ePistle !@#$%

 Famous First Words: Be it enacted... An act to create the Judicial Courts of the United States...

It's Punctuation Day !@#$%@#$ A giant panda walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a salad and drink. The food arrives, he eats it, pays for his meal and tips the barkeep. Then he pulls a pistol, fires a round into the air, and just walks out of the bar as though this were the most normal thing in the world. A customer looks at the bar keep and says "What the hell was that all about! Was the food bad or something, and was that just a panda in a bar!?" Barkeep says "Now calm down... Let's just look this up". He reaches under the bar and pulls a dictionary. "Alright here it is," says the barkeep. "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves" / Punctuation saves lives: Let's eat Grandpa. Let's eat, Grandpa

..........gonna build a daydream from a little hope.........Anthony Newley …..Gonna Build A Mountain (Stop The World I Want To Get Off)

Kindness has no religion. Religions are like narrow tracks but kindness is like an open sky. --Amit Ray

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A 61°F temperature allows for a sweater and the pale, pale blue sky has a hint of either clouds or decaying jet trails making veils that stretch as far as I can see. There is no wind; even the willow branches are still. An awkward noise of an unseen bird breaks what passes as silence which is made up of Puck snorts, distant dog barks, and traffic from another street. The world is, miraculously, still green and lush. Only a few brown cottonwood leaves dot the green lawns and ditches. We walk until Puck turns and heads home enjoying every minute of our morning walk. But now we are back home. It smells of brewing coffee. So I fix myself a cup and take the tiniest sip of the very hot liquid. Ahhh. And now I get to sit down and write to you. Double ahhhhhh....

Hope your weekend is punctuated with fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cat Sommelier: This is a full-bodied Bordeaux with plum, mulberry, and dark cherry notes. It should make a cool stain on the carpet. --Submitted by PsyDe

I stole the punctuation keys from the police station's typewriter. They gave me a long sentence. / I'm giving up drinking for a month. (oops, incorrect punctuation) I'm giving up. Drinking for a month!

..........I'd make life paradise for someone really nice like you.........Anthony Newley …..Someone Nice Like You (Stop the World I Want To Get Off)

Trivia Questions: It is Bluebird of Happiness Day! What do we know about the beloved symbol?

^ Do you have any idea what the mating season is for bluebirds?

^^ What kind of birdhouse do bluebirds prefer?

^^^ What kinds of bluebirds do we have in the US?

^^^^ Do bluebirds migrate?

^^^^^ How did the bluebird get associated with happiness?

Big Hello: Bonjou – Gallo (Brittany) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. --Erma Bombeck

Max Picture of the Week: Max in the Cave of the Pillows

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 52% of librarians have been kicked out of a bookstore. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party. The party is for Asterisks only, and only Asterisks can enter. At some time the doorbell rings. One Asterisk opens the door and sees a Dot. The Asterisk says to the Dot: "I'm sorry, you cannot enter, this party is for Asterisks only" And the Dot says: "Idiot, it's me, Starburst. I put gel in my hair!" / What do you call a punctuation mark with a girlfriend? Accommodating

..........I defy any cloud to appear in the sky.........Anthony Newley …..A Wonderful day Like Today (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

Moonbeam: Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy . --F Scott Fitzgerald

Meditation Seed of the Week: Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The difference between Atheists and Evangelicals is that atheists are honest about not following Jesus. --Betty Bowers --Submitted by ksz of kc

Week of the Week: National Go-Kart Week (20-26) --I just got back from riding go-karts with my son. We had a wheely go time.

The asterisk was invented by someone seeing a cat's butt and thinking that it would make a great punctuation mark. It was almost a catastrophe. / Santa outlawed punctuation at the north pole when he learned that commas separate Clauses.

..........There's always a funny man in the game.........Anthony Newley …..The Joker (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

^ Bluebird nesting occurs from March through August. Only the female incubates the four to six eggs, which she maintains at a temperature of 98 to 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Bluebirds are generally monogamous, staying together throughout the breeding season, and may breed together for more than one season. However, some birds may switch mates during a breeding season to raise a second brood.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 24, 2021. The moon will be in the last quarter next Wednesday and is in Taurus. It is Bluebird of Happiness Day, National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day, Punctuation Day, Robin Hood Day, Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving, and Vegan Baking Day. Because it is the fourth Friday of September it is Native American Day. Finally because it is also the last Friday it is also Hug A Vegetarian Day and Support Purple for Platelets Day.

Among those born on this day were Girolamo Cardano (1501), Horace Walpole (1717), John Marshall (1755), F Scott Fitzgerald (1896), Don Porter (1912), Sheila MacRae (1924), Anthony Newley (1931), John Brunner (1924), Jim Henson (1936), Mean Joe Greene (1946), and Joseph Kennedy II (1962).

On September twenty-eighth the second Council of Nicaea opened (787), Faneuil Hall opened to the public (1742), Congress passed the first Judiciary Act creating the supreme court and the position of Attorney General (1789), Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the Peace Treaty of Adrianople (1829), the first baseball team was organized (1845), the dirigible was demonstrated (1852), Black Friday (Wall Street panicked when Gould & Fisk attempted to corner the gold market, 1869), the National Black Convention met (Louisville, KY, 1883), Operation Magic Carpet moved all the Jews from Yemen to Israel (1950), President Eisenhower suffered a heart attack on vacation in Denver (1955), President Eisenhower ordered US troops to desegregate Little Rock schools (1957), the US Circuit Court of Appeals ordered the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith (1962), The Munsters premiered (1964), 60 Minutes premiered (1968), and Barbara C Harris became the first woman elected Episcopal bishop (1988).

Night Sky, 9/24: this is the time of year when, during the evening, the dim Little Dipper "dumps water" into the bowl of the Big Dipper way down below. The Big Dipper will dump it back in the evenings of spring. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Not from Kansas... Sharice Davids is our lesbian Native American representative to the house of representatives. The group is, I think, the sunrise movement of KC supporting her.

This Week: Saturday, September 25 – International Lace Day & Math Storytelling Day & National Lobster Day

Sunday, September 26 – Forget-Me-Not Day & Happy Daughters Day & World Contraception Day

Night Sky, 9/26: Cygnus the Swan floats just about straight overhead these evenings. Its brightest stars form the big Northern Cross. When you face southwest and crane your head way, way up, the cross appears to stand upright. It's about two fists at arm's length tall, with Deneb as its top. Or to put it another way, when you face that direction the Swan appears to be diving straight down (something real swans never do).

Monday, September 27 – Ancestor Appreciation Day & National Scarf Day & Crush A Can Day

Tuesday, September 28 – National Drink Beer Day & National Good Neighbor Day & National Woman Road Warrior Day

Wednesday, September 29 – International Coffee Day & World Heart Day & Michaelmas

Night Sky, 9/29: Uranus (magnitude 5.7, in southern Aries) climbs high in the east by midnight. Neptune (magnitude 7.8, at the Aquarius-Pisces border) is high in the southeast by 9 or 10 p.m.

Thursday, September 30 – Ask A Stupid Question Day & National Love People Day & World Maritime Day

I recently won the Westminster Punctuation Competition. My prize was an apos+trophy. / I love eating babies and smiling but I hate punctuation

..........what we see will defy explanation.........Anthony Newley …..Pure Imagination (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^ Eastern bluebirds are particular about the homes they raise their young in. They like snug boxes with a 4-inch-square base and a 1¾-inch-diameter entry hole.

Name the Poet of the Week: Gully Foyle is my name, Terra is my nation, Deep space is my dwelling place, the stars my destination? Answer below

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. --Submitted by cf of ks

Moonbeam: The most sophisticated people I know – inside they are all children. --Jim Henson

Video of the Week: Colonel Sanders on What's My Line? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk4Eq8IcQMk

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie in the cave of books

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: "The city truly feels alive again". Good news for visiting in-laws and New Jersey residents, Broadway is back. The Lion King, Wicked, and Hamilton reopened on Tuesday, thrilling both of the Broadway fans who hadn't seen those shows yet. But it's a little scary because the CDC report recently revealed that the Delta variant is spread by unearned standing ovations. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/18/21

We must be ready to learn from one another, not claiming that we alone possess all truth and that somehow we have a corner on God. --Desmond Tutu

A Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “What's the WiFi password?” The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first.” So the guy buys a beer and asks again, “what' the WiFi password?” The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first, all lowercase, no spaces or punctuation.” / A cat has claws at the end of its paws but a comma has pauses at the end of its clauses.

..........Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew.........Anthony Newley …..The Candyman (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^^ North America is home to three species: eastern bluebirds in the East (~~Duh), and both western and mountain bluebirds in the West. It’s possible to see both eastern and westerns in a very small portion of the Southwest.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm a Republican and I support the constitution and working people. Sure, and I'm a prostitute and a; virgin. --Submitted by bu of ks

Collective Noun of the Week: An armory of aardvarks. https://www.jellyfish.com/en-gb/training/blog/collective-nouns

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/alkaseltzer.html

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Jim Levering of San Antonio, Texas. Think of an affliction in 5 letters. Shift each letter three spaces later in the alphabet — for example, A would become D, B would become E, etc. The result will be a prominent name in the Bible. Who is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 9/30/18

Hyperbole is, without a doubt, the single most magnificent thing that has ever happened in the world, ever! / Never date apostrophes, they're very possessive.

...........I've got a golden twinkle in my eye.........Anthony Newley …..I've Got A Golden Ticket (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^^^ Bluebird families flock together until fall, when they merge with other family flocks. Some, but not all, bluebirds residing in the northern portions of the range migrate to southern latitudes, but those residing in southern latitudes tend to be residential.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hormel Foods made their first batch of Spam in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food they have announced they will be making their second batch later this week. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Necronomicon 2021 (24-26, Tampa,FL) ~~Book of the Dead, I guess. Florida has the 3^rd highest number of COVID cases in the US. But, if you're into risk... http://www.stonehill.org/necro.htm

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Marine Science & Aquaculture (ICMSA) (924, Baltimore, MD) ...aquaculture industry and seafood security https://www.allconferencealert.com/event-detail.html?ev_id=591331&eventname=international-conference-on-marine-science-and-aquaculture-(icmsa)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ebola --> Herod

;) Yes, a winky face. But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as “complete sentences.” / I tried to rob a bank, but the teller gave me my note back and said the stick up is not hyphenated.

..........Fresh as an April morning, soft as a tulip's tongue.........Anthony Newley …..That's What It Is To Be Young (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

^^^^^ According to folklore, many Native Americans hung dry gourds to entice bluebirds to nest near their settlements so they can enjoy their enchanting songs of happiness and hope. Just gazing upon one of the little flying cobalt creatures of contentment is said to bring joy.

My Own Writing of the Week: To start with, there's sagging. Loose flabby skin hanging off your body is not more attractive than fat arms or fat legs. I used to have three chins. Now I have 2 chins and a layer of skin that waves in a strong wind. Sometimes it sounds like hummingbirds made out of pudding are flying around my head. The skin hangs under the arms making it impossible to hold my hands straight down. So I get to walk around with my elbows stuck out as if I were a body-builder or Popeye. Not exactly the image I wanted for myself when I started. --From The Downside of Losing Weight

Extreme Topiary of the Week: Periods

Name Of the Poet of the Week: Gully Foyle was the creation of Alfred Bester in the novel, The Stars My Destination

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I need to get my life together but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in. --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History, September 24, 1968: 10,000 draft files were destroyed by fourteen anti-war activists with homemade napalm in Milwaukee, Wisconsin..

Theiyr're --Take that, grammar police. / Punctuation: I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

..........Deep down you know the world is still your toy.........Anthony Newley …..Cheer Up Charlie (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 24, 2021, !@#$% ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Men change their gods, and when they have changed them often enough they cease to fear their power. --John Brunner

Cost of War:

As of 9/23/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,922,224,486,841.

As of 9/16/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,921,048,021,966.

As of 9/23/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,084,846,718,595.

As of 9/16/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,084,244,173,532.

As of 9/23/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $150,398,633,932.

As of 9/16/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $158,843,748,807.

As of 9/23/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,004,320,416,877.

As of 9/16/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,002,770,375,540.

As of 9/23/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,038,269,310,514.

As of 9/16/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,026,518,210,174.

As of 9/23/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,209,061,338,879.

As of 9/16/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,193,427,267,802.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace hath higher tests of manhood, than battle ever knew. --John Greenleaf Whittier

Famous Last Words: I did my own research...

..........One wonderful moment.........Anthony Newley …..Once In A Lifetime (From Stop The World I Want To Get Off)

I don't judge people on their race, creed, color, or gender. I judge people on spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. / What do you get when you cross a joke with a hypothetical question?

May Peace bring you happiness

And Joy bring your serenity

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: --Submitted by MMS