eLfin ePistle

 Famous First Words: An ordinance to dissolve the union... Tennessee Secession Law

Happy Faerie Day!! We were so poor the tooth fairy left food stamps under our pillow. / Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Hot Joke: The National Weather Service has just published instructions on how to bake a lasagna in your mailbox.

..........Sweet, wonderful you.........Fleetwood Mac …..You Make Lovin' Fun

Activism is my rent for living on the planet. --Alice Walker

It is a rainy Friday. It is a gentle morning rain falling from a featureless slate gray sky. The whole world smells of rain and dampness. Puck and I walk through the precipitation. I can see how far apart the drops are by the tiny circles they make in the puddles and small streams**. The patch of ground that was, just yesterday, made bare of its bushes and vines is of particular interest to us both. I can clearly see how far back the yard goes and how densely covered it was. Puck can smell places that have never been accessible before. Also this end of the block looks different, looks clean and ready for something. The rain begins to pick up, so we head back to the house. My shoulders are wet and Puck stops to shake off water now and again. The house is warm and smells of coffee. I fix some – ½ n ½ and sweetener -and sit down here at my computer to write to you. What a great morning.

** In one of the Thursday Next novels, Thursday's daughter, Jenny, is working out the math of how we can move between falling raindrops and never get wet. I think it's One Of Our Thursdays Is Missing but I could be wrong.

Hope your weekend is filled with sundew and beebread, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wow, I made it through another day without needing an AR-15. --Submitted by ss of kc

Meditation of the Week: What do you say when God sneezes?

The neighborhood fairies are having a yard sale. Everything is 60% off. That's what I call fair retail. / Not all fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time...” Some start “If my judgeship is confirmed”...

Hot Joke: I just saw a fire hydrant chasing a pack of dogs.

..........Pull out the stops, turn on the light.........Fleetwood Mac …..Morning Rain

Trivia Questions: It is the 513^th Anniversary of Henry the VIII coronation.

• ^ How many of his six wives can you name?
• ^^ Who were Henry's parents?
• ^^^ What two institutions did Henry create that still endure today?
• ^^^^ Which of Henry's children actually ruled England?
• ^^^^^ Next to which wife is Henry buried?

Big Hello: Tere - Estonian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Where do I keep my money? In my memories. --Submitted by bc of tx

Max Picture of the Week: Max and his bare feet with grandma and her Jayhawk socks

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 78% of library chairs are strategically placed one foot further away from the nearest outlet than your charging cord will reach. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The sprite in my backyard had a double major in physics and genealogy. She became the fairy of relativity. / Rapunzel has been removed from the fairy tale shelf and moved to the hairy tale one.

Hot Joke: I bought a loaf of bread and a quart of milk, but when I got home I had toast and yogurt

.........Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.........Fleetwood Mac …..Don't Stop

Moonbeam: History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. --Ambrose Beirce

Puzzle of the Week: Take the last name of a famous 20th-century American. The 5th, 6th, 7th, and 1st, 2nd, and 3rd letters, in that order, name a European capital. Who is the person, and what capital is it? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 6/19/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. --Submitted by ff of ks

Week of the Week: Old Time Fiddlers Week (20-25) --The worst pub I've ever been in was called “The Fiddle”. It was a vile inn. / The Hobbit who plays fiddle at the local pub is known as the Lord of the Strings.

The neighborhood fairies held a Renaissance Carnival on a tiny island in the middle of our koi pond. The admission ticket is a fair fairy faire ferry fare. / The fairy codmother came to our house and granted wishes for every fish in the aquarium.

Hot Joke: My kite crashed and burned,

..........Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice.........Fleetwood Mac …..Gypsy

^ Henry's wives: 1) Catherine of Aragon 2) Anne Boleyn 3) Jane Seymour 4) Anne of Cleves 5) Catherine Howard 6) Katherine Parr

Almanac: It is Friday, June 24, 2022. The moon will be new next Tuesday (28^th) and is in Taurus. It is Celebration of the Senses Day, International Fairy Day or Faerie Day, and Take Your Dog To Work Day. In Europe Midsummer Day is celebrated and Peru celebrates Countryman's Day/Day of the Indian/Dia del Indio. In Zaire it is Constitution Day.

Among those born on this day were E. I. DuPont (1771), John Hughes (1797), Henry Ward Beecher (1813), Gustavus Franklin Swift (1839), Amrose Bierce (1842), Jack Dempsey (1895), Harry Partch (1901), Norman Cousins (1912), Fred Hoyle (1915), John Ciardi (1916), Jack Carter (1923), David McTaggart (1932), Mick Fleetwood (1942), Arthur Brown (1942), Jeff Beck (1944), and Astro (1957).

On June twenty-fourth 10th recorded perihelion of Halley's Comet (451), Eton College was founded (1441), Henry VIII was crowned (1509), Henry VIII divorced Anne of Cleves (4th, 1540), the first republican constitution was adopted in France (1793), Tennessee seceded (11th and last, 1861), Joe DiMaggio hit 2 homeruns in one inning (1936), Hopalong Cassidy debuted (NBC, 1949), Zanaibar became independent (1963), and Resurrection City closed (1968).

Night Sky, 6/24: 40 minutes before sunrise 5 planets will be visible in the sky along with the moon. Mercury, Venus, the moon, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn will appear in their order from the sun. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Resurrection City, 1968 This protest was hosted by the Poor People's Campaign and here is an article about the PPC's event last weekend. Poor People’s Campaign holds Moral March on Washington | WTOP News

This Week: Saturday, June 25 – Day of the Seafarer & Global Beatles Day & National Catfish Day

Sunday, June 26 – America;s Kids Day & Bar Code Day & Harry Potter Day & National Canoe Day

Night Sky, 6/26: After dark, look southeast for orange Antares, "the Betelgeuse of summer." (Both are 1st-magnitude "red" supergiants). Around and upper right of Antares the other, whiter stars of upper Scorpius form their distinctive pattern. The rest of the Scorpion curls down toward the horizon.

Monday, June 27 – Industrial Workers of the World Day & National Sunglasses Day & Celebrate Joy Day

Tuesday, June 28 – International Body Piercing Day & National Logistics Day & Tau Day

Wednesday, June 29 – International Mud Day & World Camera Day

Night Sky, 6/29: This is the time of year when the two brightest stars of summer, Arcturus and Vega, are about equally high overhead soon after dark: Arcturus toward the southwest, Vega toward the east. Arcturus and Vega are 37 and 25 light-years away, respectively. They represent the two commonest types of naked-eye star: a yellow-orange K giant and a white A main-sequence star. They're 150 and 50 times brighter than the Sun, respectively — which, combined with their nearness, is why they dominate the evening sky.

Thursday, June 30 – Asteroid Day & Disabled Veterans Day & NOW (National Organization for Women) Day

The brownie who lives behind our curtains majored in philosophy. We call him ThinkerBell. / A fairy dust what a fairy must.

Hot Joke: It's so hot in Kansas even Kris Kobach's heart is melting.

..........Woman taken by the wind.........Fleetwood Mac …..Rhiannon

^^ Henry VIII was born at Greenwich on 28 June 1491, the second son of Henry VII and Elizabeth of York. He became heir to the throne on the death of his elder brother, Prince Arthur, in 1502 and succeeded in 1509.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My aunt got a divorce and I asked how she felt. She said, “I thought I had an anxiety disorder, but it turns out it was just your uncle. --Amy Silverberg --Submitted by FNOG

Moonbeam: The classroom should be an entrance into the world, not an escape from it. --John Ciardi

Video of the Week: Summer Solstice Blessings - YouTube

Poem of the Week: Roses are red, Limes are Chartreuse, Greg Abbot's a dick, And so is Ted Cruz. --available as a shirt from Frogtee

We can't just hope for a brighter day, we have to work for a brighter day. --Dolly Parton

The hermit fairy in our backyard never showers. She's called StinkerBell. / My neighbor has a fairy with an eating disorder. Her name is Thumbulimia

Hot Joke: Remember to drink lots of water and stay indoors between 11 am and November 4^th.

..........I want to be with you everywhere.........Fleetwood Mac …..Everywhere

^^^ Henry VIII established the Church of England and the Royal Navy.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 2022: The year it was cheaper to smoke grass than to cut it.

Weird Word of the Week: Tautochrone – a curve on which an object falling under gravity will reach the bottom in the same amount of time, no matter from where it starts. World Wide Words: Tautochrone

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and his bare feet with grandma in her Jayhawk socks

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize (a closet, garment storage bags, shoes) Sprinkle or place a whole open box of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda in the bag, the closet, and/or the shoes. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

Fairies never ask for directions; they just wing it. / Vegan fairies tell fairy kales.

Hot Joke: I tried to water the lawn but steam came out of the sprinkler.

...........In that house on the hill.........Fleetwood Mac …..Big Love

^^^^ Henry had a daughter Mary with Catherine of Aragon, Elizabeth with Anne Boleyn, and a son Edward with Jane Seymour. All three children would rule England after Henry’s death, with Elizabeth, the last monarch of the Tudor dynasty, ruling for a celebrated 45 years.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you want to keep your feet on the ground, miss a couple of car payments. --Submitted by rc of kc

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Magic City Con 2022 (24-26, Birmingham, AL) –Featuring the Valhalla Cafe Magic City Convention - Home

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Summer Blast – Super STEM Week: (2024, Topeka, KS) --hands-on activities to encourage engagement with Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. Summer Blast- Super STEM Week! (topekacollegiate.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: (Charles) Lindbergh → Berlin

Cinderella knew this was her real fairy godmother because the new dress had actual, decent-sized pockets in it. / That time when all those fairy tale characters were forced into Shrek's swamp is known in fairy history books as Marsh Madness.

Hot Joke: It's so humid in Kansas people are surfing; they're surfing heat waves

..........Let's give it a try........Fleetwood Mac …..Tell Me Lies

^^^^^ Henry died at Whitehall, England, on January 28, 1547, aged 55. He was buried next to his third wife, Jane Seymour, in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.

My Own Writing of the Week: The worse part of being forced to not like sex was frigidity, which is basically defined as a woman’s inability to have a vaginal orgasm. Good doctors wrote scholarly papers about it and published them in respectable psychology journals. It was declared epidemic and was listed as one of the causes of the breakdown of contemporary marriage and the family unit. {Yes, the family has been disintegrating since at least the 1940s). There were lots of theories...latent lesbianism...god just made them that way. Not a single article suggested that men were simply not very skilled at making love. They should have given us all a copy of that cute little book from the 20s instead of the kotex pamphlet.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it. --Mae West

--Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life. --Fernando Pessoa

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Insane how the US grew up right next to Canada and we turned out like this—it's like when one sibling goes to Harvard and the other dies pantsless in a meth lab explosion. --Emily Murnane --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History, June 24, 1980: A general strike was held in El Salvador against death squads, primarily military or paramilitary units carrying out political assassinations and intimidation as part of the Salvadoran government's counterinsurgency strategy.

Putin asked a fairy: Where will I be in July? The fairy answered: I see you in a limo driving through Kiev. Everyone is cheering. Putin asked, “Am I waving to them?” “No,” the fairy answered, “the coffin is closed”.

Hot Joke: The wasps have removed their yellow jackets and are flying nude.

..........And she's tryin' to make a devil out of me.........Fleetwood Mac …..Black Magic Woman

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 24, 2022, Elfin ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: A library is the delivery room for the birth of ideas, a place where history comes to life. --Norman Cousins

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: When is there going to be a tampon ad that reflexes my point of view? Black single Dad tampon rap: Your body is changing in mysterious ways, It's nature; nature don't play, It happens about every 28 days, Period --Brian Babylon Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/18/22

Cost of War:

• As of 6/23/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,087,784,952
• As of 6/16/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $180,535,170,320
• As of 6/23/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,064,900,159,716.
• As of 6/16/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,063,356,213,834.
• As of 6/23/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,108,405,575,150.
• As of 6/16/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,107,802,163,627.
• As of 6/23/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,497,475,865,743.
• As of 6/16/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,485,713,092,430.
• As of 6/23/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,968,220,571,365.
• As of 6/16/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,967,048,388,785.
• As of 6/23/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,820,094,685,917.
• As of 6/16/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,804,523,483,765.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept. --Angela Davis

Famous Last Words: ...I stepped into the room. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

..........When the moon was full and bright.........Fleetwood Mac …..Tango in the Night

Hot Joke: In Kansas, farmers are giving chickens crushed ice to prevent them from laying hard boiled eggs.

The Fairy Chess master always takes extra minutes to decide her opening move. She wants pawn time. / That fairy who lives under the oak tree is a philosopher. He's always searching for the tooth.

May Peace inform your magic

And Joy educate your mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Submitted by jb of ks

Reclusive ePistle

 Famous First Words: D'ye think you're gonna hang around those prize fighters every day? --Opening line of the very first Barney Google comic strip

Happy Hermit Day! A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself. --Will Cuppy / I started a hermits association club in my neighborhood. It's really nice. Nobody ever turns up. I think I'm really on to something.

..........Where a little ball o' rhythm has a shoe-shine stand.........Red Foley …..Chattanoogie Shoe Shine Boy

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. --John Wesley

It is late (after 11 am) and already fairly hot (90°F) and humid (45%). I am late because I have been to the doctor – routine checkup, I'm okay. Biggest news there is that the office got a cat. She's very gentle and comes and lays at your feet, but doesn't really want you to pet her. Ideal. We also have 9 mph winds which don't do a whole lot to cool it off, but it does make the tree limbs dance around nicely. There are no actual clouds in the piece of sky that I can see from here; but there is so much moisture that it looks like there are foggy spots in the sky. Puck is laying at my feet – keeping cool. I'm listening to Maria Muldar on the earphones and drinking diet cola...because I had to fast until I got to the doctor for blood work, so no coffee. But here I am cozy and cool, certified to be still alive, in a room with a floor, and you to write to, what more do I need...

Hope your weekend has the peace of the hermit and the joy of the sophomore party goer, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. --Groucho Marx

Hermit crabs have been known to have symbiotic relationships with sea anemones. Crabs allow them to ride around on their shells and will even share food with them. You know the old adage: keep your friends close and your anemones closer. / Ideologies, like dogs, remain just outside the hermit's door. --Sylvain Tesson

..........Go jump on my train when I'm outta sight.........James Brown …..Soul Power

Trivia Questions: Happy Republic Day, Iceland !

• ^ Iceland has the world's oldest parliament? How old is it?
• ^^ How densely populated is Iceland?
• ^^^ How big is Iceland's standing army?
• ^^^^ What cheeseburger is on display in the National Museum?
• ^^^^^ What event does Icelandic Beer Day celebrate?

Big Hello: Hello – English (Britain) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't always make the right decisions, but when I do, it's eventually. --Submitted by ea

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the very blue tongue

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 44% of librarians can never find their keys but they can recall intricate plot detail for books they read in middle school https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Some guy on my Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit. How dare she make such baseless accusations. / Hummingbirds obviously can't remember the words, but hermit hummingbirds can't remember the tune either.

..........Morning, just another day..........Barry Manilow …..Mandy

Moonbeam: Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal. --Igor Stravinsky

Meditation of the Week: Can people ever truly change?

Puzzle of the Week: What is the name of a country that contains a deodorant and an air freshener in consecutive letters.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I ate a Popsicle and ended up with $38.00 in lumber. ---Submitted by RHOZ

Week of the Week: National Week Of Making (17-23) --I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach. / When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: “You might want to sit down for this.”

A man lost everything in his life...he just lost his job, his house, his car, and the wife left with the kids. All that is left is $50 from his pocket. Lost and wandering around, he stumbled upon an old hermit. The hermit asked him what was wrong and he told his story. The hermit offered him a book, told him it's the "Book of Secrets", and it would change his life blah blah blah. He said he could have it for $50 since he seemed to be a good guy. The man was desperate, so he gave his last $50. The hermit taught him how to use the book, to follow all instructions except for one, that whatever happens, don't look at the last page. The hermit left, the man started reading the book, but because of curiosity, he couldn't help but read the last page. Sadness took the man as he read the last page, tears fell in his eyes. The last page said "Goodwill Bookstore 50¢".

..........Come here, mama, and dig this crazy scene.........James Brown …..Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

^ Dating all the way back to the year 930, the first national parliament was founded in Thingvellir, which is now a national park .

Almanac: It is Friday, June 17, 2022. The moon was full (Strawberry) last Wednesday and is in Aquarius. The United Nations has declared this World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought. It is Eat Your Vegetables Day, Stewart's Root Beer Day, Work@Home Father's Day. In Iceland it is Republic Day (1944) and in Japan they celebrate the Lily Festival. Because it is the third Friday it is also Ugliest Dog Day and National Flip Flop Day ( Shoes).

Among those born on this day were Edward I (1239), John Wesley (1703), Jon Sigurdsson (1811), John Robert Gregg (1867), Igor Stravinsky (1882), Sammy Fain (1902), Ralph Bellamy (1904), Red Foley (1910), Stringbean (David Akeman, 1915), Crazylegs Hirsch (1923), James Brown (1928), Barry Manilow (1946), David Concepcion (1948), Joe Piscopo (1951), and Michael Gross (1964).

On June seventeenth Drake landed in California (1579), Goodyear obtained his first patent (1837), the Republican Party opened its first convention (1856), the Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC (1885), the Barney Google cartoon strip debuted (1909), the first kidney was transplanted (1950), Julius and Ethel Rosenberg received a stay of execution (1953), Blacks began boycotting city stores in Tuskegee (1957), Brazil won the 7th World Cup (1962), Bible reading and prayer in public schools was outlawed (1963), and 5 people were arrested burglarizing Democratic Party Headquarters at Watergate (1972).

Night Sky, 6/17: The waning gibbous Moon rises around midnight with Saturn glowing steadily about 7° to its left. Saturn is magnitude +0.7. Partway between it and the Moon look for Delta Capricorni, magnitude +2.8. By the beginning of dawn Saturday morning this array is high in the south, now aligned more upright. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Happy Flip Flop Day – Texas style

This Week: Saturday, June 18 – International Surfing Day & International Sushi Day & World Juggling Day

Sunday, June 19 – Juneteenth & World Sickle Cell Day & World Sauntering Day

Night Sky, 6/19: The Big Dipper hangs down by its handle high in the northwest. Spot the star at the end of its handle, the highest one. That's Alkaid, the tail of Ursa Major. Spot the Sickle of Leo much lower in the west. The brightest star about two fists upper left of the Sickle is Denebola, the tail of a different carnivore: Leo. About a third of the way from Alkaid to Denebola is a fainter star: Cor Caroli (Alpha Canum Venaticorum). And what is two thirds of the way along that line? Nothing? Look again, maybe in a darker sky or with wide-field binoculars. You're looking into the big, dim Coma Berenices star cluster. The cluster's brightest members form a sort of upside-down Y. The entire cluster is about 4° wide — a big, dim, irregular glow in a fairly dark sky, roughly the size of a ping-pong ball at arm's length. It nearly fills a binocular view.

Monday, June 20 – National Hike With A Geek Day & Flitch of Bacon Day

Tuesday, June 21 – Midsummer Day & Make Music Day & World Giraffe Day

Wednesday, June 22 – International Day of Radiant Peace & World Rain Forest Day

Night Sky, 6/22: Mars and Jupiter, very different at magnitudes +0.6 and –2.3 respectively, shine in the east-southeast before and during early dawn. From Jupiter, look for little Mars 8° to the lower left on the morning of June 11th. Their gap widens to 12° by the 18th. t at magnitudes +0.6 and –2.3 respectively, shine in the east-southeast before and during early dawn. From Jupiter, look for little Mars 8° to the lower left on the morning of June 11th. T

Thursday, June 23 – Let It Go Day & Pink Flamingo Day & Typing Day

A traveler meets a blind hermit who tells her:"There's a clear distinction between us, young woman", to which the traveler responds thoughtfully: I see.. " / A hermit Ibis and a seagull are flying over Germany. The seagull asks, "Hey, do you speak any German?" The other answers, "ibis-chen."

..........The moment you danced by, I felt a thrill.........Sammy Fain …..That Old Feeling

^^ Iceland has an average of about 8 people per square mile (or 3 people per kilometer). Like many sparsely populated countries, most of Iceland’s people reside in cities: Reykjavik houses roughly 1/3 of the country’s population. Iceland’s population is about 300,000 people, which is about 1/10^th the population of San Francisco.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you wanna make it harder to buy a gun, we gotta make it harder to buy a politician. --Tea Pain --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: Hollywood made a movie of my life; the film had me proposing to my wife on the football field...I would never misuse a football field that way. --Elroy “Crazylegs” Hirsch

Video of the Week: David 'StringBean' Akeman - It's Mighty Dark To Travel - YouTube (1968)

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The only thing worse than major corporations ignoring important advances in civil rights is them trying to help. For example, in Australia, Burger King introduced the Pride Month Whopper which is a standard whopper only the bun is now either two tops or two bottoms. --Peter Segel Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/11/22

The antidote to despair is action. --Justin McElroy

Hermit crabs call their utility bills Shell Fees. / The league of hermits is so NEET. ~~Not in Education, Employment, or Training.

..........When there's no destination.........James Brown …..Living In America

^^^ In fact, Iceland is the only NATO country not to have a standing army, air force, or navy. It does have a Crisis Response Unit (ICRU), which is a small, peacekeeping force of about 200 staff. These employees do not carry arms or wear a uniform in most circumstances. There’s also a national coast guard and air defense system. However a lack of a standing army means there is no permanent, professional, full-time military force.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bourbon has never been recalled for e-coli. Suck it lettuce.

Weird Word of the Week: Sardoodledom - It commemorates the French playwright Victorien Sardou. His plays were extravagant spectaculars, full of contrivance and written to a mechanical formula, often being designed as vehicles for famous actors and actresses of the day.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the Seven League Boots

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Minimize the smell of dirty laundry. Sprinkle some baking soda into your hamper or launder bag. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

You probably haven't heard the one about the hermit and the agoraphobic; it was an inside joke. / Judy has a hermit hummingbird feeder. One day she put Red Bull in it and she's pretty sure the birds fluttered back in time.

...........Oh, my music makes you dance........Barry Manilow …..I Write The Songs

^^^^ Along with armed forces, another thing you’re unlikely to see in Iceland is a Big Mac. The last cheeseburger sold in Iceland is still on display as a museum exhibit. Visitors to the National Museum in Iceland can see the meal, dating back to 2009, encased in glass.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hot take: people only like summer because it was our only time off for like 12 years and it's ingrained in our minds to like it. The actual season is fucking atrocious. --Uni --Submitted by ar of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: LibertyCon 34 (17-19, Chattanooga, TN) LibertyCon had its first convention back in 1987. We have a copy of every single program book we have used throughout the years. Home | LibertyCon

Actual Science Conference of the Week: TNW Conference (16-17, Amsterdam) –TNW Conference is like Woodstock for innovators. TNW Conference – June 16 & 17 • Amsterdam • Europe's leading tech event (thenextweb.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bangladesh (Band + Glade)

Sorry, I've been such a bad friend lately. But I am becoming an awesome hermit. / I climbed the mountain to find the hermit of wisdom, but all I found was a Starbucks.

..........In that small cafe, the park across the way..........Sammy Fain & Irving Kahal …..I'll Be Seeing You

^^^^^ Beer Day, March 1^st, is an unofficial celebration of the end of Beer prohibition in 1989. This is no time for judgment: Beer was banned for over 74 years, so they’re making up for lost time!

My Own Writing of the Week: The punishment for being a bad girl was that no one would want to marry you. She's not the kind of girl you take home to meet your mother, ha ha ha. I'm not sure I ever thought that was a real punishment. I was content with the thought of making cookies for nieces and nephews. But, women didn't have the employment opportunities or the wage levels of men. Many women felt they needed to be provided for because the labor market didn't let them provide for themselves.

By the way, the same people that said real women didn't like sex told women to relax and enjoy it if they were being raped. A sentiment that I heard repeated as late as the 90s by one of those politicians who doesn't believe that rape should be a crime. It is always passed off as a joke, later. ~~~~because a woman who has just been raped always enjoy a good laugh. --From Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and tall tales from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: I told him that the stuff his people were shoveling out to the public was bullshit. --William Barr, former attorney general

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't go to Hell. I'm all out of vacation days. --Burgerpants, Undertale

Today's Peace of History, June 17, 1873: The trial began for Susan B. Anthony, charged with voting (knowingly casting an illegal vote) without the right to do so because of her being a woman. It was tried in Judge Ward Hunt’s Canandaigua, New York, federal courtroom with, among others, former President Millard Fillmore in attendance. Anthony thought she could vote, however, because she registered four days before the election and, no objections being raised, was added to the voter rolls. She based her right to vote on the 14th amendment to the constitution, passed and ratified recently in the wake of the Civil War.

I was halfway up the mountain to visit the wise hermit when I saw this sign that said, “Please Don't Bother Me. Answers to your question will be included in next week's podcast. / Peter Noone, who was Herman of Herman's Hermits, has invented a combination rocking chair and wheelchair. He calls it rock and roll.

..........When I was young I had an automobile.........Red Foley …..Too Old To Cut The Mustard

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 17, 2022, Reclusive ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: Twitter is somewhat important in telling you what you should want. --Michael Gross

Cost of War:

• As of 6/16/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $180,535,170,320
• As of 6/09/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $179,976,668,189
• As of 6/16/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,063,356,213,834.
• As of 6/09/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,061,796,555,962.
• As of 6/16/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,107,802,163,627.
• As of 6/09/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,107,198,582,553.
• As of 6/16/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,485,713,092,430.
• As of 6/09/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,473,948,816,243.
• As of 6/16/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,967,048,388,785.
• As of 6/09/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,965,864,134,949.
• As of 6/16/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,804,523,483,765.
• As of 6/09/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,788,781,802,915.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. --Christopher Robin

Famous Last Words: I lift my lamp beside the golden door. --Emma Lazarus The New Colossus (engraved on the Statue of Liberty)

..........Oh, no, no, no, ain't no use.........James Brown ,,,,,Give It Up or Turn It Loose

I do love being a recluse and living in the cave in the mountain, but the internet service is really slow. / Recently a hermit crab became a star rapper under the name Dr Shell. He is clawsome.

May Peace point the way

And Joy blaze the trail

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Domesticated ePistle

 Famous First Words: God, grant me the serenity... Serenity Prayer AA

Happy Pet Appreciation Week! My pet snail Sammy recently took up racing but wasn't doing so well. So he decided to get rid of his shell so It would make him streamlined and faster. Instead it only made him sluggish. / My pet duck Douglas gets up at the quack of dawn.

..........What a rare mood I'm in.........Gene Kelly Almost Like Being IN Love (Brigadoon) ~~All of today's songs are from musicals composed by Frederick Loewe.

To prohibit discrimination on account of sex in the payment of wages by employers engaged in commerce or in the production of goods for commerce. --The Equal Pay Act of 1963

It is a rainy Fri...oops, sunny Frida...oops..varied Friday morning. As we step out the front door for our walk it is raining and sunning at the same time – with NO rainbow. I feel cheated. Clouds are varied: thin streaks, piles of white with the top crown lit by a sun which may or may not be hiding behind clouds elsewhere in the sky. The 67°F temperature is lovely and the breeze is light but moves the leaves and branches in a late spring dance. The world smells of rain. Puck especially likes to sniff after a rain. I don't know whether it uncovers old smells or transports new ones from the sky and from further up the hill. The new generation from the mosquito farm is hatched and hungry. Mosquitoes buzzing near the ear adds to the birds' sounds that fill the air and disguise the distant sound of car motors. There are the squawks of grackles and the quarreling of sparrows, crows cawing in the distance, and the single sad hoot of the mourning dove, pacing the roof top three houses down. The sun, which had disappeared totally for a few minutes, is now out again illuminating the wonderful colors washed clean...green leaves and green grass, flowers of yellow and red...even the bike with the Spiderman helmet hanging on the handlebars add to the festive array. As we come back home, Puck lithely jumps a tiny stream of water slowly seeking the lowest point before it can rest. The clouds have moved on and now the sky is mostly sky – blue and clear. I sit at my computer with tasty creamy decaf and thoughts of you. Beautiful day.

Hope your weekend is loyal and loving – you, know, like your dog, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Because telescopes use mirrors, we'll never know about space vampires. --Weird Howard --Submitted by bc of tx

My pet goat Godfry has taken up martial arts. We call him the Karate Kid. / My pet frog Francis is very green and very loud. The neighbors call him Froghorn.

….......I talk to the stars but they never hear me........Clint Eastwood …..I Talk to the Trees (Paint Your Wagon)

Trivia Questions: Happy National Poultry Day !

• ^ Speaking of chickens (gallus domesticus), to what other fowls are they most closely related?
• ^^ Do chickens dream?
• ^^^ How fast can a chicken run?
• ^^^^ What is the biggest recorded egg size?
• ^^^^^ Worldwide how many domesticated chickens do you think there are?

Big Hello: Häj ą dig – Elfdalian (Sweden) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: All my passwords are protected by amnesia.. --Submitted by JM of ks

Max Picture of the Week: Max heels over head

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 29% of library staff have a repetitive use injury from frequently shaking their head ”no”. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

My pet kangaroo Karen hates rainy days because the kids have to play inside. / My pet octopus Otis moved to Texas to live with his cousin Otto. He had heard that Texas is well armed.

..........When temptation comes you'll give right in.........Stanley Holloway …..With a Little Bit of Luck (My Fair Lady)

Moonbeam: A man, well, he'll walk right into Hell with both eyes open. But even the devil can't fool a dog. --Earl Hamner Jr.

Meditation of the Week: Is happiness just chemicals flowing through your brain or something more?

Puzzle of the Week: Take a common abbreviation found in text messages. Reverse the first two letters, and the result sounds like something else often found in text messages. What are these things?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Compromise on assault weapons. If we can't just ban them, let's change the age you can buy them from 18 to 57. --Al Franken

Week of the Week: National Flag Week (12-18) - A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too." / Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist. It’s usually the other way around.

My pet ewe Ewing and my pet porcupine Porsche fell in love. Now they have a kid that can knit her own sweaters. / My pet sheep Shelly committed a string of bank robberies and now she's behind baas.

..........I've seen how you sparkle.........Robert Goulet …..If Ever I Would Leave You (Camelot)

^ The chicken is actually a member of the pheasant family. Gallus domesticus is a domesticated subspecies of the red junglefowl. The red junglefowl is a member of the pheasant family that is native to Asia. Further genetic studies have found that the grey junglefowl also played a part in the evolution of chickens as we know them.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 10, 2022. The moon was in the first quarter last Tuesday and is in Libra. It is Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day, Ballpoint Pen Day, Iced Tea Day, and Poultry Day. In the Azores it is Camoes Day (1580) and Portugal celebrates Day of Portugal (1580). Because it is the second weekend it is also Banana Split Days. National Lemonade Days, and Poultry Festival.

Among those born on the day were Gustave Courbet (1819), Immanuel Velikovsky (1895), Frederick Loewe (1904), Howlin' Wolf (1910), Terence Rattigan (1911), Saul Bellow (1914), Judy Garland (Frances Gumm, 1922), Earl Hamner, Jr. (1923), June Haver (1926), Maurice Sendak (1928), F. Lee Bailey (1933), Ron Glass (1945), Matthew Fisher (1946), and Timothy Van Patten (1959).

On June tenth the first Dutch settled on Manhattan (1610), Franklin's kite was struck by lightning (1752), NY passed laws regulating the medical profession (1760), The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a Declaration of Independence (1776), the rubber tire was patented (1846), Tristan & Isolde was first performance (1865), the Elks were formed (1899), the first forest fire lookout tower was built (1905), Robert Smith and William Wilson formed Alcoholics Anonymous (1935), the Italian Republic was established (1946), Janis Joplin gave her first live concert (1966), and Coca Cola returned to its old formula (1985).

Night Sky, 6/10: Now Spica sparkles to the Moon's right after dusk. Look roughly twice as far lower right of Spica, and there are the four brightest stars of sail-shaped Corvus. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Gas prices ($.14 or $.11 per gallon) in Kansas City in 1938. It's the corner of Shawnee Mission Parkway and Belinder

This Week: Saturday, June 11 – Artichoke Days & Young Eagles Day & World Gin Day

Sunday, June 12 – Race Unity Sunday & Loving Day & World Day Against Child Labor

Night Sky, 6/12: The Big Dipper hangs high in the northwest as the stars come out. The Dipper's Pointers, currently its bottom two stars, point lower right toward Polaris. Above Polaris, and looking very similar to it, is Kochab, the lip of the dim Little Dipper's bowl. Kochab stands precisely above Polaris around the end of twilight or a little after. How precisely can you time this event for your location, perhaps using the vertical edge of a building?

Monday, June 13 – Random Acts of Light & Roller Coaster Day

Tuesday, June 14 – Flag Day** & Family History Day & National Bourbon Day

** Flag Etiquette

Wednesday, June 15 – Magna Carta Day & Worldwide Day of Giving & Global Wind Day

Night Sky, 6/15: Mercury is deep in the glow of sunrise. Venus magnitude rises soon after the beginning of dawn. Look for it just left of due east. It's at least three fists at arm's length lower left of Jupiter. Venus will continue to rise around the beginning of dawn all the way through August.

Thursday, June 16 – Bloomsday & Fudge Day & Recess At Work Day

My pet mouse Mona drives a minivan. / My pet toad Tori dressed as Darth Vader for Halloween. Now I have star warts.

..........It's plain as it can be they thought of you and me.........Leslie Caron …..The Night They Invented Champagne (GiGi)

^^ Chickens experience REM sleep – which means they are capable of dreaming. I wonder what a chicken dreams about.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We truly regret that gay marriage attacks the sanctity of your fourth marriage. --St. Mary Magdalene Episcopal Church --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: “Don't be afraid to face the facts, and never lose your ability to ask the questions: Why? and How?" ~ Immanuel Velikovsky”

Video of the Week: Paddington Bear joins the Queen for afternoon tea at Buckingham Palace - YouTube

Quote of the Week: The real problem of humanity is the following: We have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and godlike technology. --Edward O Wilson

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Peloton gave all 2,800 fired people a year long subscription... to each of them. Because there is nothing any laid off person likes more than spending hours a day staring at people still employed by the company yelling at them to work harder. --Bob Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/4/22

It is not enough to win a war; it is more important to organize the peace. --Aristotle

My pet mouse Morris loves cheese so much we renamed him Julius Cheeser. / My pet calf Cadbury texts a lot but mostly he used emooojis.

..........A tenor sang. A baritone.........Hermione Gingold & Maurice Chevalier …..I Remember It Well (Gigi)

^^^ Chickens can run up to 9 mph.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A saint was asked – What is anger? The reply was “It is a punishment we give ourselves, for somebody else's mistake. --Submitted by HPF

Weird Word of the Week: Scacchic – pertaining to chess. from the Italian for chess, scacchi* World Wide Words: Scacchic

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie at the raindrop races

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove coffee or tea stains from china. Dip a damp cloth in baking soda, gently rub the china, and rinse clean. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

My pet cow Cora's favorite television program is Dr Moo. / My pet wasp Walter is really just a wanna bee.

...........What merriment is the king pursuing tonight..........Richard Harris …..I Wonder What the King Is Doing Tonight (Camelot)

^^^^ The largest chicken egg is reportedly 3.6 inches long and 2.5 wide and weighs a whopping 7 ounces making it three times heavier than a standard sized chicken egg. The proud owner resides in Heilongjiang Province, China. The same hen is reported to have once laid four eggs in a single day.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4 Year Old: I don't have any other feet. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Southwest Florida SpaceCon 2022 (11, Ft, Meyers, FL) General Admission: $15 / $12 for those in costume SWFL SpaceCon Fort Myers Science fiction/ comic / anime con gaming

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Computer and Information Engineering (10-12, NYC ) Connect, Meet, and Build a Strong Network ICCIE (Jun 2022), International Conference on Computer and Information Engineering, New York USA - Conference (10times.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: OMG --> Emoji

My pet pig Peter wanted to sleep in bed with me, but he hogs all the covers. / I can stop my pet skunk Skoot from smelling by holding his nose.

..........In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire.........Rex Harrison & Audrey Hepburn …..The Rain In Spain (My Fair Lady)

^^^^^ At around 25 billion chickens in the world, there are more of them (all breeds combined) than any other bird species on the planet.

My Own Writing of the Week: When I was in high school, I babysat in a home with a wonderful, eclectic library. (They also had a full pipe organ in the basement...but that's another story) I found a sex manual from the 1920s. But it spoke of orgasms ... as something worth pursuing. The book became my porn. I read all about oral sex and simultaneous climaxes. I discovered that men came quicker than women (and mused that nature had somehow blown it there). I learned about multiple orgasms and anal sex. And I learned it all with cute little illustrations of a man and his wife (often in a cute little apron) kissing. Best of all, this small tome taught me that there is such a thing as researching the topic. It became a side quest of mine.

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it. --Bette Davis

By tenth grade I had discovered that the bad girls were way more interesting than the rest of us. I began to think it might be worth looking into the bad side just for the personality enhancement and the catalog of conversational topics it would provide. Apparently, sex was much darker and more mysterious than my little book suggested, why else would grownups act so stupid about it? And yet they never spoke of it. Television refused even to hint at it; they made married couples, even married in real life couples, sleep in separate beds. --From Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and tall tales from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: There are only five real people in Hollywood. Everybody else is Mel Blanc. --Jack Benny

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe a new slogan for Fox News should be: For those who can't handle the truth. --Dan Rather

Today's Peace of History, June 10, 1963: The “Equal Pay Act of 1963” was passed and signed into law; it guaranteed women equal pay for equal work. The legislation was a result of the recommendations of President John F. Kennedy’s Commission on the Status of Women.

Our pet pig Pippa is so smart we call him Ein-swine. / My pet elephant Ella can't stop cleaning. We call her Cinderelephant.

..........And now I'm lost, so gol'darn lost not even God can find me.........Harve Presnell …..They Call The Wind Maria (Paint Your Wagon)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 10, 2022, Domesticated ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I refuse to lie to children. --Maurice Sendak

Cost of War:

• As of 6/09/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $179,976,668,189
• As of 6/02/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $179,416,434,538
• As of 6/09/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,061,796,555,962.
• As of 6/02/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,060,231,367,375.
• As of 6/09/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,107,198,582,553.
• As of 6/02/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,106,589,923,123.
• As of 6/09/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,473,948,816,243.
• As of 6/02/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,462,085,158.528.
• As of 6/09/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,965,864,134,949.
• As of 6/02/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,964,675,807,963.
• As of 6/09/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,788,781,802,579.
• As of 6/02/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,772,994,666,915.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

"If you don't know the guy on the other side of the world, love him anyway because he's just like you. He has the same dreams, the same hopes, and fears. It's one world, pal. We're all neighbors." --Frank Sinatra.

Famous Last Words: ...and all the bitterness of loving. --Tristan and Isolde

..........who held out her hand and I stayed and stayed.........Jimmy Thompson …..I'll Go Home With Bonnie Jean (Brigadoon)

My pet shark Sherry's favorite snack is peanut butter and jellyfish. / My pet pig Hamm insisted we build his house out of mahogany.

May Peace attend your mind

And Joy befriend your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: