Hound Dog ePistle

Famous First Words: An act to provide for the general welfare... Preamble Social Security Act (H.R. 7260)

It's Elvis Week!! (8-16) It's 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, 4 for sales, 5 for customer service, and 6 to hear these options again.  I have an idea for a chain of Elive Steakhouses for people who love meat tender.

..........The “he” is always lower case.........Steve Martin & the Stone Canyon Rangers …..Atheists Don't Have No Songs

A government which deliberately enacts injustice, and persists in it, will at length ever become the laughingstock of the world. --Henry David Thoreau

It is a muggy Friday morning (relative humidity 79%). The sky is partly cloudy but the uncloudy parts are not a clear deep blue. Instead they are hazy and very pale. No breeze is apparent on the cheek and only the tiniest willow branches are moving. A small army of squirrels (4-6) are in the backyard eating sunflower seeds and peanuts and chasing each other around, swishing tails and making squeaking noises. They also banged the metal water bowl to alert me that it has no water in it. Puck, meanwhile, is asleep under my desk snoring and snorting. Guard dogging is not in his job description. I'm in great shape, afterall, I am sipping my doctored decaf and writing to you. Life can't get much better than that.

Hope your weekend shines bright ahead, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book. --Terry Pratchett

Whatever This Is Of The Week: “War Profiteer” used to be an insult. Eric Trump and Don Jr. rebranded it. Now, they're calling it “patriotic capitalism”. Since their father took office and started a war, companies they've backed have pulled in $3.2 billion in government business – with the right to bid exclusively on up to$200 billion more. In case you were wondering why the war is taking longer than the “4 to 6 weeks” felon in chief projected... --Submitted by FNOG

Elvis discovered a dinosaur fossil at Graceland. He dubbed it the Elvisaurus.  Elvis likes his martinis all shook up.

..........It says sprocket not socket..........Steve Martin …..Let's Get Small

Trivia Questions: Happy National Lizard Day

1. How many unique lizard species make their home in the United States?

2. How many US lizards are venomous?

3. Which US lizard shoots blood from its eyes?

4. Which US lizard can run on its back legs?

5. What is the most common lizard found in the US?

Big Hello: Na nga def – Wolof (Senegal) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just found out that it's “up to your family” whether a female is buried with a bra on or not. I'm just warning anyone in my family now, if you bury me with a bra on, I will haunt every one of you for the rest of your lives!!!! --Alondra E Adevedo --Submitted by aakb of kc

Image of the Week: I was cleaning out some computer files and came across the last estate sale pictures. This is 4 Mugs 2020

I don't always listen to Elvis Presley but when I do so do my neighbors.  When Lindsey Graham got to heaven he asked if he could meet Elivs and was told that Elvis was still alive and living quietly in Peoria.

..........Kisses like Pop Rocks..........Steve Martin …..Angel In Flip-Flops

Moonbeam: Religion was nearly dead because there was no longer real belief in future life; but something was struggling to take its place – service – social service – the ants creed, the bees creed. --John Galsworthy

Blasphemy of the Week: Caption for a picture of Jesus feeding the 4 or 5000: And so, he passed out loaves to the hungry. And fishes for those who were low-carbing or needed to get Omega-3 for their hair.

Coffee Joke of the Week: Coffee: Turning water into hope.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I watched three joggers outside, and it inspired me to get up and close the curtains. --Submitted by jm of ks

You know, Elf-is Presley is Santa's favorite 50s singer.  Elvis once worked in a bakery. He was known for his hunk o' burning dough.

..........Who knew Ivan was a czar..........Steve Martin & Paul McCartney …..Best Love

1) Over 50 native lizard species live in the US, mostly in the warm southern and western states.

Almanac: It is Friday, 8/14/26. The moon was new last Wednesday (8/12) and is in Virgo. Today is Military Marriage Day, National Lizard Day, National Navajo Code Talkers Day, Romance Awareness Day, Social Security Day, St. Maximillian Kolbe Day - the patron saint of Ham Radio operators, Victory in Japan (V-J) Day, and World Calligraphy Day. Because this is the third weekend it is also Kool-Aid Days.

Among those born on this day were Doc Holliday (1851), Ernest Seton (1860), John Glasworthy (1867), John Ringling North (1903), Alice Ghostley (1923), Buddy Greco (1926), Lina Wertmüller (1928), David Crosby (1941), Steve Martin (1945), Susan St James (1946), Danielle Steel (1947), Gary Arson (1950), Jackée (1957), Magic Johnson (1959), Susan Olson (1961), and Halle Berry (1966).

On August fourteenth Construction began on the Cologne Cathedral (1248), Thoreau was jailed for tax resistance (1846), The Oregon Territory was created (1848), Construction was completed on the Cologne Cathedral (1880), France began to require driving tests and licenses (1893), The US invaded Nicaragua (1912), Social Security became law (1935), The first night game was played at Comiskey Park (1939), India was granted self determination within the British empire (1947), Stephen Stills was arrested on cocaine possession (1970), and Pete Rose (Phillies) broke Hank Aaron's record (1982).

Night Sky, 8/14: Venus is at its greatest angular distance from the Sun and shines brightly in the west after sunset.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Dessert For Breakfast Day

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Andrew Tate: I don't sleep with vaccinated women. Stephjane: Yay, the vaccines are working. --Submitted by Catsonacouch

This Week: Saturday, August 15- Best Friends Day & Chef Appreciation Day & National Honey Bee Day

Sunday, August 16- National Roller Coaster Day & Surveillance Day & World Helicopter Day

Night Sky, 8/16: Jupiter, Mercury, Mars, Uranus, Saturn, Neptune, and Betelgeuse) are visible in the east pre-dawn.

Monday, August 17- Black Cat Appreciation Day & National Nonprofit Day & National Thrift Shop Day

Tuesday, August 18- Bad Poetry Day & Mail Order Catalog Day & Serendipity Day

Night Sky, : Sunrise: 6:33 am Sunset: 8:18 pm 13 hours and 45 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 8:42 am Moonset: 9:20 pm

Wednesday, August 19- Aviation Day & National Potato Day & Talk Like JarJar Day & World Humanitarian Day

Night Sky, 8/19: The moon enters its first Quarter on the cusp of Scorpio/Sagittarius.

Thursday, August 20- International Day of Medical Transporters & National Radio Day & World Mosquito Day

There is an Egyptian Elvis impersonator down at the comedy club. He calls himself Amal Shookup.  If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --Johnny Carson

..........I would have gone with you..........Steve Martin & Edie Brickell …..Back In The Day

2) There is only one venomous lizard native to the US, the Gila Monsters (Heloderma suspectum). They chew to push venom through grooves in their teeth. Their bite is painful but rarely deadly.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kobach insists he's against communism despite getting repeatedly owned by the public.

Moonbeam: The agreement of this law with nature will be better seen by the repetition of experiments than by a long explanation. — Hans Christian Oersted

Video of the Week: It's National Navajo Code Talkers Day! Here a very good description: https://www.history.navy.mil/research/library/online-reading-room/title-list-alphabetically/n/code-talkers.html

Fun Facts of the Week: Navajos could encode, transmit, and decode a three-line English message in 20 seconds. Machines of the time required 30 minutes to perform the same job. In 1942, there were about 50,000 Navajo tribe members. As of 1945, about 540 Navajos served as Marines. From 375 to 420 of those trained as code talkers; the rest served in other capacities.

Extra Video of the Week: Video with Bette Midler: All You Fascists Bound to Lose (2:30)

All men recognize the right of revolution; that is, the right to refuse allegiance to, and to resist, the government, when its tyranny or its inefficiency are great and unendurable. --Henry David Thoreau

What's the difference between Elvis and a smart politician? Elvis has been sighted.  Elvis sang so many sad songs, my mom used to call him Elvis Depressly.

..........Stop this foolish mission..........Steve Martin & Martin Short …..Playing With The Big Boys

3) The North American Horned Lizard can squirt a stream of blood from the corners of its eyes to confuse hungry predators.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Remember to close all parentheses. We're not paying to air condition the entire paragraph. https://www.facebook.com/MXJXL

Weird Word of the Week: Jentacular – pretaining to breakfast https://www.quora.com/What-does-the-word-jentacular-mean

Dragon of the Week: Barcelona, Spain

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make a funnel. Cut a clean, empty two-liter Coca Cola bottle in half and use the capless top half. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a light bulb. 1 for the money but 2 for the show.  “I might join you later” - Translation: You have a better chance of seeing Elvis riding a unicorn than you have of seeing me.

...........Be gentle and peaceful each day..........Steve Martin …..Grandmother's Song

4) The Collared Lizard found across the western US states can run fast on just their hind legs when chasing food or fleeing danger.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Philosophy is basically thinking about thinking, which sounds like a waste of time because it is, although a philosopher might argue that that time they've wasted never existed in the first place. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Long Island Who Convention 2026 (14-16, Holtsville, NY) For over a decade... https://longislanddoctorwho.com/

Questions of the Week: 1) Would Republicans support the SAVE Act if it applied to guns? 2) How many countries tax their citizens so they can send money to the United States?

Spark of Joy of the Week: Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --John Kenneth Galbraith

Crocs, Inc is putting out an Elvis shoe called Jailhouse Crocs.  In the army Elvis was assigned to look for Suspicious Mines.

..........It's a bitch sometimes..........Steve Martin & Kelly Clarkson …..I hate Love

5) The Fence Lizard (genus sceloporus ) is the most widely distributed and commonly encountered native lizard.

Protest Signs of the Week: sign1) Perverts Support Trump sign2) Divorce Your MAGA Husband

Quote of the Week: Brevity is the soul of lingerie. --Dorothy Parker

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: But how do you know you've got power unless you abuse it? https://www.facebook.com/christopher.monley.7

Today's Peace of History: August 14, 1980: After months of labor turmoil, more than 16,000 Polish workers seized control of the Lenin Shipyards in Gdansk. They helped form Solidarnosc (Solidarity), the first independent labor union anywhere in the Soviet bloc, as the Warsaw Pact nations were known. It helped unite the broad political, social, and religious opposition to the Communist government.

What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.  I heard they are making an x-rated movie about Elvis. It's called 50 shades of Blue Suede.

..........Will a baby get tried for matricide..........Steve Martin …..Which Of The Pickwick Triplets Did It

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, August 14, 2026: Hound Dog ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future. --Danielle Steel

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 8/13/26: $883,965,942,581

That's nineteen billion, Four hundred and thirty-five million, Twenty-nine thousand, Five hundred and seventy dollars this week. ~~Three billion more than last week...where did it go?

Pentagon Spending 8/6/26: $864,530,913,011

Pentagon Spending 8/1/26: $847,776,457,111

Peace cannot be bullied into existence. --Ali Jarbawi,

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine. --Henry David Thoreau

Famous Last Words: Hail Mary --St Maksymilian Maria Kolbe executed by Nazis 8/14/1941

..........How'd you get so funky (Funky Tut)..........Steve Martin …..King Tut

Elvis' last greatest hit was the bathroom floor.  What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today? Clawing at the inside of his coffin.

May Peace sing your melody

And Joy pick up your harmony

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Go ePistle Go

Famous First Words: It's alright. You can come out now. –-Billie Burke as Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz

August is National Cheerleading Safety Month. Cheerleader: I Do My Own Stunts ѦѦ My dog thinks he's a cheerleader. He's a pompomeranian.

..........all the people, living life in peace.........John Lennon …..Imagine

There are no warlike people, just warlike leaders. --Ralph Bunche

When I got up, less than an hour ago, the world was a funny color. I don't know how to describe it – yellow, perhaps, or a non-color like glowing or dawn. Now the sky is totally hidden by clouds. Wind is picking up and waving the pom pom tops of the willows like the game is tied in the last few seconds. The neighbors hammack is nearly horizontal like a flag. Predictions expect a little rain for an hour, starting soon, and stopping well before noon. Everything is green, not just the tree leaves and the regularly watered lawns, but everything – surviving hollyhocks, unwatered grass, baby trees. In fact only the tall stalks of catnip seem dry and done. The rabbit and the three squirrels on the back patio nibbling away seem to be watching the weather, looking towards the sky, sniffing the air. It makes for a morning of motion and excitement. But not nearly as exciting as writing to you.

Hope your weekend is worth cheering about, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know what they say, if you weird enough people out, eventually you're bound to weird a few of them in. --thisoneOverhere https://www.facebook.com/JonathanEdwardDurham

Herkimer was so ugly he was a cheerleader at an online university. ѦѦ Well, she lead her résumé with the fact that she was head cheerleader in high school.

..........When peace like a river attendeth my way.........Spafford & Bliss …..It Is Well With My Soul

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Peace Bridge!

1. From where and/or to where does the Peace Bridge go?

2. How long did it take to build the Peace Bridge?

3. Which officials attended the dedication?

4. What was special about the historic broadcast of the dedication?

5. Is the Peace Bridge a toll bridge?

Big Hello: Hej – Westrobothnian (Sweden) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's not gray hair that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences and punctuation when I text. --Submitted by rl of ca

Image of the Week: 2 bunnies & 2 squirrels – eventually there were 3 rabbits, 4 squirrels and 3 birds

Bella was so good at cheerleading that she set up a personal cheerleader business. People hired her to cheer for them at work. ѦѦ Cheerleader: Warning I Might Flip

..........Put a song in our heart..........Eddie Money …..Peace In Our Time

Moonbeam: To die, to sleep, to pass into nothingness, what does it matter. Everything is an illusion. --Mata Hari

Blasphemy of the Week: Every religion has three things: special hats, suspiciously specific snacks, and one guy who has completely misunderstood the assignment. --Submitted by Blasphemy Memes

Coffee Joke of the Week: Coffee: I'm awake. That's as far as this miracle goes.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the near future, AI is going to tell a woman that she is wrong and to calm down...and that, my friends, will be the end of AI. --Aunty Acid --Submitted by cp of ks

I was born to Lead Cheers. I am forced to work. ѦѦ The town's high school basketball team only bothered to show up for the cheerleaders.

..........A light to guide you through the dark.........The Eagles …..I Wish You Peace

1) The Peace Bridge is an international crossing from Buffalo, NY to Fort Erie, Ontario. It spans 5,800 feet across the Niagara River.

Almanac: It is Friday, August 7, 2026. The moon entered its last quarter on Wednesday (8/5) and is in Gemini. Today is Lighthouse Day, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Professional Speakers Day, Purple Heart Day, and US Postal Inspection Service Day. Because it is the first Friday in August it is also Braham Pie Day aka Homemade Pie Day, International Beer Day, National Water Balloon Day, and Tomboy Tools Day. Because it is the first full Weekend it is Twins Day.

Among those born on this day were Contantius II ( 317), Georg Stiernhielm (1598), Mata Hari (1876), Billie Burke (1885), Louis Leakey (1903), Ralph Bunche (1904), Stan Freberg (1926), Jenny Craig (1932), Jerry Pournelle (1933), Helen Caldicott (1938), Garrison Keillor (1942), Robert Mueller (1944), David Duchovny (1960), and Charlize Theron (1975).

On August seventh Columbus arrived in the Caribbean (1498), Kepler's mother was arrested for witchcraft (1620), The US War Department was established (1789), Potatoes were first planted in Hawaii (1820), The Peace Bridge (US & Canada) was dedicated (1927), The first computer chess tournament was held (1970), and The Apollo 15 returned to Earth (1971).

Night Sky, 8/7: If you can get away from light pollution, the Milky Way is beautiful in the southern sky.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys meet R2D2

This Week: Saturday, August 8 – Dalek Day, International Cat Day & Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night

Night Sky, 8/8: The pre-dawn planets are Mercury & Venus & Jupiter.

Sunday, August 9 – Bagel Day & Book Lovers Day & Smokey Bear's Birthday & Global Sleep Under the Stars Night

Monday, August 10 – Agent Orange Awareness Day & Paul Bunyan Day & Smithsonian Day & World Lion Day

Night Sky, 8/10: Sunrise: 6:29 am Sunset: 8:23 pm 13 hours and 53 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 4:58 am Moonset: 7:56 pm

Tuesday, August 11 – National Hip Hop Day & Popsicle Day & Global Kinetic Sand Day & World Steelpan Day

Night Sky, 8/11: 1^st night of the Perseid meteor shower peak. 50-100 meteors/hour.

Wednesday, August 12 – Middle Child Day & Milkman Day & Vinyl Records Day & World Elephant Day

Night Sky, 8/12: 2^nd night of the Perseid meteor shower peak. 50-100 meteors/hour.

Thursday, August 13 – International Lefthanders Day & International Wolf Day & National Prosecco Day

Night Sky, 8/13: Final night of the Perseid meteor shower peak.

Talk about spirit, Hogwarts has an All Ghost Cheerleading Squad. ѦѦ Cheerleaders spell a lot. Maybe they should cheer at the Spelling Bee. Wait, would that be cheating?

..........Give me peace on earth.........George Harrison …..Give Me Love

2) The Peace Bridge groundbreaking began on 8/17/1925 and the bridge officially opened June 1, 1927. So, it took just under 2 years to build. It was dedicated on 8/7/1927.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People blame the devil for everything, Sometimes Satan didn't hide your keys. Sometimes you put them in the refrigerator while holding a yogurt. --Submitted by Blasphemy Memes

Moonbeam: Superstition shall cease; the madness of sacrifices shall be abolished. --Constantius II

Fun Facts of the Week: The Oyster Awards were a satirical creation by Consumer Reports launched in the mid-2000 aughts to shame products with the hardest-to-open, most frustrating plastic clamshell packaging. The awards were named after the hard-to-crack mollusk to highlight extreme "wrap rage" . Oral-B Sonic Complete Toothbrush Kit (2007 Winner): Took over three minutes to open with a box cutter, leaving a table full of sharp plastic shards because scissors could not grip the tight seams. Bratz Sisterz Dolls (2007 Contender): Required nearly 8.5 minutes to open, featuring an astounding 50 separate restraints including rubber bands, tape, and molded plastic covers.

Video of the Week: Ralph Bunche was the first black man to receive a Nobel Peace Prize: Here's his story on MSNBC (5:00)

Horrible Pun of the Week: Can a bad altarnator cause the Catholic converter to go bad? --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

It is only by patient, persistent, undismayed effort...that peace can be won. --Ralph Bunche

If all the cheerleaders were laid end to end I wouldn't be surprised. --Thanks to Dorothy Parker ѦѦ Jewels and Jim were flyers on the cheer squad at my high school and they both became astronauts because they had already spent all that time floating around in space.

..........Dreamin' about the world as one.........Yusuf aka Cat Stevens …..Peace Train

3) The dedication was High-profile with US Vice President, Charls G Dawes, British Prime Minister, Stanley Baldwin, Canadian Prime Minister, W L Mackenzie King, and the Prince of Wales (Future Edward VIII) Prince George attending.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When am I next free, you ask? I'm forever incarcerated in my own personal flesh prison so I am never truly “free”, but I don't have plans on Wednesday. --Submitted by MMS

Weird Word of the Week: Cornobble (v) – to slap or beat another person with a fish. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cornobble

Dragon of the Week: Mosaic and artist

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean road film from a car windshield. Open a can or bottle of Coca-Cola, pour the Real Thing over the grease and grime on the windshield, being careful not to let the Coca-Cola come in contact with the paint. Then rinse clean with water. (It's okay to drink but not to touch the paint?????) https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

Cheerleader: Able to count and spell at an early age. ѦѦ They used to call him Banana because he was the only one that could do the splits.

...........Allen Ginsberg, Hare Krishna.........The Plastic Ono Band …..Give Peace A Chance

4) The Peace Bridge dedication was simultaneously transmitted by radio in both countries, marking one of the earliest international joint radio broadcasts.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not only are we denying you tenure – we're closing your department and setting the entire university of fire just to be safe. --Elizabeth Boleman-Herring

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Rebel Scum Con 2026 (7-9, Frisco, TX) Don't miss your chance to be part of the action.

Whatever This Is of the Week: Well, I found a CD player and the CD marked ePistle 07 was blank.

Spark of Joy of the Week: If you smoke weed, you get high. If you read books, you get educated. If you do both you get …... Highly Educated. –-https://www.facebook.com/TheHobbitHoleAtArchInn

After every game every cheerleader would come to the Cozy Cafe and say, “Give me a Tea!” ѦѦ It feels like if you know ten cheerleaders, twelve of them have a “worlds” ring from Orlando.

..........Let's get together and feel right.........Bob Marley & the Wailers …..One Love

5) After several years of paying one-way tolls already, new toll facilities were installed on the Canadian side as of January 20, 2002, the Peace Bridge became the first E-Z Pass facility outside the United States. The average car toll is $4. There are no fees for entering the US.

Protest Sign of the Week: Sorry For Being Weird. This Is My First Dictatorship

Quote of the Week: Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian. --Herman Melvinne (b. 8/1/1819)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Breaking: A brand new “Christian men's gym” in Georgia that bans women so pious men can have “lust-free workouts” lasted just 6 days before three men were caught “violating Leviticus in the locker room.” --Ohwoisme https://www.facebook.com/groups/288544190546353/user/100011096044205/

Today's Peace of History: August 7, 1995: Four experienced Plowshares activists, Michele Naar-Obed, Erin Sieber and Rick Sieber, hammered and poured their blood on the USS Greeneville, a fast-attack submarine in production at the Newport News, Virginia, shipyard.

What do you think of classifying cheerleading as a sport? Fine with me, now that “you throw like a girl” has been discredited. ѦѦ If cheerleading were easy, they'd call it football.

..........Come on, people, now smile on your brother.........The Youngbloods …..Get Together

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, August 7, 2026: Go ePistle Go. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Teachers, I believe, are the most responsible and important members of society because their professional efforts affect the fate of the earth. --Helen Caldicott

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 8/6/26: $864,530,913,011 ~~Sixteen billion, Seven hundred and fifty-four million, Four hundred and fifty-five thousand, Nine hundred dollars spent in one week.

Pentagon Spending 8/1/26: $847,776,457,111

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. --Indira Gandhi

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, and tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up. --Ralph Bunche

Famous Last Words: ...heretofore established by the United States Congress' assembled. --Act Creating the Department of War 8/7/1898

..........A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.........The Byrds …..Turn! Turn! Turn!

Cheerleader: I don't need an hour long game to prove what I do is a sport. Give me two minutes and thirty second and I'll blow your mind. ѦѦ Cheerleader: jumps 20 feet in the air, defies gravity, does 10 backflips, defeats Voldemort, comes back to a perfect landing while fireworks go off in the background. Me: Falls on my face trying to put my socks on.

May Peace surround you

And Joy enfold you

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle sPelled

Famous First Words: Yes, Aunt Petunia --First words spoken by Harry Potter in The Sorcerer's Stone

It's Harry Potter Day. Both J K Rowling (1965) and Harry Potter (1980) were born on July 31^st. The Malfoy family tree is a cactus; everyone on it is a prick. Ĩ One of the biggest problems in any school of magic is spelling errors.

..........Deep in the night on a murky brae..........Chorus …..Brigadoon/Once In The Highlands ~~Brigadoon closed at the Ziegfeld Theatre after 581 performance on 7/31/48

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. --Milton Friedman

It is a relatively cool (68°F) Friday morning. Last night's rain left the aroma of damp cement and foliage in the air and it washed the patio clean of shells, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. The sky is clearing to a sparkly blue and a new offering of seeds and nuts are attracting squirrels and birds. Temperatures are creeping up toward unpleasant but aren't there yet. Everything looks shiny and clean; even the blue of the jay and the red of the young cardinal seem cleaner and brighter. Bird song suggests that happy wildlife is enjoying summer's bounty. Even my decaf tastes of summer and heat and over abundance. Such a great morning; and writing to you makes it perfect.

Hope your weekend is magical, fellow muggles.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If “socialism” caused widespread poverty & starvation, Reagan would have flooded the inner-cities with socialism instead of crack cocaine, you idiots. --Terri Aguilar --Submitted by Comrade Punisher

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? 2. One to hold the bulb in place and another to spin the room around. Ĩ Yo mama so fat the Sorting Hat put here in the House of Pancakes.

..........That there's a laddie weary and wanderin' free.........Fiona …..Waitin' For My Dearie

Trivia Questions: Wishing you a most Happy, Happy National Orgasm Day!

1. True or False: Orgasm is a natural painkiller?

2. How long does it take the average woman and/or the average man to reach climax?

3. What part(s) of your brain close down during orgasm?

4. What effect does paying attention (mindfulness) have on orgasm?

5. True or False: Orgasms affect your sense of smell? Click Here for 4 more fun facts on the female orgasm

Big Hello: Helô - Welsh https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They discovered a new species of cat that's like an ocelot but smaller and they DID NOT name it the ocelittle. What are you doing, biologists?? --Gwen C Katz https://www.facebook.com/therealcrediblehulk

Image of the Week: Stitches gone. If anyone asks, it's an old bar fight injury.

Whatever This Is of the Week: The scariest thing about being an English major was looking at the crop of graduate students and realizing that in 20 years they were going to be the people deciding what is good literature and what is just fiction. I am absolutely certain that they would have been the people who claimed James Joyce, the king of run-on sentences, was worthy of the attention of college sophomores.

When Ron got a cold the twins called him ginger ail. ĩ Moaning Myrtle is the only person who is 14 years old but was born 60 years ago.

..........Come ye in the glen..........Chorus …..Down on MacConnachy Square

Moonbeam: Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic –-J K Rowling via Albus Dumbledore

Blasphemy of the Week: If it ain't King James 1611, it ain't Bible. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: A Poem For Mornings --by N Crosby

Coffee,coffee coffee,

Coffee,

Coffee, coffee,

Everyone shut up.

Coffee.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's easy to think of Ayn Rand as a terrible person with an evil philosophy, but if you've ever read her books you'd know she was also a terrible writer. --Ayn Rand

A quidditch team collectively is called broomers. ĩ So who wants to be the one to tell Snape he should smile more?

..........With bonnie Jean my days will fly.........Charlie …..I'll Go Home With Bonnie Jean

1) According to research published by the International Headache Society, 60% of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm. As well as helping to shift migraines, female orgasms can also help to increase your pain tolerance. When we orgasm, the body releases oxytocin and other mood-boosting endorphins, which help to increase tolerance of pain.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 31, 2026. The moon was full (Buck) last Wednesday (7/29) and is in Aquarius. Today is National Avocado Day, National Mutt Day, National Orgasm Day, Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day, and World Ranger Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also National Get Gnarly Day, National Talk in* An Elevator Day, and System Administrator Appreciation Day.

*My various grammar checks could not decide whether it should be on the elevator or in the elevator. I cannot think of a more boring activity than an AI grammar war. Perhaps such a war would destroy both spelling and grammar and free us from the chains being imposed upon us by Gutenberg's press since 1440.

Among those born on this day were Philip the Good (1396), Elmo Roper (1900). Milton Friedman (1912), Bill Todman (1916), Don Murray (1929), Barbara Gittings (1932), Stanley Jaffe (1940), Gary Lewis (1946). Evonne Goolagong Cawley (1951), Bill Berry (1958), Wesley Snipes (1962), J K Rowling (1965), and Harry Potter (1980).

On July thirty-first: Columbus landed on Trinidad (1498). The US prohibited movies & photos of boxing (1912). Idlewild Field was dedicated (1948). The Department of Health, Education & Welfare was created (1953). Chet Huntley retired (1970).

Night Sky, 7/31 : Southern Delta Aquariids & Alpha Capricornids meteor showers will be spitting out 25-30 meteors per hour.

Fraternal Flashback Picture of the Week: Max giving Ollie a bottle – 2020 ~~Too Cute!

This Week: Saturday, August 1 – National Sunflower Day & Lammas Day & Rounds Resounding Day

Sunday, August 2 – Friendship Day & National Coloring Book Day & National Doll Day

Night Sky, 8/2: Pluto is positioned for observation with a good telescope.

Monday, August 3 – National Picnic Day & National Hair Glass Day & Watermelon Day

Tuesday, August 4 – International Clouded Leopard Day & Single Working Women's Day & National Night Out

Night Sky, 8/4: Sunrise: 6:24 am Sunset: 8:20 pm 13 hours and 56 minutes of daylight Moonset: 12:30 pm Moonrise: 11:21 pm

Wednesday, June 5 – Dolly Parton Day & National Oyster Day & National Underwear Day

Thursday, August 6 – Hiroshima Day

Night Sky, 8/6: The moon enters its last quarter and is in Taurus.

The Hogwarts nurse uses Quit-Itch for rashes. ĩ Witches don't get mugged; they get muggled.

..........So take my hand and let's go roamin'..........Tommy …..The Heather On The Hill

2) The average woman needs 20 minutes of stimulation to reach climax, whereas men typically require between 2-10 minutes. It's worth noting, however, that the time it takes to reach orgasm can vary significantly from person to person.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If people can go to prison for lying to Congress, then shouldn't members of Congress go to prison for lying to the people? --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Moonbeam: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign. --J K Rowling via Hermione Granger

Fun Fact of the Week: Swiss scientist Fritz Zwicky coined the term “dark matter”, which is impressive; but he also coined the term “spherical bastard” to describe people who are bastards no matter which way you look at them, and I think that should be celebrated more. --Submitted by @iamdad.bsky.social

Video of the Week: The last 4 minutes of the last Huntley-Brinkley Report 7/31/1970 https://x.com/BeschlossDC/status/1289203268262887431

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation. --Milton Friedman

Hermione has a sampler in her kitchen that says, “I Solemnly Swear That My Cooking Tastes Good. ĩ Why can't Harry tell the difference between his best friend and his potion pot? They're both cauldron.

..........I'm not. In fact, I shouldna be surprised..........Fiona …..From This Day On

3) A lot happens in your body during orgasm, especially in the brain. It has been shown that when you reach climax, the area behind your left eye, known as the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down. This is why it's hard to focus on anything else at that moment.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They moved on from Lindsey Graham's death so quickly you'd think he died in a school shooting. --Submitted by 98%

Weird Word of the Week: Eudaimonia: a state of contentment and happiness that comes from living a meaningful life. https://www.britannica.com/topic/eudaimonia

Dragon of the Week: I have no information about this dragon like where it is or who carved it.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean insects off a car windshield. Pour a can or bottle of carbonated Coca-Cola over the windshield and squeegee clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

Hermoine: If Harry or Ron see me reading Twilight, I'll never live it down. ĩ Hogwarts students and staff use A Dobby Photoshop to edit their pictures.

...........I thought as I thanked all the stars in the sky..........Tommy …..There But For You Go I

4) According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Research, women's ability to orgasm increased by 30% after taking park in mindfulness programs. Meditation also seems to help.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Honk If You Love Peace & Quiet

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Pulpfest 2026 (7/30-8/2, Pittsburgh, PA) Celebrating

Mystery, Adventure, Science Fiction and More... https://pulpfest.com/

First Strange Request of the Last 19 Years: I only have saved electronic ePistles since 2016. I found a cd labelled ePistles '07. Technology has moved on and I no longer have a cd player on my computer. If someone still has one, could you download (upload, transfer, copy) it to a flash disc which I will supply? This was before Bruce's transplant when he was so sick. My memories from that are crowding out things like the ePistle...jokes, sections, pictures...what software I wrote it in. Thank you!

Spark of Joy of the Week: A reminder: Persephone is the goddess of Flowers and is also the Queen of Hell, so don't ever think you have to fit into just one mold. --Submitted by WWRWM

Everyone knew when Voldemort arrived. He wore way too much cologne. And he still couldn't smell it. ĩ Little Known Backstory: Voldemort once consulted with Pinocchio about how to grow a nose.

..........I gave him my heart, an' a few other things.........Meg …..The Love of My Life

5) During female orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released. This stimulates the brain to produce more neurons in the olfactory bulb, where our sense of smell is controlled.

Protest Sign of the Week: Trump is a KRUEL Korrupt KILLER & Racist Rat! --Lawrence, KS 7/26/26

Quote of the Week: In the US, you have to be a deviant or die of boredom. --William S Burroughs

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do cats understand what static shock is, or does my cat think I have a mildly painful defensive ability that I sometimes use on him for no reason. --drizzylitfw --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Today's Peace of History: July 31, 1896: The National Association of Colored Women (NACW) was established in Washington, D.C. Its two leading members were Josephine Ruffin and Mary Church Terrell. Founders also included some of the most renowned African-American women educators, community leaders, and civil-rights activists in America, including Harriet Tubman, Frances E W Harper, Margaret Murray Washington, and Ida B. Wells-Barnett.

The price for the Wizard's World Cup game was a quid each. ĩ Every single Slytherin has an account on Snapechat.

..........What a rare mood I'm in.........Tommy …..Almost Like Being In Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 31, 2026: ePistle sPelled. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Tidbit of the Week: Accio is a summoning spell from the Harry Potter books. It is the only spell I thought I might actually use. “Accio keys.” “Accio breakfast.”

Moonbeam: Are you mental? --J K Rowling via Ron Weasley

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending in July 2026: 85,053,017,282 That's eighty-five billion, fifty-three million, seventeen thousand, two hundred and eighty-two dollar this month.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love. --St Francis of Assisi

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is comparison of prediction with experience. --Milton friedman

Famous Last Words: There. That's better. --M'lynn Last line of Steel Magnolias which closed at the Lyceum Theatre 7/31/05

..........This must not end tonight..........Tommy …..The Chase

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. ĩ I heard Hermoine has her own reality show called Granger Things.

May Peace be your magic

And Joy be your spell

prairie mama

christine

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