Famous First Words: An act to provide for the general welfare... Preamble Social Security Act (H.R. 7260)
It's Elvis Week!! (8-16) It's 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, 4 for sales, 5 for customer service, and 6 to hear these options again. I have an idea for a chain of Elive Steakhouses for people who love meat tender.
..........The “he” is always lower case.........Steve Martin & the Stone Canyon Rangers …..Atheists Don't Have No Songs
A government which deliberately enacts injustice, and persists in it, will at length ever become the laughingstock of the world. --Henry David Thoreau
It is a muggy Friday morning (relative humidity 79%). The sky is partly cloudy but the uncloudy parts are not a clear deep blue. Instead they are hazy and very pale. No breeze is apparent on the cheek and only the tiniest willow branches are moving. A small army of squirrels (4-6) are in the backyard eating sunflower seeds and peanuts and chasing each other around, swishing tails and making squeaking noises. They also banged the metal water bowl to alert me that it has no water in it. Puck, meanwhile, is asleep under my desk snoring and snorting. Guard dogging is not in his job description. I'm in great shape, afterall, I am sipping my doctored decaf and writing to you. Life can't get much better than that.
Hope your weekend shines bright ahead, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book. --Terry Pratchett
Whatever This Is Of The Week: “War Profiteer” used to be an insult. Eric Trump and Don Jr. rebranded it. Now, they're calling it “patriotic capitalism”. Since their father took office and started a war, companies they've backed have pulled in $3.2 billion in government business – with the right to bid exclusively on up to$200 billion more. In case you were wondering why the war is taking longer than the “4 to 6 weeks” felon in chief projected... --Submitted by FNOG
Elvis discovered a dinosaur fossil at Graceland. He dubbed it the Elvisaurus. Elvis likes his martinis all shook up.
..........It says sprocket not socket..........Steve Martin …..Let's Get Small
Trivia Questions: Happy National Lizard Day
How many unique lizard species make their home in the United States?
How many US lizards are venomous?
Which US lizard shoots blood from its eyes?
Which US lizard can run on its back legs?
What is the most common lizard found in the US?
Big Hello: Na nga def – Wolof (Senegal) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just found out that it's “up to your family” whether a female is buried with a bra on or not. I'm just warning anyone in my family now, if you bury me with a bra on, I will haunt every one of you for the rest of your lives!!!! --Alondra E Adevedo --Submitted by aakb of kc
Image of the Week: I was cleaning out some computer files and came across the last estate sale pictures. This is 4 Mugs 2020
I don't always listen to Elvis Presley but when I do so do my neighbors. When Lindsey Graham got to heaven he asked if he could meet Elivs and was told that Elvis was still alive and living quietly in Peoria.
..........Kisses like Pop Rocks..........Steve Martin …..Angel In Flip-Flops
Moonbeam: Religion was nearly dead because there was no longer real belief in future life; but something was struggling to take its place – service – social service – the ants creed, the bees creed. --John Galsworthy
Blasphemy of the Week: Caption for a picture of Jesus feeding the 4 or 5000: And so, he passed out loaves to the hungry. And fishes for those who were low-carbing or needed to get Omega-3 for their hair.
Coffee Joke of the Week: Coffee: Turning water into hope.
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I watched three joggers outside, and it inspired me to get up and close the curtains. --Submitted by jm of ks
You know, Elf-is Presley is Santa's favorite 50s singer. Elvis once worked in a bakery. He was known for his hunk o' burning dough.
..........Who knew Ivan was a czar..........Steve Martin & Paul McCartney …..Best Love
1) Over 50 native lizard species live in the US, mostly in the warm southern and western states.
Almanac: It is Friday, 8/14/26. The moon was new last Wednesday (8/12) and is in Virgo. Today is Military Marriage Day, National Lizard Day, National Navajo Code Talkers Day, Romance Awareness Day, Social Security Day, St. Maximillian Kolbe Day - the patron saint of Ham Radio operators, Victory in Japan (V-J) Day, and World Calligraphy Day. Because this is the third weekend it is also Kool-Aid Days.
Among those born on this day were Doc Holliday (1851), Ernest Seton (1860), John Glasworthy (1867), John Ringling North (1903), Alice Ghostley (1923), Buddy Greco (1926), Lina Wertmüller (1928), David Crosby (1941), Steve Martin (1945), Susan St James (1946), Danielle Steel (1947), Gary Arson (1950), Jackée (1957), Magic Johnson (1959), Susan Olson (1961), and Halle Berry (1966).
On August fourteenth Construction began on the Cologne Cathedral (1248), Thoreau was jailed for tax resistance (1846), The Oregon Territory was created (1848), Construction was completed on the Cologne Cathedral (1880), France began to require driving tests and licenses (1893), The US invaded Nicaragua (1912), Social Security became law (1935), The first night game was played at Comiskey Park (1939), India was granted self determination within the British empire (1947), Stephen Stills was arrested on cocaine possession (1970), and Pete Rose (Phillies) broke Hank Aaron's record (1982).
Night Sky, 8/14: Venus is at its greatest angular distance from the Sun and shines brightly in the west after sunset.
Fraternal Picture of the Week: Dessert For Breakfast Day
Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Andrew Tate: I don't sleep with vaccinated women. Stephjane: Yay, the vaccines are working. --Submitted by Catsonacouch
This Week: Saturday, August 15- Best Friends Day & Chef Appreciation Day & National Honey Bee Day
Sunday, August 16- National Roller Coaster Day & Surveillance Day & World Helicopter Day
Night Sky, 8/16: Jupiter, Mercury, Mars, Uranus, Saturn, Neptune, and Betelgeuse) are visible in the east pre-dawn.
Monday, August 17- Black Cat Appreciation Day & National Nonprofit Day & National Thrift Shop Day
Tuesday, August 18- Bad Poetry Day & Mail Order Catalog Day & Serendipity Day
Night Sky, : Sunrise: 6:33 am Sunset: 8:18 pm 13 hours and 45 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 8:42 am Moonset: 9:20 pm
Wednesday, August 19- Aviation Day & National Potato Day & Talk Like JarJar Day & World Humanitarian Day
Night Sky, 8/19: The moon enters its first Quarter on the cusp of Scorpio/Sagittarius.
Thursday, August 20- International Day of Medical Transporters & National Radio Day & World Mosquito Day
There is an Egyptian Elvis impersonator down at the comedy club. He calls himself Amal Shookup. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --Johnny Carson
..........I would have gone with you..........Steve Martin & Edie Brickell …..Back In The Day
2) There is only one venomous lizard native to the US, the Gila Monsters (Heloderma suspectum). They chew to push venom through grooves in their teeth. Their bite is painful but rarely deadly.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kobach insists he's against communism despite getting repeatedly owned by the public.
Moonbeam: The agreement of this law with nature will be better seen by the repetition of experiments than by a long explanation. — Hans Christian Oersted
Video of the Week: It's National Navajo Code Talkers Day! Here a very good description: https://www.history.navy.mil/research/library/online-reading-room/title-list-alphabetically/n/code-talkers.html
Fun Facts of the Week: Navajos could encode, transmit, and decode a three-line English message in 20 seconds. Machines of the time required 30 minutes to perform the same job. In 1942, there were about 50,000 Navajo tribe members. As of 1945, about 540 Navajos served as Marines. From 375 to 420 of those trained as code talkers; the rest served in other capacities.
Extra Video of the Week: Video with Bette Midler: All You Fascists Bound to Lose (2:30)
All men recognize the right of revolution; that is, the right to refuse allegiance to, and to resist, the government, when its tyranny or its inefficiency are great and unendurable. --Henry David Thoreau
What's the difference between Elvis and a smart politician? Elvis has been sighted. Elvis sang so many sad songs, my mom used to call him Elvis Depressly.
..........Stop this foolish mission..........Steve Martin & Martin Short …..Playing With The Big Boys
3) The North American Horned Lizard can squirt a stream of blood from the corners of its eyes to confuse hungry predators.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Remember to close all parentheses. We're not paying to air condition the entire paragraph. https://www.facebook.com/MXJXL
Weird Word of the Week: Jentacular – pretaining to breakfast https://www.quora.com/What-does-the-word-jentacular-mean
Dragon of the Week: Barcelona, Spain
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make a funnel. Cut a clean, empty two-liter Coca Cola bottle in half and use the capless top half. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html
How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a light bulb. 1 for the money but 2 for the show. “I might join you later” - Translation: You have a better chance of seeing Elvis riding a unicorn than you have of seeing me.
...........Be gentle and peaceful each day..........Steve Martin …..Grandmother's Song
4) The Collared Lizard found across the western US states can run fast on just their hind legs when chasing food or fleeing danger.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Philosophy is basically thinking about thinking, which sounds like a waste of time because it is, although a philosopher might argue that that time they've wasted never existed in the first place. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Long Island Who Convention 2026 (14-16, Holtsville, NY) For over a decade... https://longislanddoctorwho.com/
Questions of the Week: 1) Would Republicans support the SAVE Act if it applied to guns? 2) How many countries tax their citizens so they can send money to the United States?
Spark of Joy of the Week: Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --John Kenneth Galbraith
Crocs, Inc is putting out an Elvis shoe called Jailhouse Crocs. In the army Elvis was assigned to look for Suspicious Mines.
..........It's a bitch sometimes..........Steve Martin & Kelly Clarkson …..I hate Love
5) The Fence Lizard (genus sceloporus ) is the most widely distributed and commonly encountered native lizard.
Protest Signs of the Week: sign1) Perverts Support Trump sign2) Divorce Your MAGA Husband
Quote of the Week: Brevity is the soul of lingerie. --Dorothy Parker
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: But how do you know you've got power unless you abuse it? https://www.facebook.com/christopher.monley.7
Today's Peace of History: August 14, 1980: After months of labor turmoil, more than 16,000 Polish workers seized control of the Lenin Shipyards in Gdansk. They helped form Solidarnosc (Solidarity), the first independent labor union anywhere in the Soviet bloc, as the Warsaw Pact nations were known. It helped unite the broad political, social, and religious opposition to the Communist government.
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley. I heard they are making an x-rated movie about Elvis. It's called 50 shades of Blue Suede.
..........Will a baby get tried for matricide..........Steve Martin …..Which Of The Pickwick Triplets Did It
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, August 14, 2026: Hound Dog ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.
Moonbeam: If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future. --Danielle Steel
Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 8/13/26: $883,965,942,581
That's nineteen billion, Four hundred and thirty-five million, Twenty-nine thousand, Five hundred and seventy dollars this week. ~~Three billion more than last week...where did it go?
Pentagon Spending 8/6/26: $864,530,913,011
Pentagon Spending 8/1/26: $847,776,457,111
Peace cannot be bullied into existence. --Ali Jarbawi,
Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282
Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422
Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719
Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine. --Henry David Thoreau
Famous Last Words: Hail Mary --St Maksymilian Maria Kolbe executed by Nazis 8/14/1941
..........How'd you get so funky (Funky Tut)..........Steve Martin …..King Tut
Elvis' last greatest hit was the bathroom floor. What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today? Clawing at the inside of his coffin.
May Peace sing your melody
And Joy pick up your harmony
prairie mama
christine
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