Famous First Words: That the powers and duty of the Secretary at War shall be... Department of War Act, August 7, 1789.
Happy Birthday, Garrison! God writes lots of comedy...the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. --Garrison Keillor
..........It's the gold in his buckle.........Garth Brooks …..Rodeo
One day I would like to turn on the News and hear, There's Peace on Earth.
It is a beautiful Friday morning. The 74°F temperature feels good on the skin. A breeze is flirting with the willow branches making them sway and giggle. Birds fly in and out of the willow like it is a merry-go-round. The stately oak next to it hardly notices the wind. Birdsong wafts from unseen nests and perches, from here and there, from east and west. Everything is green; there is no August yellowing of grass or foliage. Gladiolus in the neighbor's yard sport yellow and red gladness flirting back with the breeze. Altogether and wonderful morning, but I return to the indoors to the hum of the air conditioner spilling cooled air over my head. I return to the smell of brewing coffee waiting for me, luring me towards the kitchen with an unspoken promise. So I sit down at my computer and take a long, warm sip of coffee and as I lower my cup Bruno, the dog in the yard behind ours, zips from the left of my window and disappears to the right. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft Ah, the morning begins.
Hope your weekend is as flaky as homemade pie, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Only in America can you get arrested for feeding the homeless and get sentenced to community service. --Submitted by llr of ks
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. --Garrison Keillor
..........Ever changing as it goes.........Garth Brooks …..The River
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Peace Bridge !
^ Any idea where in the US or Canada the Peace Bridge is located.
^^ Which country is it that collects the tolls?
^^^ What does it cost to cross the bridge?
^^^^ Why is it called the Peace bridge?
^^^^^ What changes has the bridge itself experienced in it's nearly 100 year lifetime?
Big Hello: is salām 'alaykum – Arabic – Egyptian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People are mad about not being able to go places. Oh, please. I was grounded 90% of the time between 7th & 12th grade. I trained for this. --Submitted by #RHOZ
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: More clip art is the solution to 75% of all library newsletter problems. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. --Garrison Keillor
..........When we all walk hand in hand.........Garth Brooks …..We Shall Be Free
Moonbeam: Our earth is a star among the stars; and should not we who are on it prepare ourselves by it for the contemplation of the universe and its Author? --Carl Ritter
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Peridot – the birthstone of August
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I'm an old lady, I'm going to leave snacks in little bags on the floor all over the house in case I fall down. --Submitted by cb of mo
Week of the Week: National Exercise with Your Child Week (2-8) –I said I would take junior to baby gym class today but I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit I did this morning. It's pronounced “croissant” and you're not supposed to eat the entire dozen.
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. --Garrison Keillor
..........Such a strange situation stoppin' every hundred miles.........Garth Brooks …..Callin' Baton Rouge
^ The Peace Bridge is located near the center of Buffalo, NY and Fort Erie, Ontario where it crosses the Niagara River. It is one of 4 vehicular toll crossings over the Niagara in the region.
Almanac: It is Friday, August 7, 2020. The moon will be last quarter next Tuesday and is in Aries. It is Lighthouse Day, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Professional Speakers Day, Purple Heart Day, and Tomboy Tools Day. Ivory Coast/Cote d'Ivoire celebrates Independence Day (1760) and Trinidad & Tobago commemorate Discovery Day (1498). Because it is the first Friday it is also Braham Pie Day aka Homemade Pie Day and International Beer Day.
Among those born on this day were Constantius II (317), Carl Ritter (1779), Mata Hari (1876), Billie Burke (1885), Louis Leakey (1903), Stan Freberg (1926), Helen Caldicott (1938), B.J. Thomas (1942), and Garrison Keillor (1942).
On August seventh Kepler's mother was arrested for witchcraft (1620), the US War Department was established (1789), the Peace Bridge between US and Canada was dedicated (1927), the Ivory Coast gained independence (Cote d'Ivoire, 1960), there were kneel-in demonstrations in Atlanta churches (1960), the Apollo 15 returned to Earth (1971), and 675,000 employees struck AT&T (1983).
Night Sky, 8/7: Bright Vega passes closest to overhead around 10 or 11 pm, depending on how far east or west you are in your time zone. How closely it misses your zenith depends on how far north or south you are. It passes right through your zenith if you're at latitude 39° north (Washington DC, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Lake Tahoe). How closely can you judge this just by looking? http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max the tree hugger.
This Week: Saturday, August 8 – Dalek Day & International Cat Day & Happiness Happens Day
Sunday, August 9 – Bagel Day & Book Lovers Day
Night Sky, 8/9: Mercury glimmers low in the east-northeast during dawn. It's bright, growing from magnitude –0.9 to –1.3 this week, but it gets a little lower each morning. Look for it about 30° lower left of brilliant Venus.
Monday, August 10 – Assistance Dog Day & Paul Bunyan Day & S'mores Day
Tuesday, August 11 – National Hip Hop Day & Presidential Joke Day
Night Sky, 8/11: Perseids - The annual Perseid meteor shower is one of the most beloved meteor showers of the year, especially in the Northern Hemisphere, where the shower peaks on warm summer nights. No matter where you live worldwide, the 2020 Perseid meteor shower will probably produce the greatest number of meteors on the mornings of August 11, 12 and 13
Wednesday, August 12 – International Youth Day & Milkman Day & Vinyl Record Day & World Elephant Day
Thursday, August 13 – International Lefthander's Day
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. --Garrison Keillor
.......I'll do anything at all.........Garth Brooks …..Shameless
^^ Tolls are paid one way into Canada. The Peace Bridge is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You think it's bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people who were home-schooled by day drinkers. --Submitted by jh of ks
Moonbeam: A lot of television stuff is mean-spirited, and I think that's how political advertising got so mean-spirited, to where people are throwing things at the television set every time we have an election. --Stand Freberg
Late Night Snacks of the Week: So many people are on vacation – And where do we think they're going? Here Letterman's Top Ten List from August 1990: Least Exciting Superpowers
10. Super spelling
9. Lightning-fast mood swings
8. Really bendy thumb
7. Can breathe soup
6. Ability to calm jittery squirrels
5. Power to shake exactly two aspirin out of a bottle
4. Ability to get tickets to Goodwill Games
3. Power to score with other superheroes' wives
2. Ability to communicate with corn
1. Magnetic colon
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: They're going extinct. Now, for those who don't know, ball pits are these enormous bins filled with thousands of plastic balls which little kids can jump around in as long as they like. And since little kids are so amazingly hygienic, what with their pooping and peeing and sneezing, basically every single ball pit is a super-fun toxic waste site. --Peter Sagal What it really is is a big pit full of staph infection surrounded by plastic balls. --Josh Gondelman Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 8/1/20
Let us pray for peace: peace in the world and in each of our hearts. --Pope Francis
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. --Garrison Keillor
..........It was so easy livin' day by day.........Garth Brooks with Billy Joel …..New York State of Mind
^^^Peace Bridge Tolls: Personal cars cost $3.75, cars pulling trailers $7.50. Commercial tolls range from $7.00 (2 axles) to $19 for buses. Bicycles and Pedestrians cross for free.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Capuchin monkeys pee on their hands to wash their feet. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/85646/11-mischievous-facts-about-capuchin-monkeys
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why do so many murderers bury victims in their own backyards? ~~Not everyone has the trunk space or gas money to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to dump their bodies. Check your privilege. We're all doing the best we can out there. --Submitted by llr of ks
Weird Word of the Week: Gelotogist: study of humor, laughter and the exercising of the gelastic muscles. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-gel1.htm
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just learned that a dentist a block away from here was arrested for dealing drugs. Shows you how wrong you can be about people. I had been going to him for over ten years. Never knew he was a dentist. --Submitted by sb of ar
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Carry a wet sponge or cloth for sticky fingers. Travel with your own dampened wipe in a Ziploc Storage Bag. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html
It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. --Garrison Keillor
...........And the beer chases my blues away.........Garth Brooks …..Friends in Low Places
^^^^ The Peace Bridge was named to commemorate 100 years of peace between the United States and Canada.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Donald Trump is worse than any horror story I've written. --Stephen King
Science Fiction Joke of the Week: For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons. --Douglas Adams
Actual Science Joke of the Week: As far as “you can't observe the past” ...by the way, you're looking at the past right now because the speed of light bounces off of me and then get to your eyes, and I'm delighted to see that the people in the back of the room appear just THAT much younger than the people in the front. --Bill Nye
Mild Curse of the Week: May you always get up from your computer with your headphones still attached.
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. --Garrison Keillor
..........For a moment all the world was right.........Garth Brooks …..The Dance
^^^^^ The Peace Bridge measures 3,580 ft from abutment to abutment and is 36 feet wide from curb to curb. It was originally designed to support 2 lanes of 20-ton trucks and two tracks for 40 ton trolleys. The trolley tracks were never installed. Today the bridge has been modified to 3 lanes with 12 ft wide lanes.
Month of the Week: August is National Crayon Collection Month --I found red crayons in my nurse's uniform pocket. She said it was in case she has to draw blood. / Programmers arrange their crayon with color coding.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My 14 year old wore jeans today that didn't have holes. Maybe the earth really is beginning to heal. --Submitted by inrith
Today's Peace of History, August 7, 1958: The D.C. Court of Appeals reversed playwright Arthur Miller's conviction for contempt of Congress following a two-year legal battle. He had been charged for refusing to tell the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) the names of alleged Communist writers with whom he attended five or six meetings in New York in 1947.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table – there's nothing wrong with it, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. --Garrison Keillor
..........All my cards are on the table.........Garth Brooks …..Much Too Young To Feel This Damn Old
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle August 7, 2020, ePistle Woebegone. Peace, Parody, & Prairie. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: The greatest crime I committed was being an emancipated and independent woman in a world ruled by men. --Mata Hari
Cost of War:
As of 8/6/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,050,703,454,306.
As of 7/30/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,048,625,583,847.
As of 8/6/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $982,604,347,532.
As of 7/30/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $981,192,220,849.
As of 8/6/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $784,931,034,440.
As of 7/30/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $783,156,030,129.
As of 8/6/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $334,029,762,577.
As of 7/30/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $333,626,388,985.
As of 8/6/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,152,269,216,786.
As of 7/30/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,146,600,047,103.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
The world is now too small for anything but brotherhood. --Arthur Powell Davies
Famous Last Words: Now it is your turn to let freedom ring. --John Lewis
..........Did I try in every way.........Garth Brooks …..If Tomorrow Never Comes
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. --Garrison Keillor
May Peace be your tower
And Joy be your search light
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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