cHanged ePistle

Famous First Words: Now you've heard the rest. --Ma Rainey Black Bottom

Welcome to Numismatic or National Coin Week (21-27). It's a really good excuse for a bunch of coiny jokes and puns that make no cents. A dime and a quarter got into a theological argument; it seems they were from different denominations.

On a plane you can pick up more and better people than on any other public conveyance since the stagecoach --Anita Loos - Funny Lady Number 1

..........Sit and talk, face to face.........Brandy & Monica …..The Boy Is Mine ~~This is National Karaoke Week (21-27) and these are the 10 most popular Karaoke songs in the US according to Billboard. This is number 10

It's when we start working together that the real healing takes place...it's when we start spilling our sweat, and not our blood. --David Hume

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The willow is waving towards the northeast and the mulberry is just waving. Two sparrows are having a heated discussion accompanied by flitting about from limb to limb. The sky is gray and white and darker gray. I have returned from the Doctor – my regular doctor – who gave me prescriptions for blood tests and chest x-rays and an ekg. More appointments to make. Ah, now we are up to a whole quarrel of sparrows and lots of happy noise. A temperature of 67°F is a pleasant surprise in a world that looks like it might be cool and rainy. Puck is making sleep snorts as a counterpoint to sparrow music. I am sipping iced water and watching the day slide by. Key lime pie is the flavor of my candle and lemon flavors my cough drop (hence the chest x-ray). The sparrows fly away and I set down to send out ePistles.

Hope your weekend jingles all the way to Monday, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: In a Stephen Colbert interview with Crosby, Stills, and Nash (2008), Stephen asks if they wanted to apologise to President Nixon for saying such hateful things about him. Crosby and Stills said no and Graham Nash said, “If fact, when I saw him at his funeral, he was still lying.”

The right wing introduced legislation to outlaw breaking dollar bills because it would mean change. / An ailment unique to coin collectors is when all their coins look exactly the same to the collector. It's called coincidence.

When I was born I was so surprised that I didn't speak for a year and a half. --Gracie Allen Funny Lady Number 2

..........Turn around, bright eyes.........Bonnie Tyler …..Total Eclipse of the Heart #9

Trivia Questions: Happy National Pretzel Day!

• ^ Which state is the Pretzel State with 45 pretzel companies?
• ^^ How do pretzels get their shine?
• ^^^ How long have pretzels been around, anyway?
• ^^^^ When did they start automating pretzel making?
• ^^^^^ Just how popular are pretzels these days?

Big Hello: Hāan – Mon (Myanmar & Thailand) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Today I will be a ray of freaking sunshine. --Submitted by HPF

Image of the Week: This is the mulberry in the backyard. I've spoken of it often. It is going to be cut down in a couple of weeks because the roots are growing into the neighbor's sewer pipes. It is the tree where the sparrow family's flying lessons took place. It is the tree that attracted so many birds when it had fruit.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 98% of librarians are left speechless each week by something a patron says with a straight face. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I brought home some coins from my visit to Korea. But I've lost my Korean won. / George took iron tablets because he thought it would make him strong. One day he let out a big fart and there was a pile of coins in his pants. The wind of change.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. --Carol Burnett Funny Lady Number 3

..........I was the last one you thought you'd see there..........Garth Brooks …..Friends in Low Places #8

Moonbeam: It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. --Marcus Aurelius

Blasphemy of the Week: Why is it that when Christians want to eat shrimp and get a tattoo it's all “Jesus made a new covenant, so the old testament laws are over”. But when they want to persecute gay people it's suddenly “Leviticus this, and Deuteronomy that.” --Submitted by gr of oh

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Bruce DeViller, of Brookfield, IL. Think of a popular online service. Change the first letter to a Y and rearrange the result to get what this service provides. NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/21/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No! A responsible adult says “no” to non-euclidean space.

Fran was out hunting and was hit by a stray bullet but the quarters she had in her breast pocket diverted the bullet. From then on she called her change her “life savings”. / Now I know why they call it “going through the change”, not only do I have hot flashes and low energy but I also have a compulsion to put all coins into neat stacks by denomination.

Memory is more indelible than ink. --Anita Loos

..........Got stacks on deck like he savin' up.........Nikki Minaj …..Super Bass #7

^ Pretzel Pennsylvania: there are about 45 pretzel companies in the state, including Snyders of Hanover. That means about 80 percent of the pretzels sold in the US are made in Pennsylvania.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 26, 2024. The moon was full (Pink) last Tuesday (4/23) and is in Sagittarius. It is World Intellectual Property Day (WIPO), Richter Scale Day, National Pretzel Day, Hug an Australian Day, Audubon Day, National Kids and Pets Day, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, Bob Wills Weekend, Arbor Day, and National Hairball Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Marcus Aurelius (121), Marie de'Medici (1573), David Hume (1711), John James Audubon (1785), Delacroix (1798), Alice Cary (1820), Ma Rainey (1886), Anita Loos (1889), Rudolf Hess (1895), Gracie Allen (1906), A.E. Van Vogt (1912), Bernard Malamud (1914), I.M. Pei (1917), Carol Burnett (1933), Duane Eddy (1938), and Bobby Rydell (1942).

On April twenty-sixth Easter was celebrated for the first time (1478), Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn (1514), William Shakespeare was baptized (1564), the University of Innsbruck was formed (1677), the first smallpox vaccination was administered (1721), the Odd Fellows Lodge was established (1819), Grand Polonaise Brillante premiered (Chopin, 1835), Fenway Park saw its first homerun (1912), Madame Tussaud's waxworks opened in London (1928), the organ was first used at a baseball stadium (Cubs, 1941), Ariel was launched with the first international payload (1962), Red Auerbach retired (Celtics, 1966), Studio 54 opened (1977), Schwarzenegger married Shriver (1986), Chernobyl exploded (1986), and Ozzie Smith stole his 500th base (1992).

Night Sky, 4/26: This is the time of year when, as the last of twilight fades away, the dim Little Dipper extends straight to the right from Polaris. High above the end-stars of the Little Dipper's bowl, you'll find the end-stars of the Big Dipper's bowl. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys and their charcuterie

This Week: Saturday, April 27 – Independent Bookstore Day & National Dance Day & World Tapir Day

Sunday, April 28 – Deaf Parents Day & Save The Frogs Day & Workers Memorial Day

Night Sky, 4/28: These spring evenings, the long, dim sea serpent Hydra snakes almost level far across the southern sky. Find his head, a rather dim asterism about the width of your thumb at arm's length, in the southwest. It's almost halfway from Procyon to Regulus. Left or lower left of Hydra's head, by about a fist and a half, is orange, 2nd-magnitude Alphard, Hydra's lonely heart. Hydra's dim, irregular body and tail stretch all the way to Libra just rising in the southeast. He carries Crater and Corvus on his back.

Monday, April 29 – Peace Rose Day & World Wish Day & Zipper Day

Tuesday, April 30 – Beltane & Animal Advocacy Day & Bugs Bunny Day

Wednesday, May 1 - Beltane & Hug Your Cat Day & Law Day & May Day

Night Sky, 5/1: Mars and Saturn, both about magnitude +1.2, rise around the beginning of dawn. Look for them low above the east-southeast horizon about 45 minutes before sunrise.

Thursday, May 2 - US Capitol Police Day & World Password Day & World Tuna Day

I got a quarter as change at the coffee shop and I accidentally dropped it and it landed on its edge. Later when I was telling the story, I took it out and it happened again. It stood on its rim. We couldn't make heads nor tails of it. / I'm not a fan of the new King Charles coins; but then I've never cared for change.

This recipe is really silly. It says to separate two eggs but it does say how far to separate them. --Gracie Allen

..........And I'm here to remind you..........Alanis Morissette …..You Oughta Know #6

^^ Pretzels get their flavor and trademark shine from soaking the dough for about 30 to 60 seconds in sodium hydroxide (lye) before they're baked. It's a technique that's similar to how bagels are prepared.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. --Kurt Vonnegut --Submitted by jm of ks

Moonbeam: History is not ended. It will sooner or later pick up the threads apparently broken off forever and knit them together in a new pattern. --Rudolf Hess

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Max Azzarello who immolated himself outside the courthouse in NYC believed that Trump and Biden were conspiring together to bring about a fascist coup in the US.

Video of the Week: In honor of Bob Wills Weekend (25-27) Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys - San Antonio Rose (1973) (youtube.com)

It is seldom that liberty is lost all at one. --David Hume

Pirate crews were paid with the gold coins that they had pirated. They would bite them to make sure they were real. So criminals using bitcoin is an old and honored tradition. / Coin collectors who commit crimes are sent to the Pennyteniary.

No one ever said life was fair. Just eventful. --Carol Barnett

..........Aren't you tired trying to fill that void.........Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper …..Shallow #5

^^^ The world can thank a frustrated teacher with leftover bread dough for the invention of the soft pretzel. In 610 CE, while baking bread, an Italian monk decided to create a treat to motivate his distracted catechism students. He rolled out ropes of dough, twisted them to resemble hands crossed on the chest in prayer, and baked them. The monk christened his snacks "pretiola," Latin for "little reward." Parents who tasted their children's classroom treats referred to them as "brachiola," or "little arms." That works out to 1,414 years than pretzels have been around. Crunchy pretzels came in 1850.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wish I had enough money to discover that it doesn't make me happy. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Deasil - It means to move righthandwards, in the direction of the sun, clockwise. It now mainly conjures up associations with witchcraft, as it’s the much rarer converse of widdershins. World Wide Words: Deasil

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean and shine porcelain fixtures. Pour Canada Dry Club Soda over the fixtures. Canada Dry® Club Soda: Wacky Uses

Don't ever listen to your money; it rarely makes cents. / If Trump had to put a quarter in the jar every time he told a lie, we'd have enough money to pay off everyone's student loans.

...........Too late, my time has come.........Queen …..Bohemian Rhapsody #4

^^^^ Pretzels were made entirely by hand until 1935 when the first automated pretzel machine was created. That allowed factory bakers to mass-produce about 250 pretzels per minute.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian. --Submitted by FNOG

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Causeason (26-28, Beckley, WV) a pop culture convention Location - Causeacon®

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education and Law (26^th, NYC) International Conference on Mathematics, Statistics, Education & Law (ICMSEL) in New York, USA - 26th April 2024 (conferencenext.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: venmo → money

I got a bitcoin once. Ick, it had teeth marks all over it. / Rachel tried to pay for her lunch with flatbread, but the cashier said, no more of this naan cents.

I really think that American gentlemen are the best after all, because kissing your hand can make you feel very good but a diamond and sapphire bracelet lasts forever. --Anita Loos

..........I should have changed that stupid lock.........Gloria Gaynor …..I Will Survive #3

^^^^^ The average US citizen consumes up to two pounds of pretzels per year, but Philadelphians snack on about 12 pound per person every year.

Hippy Update of the Week: So I just spent 3 hours at OrthoKansas. They took x-rays, a nurse obsessed over my high blood pressure (always high at the doctor's office, usually fine at home), showed me x-rays (I have no socket left, just flat bone and the ball is beginning to flatten), and scheduled my surgery for June 13^th. Then they gave me a list of other doctors I need to see pre-op (Dentist, my regular doctor, ekg, …) Dr Huston assured me that the pain would stop the very day I get a new hip and I would be able to walk that day too. That sounds so good. It hurts so much.

Quote of the Week: If you took the most ardent revolutionary, vested him in absolute power, within a year he would be worse than the Tsar himself. --Mikhail Bakunin

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Darling, I've stepped in puddles deeper than you.

Today's Peace of History April 26, 1954: The Geneva Conference began for the purpose of bringing to an end the conflicts in Korea and Indochina. This followed the defeat of the French in Vietnam at Dien Bien Phu. France had been trying to reassert colonial control over Indochina following World War II.

President Lincoln would never go to jail because he's in a cent. / If I got a Susan B Anthony dollar for every time I had no idea what was going on, I'd be wondering how I got all this money.

The president of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow. --Gracie Allen

..........Ain't nothing but a mistake.........Backstreet Boys …..I Want It That Way #2

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 26, 2024, cHangeD ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As I grew up I was fervently desirous of becoming acquainted with Nature. --John James Audubon

Cost of War:

• As of 04/25/24 State Department Costs: $234,503,303.479.
• As of 04/18/24 State Department Costs: $233,940,033,337.
• As of 04/25/24 Homeland Security: $1,166,426,089,726.
• As of 04/18/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,814,295,2400.
• As of 04/25/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,214,095,515,543.
• As of 04/18/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,212,522,318,43.
• As of 04/25/24 Veterans Care: $3,628,416,021,296.
• As of 04/18/24 Veterans Care: $3,616,492,344,198.
• As of 04/25/24 Military Costs: $3,081,498,676,023.
• As of 04/18/24 Military Costs: $3,080,304,253,604.
• As of 04/25/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,324,942,747,235.
• As of 04/18/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,309,075,151,571.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Nothing is more surprising than the easiness with which the many are governed by the few. --David Hume

Famous Last Words: Best time I ever had. --Carol Burnett Show sign off song: I've So Glad We Had This Time Together

..........No inhibitions, make no conditions.........Shania Twain …..Man I Feel Like A Woman #1

I just prefer the term mentally hilarious. --Carol Burnett

Has anyone actually put a proof coin into a bowl of pudding, you know, just to see? / Why did Australia get the criminals and the United States got the Puritans? Because Australia won the coin toss.

May Peace consume your fears
And Joy feed your hopes
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

Cooooooooool ePistle

 

Famous First Words: How can you muster a unit in a place like this? --Recruiter Mother Courage And Her Children by Bertolt Brecht

April is Jazz Appreciation Month. If the film ratings system had been in place, The Jazz Singer would have been rated R because of all the sax. I was feeling really blue; the doctor said I had Mild Davis.

..........And whatever you've got to do.........Ella Fitzgerald …..A Lovely Day Today

The Gospel takes away our right forever, to discriminate between the deserving and the undeserving poor. --Dorothy Day

It is a bright Friday morning. The azure sky is partially covered in fluffy white humidity. There is little breeze to move the willow switches or the now leaf lined mulberry branches. Robins and sparrows have visited and departed leaving the backyard quiet and still. 41°F is normal and neither hot nor cold for an April sunrise although it feels a little bit chilly. A small insect flies by my window and disappears going north. I sip doctored decaf and listen to Puck snoring on his pillow. Fragrance from the few flowers left in the thinning, two week old bouquet still wafts its way through the air to make the morning pleasanter. Ah, and now the crows are here to sing their raucous melodies and scatter the clouds to let a burst of sunshine light up the willow and the mulberry and the world itself.

Hope your weekend is smokin', ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. --G K Chesterton

Great wine is like great jazz; it confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same. There is so much traditional jazz in New Orleans that Louisiana has become a swing state.

..........When I wander through this wonderland alone.........Sarah Vaughn …..Misty

Trivia Questions: Happy DNA Day!

• ^ People are always talking about genes; what percentage of your DNA is made up of genes?
• ^^ What percentage of DNA is the same in all humans?
• ^^^ If you “unrolled” all your DNA how long a chain would that be?
• ^^^^ What other factors influence personal traits besides DNA?
• ^^^^^ Does your DNA change or age?

Big Hello: Gwe' – Míkmaq (Canada & USA) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The older we get, the more we can't believe how old we are.

Image of the Week: A gift from rhb of ks I really love them both. I pick them up and hold them for a while a couple of times a day.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Due to budget cuts 42% of libraries are now renting prime napping spots on Airbnb. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A jazz musician is someone who puts a $5,000 horn in a $500 car and drives 50 miles for a $5 gig. A rocker plays 3 chords in front of 3,000 people. A jazz cat plays 3.000 chords in front of 3 people.

..........If you can keep me, I wants to stay here..........Nina Simone …..I Loves You Porgy

Moonbeam: Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows. --Al Unser Jr

Blasphemy of the Week: Jesus was a liberator of the oppressed, not a mascot for the powerful. --Submitted by sw of ks

Puzzle of the Week: Think of a nine-letter word naming a kind of tool that is mentioned in the Bible. Remove the second and sixth letters and the remaining letters can be rearranged to spell two new words that are included in a well known biblical passage and are related to the area in which the tool is used. What are the three words? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/14/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's good to know who hates you, and it's good to be hated by the right people. --Johnny Cash

Kenny G has made a new album featuring adaptations of Thelonious Monk compositions. It includes some truly unforgettable tracks such as “Round Noon” and “Straight No Changes”. How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb? None, the piano player can screw it in with her left hand.

..........Help me solve the mystery of it.........Dinah Washington …..Teach Me Tonight

^ Genes are short segments of DNA, but not all DNA is made up of genes. All told, genes are only about 1-3% of your DNA. The rest of your DNA code controls the activity of your genes. Your genes influence how you look, how you act, and even how susceptible you are to disease.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 19, 2024. The moon will be full (Pink) next Tuesday (4/23) and is in Virgo. It is National Garlic Day, Day of Silence, National Hanging Out Day, Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), DNA Day, and National Day of No Silence. In Oklahoma City it is Bombing Commemoration Day.

Among those born on this day were Roger Sherman (1721), Thomas McKean (1721), Eliot Ness (1903), Glenn T Seaborg (1912), Dick Sargent (1933), Dudley Moore (1935), Tim Curry (1946), Al Unser, Jr (1962) and Ashley Judd (1968).

On April nineteenth The Netherlands recognized the United States (1782), the California Historical Society formed (1852), Connecticut finally approved the Bill of Rights (1939), Mother Courage and Her Children premiered (1941), Carousel opened (1945), ABC-TV began broadcasting (1948), Chiang Kai-shek was elected president of Taiwan (1948), Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier III (1956), Surveyor III landed on the moon (1967), and Sierra Leone became a republic (1971).

Night Sky, 4/19: Bright Arcturus climbs high in the east these evenings. Equally bright Capella descends high in the northwest. They stand at exactly the same height above your horizon at some moment between about 9 and 10 pm daylight-saving time, depending mostly on how far east or west you live in your time zone. How accurately can you time this event for your location? Like everything constellation-related, it happens 4 minutes earlier each night.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Playdoh Playday

This Week: Saturday, April 20 – 4/20 Day & Auctioneers Day & World Circus Day

Sunday, April 21 -Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day & International Hemp Day & National Yellow Bat Day

Monday, April 22 – Earth Day & National Baseball Day & Beagle Day

Night Sky, 4/22: The Lyrids will peak tonight, displaying a maximum of about 18 meteors per hour in a clear sky.

Tuesday, April 23 – English Language Day & Movie Theatre Day & Talk Like Shakespeare Day & World Book Night

Wednesday, April 24 – Secretary's Day & National Library Outreach Day & Walk At Lunch Day

Night Sky, 4/24: As night descends, look high in the west for Pollux and Castor lined up almost horizontally (depending on your latitude). These two stars, the heads of the Gemini twins, form the top of the enormous Arch of Spring. To their lower left is Procyon, the left end of the Arch. Farther to their lower right is the other end, formed by Menkalinan (Beta Aurigae) and then brilliant Capella. The whole thing sinks in the west through the evening.

Thursday, April 25 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Hug A Plumber Day & Red Hat Society Day

What's the difference between a jazz trumpet solo and a jet plane? About 3 decibels. I feel sad for people like John Coltrane and Charlie Parker who never got to hear third wave ska and find out what those instruments were really capable of.

..........Let's close our eyes and make our own paradise.........Betty Carter …..Let's Fall in Love

^^ We're all 99.5 percent alike. Of the 3 billion base pairs in the human genome, only about 0.5% tend to vary between individuals. While that 0.5% is still what makes us unique, it means we're all more similar than we are different. Studying where those 0.5% are located in the human genome is easier for researchers than to look at all 3 billion base pairs.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm so broke even my reality check bounced. --Submitted by ff of ks

Moonbeam: I find there is something very intimate about being the voice in someone's ear when they're driving. --Tim Curry

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: About one-third of Republicans say they believe Taylor Swift is involved in a covert government effort to help Joe Biden win the 2024 presidential election, a poll from Monmouth University found. The absurd and baseless conspiracy theory in question, which was popularized in right-wing media ahead of Super Bowl LVIII, alleges Swift’s relationship with Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was fabricated by the government as part of a sprawling psychological operations plot. The goal of the purported plot is that the Chiefs’ victory on Sunday would present Swift with an even larger pulpit from which to endorse Biden, swinging the 2024 presidential election in his favor. While the pop superstar endorsed Biden ahead of the 2020 election and has encouraged her fans to vote in recent years, there is no factual evidence to support the conspiracy theory that has quickly moved from the fringe into the public discourse. --CNN

Video of the Week: Meryl Streep as Mother Courage video clips from mother courage and her children - Google Search (3:15) ~~Warning it is interspersed with commentary, but Streep is incredible.

Don't call me a saint. I don't want to be dismissed so easily. --Dorothy Day

That was Charlie Parker's Ornithology. I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed. English is important but Jazz Band is importanter.

..........When some quarrel we had needs mending.........Carmen McRae …..Round Midnight

^^^ Your DNA could stretch from the earth to the sun and back ~600 times. If unwound and linked together, the strands of DNA in each of your cells would be 6 feet long. With about 30 trillion cells in your body, that means if all your DNA were put end-to-end, it would stretch over 67 billion miles. In comparison, the distance between Earth and the Sun is 93 million miles, and it’s “only" 3 billion miles between Earth and Neptune, the planet at the farthest edge of our solar system.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Politics is the entertainment division of the military industrial complex. --Frank Zappa

Weird Word of the Week: Carwhichet or carriwichet – a non-sequitur question... Is it further to LA or by bus? World Wide Words: Carwhichet

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove wine spills or other sports from carpet. Apply Canada Dry Club Soda to the stain, rub it in, wait a few minutes, and sponge it off. Canada Dry®: Wacky Uses

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how Charlie Parker would have done it. How late does the band play? About half a beat behind the drummer.

...........The magic we shared together........Blossom Dearie …..They Say It's Spring

^^^^ Your traits are a product of your genes and your environment. Some of your traits are controlled entirely by your DNA. But most of your traits are controlled by a combination of your genetic information and your environment. For example, your height as an adult is strongly influenced by your DNA. After all, tall biological parents tend to have tall biological children. But, early childhood nutrition also plays a big factor in how tall you become as an adult.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I learned a lot from my mistakes so I decided to make more mistakes to learn more.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Concinnity 24 (20th, Milwaukee School of Engineering) ...As near as I can tell it's a Social Media convention with facebook and tik tok celebrities as guests. Concinnity Home (weebly.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 2024 Tech Expo & Stem Summit (17-19, Orlando, FL) SAEOPP (Education Opportunity Personnel) 2024 National Technology Exposition and STEM Summit - MySAEOPP

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Plowshare → Reap and Sow

Playing jazz trumpet is like marriage; it seems easy until you try it. Pirates and jazz trumpeters have one thing in common – terror on the high “Cs”.

..........you drove me, nearly drove me out of my mind.........Julie London …..Cry Me A River

^^^^^ Your DNA changes over time. For the most part, your DNA is the same now as it was when you were a child, and will be the same when you are much older. But, throughout your life, your DNA acquires random mutations during replication that change your DNA sequence. Most of the time these changes are not noticeable. Additionally, your DNA has special protective caps made of DNA on the ends of the chromosomes, called telomeres. While you age, these telomeres shorten. ~~So while I was getting fat, my DNA was slimming down. Great.

Observation Topic of the Week: When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Quote of the Week: Jazz music is the power of now. There is no script. It's conversation. The emotion is given to you by musicians as they make split-second decisions to fulfill what they feel the moment requires. --Wynton Marsalis

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I walk through the valley of shadow and death, I remind myself that...you can't always trust Google maps. --Submitted by High Church Coyote

Today's Peace of History, April 19, 1977: 16 women in the US House of Representatives formed the Congressional Caucus for Women's Issues.

My goldfish are named Dorian, Lydian, Major, Minor, and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales. Opinions are like assholes...everyone's got one. --Art Blakey

..........I loves da man lak a schoolboy loves his pie.........Bessie Smith …..Saint Louis Blues

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 19, 2024, cOol ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.arsi

Moonbeam: I changed my mind, I ain't complaining. --Mother Courage --Bertolt Brecht

Cost of War:

• As of 04/18/24 State Department Costs: $233,940,033,337.
• As of 04/11/24 State Department Costs: $233,375,633,177.
• As of 04/18/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,212,522,318,443.
• As of 04/11/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,210,945,818,640.
• As of 04/18/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,814,295,243.
• As of 04/11/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,201,198,338.
• As of 04/18/24 Veterans Care: $3,616,492,344,198.
• As of 04/11/24 Veterans Care: $3,604,541,387,056.
• As of 04/18/24 Military Costs: $3,080,304,253,604.
• As of 04/11/24 Military Costs: $3,079,107,218,499.
• As of 04/18/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,309,075,151,571.
• As of 04/11/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,293,173,046,361.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We are the nation most powerful, the most armed and we are supplying arms and money to the rest of the world where we are not ourselves fighting. We are eating while there is famine in the world. --Dorothy Day

Famous Last Words: ...without fear or favour, affection or ill-will. (So help me God) --President's Oath Sierra Leone

..........Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh..........Billie Holiday …..Strange Fruit ~~All of today's songs are famous jazz renditions of famous jazz songs by famous lady jazz singers.

There is nothing to keeping a band together. You simply have to have a gimmick, and the gimmick I use is to pay them money. --Duke Ellington Women and rhythm-section first! --Jaco Pastorius

May Peace play your melody
And Joy keep your tempo
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

6-String ePistle

Famous First Words: We were in class when... Gustave Flaubert: Madame Bovary

Rejoice, it's International Guitar Month! This next song is about the feelings of an expensive, finely crafted instrument spending its life in the hands of a musical hack. / If you know how many guitars you have, you don't have enough.

..........When the dream came..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..On The Way Home

Our world needs peace. Now more than ever. --António Guterres

It is a chilly (47°F) Friday morning. A light southwestern breeze makes the willow dance but does not seem so serious about the chill. Birds of all sizes and songs have already flown over the backyard and the house...sparrows, robins, and a single, large bird I could not name. There are no clouds to hide the bluest sky; it is pale where the sun shines and darker low where the rising sun has not yet penetrated. Both bird song and bird conversation is scattered throughout the trees. A robin sits on a power wire but makes no noise at all. The leaves on the mulberry have pushed into little buds that at any moment will reveal green. Ah, I am sipping creamed and sweetened decaf and iced water. I light a cone of incense to tint even the air with a smidgen of beauty. Wow, another beautiful day.

Hope your weekend plucks all the right strings, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I liked it better when we were the major threat to the state. --rg of kc

Yes, Jimi Hendrix, No, not Jimi Hendrix. Guitars liked the way Jimi played them but not the way he smashed instruments. / Three bass players walked into a bar. They all ended up on the floor bruised but the bar was uninjured.

..........Because the past is just a goodbye..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Teach Your Children

Trivia Questions: Happy National Robotics Week (6-14)

• ^ Which Czech science fiction author coined the word Robot?
• ^^ How many of Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics can you name?
• ^^^ How early did robots appear in movies?
• ^^^^ Can you name the well known robot that appeared in literature before the word was coined?
• ^^^^^ How many of the 25 Real-Life (sic) robots can you name?

Big Hello: Bonzur – Mauritian Creole https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nice sense of meaning you've got there...be a shame if someone were to... subject it to philosophical inquiry.

Image of the Week: The background is a picture of a calendar page and the acknowledgment says: Christine Smith – Lawrence Progressive Calendar November 6, 2016 – April 7, 2024 Thank you for your dedication to Peace and Justice

Observation of the Week: I have long claimed that the secret to happiness is twofold. Lose your expectations and minimize your ego. In the last year I have unexpectedly received two commemorations and spent time sitting around listening to people talk about what I've done and how I did it. pure ego boost. I really hate to admit this, but it has made me happy. Sigh.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Worst April Fools joke in a library is announcing there's cake in the breakroom where there isn't. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

“OMG, it's just about showtime. I'm not going to be able to hit the notes. Everybody's gonna stare at me. I'll break a string. ... Guitar Frets / Dinosaurs that played the guitar are called Jurassic Pluckers.

..........Why can't we go on as three..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Triad

Moonbeam: Impressionism: It is the birth of Light in painting. --Robert Delaunay

Blasphemy of the Week: Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. --Submitted by cf of kc

Puzzle of the Week: The English language developed in a patriarchal society, so many words in our language were traditionally assumed to be male and turned into female versions by adding a prefix or suffix. Waiter and waitress, comedian and comedienne — those are just two examples of the many stereotypically "male" words that become new "female words" by adding a suffix. There is a common English word that works the opposite way, where the uninflected form is used generally for women and to which we add a two-letter suffix for the male form. What is that word? NPR Sunday Puzzle, 4/7/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. --George Carlin

How did Stevie Ray Vaughn protect his guitar from theft? He stored it in a bass case. / Fred put together a rock and roll trio of an Ibanez Genesis, a Salvi Aurora concert harp, and a Luthieros Lyre. Fred called it fusion music but his wife called it String Theory.

..........Shells lie scattered in the sand..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..The Lee Shore

^ You're familiar with Karel Čapek, right? If not, you should be—he's the guy who (along with his brother Josef) invented the word “robot.” Čapek introduced robots to the world in 1921, when his play “R.U.R.” (subtitled “Rossum's Universal Robots”) was first performed in Prague. ~~My absolute favorite Čapek is The Absolute At Large. It is only one of two truly pantheistic novels I know of. (The other is The Golden Ass by Apuleius.)

Almanac: It is Friday, April 12, 2024. The moon will enter the first quarter next Monday (4/15) and is in Gemini. It is International Day of Human Space Flight (UN), D.E.A.R. (Drop Everything and Read) Day, Licorice Day, Look Up at the Sky Day, and Walk on Your Wild Side Day. In North Carolina it is Halifax Independence Day (1776).

Among those born on this day are Aleksandr Ostrovsky (1823), Robert Delaunay (1885), Johnny Dodds (1892), Herbert Mills (1912), Emil T. Petaja (1915), Maria Callas (1923), Tiny Tim (Herbert Butros Khaury, 1932), Herbie Hancock (1940), Ed O'Neill (1946), David Letterman (1947), David Cassidy (1950), Andy Garcia (1956), Shannen Doherty (1971), and Claire Danes (1979).

On April twelfth England adopted the Union Jack flag (1606), England, Ireland and Scotland united (1654), Madame Bovary was published (1857), North Carolina passed an Anti-Klan law (1869), the catcher's mask was first used (1877), the Hippodrome opened (NYC, 1905), the 48 hour work week became law in the UK (1919), Spain voted out the monarchy (1931), Harry Truman was sworn in as the 33rd president (1945), Syria gained independence (1946), Big Joe Turner released Shake, Rattle and Roll (1954), the A's played their first game in KC (1955), Douglas MacArthur declined an offer to become baseball commissioner (1961), Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young released 4 Way Street (1971), the space shuttle Columbia was launched (1981), Texaco filed for bankruptcy (1987), Sonny Bono was elected mayor of Palm Springs (1988), and Euro Disney opened (1992).

Night Sky, 4/12: Just above the crescent Moon this evening is Beta Tauri (El Nath), which at magnitude +1.6 just misses being a 1st-magnitude star. Far to their right or upper right is brighter Capella. A little farther to their left or lower left is Betelgeuse. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: On the yard again...

This Week: Saturday, April 13 – Scrabble Day & Slow Art Day & Thomas Jefferson Day

Sunday, April 14 – National Dolphin Day & Pan American Day & International Moment of Laughter Day

Night Sky, 4/14: The Moon, less than a day before the first quarter, hangs under Castor and Pollux this evening.

Monday, April 15 -Income Tax Day & Jackie Robinson Day & National ASL Day (American Sign Language)

Tuesday, April 16 – National Orchid Day & Save the Elephant Day & National Stress Awareness Day

Wednesday, April 17 – Bat Appreciation Day & Herbalist Day & International Haiku Poetry Day

Night Sky, 4/16: The Lyrids meteor shower is a medium-strength shower that occurs between April 16-25 every year. It peaks next week on the night of April 22, 2024. Meteor showers 2024 — When is the next one? | Space

Thursday, April 18 – Adult Autism Day & Pinata Day & World Amateur Radio Day

How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar? Nobody knows. / A guitar is just a cello after taxes.

..........Though your brother's bound and gagged..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Chicago

^^ Laws of Robotics: 1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2) A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking... --Submitted by FNOG

Moonbeam: Only when I was singing did I feel loved. --Maria Callas

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: The Final Eclipse! There are dozens of examples being shared online, but among the most quoted involve the fact that the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) will be firing up the Large Hadron Collider on that day for the first time in two years. Many online are linking the celestial event to the restart of the device that, more than a decade ago, found the Higgs boson, which many misleadingly label the “God particle”. The Solar Eclipse Is the Super Bowl for Conspiracists | WIRED

Audio of the Week: Here is Songs of 1944 Part 1.Songs from 1944 (Part One) (youtube.com) --Found for us by jb of ks … also born in 1944.

Yet conflict, rising inequalities, persistent injustices, humanity’s war on nature, and a global financial system that is outdated, dysfunctional and unfair, are blocking the path to peace. --António Guterre

Yeah, well, what if the guitar is just a supersized ukulele? / What did the deadhead say when she ran out of weed? OMG this music stinks.

..........Is this not the way it seems..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Cowgirl In The Sand

^^^ Most people couldn't tell you what movie had the first ever robot in motion picture history. The answer is a 1918 silent film called The Master Mystery - which starred Harry Houdini (the famous magician and escape artist).

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If we were all forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say? --Submitted by FNOG

Weird Word of the Week: Bing - British slang for a woman or girl, but it is always disparaging and offensive and signals the user as lower class and unrefined. It’s also now rather dated. World Wide Words: Bint

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make inexpensive soft drinks. Add Canada Dry to fruit juice for a low-cost and healthy beverage. Canada Dry®: Wacky Uses ~~This doesn't strike me as a wacky use. It seems like the primary reason you make the stuff is to add it to other stuff.

A clean shot is when you throw the guitar into the toilet without hitting the sides. / Mary's Gibson Les Paul Tribute was possessed by a demon and no matter how well she played it sounded like fingernails on a blackboard. It was like a lawsuit. Everyone was relieved when the case was closed.

...........And your days will be filled with love..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Pre-Road Downs

^^^^ Does the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz count as a robot? In L Frank Baum's novel, Ozma of Oz, the first-ever introduction of a humanoid-appearance mechanical man that would satisfy the later "humanoid robot" definition occurred in 1907 - some fifteen years before the word "robot" was coined. Tik-Tok was powered with a trio of clockwork movements for his thinking, movement, and speech, none of which he could wind up himself.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know what they say...April snow, earthquake, and eclipse bring May flowers. --Cory Orcutt --Submitted by jm of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fanexpo Cleveland (12-14, Cleveland,OH) An incredible array of media gusts – LOTR, Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, AHSOKA (whatever that is) Celebrities | FAN EXPO Cleveland (fanexpohq.com)

My Solution of the Week: We build a Con Man Hall of Fame. We induct Ponzi and P T Barnum and Madoff...whoever. Then we declare Trump the greatest Con Man of all time. He's the best, the biggest, and all the other stuff he keeps saying about himself. Perhaps then he can retire … happy that he's better than every other con man ... but retire is the key word.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Triennial Earth-Sun Summit (TESS, 7-12, Dallas, TX) participation by the entire Heliophysics community. Triennial Earth-Sun Summit 2024 | AGU

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Widower

The difference between an electric guitar and an onion is that nobody cries when you cut up the guitar. / The difference between an electric guitar and a trampoline is that you remove your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

..........Tin soldiers and Nixon coming..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Ohio

^^^^^ 1) ADIBOT, 2) Ameca, 3) Atlas, 4) Asimo, 5) Automower, 6) Big Dog, 7) Bot Care, 8)Bot Handy, 9) Da Vinci systems, 10) Domino's delivery robot, 11) Leka, 12) Nao, 13) Pepper, 14)Robear, 15) Robo-fish, 16) RoBoHon, 17) Roomba, 18) Shakey, 19) SNAG, 20) Sofia, 21) Spot, 22) Starship delivery robots, 23) Telepresence robot, 24) Walker X, 25) Waymo 25 Real Robots That Exist Today: Real-Life Robots in Everyday Life | Trusted Since 1922 (rd.com)

Quote of the Week: This guitar is such a pal. It’s a psychiatrist. It’s a doggone bartender. It’s a housewife. This guy is everything. Whenever I find that I’ve got a problem, I’ll go pick my guitar up and play. It’s the greatest pal in the whole world. --Les Paul

Second Observation of the Week: April 12: In ancient Roman religion, Ceres was a goddess of agriculture, grain crops, fertility and motherly relationships. April 12 was the opening of Her 7 day Festival, Ludi Cereales, which included the popular Ceres' games, i.e. the Cereal Games. ~~The Original Bowl Games

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If he's selling sneakers and bibles that can only mean he ran out of classified documents. --Submitted by pj of ks

Today's Peace of History, April 12, 1937: 60,000 students across the US took part in the first nationwide student strike. The protest was against participation in any war.

You can make a chainsaw sound like an electric guitar by adding vibrato. / My computer nerd cousin bought a rhythm guitar so he could play algorithms.

..........Now your crosses are burning fast..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Southern Man

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 12, 2024, 6-String ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Jazz is about being in the moment. --Herbie Hancock

Cost of War:

• As of 04/11/24 State Department Costs: $233,375,633,177.
• As of 04/04/24 State Department Costs: $232,815,636,279.
• As of 04/11/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,210,945,818,640.
• As of 04/04/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,209,381,704,390.
• As of 04/04/24 Homeland Security: $1,164,892,923,413.
• As of 04/11/24 Veterans Care: $3,604,541,387,056.
• As of 04/11/24 Homeland Security: $1,165,201,198,338.
• As of 04/04/24 Veterans Care: $3,592,684,963,426.
• As of 04/11/24 Military Costs: $3,079,107,218,499.
• As of 04/04/24 Military Costs: $3,077,919,663,375.
• As of 04/11/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,293,173,046,361.
• As of 04/04/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,277,396,947,787.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Together, let us take action now to build a more inclusive, sustainable, and peaceful world for all. --António Guterres, UN Secretary-General

Famous Last Words: ...to save your doggone soul. --Big Joe Turner Shake, Rattle, and Roll

..........The eagle files with the dove..........Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young …..Love The One You're With

An electric guitar is like a SCUD missile; both are offensive and inaccurate. / My stratocaster named her daughter Amanda Lynn.

May Peace set the tempo
And Joy play the melody
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh: