ePistle Topper

Famous First Words: Gem juletræet godt … (Save the Christmas tree well) Ibsen's Et dukkehjem

Happy Hat Day ! A dinosaur in a cowboy hat is called Tyrannosaurus Tex. / Hat puns are beanie-th me.

..........Sunshine left upon my face.........Richie Havens …..Morning, Morning

Peace has never come from dropping bombs. Real peace comes from enlightenment and educating people to behave more in a divine manner. --Carlos Santana

It is a frigid Friday morning. The sun is bright and working hard, the temperature has gone from 4° to 7°F since I got up. The sky is void of clouds and radiates a pale blue in the sunlight. Puck's outside water bowl is frozen solid and a round bowl shaped piece of ice remains beside it; it is from an earlier attempt to keep liquid in it. There is little wind to animate the willow branches that droop sadly when they can't dance. Birds are up and singing to the sun. We did not go for a walk in this cold, but I stand at the patio door while Puck does his business and barks a few times in case there are other dogs out; there don't seem to be. He returns quickly and drinks the somehow inferior indoor water and settles into the recliner for a morning nap. I doctor a cup of Vanilla Nut decaf but before I sit down, I find my sweater to ward off chill. My room is comfortable but the idea of cold is everywhere. Now the thought of writing to you warms me and makes me smile.

Hope your weekend knocks your hat off, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can't read all day....if you don't start in the morning.

Magicians wear top hats so the audience won't see their hare. / If you throw a white hat into the Red Sea it becomes wet. / A snake in a hard hat is called a boa constructor.

..........Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.........Richie Havens …..Freedom

Trivia Questions: Happy 223^rd Birthday to the Smallpox Vaccine

^ What exactly is smallpox?

^^ Would you like to guess how many cases of smallpox were reported each year in the 1950s?

^^^ When and/or where was the last case of smallpox?

^^^^ What was the criteria for declaring smallpox eradicated?

^^^^^ When did smallpox vaccination stop being routinely given?

Big Hello: Ndeewo – Igbo (Benin, Nigeria, Cameroon) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some people say the problem with Christianity is that it is not taught in schools. I think the problem with Christianity is that it is not taught in churches.

Max Picture of the Week: Max recreating Bell's geometrical kites – from the inside out

Meditation of the Week: Do the past and the future really exist?

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 18% of librarians are now having wordle nightmares. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Crazy hat ladies live in Mad-hat-tan. / When my boss wears his flag hat to work we call him supervisor.

..........She's wild warm and tender.........Mac Davis …..One Hell of a Woman

Moonbeam: Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control have already been born. --Benny Hill

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from Joseph Young, who conducts the blog "Puzzleria!" Let A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, etc. Think of a five-letter word whose letters' values add up to 51. Now take this word's last two letters. Add their values. (For example A and C would total 4.) Change these two letters to the single letter of the alphabet that represents their total. (In this case, D.) The result will be a new word that is the opposite of the original.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. --Franklin P Adams

Week of the Week: Hunt for Happiness Week (16-22) --When my daughter turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said: Euphoria. / A meme that produces joy and happiness is a dope-a-meme.

Frogs leave their hats in the croak-room. / You look so fedora-ble in that hat.

..........With my favorite jeans and a cheap guitar.........Mac Davis …..Texas in My Rear View Mirror

^ Smallpox is a systemic disease caused by infection with the Variola major virus, whose only reservoir was infected humans. The infection was usually transmitted via inhalation of droplets. After an average incubation period of 12 days, a high fever accompanied by non-specific general symptoms abruptly appeared. The fever then receded and a characteristic skin eruption appeared. Subsequently the fever rose again, and serious complications generally developed (pulmonary, cardio-circulatory, neurological, etc.), resulting in death in up to 50% of cases. Survivors who overcame this phase would see the rash resolving, leaving permanent scars. No effective therapy is available.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 21, 2022. The moon will be at the last quarter on Tuesday and is in Leo. It is International Sweatpants Day, National Cheesy Socks Day, National Hugging Day, and National Hug Your Puppy Day.. In Florida it is Arbor Day and in the Dominican Republic it is Nuestra Senora de Altagracia Day. Because it is the third, it is also Hat Day and International Fetish Day.

Among those born on this day were John Fremont (1813), Stonewall Jackson (1824), Christian Dior (1905), Paul Scofield (1922), Benny Hill (1924), Telly Savalas (1924), Steve Reeves (1926), Wolfman Jack (Bob Smith, 1938), Jack Nicklaus (1940), Placido Domingo (1941), Richie Havens (1941), Mac Davis (1942), Joseph Tanner (1950), Geena Davis (1957), and Hakeem Abdul Oljuwon (1963).

On January twenty-first The Power of Sympathy became the first novel published in the United States (1789), the smallpox vaccination was introduced (1799), Freedom Journal became the first black newspaper published in the US (1827), the envelope-folding machine was patented (1853), Ibsen's Et Dukkehjem premiered (Copenhagen, 1879), Wizard of Oz opened on Broadway (1903), Houdini escaped from the police station in Halvemaansteeg (1903), NYC outlawed smoking for women (1908), Kiwanis International was founded (Detroit, 1915), the first figure skating championships were held in the US (1939), Britian banned the Daily Worker (1941), the Bronx outlawed pinball machines (1942), T S Eliot's The Cocktail Party opened (1950), snow fell in San Francisco (1962), BB King donated his 7,000 record collection to Ole Miss (1987), Lorena Bobbitt was declared to have been temporarily insane when she chopped of her spouse's penis (1994), and Pope John Paul II visited Cuba (1998).

Night Sky 1/21: Now that the waning Moon doesn't rise until about 9 pm, is your early-evening sky dark enough for you to see the winter Milky Way? After dinner time it runs vertically from Canis Major low in the southeast, up between Orion and Gemini, through Auriga and Perseus overhead, and down through Cassiopeia, Cepheus, and Cygnus to the northwest horizon. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Winter storm Izzy in Charlotte, NC

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We don't need pictures of your back porch. It snowed. It's January. No one cares. --Submitted by INRITH

This Week: Saturday, January 22 – Answer Your Cat's Questions Day & Local Quilt Shop Day

Sunday, January 23 – National Handwriting Day & National Pie Day

Night Sky, 1/23: After dark, face east and look very high. The bright star there is Capella, the Goat Star. To the right of it, by a couple of finger-widths at arm's length, is a small, narrow triangle of 3rd and 4th magnitude stars known as "the Kids." Though they're not exactly eye-grabbing, they form a never-forgotten aster-ism with Capella.

Monday, January 24 – Belly Laugh Day & National Compliment Day & Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day

Tuesday, January 25 – A Room of One's Own Day & National Irish Coffee Day & Opposite Day

Wednesday, January 26 – Library Shelfie Day & National Green Juice Day

Night Sky, 1/26: Venus (magnitude –4.3) emerges into dawn view. Look for it low in the east-southeast about 45 or 30 minutes before sunrise. It gets higher every day. In a telescope or good binoculars it's a thin crescent, as it was a few weeks ago in the evening sky. But now it's getting thicker every day, not thinner.

Thursday, January 27: - Viet Nam Peace Day & Holocaust Memorial Day

Hat lovers have their own social media platform, it's called hat-tag. / I told dad that buying a new hat for a dollar is a small price toupee.

..........And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace.........Richie Havens …..Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands

^^ 1950s - Worldwide, 15 million cases of smallpox are reported each year.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: And if you are ever stopped for marijuana possession, it's recommended that you plead guilty to the lesser charge of trying to overthrow the US government. --Submitted by sb of ar

Moonbeam: Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. --Benny Hill

Strange Fact of the Week: When I was ten I fell off my bike and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because we didn’t have social media then.

Video of the Week: Plácido Domingo at the Arena di Verona https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjgfg9SvNWE

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Rich Parents: Animals just like people benefit from inherited wealth. For example, squirrels pass down their store of nuts to their children ... you know they're so like bragging about it at college, they're like I'm going to go visit my parents but in their summer tree. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/15/22

'Cause you and I know what love is worth. We're gonna build a heaven on Earth. --Eddie Money

You looked good in the beret but with this hat you'll be adora-bowler. / The queen should wear a teacup-shaped hat since she's royal-tea.

..........When I heard Jerry Lee Lewis singing.........Mac Davis …..Hooked on Music

^^^ 1977 - The last naturally occurring case of smallpox in the world occured in Somalia.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What a great time to be alive if you love the theater of the absurd. --David Lynch who turned 76 this week.

Weird Word of the Week: Catoptromancy – divination by means of mirrors. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-cat2.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie..Sometimes you need to dance barefoot on the table

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Maintain your septic tank. Flush one cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda down the toilet once a week. Baking soda helps maintain proper pH and alkalinity, controlling sulfide odors. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

It's a gnome fact that gnomes wear pointy beanie hats. / You can make any boat into a hat, just flip it over and it's cap sized.

...........A little more bite and a little less bark.........Mac Davis …..A Little Less Conversation

^^^^ 1979 - Smallpox met the criteria for eradication by having no natural cases for two years. 1980 - The World Health Organization announced the official eradication of smallpox.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Suffering is not a superpower. --Black Lives Matter - Lawrence

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConFusion 2022 (21-23, Detroit) Another year, another fabulous #ConFusionSF https://2022.confusionsf.org/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: My moods don't just swing. They bounce, pivot, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally, pirouette.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: AACR Special Conference: Precision Prevention, Early Detection, and Interception of Cancer 2022. (21-23, Austin, TX) It has been estimated that 50-60% of cancers could be prevented if known strategies were optimally employed. https://www.emedevents.com/c/medical-conferences-2022/precision-prevention-early-detection-and-interception-of-cancer

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Thick → Thin

My beer came with a hat, a bottle cap. / When coffee wears a hat it's called cap-a-ccino.

..........In the field of a make believe farm.........Mac Davis …..Biff, the Friendly Purple Bear

^^^^^ By 1972, the smallpox vaccine was no longer given routinely in the United States. As a result, most people born in the United States after 1972 have not been vaccinated against the disease. Some people have been vaccinated through the military or because they were part of Smallpox Response Teams that were formed after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

My Own Writing of the Week: It is said that the Kiowa people begin each prayer by holding up to the One-Who-Calls all the prayers that all Kiowa have uttered in the past. This second negotiation** meeting was such an invocation for me. All the meetings that had come before were held up again, meetings from years ago and from the inception. All the women who had asked for justice from the time the university was founded were with us. All the requests, the hurts and rejections small and large were there. These constituted our hidden agenda. I think we were all very aware of this at the time. --from An Act Surprising ...a memoir of a February Sister **The February Sisters negotiating with SENEX – 2/5/72

Quote of the Week: There is frequently more to be learned from the unexpected questions of a child than the discourses of men. --John Locke

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've been hiding from exercise. I'm in the fitness protection program.

Today's Peace of History, January 21, 1661: The Quaker (Society of Friends) Peace Testimony was presented to King Charles II of England. The testimony begins: "We utterly deny all outward wars and strife and fightings with outward weapons, for any end or under any pretence whatsoever. And this is our testimony to the whole world....”

After I walked home in the blizzard I found I was wearing an icecap. / All hats are top hats; if they were bottom hats, they'd be shoes.

..........For the old man is comin' just to carry you to freedom .........Richie Havens …..Follow The Drinking Gourd

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 21, 2022, ePistle Topper. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. --Benny Hill

Cost of War:

As of 1/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,942,287,582,459.

As of 1/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,939,914,250,810.

As of 1/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,095,122,932,855.

As of 1/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,907,353,403.

As of 1/20/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,859,267,217.

As of 1/13/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,299,846,283.

As of 1/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,030,744,542,734.

As of 1/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,029,182,240,182.

As of 1/20/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,238,569,272,067 .

As of 1/13/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,226,726,589,146 .

As of 1/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,475,587,847,612.

As of 1/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,459,827,585,773.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

To change the world you must first change your mind. --Jimi Hendrix

Famous Last Words: A little kiss on your ear. --Wolfman Jack in the movie American Graffiti

..........Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit.........Richie Havens …..Helplessly Hoping

Yo momma so fat the sorting hat put her in all the houses. / I have a nightgown with a matching bonnet; it's called a nightcap.

May Peace guide your future

And Joy lead your present

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistemic ePistle

 Famous First Words: Along with the Pilgrim Code of Law... Constitution of Connecticut 1639

It's World Logic Day! Logic 101 – Nothing is better than eternal happiness. A cheese sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness. / No one uses logic anymore; I miss the Godel days. / Some people ask ‘why’ to determine a motive, I ask ‘why’ because I don’t believe there’s any logical reason to do anything.” -Nietzsche on the habits of road crossing chickens

..........I got a girl but she won't be true..........Elmore James …..Shake Your Money Maker

Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind. --Albert Sweitzer

It is 4 am on a chilly Friday morning. Puck has been sick. He woke me up at 12:30 to let him out for a long drink and a pee and another long drink. He got in bed with me and coughed and coughed and coughed. Then, he woke me up again a little while ago to let him out again and while I was stumbling around in the dark, I stepped in dog vomit left on the clothes I had taken off and left on the floor by my bed. Puck is sleeping peacefully and I am wide awake, The clothes are rinsed and in the hamper. I just put on a pot of coffee and I'm smoking a joint while I wait. … Meanwhile: Omicron is so ubiquitous in Lawrence that the February Sisters Fiftieth Anniversary program has been postponed until April. That gives me a little more time to find another panelist who was in on the planning. AND We have a new car – brand new white Toyota Corolla. It smells like a new car and it has wonderful technology like a rear view screen when it's in reverse, and a gauge that tells how many miles you can go before you run out of gas. … ahhh. The creamy sweet decaf that soothes the soul and keeps me from yelling at my dog who looks so damned comfortable. Here's to a new day, must get better 'cause it can't get worse; it's only logical.

Hope your weekend goes right through logical to completely awesome, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teaching is the subtle art of shaping young minds without losing your own.

A professor in a logic class says “Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent” means, then raise your hand. A student raises her hand. The professor says, “Ah, yes. You know what it is?” The student answers, “No, why would you think so?” / Logic: The amount of people who don't know the difference between too and to is two damned high.

..........Great gosh a' mighty my baby tall.........Blue Brothers …..She Caught The Katy

Trivia Questions: Happy International Kite Day! I think the southern hemisphere thought this up – not kite flying weather here. Some statistics to guess at...

^ The fastest recorded speed of a kite?

^^ What is the largest number of kites flown in a single line?

^^^ What is the highest a single kite has ever reached?

^^^^ How big is the world's biggest kite?

^^^^^ How many kites are sold in the US in a year?

Big Hello: Halló – Icelandic https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think we need to invent a game called shatner: when someone yells “SHATNER” at you, you have to overact whatever you were currently doing.--Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Max and his very first snowman

Meditation of the Week: If there's any real truth, it's that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. --Douglas Adams

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: By weight, a librarian's clothes are 14% pet hair. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Three university employees decided to go to the nude beach. They are a history professor, a political science graduate assistant, and a lecturer in logic. They are sitting in the sand enjoying the sun when they see the dean of the school coming their way. The history teacher and the grad student quickly cover their groins with a newspaper while the logic professor covers his face with his towel. After the dean has passed by, the two ask the logic guy why he covered his face,, “she could clearly see your junk”. The logic lecturer replied, “yeah, but I'm mostly recognized by my face.”

..........It's in him and it got to come out.........John Lee Hooker …..Boogie Chillen

Moonbeam: We work to eat to get the strength to work to eat to get the strength to work. ---John Dos Passos

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener David Yanover, of South Pasadena, Calif. Take the name of a certain vegetable. Move the 7th, 5th, and 6th letters — in that order — to the front of the word. Phonetically you'll name another vegetable. What vegetables are these? NPR Puzzle Sunday 1/9/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Can we get whoever figured out how to mail 20 free AOL CDs to every man, woman, and child in the US out of retirement to get this test distribution thing under control? --Submitted by bd of ny

Week of the Week: National Mocktails Week (9-15) Mocktails: You suck so much, you need a straw. / You're as deep as a kiddie pool

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, 'Is it a boy or a girl?' The logician says, 'Yes.' / Don’t argue with the logic of a sonogram technician: It’s ultrasound.

..........Hidee hidee hidee hi hode hode hode ho.........Cab Calloway …..Minnie The Moocher

^ The fastest recorded speed of a kite is 120+ mph.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 14, 2022. The moon will be full (wolf) on Monday and is in Gemini. It is Bean Day, Caesarean Section Day, International Kite Day, Organize Your Home Day, and World Logic Day.

Among those born on this day were Angelo Notari (1566), Angelo Predieri (1655), Benedict Arnold (1741), Albert Schweitzer (1875), Hugh Lofting (1886), Hal Roach (1892), John dos Passos (1896), Cecil Beaton (1904), William Bendix (1906), Andy Rooney (1919), Guy Williams (1924), Julian Bond (1940), Faye Dunaway (1941), LL Cool J (James Todd Smith, 1968), and Dave Grohl (1969).

On January fourteenth Connecticut adopted its first constitution (1639), the clarinet was invented (Germany, 1690), the US ratified a peace treaty with England ending the Revolutionary War (1783), Maryland ratified the US constitution (1784), the Supreme Court ruled segregation by race on trains unconstitutional (1878), Tosca premiered (1900), Ford opened the first assembly line plant (1914), the Today Show premiered (Dave Garroway & Jack Lescoulie, 1952). Little Richard released Tutti Frutti (1956), first Human Be-In was (San Francisco, 1967), The Blues Brothers movie opened (1980), and The Simpsons premiered (1990).

Night Sky, 1/14: Zero-magnitude Capella high overhead, and equally bright Rigel in Orion's foot, have almost the same right ascension. This means they cross your sky’s meridian at almost exactly the same time: around 9 or 10 pm now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. So whenever Capella passes its very highest, Rigel always marks true south over your landscape, and vice versa. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Alexander Graham Bell created several geometric kites. This is one and this is where you can see pictures of others. Happy International Kite Day

This Week: Saturday, January 15 – Humanitarian Day & National Bagel Day & National Hat Day

Sunday, January 16 – Appreciate A Dragon Day & National Nothing Day & World Snow Day

Night Sky, 1/16: Here it is the coldest very bottom of the year, but the Summer Star, Vega, is still barely hanging in. Look for it twinkling over the northwest horizon during and shortly after nightfall. The farther north you are the higher it will be. If you're as far south as Florida, it's already gone.

Monday, January 17 – Martin Luther King, Jr Day & Judgment Day & Hot Heads Chili Day One

Tuesday, January 18 – National Disc Jockey Day & Pooh Day & Thesaurus Day

Wednesday, January 19 – Popcorn Day & Tin Can Day & World Quark Day

Night Sky, 1/19: Mars, in the feet of Ophiuchus, is low in the southeast in early dawn. It's far and faint at magnitude +1.5. To its right or upper right, Mars-colored Antares twinkles a little brighter at magnitude +1.0. Mars and Antares are nearly 10° apart on the morning of January 8th, widening to 13° by the 15th. Mars is on the far side of its orbit from us, so in a telescope it's just a tiny shimmering blob 4 arcseconds wide.

Thursday, January 20 – Penguin Awareness Day & Camcorder Day & Tech Day

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

..........The time will come when you'll be blue.........Hank Williams …..Your Cheatin' Heart

^^ The largest number of kites flown in a single line is 11,284. The record is held by a Japanese kite maker.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you think things are bad now, rumor has it that the next variant plays the accordion. --Submitted by jm of ??

Moonbeam: Life is to be used, not just held in the hand like a box of bonbons that nobody eats. --John Dos Passos

Strange Fact of the Week: When all this pandemic stuff is over, I still plan to wear a mask. It hides the perpetual look of annoyance I have for most people.

Video of the Week: It is Cuckoo Dancing Week (11-17) which celebrates the comedy of Laurel & Hardy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq9W-3OE5nM

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The first anniversary of a coup attempt is the pipe-bomb anniversary. We expect, based on what happened this week, this to become an annual tradition eventually with lots of bargains at the Macy's Insurrection Day Sale. And all the children waiting for Riot Claus to break a window and storm in with presents. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/8/22

I can do no other than be reverent before everything that is called life. I can do no other than to have compassion for all that is called life. --Albert Sweitzer

A Logical Conclusion: They say a camera adds 10 pounds. After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance. / How do you program a computer to make beef stew? You use bullion logic.

..........I'm waiting for your company.........Fats Domino …..I'm Walkin'

^^^ The record for the highest single kite flown is 2801 meters or 12,471 feet.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan? You take away their little brooms.

Weird Word of the Week: Backronym: a reverse acronym......A classic example is the Apgar score to test the health of newborns. It was named after physician Virginia Apgar but to help student doctors and nurses remember the system, it has been changed to the acronym “Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, and Respiration”.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie ignoring the snowman

Miracle of the Week: Jeff got a doctor's form to get a handicapped card that you can hang on the rear view mirror. We went to the county treasurer's office prepared for a day in the queue. There were 2 clerks, one was talking to a guy who had obviously finished his business and was chatting. The other clerk waved us in, and we were back out on the street in about 10 minutes. Wow!

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean Bathroom Tile. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub, and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Perfume is a very logical profession. It always makes scents. / Canadian COVID Logic: If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will)...you're too close.

...........Playin' games and takin' scores.........Aretha Franklin …..Think

^^^^ The largest kite in the world is the Megabite, 55.22 meters (630 square meters or 6,781.26 square feet) ~~I tried to find a picture of it, but I failed.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nelson was 5'4” tall. His statue in London is 16' tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Chattacon XLVII (14-16, Chattanooga, TN) --Chattacon is a convention for fans of science fiction and fantasy in all media https://chattacon.org/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Sometimes it takes all day for me to get nothing done.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference & Exhibition on Traditional & Alternative Medicine (14, Miami, FL) a global platform for researchers and academicians to ... nurture new ideas and innovations in science and technology. https://allconferencealert.net/eventdetails.php?id=1507929

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Kohlrabi --> brakohli --> broccoli

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish. I can't stop coming to conclusions. / My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions. I told him, correlation is not causation.

..........Rollin', rollin', rollin'..........The Blues Brothers …..Theme from Rawhide

^^^^^ There are over 50 million kites sold in the US every year.

My Own Writing of the Week: Apollo was a nickname I assigned to tall lovers. To some I revealed the sobriquet and with others it was my secret label. I had other lovers that weren't Apollos and weren't tall and I had a couple of tall lovers that did not earn the epithet. I do not know if it was their height that gave the Apollos that extra dollop of sexual zest or if it was their height that gave me an extra dollop of sexual desire; but the tall ones pretty much became Apollo.

I once woke up in the night next to a golden Apollo. He was lean and had golden brown hair just a tad longer than the fashion of the time. He slept beautifully, obviously oblivious of the lure that radiated from him. He practically glowed in the dark with it. I took a moment and propped on my arm to watch and meditate on his breathing. Umm Ummm Um

I thought it would be a delight for him to wake up rock hard in my mouth. So I carefully shifted around under the covers moving slowly and in tiny increments. Then, I began to make love to the source of the lucidly lurid energy. I started slowly from the bottom to the top making it wet, making it hard with my hands and my mouth and finally even with my hair. His cock was long and lean like his body and it responded deliciously.

After a while in this titillating eternity, his body shuttered softly but he did not move. A moment later, I heard his voice and I froze. "Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish...", he was mumbling. Shakespeare, really? Sonnets? Wanting no truck with lit-er-a-ture in the middle of the night or the middle of the blow job, for that matter, I returned to my savory chore and in exactly sixteen easy strokes arrived at the desired result. --from Always Surrender: Memories, Observations, Micro-stories, Fantasies, and Lies from my Life as an Insurgent in the Sexual Revolution

Quote of the Week: The border between the Real and the Unreal is not fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill. --Robert Anton Wilson --Submitted by MMS

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bats now use the term “Trumpshit Crazy” --Submitted by jm or??

Today's Peace of History, January 14, 1941: Philip Randolph, president of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters union, and widely considered de facto chief spokesperson for the African-American working class, called for a march on Washington, demanding racial integration of the military and equal access to defense-industry jobs.

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb? One... But it takes him 10 damned episodes./ What's the most logical building in the USA? The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

..........Baby, don't you want to go.........The Blues Brothers …..Sweet Home Chicago

Masthead of the Week: Friday January 14, 2022, ePistemic ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If there is a special Hades for writers it would be in the forced contemplation of their own works. --John Dos Passos

Cost of War:

As of 1/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,939,914,250,810.

As of 1/06/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,941,101,147,060.

As of 1/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,907,353,403.

As of 1/06/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,094,515,254,907.

As of 1/13/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,299,846,283.

As of 1/06/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $167,740,205,350.

As of 1/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,029,182,240,182.

As of 1/06/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,027,618,011,594.

As of 1/13/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,226,726,589,146 .

As of 1/06/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,214,878,196,642 .

As of 1/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,459,827,585,773.

As of 1/06/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,444,060,054,960.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The demands of Jesus are difficult because they require us to do something extraordinary. At the same time He asks us to regard these [acts of goodness] as something usual, ordinary.compassion for all that is called life. --Albert Sweitzer

Famous Last Words: Peace. --Dave Garroway sign off for the Today Show

..........Bugsy turned to Shifty and he said, “Nix nix” …......The Blues Brothers with James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin and the “crew” …..Jailhouse Rock ~~All of today's songs are from The Blues Brothers soundtrack.

Logical fallacies are annoying. Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying. / I must have a fetish for circular logic because I just came to this conclusion.

May Peace quiet your soul

And Joy color your mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Flinty ePistle

 Famous First Words: I was twenty years old when they stopped the world war... The first Buck Rogers comic strip 1/7/1929

Happy Old Rock Day! The geologist spent several months in Ireland looking for gemstones. Alas, all he found were sham rocks. / And Old Rockers... Peter Townsend has one of the shortest wills ever written. “Being of sound mind, I spent all the money.” / And Rocking Chairs... I put skates on my rocking chair so I could rock and roll.

..........Now there's only one place that was meant for me........The Band …..Rockin' Chair

Justice, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. --Zora Neale Hurston

It is a frigid Friday morning. 8°F with 7 mph winds have kept us from our morning walk. The neighborhood is peppered with snow – solid on the sidewalks but tucked into the grass in lawns. The sky is laced with fluffy white clouds with the occasional bird flying high in the morning sun. I raise the blinds on my window so I can watch a squirrel chase up and down the willow trunk – perhaps hunting for a hole filled with nuts. The snow has melted off the shed roof but the patio is still snowy with tiny paw prints – Puck and the rabbits that live under the shed. I take a long sip of Cafe Carmel decaf (umm. Earlier in the week I had decided that I liked Vanilla Nut better, but now, I'm not so sure.) and put music on low. Wow, a little incense and I'm in a hippie flashback. Of course, best of all, I get to write to you. Happy New Year, ePistliers

Hope your weekend rocks, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cutting Libraries in a recession is like cutting Hospitals in a plague. ~~Haven't we done that?

Mountains are made of old rock. They aren't funny; they are hill areas. / Jerry Lee Lewis defined “good old days” as days when I wasn't good and I wasn't old”. / Young man moved to Vermont. Everyday on his way to work he saw an old man sitting on his porch rocking in his rocking chair and smoking his pipe. Everyday. After a few months, he stopped and spoke to the man who only answered in short sentences with short words. Finally he asked, have you spent your whole life sitting on the porch, rocking and smoking? The man answered, “not yet”.

..........On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.........Simon & Garfunkel …..I Am A Rock

Trivia Questions: It's Bald Eagle Appreciation Days !!

^ Do you have any idea what either of the subspecies of the bald eagle are?

^^ Where on earth do bald eagles hang out?

^^^ Bald eagles build the biggest nests. How big are they?

^^^^ Female bald eagles are generally bigger than the males. How much bigger?

^^^^^ How many bald eagles are there in the wild, more or less?

Big Hello: Jó napot kívánok – Hungarian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the Dog with their respective stockings

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't tell me about your childhood problems. I was forced to watch Lawrence Welk as a kid. --Submitted by cj of ks

Meditation of the Week: I'm an evolved chemical byproduct that tragically achieved self awareness. --Submitted by NS

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 20% of librarian's Christmas spirit is gin. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Joe is like metamorphic rock, he changes under pressure. / Chubby Checker can't remember the words to Oo Oo Oo / A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the US while specific countries do Mo-roccan.

..........Gonna bust this rock, boy, from here to the Macon.........Odetta …..Waterboy

Moonbeam: Maybe journey is not so much a journey ahead, or a journey into space, but a journey into presence. --Nelle Morton

Puzzle of the Week: Take the phrase "sick sunbather." Rearrange the 13 letters to name a famous song from the 1960s. It's a song everyone knows. --NPR Puzzle Sunday 4/10/05

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There's a time each winter when things go from magical to miserable. They call it “January”. --Maxine --Submitted by ab of kc

Week of the Week: National Personal Trainer Awareness Week (1-8) -- I asked a personal trainer, “Do you need to eat eggs to get jacked?” He said, “No, whey!”. / I told my personal trainer he was ripped and so he grabbed a clean shirt.

You can pick up sedimentary rock really cheap; it's on shale. / Elton John says that regular naps can prevent old age, particularly if you take them while driving. / I think my friend might have been married in a rocking chair. He always claims that his wife rocks.

..........If you want to ride, you got to ride it like you find it.........Johnny Cash …..Rock Island Line

^ The bald eagle has 2 subspecies, Southern Bald Eagle (H.I. leucocephalus) and the Northern Bald Eagle (H.I. washingtoniensis).

Almanac: It is Friday, January 7, 2022. The moon will be in the first quarter on Sunday and is in Pisces. It is Harlem Globetrotter's Day, I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore Day, Old Rock Day, Orthodox Christmas, National Bobblehead Day, and National Tempura Day. It is also day one of Bald Eagle Appreciation Days (7-9).

Among those born on this day were Millard Filmore (1800), Adolph Zukor (1873), Zora Neale Hurston (1891), Nella Morton (1905), Butterfly McQueen (Thelma, 1911), Charles Addams (1912), Albert Meltzer (1920), William Peter Blatty (1928), Eldee Young (1936), Paul Revere (1942), Leona Williams (1943), Kenny Loggins (1948), Katie Couric (1957), Kathy Valentine (1959), Nicholas Cage (1964), Doug E Doug (1969), and Dustin Diamond (1977).

On January seventh Boris Godunov seized the Russian throne (1598), Galileo discovered a moon of Jupiter (Io, 1610), Francis Bacon became lord chancellor of England (1618), the typewriter was patented (1714), the first balloon flight across the English Channel took place (1785), the US conducted its first presidential election (1789), the US colonized Liberia (1822), Rossini's Stabat Mater premiered (Paris, 1842), the fountain pen was patented (1890), the Harlem Globetrotters played their first game (Hinckley, IL, 1927), the Orchard Lake Curling Club played its first game (1932), Buck Rogers became the first science fiction comic strip (1929), Tarzan became the first adventure comic strip (1929), the first photos of genes were taken (1949), Hank Snow first appeared on the Grand Ole Opry (1950), Marian Anderson became the first black singer at the Met (1955), first class postage rose from 4 to 5 cents (1963), and the Dance Theatre of Harlem debuted (1966).

Night Sky, 1/7: Mercury is at greatest elongation, 19° east of the Sun. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Winter Olympics 2022 start in less than a month in Beijing

This Week: Saturday, January 8 – Argyle Day & Eagle Day & Midwife's Day & National Vision Board Day

Sunday, January 9 – Balloon Ascension Day & National Cassoulet Day & National Sunday Supper Day

Night Sky, 1/9: After dinner time now, the enormous Andromeda-Pegasus complex runs from near the zenith way down toward the western horizon. Just west of the zenith, spot Andromeda's high foot: 2nd-magnitude Gamma Andromedae (Almach), slightly orange. Andromeda is standing on her head. About halfway down from the zenith to the west horizon is the Great Square of Pegasus, balancing on one corner.

Monday, January 10 – Bodhi Day & League of Nations Day & Plow Monday

Tuesday, January 11 – Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day & National Poetry at Work Day

Wednesday, January 12 – Kiss A Ginger Day & National Hot Tea Day

Night Sky, 1/12 : Mercury and brighter Venus begin the week very low in the west-southwest in twilight. Mercury, magnitude –0.7, glimmers 7° left of Venus that evening. Then as January gets going, Venus drops away to leave Mercury shining alone, approaching Saturn.

Thursday, January 13 – Korean American Day & Public Radio Broadcasting Day & Rubber Ducky Day

These rocks are gneiss, do not take them for granite. / David Crosby is so old even flowers scare him. / I hooked a stereo up to my recliner. Now it's a rocking chair.

..........Take some time and learn how to play.........The Byrds …..So You Want To Be A Rock'n'Roll Star

^^ The bald eagle's range includes most of Canada and Alaska, all of the contiguous United States, and northern Mexico

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order...AS THEY SHOULD BE --Submitted by PsyDe

Moonbeam: And the sad truth is that nobody wants me to write comedy. The Exorcist not only ended that career, it expunged all memory of its existence. --William Peter Blatty

Strange Fact of the Week: Theme parks can snap a crystal-clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

Video of the Week: Eagles and their nests https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUg-bNpcVr8

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: That was a man named Scott Kelly. He was speaking on Tuesday right before he headed home after breaking the American record for spending the longest time ever at the International Space Station. Very big deal, we've heard a lot about it. NASA live-streamed the reentry of a spaceship. Millions of Americans tuned in. They mistakenly believed the capsule contained Matt Damon returning from Mars. Damn. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/5/16

Learning without wisdom is a load of books on a donkey's back. --Zora Neale Hurston

The athletic geologist was on the cover of Quartz Illustrated. / Bob Dylan is so old his back pages go out more than he does. / My best friend is a rocking chair. We go way back.

..........Where the lemonade springs and the bluebird sings.........Burl Ives …..Big Rock Candy Mountain

^^^ On average, bald eagle nests are 2-4 feet deep and 4-5 feet wide. (see above video of the week)

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I still don't get how anyone thinks homelessness is an issue for the police to solve, instead of an issue for a house to solve. --Submitted by ff of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Abacot – the name of an ancient cap of state worn by the kings of England. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-aba1.htm ~~Here's King Henry VI wearing one.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie with his stocking

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: after giving it careful thought I have decided to become worse. --Submitted by Nihilistic Shitposters

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a fiberglass bathtub or shower. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub, and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

I like dating geologists; they're very down to earth. / The Rolling Stones are so old that these days all their chairs are rocking. / My electric rocking chair needs an emergency off switch.

...........They all want me to rock them like my back ain't got no bone.........Bonnie Raitt …..Love Me Like A Man

^^^^ Male bald eagles weigh about 25% less than females.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard --Submitted by RHOZ

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fan Expo New Orleans (7-9) ...experience the ultimate playground for comics, sci-fi, horror, anime, and gaming. https://fanexpohq.com/fanexponeworleans/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: It was me. I let the dogs out.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: World Conference on Soil, Water, Energy and Air (8^th, Detroit, MI) --The Organizing Committee welcomes participants from all over the world who are interested in developing professional ties to and/or exploring career opportunities in the region. http://eurasiaweb.com/Conference/28285/EUWCSWEA/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Sick Sunbather → Back in the USSR

Luke's cousin, Suzy Skywalker was a geologist. She wrote a book on it called May The Quartz Be With You. / Mick Jagger will always live through his music but he would rather be immortal by not dying. / Geologists like to retire to their rocking chairs.

..........Let's call this song exactly what it is..........Aretha Franklin …..Rock Steady

^^^^^ Scientists from the Migratory Bird Program estimate there are about 316,700 bald eagles in the lower 48 states.~~Apparently Canadian eagles don't count.

My Own Writing of the Week: Boring College Boy Archetypes: There was that nice young man from Emporia State whose name I don't remember so I'll call him the farmer.. He was a good Kansas farm boy, a real farmer, not like the hippies that were raised in the suburbs and wanted to “get back to the land”. Bless their hearts, they had no idea how much work that would be. The farmer used to say "Set me free!" when he was running up on euphoria. "O, baby, yes, yes, set me free, yes, set me free!" At the time, I thought I knew what he meant; now, I haven't a clue. We traveled together across Kansas through Oklahoma. I am so sorry I don't remember his name. He was an excellent traveling companion. I hope wherever he is he is free. --from Always Surrender: Memories, Observations, Micro-stories, Fantasies, and Lies from my Life as an Insurgent in the Sexual Revolution

Extra Special Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone just called me Normal...I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

Quote of the Week: Why do people say, “Grow some balls?” … Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. --Betty White. ~~Goodbye, Betty, and thanks for all the great television.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Making me laugh so hard that I pee my pants isn't the accomplishment it once was. --Submitted by Thoughts From Aisle 4

Today's Peace of History, January 7, 1971: The US District Court of Appeals ordered William Ruckelshaus, the Environmental Protection Agency's first administrator, to begin the de-registration procedure for DDT so that it could no longer be used

What did the diamond say to the copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don't talc. / Fabian is so old he resents the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated because it has fewer articles to read. / I bought a rocking chair. It keeps playing Black Sabbath.

..........Let me hide myself in thee.........Amy Grant …..Rock of Ages

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 7, 2022, Flinty ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: I never learned anything when I was talking. --Katie Couric

Cost of War: As of 1/6/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,939,914,250,810.

As of 12/30/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,938,756,451,329.

As of 1/6/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,907,353,403.

As of 12/30/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,092,709,430,830.

As of 1/6/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $167,740,205,350.

As of 12/30/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $167,194,236,876.

As of 1/6/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,027,618,011,594.

As of 12/30/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,026,094,177,894.

As of 1/621 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,214,878,196,642 .

As of 12/30/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,203,318,175,168 .

As of 1/6/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,444,060,054,960.

As of 12/30/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,428,679,774,665.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Grab the broom of anger and drive off the beast of fear. --Zora Neale Hurston

Famous Last Words: ...follow Tarzan into the beckoning jungle! --The last line of the last Tarzan comic strip (7/29/72)

..........In the bosom of Abraham.........Louis Armstrong …..Rock My Soul

I went hiking with my geologist friend. He didn't find a single rock to bring home. I think he wanted it to be boulder. / Willie Nelson is so old he only took up jogging to hear heavy breathing again. / O, no. Someone stole my rocking chair. I'm not going to take this sitting down.

May Peace be your gravel

And Joy be your boulder

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: