Entropic ePistle

 Famous First Words: I, Pigasus, hereby announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States. --Jerry Ruben, 1968 About Pigasus

Happy Senior Citizen's Day! I'm old enough to make my own decisions and too old to remember what I decided. / I just realized that I am only 3 months younger than Keith Richards.

..........And let me sing for ever more..........Count Basie …..Fly Me To The Moon

Do your little bit of good where you are; it is those little bits of good put all together that overwhelm the world. --Desmond Tutu

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The rising sun is filtered through a wrinkly, bubbly cloud that shades us as we sit waiting for people at our yard sale. 69°F is neither warm nor cool and allows enjoyment of the fresh air smelling of growth and summer. There is no breeze to move the willow branches. A soundless meadowlark flies to the neighbor's sunflower and stops at each flower before flitting across in street and into an oak tree. Puck sat with us until people showed up but he barked too much and had to be sent inside. At the moment there is no crowd and so I have sneaked away to write to you. So there is not only the joy of the writing but the joy of it being “on the sly”,

May you and your weekend be forever young, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's the difference between being assertive and being aggressive? Your gender --Submitted by ss of mo

You don't get smarter as you get older. There is just less stupid stuff left that you haven't already done. / It's Poets Day: Here are a few of the world's worst rhyming couplets. Slowly walking down the hall, Faster than a cannonball --Oasis Champagne Supernova

..........I may be wrong, but I won't be wrong always..........Count Basie …..Boogie Woogie

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Hawaii

^ How many of the 8 major Hawaian islands can you name?

^^ Any idea what the state fish is?

^^^ Hawaii has 3 of the top 10 wettest places on earth. Can you name any?

^^^^ What do they call a Hula Dancing School?

^^^^^ Which island gets the most tourists?

Big Hello: Ola -Aragonese (Spain) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm thankful for the Foo Fighters because I've never felt threatened by a foo and that means they're doing a heck of a job on the front lines. --Submitted by INRITH

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: ‪70% of librarians totally did the whole "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" thing in high school except just stayed home to read‬. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I know I've still got it but I have gotten a prescription to get rid of it. / Y'all enjoy those 20's, 30's, and 50's because in your 50's that check engine light is gonna come on.

..........the pretty little poppy..........Count Basie …..One O'clock Jump

Moonbeam: I have as much privacy as a goldfish in a bowl. --Princess Margaret

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Home grown tomato

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Science Fact: A dog gets more factual information from sniffing another dog's ass than a human does from watching Fox News. --Submitted by pl of hi

Week of the Week: National Chef's Appreciation Week (16-22) --Bakers do earn the majority of their income in the morning. They make most of their dough at yeast by a leaven o'clock.

I must have misheard. I thought they said “older and wiser” but all I got was “older and wider”. / World's worst rhyming couplets: War is stupid and people are stupid Culture Club The War Song

..........And soft summer nights..........Count Basie …..It Was A Very Good Year

^ 1) Hawai'i – the Big Island 2) Maui -Valley Island 3) Oahu -The Gathering Place 4) Kauai – The Garden Isle 5) Molokai – The Friendly Island 6) Lanai – Pineapple Isle 7) Nihau – The Forbidden Isle 8) Kahoolawe – The Target Isle

Almanac: It is Friday, August 21, 2020. The moon will be first quarter on Monday. and is in Libra. It is Men's Grooming Day, National Spumoni Day, Poet's Day, and Senior Citizen's Day. Hawaii celebrates Admission Day (1959).

Among those born on this day were Hubert Gautier (1660), Augustin-Louis (1789), Aubrey Beardsley (1872), Friz Freleng (1906), William "Count" Basie (1906), Nancy Kulp (1921), Chris Schenkel (1923), Priness Margaret (1930), Wilt Chamberlain (1936), Clarence Williams III (1939), Jackie DeShannon (1944), Kim Cattrall (1956), and Matthew Broderick (1962).

On August twenty-first Brahe took up astronomy (1560), Pueblos took Santa Fe from the Spanish (1831), Nat Turner revolted (1831), the venetian blind was patented (1858), the fourth Pan-African Congress met (NYC, 1927), the Dunbarton Oaks conference opened (1944), Hawaii became the 50th state (1959), Gemini 5 was launched (1965), the fateful Democratic Convention opened in Chicago (1968), and a total solar eclipse was visible in N. America (2017).

Night Sky,8/21: Spot the thin crescent Moon low in the west at twilight. Look to its left by about 16° for Spica twinkling into view. Spica, usually considered a star of spring, is heading down and out for the year. Much closer to the Moon (for the Americas) is fainter Gamma Virginis. They're just a degree or two apart as seen at the times of dusk for North America. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max teaching Ollie about Brotherly Love ~~I think Ollie looks a little like Groot here.

This Week: Saturday, August 22 – Be An Angel Day & National Bring Your Cat To The Vet Day

Sunday, August 23 – Go Topless Day & Ride the Wind Day

Night Sky, 8/11: Late this evening Fomalhaut, the Autumn Star, makes its inevitable appearance above the southeast horizon. Its rising time will depend on where you live. But by 10 or 11 pm now, you should have no trouble identifying it low in the southeast if you have a good view in that direction. No other 1st-magnitude star is anywhere nearby.

Monday, August 24 – International Strange Music Day & Pluto Demoted Day & Wayzgoose Day

Tuesday, August 25 – Kiss and Make Up Day & National Park Service Day

Wednesday, August 26 – National Dog Day & National Toilet Paper Day

Night Sky, 8/25: Mercury is hidden in conjunction with the Sun. As dawn gets under way, Venus blazes brightly up in the east. You'll find Castor and Pollux off to its left and Orion farther to its right. The brightest star high upper left of Venus is Capella.

Thursday, August 27 – Just Because Day

I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it. --Joan Rivers / World's worst rhyming couplets: Can't complain, musn't grumble, help yourself to another apple crumble. ABC That Was Then But This Is Now

..........When you see me comin' raise your window high..........Count Basie …..Going To Chicago Blues

^^ The official Hawaii state fish is known as the Humuhumunukunukuapua`a, which is scientifically known as Rhinecanthus rectangulus. Other names for the fish include the reef triggerfish and the rectangular triggerfish. The fish was designated as the state fish on a five-year trial in 1985.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I caught my son chewing electrical cords. So I had to gorund him.. He's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly -Submitted by fnog

Moonbeam: Nobody roots for Goliath. --Wilt Chamberlain

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Now he’s just a villain in a children’s book. Next, he’s gonna ban rollerskating and build a laser to blow up Halloween. --Stephen Colbert / Trump, meanwhile, attacked Harris for being “nasty” to supreme court justice Brett Kavanaugh during his heated confirmation hearings in fall of 2018. Trump sounds like he’s sniffling to his mom after getting home from the playground – ‘She was the meanest most horrible most disrespectful bully, she gave me a wedgie! --Seth Meyers / Of all people, Donald Trump should totally understand how you can be with a woman who’s publicly humiliated you. Honestly, it’s kind of cute watching Republicans flail around trying to figure out the right talking points. It’s like when a litter of puppies is born but they haven’t opened their eyes yet. --Trevor Noah

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Researchers have surveyed single people who were looking for a partner and found all of them have one thing in common as to what they want in a partner. None of them have any idea what they're actually looking for. There you go. Oh, they said they know. Everybody thinks they know if you ask them what they're looking for in a partner - somebody who's funny or is generous or has millions of dollars, a heart condition and no other heirs. But research has proved that all these people are wrong. Nobody knows what they want. In random tests, people ended up expressing attraction to people who had none of the things they had said they were attracted to with two significant exceptions - a nice butt and their own HBO password. --Peter Sagal The Best of Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 8/15/20

We have a long way to go before we are able to hear the voices of everyone on earth, but I believe that providing voices and building bridges is essential for the World Peace we all wish for.

Getting Older feels like my warranty has expired and my parts are wearing out. / World's worst rhyming couplets. I'm sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair. You were in a car crash, and you lost your hair. Beatles Don't Pass Me By

..........But you've had your first lesson..........Count Basie …..Learnin' The Blues

^^^ Ninth wettest -Kukui, Maui (9,293 mm), Eighth wettest – Mt Waialeale, Kuai (9,763 mm), Seventh wettest – Big Bog, Maui (10,272 mm)

Worthless Fact of the Week: There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas. https://www.arcamax.com/knowledge/dailytrivia/s-1107545

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Medical science has made such tremendous progress that there is hardly a healthy human left. --Aldous Huxley --Submitted by pl of hi

Anteprepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dating 2013: Do I want to Netflix and chill with this person? Dating 2020: Do I want to witness the collapse of capitalism, fight the revolution next to, and go through the apocalypse with this person? --Elly Belle --Submitted by ae of mo

Weird Word of the Week: Informavore – a species that lives by processing and communicating information. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-inf3.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Keep jewelry together. Organize rings, earrings, necklaces, and brooches in Ziploc Storage Bags. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

Living to be 100 was easy. Thirty years ago I took out a restraining order against the Grim Reaper. / World's worst rhyming couplets: I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer. Snap Rhythm Is A Dancer

...........Holiday tables under the trees..........Count Basie …..April in Paris

^^^^ A hālau hula is a school or hall in which the Hawaiian dance form called hula is taught. .

Prepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You cannot fill your classroom and syllabus with “the classics” and call your students “reluctant readers” at the same time. Representation matters. --Alyssa Gray-Tyghter ~~As the holder of a degree in literature, I really appreciate this quote.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. --Arthur C Clarke

Actual Science Joke of the Week: I love learning Quantum Computing, because half the time there is nothing to learn.

Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May your spoon always slip and sink under the hot soup you eat.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It takes a village to raise a child but it takes a vineyard to home-school one. --Submitted by KS for a Safe Return to Campus

Age doesn't make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful. / World's worst rhyming couplets: Then the sky filled with herons. I saw the devil in a Chrysler LeBaron. Kanye West Dark Fantasy

..........I am so awfully misunderstood..........Count Basie …..Lady Be Good

^^^^^ Oahu island generally receives about 49.6% of the tourists coming to Hawaii. In 1028 that was 4,919,725 people.

Month of the Week: August is National Traffic Awareness Month --Have you seen the movie Jim Carrey made during a traffic jam? It's called "Me, Myself, and I-85". / Why did the chicken cross the road? So she wouldn't get bocked in traffic.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find: 

 https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's nice outside. I think I'll sit out on the patio. ...207 Mosquitoes just liked your post.

Today's Peace of History, August 21, 1976: Approximately 20,000 people, mainly women, from both Protestant and Catholic areas of Belfast, Northern Ireland, attended a Peace People's rally at Ormeau Park

There has been an uptick of people getting married in the 60s and 70s when they finally pay off their student loans. / World's worst rhyming couplets: I have played in every toilet, but you still want to spoil it. Muse Muscle Museum

..........Your hair has turned to silver..........Count Basie …..Down By The Old Mill Stream

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle August 21, 2020, Entropic ePistle. Grace, Gaiety, and Geriatrics. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: When an Englishman has professed his belief in the supremacy of Shakespeare amongst all poets, he feels himself excused from the general study of literature. He also feels himself excused from the particular study of Shakespeare. --Aubrey Breadsley

Cost of War:

As of 8/20/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,054,580,053,715.

As of 8/13/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,052,566,367,129.

As of 8/20/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $985,238,814,728.

As of 8/13/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $983,870,418,391.

As of 8/20/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $788,243,292,345.

As of 8/13/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $787,522,926,171.

As of 8/20/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,782,654,505.

As of 8/13/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,391,594,369.

As of 8/20/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,162,845,347,385.

As of 8/13/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,157,352,382,077.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness”~ Robert Muller

Famous Last Words: Men pass away, but their deeds abide. --Augustin-Louis (his final words)

..........Trying to work out life's happy plan..........Count Basie …..I Want To Be Happy

May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.

May Peace be your boon

And Joy your companion

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Yearly ePistle

 Famous First Words: Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled... An Act to establish the Territorial Government of Oregon.

At least it's more than half over... 2020 - written by Stephen King Directed by Quentin Tarantino Soundtrack by Yoko Ono / 2020's 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Covid Thy Neighbor's Life.

..........But no one ever wrote a tune for godless existentialism.........Steve Martin …..Atheists Don't Have No Songs

“We each possess what is needed to create peace on earth. We all know how to love, we just need to practice using that knowledge in all aspects of life.”– Lisa Prosen

It is 10:30 on this sunny Friday morning. I've been to the doctor and the grocery; so the state of the morning sky and how windy it is doesn't seem relevant. It is warm and sunny and the world is green and beautiful. My blood work was good and I'm ready to sit down and write to you. Good morning!

Hope this weekend is the best of 2020 so far, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday. --Submitted by inrith

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March, and 5 years in April. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled 20 Million Broke Girls.

..........I feel like letting my freak flag fly..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Almost Cut My Hair

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Social Security! True or False Quiz

^ True or False: Social Security's full retirement age is going up.

^^ True or False: If you have ever paid SS taxes, you will get retirement benefits.

^^^ True or False: You must be a US citizen to collect SS.

^^^^ True or False: You can collect more than your full retirement benefit if you delay claiming SS past full retirement age.

^^^^^ True or False: SS recipients are guaranteed an annual cost-of-living adjustment (COLA).

Big Hello: Ssalamū 'lekum – Arabic (Lebanon) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book. --submitted by gb of ks

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 100% of pregnant librarians have already heard whatever “Due Date” joke you are about to tell them. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

If 2020 was a drink it would be Colonoscopy prep. / I'm kinda scared for the year 2020, because 2+0+2+0 = 4. which is the exact number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 2 extra nipples.

..........I don't know what's going on here..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..What's Happening

Moonbeam: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. --Henry David Thoreau

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: The Dahlia that blooms in August

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Are you dating anyone, the assistant asked me. “Yes, obviously,” I said with irritation as I analyzed the remaining radioactive carbon in the ancient corpse before me. I am an archaeologist. --Submitted by fnog

Week of the Week: National Motorcycle Week (9-16) --I had a motorcycle that laughed. It was a Yamahahaha / Young riders pick a destination and go...Old riders pick a direction and go.

I've now been alive in 6 decades 1980s, 1990s, 20002, 2010s, 2020s, and June. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled The Year of Living Stupidly. / Check on your conspiracy theory friends. They haven't had a day off all year.

..........very free and easy..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Wooden Ships

^ True. Full retirement age, or FRA, is currently 66; if you were born in 1954, you reach FRA in 2020. Over the next several years it will rise incrementally, then settle at 67 for people born in 1960 and thereafter.

Almanac: It is Friday, August 14, 2020. The moon will be new next Tuesday and is in Cancer. It is National Navajo Code Talkers Day, V-J Day, Worldwide Art Day, and Atlantic Charter Day i.e. the day the US & UK agree on war aims (1941). In Chicago it is Bud Billiken Day which honors children (1923) while Arkansas celebrates World War II Memorial Day (1945), the Yukon celebrates Klondike Gold Day (1896), and Massachusetts commemorates Liberty Tree Day (1765). In Liechtenstein it is Prince Franz-Joseph Day; Pakistan (1947) and Bahrain (1971) and Portugal (1385) all celebrate Independence Day.

Among those born on this day were Lewis Meriwether (1774), Ernest Seton (1860), John Glasworthy (1867), John Ringling North (1903), Alice Ghostly (1926), Buddy Greco (1926), David Crosby (1941), Steve Martin (1945), Susan St. James (1946), Jackee (Harry, 1957), and Susan Olson (Cindy Brady, 1961).

On August fourteenth construction of the Cologne Cathedral began (1248), the first book with a printing date was published (1457), Thoreau was jailed for tax resistance (1846), the Oregon Territory was created (1848), construction on the Cologne Cathedral was completed (1880), France began to require driving tests and licenses (1893), the US invaded Nicaragua (1912), Social Security became law (1935), the first night game was played at Comiskey Park (1939), India was granted self determination within the British empire (1947), Stephen Stills was arrested on cocaine possession charges (1970), and Pete Rose (Phillies) broke Hank Aaron's record (1982).

Night Sky, 8/14: Double shadow on Jupiter. Late tonight, the shadows of Jupiter's moons Ganymede and Io are both on the planet's face at once, as two tiny black dots — from 11:08 to 12:54 pm CDT. AND Jupiter's Great Red Spot should cross the planet's central meridian around. Look east in early dawn Saturday morning for Venus paired beautifully with the waning crescent Moon. They're only 3° or 4° apart for the Americas. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max and Ollie, Mom and Dad … Down By The Sea

This Week: Saturday, August 15 – Best Friends Day & National Honey Bee Day & National Thrift Shop Day

Sunday, August 16 – National Roller Coaster Day & National Rum Day

Night Sky, 8/16: August is prime Milky Way time! After dark, the Milky Way extends up from low in the south (where it runs between the tail of Scorpius and the spout of the Sagittarius Teapot), up and left across Aquila and through the big Summer Triangle very high in the east, and on down through Cassiopeia to Perseus now rising low in the north-northeast.

Monday, August 17 – Black Cat Appreciation Day & Cupcake Day & I Love My Feet Day

Tuesday, August 18 – Bad Poetry Day & Serendipity Day

Wednesday, August 19 – Black Cow aka Root Beer Float Day & World Humanitarian Day

Night Sky, 8/19 : Jupiter and Saturn (magnitudes –2.7 and +0.2, respectively) shine in the south-southeast in twilight. They pass highest in the south around 11 pm daylight-saving time. Jupiter is the brightest; Saturn is 8° to its left. Lower right of Jupiter after dark is the handle of the Sagittarius Teapot. High to the planets' upper left, the brightest star is Altair.

Thursday, August 20 – National Radio Day & World Mosquito Day

If 2020 were a bag of potato chips it would be Orange Juice and Toothpaste flavored. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled The Clorox Solution. / I can't wait till New Year's Day 2021. Then I can say Hindsight is really 2020.

..........See the future into the present..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Deja Vu

^^ False. You must have worked and paid Social Security taxes for at least 10 years to qualify for retirement benefits. That’s how long it takes to compile the required 40 Social Security credits. You can earn up to four credits per calendar year, based on your Social Security–taxed earnings. (This year you get one credit for each $1,410 in earnings and the maximum of four if you make at least $5,640.) The 10 years need not be consecutive.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No one is more full of crap than a parent that just said “maybe”. --Submitted by inrith

Moonbeam: Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. --Henry David Thoreau

Late Night Snacks of the Week: As much as it’s nice to see my crew here in the building, I do want to thank my wife and kids again, for everything they did to help produce the show while I was home. I just want to say, over the past five months, y’all became like a family to me.--Stephen Colbert / Did Joe Biden pick Kamala Harris just so she can’t dust his ass in public again? Who knows, but congrats to the first Black woman on a major party ticket. --Trevor Noah / It’s also “suspicious” for Trump to appoint a big-money Republican businessman to run a non-partisan, generally beloved agency – it’s like if your town ice cream man was replaced by Karl Rove. --Seth Meyers

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The New York Attorney General, Letitia James, announced that she is suing to dissolve the National Rifle Association 'cause it has violated dozens and dozens of rules about running a charity - to which we say, wait; the NRA is a charity? Well, it is. Haven't you heard of 1-877-GUNS-4-KIDS... --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 8/8/20

“For peace to reign on earth, humans must evolve into new beings who have learned to see the whole first.” – Immanuel Kant

..........Peacocks wandered aimlessly..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Guinevere

^^^ False. As long as you have earned the requisite 40 Social Security credits (generally reflecting 10 years in the U.S. workforce), you will be eligible for retirement benefits. Noncitizens can also qualify for spousal or survivor benefits under certain circumstances.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: q) How is it that cavemen survived the asteroids but the dinosaurs didn't. a) Social distancing. They stay 65 million years apart. --Submitted by fnog

Worthless Fact of the Week:Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur. Each pattern is as unique as a fingerprint. https://honesttopaws.com/tigers-coat-stripes/

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was plotting my past relationships on a graph. It had a Ex Axis and a Why Axis. --Submitted by fnog

Weird Word of the Week: Haplology – the omission of one of a pair of sounds or syllables in a word, i.e. libry instead of library. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hap2.htm

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Putin is the worst US president since Dick Cheney. --John Fugelsang --Submitted by sd of ks

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Separate lingerie, scarves, gloves, hosiery, and handkerchiefs. Organize your smaller garments in Ziploc Storage Bags. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

1918 - Spinish Flu + 1929 - Great Depression + 1968 Civil Unrest = 2020. / And you thought the worst 2020 would produce was a lot of puns about perfect vision. / Dear 2020, first of all, i would like to let you know i'm typing this with my middle finger. --Submitted by inrith

...........You say it's a dead old world..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Why

^^^^ True. You become eligible to collect 100 percent of the benefit calculated from your earnings history at full retirement age. But if you wait longer, Social Security rewards you by increasing your benefit amount — you receive an extra 8 percent for each full year you delay, up to age 70. ~~They don't reward you. You pay into the system and the later you start taking money back out the more money there is especially if you were still working and paying in. Therefore the benefit is bigger.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The NRA stole $63 million from its members. Apparently owning a gun doesn't really protect you from getting robbed. --Submitted by SDS

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: ...In Honor of Bad Poetry Day (8/18) --“Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.” --Douglas Adams

Actual Science Joke of the Week: Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." "Where are we then?" "Do you see that mountain over there?" "Yes." "Well… THAT'S where we are." --Jeff Forshaw, professor of physics and astronomy, University of Manchester

Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May your five year old neighbor have their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.

If 2020 were a food truck it would only sell Liver and Onions. / 2020 has a sick sense of humor. We joke about it getting worse and it takes us seriously.

..........you got to speak out against the madness..........David Crosby (CSN) …..Long Time Gone

^^^^^ False. COLAs are based on inflation. If there is no inflation in a given year, there will be no cost-of-living increase and benefits will be the same as in the previous year. This is rare, but it has happened a handful of times since the COLA was introduced, in 1975.

Month of the Week: August is Golf Month --One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Don, come here. I’ve got some real trouble down here.” Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter, John? Is everything okay?” John shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 8-iron! Apparently you can’t get out of here with a seven.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Missouri has 2 major cities, and both of them look like they're desperately trying to get out of the state. --Submitted by ae of mo

Today's Peace of History,August 14, 1980: After months of labor turmoil, more than 16,000 Polish workers seized control of the Lenin Shipyards in Gdansk. They helped form Solidarnos´c´ (Solidarity), the first independent labor union anywhere in the Soviet bloc, as the Warsaw Pact nations were known.

Fashion in 2020: No you can't wear a polka-dot face mask with a plaid shirt. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled Wuhan yo Mama. / First rule of 2021. Never talk about 2020.

..........Only reflections of a shadow..........David Crosby …..Laughing

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle August 14, 2020, Yearly ePistle . Same old, same old. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. --Henry David Thoreau

Cost of War:

As of 8/13/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,052,566,367,129.

As of 8/6/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,050,703,454,306.

As of 8/13/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $983,870,418,391.

As of 8/6/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $982,604,347,532.

As of 8/13/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $788,522,926,171.

As of 8/6/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $784,931,034,440.

As of 8/13/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,391,594,369.

As of 8/6/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,029,762,577.

As of 8/13/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,157,352,382,077.

As of 8/6/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,152,269,216,786.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“If we do not work for individual transformation, talking about world peace is just entertainment.” – Jaggi Vasudev

Famous Last Words: SEC: 1105. This Act may be cited as the Social Security Act. --The Social Security Act of 1935

..........So I guess instead I'll love you..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Everybody's Been Burned

As this drags on we realized that children born in 2020 will be called doomers. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled Clear Vision of Hell.

May Peace sustain you

And Joy carry you through

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Woebegone ePistle

 Famous First Words: That the powers and duty of the Secretary at War shall be... Department of War Act, August 7, 1789.

Happy Birthday, Garrison! God writes lots of comedy...the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. --Garrison Keillor

..........It's the gold in his buckle.........Garth Brooks …..Rodeo

One day I would like to turn on the News and hear, There's Peace on Earth.

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The 74°F temperature feels good on the skin. A breeze is flirting with the willow branches making them sway and giggle. Birds fly in and out of the willow like it is a merry-go-round. The stately oak next to it hardly notices the wind. Birdsong wafts from unseen nests and perches, from here and there, from east and west. Everything is green; there is no August yellowing of grass or foliage. Gladiolus in the neighbor's yard sport yellow and red gladness flirting back with the breeze. Altogether and wonderful morning, but I return to the indoors to the hum of the air conditioner spilling cooled air over my head. I return to the smell of brewing coffee waiting for me, luring me towards the kitchen with an unspoken promise. So I sit down at my computer and take a long, warm sip of coffee and as I lower my cup Bruno, the dog in the yard behind ours, zips from the left of my window and disappears to the right. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft Ah, the morning begins.

Hope your weekend is as flaky as homemade pie, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Only in America can you get arrested for feeding the homeless and get sentenced to community service. --Submitted by llr of ks

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. --Garrison Keillor

..........Ever changing as it goes.........Garth Brooks …..The River

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Peace Bridge !

^ Any idea where in the US or Canada the Peace Bridge is located.

^^ Which country is it that collects the tolls?

^^^ What does it cost to cross the bridge?

^^^^ Why is it called the Peace bridge?

^^^^^ What changes has the bridge itself experienced in it's nearly 100 year lifetime?

Big Hello: is salām 'alaykum – Arabic – Egyptian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People are mad about not being able to go places. Oh, please. I was grounded 90% of the time between 7^th & 12^th grade. I trained for this. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: More clip art is the solution to 75% of all library newsletter problems. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. --Garrison Keillor

..........When we all walk hand in hand.........Garth Brooks …..We Shall Be Free

Moonbeam: Our earth is a star among the stars; and should not we who are on it prepare ourselves by it for the contemplation of the universe and its Author? --Carl Ritter

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Peridot – the birthstone of August

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I'm an old lady, I'm going to leave snacks in little bags on the floor all over the house in case I fall down. --Submitted by cb of mo

Week of the Week: National Exercise with Your Child Week (2-8) –I said I would take junior to baby gym class today but I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit I did this morning. It's pronounced “croissant” and you're not supposed to eat the entire dozen.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. --Garrison Keillor

..........Such a strange situation stoppin' every hundred miles.........Garth Brooks …..Callin' Baton Rouge

^ The Peace Bridge is located near the center of Buffalo, NY and Fort Erie, Ontario where it crosses the Niagara River. It is one of 4 vehicular toll crossings over the Niagara in the region.

Almanac: It is Friday, August 7, 2020. The moon will be last quarter next Tuesday and is in Aries. It is Lighthouse Day, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Professional Speakers Day, Purple Heart Day, and Tomboy Tools Day. Ivory Coast/Cote d'Ivoire celebrates Independence Day (1760) and Trinidad & Tobago commemorate Discovery Day (1498). Because it is the first Friday it is also Braham Pie Day aka Homemade Pie Day and International Beer Day.

Among those born on this day were Constantius II (317), Carl Ritter (1779), Mata Hari (1876), Billie Burke (1885), Louis Leakey (1903), Stan Freberg (1926), Helen Caldicott (1938), B.J. Thomas (1942), and Garrison Keillor (1942).

On August seventh Kepler's mother was arrested for witchcraft (1620), the US War Department was established (1789), the Peace Bridge between US and Canada was dedicated (1927), the Ivory Coast gained independence (Cote d'Ivoire, 1960), there were kneel-in demonstrations in Atlanta churches (1960), the Apollo 15 returned to Earth (1971), and 675,000 employees struck AT&T (1983).

Night Sky, 8/7: Bright Vega passes closest to overhead around 10 or 11 pm, depending on how far east or west you are in your time zone. How closely it misses your zenith depends on how far north or south you are. It passes right through your zenith if you're at latitude 39° north (Washington DC, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Lake Tahoe). How closely can you judge this just by looking? http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max the tree hugger.

This Week: Saturday, August 8 – Dalek Day & International Cat Day & Happiness Happens Day

Sunday, August 9 – Bagel Day & Book Lovers Day

Night Sky, 8/9: Mercury glimmers low in the east-northeast during dawn. It's bright, growing from magnitude –0.9 to –1.3 this week, but it gets a little lower each morning. Look for it about 30° lower left of brilliant Venus.

Monday, August 10 – Assistance Dog Day & Paul Bunyan Day & S'mores Day

Tuesday, August 11 – National Hip Hop Day & Presidential Joke Day

Night Sky, 8/11: Perseids - The annual Perseid meteor shower is one of the most beloved meteor showers of the year, especially in the Northern Hemisphere, where the shower peaks on warm summer nights. No matter where you live worldwide, the 2020 Perseid meteor shower will probably produce the greatest number of meteors on the mornings of August 11, 12 and 13

Wednesday, August 12 – International Youth Day & Milkman Day & Vinyl Record Day & World Elephant Day

Thursday, August 13 – International Lefthander's Day

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. --Garrison Keillor

.......I'll do anything at all.........Garth Brooks …..Shameless

^^ Tolls are paid one way into Canada. The Peace Bridge is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people who were home-schooled by day drinkers. --Submitted by jh of ks

Moonbeam: A lot of television stuff is mean-spirited, and I think that's how political advertising got so mean-spirited, to where people are throwing things at the television set every time we have an election. --Stand Freberg

Late Night Snacks of the Week: So many people are on vacation – And where do we think they're going? Here Letterman's Top Ten List from August 1990: Least Exciting Superpowers

10. Super spelling

9. Lightning-fast mood swings

8. Really bendy thumb

7. Can breathe soup

6. Ability to calm jittery squirrels

5. Power to shake exactly two aspirin out of a bottle

4. Ability to get tickets to Goodwill Games

3. Power to score with other superheroes' wives

2. Ability to communicate with corn

1. Magnetic colon

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: They're going extinct. Now, for those who don't know, ball pits are these enormous bins filled with thousands of plastic balls which little kids can jump around in as long as they like. And since little kids are so amazingly hygienic, what with their pooping and peeing and sneezing, basically every single ball pit is a super-fun toxic waste site. --Peter Sagal What it really is is a big pit full of staph infection surrounded by plastic balls. --Josh Gondelman Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 8/1/20

Let us pray for peace: peace in the world and in each of our hearts. --Pope Francis

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. --Garrison Keillor

..........It was so easy livin' day by day.........Garth Brooks with Billy Joel …..New York State of Mind

^^^Peace Bridge Tolls: Personal cars cost $3.75, cars pulling trailers $7.50. Commercial tolls range from $7.00 (2 axles) to $19 for buses. Bicycles and Pedestrians cross for free.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Capuchin monkeys pee on their hands to wash their feet. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/85646/11-mischievous-facts-about-capuchin-monkeys

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why do so many murderers bury victims in their own backyards? ~~Not everyone has the trunk space or gas money to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to dump their bodies. Check your privilege. We're all doing the best we can out there. --Submitted by llr of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Gelotogist: study of humor, laughter and the exercising of the gelastic muscles. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-gel1.htm

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just learned that a dentist a block away from here was arrested for dealing drugs. Shows you how wrong you can be about people. I had been going to him for over ten years. Never knew he was a dentist. --Submitted by sb of ar

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Carry a wet sponge or cloth for sticky fingers. Travel with your own dampened wipe in a Ziploc Storage Bag. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. --Garrison Keillor

...........And the beer chases my blues away.........Garth Brooks …..Friends in Low Places

^^^^ The Peace Bridge was named to commemorate 100 years of peace between the United States and Canada.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Donald Trump is worse than any horror story I've written. --Stephen King

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons. --Douglas Adams

Actual Science Joke of the Week: As far as “you can't observe the past” ...by the way, you're looking at the past right now because the speed of light bounces off of me and then get to your eyes, and I'm delighted to see that the people in the back of the room appear just THAT much younger than the people in the front. --Bill Nye

Mild Curse of the Week: May you always get up from your computer with your headphones still attached.

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. --Garrison Keillor

..........For a moment all the world was right.........Garth Brooks …..The Dance

^^^^^ The Peace Bridge measures 3,580 ft from abutment to abutment and is 36 feet wide from curb to curb. It was originally designed to support 2 lanes of 20-ton trucks and two tracks for 40 ton trolleys. The trolley tracks were never installed. Today the bridge has been modified to 3 lanes with 12 ft wide lanes.

Month of the Week: August is National Crayon Collection Month --I found red crayons in my nurse's uniform pocket. She said it was in case she has to draw blood. / Programmers arrange their crayon with color coding.

Recreating Famous Paintings with Anything You Can Find:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My 14 year old wore jeans today that didn't have holes. Maybe the earth really is beginning to heal. --Submitted by inrith

Today's Peace of History, August 7, 1958: The D.C. Court of Appeals reversed playwright Arthur Miller's conviction for contempt of Congress following a two-year legal battle. He had been charged for refusing to tell the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) the names of alleged Communist writers with whom he attended five or six meetings in New York in 1947.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table – there's nothing wrong with it, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. --Garrison Keillor

..........All my cards are on the table.........Garth Brooks …..Much Too Young To Feel This Damn Old

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle August 7, 2020, ePistle Woebegone. Peace, Parody, & Prairie. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: The greatest crime I committed was being an emancipated and independent woman in a world ruled by men. --Mata Hari

Cost of War:

As of 8/6/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,050,703,454,306.

As of 7/30/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,048,625,583,847.

As of 8/6/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $982,604,347,532.

As of 7/30/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $981,192,220,849.

As of 8/6/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $784,931,034,440.

As of 7/30/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $783,156,030,129.

As of 8/6/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,029,762,577.

As of 7/30/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $333,626,388,985.

As of 8/6/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,152,269,216,786.

As of 7/30/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,146,600,047,103.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The world is now too small for anything but brotherhood. --Arthur Powell Davies

Famous Last Words: Now it is your turn to let freedom ring. --John Lewis

..........Did I try in every way.........Garth Brooks …..If Tomorrow Never Comes

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. --Garrison Keillor

May Peace be your tower

And Joy be your search light

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: