Famous First Words: Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled... An Act to establish the Territorial Government of Oregon.
At least it's more than half over... 2020 - written by Stephen King Directed by Quentin Tarantino Soundtrack by Yoko Ono / 2020's 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Covid Thy Neighbor's Life.
..........But no one ever wrote a tune for godless existentialism.........Steve Martin …..Atheists Don't Have No Songs
“We each possess what is needed to create peace on earth. We all know how to love, we just need to practice using that knowledge in all aspects of life.”– Lisa Prosen
It is 10:30 on this sunny Friday morning. I've been to the doctor and the grocery; so the state of the morning sky and how windy it is doesn't seem relevant. It is warm and sunny and the world is green and beautiful. My blood work was good and I'm ready to sit down and write to you. Good morning!
Hope this weekend is the best of 2020 so far, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think I still have some unfinished procrastinating to do from yesterday. --Submitted by inrith
2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March, and 5 years in April. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled 20 Million Broke Girls.
..........I feel like letting my freak flag fly..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Almost Cut My Hair
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Social Security! True or False Quiz
^ True or False: Social Security's full retirement age is going up.
^^ True or False: If you have ever paid SS taxes, you will get retirement benefits.
^^^ True or False: You must be a US citizen to collect SS.
^^^^ True or False: You can collect more than your full retirement benefit if you delay claiming SS past full retirement age.
^^^^^ True or False: SS recipients are guaranteed an annual cost-of-living adjustment (COLA).
Big Hello: Ssalamū 'lekum – Arabic (Lebanon) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book. --submitted by gb of ks
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 100% of pregnant librarians have already heard whatever “Due Date” joke you are about to tell them. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
If 2020 was a drink it would be Colonoscopy prep. / I'm kinda scared for the year 2020, because 2+0+2+0 = 4. which is the exact number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 2 extra nipples.
..........I don't know what's going on here..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..What's Happening
Moonbeam: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. --Henry David Thoreau
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: The Dahlia that blooms in August
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Are you dating anyone, the assistant asked me. “Yes, obviously,” I said with irritation as I analyzed the remaining radioactive carbon in the ancient corpse before me. I am an archaeologist. --Submitted by fnog
Week of the Week: National Motorcycle Week (9-16) --I had a motorcycle that laughed. It was a Yamahahaha / Young riders pick a destination and go...Old riders pick a direction and go.
I've now been alive in 6 decades 1980s, 1990s, 20002, 2010s, 2020s, and June. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled The Year of Living Stupidly. / Check on your conspiracy theory friends. They haven't had a day off all year.
..........very free and easy..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Wooden Ships
^ True. Full retirement age, or FRA, is currently 66; if you were born in 1954, you reach FRA in 2020. Over the next several years it will rise incrementally, then settle at 67 for people born in 1960 and thereafter.
Almanac: It is Friday, August 14, 2020. The moon will be new next Tuesday and is in Cancer. It is National Navajo Code Talkers Day, V-J Day, Worldwide Art Day, and Atlantic Charter Day i.e. the day the US & UK agree on war aims (1941). In Chicago it is Bud Billiken Day which honors children (1923) while Arkansas celebrates World War II Memorial Day (1945), the Yukon celebrates Klondike Gold Day (1896), and Massachusetts commemorates Liberty Tree Day (1765). In Liechtenstein it is Prince Franz-Joseph Day; Pakistan (1947) and Bahrain (1971) and Portugal (1385) all celebrate Independence Day.
Among those born on this day were Lewis Meriwether (1774), Ernest Seton (1860), John Glasworthy (1867), John Ringling North (1903), Alice Ghostly (1926), Buddy Greco (1926), David Crosby (1941), Steve Martin (1945), Susan St. James (1946), Jackee (Harry, 1957), and Susan Olson (Cindy Brady, 1961).
On August fourteenth construction of the Cologne Cathedral began (1248), the first book with a printing date was published (1457), Thoreau was jailed for tax resistance (1846), the Oregon Territory was created (1848), construction on the Cologne Cathedral was completed (1880), France began to require driving tests and licenses (1893), the US invaded Nicaragua (1912), Social Security became law (1935), the first night game was played at Comiskey Park (1939), India was granted self determination within the British empire (1947), Stephen Stills was arrested on cocaine possession charges (1970), and Pete Rose (Phillies) broke Hank Aaron's record (1982).
Night Sky, 8/14: Double shadow on Jupiter. Late tonight, the shadows of Jupiter's moons Ganymede and Io are both on the planet's face at once, as two tiny black dots — from 11:08 to 12:54 pm CDT. AND Jupiter's Great Red Spot should cross the planet's central meridian around. Look east in early dawn Saturday morning for Venus paired beautifully with the waning crescent Moon. They're only 3° or 4° apart for the Americas. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max and Ollie, Mom and Dad … Down By The Sea
This Week: Saturday, August 15 – Best Friends Day & National Honey Bee Day & National Thrift Shop Day
Sunday, August 16 – National Roller Coaster Day & National Rum Day
Night Sky, 8/16: August is prime Milky Way time! After dark, the Milky Way extends up from low in the south (where it runs between the tail of Scorpius and the spout of the Sagittarius Teapot), up and left across Aquila and through the big Summer Triangle very high in the east, and on down through Cassiopeia to Perseus now rising low in the north-northeast.
Monday, August 17 – Black Cat Appreciation Day & Cupcake Day & I Love My Feet Day
Tuesday, August 18 – Bad Poetry Day & Serendipity Day
Wednesday, August 19 – Black Cow aka Root Beer Float Day & World Humanitarian Day
Night Sky, 8/19 : Jupiter and Saturn (magnitudes –2.7 and +0.2, respectively) shine in the south-southeast in twilight. They pass highest in the south around 11 pm daylight-saving time. Jupiter is the brightest; Saturn is 8° to its left. Lower right of Jupiter after dark is the handle of the Sagittarius Teapot. High to the planets' upper left, the brightest star is Altair.
Thursday, August 20 – National Radio Day & World Mosquito Day
If 2020 were a bag of potato chips it would be Orange Juice and Toothpaste flavored. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled The Clorox Solution. / I can't wait till New Year's Day 2021. Then I can say Hindsight is really 2020.
..........See the future into the present..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Deja Vu
^^ False. You must have worked and paid Social Security taxes for at least 10 years to qualify for retirement benefits. That’s how long it takes to compile the required 40 Social Security credits. You can earn up to four credits per calendar year, based on your Social Security–taxed earnings. (This year you get one credit for each $1,410 in earnings and the maximum of four if you make at least $5,640.) The 10 years need not be consecutive.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No one is more full of crap than a parent that just said “maybe”. --Submitted by inrith
Moonbeam: Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. --Henry David Thoreau
Late Night Snacks of the Week: As much as it’s nice to see my crew here in the building, I do want to thank my wife and kids again, for everything they did to help produce the show while I was home. I just want to say, over the past five months, y’all became like a family to me.--Stephen Colbert / Did Joe Biden pick Kamala Harris just so she can’t dust his ass in public again? Who knows, but congrats to the first Black woman on a major party ticket. --Trevor Noah / It’s also “suspicious” for Trump to appoint a big-money Republican businessman to run a non-partisan, generally beloved agency – it’s like if your town ice cream man was replaced by Karl Rove. --Seth Meyers
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The New York Attorney General, Letitia James, announced that she is suing to dissolve the National Rifle Association 'cause it has violated dozens and dozens of rules about running a charity - to which we say, wait; the NRA is a charity? Well, it is. Haven't you heard of 1-877-GUNS-4-KIDS... --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 8/8/20
“For peace to reign on earth, humans must evolve into new beings who have learned to see the whole first.” – Immanuel Kant
..........Peacocks wandered aimlessly..........David Crosby (CSNY) …..Guinevere
^^^ False. As long as you have earned the requisite 40 Social Security credits (generally reflecting 10 years in the U.S. workforce), you will be eligible for retirement benefits. Noncitizens can also qualify for spousal or survivor benefits under certain circumstances.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: q) How is it that cavemen survived the asteroids but the dinosaurs didn't. a) Social distancing. They stay 65 million years apart. --Submitted by fnog
Worthless Fact of the Week:Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur. Each pattern is as unique as a fingerprint. https://honesttopaws.com/tigers-coat-stripes/
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was plotting my past relationships on a graph. It had a Ex Axis and a Why Axis. --Submitted by fnog
Weird Word of the Week: Haplology – the omission of one of a pair of sounds or syllables in a word, i.e. libry instead of library. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hap2.htm
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Putin is the worst US president since Dick Cheney. --John Fugelsang --Submitted by sd of ks
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Separate lingerie, scarves, gloves, hosiery, and handkerchiefs. Organize your smaller garments in Ziploc Storage Bags. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html
1918 - Spinish Flu + 1929 - Great Depression + 1968 Civil Unrest = 2020. / And you thought the worst 2020 would produce was a lot of puns about perfect vision. / Dear 2020, first of all, i would like to let you know i'm typing this with my middle finger. --Submitted by inrith
...........You say it's a dead old world..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Why
^^^^ True. You become eligible to collect 100 percent of the benefit calculated from your earnings history at full retirement age. But if you wait longer, Social Security rewards you by increasing your benefit amount — you receive an extra 8 percent for each full year you delay, up to age 70. ~~They don't reward you. You pay into the system and the later you start taking money back out the more money there is especially if you were still working and paying in. Therefore the benefit is bigger.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The NRA stole $63 million from its members. Apparently owning a gun doesn't really protect you from getting robbed. --Submitted by SDS
Science Fiction Joke of the Week: ...In Honor of Bad Poetry Day (8/18) --“Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.” --Douglas Adams
Actual Science Joke of the Week: Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." "Where are we then?" "Do you see that mountain over there?" "Yes." "Well… THAT'S where we are." --Jeff Forshaw, professor of physics and astronomy, University of Manchester
Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May your five year old neighbor have their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
If 2020 were a food truck it would only sell Liver and Onions. / 2020 has a sick sense of humor. We joke about it getting worse and it takes us seriously.
..........you got to speak out against the madness..........David Crosby (CSN) …..Long Time Gone
^^^^^ False. COLAs are based on inflation. If there is no inflation in a given year, there will be no cost-of-living increase and benefits will be the same as in the previous year. This is rare, but it has happened a handful of times since the COLA was introduced, in 1975.
Month of the Week: August is Golf Month --One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Don, come here. I’ve got some real trouble down here.” Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter, John? Is everything okay?” John shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 8-iron! Apparently you can’t get out of here with a seven.
Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:
https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Missouri has 2 major cities, and both of them look like they're desperately trying to get out of the state. --Submitted by ae of mo
Today's Peace of History,August 14, 1980: After months of labor turmoil, more than 16,000 Polish workers seized control of the Lenin Shipyards in Gdansk. They helped form Solidarnos´c´ (Solidarity), the first independent labor union anywhere in the Soviet bloc, as the Warsaw Pact nations were known.
Fashion in 2020: No you can't wear a polka-dot face mask with a plaid shirt. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled Wuhan yo Mama. / First rule of 2021. Never talk about 2020.
..........Only reflections of a shadow..........David Crosby …..Laughing
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle August 14, 2020, Yearly ePistle . Same old, same old. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. --Henry David Thoreau
Cost of War:
As of 8/13/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,052,566,367,129.
As of 8/6/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,050,703,454,306.
As of 8/13/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $983,870,418,391.
As of 8/6/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $982,604,347,532.
As of 8/13/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $788,522,926,171.
As of 8/6/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $784,931,034,440.
As of 8/13/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,391,594,369.
As of 8/6/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,029,762,577.
As of 8/13/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,157,352,382,077.
As of 8/6/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,152,269,216,786.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
“If we do not work for individual transformation, talking about world peace is just entertainment.” – Jaggi Vasudev
Famous Last Words: SEC: 1105. This Act may be cited as the Social Security Act. --The Social Security Act of 1935
..........So I guess instead I'll love you..........David Crosby (Byrds) …..Everybody's Been Burned
As this drags on we realized that children born in 2020 will be called doomers. / If 2020 were a movie it would be titled Clear Vision of Hell.
May Peace sustain you
And Joy carry you through
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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