cYclical ePistle

 Famous First Words: The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day... Ernest L Thayer Casey at the Bat

It's World Bicycle Day! Two nerds are riding along on a tandem bicycle when, suddenly, the one on the front slams on the brakes, gets off, and starts letting air out of the tires. The one on the back says: "HEY! What are you doing that for?!" The first nerd says, "My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit." So the one in the back has had enough. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction. Now it's the first guy's turn to wonder what's going on. "What are you doing?" he asks his friend. "Look, mate," says the rider in the back, "if you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!"

..........Darkest of night with the moon shining bright.........Curtis Mayfield …..Superfly

So with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings. --Allen Ginsberg The Path of Peace

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. 62°F is nearly perfect and there is no breeze to make it feel cooler or to make the tree branches dance. Even the willows are staid and calm as the rising sunlight slowly reveals their beauty and majesty. On our walk the crows are discussing something important in the stand of cottonwoods in the park, sparrows are quarreling and frogs are singing from the mosquito farm at the end of the cul-du-sac; but the throbbing rhythm section is the hum of traffic unseen but definitely heard. The sky is nearly devoid of clouds. A few pretty, puffy mounds of white can be seen in the west but even the jet trails disappear almost as soon as they are released. Puck barks at squirrels he knows are in the tree but I cannot see them. As we come back to our house. It smells of fresh coffee and stale incense. I pair the coffee (creamed and sweetened) with a blueberry muffin – uuummm, ummm. And now I get to write to you. What a day!!

Have a wheelie good weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Little Known Fact: Before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home. --Submitted by jm of ks

The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. Along comes a man who was driving very slowly uphill toward me, honking his horn and shouting at me. "PIG! PIG!!" he yelled. "PIG! PIG!!" So I flipped him the finger and, as I buzzed by him, shouted back some things I dare not repeat. Still fuming about this awful man and his shouting, I turned the corner and promptly collided with a pig.

..........Now it's a mighty long way down the dusty trail.........Ian Hunter with Mott the Hoople …..All The Way From Memphis

Trivia Questions: Happy Doughnut Day

• ^ About how many doughnuts are made in the US each year?
• ^^ Which American writer was the first to describe doughnuts in print?
• ^^^ What are spudnuts?
• ^^^^ How many doughnuts per day did Renee Zellweger eat to gain weight for the Bridget Jones sequel?
• ^^^^^ How did doughnuts become associated with the Salvation Army?

Big Hello: Mokom – Efik (Nigeria & Cameroon) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more. --Submitted by cf of ks

Max Picture of the Week: Max enjoying a laugh with a friend

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the start of the Summer Reading Program. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredibly shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?" The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'" The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

..........Vers elle s'en va tout mon espoir.........Josephine Baker …..J'ai Deux Amours

Moonbeam: African slavery, as it exists in the United States, is a moral, a social, and a political blessing. --Jefferson Davis

Meditation of the Week: Why do drive-through ATMs have Braille on the number pads?

Puzzle of the Week: Think of a popular two-word song title in 7 letters. If you have the right one, you can rearrange the letters to name an animal and the sound it makes. What is it? Here's a hint: The title is in Spanish.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Quick Animal Fact: Most fish do not attend church. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Week of the Week: Great American Brass Band Weekend (2-5) What's made out of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones / Some of us lumberjacks are starting an all brass quartet we named it Tuba Four.

Jack and Jill have just climbed L'Alpe d'Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the French Alps, on their tandem. "Phew, that was a tough climb," said Jill, leaning over, breathing hard. "That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it." "Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on," said Jack, "or we'd have slid all the way back down!"

..........But he could play a guitar just like a-ringin' a bell.........Chuck Berry …..Johnny B Goode

^ Over 10 billion doughnuts are made in the US each year. Canada, meanwhile, produces fewer doughnuts (about 1 billion) but with its lower population it has more doughnut shops per capita than any country in the world. (Moms Demand Action KS)

Almanac: It is Friday June 3, 2022. The moon will enter the first quarter on Tuesday (7^th) and is in Gemini. It is Doughnut Day or Donut Day (Salvation Army), Horseradish Days, National Gun Violence Awareness Day, National Stuffed Shrimp Scholars Day, and World Bicycle Day. In the Bahamas it is Labor Day.

Among those born on this day were Richard Cobden (1804), Jefferson Davis (1808), Ransom Olds (1864), George V (1865), Maurice Evans (1901), Charles Drew (1904), Josephine Baker (1906), Paulette Goddard (Marion Levy, 1911), Tony Curtis (1925), Allen Ginsberg (1926), Colleen Dewhurst (1926), Chuck Berry (1929), Curtis Mayfield (1942), and Ian Hunter (1946).

On June third De Soto claimed Florida for Spain (1539), baseball uniforms were introduced (1851), John Lynch became the first black major party national convention chair (Rep, 1884), Casey at the Bat was published (1888), the Supreme Court ruled child labor laws unconstitutional (1918), the Gila Wilderness Area was established by the Forest Service (1924), the first negro was graduated from the US Naval Academy (1949), Dragnet debuted on radio (1949), the Rolling Stones began their first US tour (1964), and Gemini 4 was launched (1966).

Night Sky,6/3: After dark, Vega shines as the brightest star very high in the east. Barely lower left of it is 4th-magnitude Epsilon Lyrae, the Double-Double. Epsilon forms one corner of a roughly equilateral triangle with Vega and Zeta Lyrae. The triangle is less than 2° on a side, hardly the width of your thumb at arm's length. Binoculars easily resolve Epsilon. And a 4-inch telescope at 100× or more should resolve each of Epsilon's wide components into a tight pair. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: These are children in the KS state house thanking Gov Kelly for declaring June 3^rd National Gun Violence Awareness Day.

• This Week: Saturday, June 4 – The Wicked World of Croquet Day & National Black Bear Day
• Sunday, June 5 – Whit Sunday & National Moonshine Day & Festival of Popular Delusions Day

Night Sky,6/5: Eta Aquarids Meteor Shower. Eta Aquarids are best visible in the hours before dawn and are more readily visible from the tropical and southern hemisphere regions.

• Monday, June 6 – Atheists Pride Day & Yo-Yo Day & Little League Day
• Tuesday, June 7 – Bartender Day & Daniel Boone Day & World Food Safety Day

Night Sky,6/7: Four bright morning gems are scattered along an imaginary diagonal line in the eastern sky before sunrise. Likely, Jupiter is the easiest to locate. Find it nearly 25° up in the east-southeast. Mars, 5.3° to the lower left of Jupiter, continues to march away from the Jovian Giant. The Red Planet is dimmer, but easily spotted. Brilliant Venus, 7° up in the east-northeast, is 36.8° to the lower left of Jupiter. Saturn, the dimmer of the four morning planets, is the highest planet, over 30° above the south-southeast horizon.

• Wednesday, June 8 – Ghostbusters Day & Upsy Daisy Day & World Oceans Day
• Thursday, June 9 – Toy Industry Day & National Sex Day

A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. St Peter meets him at the gate. The first thing the cyclist asks is if there are bicycles in heaven. "Sure," says St. Peter, "let me show you," and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine. "This is great," the cyclist says. "It certainly is," says St. Peter. "You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will always be available." As they speak, a blur streaks by them on the boards, riding a gold-plated bike. "Wow!" the cyclist exclaims. "That guy was so fast that can only be Mark Cavendish!" "No," says St. Peter, "that was God on the bike. He only thinks he's Mark Cavendish."

..........The Ford got hot and wouldn't do no more.........Chuck Berry …..Maybellene

^^ Washington Irving, who is best known as the author of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, described the pastry as "balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks.” He is widely believed to be the first writer to wax poetic about these delicious concoctions.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Imagine worshiping a god who, despite creating 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe, is really mad about your dildos. --Eric Sprankle --Submitted by Laughing in Disbelief

Moonbeam: Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness. --Allen Ginsberg

Video of the Week: Josephine Baker (1925) Josephine Baker dancing the original charleston - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What will be the next long awaited sequel to an old movie? Citizen Kane II: Citizen Musk … an eccentric billionaire baffles everyone with these mysterious last words “Buy Crypto”. --Adam Burke Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, May 28, 2022

And who knows the path of peace; let them be able and upright. --Allen Ginsberg The Path of Peace

A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking and promptly got knocked flat by a passing cyclist. "You were really lucky there," said the cyclist. "What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head. The cyclist replied, "Well, usually I drive a bus!"

..........All I want for Christmas is a rock 'n roll 'lectric guitar.........Chuck Berry …..Run Rudolph Run

^^^ Spudnuts were made with mashed potatoes or potato starch, potato doughnuts were once so popular they had their own fast food chain: Spudnuts. They were the first fast food doughnut chain to open in Los Angeles.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every time a Republican quotes a bible verse, an angel projectile vomits. --Submitted by SDS

Weird Word of the Week: Rhinotillexomania – nose picking World Wide Words: Rhinotillexomania

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie contemplating life

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean dirt, grime, and scuff marks from doors, stoves, laminated tabletops, linoleum floors, and tile. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, wipe clean, and dry. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

Learn to ride a bike. You will not regret it if you live. --Mark Twain / Marriage is a wonderful invention; then again so is a bicycle repair kit. --Billy Connolly

...........Crusin' and playin' the radio..........Chuck Berry …..No Particular Place To Go

^^^^ Renée Zellweger needed to gain weight fast to reprise her role as the eponymous heroine in 2004's Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. The actress claimed to have eaten “a Big Mac and chips, potatoes swimming in butter, pizza, milkshakes, and 20 doughnuts” every day to hit her weight goal in time for shooting.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: OMG I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person. All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Awesome Con (3-5, DC) A 3-Day celebration of geek culture, bringing over 70,000 fans together with their favorite stars from across comics, movies, tv, toys, games, and more! Awesome Con 2022 | Washington, DC Comic Con | June 3 - 5, 2022 (awesome-con.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Product Camp (2-3, Gdynia, Poland) ProductCamp is an immersive 2-day event for Product Managers, Designers, Researchers, Growth Hackers and all professionals who discover, design, manage and grow digital products. Home - productcamp.pl

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: La Bamba --> Lamb, baa

Actually, getting arrested by a cop on a bike wasn't the most embarrassing part; it was riding to jail in that basket. / Date a biker, they break bones not hearts.

..........I wanna go where you go.........Josephine Baker ….Then I'll Be Happy

^^^^^ During WWI, Salvation Army workers would bring soldiers doughnuts and coffee in the trenches of France to cheer them up and remind them of home.

My Own Writing of the Week:Masturbation was my first meditation and I hope I will never abandon it. I have used it to relieve tension, to feel peace, to entertain myself, and to touch that divinity again and again. It has taken me to almost as many places as books. It can make me love the world around me and make me feel as if I belonged to that world in return. Since I was in the 8^th grade, it couldn't have been drugs or alcohol; and, Great Balls of Fire, it wasn't the music.

The skill has allowed me to wait, to maintain myself between partners and between visits with them. I didn't have sex with someone else because my loins were aching; rather, I had sex because I wanted to make love to that person. This was very liberating. I waited much later than many of my high school friends. It has kept me from feeling alone. --From Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution by Christine Smith

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A guy walks into the Uvalde Police Department for a job interview. The officer behind the desk says, “Can you wait over there?” “Sure,” the guy answers.”Congratulations, you got the job.” --Submitted by 98%

Today's Peace of History, June 3, 1957: Thousands of scientists, led by Barry Commoner and Nobel laureate Linus Pauling, issued a call for banning nuclear weapons testing: “As scientists we have knowledge of the dangers involved and therefore a special responsibility to make those dangers known.”

You know you're a bike nerd when you can double the price of your car by putting your bike on the rack. / My biggest fear is that when I die my wife will sell my bicycles for what I told her they cost.

..........For there's a new song rising.........Ian Hunter with Mott the Hoople …..Hymn for the Dudes

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 3, 2022, Cyclical ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence KS

Moonbeam: America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel. --Allen Ginsberg

Cost of War:

As of 6/02/22 War on Terror Costs since 2001: $179,416,434,538
As of 5/26/22 War on Terror Costs since 2001: $178,861,313,289
As of 6/02/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,060,231,367,375.
As of 5/26/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,058,681,457,709.
As of 6/02/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,106,589,923,123.
As of 5/26/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,105,987,203,809.
As of 6/02/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,462,085,158.528.
As of 5/26/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,450,337,131.165.
As of 6/02/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,964,675,807,963.
As of 5/26/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,963,498,946,234.
As of 6/02/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,772,994,666,915.
As of 5/26/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,757,364,312,917.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Wishing: In gladness and in safety, may all beings be at ease. --Buddha

Famous Last Words: ...stop for tea and gas. --Allen Ginsberg Wichita Vortex Sutra

..........Want some coke. Want some weed.........Curtis Mayfield …..Pusherman

Four wheels – move the body. Two wheels – move the soul. / Jill's plan is to cross her Bianchi with a rose bush and start a bicycle pedal farm.

May Peace score your soundtrack

And Joy write your lyrics

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

--

Peace

domestic short hair ePistle

 Famous First Words: In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. --John Barth The End of the Road

It's Hug Your Cat Day...like they'd let you do that. You hear, now and again, that all dogs go to heaven. You never hear that about cats. I think purrgatory is the best they can do. / Recently two adult cats came to live at our house. The cats have been very patient with Puck and have never resorted to using the paws claws in their rental agreement.

..........Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.........Tom Jones …..What's New Pussycat?

Peace is not passive, it is active. --Hubert Humphrey

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A 59°F temperature suggests a sweater for the Puck walk. The sky is absolutely clear of clouds and light, light blue everywhere. Even the jet trail behind the high flying plane only lasts as long as the width of my hand. Birds dominate the day. There is an unseen quarrel of sparrows quarreling in the small stand of small trees to my left; and behind me a woodpecker, also unseen, taps out rhythm intermittently. Flashes of red and brown dart across the neighborhood; but the visible birds are silent. At the end of the cul-de-sac Puck bravely chases a squirrel from someone's yard and then brags about it to any dog listening. I notice that the jet trail has already disappeared. We turn back towards home, stopping only to investigate the front tire of a car parked on the street. Wonder what is on that tire, why that tire and not the others along the way. As we approach the house a murder of crows fly overhead. They are seen and heard while in flight. The flight seems to be some sort of disagreement with a hawk who is silently headed west at incredible speed. Back inside we wipe the mud from our shoes. The brewing coffee smells wonderful and I doctor up a cup which delights both my nose and my mouth. Ah, all that's left is to light a stick of incense and sit down to think about you. What a day!!

Hope your weekend is purrfect, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Atheism isn't a religion, it's a personal relationship with reality.

Cats always getting their way is merely claws and effect. / Ours cats are so spoiled they have a Claude Meownet hanging in the litter box.

..........Well, there's thirteen hundred and fifty-two guitar pickers in Nashville.........The Lovin' Spoonful …..Nashville Cats

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Wild Bill Hickok!

^ What was Wild Bill's real name?

^^ What did Bill do when he was in Kansas?

^^^ Do you have any idea with whom he had a gun duel that was written up in Harper's Magazine?

^^^^ Wild Bill served as marshall in 2 Kansas towns; do you know which ones?

^^^^^ How did Wild Bill die?

Big Hello: Kuzu zangpo la – Dzongkha (South Tibet) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The word homeowner has the word meow in it. Cats everywhere say “you're welcome”.

Max Picture of the Week: Max the lumberjack

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Librarian shoes: 33% sensible yet stylish...33% sensible w/ no style...33% simply no style...1% thigh-high boots under a long skirt https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

It was somewhere outside Litter Box, near the edge of the mudroom, when the catnip began to take hold... / I really hate it when my cat sits and stares at me while I'm doing laundry. But it's humming “Whisker While You Work” that drives me nuts.

..........Well, I quit those days and my redneck ways.........Elton John …..Honky Cat

Moonbeam: We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies, Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. --Julia Ward Howe

Meditation of the Week: If you had been given a different name at birth, would you be a different person?

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener John Sieger, of Wauwatosa, WI. Name a famous living movie star. Insert an R in the middle of the first name, and drop the last two letters of the last name. You'll get a familiar French phrase. What is it? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 6/22/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Gas is so high, the letter carrier is working from home. She called yesterday to read my bill to me. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: Mule Week (24-29) A mule walks into a barn in Moscow. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” “Really,” replies the mule, “There's a drink named Boris?” / Nature made mules infertile because they would be half-assed parents.

We have a sizable catnip patch along the walk from the front to the back of the house. The cats are furever trying to get Puck to try it. They tell him it's like weed for cats. / Don't Worry. Be tabby

..........If we like we stay for maybe quite a while.........Peggy Lee …..Siamese Cat Song (Lady the Tramp)

^ Wild Bill was born James Butler Hickok in Homer (now Troy Grove) Illinois.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 27, 2022. The moon will be new on Monday (30^th) and is in Taurus. It is Cellophane Tape Day. In Afghanistan it is Independence day (1921); in Nigeria it is Children's Day and in Turkey it is Constitution Day. Because it is the fourth Friday it is Heat Awareness Day and National Title Track Day. Because it is the Friday before Memorial Day it is Don't Fry Day and National Wig Out Day. Finally, because it is the last Friday in May it is Hug Your Cat Day.

Among those born on this day were Francis Beaufort (1774), Cornelius Vandrebilt (1794), Amelia Bloomer (1818), Julia Ward Howe (1819), Henry Wylde (1822), Wild Bill Hickok (James Butler, 1837), Dashiell Hammett (1894), Hubert Humphrey (1911), Vincent Price (1911), John Cheever (1912), Sam Snead (1912), Herman Wouk (1915), Henry Kissinger (1923), John Barth (1930), Harlan Ellison (1934), Lee Meriwether (1935), Louis Gossett Jr. (1936), Rene Koering (1940), and Aleksandr Aleksandrovich Volkov (1948).

On May twenty-seventh Denmark and Sweden signed a ceasefire (1660), McLean patented his piano (1796), Samuel Morse completed the first telegraph line (1844), the first Preakness Stakes was run (Survivor, 1873), Bubonic plague broke out in San Francisco (1907), Afghanistan achieved sovereignty (1921), Austria banned the Communist Party (1933), the Federal Secuirties Act was signed (1933), the golden gate bridge was dedicated (1937), the US forbade racial discrimination in the war industry (1943), Huis Clos premiered (1944), the first black light was sold (1961), Kennedy announced the US goal to reach the moon (1961), Bob Dylan released Free Wheelin (1963), construction began on Disney World (1969), Trujillo became president of Colombia (1990), and Solzhenitsyn returned to Russia (1994).

Night Sky, 5/27: Bright Capella sets low in the northwest fairly soon after dark these evenings. That leaves Vega and Arcturus as the brightest stars in the evening sky. Vega shines in the east-northeast. Arcturus is now very high toward the south. A third of the way from Arcturus down to Vega look for semicircular Corona Borealis, with 2nd-magnitude Alphecca as its one moderately bright star. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Denver 5/20/22

This Week: Saturday, May 28 – Amnesty International Founders Day & Menstrual Hygiene Day & Sierra Club Day

Sunday, May 29 – Indianapolis 500 & Learn About Composting Day

Monday, May 30 – Hamburger Day & Memorial Day & Mint Julep Day

Night Sky, 5/30: We might have a brief-but-intense meteor display, thanks to a comet that split apart in 1995 and is apparently still fragmenting. It might happen, as Earth passes through a particularly dense stream of icy particles which the comet left behind in the years 1995, 1897 and 1892. If it does happen, we’ll see a grand display of meteors! And, even if it doesn’t, this comet is one you’ll want to come to know. More information

Tuesday, May 31 – National Smile Day & Save Your Hearing Day & World No-Tobacco Day

Wednesday, June 1 – Oscar the Grouch Day & National Olive Day & World Milk Day

Night Sky, 6/1: Shortly after sunset on June 1 and 2, you can see the waxing crescent moon, complete with earthshine**. It glows near the 2 bright stars of Gemini the Twins, Castor and Pollux.

**Earthshine: the glow caused by sunlight reflected off the earth, especially on the darker portion of a crescent moon.

Thursday, June 2 – Leave the Office Early Day & National Gun Violence Awareness Day

It was a grand party. Pawl McCatney was playing Meowzart. Hairy Catnip, Jr was also in the band and Pawla Abdual was leading the line dance. / Puck tried to teach the cats to fetch but they were clawless.

..........And I'm scratching around in your window pane.........Muddy Waters …..Tom Cat

^^ In his late teens, Wild Bill moved west to Kansas, where a small-scale civil war was raging over slavery. After joining a band of antislavery fighters, the Free State Army of Jayhawkers, he was assigned to protect its leader, controversial politician James H. Lane.

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tucker Carlson: Old School Racism Middle School Haircut --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: When the unwelcome little unborn shall have seen the light my brain will be lightened, and I shall have a clearer mind. Thank God that even this weary nine months shall come to an end and leave me in possession of my own body and my own soul. --Julia Ward Howe

Video of the Week: “Show these guys that power isn't in the way you pee.” --Take Your Vagina to the RNC

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not only did I fall off The Diet Wagon, I dragged it into the words, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes. --Submitted by bc of tx

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Kingsland, Arkansas' water tower naturally features a painting of Johnny Cash's silhouette facing the viewer. Now the water tower has been damaged by a vandal who did what? ...That's right, someone shot a man in Kingland just to watch him pee. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/21/22 Seriously: Johnny Cash mural on water tower appears to be urinating amid leak - YouTube

Peace is not appeasement, it is strength. --Herbert Humphrey

Actually the cats were thinking of opening their own catnip dispensary, but a friend of theirs got arrested and charged with a feline-y. So they gave it up. / Next thing you know, Shasta will demand a Furrari.

..........Looking for some new delight.........Peggy Lee …..Alley Cat

^^^ During a poker game, tensions with a former friend, Davis Tutt, came to a head over gambling debts, triggering a stand-off in the town square. The two stood sideways to each other 70 metres apart, before firing simultaneously. Tutt’s shot missed, but Hickok hit Tutt in the ribs and he collapsed and died. Hickok was acquitted of manslaughter and an 1867 Harper’s Magazine article recounting the incident made him famous across the country.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wife: I have blisters on my hands from the broom. Partner: Next time take the car.”

Weird Word of the Week: Qubit (pronounced cubit) – a quantum bit –computese ### World Wide Words: Qubit

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the orange hardhat

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Use as a deodorant. Dust baking soda under arms. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

Cats always think they look fe-line! If they could, they'd be pawsitively blushing. / Hint: Mousewash does not improve a cat's breath.

...........Don't bother asking for explanations.........Al Stewart …..Year Of The Cat

^^^^ From 1869 to 1871 Hickok served as a marshal in the Kansas towns of Hays City and Abilene, getting involved in several shootouts. In October 1871, after shooting an Abilene saloon owner, he suddenly glimpsed another figure running towards him out of the corner of his eye and fired twice. It turned out to be his Special Deputy Marshal, Mike Williams. The killing of his own man affected Hickok for the rest of his life. Two months later he was relieved of his duties.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just replaced the cat litter with 99 packages of pop rocks. Now we wait...

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConQuest (27-29, Kansas City) Kansas City's original Science Fiction Convention ConQuesT KC he history says that ConQuest began as BYOB Con in 1972 BUT this year – 50 years later exactly, it's ConQuest 53? So where do we think the other 3 conventions came from?

Quote of the Week: How come when it's us it's an abortion but when it a chicken it's an omelet. --George Carlin

Actual Science Conference of the Week: NAFSA 2022: International Education Event (5/31-6/3) Commitment to a Sustainable Future NAFSA 2022 Annual Conference & Expo | NAFSA

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Cate Blanchett --> carte blanche

Our cats have become so sophisticated that they drink meow-tinis and discuss the Great Catsby. / Onyx used to be an alley cat, he still bowls some.

..........We're quiet enough in the morning hours.........Company …..Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

^^^^^ On 1 August 1876 Hickok was playing poker in Deadwood. For some reason – likely because there was no other seat available – he was sitting with his back to the door, something he didn’t normally do. In walked drifter Jack McCall, who pulled out his gun and shot him in the back of the head. Hickok died instantly. McCall was acquitted of murder by a jury of local miners, but a retrial reversed the verdict and he was hanged. Reports say that at the time of his death Hickok was holding two black aces and two black eights, plus another unknown card. This is known as the dead man's hand.

My Own Writing of the Week: I discovered actual sex all by myself in my room around sixth or seventh grade. I have never doubted that I found righteousness that day. The media, the church, and my parents were all silent about this marvelous experience. There had been no hint of it in anything I had read or seen or heard. What a pleasant surprise! This was delight made physical. It was dessert for the soul. How could no one have spoken of it? I never thought it was a magic of mine alone, only that the world had been trying to keep it a secret. I knew immediately that this was what people meant when they said it gets better when you grow up. But for the moment, I too kept it secret.

There was also never a thought that it was bad. For one thing, bad implies other people. How could I hurt someone when I was the only one there? Anyway, this was clearly good. To feel at one with everything could not possibly be bad. To feel at peace with the world and to feel so relaxed simply is good. And yet, we kept it secret, those of us that knew. --From Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution by Christine Smith

Age Reminder of the Week: Younger people are at the age when they are using their phones to document the good times in their lives. I am at the age where I use my phone to take pictures of labels that I can't read and use my phone to enlarge the print. --Submitted by INRITH

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's weird that in eight Spiderman movies no villain has thought to just put a giant glass over him.

Today's Peace of History, May 27, 1940: The US Supreme Court ruled a sit-down strike was not a violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act even if it interfered with interstate commerce. The Court said that if the strike were found to be a restraint of trade, then “practically every strike in modern industry would be brought within the jurisdiction of the federal courts under the Sherman Act.”

You may know our cat; he played the brother in Downton Tabby. / Puck calls the cats claw enforcement.

..........You'll do anything if given the chance..........Janet Jackson …..Black Cat

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 27, 2022, Domestic short hair ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Ambitious people climb, but faithful people build. --Julia Ward Howe

Cost of War:

As of 5/26/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $178,861,313,289

As of 5/19/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $178,319,262,861

As of 5/26/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,058,681,457,709.

As of 5/19/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,057,167,355,446.

As of 5/26/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,105,987,203,809.

As of 5/19/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,105,398,369,954.

As of 5/26/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,450,337,131.165.

As of 5/19/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,438,859,667.820.

As of 5/26/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,963,498,946,234.

As of 5/19/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,962,349,345,474.

As of 5/26/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,757,364,312,917.

As of 5/19/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,742,097,663,113.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace does not “happen”, it requires work. --Hubert Humphrey

Famous Last Words: Garcin: Well, well, let's get on with it... --Jean Paul Sartre No Exit

..........You know we'll have a good time then..........Harry Chapin …..Cat's In The Cradle

Smoke Catnip! Hail, Lucipurr! / Jeez, these cat puns are apawling.

May Peace strengthen your mind

And Joy enhance your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Travelin' ePistle

 Famous First Words: ...by existing laws granting preemption rights. --The Homestead Act

Happy National Defense Transportation Day! CPAs always travel by tax-ese. / The master woodworker built a motorcycle out of hickory but it wooden start.

..........Suspicious minds are talkin'..........Joe Cocker …..You Can Leave Your Hat On

Slavery is malignantly aristocratic. --Antoinette Brown Blackwell

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The temperature (72°F) is cool and the persistent breeze suggests a jacket if you are walking a dog or sitting on the porch with your friend. The sky is absolutely covered in thick white clouds – not quite threatening rain, but full and thick nonetheless. Puck is too busy sniffing trails left in the lawn by squirrels or rabbits. He doesn't care if it rains. Bird song is abundant and varied like a not so jazzy jam session. We do not walk long, because I did not wear a jacket, in fact. So we return to the house smelling of brewing coffee and patchouli. I have taken Jeff to the bank and the bus stop. I have purchased cigarettes for Joyce and delivered them. I picked up some donuts and I'm munching a long john with chocolate icing and sprinkles and washing it down with vanilla nut creme decaf. For a person whose stove (and refrigerator) is in the living room, not a bad morning at all.

Hope your weekend gets you where you need to go, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing Read of the Week: I named my watch dogs Timex and Rolex. --Submitted by mh of bc

Best mode of transportation is the train. It has a proven track record. / Impressionist composers prefer to take Debussy.

..........Do you believe in life after love.........Cher …..Believe

Trivia Questions: Happy Hundred and Forty Seventh Birthday to the International Bureau of Weights & Measures

^ What is the International Bureau of Weights & Measures anyway?

^^ Where is the bureau headquarters located?

^^^ How does the bureau regulate time?

^^^^ How does the bureau ensure measurements are the same across borders?

^^^^^ Can you guess when the IBWM began standardizing electrical measurement?

Big Hello: Hallo - Dutch https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you. --Submitted by MMS

Max Picture of the Week: Max's first protest (and Ollie is there too on mom's back)

Meditation of the Week: How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

The Flooring Soap Opera Episode of the Week: So I'm still in my cozy wonderful room with the soft lush rug and ... stuff. Sigh! And the hall and living room look great. And the furniture and boxes are out of the garage so the car is in. But the kitchen floor was a few pieces of tile and several feet of broken and breaking tiles and a cement strip about ½ inch lower. But, the floor guy came back and tore up all the tiles - even under the stove and fridge. The next day he sanded it all down and spread some stuff on it to even it all out. I don't think it was cement. Then it took two days of laying tile – beautiful tile, it looks real nice – during which time the stove and fridge lived in the living room. Are living in the living room. Yes, the fridge is plugged in and we still use it. So the living room is a maze: push Jeffrey's walker out of the path, beyond the yellow chair (also known as Puck's chair) turn right, turn right again almost immediately and veer left past the printer table to the patio door to let Puck out. I didn't realize that all those follow-the-maze puzzles I did as a kid were preparing me for an actual event in my life. The grout is drying and the appliances return today.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: How do you know a librarian is mad at you: 65% no longer talking to you 25% cancels your holds 10% keeps accidentally hitting you with book carts https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

But my dog, Puck, prefers the waggin'. / Hilda the Hippie traveled by cannibus.

..........I'm certain that it happens all the time..........Joe Cocker …..With A Little Help From My Friends

Moonbeam: If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. --George Gobel

Puzzle of the Week: The initial letters in the title of a popular movie from this century spell the name of a popular sitcom from the last century. What titles are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A slice of apple pie cost $2 in Jamaica and $2.50 in the Bahamas. These are the real pie rates of the Caribbean.

Week of the Week: National Unicycle Week (15-21) --What's the difference between a well dressed person on a bicycle and a poorly dressed one on a unicycle? Attire. / My mom told me never to ride a unicycle, it would never get me anywhere in life. I looked her dead in the eye and said, “You're wrong, mom, where there's a wheel, there's a way.”

After a recent afternoon rain, the garden path was streaming water but there, floating downstream on a dandelion leaf was a slug. He called it a snailboat. / My son, the chef, drives a chef-rolet.

..........Find out what you want to know.........Cher …..The Shoop Shoop Song

^ The International Bureau of Weights and Measures (French: Bureau international des poids et mesures, BIPM) is an intergovernmental organization, through which its 59 member-states act together on measurement standards in four areas: chemistry, ionising radiation, physical metrology, and coordinated universal time.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 20, 2002. The moon will be in the third quarter on Sunday and is in Capricorn. It is Eliza Doolittle Day. In Bulgaria it is Botev Day and Cameroon celebrates Constitution Day (1972). Cuba (1902) and Saudi Arabia (1927) celebrate Independence Day. In Massachusetts it is Lafayette Day (1834-anniversary of his death) and North Carolina commemorates Mecklenburg Day (1775); and in Zaïre it is Revolution Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, The Headless Chicken Day, O. Henry Pun-off Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense Transportation Day, and National Pizza Party Day .

Among those born today were Henry Percy (Harry Hotspur, 1364), Dolley Dandridge Payne Madison (1768), William Congreve (1772), Honoré de Balzac (1799), John Stuart Mill (1806), William George Fargo (1818), Frédéric Passy (1822), Antoinette Brown Blackwell (1825), James Maitland Stewart (Jimmy, 1908), Gardner F Fox (1911), William Hewlett (1913), Moshe Dayan (1915), George Gobel (1919), Danny Aiello (1933), Shorty Long (1940), and Joe Cocker (1944), Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre, 1946), Dave Thomas (1949), James Henderson (1954), Ronald Prescot Reagan (1958), and Susan Cowsill (1960).

On May twentith the first ecumenical council opened at Nicaea (325), the Treaty of Paris was signed (1303), shoes were first made for left and right feet (1310), the first public school opened in the new world (1639), Elias Neau formed a school for slaves in New York (1704), the daily railroad timetable was first published in the newspaper (1830), the cornerstone for the University of Washington was laid in Seattle (1861), the Homestead Act was passed (1862), the foundation for the Royal Albert Hall was laid (1867), Levi Strauss first marketed his blue jeans ($13.50/dozen, 1874), Ibsen's Ghosts (Gengangere) premiered (1882), the clothes dryer was patented (1892), the Saturday Evening Post featured its first Norman Rockwell painting (1916), Amelia Earhart left Newfoundland on her solo flight across the Atlantic (1932), the helicopter was unveiled (1940), the US Communist Party dissolved (1944), Japanese-Americans regained their citizenship (1959), mobs attacked Freedom Riders in Montgomery (1961), Criss quit Kiss (1980), the Dow Jones closed above 1300 for the first time (1984), Toonces the Cat debuted on SNL (1989), the Hubble telescope sent its first photographs from space (1990), the final episode of Cheers aired (1993), and CBS fired Connie Chung (1995).

Night Sky, 5/20: Spring is advancing, and Vega is now nicely up in the east-northeast after dark. Look for its faint little constellation Lyra, the Lyre, hanging down from it with its bottom canted to the right. Lyra's leading stars form a little equilateral triangle with Vega as one corner, and a parallelogram dangling from the triangle's bottom. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The Blood Moon Eclipse

This Week: Saturday, May 21 – I Need A Patch For That Day & International Tea Day & National Waitstaff Day

Sunday, May 22 – Canadian Immigrants Day & Harvey Milk Day & Sherlock Holmes Day

Night Sky, 5/22: This is the time of year when Leo the Lion starts walking downward toward the west, on his way to departing into the sunset in early summer. After dark, spot the brightest star fairly high in the west-southwest. That's first-magnitude Regulus, Leo's forefoot.

Monday, May 23 – National Best Friend-In-Law Day & World Turtle Day & Victoria Day

Tuesday, May 24 – Brother's Day & Morse Code Day & World Schizophrenia Awareness Day

Wednesday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Tap Dance Day & Towel Day

Night Sky, 5/25: With summer still a month away (astronomically speaking), the last star of the Summer Triangle still doesn't rise above the eastern horizon until about 10 or 11 pm. That's Altair, the Triangle's lower right corner. Watch for Altair to clear the horizon three or four fists at arm's length to Vega's lower right.

Thursday, May 26 – National Chardonnay Day & National Paper Airplane Day

You may think philosophers are more helpful than archaic forms of transportation, but I think you're putting Descartes before the horse. / If no one rides it, is it still mass transportation?

..........The road is long..........Joe Cocker …..Up Where We Belong

^^ The IBWM is located in St Cloud, Paris, France. –to be exact: 12bis Grande Rue, F-92310 Sèvres. ...a 10.7-acre site granted to the Bureau by the French Government in 1876.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This universe never did make sense. I suspect it was built on government contract. --Robert Heinlein

Moonbeam: Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes? --George Gobel

Video of the Week: Chris Rock: We Don't Need Gun Control Chris Rock -- Bullet Control (HD) - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What's the next dumb thing that people will invest in? Tom Brady's signed retirement football. --Faith Salie Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/14/22

Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. --Ronald Reagan

There is a new country in the United Nations. It has roller coasters between cities as its primary public transportation. It's called Coaster Eee-ka / Public Transport: Always rides twice as fast when you're not on it.

..........Sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good........Cher …..Gypsies, Tramps, And Thieves

^^^ The BIPM has an important role in maintaining accurate worldwide time of day. It combines, analyses, and averages the official atomic time standards of member nations around the world to create a single, official Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). ~~This sounds to me like time is an average of places where time goes really fast (New York Minute) and the places where it goes really slow (waiting at the doctor's office).

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every time I get a gray hair I remember that one of my stem cells is like, “the working conditions here are awful and I am done.” And I respect that, from a labor perspective. --Submitted by MMS

Weird Word of the Week: Philogynist – opposite of misogynist...a lover of women World Wide Words: Philogynist

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie waving good-bye

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe tired feet. Add three tablespoons to a basin of warm water and soak feet in the solution. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

I often think of skipping school, then I remember I'm the bus driver. / It's not actually a bus schedule, it's more like guidelines.

...........I'm under your spell..........Joe Cocker …..Unchain My Heart

^^^^Scientists use the laboratories to compare measurements that are made in different countries. The offices are used for meetings where scientists discuss the best way to make sure that all countries use the same measurements.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If I were a bird, I know who I would shit on. --Submitted by aeb of kc

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: KeyCon 2022: (20-22, Winnipeg) From Myth to Modern Keycon 39 - From Myth to Modern

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Math Discovery Graphs of the Rainbow & Folding Fridays – learn to fold origami “the pig” Online Upcoming Events – National Museum of Mathematics (momath.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Snakes On A Plane --> Soap

Trains used to go choo choo, now they go zzzzz zzzzz. / If you are driving a Tesla and it gets stolen, is it then called an “Edison”?

..........She told me more about me than I knew myself.........Cher …..Dark Lady

^^^^^ The BIPM took a very early interest in electrical measurements. As early as 1884, for example, at the request of the International Committee for Weights and Measures, J. R. Benoit constructed on behalf of the French Ministry of Postal and Telegraph Services, 4 prototypes of the legal ohm and about 15 secondary standards.

My Own Writing of the Week: In the fifth grade I owned a felt skirt with a poodle on it. I was taught by media and church, aka god, that good girls didn't like sex. Girls who liked sex were bad. My generation of women were first formally introduced to sex by Kotex (or maybe it was Modess). In the fifth grade the girls were taken from the room and shown a movie on menstruation. The heart of the film, basically, was to remind us that we must NEVER let anyone (especially males) know that we were actually bleeding. It told us to be embarrassed by our bodies and their functions. It trained us to consider the male ego more important than our bodies and their functions. It offered us a consumer solution to our shame. What a scam. And we were sent back to our classrooms with a little booklet with pictures of our insides inside it.

Instead of Quote of the Week...Second Picture of the Week: As I was leaving Dillon's I came upon a Bans Off Our Bodies march made up of high school students traveling east along 23^rd St. Cool, huh? 

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There should be a background check before the NRA is allowed to buy a senator. --SDS

Today's Peace of History, May 20, 1968: In the first such instance during the Vietnam War, Arlington Street Unitarian-Universalist Church in Boston offered sanctuary to Robert Talmanson and William Chase, both of whom had refused to participate in the war. Talmanson had been convicted of refusing induction, and Chase had gone AWOL (absent without leave) as an army private after having served nine months at Cam Ranh Bay in Vietnam.

Before they let me drive in the outback, the Australian government made me prove my koala-fications. / If Yoda were around today, don't you think he'd drive a Toyoda?

..........You're everything I hoped for..........Joe Cocker …..You Are So Beautiful

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May, 20, 2022, Travelin' ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served. --George Gobel

Cost of War:

As of 5/19/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $178,319,262,861

As of 5/12/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $177,770,521,558

As of 5/19/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,057,167,355,446.

As of 5/12/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,055,634,254,296.

As of 5/19/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,105,398,369,954.

As of 5/12/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,104,802,279,615.

As of 5/19/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,438,859,667.820.

As of 5/12/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,427,240,337.306 .

As of 5/19/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,962,349,345,474.

As of 5/12/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,961,185,644,917.

As of 5/19/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,742,097,663,113.

As of 5/12/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,726,640,319,777.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The greater part of humanity’s miseries are so much the product of our own fault that it can only be up to us to make them disappear. --Frédéric Passy

Famous Last Words: ...and caused the seals of our arms to be affixed thereto. The Treaty of Paris

..........There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb.........Cher (and Sonny) …..I Got You Babe

My friend from Dodge City and I were walking down the street in Buffalo, NY. We passed the Buffalo Transportation Company. They were having some sort of promotion for smart cars so they had a line of them in various colors parked along the sidewalk. My friend said, “There's no way they can transport a buffalo in those things. / “I bet you can't make a u-turn in the Suez Canal with this ship.” “Here, hold my beer.”

May Peace power your motor

And Joy turn your wheels

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: