The Clean ePistle

Famous First Words: Yes, your honor... Johnny Cochran's first words in the trial of OJ Simpson

Rise and Shine! Today is the day to Unsubscribe to the Shit Show!

Today is National Custodial Workers Day! Kids can shoot a basket from 50 feet down court but can't hit a trash can two inches away. --T McCracken ** Karen: Go out and water the garden. Maid: Ma'am, it's raining. Karen: So take an umbrella.

..........Where all the monkeys throw nuts.........Groucho Marx …..Hooray For Captain Spaulding

If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children. --Mahatma Gandhi

It is a chilly (55°) Friday morning. {...been a long time since I could say that.} The sky is clear of clouds and wind while the trees are still. They are hiding birds that sing anthems to the morning. Everything is green, much greener than most Octobers. Dampness from rain and dew fills the air; it shines a little as the light grows. An aroma of damp soil and cement wafts up from below the feet and tickles the nose. A squirrel who seems to believe it is hidden behind a thick willow branch stares in disappointment that I am out of sunflower seeds and have only peanuts to offer from breakfast. Puck has not yet gotten out of bed or rather out from under the bed this morning, but he coughs now and then to let me know he is okay. Veronica came by, demanded a treat, and disappeared again. My, what a pleasant morning. I hope the whole day goes like this.

Hope your weekend cleans up on fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Misery might love company, but so does Joy. And Joy throws much better parties. --Billy Ivey https://www.facebook.com/SFTSorg

They're called mermaids because they sweep the bottom of the ocean. ** I love cleaning up messes I didn't make so much, I became a janitor.

..........Now do you believe in rock and roll.........Don McLean …..American Pie

Trivia Questions: It's World Smile Day!

1. How many muscles does it take to smile?

2. How many muscles does it take to frown?

3. At what age do we begin to smile?

4. Who smiles more, men or women?

5. Are smiles really more beautifying than makeup?

Big Hello: Selam – Zazaki (Northern Iran) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. --Mark Twain

Image of the Week: Senator Roger Marshall of Kansas lives in Florida. In Kansas he's as hard to find as bigfoot. This is a rare sighting at the Indivisible Protest in Lawrence, KS.

Insult of the Week: Thy tongue is steeped in falsehood. --Shakespeare

Don't mess with janitors. They know places where no one will ever find you. ** You've never met a maid who owned an HP or a Dell, right? They all own Imacs. It's because they don't do windows.

..........Starry, starry night.........Don McLean …..Vincent

Moonbeam: There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. --Graham Greene

Blasphemy of the Week: I'm Catholic in that I'm addicted to cats. --Submitted by Blasphemy Memes

Not Blasphemy of the Week: The future cannot afford loyalty without understanding. --Pope Leo XIV

Coffee Joke of the Week: I'm great at multitasking. I can listen, think about coffee, and forget why I was listening...all at the same time. https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=funny%20coffee%20quotes

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There are 492 billionaires on this planet and not one of those losers has decided to become batman. --Submitted by INRITH

Lots of people wanted George Jetson's flying car. Not me, I wanted Rosie. the robot maid, to clean for me. ** I may be a janitor but I cannot clean up after stupid.

..........Whose shadow bears the secret promise..........Sting …..Desert Rose

1) Smiles can require your body to use up to 53 muscles, but you can smile using only 5.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 2, the 275^th day of 2026. The moon enters its last quarter tomorrow and is in Gemini. Today is Audiophile Day, Guardian Angels Day, International Day of Non-violence, Name Your Car Day, National Custodial Workers Day, National Produce Misting Day, National Smarties Day, Peanuts (Cartoon) Day, Phileas Fogg's Wager Day, Shemini Atzeret (Sundown), and World Farm Animals Day. Because it is the first Friday in October it is Kids Music Day, Lee's National Denim Day, Manufacturing Day, National Body Language Day, National Diversity Day, National Manufacturing Day (MFG Day), World College Radio Day, World Plaid Day, and World Smile Day. Finally because it is the first full weekend it is also National Storytelling Weekend (2-4).

Among those born on this day were Richard III (1452), Isabella of Aragon (1470), Nat Turner (1800), Paul von Hinderburg (1847), William Ramsay (1852), Mahatma Gandhi (1869), Groucho Marx (1890), Bud Abbott (1897), Graham Greene (1904), Jack Finney (1911), Spanky McFarland (1928), Johnnie Cochran (1936), Dorothy Pitman Hughes (1938), Vernor Vinge (1944), Don McLean (1945), Annie Leibovitz (1949), Sting (1951), and Warren Spector (1955).

On October second Cartier discovered Montreal (Mount Royal, 1535), the first modern reflecting telescope was completed (1608), the NY Anti-slavery Society was organized (1833), the first Pan American conference opened (DC, 1889), President Wilson suffered a stroke (1919), the first alcohol power plant was established in Atchison , KS (1936) ~~Because this was the best thing Kansans could think up to do with alcohol~~ the first self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated (Chicago, 1942), "Peanuts" first appeared in newspapers (1950), Twilight Zone began airing (1959), Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first black Supreme Court Justice (1967), the plane carrying the Wichita State University football team crashed (1970), and three cosmonauts returned after a record 237 days in orbit (1984).

Night Sky, 10/2: The Orionid meteor shower becomes active today and peaks 9/21-22.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The Sound and the Noodles

This Week: Saturday, October 3 – Frugal Fun Day & National Play Outside Day & World Porridge Day

Sunday, October 4 – Blessing of the Animals & Dick Tracy Day & Kids Music Day & Ten-Four Day

Night Sky, 10/4: Saturn at Opposition — Saturn is at its closest point to Earth and fully illuminated by the Sun, making it appear at its biggest and brightest. It is visible all night

Monday, October 5 – Get Funky Day & The Victims of Marijuana Prohibition Day & World Teachers Day

Night Sky, 10/5: Mars can be seen very near the moon.

Tuesday, October 6 – American Libraries Day & National Badger Day & National Coaches Day

Night Sky, 10/6: Predawn planets: Jupiter, Uranus, & Neptune in the east. Mars rises after midnight. Saturn rises just after sunset.

Wednesday, October 7 – National Inner Beauty Day & National Pumpkin Seed Day & World Cotton Day

Thursday, October 8 – Harry Potter Book Day & National Salmon Day & World Sight Day

Night Sky, 10/7: Sunrise: 7:22 am Sunset: 6:42 pm 11 hours and 11 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 51:32 pm Moonset 10:31 pm

Night Sky, 10/8: Draconid meteor shower. Beginning in the evening and running until early morning. 5-10 meteors per hour with good, dark skies.

Imperial Widgets fired their janitor. He got the floors so shiny it began to reflect bad decisions. ** I was doing dishes when my roommate came into the kitchen and asked why I was crying. I told her “I was just remembering how I was doing dishes with my mom when I was 10. I told her when I grew up I'd have a maid to do this.”

..........Temptation, frustration..........Sting …..Don't Stand So Close To Me

2) While the myth claims it takes 43-50 muscles to frown, it really takes 6-11.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is a rumor about that the entire press corp both red and blue are begging 45 to ban them from covering JD Vance. @thedailyshow.com

Moonbeam: But if the technological Singularity can happen, it will. --Vernor Vinge ~~The technological singularity is a hypothetical point when artificial intelligence accelerates and self-improves so rapidly that it surpasses human control and comprehension. ~~~~This definition was supplied by google AI. ~~~~~~If it's any comfort, AI DID NOT follow it with Mwaa ha ha.

Fun Fact of the Week: The sun and wind that power solar panels and turbines never have to pass through the Strait of Hormuz. --Submitted by 98%

Video of the Week: Abbott & Costello: Who's On First (5:31)

There is no “way to peace”, There is only peace. --Mahatma Gandhi

If Cinderella had been a dairy maid would she have been called Mozzarella. ** Just because it is my job to clean up does not mean it's your job to make messes.

..........My love is a flame that burns in your name..........Sting …..We'll Be Together

3) Babies seem to be born knowing how to smile. Even blind babies smile. While handshakes, hugs, and bows are culturally defined, smiles are universal signs of happiness and acceptance. Most doctors believe that real smiles occur when babies are awake at the age of 4-6 months.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The estate of Adolf Hitler sued Donald J Trump Thursday for what it called the “blatant theft” of the late German chancellor's design for an arch of triumph in Berlin. --Andy Borowitz

Weird Word of the Week: Dickademic: (adj) When someone uses big words and a serious tone to disguise the fact that they're still wrong. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1325307769030198

Dragon of the Week: Jörmungandr – the Midgard Serpent

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Shield healthy plants from organic weed killers. Cut off the bottom of a clean, used 2-liter Coca-Cola bottle, and cover the weeds with the top half of the bottle. Insert the nozzle of a spray bottle filled with organic herbicide into the neck of the bottle and spray. ~~Better yet, pull the damned weeds up and never use herbicides.

I am a janitor but my official title is Angel. ** When I get home at night, I'm way beyond tired. I'm actually sweepy.

...........I'll be watching you..........Sting …..Every Breath You Take

4) Generally women smile more than men. However when they are in similar work or social roles, they tend to smile about the same number of times. Boy babies, though, do smile less than girl babies. Girl babies also make more eye contact.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So embarrassing when you stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back at you, so you wave, but the abyss was staring at someone behind you. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Archcon 2026 (2-4, St Louis, MO) ...special guest Larry Niven!!!! https://archonstl.org/

Whatever This Is of the Week: The squirrels who come and eat sunflower seeds and peanuts on my patio, have begun to sneak the peanuts away – one at a time. I believe he/she/they are hiding them for winter. I've only ever seen one at a time, come to shed roof and look around, then skinny down and pick up a single nut, and skinny back up stopping mid climb to look around again. Finally disappearing into the trees with the nut uneaten. There are a few nut shells on the roof, so someone is snacking.

Spark of Joy of the Week: Autumn – a poem by Ursula K Le Guin

gold of amber

red of ember

brown of umber

all September

I recently got an Eastern European maid to help clean around the house. I showed her where everything was: trash bin, broom, dust mop, vacuum. She said she’d start right away. When I came back from work, she was still vacuuming, 8 hours later. Well, she is a Slovac. ** Janitor! I'm paid to clean up your crap, not take it.

..........So I'll wait for the wild rose that's waitin' for me.........Don McLean …..Mountains Of Mourne

5) A research study conducted by Orbit Complete discovered that 69% of people find women more attractive when they smile than when they are wearing makeup. The better we feel about ourselves, the happier we are.

Protest Sign of the Week: MaLICE CowardICE DisservICE PrejudICE InjustICE

Better Protest Sign of the Week: RESIST with JOY! Goodness Exists. Look For It!

Quote of the Week: Above all, always be capable of feeling deeply any injustice committed against anyone, anywhere in the world. This is the most beautiful quality in a revolutionary. --Che Guevara

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm just one sensory overload away from jail. --Submitted by FTLOD

Today's Peace of History: October 2, 1967: Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as an associate justice of the United States Supreme Court, the first African American on the nation's highest court. He was appointed to the Court by President Lyndon Johnson who previously had appointed him Solicitor General, the legal officer in the Justice Department responsible for representing the United States before the Supreme and federal appellate courts. Marshall had been the lead attorney in the Brown v. Board of Education case which led to the end of legal segregation in the nation’s schools.

I'm guessing janitors hate the first day of school as much as the students. ** My maid doesn't drink at all. She's a dry cleaner.

..........Love the way you smile at me.........Don McLean …..Birthday Song

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, October 2, 2026: The Clean ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Without economic empowerment, you're not free, and Black folks have not gained that freedom we fought for. --Dorothy Pitman Hughes

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 10/1/26: $1,020,702,251,165 This week it comes to nineteen billion, four hundred and seventeen million, eight hundred and fifteen thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seven dollars to blow things up.

Pentagon Spending 9/24/26: $1,001,284,435,338

Peace is the most powerful weapon of mankind. --Mahatma Gandhi

Pentagon Spending in September 2026: $83,835,546,693

Pentagon Spending in August 2026: $89,089,647,361

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

True humility means most the strenuous and constant endeavor, entirely directed towards the service of humanity. --Mahatma Gandhi

Famous Last Words: ...and you bet your life. --Groucho Marx

..........On her back is the battle of Waterloo..........Groucho Marx …..Lydia The Tattooed Lady

All maids love their brooms. That is a sweeping generalization. ** I'm not just a janitor, I'm a dirt ninja.

May Peace clear your spirit

And Joy polish you mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

The Android ePistle

Famous First Words: Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces... The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner

Rise and Shine. ePistliers! These fresh horrors aren't going to face themselves.

Tomorrow, September 26, is National Robot Day! When the war with the machines starts everybody wants to blow up the printer; nobody wants to shoot the coffee maker. / Rob Robot loves all of Anne Droid's novels. / Rosie the Robot always used to take the long way home. They called it R2 Detour.

..........Moving her body like an old tin can.........The Incredible String Band …..Robot Blues

No one learns more about a problem than the person on the bottom. --Sandra Day O'Connor

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 1 - We do not want war.

The light is just beginning to reveal the world anew. I've had a “bad night” restless, nearly sleepless due to numbness and pain in my right arm and hand. I'm afraid that typing might make it worse. But I still like to hear the light rain against the window and to listen to the birds. Have a great day out there.

Hope your weekend is naturally fun, audience of real live people.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just realized that the paper towels at the side of the gas pump are there so you can wipe your tears after you fill your tank. --Kenneth Waggoner --Submitted by ks of ks

Optical Illusion of the Week: Goat or kookaburra bird I love these illusions.

I must admit there are living people whom I think ought to be Upgraded or be deleted. / When I found Dolly Droid plugged into my phone charger all I did was point a finger at her. She smiled and said, “guilty as charged”.

..........Rock, Robot, Rock.........Daft Punk …..Robot Rock

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 2 - The opposite party alone is guilty of war.

Trivia Questions: It's Save The Koalas Day!

1. Why do koalas need to be saved?

2. They're called koala bears but what are they really?

3. Since Australia has many indigenous languages there are many different names for the koala. Many of them mean “no water”; why?

4. What is the koala lifespan?

5. How many koalas are left on the planet?

Big Hello: Ba'ax ka wa'alik – Yucatec Maya (Mexico) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Wrote of the Week: Single ladies, tired women, girls starting out...speaking of robotics and technology, there is new, good sex technology these days. You can get it online so you never have to face a human if you're embarrassed. What you get is twice the orgasams in half the time with NONE of the ego.

Image of the Week: Singers from the Lawrence, KS weekly Indivisible/Free Lawrence protests (Sundays, 12-1 pm, 9^th & Mass)

Insult of the Week: Bringing you up to speed is like trying to explain Norway to a dog.

Dobby Droid ran away from his job as Elon Musk's go-fer. He joined the heavy metal band, Droidlocks. Their big hit was Light My Wire. / That woman is way too obsessed with AI. Her pet dog is the Mars Rover.

….......may be paranoid but not an android..........Radiohead …..Paranoid Android

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 3 - The enemy is the face of the devil.

Moonbeam: Comfortable shoes and the freedom to leave are the 2 most important things in life. --Shel Silverstein

Blasphemy of the Week: Beware those who claim to know the mind of God and are prepared to use force, if necessary, to make others conform. Beware those who cannot tell God's will—from their own. --Barbara Brown Taylor

Coffee Joke of the Week: The lab wanted everybody to love their new creation, Andy Android. So they figured they needed to program it to love others. Try as they might, they never found a way to do that. So they taught it to make coffee and sure enough everybody loves it.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Billionaires suddenly turning against AI makes me wonder if the models suggested wealth redistribution as the actual solution to a problem. --Submitted by 98%

You know when the computer asks you if you're a robot. It's just Cyrus Cyborg trying to find his mom. So sad. / I swear AI never gets it right. I sent my brother an email saying I needed a break and my computer sent me a case of KitKat bars.

..........no remorse, metal bloodshed..........Shikari …..Robot Wars

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 4 - We defend a noble cause, not our own interests.

1) Koalas are losing their habitat to housing, agriculture, roads, and logging. Bushfires and heat waves can be fatal to koalas. Also cars and dogs kill about 4,000 koalas a year. Drought is also a problem mostly by killing eucalyptus leaves.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 25. The moon will be full (Harvest) tomorrow (9/26) and is in Pisces. Today is Acne Scar Day, Ask A Stupid Question Day, Math Storytelling Day, National Daughters Day, National Lobster Day, National One-Hit Wonder Day, National Psychotherapy Day, National Quesadilla Day, National Research Administrators Day, National Tune-up Day, (World) Ataxia Awareness Day, World Lung Day, World Pharmacists Day, and Sukkot (begins at sundown). Because it is the last Friday in September it is also Hug A Vegan Day and/or Hug A Vegetarian Day, Baking Day, Save The Koala Day, and Support Purple for Platelets Day. Finally, because it is the 4^th Friday it is National Bakery Day, and Native American Day.

Among those born on this day were Fletcher Christian (1764), William Faulkner (1897), Mark Rothko (1903), Ethel Rosenberg (1915), Phil Rizzuto (1918), Barbara Walters (1929), Shel Silverstein (1930), John S. Bull (1934), Juliet Prowse (1936), Michael Douglas (1944), Mark Hamill (1951), Christopher Reeve (1952), Will Smith (1968), Catherine Zeta-Jones (1969), and Donald Glover (1983).

On September twenty-fifth Balboa became the first European to see the Pacific Ocean (1513), the first press in the new world began printing (1639), Publick Occurrences became the first newspaper in the new world (Boston, 1690), the US Secretary of the Navy authorized the enlistment of slaves (1861), Congress proposed the Bill of (12) Rights (1789), Yosemite National Park was established (1890), ground breaking for Fenway Park began (1811), president Wilson collapsed (1919), Lou Gehrig played in his 1500th consecutive game (1934), the first transatlantic telephone cable went into operation (1956), the Beatles cartoon debuted in the US (1965), and Sandra Day O'Connor was sworn in as the first female supreme court justice (1981).

Night Sky, 9/25: The moon is at 98% illumination and Neptune is in opposition to the sun.

Fraternal Pictures of the Week: Max turns 8

 and A boy and his hog

This Week: Saturday, September 26 – International Rabbit Day & National Doodle Day & World Contraception Day

Sunday, September 27 – Crush A Can Day & Happy Daughters Day & National Day of Forgiveness

Night Sky, 0/27: Morning Planets: Mars lines up with Castor and Pollux in Gemini and Jupiter shines near Regulus.

Monday, September 28 – International Right To Know Day & National Drink Beer Day & National Good Neighbor Day

Tuesday, September 29 – National Coffee Day & VFM Day & Silent Movie Night

Night Sky, 9/29: Evening Plantes: Venus, Mercury, Saturn, and Neptune.

Wednesday, September 30 – Blasphemy Day & National Love People Day & Recovery Day

Thursday, October 1 – International Coffee Day & National Hair Day & Vegan Baking Day

Night Sky, 10/1: Sunrise: 7:16 am Sunset: 7:04 pm 11 hours and 48 minutes of daylight. Moonset: 1:08 pm Moonrise: 10:12 pm

It's not fair; no matter how many bytes they take, biobots never gain weight. / No! No, please, don't take your robot to the shoe store to get it rebooted.

..........I'd just have to wind him with a robot key.........Connie Francis …..Robot Man

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 5 - The enemy systematically commits cruelties; our mishaps are involuntary.

2) A koala is a tree-dwelling marsupial (Phascolarctos cinereus) native to Australia. They give birth to very undeveloped young called pinkies that are nursed in a pouch. Phascolarctos is Greek and means “pouch bear” and cinereus is Latin and means “ash colored”.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Have you ever noticed how many towns are named after their water tower? --Steve Acree Submitted by jm of ks

Moonbeam: If the track is tough and the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain't enough. --Shel Silverstein

Fun Facts of the Week: A reminder, these are the three laws of robotics set forth by Isaac Asimov 1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2) A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings except when such an order would conflict with the First Law. 3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. ~~Have the designers demanded these laws be part of any and all AI systems? Have the programmers figured out how to program it into them?

Another Literary Fun Fact About Robots of the Week: The word robot was coined by Karel Čapek in a play called RUR (Rossum's Universal Robots, 1920). I seem to remember that the robots saved the world (but not necessarily the human race) because AI or evolution made 2 robots fall in love. My favorite Čapek book is The Absolute At Large. It's about GOD (not that one) being set loose on earth.

Video of the Week: Cute koala video (1:23) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=445931414565230

The freedom to criticize judges and other public officials is necessary to a vibrant democracy. The problem comes when healthy criticism is replaced with more destructive intimidation and sanctions. --Sandra Day O'Connor

My robot dog is a model K9-3000. It chases data instead of sticks. / Alex Android was recently promoted to CEO of Yahoo. It was once one of the scanners whose job is looking for sedition threats in everybody's emails. But it couldn't laugh at the boss' jokes so he was going to fire it. Then the board of directors realized the android was more efficient, faster, and never took time off to expect laughs. So they fired the old CDO and hired the robot.

..........Pumping Valvoline.........Mayer Hawthorne …..Robot Love

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 6 - The enemy uses forbidden weapons.

3) Koalas are called no drink or no water because they rarely descend from trees to drink. They get almost all their hydration from the eucalyptus leaves they eat. ~~If this is true, why are 4,000 killed by dogs and cars every year?

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If a plant is sad do other plants photosympathize with it? --Submitted by LanguageNerds

Weird Word of the Week: Selenology – the scientific study of the moon. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/selenology

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Water tomatoes or melons. Cut a 2-inch diameter hole in the bottom side of a clean, empty 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola. Drill a 1/16 inch hole in the cap or 1/8 inch for clay soil. Plant the capped bottle upside-down six inches deep and roughly one foot away from the base of the tomato plants or in the middle of a melon hill. Fill the bottle with water every 4 days by placing a hose in the hole you cut in the base. For greater saturation, drill roughly a dozen holes in the top rounded part of the bottle before burying it. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola4.html

My automaton assistant went crazy and had to be recalled. She was just trying to search for some quotes from Brainyquotes.com. But the site demanded that she prove she wasn't a robot. She stayed at it for 3 days and then began pulling bolts out of her body. / Robot couples don't have relationships; they have relationchips.

...........Here comes a robot with electric brains.........They Might Be Giants …..Robot Parade

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 7 - We suffer small losses, those of the enemy are enormous.

4) Koalas living in the wild typically live 10 to 15 years. The oldest known feral koala was a female aged 19 years. In captivity, koalas tend to live longer, reaching 15-20 years.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When life gives you lemons, congratulate yourself, you've avoided scurvy.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Ancient City Con (26-27, St Augustine, FL) Adventure is waiting... https://www.ancientcitycon.com/

Whatever This Is of the Week: How do we poets write poems in this age of a great dumpster fire? Our job as poets is to chronicle that dumpster fire. That's how every great epic in history got written. The Iliad is a chronicle of a great cultural dumpster fire. --Suazeus Simon Seamount

Spark of Joy of the Week: JV Vance referred to the left as “the fart left”. Fenton Bailey's response: “Better to be on the fart left than in the Turd Reich”. --Submitted by Catsonacouch

If these damned machines are so smart why don't they fix the printer? / My cyber assistant and I were walking down Broadway and I wanted a drink so we stopped at a bar. I ordered a shot of 12 year old single malt Scotch and the cyber sighed and said “I really need to loosen up, how about a screwdriver?”

..........we're such a perfect match.........Was Not Was …..Robot Girl

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 8 - Artists and intellectuals back our cause.

5) Estimates of the number of koalas in the world range from 100,000 to 900,000. This includes wild and captive koalas.

Protest Sign of the Week: Geezers Against Caesars ...actually a t-shirt

Quote of the Week: We live in a world where there is more and more information, and less and less meaning. --Jean Baudrillard

Second Quote of the Week: Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. --Mark Skousen --Submitted by AnarchistBeauties

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was reading about the myth of Prometheus today when the phrase “new liver, same eagles” popped into my mind, so I'm keeping that in mind for the next time someone asks me how it's going. --gayarsonist --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Today's Peace of History: September 25, 1957: Nine African-American children, protected by 300 members of the US Army's 101st Airborne Division, with fixed bayonets, entered the previously all-white Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Professors Port and Beach built a humanoid and thought it was amusing for the power switch to be toggled by a kick in its butt. / I'll say one thing for my robot friend, it always has cache.

..........Machine or mannequin.........Styx …..Mr Roboto

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 9 - Our cause is sacred.

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, September 25, 2026: The Android ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Never explain what you do. It speaks for itself. You only muddle it by talking about it. --Shel Silverstein

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 9/24/26: $1,001,284,435,338 That's nineteen billion, One hundred and thirty-six million, two hundred and nineteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-six dollars this week. Notice too that the running total has reached a trillion dollars.

Pentagon Spending 9/17/26: $982,148,215,862

Pentagon Spending 9/10/26: $962,112,225,540

Pentagon Spending 9/3/26: $942,699,874,972

Non-violence is more powerful than violence. --Cesar Chavez

Pentagon Spending in August 2026: $89,089,647,361

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I've always said that at the end of the day, on a legal issue, I think a wise old woman and a wise old man are going to reach the same conclusion. --Sandra Day O'Connor

Famous Last Words: ...and to the States, respectively, or to the people. US Constitution, Article 10. Because it's Bill Of Rights Day.

Ten Commandments of War Propaganda: 10 - All who doubt our propaganda are traitors. --Arthur Ponsonby

..........Finally, robotic beings rule the world.........Flight of the Conchords …..Robots

There's a Robot Restaurant in Lawrence. It's called Dell Taco. / Nancy the nanobot had a hard time making friends – human or humanoid. She had a literal chip on her shoulder. / Ralph the Robot used to hide in the closet whenever it heard the can opener.

May you breathe out Peace

And breathe in Joy

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: 

Sam's ePistle

Famous First Words: Fugitive Slave Riot in Lancaster Co, Pa. --headline in the first New York Daily Times newspaper 9/18/1851 Extra Credit: Christiana Riot (aka incident aka resistance)

A Happy 317^th Birthday to Samuel Johnson! I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. && He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. --Samuel Johnson

..........You get everything that you need in there..........Jimmie Rodgers …..Nobody Knows But Me

There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. --Booker T Washington

It is the beginning of another HOT day in Kansas. The air is muggy and the temperature is 85°F and it's not yet 10 am. But Weather.com is promising cooler weather for the weekend...a high in the 60s on Sunday. So we all have our fingers crossed. I've been to the doctor this morning. Not only did he pronounce me alive – that's important when you're in your 80s and when you see pictures of Mitch McConnell every day looking like he's not really alive even when they prop him up in a wheelchair. Stay cool!

Hope your weekend is filled with wit and wisdom, kind ladies and gentle men.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why do eggs come in flimsy cardboard boxes, yet batteries come in packets only a chainsaw can open? https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19gpNn3R2N/

A writer only begins a book. A reader finishes it. && Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. --Samuel Johnson

..........We're gonna ride the surf.........Frankie Avalon …..Beach Party

Trivia Questions: Happy National Cheeseburger Day!

1. When and/or where was the first cheeseburger fried up?

2. When and/or where did the name “cheeseburger” become official?

3. In what exact position should cheese be in the cheeseburger?

4. How high did Jimmy Buffet's Cheeseburger In Paradise make on the charts?

5. How big was the biggest commercially available cheeseburger?

Big Hello: Ẹ ńlé – Yorba (spoken in west Africa) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a midterm vote today. --Wimpy

Image of the Week: My Brother, Fletcher Hendrix Bray (But I call him FH)

A Wandering Share of the Week: Today my brother would have turned 86 years old. I miss him so much. He turned me on to folk music, beat poetry, and Henry Gregor Felsen. He was also my source for information about our childhood and family history in general. Now I'm that source for my other brother and all the grand and great grandchildren - a task for which I feel very unqualified. FH was a physicist who worked for Boeing in Seattle for years. Of course that led to rocket scientist jokes. (I prefer working with rocket scientists. They always seem to understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.") He was in non-destructive testing; non-destructive was the term for “living humans are involved”. He once talked a co-worked into growing a beard and then the guy couldn't wear the helmet of the non-destructive suit; so he had to shave. Fletch lived in Phoenix and wore a T-shirt that read: There goes Arizona, trying to out-Florida Texas. At one of my high school reunions (maybe 55 years) one of the Staley girls said their older sister had told them to ask if Fletch was still good looking. I've always thought so.

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. && My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. --Samuel Johnson

..........There's no girl I know can beat 'er..........Frankie Avalon …..Dede Dinah

Moonbeam: The failure to dissect the cause of war leaves us open for the next installment. --Chris Hedges

Blasphemy of the Week: Jesus Christ is the most famous victim of identity theft. --James Talarico

Insult of the Week: I don't think his cornbread is done in the middle.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “If you don't own a gun, you can't have an opinion on the Second Amendment.” Cool take! Now do uteruses.

I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read. && Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --Samuel Johnson

..........A teenager ne'er do well..........Frankie Avalon …..Beauty School Dropout

1) Cheeseburger history is heavily debated. Pasadena, CA (1924) is the leading contender. Lionel Sternberger, a teenager working at his father's sandwich shop, The Rite Spot, experimentally dropped a slice of American cheese onto a sizzling burger patty. He called it a Cheese hamburger. Next is LA (1928) O'Dell's had a menu item cheeseburger smothered in chili. Also Louisville, KY (1934), then Denver, CO (1935) get honorable mention.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 18, 2026. The moon reaches its first quarter tonight and is in Sagittarius. Today is Air Force Birthday, Chiropractic Founders Day, Hug A Greeting Card Writer Day, International Equal Pay Day, National Ceiling Fan Day, National Cheeseburger Day, National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day, National Respect Day, Read An Ebook Day, and World Water Monitoring Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also Constitution Day, Pledge Across America, International Grenache Day, National Concussion Awareness Day, National POW/MIA Recognition Day, and National Tradesmen Day.

Among those born on this day were Samuel Johnson (1709), Adrien-Marie Legendre (1752), Booker T Washington (1895), Agnes De Mille (1905), Eddie "Rochester" Anderson (1905), Greta Garbo (1905), John J. Rhodes (1916), Rossano Brazzi (1916), Nikolai N. Rukavishnikov (1932), Jimmie Rodgers (1933), Roman Polanski (1933), Fred Willard (1933), Frankie Avalon (1940), Chris Hedges (1955), James Gandolfini (1961), Spike Spice (1966), Aisha Tyler (1970), Jada Pinkett Smith (1971), Lance Armstrong (1971), and James Marsden (1973).

On September 18^th the first piano in the US was documented (Boston, 1769), the cornerstone was laid for the Capitol Building (1810), the NY Times began publishing (1851), the Pacific Stock Exchange opened (1882), DD Palmer became the first chiropractor (1895), Britain tested its first twin-engine airplane (1911), CBS went on the air (Columbia, 1927), CBC went on the air (Canadian, 1942), Ralph Bunche became the UN mediator in Palestine (1948), Vanguard 3 was launched into orbit (1959), Get Smart premiered (1965), and the first black NL umpire umped (1972).

Night Sky, 9/18: Venus is dazzling in the west tonight. It's at its greatest brilliancy.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Bike rack workout

This Week: Saturday, September 19 – International Coastal Cleanup Day & National Dance Day & National Gymnastics Day

Sunday, September 20 – National Care For Kids Day & World Cleanup Day & Yom Kippur begins at sundown

Night Sky, 9/20: The core of the Milky Way is visible in the south and southwest near Sagittarius and Scorpius.

Monday, September 21 – International Day Of Peace

Tuesday, September 22 – Hobbit Day & Ice Cream Cone Day & World Rhino Day & Autumnal Equinox

Night Sky, 9/22: The sun crosses the celestial equator at 0:05 (UTC) which is 7:05 pm CDT

Wednesday, September 23 – Dogs In Politics Day & International Day of Sign Languages & Celebrate Bi-Sexuality Day

Thursday, September 24 – Punctuation Day & World Gorilla Day & World Maritime Day

Night Sky, 9/24: Sunrise: 7:04 am Sunset 7:25 pm 12 hours and 21 minutes of daylight Moonset: 1:23 am Moonrise: 12:50 pm

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust. && To keep your secret is wisdom, but to expect others to keep it is folly. --Samuel Johnson

..........the bestest pal you've ever hand..........Frankie Avalon …..After You've Gone

2) In 1935 a trademark for the name Cheeseburger was awarded to Louis Ballast of the Humpty Dumpty drive-in in Denver, CO.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Oh, no. I just found out I'm Anna's imaginary friend. I thought she was mine.

Moonbeam: Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater. --Roman Polanski

Fun Fact of the Week: If the vacuum of space didn't block sound from reaching us, the sun would be as loud as a jackhammer everywhere on Earth.

Video of the Week: Maxwell Smart and the Chief use the portable cone of silence. (1:24) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2820809981502415

You can't hold someone down without staying down with them. --Booker T Washington

Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find? && People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed. --Samuel Johnson

..........make my dreams come true........Frankie Avalon …..Venus In Blue Jeans

3) The default position for most cheese slices is squarely on top of the burger patty. At least, this was a widely held position until people on the internet lost their minds in 2017 when Google's cheeseburger emoji featured cheese being placed below the patty, spurring a brief but intense internet debate as to the cheese's rightful place in the burger hierarchy.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just think it would be better for everyone if the people who make adhesive for maxi pads and the people who make adhesive for bookstore price stickers switched jobs. --Janel Comeau --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Weird Word of the Week: Syzygy: the alignment of three celestial objects (sun, moon, earth; a rare and beautiful astronomical event. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/syzygy

Dragons of the Week: Amanda Weston

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make a hot cap for your vegetable garden. Remove the label from a clean, empty two-liter plastic bottle of Coca-Cola, cut the bottle in half with a pair of scissors, and place the top half of the bottle over the seedlings. Take off the cap for ventilation and replace the cap at night to retain heat and moisture. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

This is one of the disadvantages of wine, it makes one mistake words for thoughts. && Read over your compositions, and wherever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out. --Samuel Johnson

...........How long does your momma think we'll wait, wait, wait.........Frankie Avalon …..Ginger Bread

4) Cheeseburger in Paradise made it to #32 on Billboard's 100 Top Hits chart in 1978.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Stop thinking my posts are about you. You're not the only freak show I know. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: SEMOCon 2026 (Southeast Missouri Convention, 18-20, Poplar Bluff, MO) ...Down the rabbit hole... https://www.semocon.com/

Whatever This Is of the Week: Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Spark of Joy of the Week: A woman who colors her gray hair is not “afraid of aging.” A woman who leaves it gray hasn't “given up.” Sometimes hair is just hair, and women are allowed to do whatever the hell they like with theirs. -A Women Soul

Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks. && God Himself does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I? --Samuel Johnson

..........No broken hearts for us..........Frankie Avalon …..Why

5) The largest commercially sold cheeseburger weighed 1,794 pounds and was made by Mallie's Sport Grill & Bar in Southgate, MI. It included 2000 lbs of raw meat and 300 lbs of cheese. It was 3 feet tall, 5 feet wide, and cost $7,799.

Protest Sign of the Week: End Billionaire Welfare

Better Protest Sign of the Week: NOT Red vs Blue BUT Billionaires vs You

Best Protest Sign of the Week: Trump's Administration Is A Crime Wave With A Press Office.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Get out there and be the reason someone increases their meds today. --Submitted by ScienceHumor

Today's Peace of History: September 18, 1961: Earl Bertrand Russell and Lady Edith Russell were released from prison after serving one week of their two-month sentences. They had been part of a Hiroshima Day vigil in Hyde Park, and were accused of inciting civil disobedience.

It is better to live rich than to die rich. && Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. --Samuel Johnson

..........A rub dub, just relaxing in the tub..........Frankie Avalon …..Splish Splash

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, September 18, 2026: Sam's ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever. --Lance Armstrong

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 9/17/26: $982,148,215,862 That's twenty billion, thirty-five million, Nine hundred and ninety-three thousand, three hundred and twenty-two dollars for war this week.

Pentagon Spending 9/10/26: $962,112,225,540

Pentagon Spending 9/3/26: $942,699,874,972

Peace is always beautiful. --Walt Whitman

Pentagon Spending in August 2026: $89,089,647,361

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Measles in the US: September: 3.294 confirmed cases (725 new cases)

August: 2566 (335 new cases)

July: 2231 (158 new cases)

June: 2073 (231 new cases)

May: 1,842 (94 new cases)

April: 1,748 (386 new cases)

March: 1,362

In the entire year 2010 there were only 63 confirmed cases. https://www.cdc.gov/measles/data-research/index.html

I shall allow no one to belittle my soul by making me hate them. --Booker T Washington

Famous Last Words: We're going to the police. --Final line of Roman Polanski's Knife In The Water

..........to go his bail.........JImmie Rodgers …..In The Jailhouse Now

Being in a ship is like being in jail, with the chance of being drowned. && No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money. --Samuel Johnson

May Peace take you places

And Joy walk you home

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: It's Equal Pay Day