eErie ePistle

 Famous First Words: Well, This morning has started out like a galloping golden retriever on a freshly waxed hardwood floor. Not Right Metaphors

Happy Halloween 'een!! Ichabod was afraid of everything, especially at Halloween. He was walking home on the 31^st when he heard a strange snuffling noise behind him. He ran so hard he fell into a pile of pumpkins. He fell on some, some fell on him. The coroner said he was gourd to death. / On Halloween all the skeletons in town have a big party, they call it an Osetoblast.

..........Writing's on the wall.........Stevie Wonder & Jeff Beck …..Superstition

Power always thinks...that it is doing God's service when it is violating his laws. --John Adams

It is a cold (39°F) but windless Friday morning. The sun is rising over the trees and housetops, slowly enlightening the thinning trees and still green grass. Bruno is walking the perimeter sniffing and looking. But Puck is asleep at my feet. His snuffling and the hum of the computer sing fajr for me. A squirrel skitters down a tree branch stopping to fluff his tail, perhaps he is practicing his dance moves for a political rally later. I bring my coffee cup up to my face and inhale the steamy richness twice, before taking a sip. Ah, at last the morning can really begin.

Hope your weekend scare is all in fun, my glorious goblins

Halloween Advice: Never trust Wiccapedia. It said it was a simple sleep potion recipe but instead I woke up to an ice storm.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've spent the last 3 hours on the IRS website but I haven't found the Pre-Pay button yet.

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 7 months now. I don't think I need a day dedicated to it anymore... --Submitted by #RHOZ / A vampire's worst fear is tooth decay.

Real Scary Stuff: It's exhausting being a liberal. Latte-drinking snowflake one day, raging mob member the next. Whew!

..........And something evil's lurking in the dark.........Michael Jackson …..Thriller

Trivia Questions: Happy National Candy Corn Day

^ Any idea who invented candy corn~~If I ever invent a time machine, I promise to go back in time and stop him or her.

^^ Goelitz Confectionery Co first manufactured the candy; know what they called it?

^^^ About how many “kernels” are sold annually?

^^^^ Care to guess the calorie count of a single kernel?

^^^^^ Besides chicken feed what other kinds of candy corn are there?

Big Hello: Halo – Bislama (Vanuatu, Oceania) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In case you thought 2020 couldn't get any worse, Merriam-Webster just officially recognized “irregardless” as a word. --Jamie Lee Curtis --Submitted by ss of mo

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 42% of librarian dates end up with one person looking something up on Wikipedia while the other checks IMDB https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Obligatory Super Hero Joke: Batman and Robin dressed up as Laurel and Hardy for Halloween. / I hear that both North and South Scarolina are filled with goblins and ghouls. / It is only bad luck to be chased by a black cat if you are a mouse.

Real Scary Stuff: WTF, I Fell in love and now I gotta share a bedroom for the rest of my life?

..........I was trailed by twenty hounds.........Grateful Dead …..Friend of the Devil

Moonbeam: The soul is healed by being with children. --Fyodor Dostoevsky

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Pumpkin

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Glass coffins … will they be ppular? Remains to be seen --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: International Magic Week (25-31) --I bought a magic carpet but it has never guessed one of the cards I've drawn. / If you like magic, raise your hand. If you don't like magic, raise your standards.

Obligatory Chicken Joke: Why didn't the ghost cross the road? He didn't have any body to go with him. / Witches rarely have children because so many wizards have crystal balls.

Real Scary Stuff: Trump could shoot me on 5^th Avenue and I would still find a way to vote for Biden. --Submitted by bu of ks

..........I see trouble on the way..........Creedence Clearwater Revival …..Bad Moon Rising

^ Candy corn was invented by George Renninger, an employee of the Wunderle Candy Company of Philadelphia in the 1880.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 30, 2020. The moon will be full (Hunter's and Blue) tomorrow. It is Checklist Day, Create A Great Funeral Day, Devil's Night or Mischief Night, Haunted Refrigerator Night, and National Candy Corn Day. Because it is the last Friday it is also Frankenstein Friday, International Bandanna Day, and National Breadstix (Bread Sticks) Day.

Among those born on this day were John Adams (1735), Richard Sheridan (1751), Feodor Dostoevski (1821), Ezra Pound (1885), Charles Atlas (1893), Ruth Hussey (1917), Ted Williams (1918), Ernie Flatt (1928), Louis Malle (1932), Jim Perry (1936), Grace Slick (1939), Henry Winkler (1945), Robert L "Hoot" Gibson ( 1946), Harry Hamlin (1951), and JoAnne Russell (1954).

On November thirtieth Helena, MT was founded (1864), the ballpoint pen was patented (1888), Welles' War of the Worlds broadcast paniked the nation (1938), the USSR and Germany agreed to partition Poland (1939), shoe rationing ended in the US (1945), the US military desegregated (1954), and Stalin's coffin was removed from Red Square (1961).

Night Sky, 10/30: Vega is the brightest star very high in the west these evenings. Its little constellation Lyra extends to its left, pointing as always to Altair, currently the brightest star high in the southwest. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max as unsung Superhero Cardboard Man

This Week: Saturday, October 31 – National Doorbell Day & National Knock-Knock Joke Day & Samhain

Night Sky,10/31: Full Moon for Halloween. The Moon (exactly full at 10:49 a.m. EDT) rises in the east about a half hour after sunset, depending on your location. This is the second full Moon in calendar October in many of the world's time zones, including those of the Americas, making this a "blue moon" for those time zones.

Daylight Savings Time Ends a Sunday November 1^st at 2 am

Sunday, November 1 – Plan Your Epitaph Day & Give Up Your Shoulds Day & World Vegan Day

Night Sky, 11/1: Every Halloween – and a few days before and after – the brilliant star Arcturus sets at the same time and on the same spot on the west-northwest horizon as the summer sun. What’s more, this star rises at the same time and at the same place on the east-northeast horizon as the sun does during the dog days of summer.

Monday, November 2 – Cookie Monster Birthday

Tuesday, November 3 – Cliché Day & Public Television Day

Wednesday, November 4 – National Me Make Dinner Day & Stout Day

Night Sky, 11/4: Uranus is well up in the east by 9 pm dst about 20° east of Mars. Neptune is a little higher in the south-southeast at that time.

Thursday, November 5 – Firewood Day & Play Monopoly Day

Obligatory Walks into a bar Joke: A witch walks into a bar and the bartender asks her, “How do you like your poison?” The witch answers with an apple, thanks. / Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? She didn't have the guts. / Is it true that vampires make tea with used tampons?

Real Scary Stuff: If you think Pope Francis is too liberal, wait until you meet Jesus. –Submitted by sd of ks

..........She can rock you in the night-time 'til your skin turns red.........Eagles …..Witchy Woman

^^ When Goelitz first produced candy corn it was called “chicken feed”. The boxes were illustrated with a rooster logon and the slogan “Something worth crowing for”.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How much mint do I have to muddle into this mojito for it to count as a serving of vegetables?

Halloween Advice: You can act as spiritual as you want, but if you go around doing horrible things to people, then you are still a prick.

Moonbeam: Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. --Ezra Pound

Late Night Snacks of the Week: This whole year, everyone has been waiting for an October surprise, and it turns out the October surprise is that we’re still talking about the same shit we were talking about in March. --Trevor Noah / His latest slogan is “No oil, no guns, no God.” Finally, the long-awaited sequel to Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV. --Jimmy Kimmel / If you looked at the recent Covid news, you might want to Purell your eyeballs, because it’s clear that this virus is going everywhere, fast. --Stephen Colbert / Trump will only be happy if every time you turn on the evening news, the top story is ‘handsome president wows nation with dance moves!’ --Seth Meyers

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie in an unidentified animal hoodie.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Fear of being on Zoom when you do not want to be on Zoom. After eight months of doing everything virtually, people have become terrified that they're still screen-sharing when they're doing things they no longer want to share, like eating or undressing or Toobin. But this is more or less inevitable for all of us. We spend so much time in front of our screen for work and for socializing and then for entertainment. And then when we finally get away from our screens, we end up in a hotel room with Borat's daughter, and we have to lie down to tuck in our shirt. It never ends. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 10/24/20

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I only realised I had the talent when I noticed that the rabbit playing opposite Patrick Stewart in Waiting For Godot was the same one I'd seen playing Buttons to Les Dennis's Widow Twanky in 1982. --Jasper Fforde The Constant Rabbit

Great is the guilt of an unnecessary war. --John Adams

I always gave my children the same advice when I sent them out to trick or treat: Remember, I like Snickers and M&Ms. / Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop. / The mummy walked into a bar and ordered a double scotch. She wanted to unwind.

Real Scary Stuff: My mask broke at the store. I felt like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl.

..........He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent.........Warren Zevon …..Werewolves of London

^^^ According to the National Confectioners Association, about 9 billion kernels (more than 35 million pounds) of candy corn are sold annually.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Phobias are caused by memories passed down genetically from our ancestors.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's as if Camus, Kafka, Beckett, Ionesco, Vonnegut, and Brecht all got together, got drunk on absinthe and wrote 2020. --Submitted by eg of mt

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A guy tried to sell me a coffin today. I hold him, “That's the last thing I need.”

Weird Word of the Week: Panurgic – able or ready to do anything https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store leftovers. Keep leftovers for single services in Ziploc Storage Bags for quick meals. ~~I do not think this is a wacky use – I believe it is the use for which the bags were invented.

When the grim reaper comes for me I intend to compliment his hoodie. / A dyslexic vampire walks into a bra. / I understand that vampires are giving free COVID-19 tests to any interested human.

Real Scary Stuff: At my age I don't use facebook to connect with old friends, I use a Ouija board.

...........And then she is the darkness.........Fleetwood Mac …..Rhiannon

^^^^ One candy corn is about 5 calories. A one-ounce serving has 110 calories.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: To all my northern friends...Your weather is down here in my yard drunk. I'm gonna need you to come down here and get it. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: People who deny the existence of dragons are often eaten by dragons. From within. --Ursula K Le Guin

Actual Science Joke of the Week: Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. --Albert Einstein

Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May you never remember these curses when you try to.

Dorothy the Demon was arrested for possession. / A man dressed as a dwarf for Halloween walks under the bar. / Witch Hazel became angry at the used car salesman's insinuation. “I can drive a stick better than anyone in town,” she declared.

Real Scary Stuff: There's an app for your phone that will identify which of your high school friends would have joined the Nazi party in the 1930s. It's called “Facebook”.

.........Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel.........Vaughn Monroe …..Riders In The Sky

^^^^^ Jelly Belly currently makes candy corn and 1) Valentine's Day (pin, red, and white) 2) Reindeer Corn (green, white, and red) 3) Bunny Corn – pastel colors) Brach's makes Indian Corn for Thanksgiving (brown, orange, and white) and Autumn Mix candy corn.

Month of the Week: November is National Gratitude Month --I feel a very unusual sensation – if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude. / I just wanted to wish you a happy early Thanksgiving before my will to live is drained by everything involved with Thanksgiving.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you're ever sad, just remember the world is 4,543 billion years old and somehow you managed to exist at the same time as The Beatles. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Today's Peace of History, October 30, 1995: Over 80 people were arrested at Sugarloaf Mountain in southern Oregon during a massive direct action to prevent clear-cutting of old-growth forests on public land by private timber companies.

Halloween. Wearing masks, eating candy, listening to scary stuff. Isn't that what we've been doing the last 7 months? / If every time a door closes another one opens, your house may be haunted. / Greta the teenage ghost used to spend all day on the couch with her phone and the TV. It was a case of paranormal inactivity.

Real Scary Stuff: Currently, my years are carrying my headphones, sunglasses, and a face mask. Ears are the new purse.

..........What goes up ghost around, ghost around.........Beyonce …..Haunted

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 30, 2020, Eerie ePistle. So much peace and so many jokes it's scary. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: He is the very pineapple of politeness. --Richard Sheridan

Cost of War:

As of 10/29/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,074,331,007,720.

As of 10/22/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,072,415,334,203.

As of 10/29/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $998,662,476,437.

As of 10/22/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $997,359,886,417.

As of 10/29/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $805,118,445,014.

As of 10/22/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $803,480,748,701.

As of 10/29/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $338,617,807,824.

As of 10/22/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $338,245,584,147.

As of 10/29/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,216,731,323,694.

As of 10/22/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,211,502,377,686.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write. --John Adams

Halloween Advice: Keep your friends close and your enemies in your cauldron.

Famous Last Words: Under the dawn of that last great day. War of the World radio script.

.........Going to a party where on one's still alive.........Oingo Boingo …..Dead Man's Party

Real Scary Stuff: The downside of voting early is that you still have to endure those annoying political ads.

I stopped going to Trick or Treat the year I brought home a bag of restraining orders. / Buffy had a great night; she killed 25 vampires and every one of them was carrying a bag of candy. / If the door opens and you yell “Trick...” and can't remember the rest, you're probably too old to be trick or treating.

May Peace be your trick

And Joy be your treat

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Hereee's ePistle

 

Famous First Words: Through the snow and sleet and hail... Opening Line Dumbo

Today would have been Johnny Carson's 95^th birthday!! I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. / In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. --Johnny Carson

..........I just can't take no more of Billy Ray..........Weird Al Yankovic …..Achy Breaky Song

Give us a peace of accepting every challenge — The challenge of the poor, the black, of all denied --Langston Hughes

It is a breezy Friday morning. The continuing winds come in gusts; it blows the yellowing leaves from the tree in Bruno's backyard. Bare limbs and dark branches can now be seen through its moving robes. The willow too is thinning but seems to enjoy dancing with the current. Thick clouds hide the sky and keep the temperature just below 40°F. I watch through my window, I do not venture outside. At the door the air is moist and smells of dampness and wet soil. Out my back window no birds, no dogs, no squirrels, or rabbits gambol about and the only noise I hear is computer humming and Puck snorts. I sit up again from watching autumn being blown into the world. I take a long, now tepid gulp of coffee, smile to myself, and start typing. ...

Hope your weekend burns up the road, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When it all gets to be too much, when you're sick of the diversity training and tired of the kneeling, just remember: you always could have picked your own cotton and left us alone. --Submitted by Black Live Matter-LFK

If it weren't for Philo T Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. / Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn. --Johnny Carson

..........As little drops of truth fall from your eyes..........Dwight Yoakam …..Pocket of a Clown

Trivia Questions: It is the 156^th Anniversary of the Battle of Westport.

^ The actual battlefield later became which Kansas City park?

^^ With what other famous Civil War battle is the battle often compared?

^^^ Who were the belligerents in the battle?

^^^^ What was the respective size of the two armies?

^^^^^ Who won?

Big Hello: Hello – Bikol (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Gotham would have a lot fewer super-villains if they had more safety rails and stuff around giant chemical vats. That city doesn't need Batman, it needs OSHA.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 90% of librarians are spending their weekend putting together their Drunk Librarian costume https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. / They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them. --Johnny Carson

..........Organ transplants are my line..........Weird Al Yankovic …..Like A Surgeon

Moonbeam: I am certain there is too much certainty in the world --Michael Crichton

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Corn

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Once I became a parent I finally understood the scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions he just dies.

Week of the Week: Meditation Week (19-23) --there are 4 important things in life Compassion … Recognition … Allowance/Acceptance … Peace (CRAP) / A mindful wolf is known as aware wolf.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. / He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner. --Johnny Carson

..........Here we go again..........Dwight Yoakam …..Suspicious Minds

^ The Battle of Westport was fit in Loose Park, north of the Rose Garden adjacent to 52^nd Street. At the time it was described as the field south of Brush Creek.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 23, 2020. The moon is first-quarter today and is in Aquarius. It is IPod Day, National Mole Day, National Pharmacy Technician Day, TV Talk Show Host Day (Johnny Carson's birthday) and Francis E Willard Day aka temperance day. In Thailand it is Chulalongkorn Day (1868).

Among those born on this day were Nicolas Appert (1752), Robert Bridges (1844), Felix Bloch (1905), Gertrude Ederle (1906), Johnny Carson (1925), Diana Dors (1931), Chi Chi Rodriguez (1935), Michael Crichton (1942), Dwight Yoakum (1956), and Weird Al Yaznkovic (1959).

On October twenty third the swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano, Congress barred blacks from service in the army (1775), the Battle of Wesport (MO) was fought in Loose Park, I think (1864), the New Orleans mint reopened its assay office (1876), 25,000 women marched in NYC demanding the vote (1915), Dumbo was released (1941), Pasternak won the Nobel for Literature (1958), Gabelich set an auto speed record 662.4 mph/1,002 kph (1970), Kosygin resigned as Soviet Premier (1980), and Iraq released 330 French hostages (1990).

Night Sky, 10/23: First-quarter Moon, exact at 9:23 am EDT. Jupiter's Great Red Spot should transit Jupiter's central meridian around 7:10 pm PDT (The West Coast is having its good view of Jupiter around then.) http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the monsters

This Week: Saturday, October 24 – United Nations Day & Make A Difference Day

Sunday, October 25 – International Artists Day & Visit A Cemetery Day & Sourest Day

Night Sky, 10/25: Venus rises in the east in deep darkness about 1½ hours before dawn begins. Once dawn is under way, Venus is in fine view as the bright "Morning Star" in the east. Look about a fist at arm's length to its left or upper left for 2nd-magnitude Denebola, Leo's tail-tip.

Monday, October 26 – Cupcake Day & Mule Day & Howl at the Moon Night

Tuesday, October 27 – Black Cat Day & Cranky Co-Workers Day & Navy Day

Wednesday, October 28 - Champagne Day & National Chocolate Day & World Stroke Day

Thursday, October 29 – Internet Day & National Cat Day & National Hermit Day

Night Sky, 10/29: Southern Taurids Meteor Shower – Rate 7/hour Go outside, find a dark spot and look north-east near the constellation of Taurus for the Southern Taurids radiant. Meteor showers are strictly for night owls or early risers. The best time to view the Southern Taurids is from around 21h00 in the evening to dawn when they will have moved to the northwest.

Only lie about the future. / Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. --Johnny Carson

..........I'm crawling with … microscopic bacteria..........Weird Al Yankovic …..Germs

^^ The Battle of Westport is sometimes referred to as the “Gettysburg of the West” because it is considered the turning point of the war west of the Mississippi.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am so tired of people running around with a mouthful of scripture and a heart full of hate.

Moonbeam: Do you know what we call opinion in the absence of evidence? We call it prejudice. --Michael Crichton

Late Night Snacks of the Week: People should be skeptical of anything where Rudy Giuliani is the source, just as a rule in life. --Trevor Noah / If you’re Purelling and microwaving your ballot then I’m OK with you sitting this one out. --Jimmy Kimmel / Trump is incapable of acknowledging nuance – in his world, you’re either f*cking someone or you’re getting f*cked. And that’s not a great perspective when it comes to cooperating on global health. --John Oliver / So Fauci influences Trump’s Covid policy the same way we do – by staring in horror at the TV and saying, ‘That’s gonna be a problem,’ --Stephen Colbert / It's a major problem except in Wyoming which has so few people that each senator's only constituent is the other senator. --Samantha Bee

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie viewing Max and the Monsters

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Lord, they say, moves in mysterious ways. But sometimes, the Lord says, to heck with mystery and cutteth (ph) right to the chase. And so it came to be in the year of our Lord 2020, in the land of New York on the lake of George, there came to be a man named Jimmy McDonald. And yea was Jimmy on a kayaking trip with his family. And lo did Jimmy's kayak float away from his family, so engrossed was he . And ye, there came to be a great tumult upon the waters. Jimmy's kayak did flippeth (ph) upside down, and Jimmy did fall into the water, where he did struggle to hold onto the boat while keeping his smartphone aloft above the waves, for it did costeth (ph) 1,400 bucks, and lo, he had not sprung for an Otter Box. And yea, though he saw the other canoes and swimmers pass by, he did not call out, for he was proud. And so Jimmy did close his eyes and pray to the Lord for deliverance. And yea, what did he see in the distance but a floating tiki bar boat? And yea, did the festive Hawaiian-themed booze-craft bestride the waters, just like our savior did upon the sea of Galilee, only with more cocktail umbrellas and chunks of pineapple. And straightway, Jimmy was lifted onto the boat, where he discovered it had been rented out by a group of Catholic priests and seminarians. And thus was Jimmy delivered from the waters of the George. And verily, there was much rejoicing among those that were in the tiki boat who probably had a few pina coladas and mai tais - or, if thou will, God al-mai tais (ph). --Adam Burke Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 9/12/20

Give us a peace that will produce great schools — As the war produced great armament --Langston Hughes

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. / Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75^th birthday. --Johnny Carson

..........Run back home to that Southern land..........Dwight Yoakam …..I Sang Dixie

^^^ The US aka the Union aka the North commanded by Samuel R Curtis fought the CSA aka the Confederacy aka Army of Missouri commanded by Sterling Price.

Worthless Fact of the Week: There's a volcano in Guatemala, Santiaguito, that erupts every hour. It's been doing so for over a century.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I have washed my hands so much I've uncovered a nightclub stamp from 25 years ago. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Operose – Involving or displaying a lot of effort https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store crayons. Keep a few crayons in a Ziploc Storage Bag for trips so kids always have something to do in restaurants. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. / It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, “If you want it your way, cook it yourself”. --Johnny Carson

...........Plus we need curly fries..........Weird Al Yankovic …..Stuck In The Drive-Thru

^^^^ Commander Curtis commanded 22,000 union troops against 8,500 of Price's rebel force.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Damn! Biden's gonna raise taxes on my friends making over $400,000. Oh, wait, I don't have any friends making over $400,000. --Submitted by ma of va

Quote of the Week: In an ugly world, the only true protest is beauty. --Phil Ochs

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Science fiction is what we point to when we say it. --Damon Knight

Actual Science Joke of the Week: I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarian and we're skeptical. --Arthur C Clarke

Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May all your Facebook invites be game invites.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once and year. And then discover once a year is way too often. / A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry: that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. --Johnny Carson

..........I got heartaches in my pocket..........Dwight Yoakam …..A Thousand Miles from Nowhere

^^^^^ The North won. The Battle of Westport was the largest battle of the Civil War west of the Mississippi River, and one of its most significant. Casualties on both sides were around 1,500 each in killed, wounded, and missing. Price’s Army of Missouri virtually disintegrated after Westport. Furthermore, most of the large guerrilla bands in Missouri followed Price into Arkansas, so that Price’s Raid actually ended bushwhacker and Confederate military activity in the state.

Month of the Week: October is National Sarcastic Awareness Month –Sarcasm is an art. If it were a science, I'd have my PhD. / Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This Halloween we will be painting our pumpkins blue. We've seen enough orange to last a lifetime.

Today's Peace of History, October 23, 1915: 33,000 women marched in New York City demanding the right to vote. Known as the "banner parade" because of the multitude of flags and banners carried, it began at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and continued until long after dark, attracting a record-breaking crowd of spectators. Motor cars brought up the rear decorated with Chinese lanterns; once darkness fell, Fifth Avenue was a mass of moving colored lights.

Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry. / Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak. --Johnny Carson

..........shredding the files like yeah..........Weird Al Yankovic …..Party At The CIA

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 23, 2020, Hereee's ePistle. Calm, Crazy, and Carson. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: God created dinosaurs. God destroyed dinosaurs. God created man. Man destroyed God. Man created dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man...Woman inherits the earth. --Michael Crichton

Cost of War:

As of 10/22/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,072,415,334,203.

As of 10/15/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,070,351,752,730.

As of 10/22/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $997,359,886,417.

As of 10/15/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $995,957,560,042.

As of 10/22/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $803,480,748,701.

As of 10/15/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $801,718,155,791.

As of 10/22/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $338,245,584,147.

As of 10/15/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $337,845,047,516.

As of 10/22/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,211,502,377,686.

As of 10/15/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,205,873,273,496.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Give us a peace that will enlist -- A mighty army serving human kind --Langston Hughes

Famous Last Words: You're making history. --Final line Dumbo – the original 1941 version.

..........If I can find my mind now, I guess I'll just leave..........Dwight Yoakam …..Guitars, Cadillacs

Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat. / The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. --Johnny Carson

May Peace bless your morning

And Joy grace your evening

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle dEfined

 Famous First Words: A violent raid by a Northern band... Headline 10/16/1859 Civil War News ~~Reporting John Brown's raid on the Harper's Ferry arsenal

Happy Dictionary Day! I was so bored that I memorized 6 pages of my dictionary. I learned next to nothing. / I found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

..........Sometime the light's all shinin' on me............Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Truckin

Social justice cannot be attained by violence. Violence kills what it intends to create. --Pope John Paul II

It is a nippy (40°F) Friday morning. The sky is covered with billowy lumps of cloud masking the ambient blue and the rising sun. There is no breeze to brush the cheek or insist on the cold. Not even the willow branches can work up much movement. A few leaves that I see out of my back window are turning golden but green is still dominant. Bruno is dragging a large blanket or piece of tar paper across his lawn, apparently in order to fashion a giant bed. Puck is under my feet munching treats with little crunching noises. In another room Jeff's tv is going on about dinosaurs and where they might have come from.(Must be the discovery channel. I discovered that I don't care where they came from.) When I went to the kitchen to brew coffee there were muffins, blueberry and apple cinnamon; they make the room smell of fall. So now I'm settled at my computer, eating blueberries and drinking sweetened decaf and writing to you. What a beautiful day, and it's early yet.

Hope your weekend lives up to its definition, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How much should you spend on a bottle of wine? I don't know...half an hour. --Submitted by llr of ks

After a long, hard day I came home to find that someone had torn the first and last pages from my dictionary. It just went from bad to worse. / A library patron told all her problems to a boxed set of a dictionary, a thesaurus, and an atlas. The dictionary said, “I know what you mean.” The thesaurus replied, “I feel the same way.” And the atlas added, “I see where you're coming from.”

..........Set out running but I'll take my time...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Friend of the Devil

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Disney, Inc!

^ What do you know about Walt's Kansas City Connection?

^^ Any idea what the mouse's name was before it became Mickey's?

^^^ Know what Walt's first California business was?

^^^^ What was the studio's first full length movie?

^^^^^ How many feature length films did Disney release in 2019?

Big Hello: Prannam – Bhojpuri (India) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My conspiracy theory is that time travel IS real & someone keeps trying to fix 2020 by changing something but every time they do, they unwittingly make it worse. --Submitted by INRITH

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Librarians realize they're getting older when they no longer recognize any celebrities on the American Library Association's READ posters. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I've lost my dictionary. You can look upstairs? . No, I can't look up anything. / Once you've finished reading the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.

..........It's a buck dancer's choice, my friend...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Uncle John's Band

Moonbeam: The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --Oscar Wilde

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: The Cosmos Flower – the other official flower of October

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I like music because it's the only invisible art form. --Sean Lennon

Week of the Week: Teen Read Week (11-17) –I've never met a boy who ;smells like pine??? Where do YA book characters find these boys??? Are they actually just trees. / Why does YA fantasy hate soft characters. Why's everyone an assassin. Where are the chefs?

Sondheim wrote a failed musical about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm sorry I never saw it, I love a play on words. / I once swallowed a whole dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

..........Rolling the the rushes down by the riverside...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Sugar Magnolia

^ The Disney family moved to KC when Walt was 9. They lived at 3028 Bellefontaine. After WWI, he worked as an artist for an advertising agency and in 1920 began an animated film business (1127 E 31st St). He left KC for LA in 1923 when his animation company went bankrupt.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 16, 2020. The moon is new tonight and is in Libra. The UN has declared this World Food Day [FAO] (A/RES/35/70). It is National Feral Cat Day, Department Store Day, and Dictionary Day (Webster's Birthday). In Jamaica it is National Heroes Day for the 7 heroes of Jamaica.

Among those born on this day were Albercht von Haller (1708), Noah Webster (1758), Arnold Bucklin (1827), James Ten Eyck (1851), Oscar Wilde (1854), Austen Chamberlain (1863), David Ben-Gurion (1886), Eugene O'Neill (1888), William O. Douglas (1898), Goose Goslin (1900), Angela Lansbury (1925), Gunter Grass 91927), Charles Golson (1931), Henry Lewis (1932), Suzanne Somers (1946), Bob Weir (1947), and Tim Robbins (1958).

On October sixteenth the Council of Vienne opened (1311), the first modern hotel in the US opened (Boston, 1829), the effectiveness of ether was demonstrated (1946), Avery College was established (1849), John Brown raided Harper's Ferry (1859), the first hotel with indoor plumbing opened (1869), ~~This is my definition of modern hotel, by the way-- Sanger opened the first birth control clinic (Brooklyn, 1916), Disney Corporation was founded (1923), Benjamin Davis Sr. became first black general in the army (1940), the Chicago subway opened (1943), William J. Brennan Jr. Was sworn in as Supreme Court Justice (1956), Elizabeth II married Prince Philip (1957), China became the fifth nuclear power (1964), Soyuz 6 returned to Earth (1969), Anwar Sadat succeeded Gamal Nasser as president of Egypt (1970), John Paul II was elected supreme pontiff (1978), Halley's comet came back (1982), and Baby Jessica was rescued from a well shaft (1987).

Night Sky, 10/16: Jupiter's Great Red Spot should transit Jupiter's central meridian around 9:22 pm EDT. An hour later, at 10:23 pm EDT, Jupiter's moon Io reappears from eclipse out of Jupiter's shadow just east of the planet — very close to Callisto, with Europa and Ganymede farther out. A small telescope will show Io swelling into view over the course of a couple minutes, turning Callisto into an imitation double star. New Moon (exact at 3:31 p.m. EDT). http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max and Mom and the Big Red Frog

This Week: Saturday, October 17 - American Frog Day & Sloth International Day & Sweetest Day

Sunday, October 18 – National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day & World Toy Camera Day

Night Sky, 10/18: Cassiopeia stands high in the northeast these evenings, a flattened W standing on end. The third segment of the W, counting down from the top, points almost straight down. Extend that segment twice as far down as its own length, and you're at the Double Cluster in Perseus. This pair of star-swarms is dimly apparent to the unaided eye in a dark sky (use averted vision), and it's visible from almost anywhere with binoculars. It's lovely in telescopes.

Monday, October 19 – National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day & Evaluate Your Life Day

Tuesday, October 20 – Pay Back A Friend Day & World Statistics Day

Night Sky, 10/20: Orionids Meteor Shower peak. Average 10-20 falling stars per hour. Usually the greatest numbers are a few hours before dawn.

Wednesday, October 21 – BRA Day USA & Reptile Awareness Day & Thank Your Cleaner Day

Thursday, October 22 – National Nut Day & Smart is Cool Day

I'm tearing out pages from the dictionary. I'm up to mischief. / Webster's Dictionary recently changed the spelling of Aquarius to Ahquarius. This is the donning of the 'h' of Ahquarius.

..........got two good eyes and still don't see...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Casey Jones

^^ Disney came up with the idea of a mouse character named Mortimer while on a train headed to California, drawing up a few simple drawings. The mouse was later renamed Mickey Mouse (Disney's wife, Lillian, disliked the sound of 'Mortimer Mouse') and starred in several Disney produced films.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone broke in and stole all our lamps. I should be upset, but actually, I'm delighted. --Submitted by ma of va

Moonbeam: Nature never jests. --Albercht von Haller

Late Night Snacks of the Week: But listen, listen, all jokes aside, thoughts and prayers to that fly’s family. It’s gotta quarantine for two weeks now. --Stephen Colbert / The nation’s top generals and the guy who carries the nuclear football are all quarantining now. And you might think that this is the perfect opportunity to invade America because the Pentagon is going to have to coordinate America’s defense over Zoom, but actually, given how infectious America is right now, good luck convincing your soldiers to attack. Basically, right now, America is that free mattress that you find on the curb, --Trevor Noah / ...and visibly gasping for air like he’s been guarding LeBron James all night. --Seth Meyers

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie asleep under the pumpkin.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I was sent - and this is an exclusive - I was sent a transcript of Mike Pence's internal monologue while that fly was on his head. And I just want to read a short portion of it, if I can. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. --Mo Rocca Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 10/9/20

Learning to think rigorously, so as to act rightly and to serve humanity better. --Pope John Paul II

What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition / When it can't live without drugs it becomes an addictionary.

..........But the cards were all the same...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Dire Wolf

^^^ On December 16, 1923 brothers Walt and Roy O. Disney founded the Disney Brothers Cartoon Studio.

Worthless Fact of the Week: You are 10 times more likely to get bitten by a New Yorker than by a shark. Brings a whole new meaning to the ‘’Brooklyn Rage’’ trope. Not that sharks are not dangerous, but New Yorkers, man, New Yorkers…

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: None of this is going to end until we stop making things out of cauliflower.

Weird Word of the Week: Nurdles - small plastic pieces about the size of a lentil. They make nearly all of our plastic products but billions of them accidentally end up in the ocean and can harm marine life. They also wash up on our shores.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Marinate meats. Combine your food and marinade ingredients in a Ziploc Storage Bag and refrigerate. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Silly Putty implies the existence of serious putty. --Submitted by INRITH

I tore a page out of my dictionary to use as a coaster. My dictionary had an existential breakdown because it couldn't find the meaning of life. / As Arthur was leaving the classroom his teacher asked, “where are you going so circumspect?” “Well, I was going to the bathroom,” he replied, “but now I'm going to look for a dictionary.

...........Come on in when it's raining, go on out when it's gone...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..High Time

^^^^ Taking three years to complete Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, premiered in December 1937 and by 1939 became the highest-grossing film of that time.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do you do to “observe” Columbus Day? Get lost in a grocery store looking for spices? --Mary H Johnson --Submitted by sb of ar

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Confucius once said that a bear could not fart at the North Pole without causing a big wind in Chicago. -- Philip Jose Farmer

Actual Science Joke of the Week: If I could explain it to the average person, it wouldn't have been worth the Nobel Prize. --Richard Feynman

Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May your spoon always slip and sink under the hot soup you eat.

Who says sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? People who haven't been hit by Webster's Unabridged Dictionary. / I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bicep because I wanted to add definition to my arm.

..........Please don't dominate the rap, Jack...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..New Speedway Boogie

^^^^^ There are sources that say 2019 saw the release of 19 full length movies, but my list only came up with 10. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Walt_Disney_Pictures_films

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

https://twistedsifter.com/2020/04/people-stuck-at-home-are-recreating-famous-paintings-and-its-awesome/

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just because I can't sing, doesn't mean I won't sing. --Submitted by sw of ks

Today's Peace of History, October 16, 1901: President Theodore Roosevelt invited Booker T. Washington, founder of the Tuskegee Institute and the most prominent African American of his time, to a meeting in the White House. The meeting went long and the president asked Washington to stay for dinner, the first black person ever to do so.

Geese flying south and thrown dictionaries are both flying information. / Words in the dictionary were fighting. Honest said, “My H is silent”. Tsunami said, “M y T is silent.” Island said, “My S is silent.” Queue said, “Hold my beer.”

..........Let your tracks be lost in the dark and snow...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Till The Morning Comes

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 16, 2020, ePistle Defined. Wâki Ijiwebis-I (Algonquin for Peace), Wackines, & Words Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ . Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Today I tested positive for Sickofthisshit-20. There's no cure and I may or may not be contagious. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Moonbeam: The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom. --William O Douglas

Cost of War:

As of 10/15/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,070,351,752,730.

As of 10/8/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,068,388,978,360.

As of 10/15/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $995,957,560,042.

As of 10/8/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $994,623,654,533.

As of 10/15/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $801,718,155,791.

As of 10/8/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $800,041,253,046.

As of 10/15/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $337,845,047,516.

As of 10/8/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $337,463,935,462.

As of 10/15/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,205,873,273,496.

As of 10/8/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,200,518,656,294.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I plead with you – never ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid. --Pope John Paul II

Famous Last Words: This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do. --Oscar Wilde

..........Perhaps they're better left unsung...........Bob Weir /Grateful Dead …..Ripple

If I hit you with a dictionary, is it physical or verbal abuse? / I found an Urban Dictionary online but couldn't find the Rural Dictionary. / Never argue with a dictionary, it always has the last word.

May Peace define your nights

And Joy expound your days

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: