An OE Looks At 80

Famous First Words: In my younger and more vulnerable years.... F Scott Fitzgerald The Great Gatsby

Last week I had my 82^nd Birthday. When they told my great grandchildren that I was an octogenarian Max asked if I had eight arms? )|( Octogenarians often feel like newborns: no hair, no teeth, no bladder control.

..........My old man is another child who's grown old.........John Prine & Bonnie Raitt …..Angel From Montgomery

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home, but, unlike charity, it should end there. --Clare Boothe Luce

It is a damp Friday morning. I can hear the raindrops on the chimney and on the patio table. Plunck... plunck...plunck, The world smells of damp soil and freshly cleansed air. Gusts of wind suddenly stir the very still tree limbs into not quite frenzied dances and send a bracing breeze through the 55°F temperature. No bird song accompanies the percussion of drips; there is not even a car motor to interrupt the soft drip...drip...drip. No lesser cloud floats below the smooth gray bank. Squirrels and dogs and other life stays hidden and, with luck, dry and warm. Puck went out and barked a while and returned damp and happy for his early morning nap. Veronica has not made an appearance yet. It's a quiet house and a quiet day except for the drop...drop...drop of the rain.

Hope your weekend is fresh and fun, Youngsters

FYI of the Week: OE stands for Original ePistlier

Irony of the Week: It was nice of Melania to get everyone talking about the Epstein Files again. --ML of bsky.social.

Vacation Update of the Week: I had a WONDERFUl time...ferry rides, plane rides, sunny days, seafood, kids, grandkids, great grandkids, dogs, everything, all at once...thoughts on my first dispensary visit. Next week's ePistle will feature my travels and the amusing things that happened.

Question of the Week: What was the best thing before sliced bread? --Submitted by Home Groan Puns

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We are failing an open book history test! --Susan Cho

On their 58^th wedding anniversary, Maude got out the original marriage licence. When Fred asked why she said, “I'm looking for the expiration date.” )|( I haven't always been a boring old woman; I used to be an accountant.

..........And if you should survive to a hundred and five.........Jimmy Durante …..Young At Heart

Trivia Questions: Today is the 157^th Anniversary of Setting the Supreme Court to 9 justices.

1. How many judges were on the court when it was created?

2. When and/or why did Congress first reduce the number of justices?

3. What prompted the 1807 Act that increased the number of justices on the court?

4. In 1937 two more justices were added to the bench, why?

5. So, how did we get to the 9 justices we have now?

Big Hello: Monire – Tumbuka (A Bantu language spoken in Malawi, Zambia, and Tanzania.) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I gave the rest of my pastry to two pigeons. I smiled when I realized that I had filled two birds with one scone. --Submitted by Puns

Image of the Week: Seattle through the Fast Ferry window

Never mess with octogenarians; life in prison is no deterrent at all. )I( You know you're old when people call at 9 pm and ask if they woke you up?

..........It's my belief, we've used up all our time..........The Band …..Rockin' Chair

Moonbeam: Beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder. --Lew Wallace

Blasphemy of the Week: If your Baptist friends think you're a Catholic and your Catholic friends think you're a Baptist...you might be a Lutheran. --Submitted by MMS

Coffee Joke of the Week: This morning I drank coffee so strong it briefly gave me confidence and opinions I was not qualified to have. --Submitted by INRITH

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: And now these three remain Faith, Hope, and Love. But the greatest of these is Theological Superiority. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

I'm not worried. 82 is only 27.78 in Celsius. )|( At the Only Over 80s bar the most often asked question is “Do I come here often?

..........O, the days dwindle down to a precious few.........Sarah Vaughan …..The September Song

1) When the Supreme Court was created by the Judiciary Act of 1789, it consisted of six judges: one Chief Justice and five Associate Justices. President George Washington nominated the first justices on September 24, 1789.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 10, 2026. The moon enters its last quarter today in Aquarius. Today is ASPCA DAY (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), International Kids Yoga Day, National Donate Life Day aka Blue & Green Day, National Farm Animals Day, National Siblings Day, Salvation Army Founder's Day, and Safety Pin Day.

Among those born on this day were Claude Seurat (1797), Lew Wallace (1827), William Booth (1829), Joseph Pulitzer (1847), Francis Perkins (1880), Ben Nicholson (1894), Clare Boothe Luce (1903), Harry Morgan (1915), Chuck Connors (1921), Sheb Wooley (1921), Junior Samples (1927), Omar Sharif (Michael Shalhoub, 1932), Don Meredith (1938), Eddie Hazel (1950), Steven Seagal (1951), and Haley Joel Osment (1988).

On April tenth Louis III was crowned King of France (879), the US patent system was established (1790), the second Bank of US was chartered (1816), the New York Tribune began publication (1841), the safety pin was patented (Walter Hunt, 1849), Maximilian became emperor of Mexico (1864), Congress increased the number of Supreme Court judges from 7 to 9 (1869), the first National black convention met (New Orleans, 1872), the first professional golf tournament was held (1916), The Great Gatsby was published (1925), synthetic rubber was first produced (1930), Jackie Robinson joined the Dodgers (1947), Paul McCartney officially announced that the Beatle has split up (1970), and NYC banned smoking in all restaurants that seat 35 or more (1995).

Night Sky, 4/10: The moment of the 3^rd quarter moon will fall at 11:52 pm CDT on April 9. It’ll rise after midnight your local time and set around noon. Look for it high in the sky before dawn.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Great Grandma with Max and Ollie at the Yacht Club during low tide

This Week: Saturday, April 11 – Barbershop Quartet Day & National Pet Day & Submarine Day

Sunday, April 12 – Big Wind Day & International Day of Human Space Flight & Walk On Your Wild Side Day

Night Sky, 4/12: On the morning of the 12th, the waning crescent moon will shine in front of the stars of the constellations of Capricornus, the Sea Goat. The stars of Capricornus form a pattern that resembles an arrowhead. Look for them about 60 minutes before sunrise. However, the constellation is faint. Therefore, you’ll need a dark sky to spot it.

Monday, April 13 – Scrabble Day & Sterile Packaging Day & Make Lunch Count Day

Tuesday, April 14 – National Gardening Day & Pan American Day & World Watergun Fight Festival

Wednesday, April 15 – Income Tax Day & National Baseball Day & World Art Day (DaVinci's birthday)

Night Sky, 4/15: Sunrise: 6:44 am Sunset: 7:58 pm (13 hours and 14 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 5:34 am Moonset: 6:13 pm

Thursday, April 16 – National Orchid Day & Save The Elephant Day & World Voice Day

For my 82^nd birthday my bridge partner gave me a “Sexy Senior Citizen” bumper sticker. It made me think about wheelchair racing, wet shawl contests, teeth swapping. And where she got that ten-dollar bill she gave me for Christmas. )|( The most awarded prize for living 80 years is atrophy.

..........A lessened utility, a loss of mobility.........Tom Lehrer …..When You Are Old And Gray

2) The Judiciary Act of 1801 reduced the Supreme Court from six to five judges primarily as a political move by the outgoing Federalist party to prevent incoming President Thomas Jefferson, a Democratic-Republican, from appointing a new justice upon the next vacancy. The reduction was also intended to reduce the burden of circuit riding for the remaining justices.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

Moonbeam: As a rule, there is no surer way to the dislike of men than to behave well where they have behaved badly. --Lew Wallace

Fun Fact of the Week: I love it that the single largest protest to save US Democracy was in London. (500,000).

Video of the Week: Sheb Woolley: Flying Purple People Eater (2:13)

Advertising has done more to cause the social unrest of the 20^th century than any other single factor. --Clare Boothe Luce

It only takes one octogenarian to change a light bulb but it does take all day. )|( After 80 you get to call your gray hair “wisdom highlights”. )|( I don't like to brag but it has been literally decades since I had a hot flash.

..........I was there when Captain Beefheart started up his first band.........LCD Soundsystem …..Losing My Edge

3) The Supreme Court was increased to seven justices by the 1807 act to accommodate the nation's westward expansion, specifically to create a Seventh Circuit covering Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. This authorized a new justice, who was required to reside in the west, to handle the increased caseload in western districts.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am beginning to think that the head of the Iranian military wasn't a part time new host 15 months ago. --crunchyrugger https://www.facebook.com/USdems

Weird Word of the Week: Efflorescence: A blooming or flowering. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/efflorescence

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove Krazy Glue from any surface. Pour Coca-Cola over the glue, wait five minutes, and then wipe up the glue and soda. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

One of the advantages to being 80 is that you have 6½ decade of “retro” clothes. )|( The older we get, the earlier it gets late.

...........There was a time back in my prine.........Toby Keith …..As Good As I Once Was

4) The Supreme Court was increased to nine justices by the Eighth and Ninth Circuits Act of 1837 primarily to accommodate the westward expansion of the United States. By adding two new circuit courts (bringing the total to nine) to cover new western states, Congress expanded the court to ensure each circuit had a presiding Supreme Court Justice.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes I talk to myself and we both laugh. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61562909918541

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: CyPhaCon 2026 (10-12, Lake Charles, LA)...the largest fan run Pop Culture Convention in the State of Louisiana. https://www.cyphacon.org/

Reader Response of the Week: One of my favorite country song titles: When I'm Under the Table I'll be over You. Don't recall who sang it. --cc of ma ~~I believe it is I'll Be Under the Table For I'm Over You by Garth Brooks but the only online recording I found the song is sung by Shawn Downs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRmOpdlr1b0

Spark of Joy of the Week: No Kings 3 Sign: No Taxation Without Pedophile Incarceration

The Douglas County Fire Department just got a court order banning my birthday cake as a fire hazard. )|( I called the incontinence hotline recently. They asked me if I could hold.

..........Who's the one that knows the tricks.........Fats Waller …..Old Grand Dad

5) In 1863 Congress created a 10^th circuit during the Civil War. It had its own (10^th) supreme court judge. In 1866 Congress reduced the number of judges to 7 to prevent President Andrew Johnson from making any appointments. The number was set back to 9 by the Judiciary Act of 1869 and has remained the same ever since.

Protest Sign of the Week: Toto, I Have A Feeling We're Not In A Democracy Anymore

Better Protest Sign of the Week: Regime Change Begins At Home

Best Protest Sign of the Week: Our Huddled Masses Will Defeat Your Fascist Asses

Quote of the Week: I'm only racist in traffic. --Chris's co-worker ~~the latest entry in the Shortest Stories Reveal The Most collection

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: By my calculations the entire national debt could be erased if Donald Trump's impeachment trial was Pay Per View. --John Smith Marketing

Today's Peace of History: April 10, 1971: Ninety-year-old Jeannette Rankin, the first female member of Congress (R-Montana), and the only one to vote against US entry into both World Wars, led 8000 in protest of the Vietnam War in a women's peace march on the Pentagon.

Octogenarians are so old they remember when the Dead Sea was in hospice. )|( Boxers or briefs? It Depends. )|( I used to envy people who could do a cartwheel...now I'm jealous of anyone who can get up off the floor without making grunting noises and holding onto furniture. --Grazing Grounds

..........Hope I die before I get old.........The Who …..My Generation

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 10, 2026: OE looks at 80. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The monuments of the nations are all protests against nothingness after death... --Lew Wallace

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 4/09/26: $532,032,375,984

Pentagon Spending as of 4/01/26: $509,374,006,944

That's 22,658,269,040 (Yes, BILLIONS) in 9 days which comes to 2,517,596,560 each day. BILLIONS

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

In politics women type the letters, lick the stamps, distribute the pamphlets and get out the vote. Men get elected. --Clare Boothe Luce

Famous Last Words: Get back to where you once belonged. --The Beatles Get Back (The last line of the last song from the Beatles last concert on the rooftop of Apple Headquarters, 1/30/69)

In the end, mothers weep the same tears on every side. --Humanity & Peace

..........Will you still need me, will you still feed me..........The Beatles …..When I'm Sixty-four

Many octogenarians wished they had told their secrets to someone because they don't remember them anymore. )|( In your 80s things begin to click for you, your knees, your neck, your hip.

May Peace lift your burdens

And Joy free your spirit

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Chronologically-gifted

ePistle with a Drawl

Famous First Words: Táde mèn Persôn tôn oichoménôn (Here we see the faithful guardians of the Persians) Aeschylus The Persians (oldest known drama, 472 BCE) It dramatizes the 480 BCE Persian defeat at the Battle of Salamis. Apparently the Persians have learned a thing or two in the past 2,500 years.

Happy Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day! How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away +-+ I've Been Roped and Thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral. +-+ I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

..........A night like this could weave a memory.........Snooky Lanson …..Full Moon and Empty Arms

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. --Nikita Khrushchev

Early Happy All Fools Day: Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

It is a cloudy and very windy Friday morning. Weather sites say the wind is 17 mph and from the North. But the clouds are moving, almost marching, eastward like a silent, cold force. Behind the lumpy white puffs moving away are gray clouds with less texture who wear a slightly sinister face. 40°F feels like 32. (It was 89° just 16 hours ago.) There have been breaks where blue sky peeked down on us, but the sun has never penetrated for light or heat. Inside, it is a different story warmth generally and no cold flapping at the neckline and ankles. There is sweetened and creamed decaf, comforting dog snores from under my desk and the smell of brewing coffee from the kitchen. And I am counting down the next five days.....

Hope your weekend is fun and quirky, cowpokes.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: These gas prices have Trump Derangement Syndrome. --Clay Jones

I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me +-+ I flushed You From the Toilet Of My Heart

..........And there's a weepy 'ol willow.........Sarah Vaughan …..Lullaby Of Birdland

Trivia Questions: It's International Cheese Day!

1. How much milk does it take to make a pound of cheese?

2. What kind of cheese accounts for more than 50% of the world's consumption of cheese?

3. How or when was cheese making discovered?

4. What is the most often used cheese recipe in the United States?

5. How many varieties of cheese are there?

Big Hello: Chamngee – Tugen (a Kalenjin language spoken in Kenya) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's now obvious that the regime was comically unprepared for the possibility that Iran would fight back. In fairness, they're used to dealing with the Democrats. --Gregory Hayes --Submitted by MMS

Wacked Idea of the Week: The World Health Organization is preparing for a nuclear incident in Iran. (bombing a nuclear facility or an attack weapon). Someone needs to point out to the 47-carrot Nazi that a mushroom cloud is really gonna make his dick look small, really, really small.

I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life +-+ I'm the Only Hell My Mama Ever Raised

..........And I feel like I'm clingin' to a cloud.........Sarah Vaughan …..Misty

Moonbeam: Rest here with me a moment...and let the world go to hell. --Thorne Smith

Blasphemy of the Week: Who was the genius who put St Patrick's Day in the season of lent. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: The espresso kept checking her watch because she was pressed for time.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-Shirt: The mayor from Jaws is still the mayor in Jaws 2. It is so important to vote in your local elections.

If You Leave Me Can I Come Too +-+ She Got the Goldmine I Got the Shaft

..........Don't let too many fears wash away your dreams.........Shaun Cassidy …..Morning Girl

1) It takes about 10 pounds of milk to make 1 pound of cheese, though this ratio changes depending on the type of milk. Apparently a gallon of milk weighs around 6 – 6.3 pounds so a pound of cheese uses about a gallon and a half of milk.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 27. 2026. The moon entered its first quarter on Wednesday (3/25) and is in Cancer. Today is Celebrate Exchange Day, Endometriosis March Day, Frozen Dead Guy Days, International Medical Science Liaison Day, International Whiskey Day, National Scribble Day, Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day, Viagra Day, World Cheese Day, and World Theater Day.

Among those born on this day were Antonio Squarcialupi (1416), Ismaeil Spicer (1760), Franz von Baader (1765), Nathaniel Currier (1813), Adolphus Greely (1844), Wilhelm Röntgen (1845), Otto Wallach (1847), Peter Lutkin (1858), Henry Royce (1863), Heinrich Mann (1871), Thorne Smith (1892), Gloria Swanson (1899), Mary Armour (1902), Budd Schulberg (1914), Snooky Lanson (1914), Cyrus Vance (1917), Sarah Vaughan (1924), David Janssen (Meyer, 1930), Judy Carne (1939), and Cale Yarborough (1940),

On March twenty-seventh the shoelace was patented (1790), the first Mormon temple was dedicated (Kirtland, OH, 1836), the first US steam fire engine was tested (1841), Charleston experienced black demonstrators in ride-ins on street cars (1861), the urinal was patented (1866), the first Japanese cherry trees were planted in DC (1912), the first long distance call was made (Boston to NYC, 1884), the first successful blood transfusion was performed (Brussels, 1914), the Havana Hilton opened (1958), Khrushchev became Soviet premier (1958), Anti Vietnam demonstrations were held in the US, Europe, and Australia (1966), Jerry Garcia was busted for LSD possession (1973), the DC Metro opened (1976), and Mt St. Helens erupted (1980).

Night Sky, 3/27: Prominent pairing between a 74% illuminated waxing gibbous moon and the giant planet Jupiter. This duo will be positioned high in the south-southeastern sky about an hour after sunset, located within the constellation Cancer.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Close Ups Max ….................................................Ollie

This Week: Saturday, March 28 – Barnum and Bailey Day & Be Mad Day & Weed Appreciation Day

Sunday, March 29 – World Piano Day & National Education and Sharing Day & Palm Sunday

Monday, March 30 – Doctor's Day & International Day of Zero Waste & Pencil Day & World Bi-polar Day

Night Sky, 3/30: Venus shines low in the west after sunset while Jupiter stands high in the south-southwest. The moon nears full in front of Leo, with Regulus and Denebola marking the Lion's outline.

Tuesday, March 31 – Bunsen Burner Day & National Crayon Day & World Backup Day

Wednesday, April 1 – All Fools Day & National Fun Day & National Walking Day

Night Sky, 4/1: Full moon (pink) 9:12 pm CDT in Libra. ~~Not An April Fool's Joke

Happy All Fools Day: The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. --Richard P Feynman

Thursday, April 2 – International Children's Book Day & Reconciliation Day

Friday, April 3 – Find A Rainbow Day & Time Warp Days & Good Friday & Weed Out Hate Day

Saturday, April 4 – National Hand Made Day & Slow Art Day & World Rat Day

Night Sky, 4/4: Mercury at greatest elongation. Mercury will appear farthest from the Sun in the sky than at any other time in the year, making this the best time to see the planet in 2026.

Sunday, April 5 – Easter & My Birthday (This will be the 4^th time in my life that Easter and my birthday are on the same day. It will happen again in 2037.

Monday, April 6 – New Beers Eve & Tartan Day & World Physical Activity Day

Night Sky, 4/6: Sunrise: 6:51 am Sunset: 7:34 pm ( 12 Hours and 43 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 10:53 pm Moonset: 8:03 am

Tuesday, April 7 – National Beer Day & No Housework Day & World Health Day (UN)

Wednesday, April 8 – D.A.R.E. Day & Draw a Bird Day & Trading Cards for Grown-ups Day

Night Sky, 4/8: SMILE earliest possible launch date. The Solarwind Magnetosphere Ionosphere Link Explorer (SMILE), a joint mission between ESA and the Chinese Academy of Sciences, will launch to study the Sun and how it interacts with Earth.

Thursday, April 9 – Appomattox Day & Poem In Your Pocket Day & National Cherish An Antique Day

There will be no ePistle next week (3/6) because I will be in Seattle, WA visiting my children and grandchild and great grandchildren. I'm so excited. The next ePistle will be Friday April 10^th.

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone +-+ Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

..........Just go and listen, it'll start with a smile.........Shaun Cassidy …..Do You Believe

2) Gouda is responsible for 50-60% of all cheese that is eaten worldwide.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's the difference between Vietnam and Iran? Trump had a plan to get out of Vietnam. --Submitted by cjj of ks

Moonbeam: It's so silly getting all uptight with anxieties. I say just sit back, relax, and let your troubles go up in smoke. --Judy Carne

Fact of the Week: Anne Frank was just 6 months younger than Martin Luther King, Jr. (Anne: June 12, 1929 : MLK January 15, 1929)

Video of the Week: Happy 160^th Birthday to the Urinal. Here's Lee Mack's Urinal Sketch. (1:24) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJmgLqQ-uog

Economics is a subject that does not greatly respect one's wishes. --Nikita Khrushchev

I Don't Know Whether to Come Home or Go Crazy +-+ She Feels Like a New Man Tonight

..........She looked so quiet but my oh my.........Shaun Cassidy …..Da Doo Ron Ron

3) Cheese was discovered by accident! Neolithic people in the near east more than 7000 years ago discovered cheese by carrying milk in the stomach linings of animals, which carried the bacteria rennet that curdles milk.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Experts say vast deserts, absence of life, may indicate that Mars was once run by conservatives. --Ciar Byrne

Weird Word of the Week: Schlepiphany: a sudden realization that some stuff needs to be moved. https://www.facebook.com/groups/waywordradio/posts/10162331071213584/

Dragon of the Week: Wearable dragons

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean rust stains from a sink. Cover the stains with Coca-Cola, let sit for one hour, and rinse clean. The phosphoric acid in the Coke removes the rust. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me) +-+ He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk

...........I can't resist your charms.........Mariah Carey …..Endless Love

4) Mac and Cheese is considered the most popular cheese dish in the United States; however, there is no specific industry statistic citing the exact percentages. However, it's assumed to be 54% of cheese dishes.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If they don't need your birth certificate or marriage licence to register you for the military draft, why should they need it for you to vote?

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Penguicon 2026 (27-29, Detroit, MI) science fiction, open source, and all geeky interests https://2026.penguicon.org/

Whatever of the Week: For the Epsteinth time: We still aren't going to let the files go. --Sharon McMahon

Spark of Joy of the Week: Ballet Wichita has created a ballet about the Dockum Drugstore Sit-In of 1958. It's called Breaking Barriers. Protesters wanted to and did integrate the lunch counter at Dockum Drugs. This happened 2 years before the “famous” Greensboro NC sit=in that is credited with beginning the “sit-in” movement. The ballet will be performed April 3^rd and 4^th at Wichita State University.

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well +-+ Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' to You

..........Talking sweet and looking fine.........Mariah Carey …..Fantasy

5) There are about 2,000 varieties of cheese in the world.

Protest Sign of the Week: No Kings No War No Ice No More

Quote of the Week: A religious person will do what he is told, no matter what is right. Whereas a spiritual person will do what is right, no matter what he is told. --Carlos Santana

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We are the Canadian Borg. Resistance would be impolite. Please wait to be assimilated. Pour l'assimilation en franҫais, veuillez appuyer le “2” --The Delphic Expanse

Today's Peace of History: March 27, 1969: The first Chicano Youth Liberation Conference was held by the Crusade for Justice. The poet, Alurista, presented his poem, "Plan Espiritual De Aztlán," on the concept of Aztlán, a unifying spiritual and geographic homeland of the Chicanos. He took the concept that the land belongs to those who work it from Mexican Revolutionary Emiliano Zapata. Aztlán is a name for the home of the Aztecs.

The Pint of No Return +-+ The Last Word in Lonesome Is Me

..........We were moving mountains.........Mariah Carey …..When You Believe

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 27, 2026: ePistle with a Drawl. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Strive for perfection in everything. Take the best that exists and make it better. If it doesn't exist, create it. Accept nothing nearly right or good enough --Henry Royce

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 3/26/26: $492,820,719,678

Pentagon Spending as of 3/19/26: $474,262,113,271

Pentagon Spending as of 3/12/26: $453,699,187,313

Pentagon Spending as of 3/05/26: $435,095,928,797 = 18,603,258,516 spent this week just to kill people https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Early Happy All Fools Day: A fool can throw a stone in a pond that 100 wise men can not get out. --Saul Bellow

The purpose of the United Nations should be to protect the essential sovereignty of nations, large and small. --Nikita Khrushchev

Famous Last Words: Fiat voluntas tua (Thy will be done.) --James VI of Scotland, James 1 of Ireland and England; he who died March 27, 1513 ...causes were vague

..........Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars........Sarah Vaughan …..Fly Me To The Moon

Learning to Live Again Is Killing Me +-+ Please Bypass This Heart +-+ Hell Stays Open All Night

May Peace comfort your heart

And Joy soothe your soul

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Storied ePistle

Famous First Words: Late in the afternoon... Harriet Beecher Stowe Uncle Tom's Cabin

Welcome to World Storytelling Day! A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to an exam room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I've only been here 20 minutes.” “No mistake,” the doctor says. “It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan, and $50 for the medicine.

....... You're handsome, you're perfect.........Ozzie Nelson Orchestra …..And Then Some

The US is so bad right now that my friend received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

When we look for what's best in the person we happen to be with at the moment, we're doing what God does, so in appreciating our neighbor, we're participating in something truly sacred. --Fred Rogers

It is a warm (51°F) and gorgeous Friday morning. The rising sun has turned the eastern sky to light and color and life; but out the western windows awaking is slower and less dramatic. Earth emerges from shadow to color and movement. No wind blows the tree branches but birds draw streaks across the sky and squirrels scurry to find breakfast. Grass has greened and pink and blue flowers have popped up across lawns. Willow branches now covered in pale yellow leaf buds are laying still without even a hint of wind. Puck has been out and now sleeps under my desk, snoring lightly. I am sipping decaf and enjoying spring in Kansas. Writing to you is just icing on the cake.

May your weekend be filled with wonderful stories, Raconteurs

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know you're from Kansas when you know “Western Kansas” starts exactly where the trees stop. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61577026063025

Marked Safe of the Week: I have relatives who live in Dayton, Ohio. I messaged them to see if they were hit by exploding meteors? This was the reply: We're in the southernmost part of Ohio, and didn't get to hear it even. Wild, though, now I wish we had been! We get the very occasional sonic boom from the air force base during the annual airshow, but nothing like that. --dr of oh

Arnold and Zach are sitting at a bar watching the 6 o'clock news. It is reporting on a man on a ledge of a tall building threatening to jump off. Zach says to Arnold, “I'll be you ten bucks that he jumps.” Arnold takes the bet, and sure enough, moments later the unfortunate man jumps off the ledge. Arnold gets out his wallet and hands a ten-dollar bill to Zach who says, “I can't take your money. I saw the story on the 5 o'clock news; I knew he was going to jump.” Arnold replied, “I saw the story on the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.”

..........That longhorn Caddy got a great big tank.........Stevie & Jimmy Vaughan …..Good Texan

The US is so bad right now that CEO's are playing miniature golf.

Trivia Questions: Happy World Frog Day!

1. How long have frogs been around?

2. What is the world's largest frog?

3. What's the smallest frog that we know about?

4. How many species of frogs are there?

5. Frogs were the first to develop what organ and lots and lots of species now use?

Big Hello: As-salamu alaykum – Tsez (Russia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Even the most beautiful pottery began as a pile of mud. So, if you're a fucking mess, be like mud – at least be a f*cking mess with potential. --K Creek

Peace Philosophy of the Week: “Rules of war” is anti-logical. If the point of war is to destroy the other side, why do you have rules? You can shoot a plane; you cannot shoot the people in parachutes exiting the plane that was just shot; but you can shoot them again as soon as they land. See what I mean. What this suggests to me is that “they” know it's a game or a sport. War requires sportsmanship. I think the main reason why war must uphold sportsmanship is because “they” aren't fighting it and “they” know that the people who are don't have a real stake in it. Makes me liars as well as murderers. “They: anybody advocating war as anything other than the very last resort. OR anybody trying to defend war for any reason.”

So a moth goes into a podiatrist's office. The doctor asks the moth, “What seems to be the problem?” The moth says, “Doc, I don't know where to start. I feel like my whole life has been wasted. I've been at the same job for 20 years and I don't just hate it, I'm revolted by it. I can barely summon the strength to drag myself in every day but I have no choice because I'm in debt up to my compound eyes. The idea of doing this job for years just makes me sick. I've grown apart from my wife. She's no longer the woman I loved, and I can barely stand to be around her but I feel guilty for feeling that way. My son...Doc, I just don't know if I love my own son because he reminds me of everything I hate about myself. I look into his eyes and see the same disgusting, snivelling cowardice I know everyone sees in me. I feel like my entire life is nothing more than a fragile web of lies just barely holding me back from the screaming abyss.” The podiatrist says to the moth, “You do seem to have a lot of problems, but I'm just a podiatrist. You need to see a therapist, a psychiatrist even. Why did you come to me?” And the moth says, “The light was on.”

..........Peace and understand, and it happened this way..........Jimmie & Stevie Vaughan …..Tick Tock

The US is so bad right now that Exxon-Mobil laid off 26 congressmen.

Moonbeam: Never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. --Henrik Ibsen

Blasphemy of the Week: Food For Thought: If Adam and Eve had been Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of problems. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: Do not tell these overused coffee jokes to your barista: Hit me with your best shot, full steam ahead, java nice day, and not your average joe.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number. --Submitted by LanguageNerds

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on the head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in the yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ”I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.” The next day he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar; “He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”

.........Bones are achin' bad thoughts in my head.........Jimmie Vaughan …..Dengue Woman Blues

The US is so bad right now that McDonald's is selling the ¼ ouncer.

1) There is evidence that frogs have roamed the Earth for more than 200 million years. That means they predate the dinosaurs.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 20, 2026. The moon was new yesterday (3/19) and is in Aries. The United Nations has declared today the International Day of Happiness. Today is also Alien Abduction Day, Bed-In for Peace Day, French Language Day, Great American MeatOut Day, International Astrology Day, National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Ostara aka Spring Equinox aka Vernal Equinox, Proposal Day, Snowman Burning Day, World Flour Day, World Frog Day, World Sparrow Day, World Daffodil Day, World Day of Theater For Children and Young People, and World Storytelling Day.

Among those born on this day were Balthasar Bekker (1634), Napoleon Bonaparte II (1811), Henrik Ibsen (1828), Edgar Buchanan (1902), Burrhus Frederic Skinner (1904), Ozzie Nelson (1906), Michael Redgrave (1908), Ray Goulding (1922), John Erlichman (1925), Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers (1928), Hal Linden (Harold Lipshitz, 1931), Jerry Reed (1937), Bobby Orr (1948), Pamela Sargent (1948), William Hurt (1950), Jimmie Vaughan (1951), Spike Lee (1957), and Holly Hunter (1958).

On March twentieth the United Dutch East India Company formed (1602), Walter Raleigh was released from the Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana (1616), Boston had a great fire (1760), the US Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state court decisions (1816), Uncle Tom's Cabin was published (1852), Michigan authorized workers' cooperatives (1865), the first recorded intercollegiate basketball game was played, Yale beat UPA 32 to 10 (1897), Captain Brassbound's Conversion premiered (1906), Babe Didrickson pitched a hitless inning for the Philadelphia A's in an exhibition game (1934), Your Hit Parade debuted on radio (1935), Gentleman's Agreement won best picture (1948), American in Paris won best picture (1952), Tunisia gained independence (1956), 156-Day strike against Westinghouse Electric Corp. ended (1956), the first Pop Art exhibit opened (1963), gold backing was removed from US paper currency (1968), John Lennon married Yoko Ono (1969), Patty Hearst was convicted of armed robbery (1976), the Lakers retired Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's number - 33 (1990).

Night Sky, 3/20: The spring equinox occurs at 9:46 am CDT. On this day the daylight/night time are nearly equal in length worldwide. There is a moon /Venus conjunction just after sunset.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Boying the ramparts

This Week: Saturday, March 21 – International Day of Forests and The Tree & Memory Day & Walk In The Sand Day

Sunday, March 22- National Goof-off Day & Talk Like William Shatner Day & Women Arts Day

Night Sky, 3/22: The weeks surrounding the equinox are known for higher frequencies of the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights).

Monday, March 23- Atheist Day & National Puppy Day & World Meteorological Day

Tuesday, March 24 – Diabetes Association Alert Day & National Agriculture Day

Wednesday, March 25 – All Womens' Equal Pay Day & International Balloon Animal Day & Tolkien Reading Day

Night Sky, 3/25: Sunrise: 7:17 am Sunset: 7:38 pm ( 12 hours and 21 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 2:44 am Moonset: 11:43 am

Thursday, March 26 – Make Up Your Own Holiday Day & Spinach Day & Live Long And Prosper Day

One day mom was out and dad was in charge of the 3 year old, who had a little “tea set” as a gift. It was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made her sit quietly in another room so she could watch the daughter bring her dad a cup of tea because she was so cute. Mom waited, and sure enough, she came walking down the hall with a cup of water for daddy. Mom watches dad drink from the tea cup. Then she said, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the dog's dish?”

..........Heaven done called another blues-stringer back home.........Jimmie Vaughan …..Six Strings Down

The US is so bad right now that Angelina Jolie adopted a child from Alabama.

2) The world's largest frog is the goliath frog of West Africa. It can grow to 15 inches and weigh up to 7 pounds.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Elon Musk's Tesla Restaurant is so empty even the protesters stopped going. https://www.facebook.com/wokeginger

Moonbeam: Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. --B F Skinner

Fun Fact of the Week: Norway is on track to become the first country to transition to electric vehicles. 88.9% of auto sales 2024. But the most fun was that the blurb called non-electric cars fossil cars.

Video of the Week: John Erlichman (interviewed by Mike Wallace) trying to explain the list of illegal things Nixon and his minions did. Erlichman spent actual time in jail for it. (1:51) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=736945804167051

The more we can be in a relationship with those who might seem strange to us, the more we can feel like we're neighbors and all members of the human family. --Fred Rogers

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. "We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."

..........We gonna do what they say can't be done.........Jerry Reed …..East Bound And Down

The US is so bad right now that parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

3) The smallest known frog species is also the smallest vertebrate. It is Paedophryne amauensis, discovered in Papua New Guinea in 2012. These tiny frogs live in leaf litter and measure only about a third of an inch (7.7 to 7.9 millimeters) long. They are a reddish-brown color with high-pitched calls.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence. --Adam Herman --Submitted by Club42

Weird Word of the Week: Clinquant: glittering or showy. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/clinquant

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean stained grout. Pour Coca-Cola over the affected area, let sit for five minutes, and whip clean. The phosphoric acid in the Coke cleans the grout. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html ~~Does it clean our gut the same way?

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets a suit. He decides to buy her flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line getting into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally, they get into the dance and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for some punch, so he goes to the drink table, there is no punch line.

...........Bandit, you're reckless, and you live much too hard.........Jerry Reed …..The Bandit

The US is so bad right now that a truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

4) There are over 6,000 species of frogs worldwide and scientists continue to search for new ones.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know it's going to be a bad day when you try to pronounce the name of your prescription but accidentally summons a demon instead. --David Hamera --Submitted by Home Groan Puns

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Zenkaikon 2026 (20-22, Lancaster, PA) ...a melting pot of fans...and more https://zenkaikon.com/

Observation of the Week: There is the thing that bothers me about the Florida death penalty for child rape. The set limit of 12 years of younger is much too low. Mostly it sort of says it's okay if they're 13+ year old girls. FYI: I'm against the death penalty on grounds irrelevant to the crime. ~~From time to time I remind people that there are men in the world who want to decriminalize rape altogether.

Spark of Joy of the Week: I recommend no less than 4 copies of any beloved book. A paperback for margin notes and lending to friends, an eBook for reading with greasy snack fingers, an audio book so you know how character names are pronounced, and a pristine hardcover to be buried with you like a pharaoh. --Jonathan Edward Durham --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

A woman was driving down the road when a policeman stopped her. The officer looked in the back of the truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The woman replied, “”They are mine. They swam onto the beach while I was sunbathing and adopted me.” “You need to take them to the zoo.” the officer said. The next day that officer saw the same woman in the same truck driving down the road with the same penguins. This time they were wearing sunglasses. He pulls her over and says, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo?” “ I did. They loved it.” the woman replied, “And today we're going to the beach.”

..........If I can keep it on the ground when I put my hammer down..........Jerry Reed …..Texas Bound And Flying

The US is so bad right now that a picture is now only worth 200 words.

5) Frogs were the first land animals with vocal cords. Male frogs have vocal sacs—pouches of skin that fill with air. These balloons resonate sounds like a megaphone, and some frog sounds can be heard from a mile away.

Protest Sign of the Week: Flush The Orange Turd

Quote of the Week: As you know, there are some countries whose leaders don't support free speech. I'm not at liberty to say which. Let's just leave it at North Korea and CBS. --Jimmy Kimmel @ the 2026 Oscars

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Replacing “I don't know” with “unfortunately the answer would drive you to madness” in all work emails going forward. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Today's Peace of History: March 20, 1985: Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the Iditarod Trail Dog Sled Race.

A businessman went into the office and found a handyman painting the walls. The worker was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing parkas on such a hot day. The handman showed him the instructions on the can of paint: “For best results put on two coats.”

..........a ready-made pile of manufactured grief.........Jerry Reed …..Lord, Mr. Ford

The US is so bad right now that the Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is being managed by Somali pirates.

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 20, 2026: Storied ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important secrets to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to torture, produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their mind and what they think the interrogator wishes to know. --Napoleon

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 3/19/26: $474,262,113,271

Pentagon Spending as of 3/12/26: $453,699,187,313 – $20,562,925,958 spent this week

Pentagon Spending as of 3/05/26: $435,095,928,797 -$18,603,258,516 spent this week

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Children aren't responsible for wars. --Fred Rogers

Famous Last Words: I have tried to be objective. I do not claim to be detached. --C Wright Mills (died March 20, 1962. ...this is his epitaph which he helped choose before he died.

..........Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.........Ozzie Nelson Orchestra with Harriet Hillard Nelson …..Dream A Little Dream Of Me

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and the father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"

May Peace speak your narrative

And Joy play your soundtrack

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: