4/21 ePistle

Famous First Words: There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. --Charlotte Brontë Jane Eyre

As a cruel joke to stoners the day after 4/20 (Weed Day) is National Surprise Drug Test Day! I passed my surprise drug test yesterday at work. I need to have a long talk with my dealer. / A woman gets a call from her boss who tells she tested positive for opiates. She replied that she had just eaten a bagel with poppy seeds before the test. But the boss asked about cannabis, LSD, and cocaine. The woman replied, “It was a bagel with everything”.

..........She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie..........J J Cale …..Cocaine

Establishing enduring peace is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us out of the war. -– Dr. Maria Montessori

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The temperature (47°F) is chilly but the breeze is light and moves only the dangling willow branches – still not fully clothed. For a while a crow sat on the electrical wires crisscrossing the backyard and shouting at the morning. There are neither clouds nor jet trails in the sky; there is only blue on blue on blue. Small tufts of leaves are slowly growing on the mulberry tree just outside my window. It looks so happy. Puck is still asleep on his pillow and hasn't even been out yet to do his business. The aroma of fresh coffee tempts me so as the final gurgling sounds die away, I fetch my second cup of Nuttin' But Kisses and inhale the steamy aura all the way back to my computer before taking a long, delicious sip. Ahh, and here I am ready to write to you. That worked out pretty well.

Hope your weekend takes the cake, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It is the birthday (1828) of Webster's first dictionary: I read the dictionary last night. At first I thought it was the aardvark, but by the end I realized the zebra did it.

I interviewed for a job this week but they forgot to drug test me. I slipped through the crack. / Not to brag, but I recently aced the drag test at work. Nobody got higher than me.

..........He snorted his coke through a century note........Hoyt Axton …..Delia and the Dealer

Trivia Questions: It's Numismatics Week aka Coin Week. (16-22)

• ^ Do you know how to pronounce Numismatists?
• ^^ Who is the first person known to have collected coins?
• ^^^ What makes a coin valuable to a collector anyway?
• ^^^^ What was the first animal to appear on a US coin?
• ^^^^^ How long does a circulated coin last?

Big Hello: Terveh – Karelian (Finland and Karelia, Russia) https://omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't you hate it when you have to act surprised that you failed your surprise drug test. --Submitted by MMS

Image of the Week: Happy Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 40% of library staff have perfected the skill of eating cake without using any utensils. https://www.facebook.com/Fa keLibStats/?fref=ts

The beach failed its drug test because of the sea weed. / They gave me a drug test to see if I was on hallucinogens. I passed with flying colors.

..........Livin' of Reds, Vitamin C and Cocaine.........Grateful Dead …..Truckin'

Moonbeam: Science is all metaphor. --Timothy Leary

Question of the Week: When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise direction or is it counter-clockwise?

Puzzle of the Week: From Joseph Young, of St. Cloud, Minn., who conducts the blog "Puzzleria." Name some things you might grow in a garden. Move the middle letter to the beginning. Phonetically the result sounds like part of the human body and an article of clothing that covers it. What words are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Living at risk is jumping off a cliff and building your wings on the way down. --Ray Bradbury

The first day on my new job the Boss said, “We're going to give a drug test”. And I said “Great, I know all about drugs.” / I took my first drug test today. I only got 5 answers right.

..........When I put a spike into my vein.........Velvet Underground …..Heroin

^ Numismatists: "noo-miz-ma-tists"

Almanac: It is Friday, April 21, 2023. The moon was new yesterday and is in Taurus. It is Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day, Kindergarten Day, LGBT National Day of Silence aka National Day of Silence, National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day, National Surprise Drug Test Day, and the Queen's actual birthday

Among those born on this day were Johann Philipp Kafer (1673), Charlotte Bronte (1816), Max Weber (1864), Pat Brown (1905), Anthony Quinn (1915), Daniel Melnick (1924), Elaine May (1932), John McCabe (1939), Iggy Pop (James Newell Osterberg, 1947), Patti LuPone (1949), Tony Danza (1951), Andie MacDowell (Rosalie Anderson, 1958), Robert Smith (Cure, 1959), and Tia Jackson (1972),

On April twenty-first Rome was founded (753 BCE), the Maryland Toleration Act allowed freedom of all worship (1649), John Adams was sworn in as the first US vice president (1789), Grillparzer's Sappho premiered (1818), Webster published his first dictionary (1828), the first railroad bridge across the Mississippi River was completed (Rock Island to Davenport, 1856), the US Mint in Denver was established (1862), the first buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park (1892), Black longshoremen went on strike for higher wages (St. Louis, 1892), Shaw's Arms & the Man premiered (1894), Ty Cobb played his first pro game (1904), the zipper was patented (1913), Bulgaria outlawed all political parties (1935), the first Polaroid camera was sold in the US (1948), Inherit the Wind premiered (1955), Heartbreak Hotel became number one (1956), Brasilia became the capital of Brazil (1960), the Orbiting Astronomical Observatory 4 was launched (Copernicus, 1972), the one pound coin was introduced in the UK (1983), Beijing's Tiananmen Square demonstration began (1989), Brazil voted out the monarchy (1993), and the ashes of Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry were launched into orbit (1997).

Night Sky, 4/21: The annual Lyrid meteor shower always brings an end to the meteor drought that occurs each year between January and mid-April. Best seen late evening April 21 until dawn April 22 – or late evening April 22 until dawn April 23 – will be best. In a moonless sky, about a quarter of Lyrid meteors leave a persistent train, a trail of ionized gas that glows for a few seconds after the meteor has passed. 10-15 per hour. https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-lyrid-meteor-shower/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: I am as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth. --Jonathan Swift

This Week: Saturday, April 22 – Celebrate Trails Day & National Drug Take Back Day & Earth Day

Night Sky, 4/22: The annual Lyrid meteor shower always brings an end to the meteor drought that occurs each year between January and mid-April. Best seen late evening April 21 until dawn April 22 – or late evening April 22 until dawn April 23 – will be best. In a moonless sky, about a quarter of Lyrid meteors leave a persistent train, a trail of ionized gas that glows for a few seconds after the meteor has passed. 10-15 per hour

Sunday, April 23 – Talk Like Shakespeare Day & English Language Day

Monday, April 24 – World Day for Animals in Laboratories

Tuesday, April 25 – DNA Day & National Library Workers Day & Hug A Plumber Day

Wednesday, April 26 – Alien Day & National Help A Horse Day & Walk At Lunch Day

Night Sky, 4/26 : Saturn is in the east-southeast before sunrise. Nearly 15° above the horizon, the Ringed Wonder is becoming easier to see each morning. It rivals the morning’s brightest stars. Jupiter is slowly emerging from bright sunlight after its solar conjunction over two weeks ago. This morning it rises twenty minutes before the sun. https://whenthecurveslineup.com/2023/04/02/2023-april-26-evening-venus-mars-moon-morning-saturn/

Thursday, April 27 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Take Action For Libraries Day & World Tapir Day

My boss told me we're starting drug testing next week. I said that's not a problem, except I refuse to try meth. / They refuse to hire pessimists at the drug testing lab. Pessimists can never see positives.

..........Gettin' off on sweet cocaine.........Laura Nyro …..Poverty Train

^^ Caesar Augustus, aka Octavian, was the first Roman emperor reigning from 27 BCE until 15 CE, Agustus was said to amass coins and give them as gifts. So he has been named the first numismatist.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call these people cops. High Church Coyote --Submitted by bu of ks

Moonbeam: All knowledge of cultural reality, as may be seen, is always knowledge from particular points of view. --Max Weber

Video of the Week: Elvis singing Heartbreak Hotel live, 1956 (2:05) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4euyTDhFnk

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Again, I'm trying to get into heaven, Peter, there's a lot you gotta do, especially if you're Muslin. It's tougher. --Negin Farsad Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/15/23

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal. — Martin Luther King, Jr.

My employer drug tested me. Turns out, her week is better. / I got a job offer at Pepsi today. I just hope they don't drug test me and find Coke in my system.

..........there's a little yellow pill.........Rolling Stones …..Mother's Little Helper

^^^ Age, Rarity, Condition, and metal are the four basics of assigning value to coins.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of spring. Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions.

Weird Word of the Week: Craic (krak) – Good times involving pleasant company and enjoyable conversation. https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/craic/irish-craic-explained

Dragon of the Week: Dragon of Riga

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make an impromptu coffee filter. Use a sheet of Bounty Paper Towels in the coffee maker. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

Does anyone have a witticism to say after I pee into the cup? / I was kicked out of Pharmacology School because I kept failing drug tests.

...........Chop another line like a coda with a curse.........Third Eye Blind …..Semi-Charmed Life

^^^^ The first animal featured on a US coin was an eagle. It appeared on a circulating coin in 1794. The second animal was a bison (1913-1928)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not a control freak, I just know how to fold a towel the right way. You can't just fold towels willy-nilly, like some kind of linen rebel.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: LexiCon 2023 (21-23, Lexington, KY) Tabletop Game Convention is a fun, friendly gaming convention https://lexicongaming.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 2023 Cannabis Science Conference (20-21, Cranbury, NJ) Deep dive on hemp production. https://www.cannabisscienceconference.com/event/cannabis-science-conference-spring/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eggplants (garden vegetable) --> leg, pants (body part)

My drug test at work came back negative and my boss said, “So, you're just weird?” / But the only reason I take drugs in the first place is to tolerate the other people at work.

..........Found my way upstairs and had a smoke.........The Beatles …..A Day In the Life

^^^^^ Coins can last around 30 years in circulation before they're too worn to use. When coins reach the end of their life, the Federal Reserve removes them from circulation. Old coins are melted down and used for other things.

My Own Writing of the Week: I have always been into seduction and if I had been a soulless zombie, I would have gone into merchandising, trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need.; or into advertising, trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need; or into copywriting trying to seduce you into buying crap you don't want or need.

I began writing poems of seduction before I began having sex. (Thank god, I didn't keep any of them.) Every week I write an e-letter that begins with a paragraph whose sole purpose is to seduce the reader into reading the rest of the paragraphs. My seduction letters are still cherished by men and women across the country.

Hidden in Spirit

Come laugh with me

A merry song and I will play for you

the harp that dwells within your soul.

Come sing with me

A happy song and I will stir for you

the pipes that lay silent in your mind.

Come play with me

A joyful song and I will set to music

the melodies that arise in your spirit.

First Dates:

On our first date Bruce took me to see Bob Dylan in concert. It was at the Sandstone Amphitheater. I don't remember who opened for Dylan, but I remember him playing and singing and not talking. And I remember Bruce being a lot of fun. Good weed, great seats, excellent music. How could I not fall in love with him?

However, my most romantic first date was with the fisherman. He was beautiful; I met him playing Dungeons and Dragons. He was part of the team that entered a creation of mine called Penthesilea's Cave which was housed inside the mountain into which the pied piper led the children of Hamelin. Then, alas, he moved away; hurrah, he moved away and we wrote for several months. When he returned to town he took me to a small, upscale bistro for raw oysters on the half-shell. It was delicious on many levels. They worked; it was a great first date. Thank you, darlin'

He was the fisherman because he cut holes in the ice up north somewhere and caught salmon and smoked it and brought some to me. It was incredible.

Techniques from Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: Civilizations in decline are consistently characterized by a tendency towards standardization and uniformity. --Arnold Toynbee

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I ask you what you're thinking about and you say “nothing”, is that “nothing” as in the Infinite Void, the emptiness of Zen, the nothingness of Sartre and Lacan, ex nihilo nihil fit, or what?

Today's Peace of History, April 21, 1856: Stonemasons and other construction workers on building sites around Melbourne, Australia, stopped work and marched to Parliament House. advocating eight hours for work, eight hours for recreation, and eight hours for rest. They became the first organized workers in the world to achieve an eight-hour workday, inspiring the celebration of Labor Day and May Day.

I don't always drink the recommended amount of water, but when I do it's because I have a drug test coming up. / Hey, when I was in college my CPA was so high it failed a drug test.

..........they knew all the right people, they took all the right pills.........the Eagles …..Life In the Fast Lane

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 21, 2023, 4/21 ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I would always rather be happy than dignified. --Charlotte Brontë

Cost of War:

• As of 04/20/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $205,015,599,963.
• As of 04/13/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $204,446,361,537.
• As of 04/20/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,131,733,384,498.
• As of 04/13/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,130,143,410,813.
• As of 04/20/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,134,189,197,657.
• As of 04/13/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,133,777,011,305.
• As of 04/20/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,004,091,272,664.
• As of 04/13/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,992,038,437,277.
• As of 04/20/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,018,964,430,400.
• As of 04/13/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,017,757,168,420.
• As of 04/20/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,494,203,489,653.
• As of 04/13/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,178,165,414,157.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

True peace, on the contrary, suggests the triumph of justice and love among all people. --Maria Montessori

Famous Last Words: Here will I lay my head to rest. --Grillparzer Sappho

..........And you've just had some kind of mushroom..........Jefferson Airplane …..White Rabbit

Code for drug test: Urine Trouble / Worst joke of all: Tomorrow (4/23) is National Unemployment Day.

May Peace set the tempo

And Joy carry the melody

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: