eNriched ePistle

Famous First Words: Strike three, ball four --Damn Yankees Act1 : Scene 1

April was a hard month for us... We were so poor we thought teachers were rich. / ...we couldn't afford Special K so we had to eat ordinary K. / When I was a kid we were very rich because my dad invested in Lifesavers. He made a mint. / I had a cousin who was a marine biologist. He was very whale-thy.

..........I'm bound to learn to fly..........Tammy Wynette …..'Til I Get It Right

The bourgeoisie has torn away from the family its sentimental veil and has reduced the family relation into a mere money relation. --Karl Marx

It is a gray Friday morning. The sky is blotched with light slate and almost white splotches. Here and there I can see or, perhaps, imagine the sun trying to shine through and failing. 59°F is a lovely spring temperature but the breeze and the damp suggest jackets and even hats. The dangling branches of the willow are waving lazily as are the shorter, newer trees. A single dog barks from behind one of the fences meant to keep us all privately in our own places. Now and again a bird flies by looking like it has purpose and plans. The dog has stopped his conversation and the wind has also stopped momentarily. It is so quiet with only the hum of the computer in my ear. Ah, I pick up my cup and inhale the rich creamy chocolaty steam. Puck snores. And I raise my cup to you, dear reader, have a great day!

May your weekend be Cinco veces Glorious, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. (not even remotely.) --Neil deGrasse Tyson --Submitted by ff of ks

Florida: Trashy if you're poor, classy if you're rich. / We were so rich we owned Bose music systems and assumed the poor had Sony. Turns out those were just stereotypes. / We were so poor we used to leave the front door open hoping a thief would come in and drop something. /...we couldn't afford punchlines for our jokes.

..........And then I know just when to dream.........Rex Goh and Air Supply …..Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

Trivia Questions: Happy International Roller Derby Day!

• ^ What are the positions on a roller derby team?
• ^^ How is roller derby scored?
• ^^^ Why do the helmet covers indicate?
• ^^^^ What is “Rink Rash”?
• ^^^^^ How popular is roller derby?

Big Hello: Witéj – Kashubian (Poland) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest I Read of the Week: There is no pleasure in having nothing to do. The fun is from having lots to do and not doing it. --Submitted by PsyDe

Image of the Week: The NFL draft in KC --a preliminary rendering

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 75% of librarians might say “Good Morning” but only 15% mean it. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats

We were so poor, one night burglars broke in and couldn't find anything to steal; so they woke us up to make fun of us. / ...the tooth fairy left us food stamps. / We were so rich that when my parents tickled my baby brother they said, “Gucci, Gucci, Gucci ”. / … we brushed our teeth with Decadent.

..........Freedom fighters sent out to the sun.........Bill Ward with Black Sabbath …..Into The Void

Moonbeam: People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --Soren Kierkegaard

Question of the Week: Whose turn is it?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Bob Bickel, of Severna Park, Md. Think of a five-letter word for things a

lot of people complain about. Add a letter and rearrange the result to get an example of these things. Then add one more letter and rearrange to get a remedy for these things. Five, six, and seven letters, respectively. What words are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It is easier for a removable bra cup to be inserted through the tiny hole and placed in the correct shape than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. --Submitted by MMS

My dad ran the garbage collection for the mob so we were filthy rich. / We were so rich that after his heart attack, my dad rode to the hospital in an ambulenciaga. We were so poor I had to bathe in the spring. When the money got better, I bathed in the fall too. / ...a burglar broke into our house and all he got was practice.

..........Oh, thunder only happens when it's raining.........Billy Burnette and Fleetwood Mac …..Dreams

^ The positions are 1) Jammer – laps the opposing team members 2) Blockers 1) Pivot – captain who can act as a Jammer in a jam.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 5, 2023. The moon becomes full (Flower) today and is in Scorpio. It is National Cartoonists Day, Childhood Stroke Awareness Day, Cinco de Mayo, International Day of The Midwife, International Roller Derby Day, National Astronaut Day, National Hoagie Day, National Military Spouse Appreciation Day, National Totally Chipotle Day, Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith), Tuba Day, and World Password Day. Because it is the first Friday in May it is also International Space Day.

Among those born on this day were Philippe Quinault (1635), Soren Kierkegaard (1813), Karl Marx (1818), Guggenheim de Montijo y de Guzman (1826), Henryk Sienkiewicz (1846), Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochran Seaman, 1867), Charles Bender (1883), Christopher Morley (1890), Spencer Tracy (1900), James Beard (1903), Rex Harrison (Reginald Carey, 1908), Tyrone Power (1913), Ann B David (1926), Pat Carroll (1927), Tammy Wynette (1942), John Rhys-Davies (1944), Bill Ward (Black Sabbath, 1948), Rex Goh (Air Supply, 1951), Billy Burnette (Fleetwood Mac, 1953), and Peter Erskine (Weather Report, 1954).

On May fifth the second Council of Constantinople opened (553), a peace treaty between Russia and Prussia was signed (1762), the American Medical Association was organized (1847), Carnegie Hall opened (Tchaikovsky conducting, 1891), Billboard began publishing (1900), the US invaded the Dominican Republic (1916), Sinclair Lewis refused the Pulitzer Prize (Arrowsmith, 1926), Gandhi was freed from prison (1944), Damn Yankees opened (1955), US tested a nuclear bomb at Enwetak (1958), the Iran-Contra hearings began (1987), and there was a conjunction of the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and the Moon (2000).

Night Sky, 5/5: Eta Aquariid Meteor Shower. This shower favors the southern hemisphere so it appears low in the sky for northerly latitudes. Predawn is best. Has thrown as many as 50 falling stars per hour. Information AND Penumbral Lunar Eclipse: Visible in almost the entire world except here. They'll see it in Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, Pacific, Atlantic, Indian Ocean, and Antarctica. (There will be another one in October that we can see) https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/2023

Fraternal Picture of the Week: “Walt Whitman once said, ‘I see great things in baseball. It’s our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.’ You could look it up. --Annie Savoy Bull Durham (not Whitman)

This Week: Saturday, May 6 – Coronation Day & Kentucky Derby Day & Mariachi Day

Sunday, May 7 – Beaufort Scale Day & Lemonade Day & World Laughter Day

Night Sky, 5/7: Venus (mag -4.3) is visible above the western horizon in Taurus. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Monday, May 8 – No Socks Day & Student Nurse Day & World Red Cross/Crescent Day

Tuesday, May 9 – Alphabet Magnet Day & National Sleepover Day

Wednesday, May 10 – Clean Your Room Day & School Nurse Day

Night Sky, 5/10: Mars (mag 1.5) is high in the western sky in Gemini

Thursday, May 11 – Eat What You Want Day & Root Canal Appreciation Day

We were so poor we couldn't afford electricity; we had to watch tv by candle light. / ...ducks used to throw bread at us. / My mother got rich playing pool. She's a billiardnaire. / My brother made his money with a dating app for old rich white guys. It's call “22 and Me”.

..........Things ain't cooking in my kitchen.........Peter Erskine with Weather Report …..Birdland

^^ Points are awarded by the jammer passing opposing team members.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Exhaustipated: (adj) Too tired to give a shit. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Moonbeam: It is not wise to be wiser than is necessary. --Philippe Quinault

Video of the Week: Roy Zimmerman and friends in (Tragedy tomorrow) Hannity Tonight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJIV2rOlUdo Roy is wearing a t-shirt that says Fox News is elder abuse.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Biden will be 86 at the end of his second term. But when you average that with his approval rating, it's like 50. And it's true that this video features Kamala Harris a lot. The Biden administration is doing its best to promote her, which is a lot like selling an airplane by talking about the parachutes. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/29/23

The hand-mill gives you society with the feudal lord; the steam-mill society with the industrial capitalist. --Karl Marx

My aunt was so rich she bought a kid to play with her dog. / We were so rich our Lemonade stand sold Chateau Lafite Rothschild (1988). / We were so poor when I was in high school my dad gave me an air guitar for Christmas. / ...we had to play Dungeons OR Dragons.

..........Cause after all he's just a man..........Tammy Wynette …..Stand By Your Man

^^^ There are 2 different helmet covers: stars for the jammer and stripes for the pivot.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kansans always breathe a sigh of relief when the legislature adjourns... --Submitted by cc of ks https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Weird Word of the Week: Rawky (pronounced rocky) – cold, foggy, damp https://wordsmith.org/words/rawky.html

Dragon of the Week: Longshan aka Lungshan Temple in Taiwan

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Pick up small pieces of broken glass from the floor. Carefully use a sheet of Bounty Paper Towels dampened with water. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

In college my roommates and I were so poor we couldn't pay the electric bill. Those were my darkest days. / ...we couldn't pay the church for Grace's exorcism and they repossessed her. / My mom was rich, She was a juggler and knew how to balance a checkbook. / We were so rich, mom used to bury money in the garden to make the soil rich.

...........Generals gathered in their masses........Bill Ward with Black Sabbath …..War Pigs

^^^^ Rink Rash is when a skater falls and skins her knee.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I may be mentally unstable but at least I don't own a
pair of crocs. --Submitted by RHOZ

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: 34^th Annual DemiCon (5-7, Des Moines) --an interactive adventure with all sorts of amazing ways to be involved. https://demicon.org/34/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Star East 2023 – IT & Technology (4/10-5/5, Orlando, FL) Software Testing Tools and Services https://www.cantonfair.net/event/22881-star-east

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Pains → Sprain → Aspirin

We were so rich I had an MP4. / I'm a data manager for a large firm. I'm not really rich but I have a lot to cache. / We were so poor that all we had for toilet paper was a calendar. Now those days are behind me. / ..we turn our jeans inside out just to get another month's wear out of 'em.

..........Can you hear me calling out your name.........Billy Burnette and Fleetwood Mac …..Everywhere

^^^^^ There are over 1,200 amateur roller derby leagues worldwide.

My Own Writing of the Week: I never cared for sex on LSD. There was too much going on. When I'm making love I want all my attention right there in my cunt and in my mouth. I don't want to space out watching the flowers on the comforter move. But, late in the evening when you're gliding down and you smoke a little weed to slow yourself even more so you're kind of floating between trippy and not, sensation is still intense but the mind is not so, love can be magical.

Drinking has never made me lucky. There was a potential Young Apollo who stopped by my house on St. Patrick's Day with a fifth of good Irish Whiskey that someone had left in his truck. But I'm so little a drinker I wasn't able to keep up at all and kept asking if people diluted this with other stuff like coke or orange juice. Finally, he took the rest of his bottle and went off to find someone who liked the stuff. I hope he ended up lucky and in love.

I'm not opposed to alcohol. There was that young man who wore suits and taught me about shots of cheap Scotch but my second husband, Bruce, taught me to drink good Scotch. Each year on the anniversary of the dispersal of his ashes, people gather and drink good Scotch aged for many years, and we all tell Bruce stories.

I learned to drink Tequila at lesbian parties. Salt, Liquor, Lemon!! Tequila and weed make an excellent combination. They were usually available in the kitchen for a pleasant break. Then we would dance all night. I don't ever remember a hangover.

There was a timid young woman who fascinated me and I tried wine to help her relax but she just got sick and threw up. She was a college student from a farm outside a very small town. Perhaps it was because I was female, perhaps I was inept, but eventually I moved on without ever properly satisfying the lady. She was kind of tall and had wonderful full eyebrows that she used well. But she was so shy. She couldn't relax and I didn't know what to do to help. There have been failures.

Big Mama and I used to drink strawberry daiquiris and play cards on Sunday nights. Sometimes when I was running the Business & Economics Reading Room and it was a new semester and there was lots of work and lots of questions and lots of stress, I would take bloody-marys to work in a thermos. This would go on for a couple of weeks and just about the time I said to myself, "Hey, you're taking liquor to work - every day! Is this a problem?" The semester would settle down and I would stop.

I did belong to a group that called themselves the Women's Thursday Night Drinking Club. It was a Consciousness Raising Group that grew up. That was certainly a pleasant crowd. I'd raise a glass to them this very day!

Techniques from Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: To be wealthy and honored in an unjust society is a disgrace. --Confucius

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Falcons live to be 12-15 years old. So all falcons alive today were born in the 21^st century. They are millennial falcons. --Submitted by bc of ex

Today's Peace of History, May 5, 1983: Over 1,000,000 Sicilians, 1/5 of the island's population, signed a petition against the deployment of more than 100 US cruise missiles at the Comiso Air Base.

We were so poor we unplugged the clocks when we went to bed. / ...we were so poor we often had Hamburger Helper for supper – without the hamburger. / I won a million dollars in the lottery. I decided to give a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $999,999.75. / By the way, rich people do have a sense of humor. But they feel that it, like their money, should not be shared with poor people.

..........Baby, I'd give you my world.........Billy Burnette and Fleetwood Mac …..Go Your Own Way

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 5, 2023, eNriched ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: "There is absolutely no substitute for the best. Good food cannot be made of inferior ingredients masked with high flavor. It is true thrift to use the best ingredients available and to waste nothing." --James Beard

Cost of War:

• As of 05/04/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $206,128,355,218.
• As of 04/27/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $205,560,144,658.
• As of 05/04/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,134,841,355,506.
• As of 04/27/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,133,254,306,406.
• As of 05/04/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,135,604,999,050.
• As of 04/27/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,134,987,817,248.
• As of 05/04/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,027,650,298,461.
• As of 04/27/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,015,620,222,359.
• As of 05/04/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,021,324,140,084.
• As of 04/27/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,020,119,176,909.
• As of 05/04/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,525,550,507,492.
• As of 04/27/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,509,543,226,867.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The pay of the common soldier is also reduced to a minimum — determined purely by the production costs necessary to procure him. But he exchanges the performance of his services not for capital, but for the revenue of the state. --Karl Marx

Famous Last Words: ... and if he is a monk or lay person, let him be anathema. --Second Council of Constantinople

..........There's nothing left to say.........Rex Goh and Air Supply …..Goodbye

We were so rich, we had ice cubes in the shape of dollar signs. / ...we had 14 bathrooms in our house. / We were so poor we couldn't pay attention. / ...that if they were selling steamboats for a dollar, all we could do is run around yelling, “Ain't that cheap?” / At the end of the day it doesn't make any difference if you're rich or poor, it still night.

May Peace ease your mind

And Joy ease your relationships

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy National Cartoonist Day

ePistolary vIsions

 Famous First Words: When do you suppose the big row will come off? --International Congress of Women, 4/28-30, 1915

Because it is the last weekend in April it is National Dream Hotline weekend. What is my dream job: Oh, in my dreams I don't work. / I had a dream last night that I was vacuuming with the grim reaper. I was Dyson with death.

..........Sunbeams will soon smile through..........Donald O'Connor …...Good Morning

The best form of government is that which is most likely to prevent the greatest sum of evil. --James Monroe

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky is almost completely covered with thin white puffs and yet the sun finds cracks and holes to shine on my backyard. I have returned from the doctor (routine, I'm fine) and I'm snarfing down a breakfast biscuit while watching spring roll gently by outside my window. There is just enough breeze to make the willow branches swing but not enough to make the young mulberry tree budge. It is already 59°F - a near perfect morning temperature. The crows have come and gone so only the quarreling of sparrows fills the air. Veronica keeps a close eye on the sparrows at the feeder and also hopping around in the grass. I take a long sip of the coffee that has waited for me to return home. It smells of cream and caffeine and ambition. Alas, it is decaf and the promised ambition is missing.

Hope your weekend is a dream come true, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Favorite Earth Day Sign – Wake Up and Smell the Permafrost

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream. “Why is everything here so bad?” asks Putin, “what can I do to make Russia great again?” “Stalin replies, “Execute half of your population and paint the Kremlin blue.” “Why blue?” asks the inquisitive Putin. “I knew you wouldn't object to the first part,” says Stalin. / Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for Stilton.

..........But Moses supposes erroneously..........Donald O'Connor …...Moses Supposes

Trivia Questions: Happy Arbor Day – Go plant a tree...I'll wait

• ^ When or where was the first Arbor Day in the US celebrated?
• ^^ Would you care to guess how many trees were planted on this very first Arbor Day?
• ^^^ Why was the name Arbor Day selected over Sylvan Day?
• ^^^^ How many countries celebrate Arbor Day?
• ^^^^^ Where or when was the first Arbor Day anywhere?

Big Hello: Ayukii – Karuk (Northern California) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I come in again? --Modern Family

Image of the Week: Lawrence KS Earth Day Farmer's Market

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 35% of library fax machines are programmed to skip every fifth page. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

My partner told me he had dreams of me making love to Brad Pitt. It's sweet of him to think of my happiness. / We finally made Grandma's dream come true. She always wanted to go to medical school and she did – as a cadaver.

..........You were all the sweet things rolled up in one..........Donald O'Connor …...You Were Meant For Me

Moonbeam: The determination of the relationship and mutual dependence of the facts in particular cases must be the first goal of the Physicist; and for this purpose he requires that an exact measurement may be taken in an equally invariable manner anywhere in the world… Also, the history of electricity yields a well-known truth—that the physicist shirking measurement only plays, different from children only in the nature of his game and the construction of his toys. --Franz Karl Achard

Question of the Week: Are we allowed to daydream at night?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Jan Brooksby: Think of a common 8-letter word, in which the first three letters spell a word, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh letters also spell a word. These two little words mean the same thing. The fourth letter, when rotated 180°, becomes the eighth letter. What word was this? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/23/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My emotional support dog ate my comfort food. --speedbump.com

I just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals marching along 1,5,1,5,500. It was VIVID. / We bought our new dream house and I was showing our 4 year old around. She asked excitedly, “What's upstairs?” I just shook my head and replied, “Aw, sweetie, stairs don't talk?”

..........I could jump over the moon up above..........Donald O'Connor …...Fit As A Fiddle

^ The first US Arbor Day was celebrated on April 10, 1872 in Nebraska. It was proposed by the secretary of the Nebraska Territory, J Sterling Morton.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 28, 2023. The moon went into the first quarter yesterday and is in Leo. The United Nations has declared this World Day for Safety and Health at Work. It is also Biological Clock Day, Brave Hearts Day, National Teach Your Children To Save Day, and Workers Memorial Day. In Maryland it is Ratification Day (1788). Because it is the last Friday of April, it is Arbor Day and National Hairball Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Edward IV (1442), Lorenz Ott (1748), Franz Achard (1753), James Monroe (1758), Francis Baily (1774), Tobias Carel Asser (1838), Johann Backlund (1846), Sidney Toler (1874), Lionel Barrymore (Herbert Blythe, 1878), Jan Hendrik Oort (1900), Robert Anderson (1917), Donald O'Connor (1925), Harper Lee (1926), Carolyn Jones (1929), Oliver Jackson (Bops Jr, 1933), Ann Margaret (Olsson, 1941), John Creighton (1943), Jerome Apt (Jay, 1949), Jay Leon (1950), Paul Lockhart (1956), and Leopold Eyharts (1957).

On April twenty-eighth parliament demanded supervision of royal spending (1376), Mutiny broke out on the HMS Bounty (1789), French colonies freed their last slaves (1848), Dvorak's Carneval premiered (1892), the air conditioner was patented (1914), the first commercial flight across the Pacific took off (1937), Thor Heyerdahl in the Kon-Tiki set sail from Peru for Polynesia (1947), Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France (1969), the last Americans were evacuated from Saigon (1975), Billy Martin was named Yankee manager for the fourth time (1985), Chernobyl had a melt down (1986), space shuttle Discovery 12 was launched (STS 30, 1991), and Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (1999).

Night Sky 4/29 : The Moon shines high toward the south-southwest after dark. It's hanging off the crook of the Leo Sickle, which is nearly upright. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week A: Ollie meets Shrek and Pinocchio and Fiona.

Fraternal Picture of the Week B: Max at his first T-ball game – The Little Harbor Company

This Week: Saturday, April 29 – Bob Wills** Day & Independent Bookstore Day & International Sculpture Day ** Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys My Little Home in San Antone

Sunday, April 30 – Beltane & National First Ladies Day & National Honesty Day

Night Sky, 4/30: Face north just after nightfall, look very high, and you'll find the Pointers, the end stars of the Big Dipper's bowl, on the meridian pointing toward Polaris straight down below. From the Pointers to Polaris is about three fists at arm's length.

Monday, May 1 – Beltane & May Day & Global Love Day & Hug Your Cat Day & Mother Goose Day

Tuesday, May 2 – Foster Care Day & International Harry Potter Day & World Tuna Day

Wednesday, May 3 – Public Radio Day & Wild Koala Day & World Press Freedom Day

Night Sky, 5/3: Mars is crossing central Gemini this week. Look for it high in the west in early evening, lower later. It's upper left of Venus by about three fists at arm's length, and it's below Pollux and Castor. Mars shows a slightly deeper orange tint. It is drawing closer to Pollux and Castor and will line up with them, to their left, on the evening of May 16th.

Thursday, May 4 – Intergalactic Star Wars Day – May the Fourth Be With You & International Respect For Chickens Day

Ever have one of those dreams where you're weightless? 0mg. / It's been a long-term dream to convert a lighthouse; but the project has been off and on for years now.

.........Just slip on a banana peel the world's at your feet..........Donald O'Connor …...Make 'Em Laugh

^^ It's estimated that over 1 million trees were planted in Nebraska on the first Arbor Day.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The best time to plant a tree was 100 years ago. The second best time? Today! --Mike H Odetalia --Submitted by bd of ny

Moonbeam: Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. --Thor Heyerdahl

Video of the Week: Donald O'Connor singing Make Em Laugh from Singing In The Rain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUmQoYECogA (3:26)

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The white house is surrounded, of course, by high tech security but a two year old master criminal figured out you could just slip through the bars in the fence. The toddler's parents ... yelling for help while thinking we could just run. He'd be raised by the president and we could go to restaurants again. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/22/23

It was by one Union that we achieved our independence and liberties, and by it alone can they be maintained. --James Monroe

We're the Dream Team – everyone of us has been caught sleeping at work. / Yo papa's so fat even his hopes and dreams are on weight watchers.

..........You're the cat's meow..........Donald O'Connor …...All I Do Is Dream Of You

^^^ Arbor Day was almost called Sylvan Day, coming from the Latin word “Silva,” meaning “of the forest” or “woodland.” J. Sterling Morton decided against this name because he wanted to include all types of trees, not just forest trees.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This is America – where you are free to be shot if you ring the wrong doorbell or pull into the wrong driveway. --Submitted by Thoughts From Aisle 4

Weird Word of the Week: Christofascism – a distortion of Christianity that denotes an intersection between fascism and Christianity. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Christofascist

Dragon of the Week: The Sneinton Dragon of Nottingham --Submitted by vr of TH

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent a cake from sticking to the pan. When you take the pan out of the oven, place it on a damp sheet of Bounty Paper Towel for several minutes. The dampness cools the pan and the cake, averting a sticky mess. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?" He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through." / I didn't snore. I was just dreaming I'm an engine.

...........Let's dance away the blues..........Donald O'Connor …...Something To Dance About

^^^^ Today, at least 44 countries worldwide celebrate Arbor Day.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear Earth, We are sorry for everything and will try to do better. Signed, A lot of people who care.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Oz-Con (28-30, West Plains, MO) ..a gaming, cosplay and anime convention nestled in the Ozarks. https://oz-con.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Power & Electrical Engineering (26-28, St Petersburg, Russia) ...a focus on electrical and electronic devices. https://www.tradefairdates.com/Power+%26+Electrical+Engineering-M11220/Saint+Petersburg.html

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Shepherd

Last night I had a dream that I could see a new color I'd never seen before. It was a pigment of my imagination. / I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil. I guess it wasn't meant 2B.

..........I keep tossing in my sleep at night..........Donald O'Connor …...You're Just In Love

^^^^^ The first documented Arbor Day was celebrated in the Spanish village of Mondoñedo in 1594! They planted lime and horse-chestnut trees.

My Own Writing of the Week: What are you thinking? You know that annoying question that women (usually) ask of men (usually) after sex, "What are you thinking?..Penny for your thoughts". I've asked that question myself. Analysis suggests that I did this when he had gotten off and I had not. If I had climaxed, I would be on the same thoughtless plane. Then I wouldn't give a sh*t. And the thoughtless place is where we all want to be, after all - sacred orgasm! I may have faked it or I may not have bothered, but I didn't make it. And the question was an attempt, I believe, to share that place, that thoughtless place. I apologize to any poor soul of whom I asked this.

I would be hard pressed to describe my mental activity after orgasm: "I'm thinking about red rushes and these filmy, fleeting dream images in black and white and the aftershocks in my groin demand attention now and again and a near blinding white light emits from my eyes when I open them. Oh, yeah, and there is this sensational sensation of floating that goes away if I think. Why? What are you thinking?"

Sex isn't sex until you both cross the finish line. Until then, it's a favor.

Let me introduce you to my Vibrator Team. The captain is a sleek and simple, lavender phallic, Armand. He is smooth and dignified with a European flair and a motor he sacrificed early in his career. There is Inanna, who is round and ribbed and rechargeable but with a sturdy handle. Next is the Fox who is small, concentrated and electric. The fox runs special teams when a small space needs extended care. And finally, sparkle, the tiny toss-away with a shag surface that messages any small area to complete relaxation. I generally refer to them as the fantastic four.

AIDS was a serious blow to the sexual revolution. Suddenly one had to ask embarrassing questions and worry about layers of protection. The life of love 'em and leave 'em began to be rocky and unsustainable. On the Negative Side was a much smaller pool to pick from. Positives included a new and awesome reason to seduce virgins.

I hate condoms and I know they are even worse for men. Most men are clueless enough about what to do with them when they are on the penis; after they are off - they have even less idea of what could be considered appropriate. Someone please publish a piece on condom etiquette. This is one of the lowlights of single life.

AIDS has taken several of my friends, one a prolific and amazing letter writer. Worst of all, AIDS gave the cult of virginity new life. The cult of virginity exists within Christianity as well as other patriarchal religions. The oppressive restriction of a girl's sexuality assumes that women are property and that their bodies are property and that their sexuality is property and their thoughts are property and their feelings are property to be prescribed by someone outside of that body and mind who does or will someday own it. Also it doesn't allow either gender to feel the upholstery before buying the car.

A friend of mine told me that a classmate of hers at medical school was a virgin. I was appalled. I never want to take some complaint or other to a doctor only to find out she doesn't even have the basic human experiences that the rest of us have.

Techniques from Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory. --Louise Glück

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just as talking about sex won't make you pregnant, talking about death won't make you dead. --Jon Underwood --Submitted by msh of bc

Today's Peace of History: April 28, 1978: At the Rocky Flats nuclear weapons facility, near Denver, over 5,000 protested and nearly 300 were arrested over the following eight months for blocking railroad tracks entering the plant where plutonium bombs used as detonators in hydrogen bombs were produced.

According to my dream journal, Scarlett Johansson has made 6 appearances this year. But it might be 7; some pages are stuck together. / A woman interrupted the doctor's examination of a patient. She yelled, “Doctor, help me. I keep dreaming I'm a deck of cards.” The doctor mastered all the patience she could and said, “I'll deal with you later.”

..........Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face..........Donald O'Connor …...Singing In The Rain

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 28, 2023, ePistolary visions. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: There is nothing as dreamy and poetic, nothing as radical, subversive, and psychedelic, as mathematics. --Paul Lockhart

Cost of War:

• As of 04/27/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $205,560,144,658.
• As of 04/20/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $205,015,599,963.
• As of 04/27/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,133,254,306,406.
• As of 04/20/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,131,733,384,498.
• As of 04/27/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,134,987,817,248.
• As of 04/20/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,134,189,197,657.
• As of 04/27/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,015,620,222,359.
• As of 04/20/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,004,091,272,664.
• As of 04/27/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,020,119,176,909.
• As of 04/20/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,018,964,430,400.
• As of 04/27/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,509,543,226,867.
• As of 04/20/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,494,203,489,653.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Preparation for war is a constant stimulus to suspicion and ill will. --James Monroe

Famous Last Words: He would be there until Jem waked up in the morning. --Harper Lee To Kill A Mockingbird

..........There's nothing more to say..........Donald O'Connor …...It's A Lovely Day Today ##Disclaimer: Other people sang some of these songs, but the lyrics were likely written by O'Connor.

I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Alas, it was just a Fanta Sea. / Millennials dream about owning a house, but it's a surreal estate.

May Peace sweeten your life

And Joy perfume your dreams

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Veronica as the Grey Mouser

4/21 ePistle

Famous First Words: There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. --Charlotte Brontë Jane Eyre

As a cruel joke to stoners the day after 4/20 (Weed Day) is National Surprise Drug Test Day! I passed my surprise drug test yesterday at work. I need to have a long talk with my dealer. / A woman gets a call from her boss who tells she tested positive for opiates. She replied that she had just eaten a bagel with poppy seeds before the test. But the boss asked about cannabis, LSD, and cocaine. The woman replied, “It was a bagel with everything”.

..........She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie..........J J Cale …..Cocaine

Establishing enduring peace is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us out of the war. -– Dr. Maria Montessori

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The temperature (47°F) is chilly but the breeze is light and moves only the dangling willow branches – still not fully clothed. For a while a crow sat on the electrical wires crisscrossing the backyard and shouting at the morning. There are neither clouds nor jet trails in the sky; there is only blue on blue on blue. Small tufts of leaves are slowly growing on the mulberry tree just outside my window. It looks so happy. Puck is still asleep on his pillow and hasn't even been out yet to do his business. The aroma of fresh coffee tempts me so as the final gurgling sounds die away, I fetch my second cup of Nuttin' But Kisses and inhale the steamy aura all the way back to my computer before taking a long, delicious sip. Ahh, and here I am ready to write to you. That worked out pretty well.

Hope your weekend takes the cake, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It is the birthday (1828) of Webster's first dictionary: I read the dictionary last night. At first I thought it was the aardvark, but by the end I realized the zebra did it.

I interviewed for a job this week but they forgot to drug test me. I slipped through the crack. / Not to brag, but I recently aced the drag test at work. Nobody got higher than me.

..........He snorted his coke through a century note........Hoyt Axton …..Delia and the Dealer

Trivia Questions: It's Numismatics Week aka Coin Week. (16-22)

• ^ Do you know how to pronounce Numismatists?
• ^^ Who is the first person known to have collected coins?
• ^^^ What makes a coin valuable to a collector anyway?
• ^^^^ What was the first animal to appear on a US coin?
• ^^^^^ How long does a circulated coin last?

Big Hello: Terveh – Karelian (Finland and Karelia, Russia) https://omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't you hate it when you have to act surprised that you failed your surprise drug test. --Submitted by MMS

Image of the Week: Happy Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 40% of library staff have perfected the skill of eating cake without using any utensils. https://www.facebook.com/Fa keLibStats/?fref=ts

The beach failed its drug test because of the sea weed. / They gave me a drug test to see if I was on hallucinogens. I passed with flying colors.

..........Livin' of Reds, Vitamin C and Cocaine.........Grateful Dead …..Truckin'

Moonbeam: Science is all metaphor. --Timothy Leary

Question of the Week: When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise direction or is it counter-clockwise?

Puzzle of the Week: From Joseph Young, of St. Cloud, Minn., who conducts the blog "Puzzleria." Name some things you might grow in a garden. Move the middle letter to the beginning. Phonetically the result sounds like part of the human body and an article of clothing that covers it. What words are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Living at risk is jumping off a cliff and building your wings on the way down. --Ray Bradbury

The first day on my new job the Boss said, “We're going to give a drug test”. And I said “Great, I know all about drugs.” / I took my first drug test today. I only got 5 answers right.

..........When I put a spike into my vein.........Velvet Underground …..Heroin

^ Numismatists: "noo-miz-ma-tists"

Almanac: It is Friday, April 21, 2023. The moon was new yesterday and is in Taurus. It is Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day, Kindergarten Day, LGBT National Day of Silence aka National Day of Silence, National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day, National Surprise Drug Test Day, and the Queen's actual birthday

Among those born on this day were Johann Philipp Kafer (1673), Charlotte Bronte (1816), Max Weber (1864), Pat Brown (1905), Anthony Quinn (1915), Daniel Melnick (1924), Elaine May (1932), John McCabe (1939), Iggy Pop (James Newell Osterberg, 1947), Patti LuPone (1949), Tony Danza (1951), Andie MacDowell (Rosalie Anderson, 1958), Robert Smith (Cure, 1959), and Tia Jackson (1972),

On April twenty-first Rome was founded (753 BCE), the Maryland Toleration Act allowed freedom of all worship (1649), John Adams was sworn in as the first US vice president (1789), Grillparzer's Sappho premiered (1818), Webster published his first dictionary (1828), the first railroad bridge across the Mississippi River was completed (Rock Island to Davenport, 1856), the US Mint in Denver was established (1862), the first buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park (1892), Black longshoremen went on strike for higher wages (St. Louis, 1892), Shaw's Arms & the Man premiered (1894), Ty Cobb played his first pro game (1904), the zipper was patented (1913), Bulgaria outlawed all political parties (1935), the first Polaroid camera was sold in the US (1948), Inherit the Wind premiered (1955), Heartbreak Hotel became number one (1956), Brasilia became the capital of Brazil (1960), the Orbiting Astronomical Observatory 4 was launched (Copernicus, 1972), the one pound coin was introduced in the UK (1983), Beijing's Tiananmen Square demonstration began (1989), Brazil voted out the monarchy (1993), and the ashes of Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry were launched into orbit (1997).

Night Sky, 4/21: The annual Lyrid meteor shower always brings an end to the meteor drought that occurs each year between January and mid-April. Best seen late evening April 21 until dawn April 22 – or late evening April 22 until dawn April 23 – will be best. In a moonless sky, about a quarter of Lyrid meteors leave a persistent train, a trail of ionized gas that glows for a few seconds after the meteor has passed. 10-15 per hour. https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-lyrid-meteor-shower/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: I am as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth. --Jonathan Swift

This Week: Saturday, April 22 – Celebrate Trails Day & National Drug Take Back Day & Earth Day

Night Sky, 4/22: The annual Lyrid meteor shower always brings an end to the meteor drought that occurs each year between January and mid-April. Best seen late evening April 21 until dawn April 22 – or late evening April 22 until dawn April 23 – will be best. In a moonless sky, about a quarter of Lyrid meteors leave a persistent train, a trail of ionized gas that glows for a few seconds after the meteor has passed. 10-15 per hour

Sunday, April 23 – Talk Like Shakespeare Day & English Language Day

Monday, April 24 – World Day for Animals in Laboratories

Tuesday, April 25 – DNA Day & National Library Workers Day & Hug A Plumber Day

Wednesday, April 26 – Alien Day & National Help A Horse Day & Walk At Lunch Day

Night Sky, 4/26 : Saturn is in the east-southeast before sunrise. Nearly 15° above the horizon, the Ringed Wonder is becoming easier to see each morning. It rivals the morning’s brightest stars. Jupiter is slowly emerging from bright sunlight after its solar conjunction over two weeks ago. This morning it rises twenty minutes before the sun. https://whenthecurveslineup.com/2023/04/02/2023-april-26-evening-venus-mars-moon-morning-saturn/

Thursday, April 27 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Take Action For Libraries Day & World Tapir Day

My boss told me we're starting drug testing next week. I said that's not a problem, except I refuse to try meth. / They refuse to hire pessimists at the drug testing lab. Pessimists can never see positives.

..........Gettin' off on sweet cocaine.........Laura Nyro …..Poverty Train

^^ Caesar Augustus, aka Octavian, was the first Roman emperor reigning from 27 BCE until 15 CE, Agustus was said to amass coins and give them as gifts. So he has been named the first numismatist.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call these people cops. High Church Coyote --Submitted by bu of ks

Moonbeam: All knowledge of cultural reality, as may be seen, is always knowledge from particular points of view. --Max Weber

Video of the Week: Elvis singing Heartbreak Hotel live, 1956 (2:05) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4euyTDhFnk

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Again, I'm trying to get into heaven, Peter, there's a lot you gotta do, especially if you're Muslin. It's tougher. --Negin Farsad Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/15/23

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal. — Martin Luther King, Jr.

My employer drug tested me. Turns out, her week is better. / I got a job offer at Pepsi today. I just hope they don't drug test me and find Coke in my system.

..........there's a little yellow pill.........Rolling Stones …..Mother's Little Helper

^^^ Age, Rarity, Condition, and metal are the four basics of assigning value to coins.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of spring. Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions.

Weird Word of the Week: Craic (krak) – Good times involving pleasant company and enjoyable conversation. https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/craic/irish-craic-explained

Dragon of the Week: Dragon of Riga

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make an impromptu coffee filter. Use a sheet of Bounty Paper Towels in the coffee maker. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

Does anyone have a witticism to say after I pee into the cup? / I was kicked out of Pharmacology School because I kept failing drug tests.

...........Chop another line like a coda with a curse.........Third Eye Blind …..Semi-Charmed Life

^^^^ The first animal featured on a US coin was an eagle. It appeared on a circulating coin in 1794. The second animal was a bison (1913-1928)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not a control freak, I just know how to fold a towel the right way. You can't just fold towels willy-nilly, like some kind of linen rebel.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: LexiCon 2023 (21-23, Lexington, KY) Tabletop Game Convention is a fun, friendly gaming convention https://lexicongaming.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 2023 Cannabis Science Conference (20-21, Cranbury, NJ) Deep dive on hemp production. https://www.cannabisscienceconference.com/event/cannabis-science-conference-spring/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eggplants (garden vegetable) --> leg, pants (body part)

My drug test at work came back negative and my boss said, “So, you're just weird?” / But the only reason I take drugs in the first place is to tolerate the other people at work.

..........Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.........The Beatles …..A Day In the Life

^^^^^ Coins can last around 30 years in circulation before they're too worn to use. When coins reach the end of their life, the Federal Reserve removes them from circulation. Old coins are melted down and used for other things.

My Own Writing of the Week: I have always been into seduction and if I had been a soulless zombie, I would have gone into merchandising, trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need.; or into advertising, trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need; or into copywriting trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need.

I began writing poems of seduction before I began having sex. (Thank god, I didn't keep any of them.) Every week I write an e-letter that begins with a paragraph whose sole purpose is to seduce the reader into reading the rest of the paragraphs. My seduction letters are still cherished by men and women across the country.

Hidden in Spirit

Come laugh with me

A merry song and I will play for you

the harp that dwells within your soul.

Come sing with me

A happy song and I will stir for you

the pipes that lay silent in your mind.

Come play with me

A joyful song and I will set to music

the melodies that arise in your spirit.

First Dates:

On our first date Bruce took me to see Bob Dylan in concert. It was at the Sandstone Amphitheater. I don't remember who opened for Dylan, but I remember him playing and singing and not talking. And I remember Bruce being a lot of fun. Good weed, great seats, excellent music. How could I not fall in love with him?

However, my most romantic first date was with the fisherman. He was beautiful; I met him playing Dungeons and Dragons. He was part of the team that entered a creation of mine called Penthesilea's Cave which was housed inside the mountain into which the pied piper led the children of Hamelin. Then, alas, he moved away; hurrah, he moved away and we wrote for several months. When he returned to town he took me to a small, upscale bistro for raw oysters on the half-shell. It was delicious on many levels. They worked; it was a great first date. Thank you, darlin'

He was the fisherman because he cut holes in the ice up north somewhere and caught salmon and smoked it and brought some to me. It was incredible.

Techniques from Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: Civilizations in decline are consistently characterized by a tendency towards standardization and uniformity. --Arnold Toynbee

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I ask you what you're thinking about and you say “nothing”, is that “nothing” as in the Infinite Void, the emptiness of Zen, the nothingness of Sartre and Lacan, ex nihilo nihil fit, or what?

Today's Peace of History, April 21, 1856: Stonemasons and other construction workers on building sites around Melbourne, Australia, stopped work and marched to Parliament House. advocating eight hours for work, eight hours for recreation, and eight hours for rest. They became the first organized workers in the world to achieve an eight-hour workday, inspiring the celebration of Labor Day and May Day.

I don't always drink the recommended amount of water, but when I do it's because I have a drug test coming up. / Hey, when I was in college my CPA was so high it failed a drug test.

..........they knew all the right people, they took all the right pills.........the Eagles …..Life In the Fast Lane

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 21, 2023, 4/21 ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I would always rather be happy than dignified. --Charlotte Brontë

Cost of War:

• As of 04/20/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $205,015,599,963.
• As of 04/13/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $204,446,361,537.
• As of 04/20/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,131,733,384,498.
• As of 04/13/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,130,143,410,813.
• As of 04/20/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,134,189,197,657.
• As of 04/13/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,133,777,011,305.
• As of 04/20/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,004,091,272,664.
• As of 04/13/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,992,038,437,277.
• As of 04/20/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,018,964,430,400.
• As of 04/13/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,017,757,168,420.
• As of 04/20/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,494,203,489,653.
• As of 04/13/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,178,165,414,157.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

True peace, on the contrary, suggests the triumph of justice and love among all people. --Maria Montessori

Famous Last Words: Here will I lay my head to rest. --Grillparzer Sappho

..........And you've just had some kind of mushroom..........Jefferson Airplane …..White Rabbit

Code for drug test: Urine Trouble / Worst joke of all: Tomorrow (4/23) is National Unemployment Day.

May Peace set the tempo

And Joy carry the melody

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: