uNwired ePistle

Famous First Words: I can't see. --Stage Manager Pirandello: Six Characters in Search of an Author

The latest thing in pirate technology is the Ipatch. ...It's Screen-Free Week aka Digital Detox Week (5-11). I'm going to sit at my computer all week hunting for jokes about it. ... A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

..........I will dance; I will sing and my laugh shall be gay.........Carter Family …..Wildwood Flower

Nationalism is war. --Francois Mitterand

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A clear blue sky with only an occasional cloud. Light breezes make the willow dance and the mulberry shiver. As the clock rounds up to 10 am, I have already been to the dentist and the doctor and now I'm writing to you. Sorry the intro is so short, it's because I've already been to the doctor and the dentist...

May your weekend be super (no wires attached), ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Being famous on social media is basically the same thing as being rich in Monopoly. --Submitted by ff of ks

Day after day we're getting more and more addicted to technology. For instance my uncle spends 6 hours a day on a hemodialysis machine. When your online store says you need a second cart, it's time to stop shopping.

..........Clouds and storms will in time pass away.........Carter Family …..Keep On The Sunny Side

Trivia Questions: It is the 249^th anniversary of the meeting of the Second Continental Congress.

• ^ Where did the Congress meet?
• ^^ The Congress enacted the Olive Branch Petition. What do you know about that?
• ^^^ What military matters did the Congress take care of?
• ^^^^ The “Shot Heard Around the World” had been fired before this Congress met. How long had it been between those shots and this meeting?
• ^^^^^ How long did the Congress last?

Big Hello: Caйн yy - Mongolian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We found your luggage. It's in Cabo, but it's way happier there and isn't coming back. --Submitted by rk of ks

Image of the Week: Windmill Day Taken in Lawrence, KS, 2015

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 30% of all conspiracy theories are made up by librarians for fun. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I've decided to gradually cut back my dependence on technology. I'm starting with the vacuum and the washer/dryer. I was doing my own taxes online until my computer began making snickering noises.

..........Singing seems to help a troubled soul.........Carter Family …..Daddy Sang Bass

Moonbeam: Joy is the simplest form of gratitude. --Karl Barth

Blasphemy of the Week: When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. --Dom Helder Camara

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Chad Graham, of Philadelphia. Think of a famous male singer of the past with two A's in his name. Drop both A's and the remaining letters can be rearranged to name a popular make of automobile. What is it?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some are saying it's the greatest contempt anyone has ever been held in. --Submitted by SDS

How many problems with these self-driving cars might be cured if you make them wait until they're 16 years old? My computer can trick people into thinking it's human. Yeah, I had a boss that could do the same thing.

..........My tears fell like rain..........Fats Domino ….Ain't That A Shame

^ The Second Continental Congress met in Independence Hall in Philadelphia, PA. It is billed as the home of the Declaration of Independence and The US Constitution.

Almanac: It is Friday May 10, 2024. The moon was new last Wednesday (5/8) and is in Gemini. It is Clean Up Your Room Day, Fintastic Friday (Giving Sharks A Voice), Lupus Day, Military Spouse Appreciation Day, and Windmill Day. The Indigenous peoples of North America celebrate Native American Day.

Among those born on this day were John Wilkes Booth (1838), Karl Barth (1886), Olaf Stapleton (1886), Fred Astaire (1899), David O. Selznick (1902), Mother Maybelle Carter (1909), Ella Grasso (1919), Nancy Walker (1921), Fats Domino (1929), Barbara Taylor (1933), and Donovan Leitch (1943).

On May tenth Amerigo Vespucci left on his first voyage to the new world (1497), Ben Franklin tested his first lightning rod (1752), the second Continental Congress convened (1775), the golden spike was driven completing the transcontinental railroad (1869), Victoria Woodhull became the first woman to run for US president (1872), Mother's Day was first officially observed (1908), Six Characters in Search of an Author premiered (1921), WHB-AM began broadcasting in KCMO (1922), ~~It stood for World's Happiest Broadcasters at one point in my youth, J Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the FBI (1924), the first US planetarium opened (Chicago, 1930), Vietnam peace talks began (1968), Francois Mitterrand was elected president of France (1981) and Laverne and Shirley aired its last show (1983).

Night Sky, 5/10: Eta Lyrids Meteor Shower peaks: Remnants of Halley's Comet with 10-30 meteors visible per hour in the Northern Hemisphere. Tonight and tomorrow night List of meteor showers - Wikipedia http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The Hammock Gang... Max is far right and Ollie's in an orange hat.

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Did you hear? After all these years, Moonbeam left Clove and ran off with Ashbury. It was a total hippie replacement.

This Week: Saturday, May 11 – Indigenous Arts Day & International Migratory Bird Day & World Belly Dance Day

Sunday, May 12 – Mother's Day & International Nurses Day & Limerick Day & Native American Rights Day

Night Sky, 5/12: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark in May: Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest. They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun, and because they're all relatively nearby: 37, 25, and 42 light-years from us, respectively. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Monday, May 13 – American Indian Day & World Cocktail Day & Frog Jumping Day

Tuesday, May 14 – National Decency Day & National Chicken Dance Day & Underground America Day

Wednesday, May 15 – Peace Officer Memorial Day & Straw Hat Day & International Kangaroo Care Awareness Day

Night Sky, 5/15: This is the time of year when Leo the Lion starts walking downward toward the west, on his way to departing into the sunset in early summer. Right after dark, spot the brightest star fairly high in the west-southwest. That's Regulus, his forefoot. Regulus is also the bottom of the Sickle of Leo: a backward question mark about a fist and a half tall that outlines the lion's leading foot, chest, and mane.

Thursday, May 16 – Biographer's Day & International Day of Light & International Day of Living in Peace & National BBQ Day & National Piercing Day

As technology gets thinner, lighter, and faster people get thicker, heavier, and slower. No wonder we're lost, our information is in the cloud and we're in the fog.

..........The wind in the willow played love's sweet melody..........Fats Domino ….Blueberry Hill

^^ The Olive Branch Petition was adopted by Congress on July 5, 1775, to be sent to the King as a last attempt to prevent a formal war from being declared. The Petition emphasized their loyalty to the British crown and also emphasized their rights as British citizens. Olive Branch Petition | American Battlefield Trust (battlefields.org)

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Understand paranoid people better by following them around. --Submitted by sb of ar

Moonbeam: I have never gone after honors instead of dollars. --David O Selznick

Conspiracy of the Week: c 1798, the Rev Timothy Dwight told his congregation that the Illuminati would “united mankind against God” They would force children of Christians to read the works by deists, to become concubines of society, to see adultery as a virtue and marriage as farce. What We Can Learn From Early American Conspiracy Theories | TIME ~~My question is if the Illuminati have been working on this since before the US was the country it is today, why have they made such weak progress that they haven't been able to move on to the next step? O, wait, would that be corrupting the supreme court?

Video of the Week: Nelson Mandela history clip. video clips mandela's inauguration - Google Search

It is not enough to profess faith in the democratic process; we must do something about it. --Ella Grasso

No, I am not addicted to my smartphone. I have an app that warns me if I'm turning into an addict and it hasn't gone off yet. Don't use that font with me, young lady! Hey, boss, Siri's on the line. She says we're tech support and her stupid user isn't working. What should I tell her?

..........What's ya gonna do when the well runs dry.........Fats Domino ….I'm Walkin'

^^^ The Second Continental Congress established an army for common defensive purposes and appointed George Washington as commander-in-chief. The First Continental Army absorbed the forces then besieging Boston and stationed in New York City. Congress authorized the raising of troops from different colonies to add to the New England troops that comprised the bulk of the forces at that time. 10 Facts: The Continental Army | American Battlefield Trust (battlefields.org)

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There's a fine line between a long sermon and a hostage situation. --Submitted by jm of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Fimbriated – narrow border on a flag whose positioning is important to ensuring that a flag isn't being flown the wrong way up. World Wide Words: Fimbriated

Dragon of the Week: Dragon of Pern

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Water your plants. Feed flat Canada Dry Club Soda to your house plants or outdoor plants. The minerals in club soda are beneficial to green plants. Canada Dry® Club Soda: Wacky Uses

What is the meaning of life? I don't know, the computers are down. Brooks got his job back when the company discovered that the computer they bought to replace him didn't work either.

...........I know it, we'll do it in style.........Donovan …..Sunshine Superman

^^^^ The first shots of the American Revolution occurred at roughly 5:30 in the morning, April 19, 1775. In the space of no more than a few minutes life for the people of Lexington had changed forever. Eight of their neighbors and relatives were dead and ten were wounded. That was 21 days before the Second Continental Congress met. Some delegates were already on their way to Philadelphia when they heard the news.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is so much space debris orbiting Earth that in the future it may become dangerous just to leave Earth and we could get trapped in our own garbage. It's called Kessler Syndrome. --Neil Degreass Tyson

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Apparently, there are no Science Fiction conventions scheduled on Mother's Day Weekend. So here's a head's up about 2025 WorldCon in Glasgow, Scotland August 8-12 Glasgow 2024, a Worldcon for Our Futures

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Science and Engineering Fair (11-17, Los Angeles, CA) Future Forward. Information for Regeneron ISEF Attendees - Society for Science

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ray Charles --> Chrysler

Rachel spent so much time on facebook that she donated her body to social science. He's so dependent on technology that he can't find his rear with a GPS.

..........You've got to pick up every stitch..........Donovan …..Season of the Witch

^^^^^ The Second Continental Congress ran from May 10, 1775 until March 2, 1789.

Hippy Update of the Week: 1)A1C test – scheduled 2)EKG – Check 3)Blood Work – Check 4)Dentist – it's complicated 5)Visit with the physical therapy people - scheduled 6)Pre-op pep talk – scheduled , and 7)Surgery 6/13/24

Quote of the Week: I am a free lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional, and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please. --Victoria Woodhull Victoria ran for US president in the 1872 election for the Equal Rights Party. Her running mate was Frederick Douglass.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When breaking up with your first significant other, it helps to say "you'll always be the answer to my online banking security question. --Submitted by FNOG

Today's Peace of History, May 10, 1980: NOW (National Organization for Women) organized 85,000 people to march in support of Illinois's ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment to the US Constitution.

I'm a computer addict...a cyberspace junkie. It's ruining my social life, my job, my health. I've got to DO SOMETHING. I've got to get help. Maybe there's an on-line support group. Technology addicts can join a 12 click program.

..........I'm just mad about saffron.........Donovan …..Mellow Yellow

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 10, 2024, uNwired ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: When you are a strong woman, you will attract trouble. When a man feels threatened, there is always trouble. --Barbara Taylor Bradford

Cost of War:

• As of 05/09/24 State Department Costs: $235, 598,449,740.
• As of 05/02/24 State Department Costs: $235,045,862,294.
• As of 05/09/24 Homeland Security: $1,167,615,588,912.
• As of 05/02/24 Homeland Security: $1,167,015,372,680.
• As of 05/09/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,217,154,451,149.
• As of 05/02/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,215,611,053,340.
• As of 05/09/24 Military Costs: $3,083,821,040,473.
• As of 05/02/24 Military Costs: $3,082,649,281,924.
• As of 05/09/24 Veterans Care: $3,651,604,145,559.
• As of 05/02/24 Veterans Care: $3,639,904,336,224.
• As of 05/09/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,355,794,892,293.
• As of 05/02/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,340,228,162,121.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Arise, then women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts. Whether our baptism be that of water or of tears. … From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of Justice. --Harriet Beecher Stowe

Famous Last Words: ...why, you. --Carmine Final scene of final LaVern and Shirley show.

..........Qu'est-ce que tu fais..........Donovan …..Jennifer Juniper

Mom, why do we need five fingers when there are only two buttons on the mouse? Smartphone, Smartphone on a stick, who's the fairest profile pic?

May Peace be your reveille
And Joy be your taps
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

mIscellaneous ePistle

 Famous First Words: All states, all powers that rule over men... Niccolo Machiavelli The Prince

Editor's Choice: Miscellaneous Jokes: Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. / The Internal Revenue Service called Rev. Smith; they asked if a certain person was a member of his congregation. “Yes” was the reply. “Did she donate $10,000 dollars to the church?” Rev Smith answered, “She will.”

..........Ya, better chase all your cares away.........Bing Crosby …..Get Happy

Our intent for this gathering was to protest some of the plans by members of the parliament which are targeting women's bodies and psyche. --Narges Mohammadi 2023 Nobel Laureate

It is a beautiful Friday morning. Neither cloud nor jet trail is visible in the pale blue sky. The temperature is 50°F and there is a breeze which the weather website says is two miles per hour from the southeast; The breeze however appears to be 7 or 8 miles an hour from the north. Hum, it must be Kansas. Several days of rain have left the world very green and very clean. Redwood fences and deep purple irises stand out in all the greens of the backyard. Puck has been out and now sleeps under my feet under my desk; while the rest of the household is either still asleep or already up and gone. I am sipping sweetened and creamed decaf savoring the taste with long slow sips that I hold in my mouth for a moment to make sure I enjoy it fully. As I am lighting a cone of incense, the neighborhood red shouldered hawk** stretches her wings on a bare willow branch far up the tall tree. She surveys the yards below and takes off towards the southeast with a swoop. Now that is an inspiring sight for my morning. **Red-shouldered Hawk Identification, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology

Hope your weekend is full of laughs, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sorry, but if we let people choose their own gender then what's next? Something else that's none of my business and doesn't harm me in any way? I mean where does it end? --amb of ks

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident to find a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?” “How should I know?” the driver responds, “I'm not a lawyer”. / When Tim Cook (Apple CEO) testifies in the Apple monopoly trial he will be an iWitness.

..........And the people in the houses all go to the university.........Pete Seeger …..Little Boxes

Trivia Questions: It's World Press Freedom Day.

• ^ What organization monitors freedom of the press worldwide?
• ^^ What has the United Nations done to promote freedom of the press?
• ^^^ How many journalists have been killed since 1993?
• ^^^^ How many journalists have died in the last 4 months in Gaza?
• ^^^^^ How many journalists have been murdered in the United States since 1993?

Big Hello: Caiu – Monégasque (Monaco) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: CK's new t-shirt: Anti-Racist Anti-Sexist Anti-Trump Pro Wine

Image of the Week: Kansas Tornado

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: No patron whose first words are “I have one question...” has ever had just one question. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

NBC's Moscow correspondent, Irving R Levine heard a Russian greet a friend with “Have you heard? Pravda is running a contest for the best political joke. The first prize is 20 years. / When I dropped my toothpaste, I was crestfallen.

..........When there's no destination that's too far........James Brown …..Living In America

Moonbeam: You'll never find a better sparring partner than adversity. --Goulda Meir

Blasphemy of the Week: A televangelist from Arkansas claims Satan is engineering Taylor Swift's marriage to Travgis Kelce so she can give birth to the antichrist and launch the apocalyptic thousand-year war against Christ. Details ~~What does that mean for the reigning antichrist?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Jim Vespe, of Mamaroneck, NY. Think of a major American corporation of the past (two words, 15 letters altogether.) Change the last three letters in the second word and you'll name something that will occur later this year. What is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/28/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You'd think that someone who is on trial for paying someone to keep their mouth shut would understand how a gag order works. --Submitted by ss of kc

At a Hollywood wedding reception, one woman remarked how lovely the star looked as a bride. Another guest said sweetly, “Oh, she's thrown more bridal bouquet than a starting pitcher for the LA Dodgers.” / Premature edraculation: turning into a vampire before being bitten

..........Those memories, those times I'm sure we'll never forget.........Engelbert Humperdinch …..Still

^ The Committee to Protect Journalists is an American independent non-profit, non-governmental organization, based in NYC, with correspondents around the world. CPJ promotes press freedom and defends the rights of journalists. (founded 1981) Committee to Protect Journalists – Defending Journalists Worldwide. - Committee to Protect Journalists (cpj.org)

Almanac: It is Friday, May 3, 2024. The moon moved into the last quarter last Wednesday (5/1) and is in Pisces. It is World Press Freedom Day, Garden Meditation Day, Hug Your Cat Day, Lumpy Rug Day, National Specially-abled Pets Day, National Two Different Colored Shoes Day, No Pants Day, Paranormal Day, Public Radio Day, and Tuba Day.

Among those born on this day were Niccolo Machiavelli (1469), Marcel Dupre (1886), Golda Meir (Meyerson, 1898), Walter Slezak (1902), Bing Crosby (Harry Lillis, 1903), Mary Astor (1906), William Inge (1913), Pete Seeger (1919), Sugar Ray Robinson (Walter Smith, 1920), James Brown (1928), Engelbert Humperdinck (Arnold Geroge Dorsey, 1936), Frankie Valli (Castelluccio, 1937), and Doug Hennings (1947).

On May third the Treaty of Loudun ended the French civil war (1616), Baily's Beads during an eclipse were first observed (1715), the first medical school in the US opened (Philadelphia, 1765), Washington, DC was incorporated (1802), Lord Byron swam the Hellespont (1810), Macon Bolling Alley became the first black lawyer admitted to the bar (1845), America's first passenger flight took off (NYC to Atlantic City, 1919), the US mint got its first female director (Nellie T Ross, 1933), Japan formed a constitutional democracy (1947), Most Happy Fella opened (1956), George Brett got his first major league hit (1973) and Kiss of the Spider Woman opened (1993).

Night Sky, 5/3: After sunset, use binoculars or a wide-field telescope to try for a last look at Jupiter. It's just above the west-northwest horizon in moderately bright twilight. If you succeed, you will be among the last few people on Earth to see the giant planet so close to the end of its 2023-24 apparition. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Ollie shows off his new haircut while Max shows off his tongue.

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: History Without Discomfort Is Propaganda --Submitted by ma of va

This Week: Saturday, May 4 – Free Comic Book Day & Intergalactic Star Wars Day & Home Brew Day

Night Sky, 5/4: Eta Aquariid meteor shower contains bits of the rubble stream shed by Halley's Comet, often presenting the best meteor display of the year for the Southern Hemisphere. But for us northerners the shower's radiant point is still quite low even as dawn begins. Nevertheless, meteor watchers in the southern US may catch the brief death streaks of a few Halley bits before dawn on May 5th and 6th.

Sunday, May 5 – African World Heritage Day & Cinco de Mayo & Silence the Shame Day & World Laughter Day

Monday, May 6 – Great Lakes Awareness Day & No Diet Day & No Homework Day

Tuesday, May 7 – Beaufort Wind Scale Day & Cosmopolitan Day & National Teacher Day & Spring Astronomy Day

Wednesday, May 8 – National Golf Day & Receptionists Day & Student Nurse Day

Night Sky, 5/8: Jupiter, magnitude –2.1, is very low above the west-southwest horizon in mid-twilight. Bring binoculars. It sets well before twilight ends. Uranus, magnitude 5.8, is lost in twilight near Jupiter.

Thursday, May 9 – Alphabet Magnet Day & National Sleepover Day

My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, he left some tools on my dresser including a hammer, screwdriver, and a chisel. The following morning, while I was in front of the dresser combing my hair, my teenage daughter walked in. She took one look at the dresser and asked, “Fixing your face?” / When I was at the coffee shop the other day they played Bolero. It took an entire eight minute for things to unravel.

..........What a very special time for me.........Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons …..December, 1963 (O What A Night)

^^ 30 years ago, the UN General Assembly proclaimed 3 May as World Press Freedom Day. The right to freedom of opinion and expression, press freedom, access to information and the pursuit of peace and sustainable development are closely interlinked...As we also commemorate the 75th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the 30th anniversary of the Vienna Declaration and Programme of Action, it is time to recognize the important contribution of the right to freedom of opinion and expression and freedom of information to the fulfillment of other human rights.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: For your peace of mind, do not try to understand everything. --Submitted by akb of kc

Moonbeam: Nobody is bored when trying to make something that is beautiful, or to discover something that is true. --William Inge

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Describing women who clean and run a house, look after multiple children, and source and prepare food for a spouse as “not working” is surely one of the most successful conspiracies of the 20^th century. --Submitted by 98%

Video of the Week: Pete Seeger: We Shall Overcome (3:42)

Killing, imprisoning, or denying the rights of a human being is not injustice against one person; it enchains and kills a whole society. --Narges Mohammadi

I was walking down the street the other day and I thought I saw Carol and Carol thought she saw me; but when we got up to each other, it wasn't either one of us. / I heard about a woman who puts snakes on her head to cure migraines. She said it's oddly medusinal.

..........Thought she would call my bluff.........Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons …..Big Girls Don't Cry

^^^ 1,668 journals have died for their profession since 1993. Observatory of Killed Journalists | UNESCO ~~This total is from 2023 that means that more than 55 professionals die per year on average.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you really think the environment is less important than the economy, try holding your breath while you count your money. --Guy PmcPherson --Submitted by bc of tx

Weird Word of the Week: Electroclash – yet another pop-musical genre. The word: World Wide Words: Electroclash The music: What Was Electroclash and Where Did it Go? - Roland Articles

Dragon of the Week: A dragon for Garden Meditation Day

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean chrome or stainless steel. Use Canada Dry Club Soda in a spray bottle. Canada Dry® Club Soda: Wacky Uses

One day a class of second-graders was discussing “What I want to be when I grow up. The teacher received a lot of usual replies...fireman...astronaut...ballerina. Then he asked a youngster deep in thought what she wanted to be. She frowned and replied, “I don't even know what I want to be for Halloween.” / Carla called her sheet music shop Score Store.

...........All the monkeys aren't in the zoo.........Bing Crosby …..Swinging On A Star

^^^^ 95 journalists and media workers have been killed in Gaza. More info

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I asked myself if I was crazy and we all said “no”,

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: 2024 DemiCon: Once More With Feeling (3-5, Des Moines, IA) Bringing back the themes from the 2020-21 virtual conventions DemiCon 35 – Des Moines' 35th Annual Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Gaming Convention

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Headache Society (IHS) 2024 iHEADS Scientific Program (3-4, Berlin Germany) ...acute and preventive management... IHS 2024 | Science - International Headache Society (ihs-headache.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: General Electric → General Election

A reporter covering the Iowa Senate wore a pair of slingback pumps on a day when it snowed, and the following day, a pleasant, dry one – she wore overshoes. A senator asked her about it. “It's the effect of being around the government, “ she replied, “I am now prepared for yesterday.” / Sorry, I just assumed that the king kept his armies up his sleevies.

..........Like sugar and spice..........James Brown …..You Got Me (I Feel Good)

^^^^^ 9 journalists have been killed within the borders of the United States. Observatory of Killed Journalists | UNESCO

Hint of the Week: A good law of history is that if you ever find yourself opposing a student movement while siding with the ruling class, you are wrong. Every single time. In every year. No matter the issue, --Submitted by 98%

Quote of the Week: Let me tell you something, if you are spending enough time to know the genitalia of the other people in a public bathroom...you're the creep. --Trevor Noah

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage. --Submitted by arh of mo

Today's Peace of History, May 3, 1968: More than 100 black students took over the Bursar's Office at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL for 36 hours. They demanded inclusion of African-American history, literature, and art in the curriculum.

My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches. No, he's not an athlete, he's an architect. / When I was young I wanted to be a dolphin; but as I got older my sense of porpoise faded away.

..........On a one way trip to the sun.........Engelbert Humperdenck …..After the Lovin'

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 3, 2024, ePistle mIscellaneous. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: You don't think. It's all instinct. If you stop to think, you're gone. --Sugar Ray Robinson

Cost of War:

• As of 05/02/24 State Department Costs: $235,045,862,294.
• As of 04/25/24 State Department Costs: $234,503,303.479.
• As of 05/02/24 Homeland Security: $1,167,015,372,680.
• As of 04/25/24 Homeland Security: $1,166,426,089,726.
• As of 05/02/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,215,611,053,340.
• As of 04/25/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,214,095,515,543.
• As of 05/02/24 Military Costs: $3,082,649,281,924.
• As of 05/02/24 Veterans Care: $3,639,904,336,224.
• As of 04/25/24 Veterans Care: $3,628,416,021,296.
• As of 04/25/24 Military Costs: $3,081,498,676,023.
• As of 05/02/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,340,228,162,121.
• As of 04/25/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,324,942,747,235.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

As a human rights defender, like millions of Iranians, I hate the death penalty. --Narges Mohammadi

Famous Last Words: His name was Molina. --Kiss of the Spider Woman

..........I'll see you in my dreams.........Pete Seeger …..Goodnight Irene

Singing quietly has never been my forte. / While I was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish, an elderly member of the congregation paid me a compliment by suggesting that my successor would not be as good as I had been. “Nonsense,” I replied, flattered. “No, really,“ she insisted. “I've lived here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the one before.”

May Peace scratch your itch
And Joy tickle your fancy
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

cHanged ePistle

Famous First Words: Now you've heard the rest. --Ma Rainey Black Bottom

Welcome to Numismatic or National Coin Week (21-27). It's a really good excuse for a bunch of coiny jokes and puns that make no cents. A dime and a quarter got into a theological argument; it seems they were from different denominations.

On a plane you can pick up more and better people than on any other public conveyance since the stagecoach --Anita Loos - Funny Lady Number 1

..........Sit and talk, face to face.........Brandy & Monica …..The Boy Is Mine ~~This is National Karaoke Week (21-27) and these are the 10 most popular Karaoke songs in the US according to Billboard. This is number 10

It's when we start working together that the real healing takes place...it's when we start spilling our sweat, and not our blood. --David Hume

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The willow is waving towards the northeast and the mulberry is just waving. Two sparrows are having a heated discussion accompanied by flitting about from limb to limb. The sky is gray and white and darker gray. I have returned from the Doctor – my regular doctor – who gave me prescriptions for blood tests and chest x-rays and an ekg. More appointments to make. Ah, now we are up to a whole quarrel of sparrows and lots of happy noise. A temperature of 67°F is a pleasant surprise in a world that looks like it might be cool and rainy. Puck is making sleep snorts as a counterpoint to sparrow music. I am sipping iced water and watching the day slide by. Key lime pie is the flavor of my candle and lemon flavors my cough drop (hence the chest x-ray). The sparrows fly away and I set down to send out ePistles.

Hope your weekend jingles all the way to Monday, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: In a Stephen Colbert interview with Crosby, Stills, and Nash (2008), Stephen asks if they wanted to apologise to President Nixon for saying such hateful things about him. Crosby and Stills said no and Graham Nash said, “If fact, when I saw him at his funeral, he was still lying.”

The right wing introduced legislation to outlaw breaking dollar bills because it would mean change. / An ailment unique to coin collectors is when all their coins look exactly the same to the collector. It's called coincidence.

When I was born I was so surprised that I didn't speak for a year and a half. --Gracie Allen Funny Lady Number 2

..........Turn around, bright eyes.........Bonnie Tyler …..Total Eclipse of the Heart #9

Trivia Questions: Happy National Pretzel Day!

• ^ Which state is the Pretzel State with 45 pretzel companies?
• ^^ How do pretzels get their shine?
• ^^^ How long have pretzels been around, anyway?
• ^^^^ When did they start automating pretzel making?
• ^^^^^ Just how popular are pretzels these days?

Big Hello: Hāan – Mon (Myanmar & Thailand) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Today I will be a ray of freaking sunshine. --Submitted by HPF

Image of the Week: This is the mulberry in the backyard. I've spoken of it often. It is going to be cut down in a couple of weeks because the roots are growing into the neighbor's sewer pipes. It is the tree where the sparrow family's flying lessons took place. It is the tree that attracted so many birds when it had fruit.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 98% of librarians are left speechless each week by something a patron says with a straight face. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I brought home some coins from my visit to Korea. But I've lost my Korean won. / George took iron tablets because he thought it would make him strong. One day he let out a big fart and there was a pile of coins in his pants. The wind of change.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. --Carol Burnett Funny Lady Number 3

..........I was the last one you thought you'd see there..........Garth Brooks …..Friends in Low Places #8

Moonbeam: It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. --Marcus Aurelius

Blasphemy of the Week: Why is it that when Christians want to eat shrimp and get a tattoo it's all “Jesus made a new covenant, so the old testament laws are over”. But when they want to persecute gay people it's suddenly “Leviticus this, and Deuteronomy that.” --Submitted by gr of oh

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Bruce DeViller, of Brookfield, IL. Think of a popular online service. Change the first letter to a Y and rearrange the result to get what this service provides. NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/21/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No! A responsible adult says “no” to non-euclidean space.

Fran was out hunting and was hit by a stray bullet but the quarters she had in her breast pocket diverted the bullet. From then on she called her change her “life savings”. / Now I know why they call it “going through the change”, not only do I have hot flashes and low energy but I also have a compulsion to put all coins into neat stacks by denomination.

Memory is more indelible than ink. --Anita Loos

..........Got stacks on deck like he savin' up.........Nikki Minaj …..Super Bass #7

^ Pretzel Pennsylvania: there are about 45 pretzel companies in the state, including Snyders of Hanover. That means about 80 percent of the pretzels sold in the US are made in Pennsylvania.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 26, 2024. The moon was full (Pink) last Tuesday (4/23) and is in Sagittarius. It is World Intellectual Property Day (WIPO), Richter Scale Day, National Pretzel Day, Hug an Australian Day, Audubon Day, National Kids and Pets Day, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, Bob Wills Weekend, Arbor Day, and National Hairball Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Marcus Aurelius (121), Marie de'Medici (1573), David Hume (1711), John James Audubon (1785), Delacroix (1798), Alice Cary (1820), Ma Rainey (1886), Anita Loos (1889), Rudolf Hess (1895), Gracie Allen (1906), A.E. Van Vogt (1912), Bernard Malamud (1914), I.M. Pei (1917), Carol Burnett (1933), Duane Eddy (1938), and Bobby Rydell (1942).

On April twenty-sixth Easter was celebrated for the first time (1478), Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn (1514), William Shakespeare was baptized (1564), the University of Innsbruck was formed (1677), the first smallpox vaccination was administered (1721), the Odd Fellows Lodge was established (1819), Grand Polonaise Brillante premiered (Chopin, 1835), Fenway Park saw its first homerun (1912), Madame Tussaud's waxworks opened in London (1928), the organ was first used at a baseball stadium (Cubs, 1941), Ariel was launched with the first international payload (1962), Red Auerbach retired (Celtics, 1966), Studio 54 opened (1977), Schwarzenegger married Shriver (1986), Chernobyl exploded (1986), and Ozzie Smith stole his 500th base (1992).

Night Sky, 4/26: This is the time of year when, as the last of twilight fades away, the dim Little Dipper extends straight to the right from Polaris. High above the end-stars of the Little Dipper's bowl, you'll find the end-stars of the Big Dipper's bowl. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys and their charcuterie

This Week: Saturday, April 27 – Independent Bookstore Day & National Dance Day & World Tapir Day

Sunday, April 28 – Deaf Parents Day & Save The Frogs Day & Workers Memorial Day

Night Sky, 4/28: These spring evenings, the long, dim sea serpent Hydra snakes almost level far across the southern sky. Find his head, a rather dim asterism about the width of your thumb at arm's length, in the southwest. It's almost halfway from Procyon to Regulus. Left or lower left of Hydra's head, by about a fist and a half, is orange, 2nd-magnitude Alphard, Hydra's lonely heart. Hydra's dim, irregular body and tail stretch all the way to Libra just rising in the southeast. He carries Crater and Corvus on his back.

Monday, April 29 – Peace Rose Day & World Wish Day & Zipper Day

Tuesday, April 30 – Beltane & Animal Advocacy Day & Bugs Bunny Day

Wednesday, May 1 - Beltane & Hug Your Cat Day & Law Day & May Day

Night Sky, 5/1: Mars and Saturn, both about magnitude +1.2, rise around the beginning of dawn. Look for them low above the east-southeast horizon about 45 minutes before sunrise.

Thursday, May 2 - US Capitol Police Day & World Password Day & World Tuna Day

I got a quarter as change at the coffee shop and I accidentally dropped it and it landed on its edge. Later when I was telling the story, I took it out and it happened again. It stood on its rim. We couldn't make heads nor tails of it. / I'm not a fan of the new King Charles coins; but then I've never cared for change.

This recipe is really silly. It says to separate two eggs but it does say how far to separate them. --Gracie Allen

..........And I'm here to remind you..........Alanis Morissette …..You Oughta Know #6

^^ Pretzels get their flavor and trademark shine from soaking the dough for about 30 to 60 seconds in sodium hydroxide (lye) before they're baked. It's a technique that's similar to how bagels are prepared.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. --Kurt Vonnegut --Submitted by jm of ks

Moonbeam: History is not ended. It will sooner or later pick up the threads apparently broken off forever and knit them together in a new pattern. --Rudolf Hess

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Max Azzarello who immolated himself outside the courthouse in NYC believed that Trump and Biden were conspiring together to bring about a fascist coup in the US.

Video of the Week: In honor of Bob Wills Weekend (25-27) Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys - San Antonio Rose (1973) (youtube.com)

It is seldom that liberty is lost all at one. --David Hume

Pirate crews were paid with the gold coins that they had pirated. They would bite them to make sure they were real. So criminals using bitcoin is an old and honored tradition. / Coin collectors who commit crimes are sent to the Pennyteniary.

No one ever said life was fair. Just eventful. --Carol Barnett

..........Aren't you tired trying to fill that void.........Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper …..Shallow #5

^^^ The world can thank a frustrated teacher with leftover bread dough for the invention of the soft pretzel. In 610 CE, while baking bread, an Italian monk decided to create a treat to motivate his distracted catechism students. He rolled out ropes of dough, twisted them to resemble hands crossed on the chest in prayer, and baked them. The monk christened his snacks "pretiola," Latin for "little reward." Parents who tasted their children's classroom treats referred to them as "brachiola," or "little arms." That works out to 1,414 years than pretzels have been around. Crunchy pretzels came in 1850.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wish I had enough money to discover that it doesn't make me happy. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Deasil - It means to move righthandwards, in the direction of the sun, clockwise. It now mainly conjures up associations with witchcraft, as it’s the much rarer converse of widdershins. World Wide Words: Deasil

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean and shine porcelain fixtures. Pour Canada Dry Club Soda over the fixtures. Canada Dry® Club Soda: Wacky Uses

Don't ever listen to your money; it rarely makes cents. / If Trump had to put a quarter in the jar every time he told a lie, we'd have enough money to pay off everyone's student loans.

...........Too late, my time has come.........Queen …..Bohemian Rhapsody #4

^^^^ Pretzels were made entirely by hand until 1935 when the first automated pretzel machine was created. That allowed factory bakers to mass-produce about 250 pretzels per minute.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian. --Submitted by FNOG

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Causeason (26-28, Beckley, WV) a pop culture convention Location - Causeacon®

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education and Law (26^th, NYC) International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education & Law (ICMSEL) in New York, USA - 26th April 2024 (conferencenext.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: venmo → money

I got a bitcoin once. Ick, it had teeth marks all over it. / Rachel tried to pay for her lunch with flatbread, but the cashier said, no more of this naan cents.

I really think that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing your hand can make you feel very good but a diamond and sapphire bracelet lasts forever. --Anita Loos

..........I should have changed that stupid lock.........Gloria Gaynor …..I Will Survive #3

^^^^^ The average US citizen consumes up to two pounds of pretzels per year, but Philadelphians snack on about 12 pound per person every year.

Hippy Update of the Week: So I just spent 3 hours at OrthoKansas. They took x-rays, a nurse obsessed over my high blood pressure (always high at the doctor's office, usually fine at home), showed me x-rays (I have no socket left, just flat bone and the ball is beginning to flatten), and scheduled my surgery for June 13^th. Then they gave me a list of other doctors I need to see pre-op (Dentist, my regular doctor, ekg, …) Dr Huston assured me that the pain would stop the very day I get a new hip and I would be able to walk that day too. That sounds so good. It hurts so much.

Quote of the Week: If you took the most ardent revolutionary, vested him in absolute power, within a year he would be worse than the Tsar himself. --Mikhail Bakunin

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Darling, I've stepped in puddles deeper than you.

Today's Peace of History April 26, 1954: The Geneva Conference began for the purpose of bringing to an end the conflicts in Korea and Indochina. This followed the defeat of the French in Vietnam at Dien Bien Phu. France had been trying to reassert colonial control over Indochina following World War II.

President Lincoln would never go to jail because he's in a cent. / If I got a Susan B Anthony dollar for every time I had no idea what was going on, I'd be wondering how I got all this money.

The president of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow. --Gracie Allen

..........Ain't nothing but a mistake.........Backstreet Boys …..I Want It That Way #2

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 26, 2024, cHangeD ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As I grew up I was fervently desirous of becoming acquainted with Nature. --John James Audubon

Cost of War:

• As of 04/25/24 State Department Costs: $234,503,303.479.
• As of 04/18/24 State Department Costs: $233,940,033,337.
• As of 04/25/24 Homeland Security: $1,166,426,089,726.
• As of 04/18/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,814,295,2400.
• As of 04/25/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,214,095,515,543.
• As of 04/18/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,212,522,318,43.
• As of 04/25/24 Veterans Care: $3,628,416,021,296.
• As of 04/18/24 Veterans Care: $3,616,492,344,198.
• As of 04/25/24 Military Costs: $3,081,498,676,023.
• As of 04/18/24 Military Costs: $3,080,304,253,604.
• As of 04/25/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,324,942,747,235.
• As of 04/18/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,309,075,151,571.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Nothing is more surprising than the easiness with which the many are governed by the few. --David Hume

Famous Last Words: Best time I ever had. --Carol Burnett Show sign off song: I've So Glad We Had This Time Together

..........No inhibitions, make no conditions.........Shania Twain …..Man I Feel Like A Woman #1

I just prefer the term mentally hilarious. --Carol Burnett

Has anyone actually put a proof coin into a bowl of pudding, you know, just to see? / Why did Australia get the criminals and the United States got the Puritans? Because Australia won the coin toss.

May Peace consume your fears
And Joy feed your hopes
prairie mama
christine

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