Famous
First Words: This is the place... --Brigham Young as the
pioneers entered Emigration Canyon
Jovial
Tell An Old Joke Day!
This is literally one of the oldest
jokes in the book or the papyrus scroll in this case. It goes: How do
you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women
dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go
catch a fish. / A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has just been
discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be “Pharaoh
Roche”.
..........I've
got nothing to say but it's okay.........Beatles …..Good Morning,
Good Morning
You
must be bold, brave, and courageous and find a way...to get in the
way. --John Lewis / People do not choose rebellion, it is forced
upon them. Revolution is always an act of self-defense. --CT Vivian
It
is a warm (81°F) Friday morning. There is no breeze to blow the edge
off heat or humidity (79%). The humidity covers the sky with thin
clouds that do not block the sun nor hint of rain; they merely hide
the blue. Foliage is fully into its summer excess with green
everywhere, high and low, north and south. The birds do not care
about the weather, they sing and discuss and conference without
compliment or complaint. It makes a pleasant background to the sound
of car motors and distant dogs barking. Puck stayed inside to sleep.
My kitchen smells of brewing coffee. The aroma keeps me company as I
add sweetener and cream to my cup. It follows me through the hall to
my room where I sit now in front of my computer sipping hot ambition
and writing to you.
Hope
your weekend has old jokes and new experiences, ePistliers
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why should we go to school
if you won't listen to the educated. --Submitted by amb of ??
Found
in the world's oldest "joke book," called "Philogelos"
(or "Laughter-Lover"), written by Greeks Hierocles and
Philagrius in the 4th century. Asked by the court barber how he
wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence". /
What did the Ancient Greeks wear on their feet? Tennis Zeus.
..........Little
darlin' the smiles returning to the faces.........Beatles …..Here
Comes The Sun
Trivia
Questions: It is Pioneer Day in Utah, the day the Mormons
arrived and settled in.
^
Utah is home to one of the heaviest organisms on earth. Any idea
what it is?
^^
What makes Utah's snow “the greatest snow on earth”?
^^^
Where is the Golden Spike and when was it placed there?
^^^^
What do you know about Utah's Biggest man made pits?
^^^^^
How many of the 5 National Parks in Utah can you name?
Big
Hello: Sälam
– Amharic (Ethiopia & Eritrea)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I got
my friend a telepathic abacus. It's the thought that counts.
--Submitted by fnog
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
56% of librarians don't really mind that their coworker is giving
them the silent treatment.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Ancient
Rome, between 63 BC to 14 AD: The Emperor Augustus was touring the
Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking
resemblance to himself. "Intrigued he asked: 'Was your mother
at one time in service at the Palace?' "'No, your Highness,' he
replied, 'but my father was.' / I got a “C” on my Roman Numerals
test. Perfect Score.
..........Where
rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies.........Beatles …..Lucy
In The Sky With Diamonds
Moonbeam:
Love: A temporary insanity curable by
marriage. . --Ambrose Bierce
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Sego
Lily – State flower of Utah
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The
fact is, the peck of pickled peppers you, Peter Piper, picked was on
private property. Allitigation --Submitted by msh of bc
Week
of the Week:
Everybody Deserves A Massage Week
(19-25) –You need not worry, the Tiger Balm the masseuse uses has
no tiger residue in it at all. The Baby Powder, on the other hand,
is 90% babies. / My masseuse calls herself the Muscle Whisperer.
From
Sumeria in 1200 BC: Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one
owned the ox, the other owned the cow, and the other owned the
wagon's load. "The owner of the ox refused to get water because
he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow
refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert;
the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be
stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the
cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem:
Who owns the calf? / Noah used Floodlights on the ark.
..........Yellow
lorry slow, nowhere to go.........Beatles …..You Never Give Me
Your Money
^
The Trembling Giant, or Pando, in the Fishlake National Forest, is
made up of 47,000 genetically identical trees that share a single
root system. In addition to being notably massive, it’s also among
the oldest organisms on earth—it's been alive for more than 80,000
years. Pictures
Almanac:
It is Friday, July 24, 2020. The moon will be first quarter on
Monday and is in Virgo. It is Pioneer Day (Utah), Cousins Day,
National Drive-Thru Day, National Tequila Day, and Tell an Old Joke
Day. In Denmark they celebrate Midsummer Day. In Ecuador and
Venezuela it is Bolivar Day (1783). Spain hosts the Valencia Fair
featuring Battle of the Flowers.
Among
those born on this day were Simon Bolivar (1783), Alexandre Dumas,
pere (1802), Ambrose Bierce (1842), Robert Graves (1895), Amelia
Earhart (1898), Zelda Fitzgerald (1900), Kenneth B. Clark (1914), Bob
Eberly (1916), John D. MacDonald (1916), Bella Abzug (1920), William
D. Ruckelshaus (1932), Ruth Buzzi (1936), Chris Sarandon (1942), and
Lynda Carter (1951).
On
July twenty-fourth Edmund Halley entered Queen's College, Oxford
(1673), the French first settled in "Detroit" (1701), the
Mormons arrived in Salt Lake City (1847), the rotary printing press
was patented (1847), Tennessee was readmitted to the Union (1866), US
troops were first used against strikers (1877), Hoover proclaimed the
Kellogg-Briand Pact which renounced war (1929), Nixon &
Khrushchev held the Kitchen Debate
(1959), Apollo 11 returned to earth (1969), Nixon's tapes were
liberated by the Supreme Court (1974), Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts
Club Band the movie debuted (1978), George Brett's hit was disallowed
because of pine tar (1983), and MS Magazine
returned (1990).
Night
Sky, 7/24:
The
Sagittarius Teapot is in the south these evenings; find it right of
Jupiter and Saturn. With the advance of summer, the Teapot is
starting to tilt and pour from its spout to the right. The Teapot
will tilt farther and farther for the rest of the summer — or for
much of the night if you stay out late.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max and Ollie holding hands
This
Week: Saturday, July 25 – Hire
A Veteran Day & Red Shoe Day & National Body Painting Day
Sunday,
July 26 – Aunties Day & National Parents Day & One
Voice Day
Night
Sky, 7/26:
The
tail of Scorpius is low in the south soon after dark, lower right of
the Teapot by hardly a fist at arm's length. How
low
this whole scene is depends on how far north or south you live: the
farther south, the higher. Look for the two stars especially close
together in the tail. These are Lambda and fainter Upsilon Scorpii,
known as the Cat's Eyes; the cat is tilting his head and winking.
Monday,
July 27 – Love Is Kind Day & Take Your Houseplant For a
Walk Day
Tuesday,
July 28 – National Water Park Day & Parents' Day
Night
Sky, 7/28: Southern Delta Aquariids and Alpha Capricornids
meteor showers peak tonight. The most active hours just prior to dawn
will have slight interference from moonlight but one can overcome
this simply facing in a direction where the moon is not visible
within your field of view.
Wednesday,
July 29 – International Tiger Day & National Lipstick
Day
Night
Sky, 7/29: Jupiter and Saturn are at opposition this month. So
they rise around sunset, loom low in the southeast in twilight, and
climb higher as the evening grows late. Jupiter is brightest; Saturn
is 7° to its lower left. Farther to Jupiter's right, look for the
Sagittarius Teapot.
Thursday,
July 30 – Cheesecake Day & Friendship Day &
Paperback Book Day
Ancient
Chinese Humor: A magistrate asked his court clerk how he got the
scratches on his face. The embarrassed clerk said, “Last night, I
was walking in the yard, taking in the cool night air, when a grape
trellis fell on me and scratched my face.” The magistrate declared,
“Only a wife could do this. Have her brought here this instant.”
But the magistrate’s own wife had been hiding in the next room, and
hearing this she stormed into the court. The terrified magistrate
shouted, “Court’s in recess! Clear the court! My own trellis is
coming down!” / What's purple and 5000 miles long? The grape wall
of China.
..........I'll
never do you no harm.........Beatles ….Oh, Darling
^^
Utah snow is supposedly lighter and drier than what’s found in
other states, which lends itself well to deep-powder skiing. Research
has shown that while Utah’s dry, fluffy snow may not be unique to
the state, the high amount of snowfall that hits its top ski resorts
has helped to boost its reputation.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept
cookies. Is that a trick question? --Submitted by fnog
Moonbeam:
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a
single petitioner confessedly unworthy. --Ambrose Bierce
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: It’s not
surprising that Arizona would drag its feet on mandating masks. After
all, in 1992, it became one of the last states to make Martin Luther
King Day an official holiday, nine years after the US government. I
know that seems racist, but you’ve gotta remember: it’s a dry
hate. --Samatha Bee / Finally, the White House announced this week
that Trump will resume his daily coronavirus briefings. Oh man, I
hate it when a show comes back after a long break and I can’t
remember any of the plot lines. --Seth Meyers / Children younger
than 10 spread the virus with about half the frequency of adults, but
kids aged 10-19 spread it at the same rate, which is “really not
good. I don’t think any of this should be surprising to anyone.
Like, I’m not a scientist, but of course teenagers can spread
coronavirus everywhere. Just look at how they spread rumors.
--Trevor Noah / Oregon’s governor, Kate Brown, said: “We cannot
have secret police abducting people in unmarked vehicles. I can’t
believe I have to say that to the president of the United States.”
Really? You can’t believe that? Because it’s just one of a long
list of things you shouldn’t have to say to the president of the
United States, like: ‘Frederick Douglass is dead,’ ‘Don’t
inject bleach,’ and, ‘You can’t date your daughter.’
--Stephen Colbert
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Times reports
that studying chlamydia in koalas could help find a vaccine for
humans. Scientists say chlamydia is common among koalas due to their
genetic makeup and slutty personalities. The article contains the
sentences, "oysters get herpes, rabbits get syphilis" and
"dolphins get genital warts" and the phrase, "chlamydia
connects us all..." --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me
7/18/20
Some
of us gave a little blood for the right to participate in the
democratic process. --John Lewis / Leadership is found in the
action to defeat that which would defeat you...You are made by the
struggles you choose. -- CT Vivian
Around
1400: A Friar, who was but moderately considerate, was preaching to
the people at Tivoli, and thundering against adultery, which he
depicted in colors of the deepest dye. “It is such a horrible sin,”
said he, “that I had rather undo ten virgins than one married
woman!” Many, among the congregation, would have shared his
preference. / In the Middle Ages people celebrated the end of the
plague with orgies. Does anyone know if there are already plans?
..........Get
a dose of her in jackboots and kilt........Beatles
…..Polythene Pam
^^^
In 1869, the nation’s first transcontinental railroad was
completed in Promontory, Utah. Construction on the project began in
Sacramento to the west and in Omaha to the east and took seven years
to build.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The Kellogg–Briand Pact aka Pact of Paris,
officially General Treaty for Renunciation of War as an Instrument
of National Policy is a 1928
international agreement in which signatory states promised not to use
war to resolve "disputes or conflicts of whatever nature or of
whatever origin they may be, which may arise among them".
Secretary of State Frank B
Kellogg signed for the United States
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
I think we need to stop calling it “working from home” and start
calling it “living at work”. --Submitted by inrith
~~Otherwise known as The
Housewife's Lament
Weird
Word of the Week:
Ephebicide – a word to capture the character of the first world
war. - wanton mass slaughter of the young by the old.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-eph1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Keep passports waterproof. Store your passport in a Ziploc Storage
Bag. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html
Ante-penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 2020
is God punishing humanity for making the Cats
movie.
1870:
While passing a house on the road, two Virginia salesmen spotted a
"very peculiar chimney, unfinished, and it attracting their
attention, they asked a flaxen-haired urchin standing near the house
if it 'drawed well' whereupon the aforementioned urchin gave them the
stinging retort: 'Yes, it draws all the attention of all the d*****
fools that pass this road / Why is England the wettest country?
Because the queen has reigned there for years!
...........Me
hiding me head in the sand.........Beatles
…..Getting Better
^^^^
About a 30 minute drive from Salt Lake City, the Bingham Canyon mine
has produced 18.1 million tons of copper since Kennecott Copper began
digging there a century ago. The mine reaches a quarter of a mile
into the earth, making it deep enough to fit two Willis Buildings
stacked on top of one another and still have room left at the top.
The pit’s massive size makes it easily visible to astronauts as
they pass over the state. And because Kennecott digs approximately
250,000 tons of rock from the pit every day, tourists can see the
hole grow bigger with every visit (the mine is currently closed to
visitors due to movement detected on its northeast wall).
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 2/3
of Trump's wives were immigrants...proving once again we need
immigrants to do jobs most Americans wouldn't do. --Sign at a
protest --Submitted by sw of ks
Science
Fiction Joke of the Week: A
young man is reported to have approached the renowned composer
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (one of the great musical prodigies of all
time), and asked, "Herr Mozart, I have the ambition to write
symphonies and perhaps you can advise me how to get started."
Mozart said, "The best advice I can give you is to wait until
you are older and more experienced, and try your hand at less
ambitionous pieces to begin with." The young man looked
astonished. "But, Herr Mozart, you yourself wrote symphonies
when you were considerably younger than I." "Ah,"
said Mozart, "but I did so without asking advice."
--Isaac Asimov
Actual
Science Joke of the Week: John Oliver: You've stated that you
believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes.
Does that mean there is a universe out there where I am smarter than
you? Stephen Hawking: Yes, and also a universe where you're funny.
Mild
Mannered Curse of the Week: May
your article load that extra little bit as you're about to click a
link so you click an ad instead.
Suffrage
Jokes (c. 1915): Why we Oppose Votes for Men: 1) Because man's place
is in the army 2) Because no really manly man wants to settle any
questions otherwise than by fighting about it... / What's the biggest
drawback to voting by mail? Postage from Russian will cost a fortune.
..........You'll
never know what hit you.........Beatles …..I
Want You
^^^^^
Utah parks include Arches, Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, Capitol Reef,
and Zion.
Month
of the Week: July is Doghouse Repairs
Month --Though we never saw the inside
of Snoopy's doghouse in the comic strip, it was revealed over the
years that it held a lot of personal possessions, including records,
books, an original Vincent van Gogh painting, and a pool table. In
the 1981 animated special It’s
Magic, Charlie Brown, the interior
of his doghouse was shown for the first time and indeed featured a
van Gogh painting—as well as an alchemy lab.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
I'm sorry for the coin shortage, I started a swear jar. --Submitted
by #RHOZ
Today's
Peace of History, July 24, 1983:
Canadians and Americans spanned the international border at Thousand
Islands Bridge, linking New York and Ontario, to protest nuclear
weapons and border harassment of peace activists.
1920s:A
cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
coffin. / Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone
might be looking. --H.L. Mecken / What's the difference between the
1920s and the 2020s? In 2020 the depression starts off the decade.
..........What
can I do, what can I be........Beatles …..Got
To Get You Into My Life
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle July 24, 2020, Venerable ePistle . Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Love, Laughs, and Longevity Exclusive editor: Christine Smith.
2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam:
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit
without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
Cost
of War:
As
of 7/23/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,046,668,755,203.
As
of 7/16/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,044,683,086,631.
As
of 7/23/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $979,862,323,658.
As
of 7/16/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $978,512,822,347.
As
of 7/23/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $781,483,882,863.
As
of 7/16/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $779,787,636,032.
As
of 7/23/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $333,246,322,720.
As
of 7/16/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $332,860,839,411.
As
of 7/23/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,141,261,913,336.
As
of 7/16/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,135,845,080,405.
If
someone had told me in 1963 that one day I would be in Congress, I
would have said, “You're crazy. You don't know what you're
talking about.” --John Lewis / We
all dreamed of it. We sat in church and talked about it. We made
songs about it. We talked about a new world coming. We talked about
all of that, right? Now that it’s here, we’ve got to make it
real.
Famous
Last Words: Damn
it! How will I ever get out of this Labyrinth?
--Simon Bolivar
..........It's
wonderful to be here; it's certainly a thrill.........Beatles
…..Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ~~All of today's song are
from the Beatles Sgt Pepper Lonely
Hearts Club Band soundtrack.
The
very first joke at which my brother Gary Bill laughed out loud: A
drunk jumped out of a fourth floor window and died. The police asked
his friend who was also drunk what happened. The man explained that
his friend said he was just going to fly around the block and would
be right back. The police asked the man why he didn't try to stop
his friend. He answered, “I thought he could do it.” ~~In all
fairness Gary was about 3 years old and was likely laughing because
everyone else was laughing. Nevertheless, it is his oldest joke.
May
Peace bear your burden
And
Joy lighten your load
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
No comments:
Post a Comment