(not so) mIraculous ePistle

 Famous First Words: It awakens you... Luisa  --Verdi's Lusia Miller

Happy Hanukkah! It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour. Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!" Sheila looked to her husband and said, "Morty...you think it'll work?" Morty said, "Of course! Everybody knows…Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain, dear!"

..........Who can make the sunrise.........Sammy Davis Jr …..Candy Man

There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part. And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. --Mario Savio

It is a foggy Friday morning. There is no wind and the willow – now devoid of leaves – is motionless against the gray sky that extends to the ground. A dog is barking somewhere in a lost and lonely voice. Not Puck, he is deep in his early morning nap. Trees are still and so are power lines and birdlanes and the bare limbs of shrubs. 40°F is not cold but the stillness is eerie and makes one long for birdsong or car motors. Fog mutes the colors of the redwood fence and the yellow siding and even the blue of the storage shed up close. I brew my coffee and sit down at my computer. Long, slow sips bring me out of the sense of being in a world frozen in a dawn moment. The warm liquid clears my throat and sinuses and frees my brain to write to you.

Hope your weekend lasts 8 days, ePistlers, in a good way.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When you usher in December by kicking out the scammers in your life, that's called the Santos Clause. --Submitted by IIWSPIBH

Miriam goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards. She says to the cashier, "Please may I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?" The cashier asks, "What denomination?" Miriam says, "Oy vey, has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."

..........It's the wrong time and the wrong place..........Jimmy Smith …..It's Alright By Me

Trivia Questions: It's Pretend to Be A Time Traveler Day. What do we know about time travel?

• ^ What fairy tale writer wrote the very early time travel story, The Galoshes of Fortune?
• ^^ Besides the Time Machine, Wells wrote another time travel story. Do you know what it is?
• ^^^ What do the letters of Dr Who's TARDIS stand for?
• ^^^^ What time travel novel did Mark Twain write?
• ^^^^^ How many actors have played the role of The Doctor so far?

Big Hello: Buoris – Lule Sámi (Norway & Sweden) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Image of the Week: Lawrence Old Fashioned Christmas Parade 2023 ~~?Reindeer mules?

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Park Rangers caught a camper leaving his garbage lying around for the third time, so he was tranquilized and relocated back to the city.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Turns out the best way to communicate with the Ghost of Christmas Past is via the library fax machine. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.” She continued, “There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy,” replied the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”? To which she answered, “You’re coming empty handed?”

..........Please share my umbrella.........The Hollies with Bobby Eliot …..Bus Stop

Moonbeam: Cease to inquire what the future has in store and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth. --Horace

Question of the Week: If you could create your own holiday, what would it be? https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/funny-philosophical-questions/

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Tom Helfrick, of Sacramento. Think of a common sign seen along a highway (4,4). Rearrange the letters to name something inside a car (4,4).

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm in denial about my accent until I hear myself on video & I sound like a bale of hay. --Submitted by RHOZ

During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe. A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?” The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else would hear and said… “Shh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

..........Into this world we're born.........Doors with Jim Morrison …...Riders On The Storm

^ "The Galoshes of Fortune" is a literary fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen about a set of time-traveling boots, 1838

Almanac: It is Friday, December 8, 2023. The moon was in the last quarter last Tuesday (12/5) and is in Libra. It is Bodhi Day and Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day. Because it is the second Friday in December it is also Official Lost & Found Day.

Among those born on this day were Horace (65 BCE), Queen Christina (1626), Eli Whitney (1765), John Fawcett (1789), Bjornstjerne Bjornson (1832), William Durant (1861), Paul Klee (1879), Diego Rivera (1886), James Thurber (1894), Lee J Cobb (1911), Lucian Freud (1922), Sammy Davis Jr (1925), Jimmy Smith (1925), Maximilian Schell (1930), Mario Savio (1942), Bobby Elliot (Hollies, 1942), Jim Morrison (1943), Gregg Allman (1947), Sam Kinison (1952), Kim Basinger (1953), and Sinead O'Connor (1966).

On December eighth Beethoven's 7th Symphony premiered (1813), Berlioz's La Damnation de Faust premiered (1846), Verdi's Luisa Miller premiered (1849), Vatican I opened (1869), Jesse James gang robbed a train in Muncie, Kansas (1874), the American Federation of Labor (AFL) was formed by 26 craft unions (1886), Olliver Wendel Holmes joined the Supreme Count (1902), the bird banding society was founded (1909), Sibelius' 5th Symphony premiered (1915), Porter's NYCers premiered (1930), coaxial cable was patented (1931), the NAACP filed a suit to equalize the salaries of black and white teachers (1936), Jordan annexed Arabic Palestine (1948), Styne's Gentlemen Prefer Blondes premiered (1949), I Love Lucy revealed Lucy's pregnancy (1952), Beatles Magical Mystery Tour was released (1967), and the Irish Republican Socialist Party was formed (1974).

Night Sky, 12/8 : Before and during dawn Saturday morning the 9th, catch the lovely meetup of Venus and the thin crescent Moon: Astarte and Diana, respectively, for the classically minded. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Max & Ollie in the glow of their own Christmas tree

Extra Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Al Capone was the greatest of all time, if you like criminals. --Donald Trump

This Week: Saturday, December 9 – International Anti-Corruption Day & National Day of the Horse & World Techno Day

Sunday, December 10 – Dewey Decimal Day & International Traffic Light Day & Nobel Prize Day & Jane Addams Day

Night Sky, 12/10: Orion is coming into view low in the east-southeast after dinner time now. And that means Gemini is also coming upon its left (for the world's mid-northern latitudes). The head stars of the Gemini twins, Castor and Pollux, are at the left end of the Gemini constellation — one over the other, with Castor on top.

Monday, December 11 – Green Monday & Kaleidoscope Day & National Sobriety Day & UNICEF's birthday

Tuesday, December 12 – National Ding-a-ling Day & Cocoa Day & Poinsettia Day

Wednesday, December 13 – Pick A Pathologist Pal Day & Day of the Horse

Night Sky, 12/13: The 2023 Geminid meteor shower peaks in the evening of Dec. 14, with meteors also visible on Dec. 13. The Geminids are expected to produce up to 120 meteors per hour at a dark site. The waxing crescent Moon won't interfere with dark skies, making this year's shower good for viewing.

Thursday, December 14 – Money Day & Yoga Day & US Park Police Day

Chanukah Songs: Oy to the World, Schlepping Through a Winter Wonderland; Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky; Come on Baby, Light My Menorah

..........I've got one more silver dollar.........Gregg Allman …..Midnight Rider

^^ H G Wells: The Chronic Argonauts: An inventor takes a companion in his time machine. The companion narrates the story of the subsequent adventures. 1888

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Never forget where you came from, because that's probably where you left your phone. --Submitted by bu of ks

Moonbeam: The political machine triumphs because it is a united minority acting against a divided majority. --Will Durant

Video of the Week: MC Flo: Pot In The Latkes (3:03) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2GOrdxCm6Q

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Elon Musk. Now it's hard to blame him for being a little off balance since up until now he's been able to say, "Look, I know I'm not the worst person in the world, Henry Kissinger is right there." --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/2/23

You can't disobey the rules every time you disapprove. However, when you're considering something that constitutes an extreme abridgment of your rights, conscience is the court of last resort. --Mario Savio

How can you recognize a Hanuka hippie? He's the one with his hair in dreidel-locks. / What's the best gift for the person who has everything? A burglar alarm.

..........I hope you'll understand.........Gregg Allman …..Ramblin' Man

^^^ TARDIS is an acronym for Time And Related Dimensions In Space.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wrapping presents is folding laundry's asshole cousin. --Submitted by dr of oh

Weird Word of the Week: Rizz – charisma and charm (perhaps after Betty “Rizz” Rizzo in Grease) This is the Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Year 2023. Long Address

Dragon of the Week: The Nine Dragons River in Vietnam

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Stuff a scarecrow. Bubble Wrap makes excellent stuffing to fill the pants and shirt when making a scarecrow. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bubblewrap2.html

What's the difference between Channukah and a dragon? One lasted for eight nights and the other just ate knights. / A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What – you didn't like the other one?"

...........Try to set the night on fire.........The Doors with Jim Morrison …..Light My Fire

^^^^ Twain's book was named A Yankee in King Arthur's Count & A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, & A Yankee in the Court of King Arthur at various times. In the book, an engineer from Connecticut named Hank Morgan receives a severe blow to the head and is somehow transported in time and space to England during the reign of King Arthur. 1889 As far as I can tell this was the first time travel movie made in 1921 as a silent film and again in 1931 as a talkie and in 1949 as a musical.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's something that feels British but isn't? The contents of the British Museum. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: CosPlay Expo (8-10, Las Vegas) ...cosplay, anime, video games, comic books, popular culture, science fiction, and other forms of fantasy entertainment. https://www.cosplayexpo.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 77^th PostGraduate Assembly in Anesthesiology (8-11, NYC) ...evidence-based knowledge of primary clinical relevance. https://www.nyssa-pga.org/events/77th-postgraduate-assembly-in-anesthesiology-pga/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Rest Area → Rear Seat

Chanukablanca: It's still the same old Torah, It's still the same menorah, We've latkes still to fry. December's when I feel most Jewish, as time goes by. / A phone lasting all day on 1% battery is a modern day reboot of the Chanuka story. --MyQ Kaplan

..........Makin' life worthwhile.........The Hollies with Bobby Eliot …...Don't Let Me Down

^^^^^ While there are officially 15 numbered Doctors, due to alternative versions of the character there have been 19 different incarnations of the Time Lord over the years. https://www.dexerto.com/tv-movies/doctor-who-every-doctor-and-actor-who-has-played-them-2030888/

Worthless Fact of the Week: On Episode 1 of Jeopardy, the Final Jeopardy! answer was in the category "Holidays": "The third Monday of January starting in 1986" ~~All three contestants got it right – Martin Luther King Jr Day.

Quote of the Week: "The number in 2022 is the highest ever recorded in the U.S." --Sally Curtin, a statistician at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics, regarding a new report she authored that found that at least 49,449 people died from suicide last year in the U.S., a 3 percent increase from the year prior. The report is based on provisional data, so Curtin expects the final number to actually be higher than the current amount. (NPR — Nov. 29, 2023)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Okay listen, hear me out: Rocky Horror Muppet Show. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, December 8, 1961: The people of France voted to grant Algeria its independence in a referendum. This followed more than 130 years of French colonial control of the north African country. The result was a clear majority for self-determination, with 75% voting in favor.

The true hanukkah miracle is that there was only supposed to be one spelling but turns out there are enough letters for eight different spellings! happy hanukkah, hanukah, chanuka, chanukah, chanukkah, blitzen, vixen, & rudolph! --MyQ Kaplan / A remake of 16 Candles would be called Two Chanukkas. --MyQ Kaplan

..........Gonna build a heaven from a little hell..........Sammy Davis Jr …..Gonna Build A Mountain

Extra Plus Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just checked my account balance at the ATM. It printed me a coupon for Ramen Noodles. --Submitted by bc of tx

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, December 8, 2023, (not so) mIraculous ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kenison

Cost of War:

• As of 12/07/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $223,365,261,949.
• As of 11/30/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $222,823,280,690.
• As of 12/07/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,182,985,835,444.
• As of 11/30/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,151,472,031,378.
• As of 12/07/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,154,327,863,677.
• As of 11/30/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,153,739,165,521.
• As of 12/07/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,392,598,258,132.
• As of 11/30/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,381,122,848,903.
• As of 12/07/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,057,878,420,741.
• As of 11/30/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,056,728,977,283.
• As of 12/07/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $9,011,157,122,419.
• As of 11/30/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,995,888,476,487.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I'm tired of reading about history, I want to make it. --Mario Savio

Famous Last Words: Love is all you need. --Final line of the final song on the Beatles Magical Mystery Tour LP.

..........Shaved her leg and then he was a she.........Jimmy Smith …..Walk On The Wild Side

The real reason there are 8 days of Hanukkah is that there is one day for each spelling. / Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We survived. Nu, let's eat.

May Peace light your candles
And Joy keep them burning
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh: --Submitted by PsyDe