eNumerated ePistle

 Famous First Words: C'est lui (It's him) --Albert Camus Les Justes

Here we are at the beginning of the Annual Bird Count (12/14-1/5). Bird counters in Colon, Nebraska who make bad jokes are called comedi-hens. / The prisoners at the jail in Bugtussle, Tennessee participated in last year's bird count; but all they found were jailbirds.

..........Way back up in the woods among the evergreens..........Chuck Berry …..Johnny B Goode

Yea, you shall leave in joy and be led home in peace. Isaiah 57:19

It is a gray Friday morning. The sky cannot decide whether to rain or not. It sprinkles a few drops and then stops. (Weather.com is betting on the rain.) Clouds are slate in color and in texture. There are only puffs and billows near the horizon; the rest is without texture and without a break. 46°F with very little wind is not cold nor hot. The bare willow branches hang motionless from the very highest branches and the mulberry is so still it seems dead. Our local murder of crows came early and had a one-sided conversation with the cat who refused to stick more than her head out the door. She is back to sleeping and the murder is gone. Birdsong is confined to the quarreling sparrows at the feeder. I am drinking my decaf and eating a blueberry muffin which spreads blueberry aroma around my desk and makes my mouth happy. But it is writing to you that makes my heart happy.

Hope your weekend really counts, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just because Alfred is too old to take care of the Batcave, you don't replace him with the Joker. --Jimmy Kimmel

Bird counter from Lisbon, Maine: I'm great at identifying birds. Me: OK, what are those on that tree over there? Bird counter: Yep, they're all birds. / Bird counters use Owlgebra to calculate their results.

..........Out of all the reindeer you know you are the mastermind.........Chuck Berry …..Run, Rudolph, Run

Trivia Questions: It's Bill of Rights Day!

• ^ What does the first amendment cover?
• ^^ What is the obscure third amendment about?
• ^^^ Which is the longest of the Bill of Rights amendments?
• ^^^^ Which amendments didn't make it into the final Bill of Rights?
• ^^^^^ Who wrote these 10 amendments?

Big Hello: Miiyu – Luiseño(Uto-Aztecan spoken in California) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The student with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides. --Sam Saulsbury --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: Hanukkah in Lawrence 2023

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 90% of libraries don't have an elf on the shelf because the staff are already experts in giving silent, judging stares. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Bird counters from Shells Lick, Idaho never make plans. They just wing it. / Question: Are we also required to count the number of squirrels we shoo out of the feeder?

..........Wop bop a loo bop a lop bom bom.........Little Richard …..Tutti Frutti

Moonbeam: There is no other way of enjoying riches and money than by riotous extravagance, declaring that only stingy and niggardly fellows kept a correct account of what they spent. --Nero

Question of the Week: Would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship? https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/funny-philosophical-questions/

Puzzle of the Week: A muffler is part of an automobile. It's also the name of something you can wear. Think of two other parts of an automobile that are also something you can wear. These two words have the same number of letters and the same first two letters in the same order.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear Coca-Cola Company: No more new flavors. Either add the cocaine back, or leave it alone.

Did you hear about the bird counter in Due West, South Carolina who was feeding cannabis to sea birds? She wanted to leave no tern unstoned. / I don't always go bird counting, but when I do the damned birds hide.

..........You know it's a lie.........Buddy Holly …..That'll Be The Day

^Amendment 1: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 15, 2023. The moon was new last Tuesday (12/5) and is in Capricorn. It is Bill of Rights Day, Cat Herders Day, Free Shipping Day, International Tea Day, National Cupcake Day, and National Wear Your Pearls Day. Because it is the Friday of the second full week in December it is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day. Finally, because it is the third Friday of December it is also Underdog Day.

Among those born on this day were Nero (37), Gregory King (1648), Ludwig Ernst (1667), Philippe-Jacques Pfeffinger (1765), Henry Charles Carey (1793), Alexandre-Gustave Eiffel (1832), Charles Duryea (1861), Arthur D Little (1863), Maxwell Anderson (1888), J Paul Getty (1892), Kermit Bloomgarden (1904), Alan Freed (1922), Cindy Birdsong (1939), Tim Conway (1933), Dave Clark (1942), and Don Johnson (1949).

On December fifteenth the Bill of Rights was ratified (VA, 1791), the first US law school was established (University of PA, 1791), the Patent Office burned (DC, 1836), the first street cleaning machine was used (Philadelphia, 1854), Edison patented the phonograph (1877), ground breaking began for the Jefferson Memorial (DC, 1938), Glenn Miller was lost over the English Channel (1944), Camus' "les Justes" premiered (1949), Christine Jorgenson changed her sex (1952), the Equal Access Rule went into effect (1961), the first rendezvous in space was completed (Gemini 6 & Gemini 7, 1965), the Plastic Ono Band played their only concert (1969), the American Psychiatric Association declared homosexuality is not a mental illness (1973), 3 KC Royals were suspended for cocaine use (1983), and Ireland lifted the ban on Playboy magazine (1995).

Night Sky, 12/15: The Summer Triangle is sinking lower in the west now, and Altair is the first of its stars to go (for mid-northern sky watchers). Start by spotting bright Vega, magnitude zero, in the northwest right after dark. The brightest star above Vega is Deneb. Altair, the Triangle's third star, is farther to Vega's left or lower left. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Snow in Seattle

This Week: Saturday, December 16 – National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day

Sunday, December 17 – Wright Brothers Day & Clean Air Day

Night Sky, 12/17: Have you ever watched a Sirius-rise? Find an open view right down to the east-southeast horizon, and watch for Sirius to rise about two fists at arm's length below Orion's vertical belt. Sirius rises sometime around 8 pm now, depending on your location. About 15 minutes before Sirius-rise, a lesser star comes up just to the right of there: Beta Canis Majoris or Mirzam. Its name means “The Announcer,” and what Mirzam announces is Sirius. You’re not likely to mistake them; the second-magnitude Announcer is only a twentieth as bright as the king of stars about to make his royal entry.

Monday, December 18 – Answer the Telephone Like Buddy the Elf Day & International Migrants Day

Tuesday, December 19 – Orthodox Feast of St Nicholas the Wonderworker

Wednesday, December 20 – Games Day & Mudd Day & Poet Laureate Day

Night Sky, 12/20: This week Mercury fades and settles down out of sight in the afterglow of sunset. Venus shines as the bright "Morning Star" in the southeast before and during dawn. It's not quite as high as it was a month or two ago.

Thursday, December 21 –Crossword Puzzle Day & Go Caroling Day & Humbug Day

Night Sky, 12/21: The 2023 winter solstice occurs on Thursday, Dec. 21, 2023 at 9:27 pm CST.

A bird counter in Cleveland, Ohio was astonished to find a male gull who picked up loose change it found on the ground and dropped it in front of homeless people. And a female gull who put trash lying on the beach into trash cans. Actually, the two shared a nest because one good tern deserves another.

..........and make the darkness bright.........The Platters …..Only You

^^ Amendment 3: No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: That single star on the Texas flag is actually a rating.

Moonbeam: The Post articles consistently referred to me as "he," "Jorgensen," or "the Bronx man," as though I were some anthropological missing link. --Christine Jorgensen

Video of the Week: 37 seconds on the Pūteketeke – Bird of the Century

Seek peace and pursue it. --Psalms 34:15

I personally refuse to hike with bird counters. I don't want to be a birdin'. / Bird counters in No Name, Colorado set loose a couple of dozen mechanical ducks in order to attract eagles so they could be counted. The birds picked them up and tried to eat them which resulted in many upset stomachs. The bird counters were arrested because of ill eagles.

..........I'm lonely, but one one can tell..........The Platters ….The Great Pretender

^^^ Amendment 6 is the longest of the first 10. “In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.”

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can tell the age of a fake Christmas tree by counting the rings of tape around the box. --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Rejected OED word of the year: Deinfluencing is the newest Instagram, TikTok and YouTube trend where influencers tell their followers why they should not buy a product. This trend started with the beauty and lifestyle categories but has since moved to other areas and popular products.

Dragon of the Week: Great Eared Nightjar aka The Dragon Bird 

 ~~Australians seem to think it looks like a fluffy baby dragon.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Repel deer. Lay sheets of Bubble Wrap – held in place with stones – on the ground around the outside of your garden. Deer will not walk on bubble Wrap. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bubblewrap.html

A young bird counter from Harmony, Indiana was in charge of this year's count. The town called her the bird babysitter but she had the city change the title to Hootenanny. / Mr and Mrs Blue Jay of Toad Suck, Arkansas got a divorce because he claimed that she had hired the bird counters as private detectives.

...........Put your glad rags on and join me, hon..........Bill Haley & the Comets …..Rock Around The Clock

^^^^ There were originally 12 amendments: “No State shall violate the equal rights of conscience, or the freedom of the press, or the trial by jury in criminal cases,” And “The powers delegated by this Constitution are appropriated to the departments to which they are respectively distributed: so that the Legislative Department shall never exercise the powers vested in the Executive or Judicial, nor the Executive exercise the powers vested in the Legislative or Judicial, nor the Judicial exercise the powers vested in the Legislative or Executive Departments,” were removed from the Bill of Rights

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bologna is just hot dog pancakes. --Submitted by PsyDe

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Proud Nerd Con – Christmas Edition 2023 (16, Trier, Germany) Aber dieses Mal wird es wunderbar weihnachtlich mit passendem Musik, Kitsch und Co.! https://www.proud-nerd.de/event-details/proud-nerd-con-christmas-edition

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 3^rd Advanced Materials Grand meeting (11-16, Kyoto, Japan) High Power Density – Large Scale Stationary Power. https://www.clocate.com/advanced-materials-grand-meeting-mrm-iumrs-ica/50615/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Hood and Hose

A bird counter from Angel Fire, New Mexico was a dog walker by trade. Every single time she took one of her clients with her to the count they managed to sit in the very spot she was watching and counting. So she began to write them down as German Shepbird, Peckingese, and Saint Birdnard. / It was easy for the bird counter from Sleepy Eye, Minnesota to count snowbirds. They set up a virtual reality area for sunbathing on the beaches of Aruba.

..........Why do birds sing so gay..........Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers …..Why Do Fools Fall In Love

^^^^^ The American Bill of Rights, inspired by Jefferson and drafted by James Madison, was adopted, and in 1791 the Constitution's first ten amendments became the law of the land.

Quote of the Week: If more mothers were pastors or preachers, we would likely have a lot more sermons and books about the metaphors of birth and pregnancy connecting us to the story of God. I am rather tired of sports and war metaphors. --Sarah Bessey (Jesus Feminist) -Submitted by MMS

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Does conversion therapy work for bigots? --Submitted by 98%

Today's Peace of History, December 15, 1930: Albert Einstein urged militant pacifism and the creation of an international war resistance fund. Einstein stated in New York that if two percent of those called for military service were to refuse to fight, and were to urge peaceful means of settling international conflicts, then governments would become powerless since they could not imprison that many people.

Bird counters from Waterproof, Louisiana saw about 3 dozen owls flying in formation towards the northeast. They found out later it was spam for Hogwarts. / The top bird counter in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky is called Lord of the Wings.

..........Well, I said come on over baby, we got chicken in the barn.........Jerry Lee Lewis …..Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, 2023, eNumerated ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am. --Alexandre-Gustave Eiffel

Cost of War:

• As of 12/14/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $223,923,660,237.
• As of 12/07/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $223,365,261,949.
• As of 12/14/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,184,545,532,628.
• As of 12/07/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,182,985,835,444.
• As of 12/14/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,154,934,405,285.
• As of 12/07/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,154,327,863,677.
• As of 12/14/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,404,420,318,819.
• As of 12/07/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,392,598,258,132.
• As of 12/14/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,059,062,513,298.
• As of 12/07/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,057,878,420,741.
• As of 12/14/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $9,026,888,094,147.
• As of 12/07/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $9,011,157,122,419.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Speak the truth to one another, render true and perfect peace in your gates. --Zechariah 8:16

Famous Last Words: Oui, Dora. --Albert Camus Les Justes

..........I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store..........Jerry Lee Lewis …..Great Balls Of Fire ~~All of today's songs were from artists promoted by Alan Freed

In the town of Onalaska, Wisconsin, the birds got an injunction. They claimed the bird counters were stalking them. / Bird counters should avoid bird flu! Get Emu-nized.

May Peace create your songs
And Joy give you wings
prairie mama
christine

PS: Yes, all the towns in the jokes are real.