An ePistle Like You*

 Famous First Words: Dans l'essaim nébuleux des constellations –Anatole France À la lumière (In the nebulous swarm of constellations)

Happy Birthday, Mr. Amis: Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way. --Kingsley Amis / If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing. --Kingsley Amis

..........I'm gonna fish my life away..........Cool Papa Sadler …..Shady Spot By The River

Peace would be a fantastic product, So good that if it was for sale it would always be on backorder. --Unknown

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky is gravelly gray with little wind involved. Very green trees stand very still in the diminished light of a hidden sun. The idea of rain is palpable but no drops fall. The 49° F temperature denies the chill that is implied by gloom. The earth smells dry; an anticipation of spring rain rises in little whiffs with the dusty aroma. A robin moves in tiny hops across Bruno's lawn but the birdsong comes from unseen songster to the south.. A red headed woodpecker walks up the willow's truck and disappears. And I sit at my window, sipping creamy coffee, and watching it all with the same anticipation as the earth itself. Join me...

Hope your fun is squared on Foursquare Weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I watched a documentary on mushrooms last night. That's probably how I'll watch all documentaries from now on. --Submitted by HPF

Death has this much to be said for it: You don't have to get out of bed for it. Wherever you happen to be, they bring it to you—free. --Kingsley Amis / Laziness has become the chief characteristic of journalism, displacing incompetence. --Kingsley Amis

….......I hate to see that evening sun go down.........Herbie Mann …..St Louis Blues

* Among Kingsley Amis' books is the title Take A Girl Like You

Trivia Questions: April is Donate Life Month

^ Any idea what three types of body parts can be donated?

^^ Care to guess how many life saving donations have been made since 1988?

^^^ How many men, women, and children are currently waiting for a life saving donation?

^^^^ About how many people die every day while waiting.

^^^^^ How many people can a single donor help?

Big Hello: Salute – Corsican https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I'm having a bad day, I simply remind myself of one thing: Donald Trump isn't president, Then I cheer up. --Stephen King

Third Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Basically, English is what happens when Vikings learn Latin and use it to shout at Germans. --Submitted by gr of oh

Max Picture of the Week: Max is in the dog house

Some things you should know about this picture: a) He climbed into the dog crate himself. He was not put there by anyone else. b) He closed the door himself. c) He is barking for some human to give him dog treats.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 34% of librarians have repurposed all those old magazine boxes to hide boxes of wine throughout the library. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children. --Kingsley Amis / He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. --Kingsley Amis

..........Old dream maker, you heart breaker.........Henry Mancini …..Moon River

Moonbeam: It is possible to fly without motors, but not without knowledge and skill. --Wilbur Wright

Meditation Seed of the Week: Why not? What would happen?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If God hates gays, how come we're so cute?

Week of the Week: National Dance Week (16-25) --The owl's favorite dance is the hooooola. / Netflix is thinking of airing a new dance show for horses called So You Think You Can Prance?

It is natural and harmless in English to use a preposition to end a sentence with. --Kingsley Amis / When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the plough boy find treasure we must be told. But when the plough boy farts..er...keep it to yourself. --Kingsley Amis

..........Softer than satin was the light.........Bobby Venton …..Blue Velvet

^ Organ, Eye, and Tissue can all be donated. What Can Be Donated | Organ Donor

Almanac: It is Friday, April 16, 2021. The moon will be new on the 20^th and is in Gemini. It is Emancipation Day, Foursquare Day, National Bean Counter Day, National Donate Life (Blue and Green) Day, National Healthcare Decisions Day, National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day, National Orchid Day, Save The Elephant Day, and World Voice Day. Because it is the first workday after Income Taxes are due it is National Stress Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Clement XII (1652), John Hadley (1682), Giovanni Tupolo (1696), Ford Maddox Brown (1821),John A Neuhuys (1832), Anatole France (1844), Herbert Baxter Adams (1850), Wilbur Wright (1867), John Millington Synge (1871), Charlie Chaplin (1889), Marian Jordan (Molly McGee, 1891), Lily Pons (1904), Coby Molenaar (1906), William Stearn (1911), Peter Ustinov (1921), Kingsley Amis (1922), Henry Mancini (1924), Herbie Mann (1930), Edie Adams (1931), Bobby Vinton (1935), Cool Papa Sadler (1935), John DeLaFose (1939), Margrethe II (1940), Gerry Rafferty (1947), Ellen Barkin (1955), David Brown (1956), and Martin Lawrence (1965).

On April sixteenth Queen Anne knighted Isaac Newton (1705), Liszt's Mazeppa premiered (1854), Slavery was abolished in DC (1862), Annie Oakley set a record by shooting 100 clay targets in a row (1922), MLB first used numbers on their uniforms (Yankees, 1929), Fibber McGee & Molly first aired (1935), two giant pandas arrived in the US (Ling-Ling & Hsing-Hsing, 1972), Apollo 15 was launched (1972), and Arthur Ashe retired (1980).

Night Sky, 4/16: The waxing crescent Moon this evening forms a quadrilateral with Mars above it and Beta and fainter Zeta Tauri to the sides. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Kalama is a crocheter. Cool.

This Week: Saturday, April 17 – Bat Appreciation Day & Herbalist Day & National Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet Day

Sunday, April 18 – Animal Cracker Day & Pinata Day & World Amateur Radio Day

Night Sky, 4/18: Arcturus ascends the eastern sky, Capella (its close match for brightness) is coming down in the northwest. They stand at exactly the same height above your horizon at some moment between about 9 and 10 pm daylight-saving time, depending mostly on how far east or west you live in your time zone.

Monday, April 19 – Bicycle Day & National Garlic Day & National Poker Day

Tuesday, April 20 – Chinese Language Day & National Pot Smokers Day

Wednesday, April 21 – Bulldogs are Beautiful Day & Kindergarten Day & National Yellow Bat Day

Night Sky, 4/21: Lyrids Meteor Shower The Lyrids don't produce a whole lot of meteors, perhaps 10 to 15 per hour, but are more likely to include bright, dramatic fireballs than other major showers.

Thursday, April 22 – Earth Day & National Jelly Bean Day & Girl Scout Leaders Day

It's never pleasant to have one's unquestioning beliefs put in their historical context, as I know from experience, I can assure you. --Kingsley Amis / Wives and such are constantly filling up any refrigerator they have a claim on, even its ice-compartment, with irrelevant rubbish like food. --Kingsley Amis

..........Well, another crazy day.........Gerry Rafferty …..Baker Street

^^ 750,000 transplants have taken place since 1988.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This year 4/20 falls on Taco Tuesday. This is it people. This is what we've been training for. --Submitted by sb of ks

Moonbeam: There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. --John Millington Synge

Late Night Snacks of the Week: This war’s been going on so long, Biden’s been trying to get the troops out since he was just ‘regular’ old. Now he’s ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme’ old. --Stephen Colbert / “Biden is getting criticism from people who say if America leaves Afghanistan then it will become a failed state, and that is a real danger. But on the other hand, America has been there for 20 years — is it supposed to stay there forever? Because if that is going to be the case, then I mean, America should at least make Afghanistan a US state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore — they are just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day.” — Trevor Noah / During his remarks, Biden announced that withdrawal would begin on May 1. When the troops get home, they’re gonna be like, ‘Why are all the bars closed?’ — Jimmy Fallon

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie, his Au Pair, the space needle, and obligatory rain clouds

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The company, though, that is in the real middle of all this is Major League Baseball, right? Because now you're having Republicans coming out and saying they're not going to watch baseball games. It makes sense, of course, that baseball would be the center of a political logjam because baseball is basically the filibuster of sports. But it's...It's so strange to see what this has forced Republicans to do. They're so angry at Coke, even the Koch brothers have changed their name to the Pepsi brothers. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 4/10/21

Peace is cheaper. --unknown

The real trouble with liars...was that there could never be any guarantee against their occasionally telling the truth. --Kingsley Amis / A German wine label is one of the things life's too short for. --Kingsley Amis

..........Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.........Gerry Rafferty …..Stuck In The Middle With You

^^^ 100,000 people are on transplant waiting lists.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Oh, no, not U2 again?”

Weird Word of the Week: Immensikoff – a fur-lined overcoat. World Wide Words: Immensikoff

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Kill plant lice on African violets. Spray Albert VO5 Hair Spray into a plastic bag (not directly onto the plant, Place the bag over the plant, secure shut with a twist tie, and let sit overnight. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from Joseph Young of St. Cloud, MN. Take the singular and plural forms of a particular noun. Remove the first two letters of the singular form and you'll name a country. Remove one letter from inside the plural form to name another country. What words and countries are these? NPR Sunday Puzzler 12/10/17

If you want to behave better and feel better, the only absolutely certain method is drinking less. But to find out how to do that, you will have to find a more expert expert than I shall ever be. --Kingsley Amis / Cats are only human, they have their faults. --Kingsley Amis

...........When the moon played.........Lily Pons …..L'air des Clochettes (Lakmé)

^^^^ On average, 20 people die every day from the lack of available organs for transplant.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 983 from LA to Tokyo. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Tulkon (16-18, Tulsa) –Where all who wander are not lost. Tulkon ~~On the other hand, if they're in Tulsa, they may actually be lost.

Actual Science Convention of the Week: International Conference on Mathematical Logic, Deduction and Reasoning (15-16, Cape Town) International Conference on Mathematical Logic, Deduction and Reasoning ICMLDR in April 2021 in Cape Town (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Yeoman, yeomen --> Oman, Yemen

You want to finish the evening with your usual number of fingers, do any cutting-up, peel-slicing and the like before you have had more than a couple of drinks, preferably before your first. --Kingsley Amis / America takes her writers too seriously. --Kingsley Amis

..........I get no letters in the mail.......Bobby Vinton …..Mr Lonely

^^^^^ One deceased donor can save up to 8 lives through organ donation and can save and/or enhance more than 100 lives through tissue donation. Even Superheroes Need Help Sometimes - American Transplant Foundation

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The sweet, small, clumsy feet of April came into the ragged meadow of my soul. --e e cummings

Today's Peace of History, April, 16, 1971: The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) estimated over 2,000 people openly refused to pay part or all of their income tax. “If a thousand [people] were not to pay their tax bills this year, that would not be a violent and bloody measure, as it would be to pay them and enable the state to commit violence and shed innocent blood.” --Henry David Thoreau on the Mexican War

There is no end to the ways in which nice things are nicer than nasty ones. --Kingsley Amis / Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in. --Kingsley Amis

..........Well, it's goin' be rainin' outdoors.........Cool Papa Sadler …..Come On In My Kitchen

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 16, 2021, An ePistle Like You. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Life – ride it until the wheels fall off. --Martin Lawrence

Cost of War:

As of 4/15/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,121,748,656,588.

As of 4/8/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,119,753,837,761.

As of 4/15/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,030,887,508,037.

As of 4/8/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,029,531,826,443.

As of 4/15/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $845,629,816,753.

As of 4/8/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $842,238,469,911.

As of 4/15/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $347,824,931,391.

As of 4/8/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $347,437,700,118.

As of 4/15/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,346,091,659,622.

As of 4/8/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,340,649,014,396.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

What the world needs is a group hug. --unknown

Famous Last Words: Where you go from here is a choice I leave to you. --final line from The Matrix released 4/16/99

..........I can only give you love that lasts forever..........Edie Adams …..That's All

No pleasure is worth giving up for the sake of two more years in a geriatric home at Weston-super-Mare. --Kingsley Amis / If you are using an adverb, you have got the verb wrong. --Kingsley Amis

May Peace give you strength

And Joy give you resilience

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Mythic ePistle

 Famous First Words: An act to protect all Persons... Civil Rights Act 1866

It's National Unicorn Day! Remember: Never play Leapfrog with a unicorn. / For breakfast unicorns eat Lucky Charms.

..........The cats get hip and holler, ooh-ooh man alive..........Carl Perkins …..Pink Pedal Pushers

As an artist I come to sing, but as a citizen, I will always speak for peace, and no one can silence me in this. --Paul Robeson

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sun is shining in a cloudless blue sky. The temperature is cool (43°F) but promises more warmth as the sun climbs higher. There is little breeze to move the hanging willow branches that look like green Spanish moss. Even the big old pin oak is breaking out in a yellow foliage that looks like fuzzy baby hair. Yesterday's rain has made every blade of grass and flower stalk shine with its own unique green. Birds are flying in and out of trees. They are too busy to stop on the wire and talk or just take in the scene. But they do sing as they flutter about...several songs that neither fit together as a choir, nor descend into cacophony. The ground is wet and smells of spring and promise. I take several deep breaths of it to cheer my soul and renew my spirit. But, at last, I return indoors to sit at my computer, drink my doctored decaf and write to you.

Hope your weekend is so good it's mythical, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad a decision can it really be?

The unicorns that live next door to me call their dad Pop Corn. / Junior Unicorn wanted to join the school band and wear a uniform.

..........Two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate.........Tom Lehrer …..The Vatican Rag

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Civil Rights Act of 1866!

^ Any idea when the act actually became law?

^^ What basic rights did the law grant?

^^^ Care to guess what the full title of the bill was? (Note it's 23 words long so if you get any of them, you get points.)

^^^^ What aspect of US citizenship, as established in this act, has been the subject of debate in recent discussions about immigration?

^^^^^ How did it go?

Big Hello: Dydh da - Cornish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A really smart television would adjust the volume when you eat chips. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the really, really long cast

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 42% of library users have a pen they "got” at the library. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Why are unicorn jokes so silly? They're uni-corny. / The criminal element in unicorn society usually ends up in unicourt.

..........Havin' some fun tonight..........Carl Perkins …..Long Tall Sally

Moonbeam: A couple of hanging glands have nothing to do with making someone a man. --Cynthia Nixon

Meditation Seed of the Week: What did you learn today (this week, at this event, from this)?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you feel like you're behind in life, just remember, Matt Gaetz didn't get a high school girlfriend until he was almost 40. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Week of the Week: National Library Week (4-10) --That ghost comes back to the library everyday and checks out more books because she goes through them so quickly. / The reason you can't find the book you need is because the last patron who had it shelved it himself to save the librarians a few steps.

Unicorns never horse around – they get right to the point. / Unicorn children ride unicycles to the park.

..........There's Sulfur, Californium and Fermium..........Tom Lehrer …..The Elements Song

^ The Act was passed by Congress in 1865 and vetoed by President Andrew Johnson. In April 1866 Congress again passed the bill to support the Thirteenth Amendment, and Johnson again vetoed it, but a two-thirds majority in each chamber overrode the veto to allow it to become law without presidential signature.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 9, 2021. The moon will be new on Sunday and is in Pisces. It is Appomattox Day, Jenkins Ear Day, National Cherish An Antique Day, National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day, National Unicorn Day, and Winston Churchill Day. Because it is the second Friday it is also National Dive Bar Day.

Among those born on this day were Charles-Pierre Baudelaire (1821), Leopold II, King of Belgians (1835), Helena Lange (1848), Charles Holroyd (1861), Efrem Zimbalist (1889), Paul Robeson (1898), Ward Bond (1903), J William Fulbright (1905), Abraham Ribicoff (1910), Hugh Hefner (1926), Tom Lehrer (1928), Carl Perkins (1932), Paul Krassner (1932), Jean-Paul Belmondo (1933), Avery Schreiber (1935), Gene Parsons (1944), Kenneth Cockrell (1950), Dennis Quaid (1954), and Cynthia Nixon (1966).

On April ninth Milan/Venice signed the Peace of Lode (1454), Spain/Netherlands signed the 12 Year Resistant Pace (1809), first public art exhibition opened (Paris, 1667), the first tax supported public library opened (NH, 1833), the National Gallery opened (London, 1838), the Civil Rights Bill passed over President Andrew Johnson's veto (1866), O'Casey's Shadow of a Gunman premiered (Dublin, 1923), Sacco & Vanzetti were sentenced to death (1927), O'Neill's Lazarus Laughed premiered (Pasadena, 1928), Bob Hope first appeared on television (1950), the Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping (1957), Martin Luther King, Jr was buried (Atlanta, 1968), Paul McCartney announced the official split of the Beatles (1970), Microsoft released MS-DOS 5.0 (1991), and the Endeavour (STS-59) was launched into orbit (1994).

Night Sky, 4/9: Vega, the bright "Summer Star," rises in the northeast late these evenings. Exactly where should you watch for it to come up? Spot the Big Dipper almost overhead in the northeast. Look at Mizar at the bend of its handle. If you can see Mizar's tiny, close companion Alcor (binoculars show it easily), follow a line from Mizar through Alcor all the way down to the horizon. That's where Vega will make its appearance. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Fagradalsfjall erupting in Iceland

This Week: Saturday, April 10 – Baby Massage Day & National Farm Animals Day & Slow Art Day

Sunday, April 11 – Barbershop Quartet Day & National Clean Up Your Pantry Day & National Pet Day

Night Sky, 4/11: By late evening the Sickle of Leo stands nearly vertical high in the south. Its bottom star is Regulus, the brightest of Leo. Leo himself is walking westward. The Sickle forms his front leg, chest, mane, and part of his head. Off to the left, a long right triangle forms his hind end and long tail.

Monday, April 12 – Big Wind Day & Walk On Your Wild Side Day & Day 1 of Ramadan

Tuesday, April 13 – Make Lunch Count Day & National Be Kind to Lawyers Day & Scrabble Day

Wednesday, April 14 – International Moment of Laughter Day & National Dolphin Day & National Guarding Day

Night Sky, 4/14: Jupiter and Saturn have been emerging into dawn view for the last month. Look for them low in the southeast about 60 to 40 minutes before your local sunrise time. Saturn is the higher of the two, but it's much dimmer. Find Jupiter some 12° to Saturn's lower left: roughly a fist at arm's length.

Thursday, April 15 – Jackie Robinson Day & Take a Wild Guess Day & World Art Day

Usually this is also Income Tax Day but due to the pandemic or whatever, 2021 Income Tax Day is May 17th

Lost Count of the Funniest Things I Read of the Week: Patience is the ability to let your light shine even after your fuse has blown. --Submitted by HPF

A unicorn with no horn is called a eunichorn. / After the storm my unicorn galloped somewhere over the rainbow.

..........Lace curtains blowing on a river's breeze.........Dennis Quaid …..Closer To You

^^ The Civil Rights Act of 1866 said that any citizen has the same right that a white citizen has to make and enforce contracts, sue and be sued, give evidence in court, and inherit, purchase, lease, sell, hold, and convey real and personal property. Additionally, the act guaranteed to all citizens the "full and equal benefit of all laws and proceedings for the security of person and property, as is enjoyed by white citizens, and ... like punishment, pains, and penalties..." Persons who denied these rights on account of race or previous enslavement were guilty of a misdemeanor and upon conviction faced a fine not exceeding $1,000, or imprisonment not exceeding one year, or both.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone trying on summer clothes. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: For years, reality has been nipping at the heels of satire. Now, it's finally caught up. I don't need to make this stuff up. --Paul Krassner

Late Night Snacks of the Week: “It is so blatantly racist that it’s been dubbed ‘Jim Crow 2.0.’ 2.0, really? Georgia’s passed so many voter-suppression measures, they’ve got to be up to at least Jim Crow Snow Leopard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT / Pence is thinking of naming his memoir Fifty Shade of White. — JIMMY FALLON / “And honestly you’ve got to feel for the G.O.P., because they spend so much time defending corporate interests, trying to cut corporate taxes, letting corporations do whatever they want, and then the corporations are just like, ‘Cool, now we have more money to pay Colin Kaepernick.’” — TREVOR NOAH / “Many of the fans were defiantly maskless. I like that adult men will go to a baseball stadium and wear a glove the whole game, for the one in 98,000 chance they might catch a foul ball. But a mask? No way, out of the question!” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie auditioning to be the Cadbury Bunny

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: All right, Jon, here's your first question. When our robots rise up and murder us, they'll have good reason. Which of these is a job formerly done by a human that we now make a robot do - A, the Fidobot, a tiny robot that follows around dogs with little baggies, so you don't have to, B, the Mobot, a robot that painstakingly edits out all of Mo Rocca's thousands of wrong guesses on this show...or, C, the Robutt, a robotic rectum used to help doctors train to give exams? --Faith Salie Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 7/38/18 ~~The answer was C: Robutt.

Yes, peace can and must be won, to save the world from the terrible destruction of World War III. --Paul Robeson

Enus the Unicorn displayed the produce from her garden with a unicornicopia. / Uriah Unicorn learned to play unicordian and joined a polka band.

..........We've all got our own funny moods...........Dennis Quaid …..If You Don't Know By Now

^^^ The full title is: An Act to protect all Persons in the United States in their Civil Rights and liberties, and furnish the Means of their Vindication.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some days the supply of available swear words are insufficient to meet my demands. --Submitted by cf of ??

Weird Word of the Week: Hodmandod – a snail From the Middle English dodden to make the top of something bare World Wide Words: Hodmandod

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean ink stains from a laminated surface. Spray the ink mark with Alberto VO5 Hair Spray and wipe clean. The acetone in hair spray removes permanent marker from a laminated surface. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Greg VanMechelen, of Berkeley, Calif. Name something birds do. Put the last sound of this word at the start and the first sound at the end, and phonetically you'll name something else birds do. What are these things? NPR Sunday Puzzler 4/4/21

If you cross a unicorn and a cow you get horned beef. / There's a big Uno tournament in Unicorntown.

...........anyway you do..........Carl Perkins …..That's Alright, Mama

^^^^ With an incipit of "An Act to protect all Persons in the United States in their Civil Rights, and furnish the Means of their vindication", the act declared that all people born in the United States who are not subject to any foreign power are entitled to be citizens, without regard to race, color, or previous condition of slavery or involuntary servitude. A similar provision (called the Citizenship Clause) was written a few months later into the proposed Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I went outside to check the garden. I felt something cold and wet on my arm. I looked down and saw a mosquito using a disinfectant wipe on me. --Submitted by FIFD Funny is as Funny does

Science Fiction Convention Joke of the Week: Star Trek conventions always give away a prize. The winner is determined by a hat draw from everyone who bought a convention ticket. It's called the enter prize.

Actual Science Convention Joke of the Week: At an Astrophysics Convention in Texas the lights went out. Immediately a debate started about whether this was the dark energy or a dark matter.

Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, April 9, 1981: Members of the Bigstone Cree band of indigenous people ended a 250-mile march to the capital, Edmonton, to highlight their economic plight in northern Alberta, Canada.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Chirp and perch.

Unicorns go to Unicornivals to ride the merry-go-round. / What's the difference between a unicorn and an honest politician? Nothing, they're both fictional characters.

..........spreading joy wherever he goes.........Tom Lehrer …..The Old Dope Peddler

^^^^^ The activities of groups such as the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) undermined the act, meaning that it failed to immediately secure the civil rights of African Americans. While it has been de jure illegal in the U.S. to discriminate in employment and housing on the basis of race since 1866, federal penalties were not provided for until the second half of the 20th century (with the passage of related civil rights legislation), which meant remedies were left to the individuals involved: because those being discriminated against had limited or no access to legal assistance, this often left many victims of discrimination without recourse. There have been an increasing number of remedies provided under this act since the second half of the 20th century, including the landmark Jones v. Mayer and Sullivan v. Little Hunting Park, Inc. decisions in 1968

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Welcome to spring where no matter what jacket you pick, you're wrong. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Second Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, April 9, 1947: The first freedom ride, the "Journey of Reconciliation," left Washington, D.C. to travel through four states of the upper South.In response to a Supreme Court decision (Morgan v. Virginia) outlawing segregation on interstate busses, the group of both black and white Americans rode together despite “Jim Crow” state laws making it illegal.

You can tell if unicorns have been in your refrigerator, there's glitter in the jello. / Unicorns love to run mare-athons.

..........It don't take much lookin' to see what I got..........Carl Perkins …..Glad All Over

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 9, 2021, Mythic ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith, dovedrop@gmail.com Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: With George McGovern we wouldn’t have Gestapo tactics in the streets of Chicago. --Abraham Ribicoff

Cost of War:

As of 4/8/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,119,753,837,761.

As of 4/1/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,117,779,298,200.

As of 4/8/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,029,531,826,443.

As of 4/1/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,028,189,758,197.

As of 4/8/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $843,925,822,496.

As of 4/1/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $842,238,469,911.

As of 4/8/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $347,437,700,118.

As of 4/1/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $347,054,181,432.

As of 4/8/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,340,649,014,396.

As of 4/1/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,335,262,354,516.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We must join with tens of millions all over the world who see in peace our most sacred responsibility. --Paul Robeson

Famous Last Words: Men Forget! --(Caligula) Eugene O'Neill, Lazarus Laughed

..........When Alabama gets the bomb.........Tom Lehrer …..Who's Next

What's black and white and eats like a unicorn? A Zebra. / A Unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. --Ron Sexsmith

May Peace stick with you like glitter

And Joy come to you in a rainbow of colors

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle Mustela

 Famous First Words: In Goldenfield, Iowa... Tennessee Williams Small Craft Warnings

Happy National Ferret Day ! If you ask me, ferrets are nothing but hipster weasels. --Stephenc Colbert / Ferris Ferret bit you and now you're mad? Get o'ferret.

..........Let”s live.........Marvin Gaye …..Let's Get It On

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake. --Jeannette Rankin

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The sun is bright and the sky is without cloud and yet is dusty and not quite true blue. There is a breeze that makes the willow branches dance and insists that I notice the 42°F temperature. The world is cheerfully green with grass and adolescent iris plants and emerging tree leaves. Puck has been out to lecture any squirrel thinking of dropping into our yard and warning any rabbit to build nests somewhere else. Bird song is distant and indistinct and dog barks are intermittent but sharp and clear. The world smells of spring, of new growth, of exposed soil, with just a hint of floral. I am eating a blueberry muffin and watching the lazy willow waltz out my back window when a bird (small and dark) dive bombs something on the surface that I cannot see and leaves by an unseen northern path. What's more, this absolutely wonderful morning is about to get better because I'm writing to you. Hope your weekend makes you ferret your troubles, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The closest I get to a spa day is when the steam from the dishwasher hits me in the face. --Submitted by #RHOZ

My friend Ida owns 3 ferrets. They got together and started a small business. / A man and his pet ferret walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my ferret. The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the ferret falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a ferret.”

..........Sing me a love song........Leon Russell …..Lady Blue

Trivia Questions: It is International Children's Book Day

^ Any idea what, who, or when the very first book for children was published?

^^ Which 1943 book is the all time children's best seller?

^^^ Know what awards are given by the American Library Association for children's literature

^^^^ What is considered the favorite child's book of all time?

^^^^^ Who is/was the richest children's book author?

Big Hello: Marúawe – Comanche https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was thirsty and you gave me drink. Matthew 25:35 Offer not valid in Georgia

Max Picture of the Week: Max, a broken leg, the splint, and his white ice cream.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: A roll of book tape will fix 32% of all library problems. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

What do you call a ferret with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can’t hear you! / The only thing we have to fear is ferret elf..

..........But all that it can show me is the prairie and the sky........Emmylou Harris …..Boulder to Birmingham

Moonbeam: Myth is, after all, the never-ending story. –Joan Vinge

Meditation Seed of the Week: What were you doing when you felt most passionate and alive?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I may look fine but deep down I don't remember any of my passwords.

Week of the Week: Laugh At Work Week (1-7) –I get plenty of exercise – I jump to conclusions, push my luck, and dodge deadlines. / We have enough youth, how about a Fountain of Smart?

Sometimes life isn't ferret at all. / Weasels go to the county fair to ride the Ferrets Wheel.

..........It gets stronger and stronger........Marvin Gaye …..Sexual Healing

^ In 1744, John Newbery published A Little Pretty Pocket-Book. The volume was heralded as the true first book intended for children's pleasure reading.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 2, 2021. The moon will be last quarter on Sunday and is in Capricorn. It is International Children's Book Day, National Ferret Day, National Love Your Produce Manager Day, National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day, Nickelodeon Day, Reconciliation Day, World Autism Day, and World Autism Acceptance Day. Because it is the First Friday it is Hospital Admitting Clerks Day and International Kids Yoga Day. And because it is Good Friday it is also World Marbles Day.

Among those born on this day were Charlemagne (742), Francesco Grimaldi (1618), Casanova (1725), Hans Christian Andersen (1805), Emile Zola (1840), Nicholas Murray Butler (1862), Walter Chrysler (1875), Max Ernst (1891), Buddy Ebsen (1908), Alec Guinness (de Cuffe, 1914), Jack Webb (1920), Marvin Gaye Jr (1939), Leon Russell (Lawton, KS, 1941), Emmylou Harris (1947), Joan Vinge (1948), Victoria Jackson (1959), and Rodney King (1965).

On April second Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain (1513), the Philadelphia mint was established (1792), Fizeau and Foucault took the first photos of the sun (1845), citizens revolted over the price of bread in Richmond (VA, 1863), the first White House Easter egg roll was held (1877), the first motion picture theater opened (LA, 1902), the Cairo-Capetown railway opened (1905), Jeannette Rankin became the first women member of the US House of Representatives (1917), Mary Hirsch became the first woman licensed as a horse trainer (1935), Luna 4 was launched but missed the moon (1963), Dark Shadows aired its final episode (1971), and William's Small Craft Warnings premiered (1972).

Night Sky, 4/2: Shortly after the end of twilight around this time of year, Arcturus, the bright Spring Star climbing in the east, stands just as high as Sirius, the brighter Winter Star descending in the southwest (for skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes). These are the two brightest stars in the sky at the time. But Capella is a very close runner-up to Arcturus! Spot it high in the northwest. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image Sound of the Week: This tune was painted onto the backside of a resident of hell in Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights. Hieronymus Bosch Butt Music - YouTube The butt in question is in the lower right hand corner under a giant lute.

This Week: Saturday, April 3 – Tangible Karma Day & Weed Out Hate Day & Find A Rainbow Day

Sunday, April 4 – Easter & Geologists Day & National Move More Day

Night Sky, 4/4: This is the time of year when the dim Little Dipper juts to the right from Polaris (the Little Dipper's handle-end) during late evening. The much brighter Big Dipper curls over high above it, "dumping water" into it. They do the reverse water dump in the fall.

Monday, April 5 – National Deep Dish Pizza Day & Read A Road Map Day & Tater Day (Sweet)

Tuesday, April 6 – Charlie The Tuna Day & National Library Day & New Beers Eve

Wednesday, April 7 – National Beer Day & International Beaver Day & Metric System Day

Night Sky, 4/7: The huge, bright Winter Hexagon is still in view early after dark, filling the sky to the southwest and west. Start with brilliant Sirius in the southwest, the Hexagon's lower left corner. High above Sirius is Procyon. From there look higher upper right for Pollux and Castor (lined up nearly horizontal), lower right from Castor to Menkalinan and then bright Capella, lower left from there to Aldebaran (past Mars), lower left to Rigel at the bottom of Orion, and back to Sirius. The Hexagon is somewhat distended. But if you draw a line through its middle from Capella to Sirius, the "Hexagon" is fairly symmetric with respect to that axis.

Thursday, April 8 – Buddha Day & Draw A Bird Day & Trading Cards For Grownups Day

Silence is golden unless you have ferrets, then it's just suspicious. / Be yourself. Unless you can be a ferret, then be the best ferret you can be.

..........There are concrete mountains in the city........Leon Russell …..Delta Lady

^^ The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry) has sold about 140 million copies. That is 20 million more than Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and 40 million more than Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The ship stuck in the Suez Canal is blocking so much important and useful stuff that they have decided to rename it “McConnell”. --Submitted by rk of ks

Moonbeam: If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud. --Emile Zola

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Mark Gaetz, who represents parts of western Florida and has been a staunch backer of the former president’s baseless election fraud claims, is basically the shrimp tail in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch, He’s not well-liked by anyone. --Jimmy Kimmel --Everyone else is on vacation

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie showing off 2 fully functional legs

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: When Louis DeJoy was appointed to be postmaster general under the last president, he denied widespread accusations that he was trying to destroy the post office. So this week, he triumphantly unveiled his new management plan, saying, now I'm trying to destroy the post office. The 10-year plan is called, of course, Delivering for America. And it calls for innovations such as longer delivery times, higher prices and shorter office hours. He tried to work in a provision calling for mail carriers to pee on your lawn as they walked by, but that would require having to let them drink on the job, so he didn't want to do that. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 3/27/21

If they are going to have war, they ought to take the old men and leave the young to propagate the race. --Jeannette Rankin

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.” / What did the grape say when the ferret stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

..........'Cause tonight I'm gonna see my machez amio........Emmylou Harris …..Jambalaya

^^^ The ALA presents the Newberry Medal to the author of America's Best Children's Book of the Year. They also present the Caldecott Medal for Best Illustrated Children's Book of the Year.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket. --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Garth – open courtyard enclosed by cloisters. World Wide Words: Garth

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove ink stains from clothes, upholstery, carpet, vinyl, or skin. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the affected area, and blot with a paper towel or soft cloth until the stain comes up. The acetone in Alberto VO5 Hair Spray removes indelible marker and ballpoint pen marks. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: Name a boy's nickname in three letters. Name another boy's nickname in four letters. Say the names out loud, one after the other. The result, phonetically, will be a familiar two-word phrase for someone who is good looking. The phrase is an entry in Merriam-Webster's 11th Collegiate Dictionary. What phrase is this? Public Radio Sunday Puzzle 4/23/06

Why did the ferret cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done! / On Independence Day mustelids watch ferretworks.

...........Like she's slidin' down the walls of Jericho........Emmylou Harris …..Sweetheart of the Rodeo

^^^^ Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown is considered to be the world's favorite child's book. In a soothing, repetitive tone, a young rabbit says goodnight to all the things in the room. Instead of plot,Goodnight Moon looks at the world from the eyes of a very young child, calming children with the ritual of naming each object around them.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bikini season is just around the corner, but so is the taco truck.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat. --Robert Heinlein

Actual Science Joke of the Week: The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. --Neil deGrasse Tyson

Small Rant of the Week: Biden told us that wearing a mask is not political. I agree with that. In the same speech, however, he said, “wear the mask, it's your patriotic duty”. Sigh. You can't haven't both ways. If it is a patriotic duty then it is political. And if it isn't political then it is community duty, or compassionate duty, or even a moral duty but not patriotic. ~~Anyway, what about us matriots?

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ike + Andy=Eye Candy

People who own ferrets never wonder what happened to that missing sock. / I always give my ferret coca cola because I was told that pop goes to the weasel.

..........You don't have to hurry........Marvin Gaye …..Ain't No Mountain High Enough

^^^^^ JK Rowling (the Harry Potter books) is estimated to be worth $650 million to 1.2 billion.

Mustela: Mustelids are a diverse group of weaselly mammals

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian. It's the least I could do for him. --Lynn Miclea

Today's Peace of History, April 2, 1931: 17-year-old Jackie Mitchell, the second woman to play baseball in the all-male minor leagues, pitched an exhibition game against the Yankees and struck out both Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig. The next day, the Baseball Commissioner voided her contract, claiming baseball was too strenuous for women. The ban was not overturned until 1992.

What do you call a ferret that can pick up an elephant? Sir / Ferrets favor fashions by Ferretti.

..........One side's ice and one is fire........Leon Russell …..Tight Rope

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 2, 2021, ePistle Mustela. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: To know another language is to have a second soul. --Charlemagne, King of the Franks

Cost of War:

As of 4/1/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,117,779,298,200.

As of 3/25/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,115,795,906,911.

As of 4/1/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,028,189,758,197.

As of 3/25/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,026,841,818,315.

As of 4/1/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $842,238,469,911.

As of 3/25/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $840,543,920,221.

As of 4/1/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $347,054,181,432.

As of 3/25/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $346,669,052,117.

As of 4/1/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,335,262,354,516.

As of 3/25/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,329,851,360,335.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There can be no compromise with war; it cannot be reformed or controlled; cannot be disciplined into decency or codified into common sense. --Jeannette Rankin

Famous Last Words: ...but a memory of the distant past. --Narrator final scene Dark Shadows

..........Was I just off somewhere or just too high........Emmylou Harris …..Goodbye

Education is important but ferrets are importanter. / It's impawssible for a ferret to resist taking your stuff. / In the choir Wally Weasel sings ferretone.

May Peace make your Friday Good

And Joy renew your weekend

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: