames?

2. Which motorcycle company began in and is headquartered in Milwaukee, WI?

3. Which American Indian tribes make up the majority of the native the population?

4. What imaginary Wisconsin town does Barbie hail from?

5. What or where or how much was the record snowfall that earned Wisconsin the name The Frozen Tundra?

Big Hello: Assalomu Alaykum – Uzbek ( https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The president and the vice president starring in a live action Beavis and Butthead movie. --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Image of the Week: This is one of 10,000 postcards that will be mailed to Kansas voters in June. In the 1950s the Kansas Supreme Court was so corrupt that the constitution was changed to selection of judges by a committee dedicated to good law not big money. Now Kansas republicans want to change it back ~~ My guess is because they didn't like the way the entire state voted on the abortion issue; so they want to be able to overturn voter decisions by buying judges.

Geezer Joke of the Week: I'm so old that I'm still kind of scared to put spaces in files names. --Jason K Pargin --Submitted by UUHS

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unusual twist at the end. … That new detective who seems to solve crimes by accident is called Sheer Luck Holmes.

..........Longing for home again.........Melissa Etheridge …..Breathe

Moonbeam: The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Blasphemy of the Week: Both the Bible and Quran tell us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is a bit more specific...and has caused ZERO wars. https://www.facebook.com/churchoftheeternalsinner

Coffee Joke of the Week: At work we call coffee break fluid.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is no “we” in chocolate. --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. … Ghosts would make great detectives. They can see right through people.

..........Well show a little faith, there's magic in the night.........Melissa Etheridge …..Thunder Road

1) Wisconsin has 7 other nicknames, but a couple seem like repeats. 1) America's Dairyland 2) Badger State 3) The Copper State 4) The Forward State 5) Cheese State 6) Dairy State 7) The Frozen Tundra

Almanac: It is Friday, May 29, 2026. The moon will be full on Sunday (5/31, Blue) and is in Scorpio. The United Nations has declared this International Day of UN Peacekeepers. Today is Learn About Composting Day, National 529 Day, National Alligator Day, and Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day. Because it is the last Friday in May it is Heat Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Charles II (1630), Louis Daubenton (1716), Patrick Henry (1736), Ebenezer Butterick (1826), Hans Makart (1840), Alfonsina Storni (1892), Bob Hope (Leslie Townes,1903), Neil R. Jones (1909), John F. Kennedy (1917), Al Unser (1939), Danny Elfman (1953), LaToya Jackson (1956), Annette Bening (1958), and Melissa Etheridge (1961).

On May twenty-ninth Winthrop began writing 'History of New England" (1630), Rhode Island became the last of the the original 13 colonies to ratify the Constitution (1790), Wisconsin became the 30th state (1848), the current constitution of Switzerland took effect (1874), Frank "Home Run" Baker hit his first career home run (1909), the Supreme Court exempted baseball from antitrust laws (1922), Crosby recorded "White Christmas" (1942), Hillary and Norgay reached the summit of Everest (1953), de Gaulle formed a French government (1959), "Truth in Lending" became law (1968), A J Foyt won the Indianapolis 500 for a record 4th time (1977), 1st class postage rose to 15 cents (1978), and Russia elected Yeltsin (1990).

Night Sky, 5/29: The gibbous moon is 90% illuminated and sits 2°-3° from bright, orange-red Antares, the star at the “heart of the scorpion”.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Waiting for the ferry

This Week: Saturday, May 30 – International Day of the Potato & National Creativity Day & the Anniversary of the Indianapolis 500 auto race. (1911)

Sunday, May 31 – National Smile Day & Save Your Hearing Day & World Parrot Day

Night Sky, 5/31: Tau Herculids Meteor Shower peaks after midnight. Called a “modest” meteor shower.

Monday, June 1 – National Go Barefoot Day & World Reef Awareness Day & Oscar the Grouch Day

Tuesday, June 2 – National VW Bus Day & National Gun Violence Awareness Day

Night Sky, 6/2: Jupiter enters Cancer Venus and Jupiter are close together in the northwest sky soon after sunset and Mercury is near Venus. They are the 3 brightest stars in the west.

Wednesday, June 3 – World Bicycle Day & National Egg Day & Global Running Day

Night Sky, 6/3: Sunrise: 5:56 am Sunset: 8:42 pm (14 Hours and 46 Minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 11:47 pm Moonset: 8:19 am

Thursday, June 4 – Hug Your Cat Day & National Punk Day & National Cheese Day

I'm writing a mystery novel, or am I? … PP (Possible Plot): Remember, it's only murder if they find a body.

..........My love still lives and breathes.........Melissa Etheridge …..Testify

2) Harley-Davidson's first factory opened in 1903 at 3700 W Juneau Ave and its headquarters is still at that address.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So Orange Julius Caesar and the Pope are standing on the balcony and the Pope says “with one wave of my hand I can make this crowd go crazy cheering.” Trump says, “No way, that's impossible.” The Pope says “Can too” Trump says, “OK, prove it.” So the Pope slaps him.

Moonbeam: There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Fun Facts of the Week: It's Learn About Composting Day. George Washington is best known as a Founding Father and the President of the USA. What’s not as well known was that he had an early appreciation for the soil – abandoning the cultivation of tobacco because it ruined the fertility of the land- and was an avid composter, performing experiments to find the best way to turn dung into compost. In his quest for fertility, Washington pursued numerous experiments and even constructed a stercorary or “dung repository” specifically designed for composting. ~~The man ran a shit library. You can't say you didn't learn something about composing today. https://www.compostmagazine.com/composting-facts/

Video of the Week: Bing Crosby singing White Christmas from the movie Holiday Inn (3:01) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ36gbGlm8Y

I have many anxieties for our commonwealth, principally occasioned by the depreciation of our money. --Patrick Henry

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery. Oh, it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time. Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no police like Holmes.

..........Go on and close your eyes, imagine me there.........Melissa Etheridge …..Similar Features

3) 1: Chippewa 2: Potawatomi 3: Ho-Chunk 4: Menominee 5: Oneida 6: Mohican All have real estate and communities in Wisconsin.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. https://www.facebook.com/embodypeaceandlove

Weird Word of the Week: halation: The halo-like effect produced by light in photographs. https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/halation

Dragon of the Week: ~~Seems like a lot of work for a cat bed.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Get rid of fruit flies. Use an electric drill with a one-quarter inch bit to drill a hole in the cap of a two liter Coke bottle. Leave one inch of Coke (not diet or caffeine-free) in the bottom of the bottle, and set outside. Fruit flies will crawl into the bottle to enjoy the Real Thing, but won't be able to get back out. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

The NSW Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Sturt Highway just outside Wagga Wagga early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars. The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat roadkill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike".

...........wait by the light of the moon.........Melissa Etheridge …..Come to My Window

4) Barbie hails from Willows, WI. If you are an aficionado a tour of the Fennimore Doll and Toy Museum might be a fun day out.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They gave him a colonoscopy and found half of congress. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61576677326539

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConCarolinas 2026 (29-31, Charlotte, NC) ...artists, authors, gamers, and geeks... https://concarolinas.org/

Unknown Origin of the Week: Every man has a natural right to be stupid. But Dwight McDonald abuses the privilege. ~~Of uncertain origin, (originally attributed to Trotsky) but always applicable. Just fill in the name that fits. --Submitted by lh of ks

Spark of Joy of the Week: I can't think of a group of people who need to watch Sesame Street MORE than the Republican party. --Jon Stewart

There's a chicken writing mystery novels. She calls herself Eggatha Christie. … Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached. She was diagnosed with marple tunnel syndrome

..........To hell with the consequence.........Melissa Etheridge …..I Want to Come Over

5) In the winter of 1996-97 a record 277.7 inches of snow fell in Hurley, WI.

Protest Sign of the Week: WE ALL LOST THE ELECTION ~~Offices of Sen Moran, Olathe, KS 5/22/26

Quote of the Week: Those who invited me to speak always pointed out that we were to be commended for our breadlines and our charity to the poor, rather than for our attempts to achieve justice through the nonviolent weapon of the strike. --Dorothy Day

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just wanted to let you know that if we were both birds, I would still want to be your friend so we could poop on people together. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History: May 29, 1932: In the depths of the Great Depression, the “Bonus Expeditionary Force,” a group of 1000 World War I veterans seeking to cash in their veterans’ bonus certificates, arrived in Washington, D.C. Though issued to the veterans in 1924, the certificates were not scheduled to be paid until 1945. By mid-June, the vets had set up a massive “Hooverville,” a contemporary term for an encampment of the homeless.

A prison mystery: Why were you sent to prison? Bribery And how did you get out after just a month? What do you think? ... There was a mystery involving an officer worker and a small bag. It was a brief case.

..........Something's gotta give somewhere.........Melissa Etheridge …..All American Girl

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 29, 2026: What ePistle? Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/28/26 $669,094,565,457 ...That's 19 billion, 957 million, 663 thousand 715 dollars spent this week. What have we bought with it?

Pentagon Spending as of 5/21/26: $649,136,901,742

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $ 81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Number of US casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 423 https://theintercept.com/2026/05/26/us-iran-war-casualties-ceasefire/ (The official number is 13, by the way. https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2026/04/08/pentagon-data-13-us-troops-killed-346-wounded-in-operation-epic-fury/ )

Number of Iran casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 3,375 also 2,702 in Lebanon, and 28 in various other states https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/1/us-israel-attacks-on-iran-death-toll-and-injuries-live-tracker

If this be treason, make the most of it! --Patrick Henry

Famous Last Words: Any money so appropriated shall remain available to the Commission until the date of its expiration, as fixed by section 40G. --Truth In Lending Act passed 5/29/1968

..........Oh, how lovely it was.........Bob Hope …..Thanks for the Memory

We're trying to come up with a name for our flock of mystery solving chickens. Pop calls them the Clue Clucks Clan. … A university creative writing class was assigned a story containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery. The prize-winner was, “My God,” said the Queen, “I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is!”

May Peace ever amaze you

And Joy take your breath away

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy National Alligator Day

Bleak** ePistle

Famous First Words: The gravity of the situation which confronts the world today... Harry S Truman, Speech introducing the Truman Doctrine.

Oh, my goth, It's World Goth Day! Goth: romanticizing my existential crisis. … My playlist is so goth it turns the lights off. … Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is black, and so is my mood.

..........Don't punish me with brutality.........Marvin Gaye …..What's Going On ~~It's National Title Track Day and these are the top ten title track songs picked out by some person or people who are arrogant enough to think they know the ten best title tracks. Starting at #10.

**Bleak: Used to describe music, meaning good, because that's how we like it; ie “Hollow Hills is nice and bleak”. --The Goth Dictionary

The moral development of a civilization is measured by the breadth of its sense of community. --Anatol Rapoport

It is a gray Friday morning. The sky is a solid light gray without texture, without those thin clouds that often float beneath a solid bank of dense humidity. 59°F with very little wind makes the world comfortable for walks or sitting outside or spreading sunflower seeds across the patio for the birds and squirrels and the baby bunny rabbit that lives under the shed. It is quiet now; the crows have moved on and the sparrows are too busy eating breakfast to make much conversation. I stand at the window watching squirrels devour seeds, throw empty shells to the wind, and switch their tails to unheard music. A stick of jasmine incense sends spirals of smoke above my desk and fills the room with serenity and the hope for a pleasant day. So I raise my cup of doctored decaf to you, the reader, and say, Good morning to you and pleasant hours to fill your day.

Hope your weekend is filled with sunshine and color, hippies*. *Hippy is an “opposite” of goth.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Taste your words before you spit them out. Blessed Be! https://www.facebook.com/coexistmystical

Wednesday nights at the local pub is Goth Night. You get 5 points if you can make a Goth smile and 2,500 points if you can make 'em laugh. … The goth chef's secret ingredient is the tears of the misunderstood. … This outfit is so dark it's practically a black hole.

..........We'll run 'til we drop, and we'll never go back.........Bruce Springsteen …..Born To Run

Trivia Questions: It's Sherlock Holmes Day!

1. Do you know what real person Sherlock Holmes was based on?

2. Do you remember Holmes' address?

3. Who gave Holmes his distinctive deerstalker hat?

4. How often, really, did Holmes say “Elementary, my dear Watson” in the books, not the movies?

5. What was Holmes' original name?

Big Hello: Ässalamu äläykum – Uyghur (China) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Interesting....my weather app now refers to rainwater as liquid accumulation. --Submitted by db of ks

Image AND Protest Sign of the Week: Lawrence, KS 5/17/26

Faux Rant of the Week: The realization that apparently millions of people have spent the last 161 years planning in great detail how they can bully a people back into being slaves. Whole lives and lifetimes spent hating people who won't even be born for another century. Life is so wonderful, bright and noisy and moving. What a waste to spend it steeped in hate. To miss a sunset or a rich conversation just to use your energy creating schemes to ruin the lives of people they will never meet. Yikes, buy a vibrator, Karen, or two or several.

Goth today, dramatic forever. … I invited my goth friend to my beach party. She wore SPF 1000. … It's not eyeliner; it's soul liner.

..........I'm a power pack.........AC DC …..Back In Black

Moonbeam: Joy is not in things; it is in us. --Richard Wagner

Blasphemy of the Week: The poor are the ambassadors of God. --Peter Maurin

Coffee Joke of the Week: Worst drink at the goth coffee shop? Crap-uccino

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Christian notion of the possibility of redemption is incomprehensible to the computer. --Vance Packard

Happy goth: A myth … Gabriel Goth won the school essay contest with “Why Existence Is Overrated”. … My goth grandpa replaced the kings in his chess set with the Grim Reaper.

..........I only wanted one time to see you laughing.........Prince …..Purple Rain

1) Arthur Conan Doyle based Holmes on his teacher, Dr. Joseph Bell, a surgeon at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, who was renowned for using keen observation to diagnose patients.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 22, 2026. The moon will enter its first quarter tomorrow (5/23) and is in Leo. The United Nations has declared this International Day for Biological Diversity. It is also Canadian Immigrants Day, Dandelion Day, Harvey Milk Day, International Being You Day, National Craft Distillery Day, National Maritime Day, Sherlock Holmes Day, US Colored Troops Day, US Maritime Day, Walk Safely to School Day, World Goth Day, and World Paloma Day. Because it's the fourth Friday it is also National Title Track Day. And the Friday before Memorial Day makes it Don't Fry Day, National Cooler Day, and National Wig Out Day. Finally Memorial Day Weekend includes National Polka Day and National Road Trip Day.

Among those born on this day were Ram Mohan Roy (1772), Richard Wagner (1813), Mary Cassatt (1844), Arthur Conan Doyle (1859), Robert Gordon Sproul (1891), Laurence Olivier (1907), Anatol Rapoport (1911), Vance Packard (1914), T Boone Pickens (1928), Richard Benjamin (1938), Bernie Taupin (1950), and Naomi Campbell (1970).

On May twenty-second the Peace of Goulet began (1200), the first atlas was published (1570), the first life insurance policy was issued (1761), the first public library opened (CT, 1803), the Associated Press organized (1900), the Truman Doctrine went into effect (1947), Bob Dylan was Bar Mitzvahed (Robert Zimmerman, 1954), the last "Bob Hope Show" aired on tv (1956), Willie Stargel hit 3 home runs, a double and a single (1968), Ceylon became the Republic of Sri Lanka (1972), Windows 3.0 was released (1990), and Johnny Carson did his last Tonight Show (1992).

Night Sky, 5/22: The waxing moon is 38% illuminated and is moving through the constellation Leo after sunset. In the early morning hours the moon will be halfway between Saturn and Venus.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Heck's Angels

This Week: Saturday, May 23 – World Turtle Day & National Learn to Swim Day & World Fish Migration Day

Sunday, May 24 – Brother's Day & Morse Code Day & Neighbor Day & Yucatan Shrimp Day

Night Sky, 5/24: Venus sets at 11:06 pm in the west northwest. Jupiter follows at 12:12 am

Monday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & Memorial Day & Towel Day & National Tap Dance Day

Tuesday, May 26 – National Paper Airplane Day & Women's Golf Day & World Lindy Hop Day

Wednesday, May 27 – Joe Cool Day & World Otter Day & National Senior Health and Fitness Day

Night Sky, 5/27: Sunrise: 5:59 am Sunset: 8:37 (14 Hours and 37 minutes of daylight.) Moonrise: 9:43 pm Moonset: 10:30 am

Thursday, May 28 – Amnesty International Founders Day & Sierra Club Day & US Border Patrol Day

My glow up is entirely matte black. … My goth alarm clock doesn't ring; it whispers discouraging words. … I'm so goth my aura is 99% midnight.

..........The ice age is comin', the sun's zoomin' in.........The Clash …..London Calling

2) 221 Baker Street: There is no 221B Baker St in London. There was no 221B Baker St. in late 1880 when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created Holmes, and technically speaking, there is still no such address. Today, you can find The Sherlock Holmes Museum at 221B Baker Street. However, physically, the museum sits between 237 and 241 Baker Street.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-shirt with Mike Johnson's picture and caption: Because Trump can't lick his own balls.

Moonbeam: The outstanding feature of behavior is that it is often quite easy to recognize but extremely difficult or impossible to describe with precision. --Anatol Rapoport

Fun Facts of the Week: It's National Unicycle Week (17-23). There are about one million people in the US who can ride a unicycle. Frederick Myers patented the “velocipede” in 1869 and Battista Scuri patented his unicycle in 1881 using the same name. But once people began calling two-wheelers bicycles the unicycle got its true name.

Video of the Week: Billy Bragg singing Woody's All You Fascists Bound To Lose https://youtu.be/SFPL97m2dsw

Women should be someone and not something. --Mary Cassatt

I'm so goth, I shit bats. … Goth diet: black coffee, black licorice, black despair. … My personality is 50% sarcasm, 50% cemetery chic.

..........Something evil's lurking from the dark.........Michael Jackson ….Thriller

3) The hat that we immediately picture Sherlock Holmes in was never once mentioned by Doyle in the novels. So then where did this distinguished image of the detective in a deerstalker come from? Sidney Paget. Works by illustrator Sidney Paget were published alongside a few of Doyle’s short stories in Strand magazine in the late 1800s. She created the look that we all know best.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just uttered the phrase “struggling to exercise good discernment regarding sharing his opinions”, so if you're ever wondering what “that jack*** needs to shut the f***up” sounds like in Quaker, now you know. --@LeeFlower --Submitted by UUHS

Weird Word of the Week: Flâneur: A person who walks the city streets with no particular purpose, often just observing and experiencing the city life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fl%C3%A2neur

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Strip paint off metal patio furniture. Cover the spot you wish to strip for one week with a bath towel saturated with Coca-Cola. Add more Coke every day to keep the towel wet. The paint strips right off. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html ~~And we drink this stuff.

I'm so goth, I wear sunglasses at night to avoid the moonlight. … My playlist is so goth, even Spotify needed a therapy session. … I wear black because it matches my thoughts.

...........all the people livin' life in peace.........John Lennon …..Imagine

4) Unfortunately, that famous line that Holmes supposedly says all the time, “Elementary, my dear Watson,” was also fiction, just like his cap. The character did in fact say “Elementary” and “my dear Watson” both separately, at separate times. However they were never spoken all at once by Holmes in the pages of Doyle’s books.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. --Dorothy Parker

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Midwest Conquest 2026 (22-24, Raytown, MO) Hosted by The Heroic Morale 40K Club https://www.midwestconquest.com/

Updated Title of the Week: Alexandre Dumas: The Count of Dodgy Crypto --Christopher Ramsay

Spark of Joy of the Week: The horrors persist but so do libraries, books, iced coffee, sunsets, trees, the word “fuck”, the moon, and the sea. --Nadine Antoinette --Submitted by MMS

Goth: Sad but aesthetically pleasing. … Too goth to function, too cute to care. … My wardrobe is so dark, it absorbs light bulbs.

..........This could be heaven or this could be hell.........The Eagles …..Hotel California

5) Doyle originally named his beloved detective “Sherrinford.” Thankfully, Doyle’s love for cricket is what led him to “Sherlock.” The author renamed the character after one of his favorite cricket players.

Irony of the Week: Congress is making a strong case that minimum wage should start at $174,000/year –Fight for a Union --Submitted by Catsonacouch ~~Protest Sign OTW was cruelly yanked from its customary spot and fused with image of the week.

Quote of the Week: Give us a peace that dares us to be wise. Give us a peace that dares us to be strong... Give Us Our Peace by Langston Hughes who died May 22, 1967 This is my favorite Peace Poem.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dinosaurs died out and their bodies turned into oil over millions of years. Humans pumped up that oil and refined it into plastic, and then used that plastic to manufacture toy dinosaurs. --Submitted by Club42

Today's Peace of History: May 22, 1968: Federal marshals entered Boston’s Arlington Street Unitarian-Universalist Church to arrest Robert Talmanson, who had been convicted of refusing induction into the U.S. Armed Forces. He had been offered sanctuary there by the leaders of the church who shared his opposition to the Vietnam War. When the marshals tried to remove him, access to their car was blocked by 200-300 nonviolent sanctuary supporters.

I'm so goth that I don't buy black clothes; I just put them on and they turn black. ... Everyone wants a goth girl friend until they realize we basically only look like Queens of the Night 10% of the time; the rest is spent lurking around in Nightmare Before Christmas pajamas and hissing until we get snacks.

..........And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again..........Bob Dylan …..The Times They Are A'changin'

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 22, 2026: Bleak** ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The actor should be able to create the universe in the palm of his hand. --Laurence Olivier

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/21/26: $649,136,901,742 This week: 19 billion 214 million 81 thousand 994 dollars for war.

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $ 81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

To abuse and insult, is inconsistent with reason and justice. --Ram Mohan Roy

Famous Last Words: Good night everybody! ...Final words of the the final The Late Show with Stephen Colbert 5/21/26

..........Sit back and let the evening go.........The Beatles …..Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color. ... All my jokes are cries for help. … I don't smile often but when I do, it's sarcastic.

May Peace brighten your days

And Joy light up your nights

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Winged ePistle

Famous First Words: William Stoner entered the University... John Williams opening line from Stoner published 5/8/65

Happy Flight Attendant Day! Did you know: The flight attendant smile has been fooling passengers since 1912. ₰₰ Most people who instantly dislike their flight attendant do it to save time later.

..........How many roads must a man walk down.........Bob Dylan …..Blowin' In The Wind (recorded 1961)

The women of the world will dominate politics, some day, and you mustn't be too old-fashioned in your notions to join the procession of progress. --L Frank Baum

Christine Update: This week my dermatologist said I have squamous cell carcinoma. There is one less serious kind of skin cancer, but this one rarely spreads to other body parts unless it is left untreated for a while. They will remove the rest of it by Mohs surgery. My date is July 14. Waiting for the results of a biopsy was a brand new experience for me. It is kind of like living in two worlds at once – Schrodinger's world. I'm glad I have the results and I'm glad I don't need radiation or chemo. I was seriously considering not doing either of those if that was the only treatment. Whew!

It is another breezy Friday morning. The sky is covered in clouds that look like they might rain later, but not now. The tree limbs are thrashing about, dancing with the wind and sounding like nature partying. The city is getting ready to send newly educated minds into the world to find jobs and improve our existence. Spring has, indeed, busted out all over and is showing off its new spring coats and colors. A small gathering of squirrels and sparrows are chirping and whatever that is the squirrels do outside my back door. I raise a cup of decaf to them and to the beautiful world they inhabit. Cheers!

Hope your weekend flies like the eagle, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Happy Mothers Day, Mom! Thanks for the womb and board. https://www.facebook.com/TheIndianHillsCommunityCenterAndSign

Frida the flight attendant used to introduce herself as Unexpected Turbulence. ₰₰ Oh, stewardess, what are we flying over right now? “The planet Earth.”

..........You sit back and watch when the death count gets higher.........Bob Dylan …..Masters of War (recorded 1963)

Trivia Questions: It's National Pizza Party Day !!!!!

1. How many books on pizza does the Library of Congress have?

2. How many billion pizzas are sold in the US each year?

3. What is the second most popular pizza topping in the US? (Pepperoni is first, obviously),

4. Where is the annual Pizza Expo held?

5. Who was the first Pizza Delivery person?

Big Hello: āssālam 'alaikum – Urdu (Pakistan & India) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My damn car was on E! I put $20 in now it's on E+. --Submitted by RHOZ

Image of the Week: Mad Greek Mother's Day Roses

Warning of the Week: Boy, I say, boy, you're about to exceed the limitations of my medication. https://www.facebook.com/groups/2167113653385149/

Question of the Week: Wonder if I can teach the self cleaning oven how to clean the rest of the kitchen? --Jack Black

Fred the flight attendant always asked passengers what they wanted for lunch and whether it was for here or to go. ₰₰ When announcing the meal choices, Spaghetti with Plane pasta sauce was the favorite.

..........Sure was going to be rough.........Bob Dylan …..Tangled Up In Blue (recorded 1975)

Moonbeam: A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke – and that the joke is oneself. --Clifton Fadiman

Blasphemy of the Week: muffins are unburdened with knowledge; they are innocent, they are free and wild. Cupcake however began wearing clothes after becoming aware of their nakedness. --comradeella --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: A job in the coffee industry does have a lot of perks.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The easiest way to understand what type of church someone goes to, ask “do your pastors dress like hippies, rappers, businessmen, or wizards? --Ify Nsoha --Submitted by MMS

How often do planes crash? Just once. ₰₰ Flight Attendant: A person who can put up with a lot of hooey and look damned good doing it.

..........Everybody's gonna want a dose.........Bob Dylan …..The Mighty Quinn (recorded 1970)

1) The Library of Congress does not have an exact, publicly listed count of books exclusively about pizza. However, it holds a vast collection of over 40,000 cookbooks, with pizza-related titles.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 15, 2026. The moon will be new tomorrow (5/16) and is in Taurus. The United Nations has declared this International Day of Families. Today is also Flight Attendant Day, National Chocolate Chip Day, International Conscientious Objectors Day, International Kangaroo Care Awareness Day, International MPS Awareness Day, National Slider Day, National Trauma Survivors Day, National Tuberous Sclerosis Day, Peace Officer Memorial Day, Straw Hat Day, and World Orthodontic Health Day. Because it is the Third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense Transportation Day, National Pizza Party Day, and World Eel Day. And all weekend is Morel Mushroom Weekend.

Among those born on this day were Claudio Monteverdi (1567), Lyman Frank Baum (1856), Pierre Curie (1859), Bessie Hillman (1889), Kathernie Anne Porter (1890), Richard J. Daley (1902), Clifton Fadiman (1904), Joseph Cotten (1905), Richard Avedon (1923), Jasper Johns (1930), Chazz Palminteri (1946), George Brett (1953), Emmitt Smith (1969), Ray Lewis (1975), and David Krumholtz (1978).

On May fifteenth Anne Boleyn was accused of adultery (1536), Mary, Queen of Scots, married the Earl of Bothwell (1567), Kepler discovered the harmonics law (1618), Massachusetts enacted the first copyright law (1672), the Peace Treaty of Paris was signed (France & Sardinia, 1796), John the Baptist ordained Joseph Smith (1829), the Department of Agriculture was created (1862), the National Woman Suffrage Association formed (1869), Kappa Alpha Psi incorporated (1911), Mickey Mouse first appeared (1928), Nylon stockings go on sale (1940), Rationing of gasoline began (1942), the Warsaw ghetto uprising ended (1943), the Beach Boys released Carl and the Passions: So Tough (1972), the Harlem Globetrotters appeared on Gilligan's Island (1981), Bob Dylan was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame (1982), and Nils Lofgren replaced Steve Van Zant in Springsteen's E Street Band.

Night Sky, 5/15: Mercury becomes visible by the end of the month, quickly increasing its elongation from the Sun.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Dad and the boys in the extreme outfield of a nearly empty ballpark.

This Week: Saturday, May 16 – International Day of Living In Peace & National Auctioneers Day & National Piercing Day & World Fiddle Day

Night Sky, 5/16: A double shadow transit occurs May 15/16, as Europa and Ganymede’s shadows cross the jovian disk overnight.

Sunday, May 17 – Ride A Unicycle Day & Rural Life Sunday & Take Your Parents To The Playground Day

Monday, May 18 – International Museum Day & Buy A Musical Instrument Day & Visit or Relatives Day

Night Sky, 5/18: A lovely crescent Moon stands 2° north of Venus. Watch as the sky darkens and the earthshine on the Moon becomes more evident.

Tuesday, May 19 – May Ray Day & Accounting Day & National Scooter Day

Night Sky 5/19: Venus crosses into Gemini and stands some 20° west of Jupiter, while the crescent Moon has moved up to meet Jupiter, situated in the middle of Gemini about 7° from the bright planet.

Wednesday, May 20 - Emergency Medical Services For Children Day & EMS Day & National Rescue Dog Day & World Bee Day

Thursday, May 21 – National Memo Day & Shavuot & End of the World Prediction Party

Night Sky 5/21: Sunrise: 6:03 am Sunset: 8:31 pm (14 hours and 27 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 11:41 am Moonset: 11:16 pm

The best part of being a flight attendant has to be when you walk the aisle saying “trash” to everyone's face. ₰₰ The flight attendant asked me if I wanted a drink. I asked, “what are the options?” She said, “Yes or no”

..........Oh, the flowers of indulgence and the weeds of yesteryear.........Bob Dylan …..Every Grain Of Sand (recorded 19821)

2) Around 3 billion pizzas are sold each year in the US.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: JD Vance found 196,000 dead people that are still on Medicaid. Community Note: Dead people are unable to unenroll from Medicaid, because they are dead. Since they are dead, they lack the ability to use Medicaid. Being enrolled in Medicaid and billing Medicaid are not the same thing. --Submitted by gr of oh

Moonbeam: Do something, do something to that, and then do something to that. --Jasper Johns

Fun Fact of the Week: Chocolate chips were invented in 1937 by Ruth Graves Wakefield, who added chopped-up Nestlé semi-sweet chocolate bars to cookie dough, expecting them to melt. Instead, they held their shape, creating the iconic "morsel" that Nestlé later mass-produced to meet demand.

Video of the Week: Bette Midler singing All You Fascists Bound To Lose (with updated lyrics) https://youtu.be/uBj57ivPsxQ (2:30)

It's a man's world, and men can have it. --Kathrine Anne Porter

On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the flight attendant made an announcement: "Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal". Two hours before landing, another announcement was made. "There are still 80 meals available if anybody is hungry". ₰₰ The football player said to the flight attendant, “put me in coach”.

..........In Jersey, anything's legal as long as you don't get caught.........Traveling Wilburys with Bob Dylan …..Tweeter And The Monkey Man (Recorded 1988)

3) Sausage is the second most ordered pizza topping in the US. Mushrooms are third and extra cheese is fourth.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61563097533852

Weird Word of the Week: Noctilucent: shining at night https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/noctilucent

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Give a freshly waxed dance floor more traction. Mop the floor with Coca-Cola and let dry to add a sticky coating that prevents the dancers from sliding across a slippery dance floor. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

Second Blasphemy of the Week: America has never been a Christian nation. White Christians have been so busy being white they've never gotten around to being Christian. https://www.facebook.com/EspirituChicano

The flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday. We had just landed on the runway and the flight attendant announced over the speaker. "Hey folks...um yeah, sorry about that rough landing... ...wasn't the captain's fault, ...definitely wasn't my fault, ...it was the asphalt." ₰₰ Do flight attendants prefer their bagels plane?

...........Let the wind blow low, let the wind blow high.........Bob Dylan …..Under The Red Sky (recorded 1990)

4) Las Vegas hosts the Annual Pizza Expo. (Sorry not open to the public)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm gonna stop calling them MAGA White Evangelicals and start calling them Pulp Fiction Christians. --Mary Ann Bain

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Quantum-Con 4 (15-17, Plymouth, MN) ...a welcoming convention celebrating everything... https://quantum-con.org/

Insult of the Week: You soup fork.

Spark of Joy of the Week: Georgia Sea Otter Cam: https://www.georgiaaquarium.org/webcam/southern-sea-otter-webcam/

Nerd Word of the Week: Micturating: the act of passing urine or urinating, derived from the Latin micturire. It is frequently used in medical contexts. ...Disenfranchising Black people benefits Republicans because Black people vote for Democrats, and Roberts and his fellow party activists on the Court will delete nearly any law that stands in the way of that. The decision might as well have been copy-pasted from the lorem ipsum text. To adjust the saying somewhat, Roberts is micturating directly in our collective eye sockets and then saying “it isn’t raining at all, no sir, and frankly you’re very rude for even mentioning the word ‘wet.’” --Submitted by vr of 66

Henry Winkler sits down on an airplane. The flight attendant comes over and asks him if he would like free headphones. He responds “Sounds great. But it’s pronounced Fonz.” ₰₰ My flight attendant girlfriend just broke up with me. She said we were going in different directions.

..........Well, the devil's in the alley, mule's in the stall.........Bob Dylan …..Mississippi (Recorded 2001)

5) Future king David delivered bread, cheese and grains to his brothers on the battlefield and then hung around to murder Goliath. (I Samuel 17: 17-28) Scholars have decided this happened about 1015 BCE.

Protest Sign of the Week: Mothers Against Donald's Destruction

Bitter Protest Sign of the Week: Sundays 12 -1 63 Exasperating weeks of Fighting for Democracy

Chant of the Week: We don't care about UFOs; Trump is a pedophile, everybody knows!

Quote of the Week: You lost your muchness. You used to be much muchier. --The Mad Hatter Lewis Carroll

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If there's an idiot in power it means those who elected him are well represented. --Submitted by jm of ks

Today's Peace of History: May 15, 1935: The National Labor Relations Act was passed, recognizing workers' rights to organize unions and bargain collectively with their employers.

Another Today's Peace of History: May 15 since 1985: International Conscientious Objectors Day, established to honor those who leave or refuse to enter their country’s armed forces for reasons of principle.

Flight Attendant: Please don't forget to activate 'airplane mode' Me: Running around with my arms spread making airplane noises. ₰₰ A photon decides to go on a day trip to Vegas. When they went to board their plane, the flight attendant said "I'm sorry, did you forget your carry-on?" "No," said the photon, "I'm traveling light".

..........Those icy fingers up and down my spine.........Bob Dylan …..That Old Black Magic (recorded 2016)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 15, 2026: Winged ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: A scientist in his laboratory is not only a technician, he is also a child placed before natural phenomena which impress him like a fairy tale. --Pierre Curie

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748 (19 billion, 384 million, 366 thousand, 852 dollars this week)

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Measles Cases in the US: In May there were 1,842 confirmed measles cases. (94 new cases this month) In April 2026 there were 1,748 confirmed measles cases. In March 2026 there were 1,362 confirmed cases. https://www.cdc.gov/measles/data-research/index.html ~~In the entire year 2010 there were only 63 confirmed cases.

... the political system is changing rapidly in this country, and we better realize that. The elephants or donkeys are not what younger people look to. They look at individual candidates' philosophy, and I think it's a different time and a different generation. --Richard M Daley

Famous Last Words: I must go; the fog is rising. --Emily Dickinson who died may 15^th 1886 of kidney failure.

..........Someday, everything is going to be different.........Bob Dylan …..When I Paint My Masterpiece (reissued 2025)

I was okay until the Klingon sitting next to me said to the flight attendant, “Today is a good day to fly”. ₰₰ Why did the flight attendant pass away? She was terminally ill.

May Peace warm your engines

And Joy cool your jets

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: