Famous
First Words: An Act To authorize the President
to consolidate governmental activities affecting war veterans...
Veteran Administration Act July 3, 1930
July
is Picnic Month! What's the difference between a philosophy major and
a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family. July is also
Watermelon Month! The watermelon got brown spots all over its skin
when it contracted melonoma.
..........If
you go down to the woods today you better go in
disguise.........Rosemary Clooney …..The Teddy Bears' Picnic
Prudence,
indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be
changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all
experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer,
while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing
the forms to which they are accustomed... Declaration
of Independence 7/4/76
It
is a sunny Friday morning. The sky is a study of white fluff against
a field of blue. There is just enough breeze to keep the willow
branches shivering but not enough to modify the 77°F temperature.
Birdsong fills the air, melodic chirping, staccato calls, and sparrow
chatter blend into a morning sonata...interrupted only by the
mechanic whine of a weed eater. Puck retreats rather quickly to the
house and I follow. There the smell of new mown grass is replaced
with the aroma of brewing coffee. Puck laps up a small bowl of milk I
pour for him and settles by my feet under my desk. I sit with my
freshly doctored coffee and take a moment the stop and relax and get
ready to write to you.
Hope
your weekend is a picnic on a whole lot of levels, ePistliers
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Are we purchasing school clothes or more alcohol in August. Asking
for a friend. --Submitted by RHOZ
A
farmer kept getting watermelons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up
that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up
and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign
'now there are two'. / By not grilling his supper's feet, the
cannibal could picnic without mesquite toes.
..........One
that's red and juicy when you pluck it.........Manfred Mann
…..Watermelon Man
Trivia
Questions: It is International Plastic Bag Free Day !
^
More or less, how many years does it take for a plastic bag to
degrade in a landfill?
^^
About how many marine animals are killed by plastic bags annually?
^^^
Which Asian country was the first to ban thinner plastic bags?
^^^^
Who invented the infernal thing to begin with?
^^^^^
What percentage of plastic bags are actually recycled?
Big
Hello:
Aang – Aleut (Alaska)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Dear July, I don't want any trouble from you. Just come in, sit
down, don't touch anything, and keep your mouth shut. --Submitted by
inrith
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
44% of the conversations overheard in a library are not worth the
effort to eavesdrop. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
A
genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic. Her concerned
husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide
resistant strain of maize. "Aren't you coming to the
congregation picnic?". He asks. "Damn their impossible
deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"
/ The two watermelons can't get married because they cantaloupe.
..........There'll
be lots of time and wine.........Laura Nyro …..Stoned Soul Picnic
Moonbeam:
You are free and that is why you are lost. --Franz Kafka
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Watermelon
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It's a girl and weighs 71ls, 12 oz. --Submitted by fnog
Week
of the Week: Roswell UFO Days (3-6)
--Scientists
Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization: Simply send 6 x
10 to the 50th atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the
list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the
bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within
one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to
power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY
WORKS!
The
watermelon is 50% water. The other 50% is melon. / Thanks
to Uber Eats, ordering Chinese takeaway for a picnic is as easy as a
wok in the park.
..........She
dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed.........Tracy Byrd
…..Watermelon Crawl
^
Normally,
plastic items take up to 1000 years to decompose in landfills. But
plastic bags we use in our everyday life take 10-20 years to
decompose, while plastic bottles take 450 years.
Almanac:
It is Friday, July 3, 2020. The moon will be full (Buck) on Sunday
and is in Sagittarius. It is Compliment Your Mirror
Day, International Chicken Wing Day, International Plastic Bag Free
Day, Stay Out of the Sun Day, and Superman Day, while in Algeria it
is Independence Day (1962).
Among
those born on this day were Louis XI (France,
1423), Samuel de Champlain (1567), John Singleton Copley (1738),
Apirana Turupa Ngata (1874), Franz Kafka (1883), George Sanders
(1906), Earl Butz (1909), Dorothy Kilgallen (1913), Tony Curtis
(1925), Pete Fountain (1930), Tom Stoppard (1937), Gloria Allred
(1941), Geraldo Rivera (1943), and Jean-Claude Duvalier (1951).
On
July third the city of Qubec was founded (1608), the first savings
bank in the US opened (NYC, 1819), the first state normal school in
the US opened (MA, 1839), the first pony express rider arrived in San
Francisco (1861), Idaho became the 43rd state (1890), the Veterans
Administration was created (1930), and the Jaycees were forced to
admit women as members (1984).
Night
Sky, 7/3:
To
casual star watchers or those without a good northern view,
"Cassiopeia in July" might sound as wrong as Christmas in
July. But already Cas has passed its lowest evening position of the
year and is gradually gaining altitude in preparation for the coming
fall and winter. Look for its flattened W shape low in the
north-northeast. And the W is no longer quite level.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
The Flying Max ~~FYI: Max is expecting a sibling already or any day
now...
This
Week: Saturday, July 4 –
Independence Day & Indivisible Day & National Play Outside
Day, O, yeah, and Independence Day
Night
Sky, 7/4:
Penumbral
Lunar Eclipse 4:29 am UTC.
Regions
seeing, at least, some parts of the eclipse:
South/West
Europe, Much of Africa, Much of North America, South America,
Pacific, Atlantic, Indian Ocean, and Antarctica.
https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2020-july-5
Sunday,
July 5 – Bikini Day
Monday,
July 6 - World Kissing Day & Fried Chicken Day
Night
Sky, 7/6: Venus
wends its way slowly through the Hyades cluster and past Aldebaran
for the next three weeks. The scene will be quite low in the
brightening dawn. But every day the arrangement gains a little
altitude, so the faint stars will glimmer into possible binocular
view a little earlier in a slightly less bright sky
Tuesday,
July 7 – Global Forgiveness Day & Tell the Truth Day
Wednesday,
July 8 – Math 2.0 Day & SCUD Day (Savor the Comic,
Unplug the Drama)
Thursday,
July 9 – National No Bra Day & World Body Painting Day
Does
anybody want to buy 500 sandwiches and 250 sausage rolls? I misread
the headlines and thought we were picnic buying. / What do you call a
dog that herds watermelons? A Melon Collie
..........I
think it was the Fourth of July..........Chicago …..Saturday in
the Park
^^
It has been
determined that approximately 100 MILLION marine animals are killed
by plastics during the course of each year. 34% of all dead
leatherback sea turtles are found to have ingested plastic due to the
way that plastic bags resemble jellyfish causing in excess of 1,000
deaths per year.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Any zombie movie that
doesn't have hordes of people running towards the zombies to
deliberately get bitten because they're convinced it's a liberal hoax
is going to look pretty unrealistic now. --SlothHammer --Submitted
by ae of mo
Big
Question of the Week: Anyone know when
them black eyed peas we ate for good luck on New Year's supposed to
kick in? --Submitted by sd of ks
Moonbeam:
“Words
are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the
right order, you can nudge the world a little.”
--Tom
Stoppard
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: As we continue to
live through the NyQuil nightmare that is 2020, it’s easy to
believe that God said he was going out for a pack of cigarettes and
then just never came home. --Samantha Bee / Trump and his allies on
the right have very few tricks left in their re-election bag; they’ve
apparently settled on a strategy of racist fear-mongering about Black
Lives Matter protests, undermining the integrity of the election
itself, and assuring you that the president’s right arm is strong
enough to hold a glass of water. --Seth Meyers / My rule is,
everything you think about Donald Trump is probably true. Because
he’s not deep enough to get your socks wet in. He’s incredibly
readable,” which is why when he ran casinos, “the house lost” .
--Stephen Colbert / Instead of knowing black people and black
culture, you’ve got white folks interacting with black people like
they’re making contact with ET. --Trevor Noah / There are days
when it can feel difficult to fully capture the gravity of the
situation we’re in. But there are other days when you realize there
are really no words to convey just how seismically, historically,
earth-shatteringly stupid everything is right now. --Seth Meyers
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: If you've
ever hung out with a bunch of Deadheads and thought, I'd like to
smell like them, well, take a whiff of this. Grateful Dead deodorant
comes in scents like working man (ph) and sunshine, which are
probably references to Dead lyrics, but I don't want to have to go
and listen to find out...a deodorant that lasts as unbearably long as
a Grateful Dead song. Mo Rocca Wait Wait
Don't Tell Me 6/27/20
For
taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and
altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments... Declaration
of Independence 7/4/76
When
do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a
watermelon! / What did the llama say when he was invited to the
picnic? Alpaca lunch.
..........It's
a fruit based love.........Tom Rosenthal …..Watermelon
^^^
In April of 2019, Bangladesh’s
High Court ordered the government to ban single-use plastics in
coastal areas and in hotels and restaurants in one year to combat
pollution. In 2002 the south Asian nation was among the first
countries to ban the use of plastic and polythene bags in an effort
to stop them collecting in waterways and on land - although the ban
has had little success.
Preantepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Thou
shalt wear a mask in public. --Hygenesis 3:16
Worthless
Fact of the Week:
Nearly
3% of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Wearing a mask is not a political statement. If you need to make a
political statement, write it on your mask. --NM Governor Michelle
Luhan Grisham --Submitted by rhb of ks
Weird
Word of the Week:
Blatherskite – either a noisy talker of blatant rubbish or the
foolish talk that such a person spouts. From t he old Norse Blether
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-bla1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Fix a hem temporarily. Reattach a drooping hem with a dab of chewed
Wrigley's Spearmint Gum.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys2.html
Antepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The
wind stopped blowing in Kansas once. We all fell down. --Submitted
by abf of ks
Once
there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The
youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat
the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month,
finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's
eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from
behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!" / How are
a train and a bicycle similar? You can't make watermelon juice with
either of them.
...........And
the livin' is easy..........Janis Joplin …..Summertime
^^^^
However,
no matter how counter-intuitive it may sound, plastic bags were
actually created to save the planet. That’s what the son of Swedish
engineer Sten Gustaf Thulin who created them in 1959 says. Plastic
bags were developed as an alternative to paper bags, whose production
resulted in forests being chopped down.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: COVID
explained in gay terms; You and 10 friends are in your apartment
getting ready for the Pride Parade. One has glitter. How many end
up with glitter on them? --Submitted by ae of mo
Canceled
Science Fiction Convention of the Week:
Westercon 2020 (2-5) --Westercon
has announced
that
this year’s event will not go forward, but will instead take place
in 2021. Westercon 74 will take place in 2022.
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
EMBL Drosophila Genetics and Genomics: 96/28-7/3) – Heidelberg
Germany. --The
fruit fly Drosophila has played a leading role in the discovery and
dissection of basic biological processes
https://www.embl.de/training/events/2020/DRG20-01/
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck watching, always watching.
I
have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the
chest of two pillows. What am I? Banned from the supermarket. / When
I was a kid we were so poor we had to eat sitting on the floor. Every
supper, mom would cook up another batch of filet mignons and we’d
sit around on the floor eating them like a picnic. One day dad came
home and said he’d taken a gamble and bought us a table. Ever since
then, the steaks have been raised.
..........I
was sittin' in Miami pourin' blended whiskey down.........Tom T Hall
…..Watermelon Wine
^^^^^Only
1 percent of bags are returned for recycling.
Month
of the Week: July is National Deli
Sandwich Month – Noah's sons walked into a kosher deli and order
sandwiches. “Sorry,” said the owner, “We don't serve Ham”. /
My deli owner has a rye sense of humor.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I get
most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
--Submitted by inrith
Today's
Peace of History, July
3, 1835: Children employed in the silk
mills at Paterson, NJ, went on strike for an eleven-hour workday and
a six-day workweek rather than 12-14 hour days. With the help of
adults, they won a compromise settlement of a 69-hour week.
I
think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf. Except at wolf
picnics when I don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races. /
A watermelon committed suicide because, it couldn't handle all the
MELONcholy in its life.
..........At
Rincon they're walking the nose.........Beach Boys …..Surfin'
Safari
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle July 3, 2020, ePistle Alfresco. Comedy, Calmness, and
Clambakes! Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence,
KS 66047
Moonbeam:
The more I know about men, the more I like dogs. --Gloria
Allred
Cost
of War: As of 6/25/20 Military Costs of War
since 2001: $3,040,734,679,692.
As
of 6/25/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,038,724,931,912.
As
of 6/25/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $975,829,446,722.
As
of 6/25/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $974,463,609,751.
As
of 6/25/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $776,414,259,818.
As
of 6/25/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $774,697,206,494.
As
of 6/25/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $332,094,168,684.
As
of 6/25/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $331,703,928,773.
As
of 6/25/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,125,073,335,938.
As
of 6/25/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,119,590,433,362.
He
has excited domestic insurrections amongst us... Declaration of
Independence 7/4/76
Famous
Last Words: ...you
know how I love a party.
--Rudy Vallee who died on July 3, 1986.
..........Baby,
you're the end of June.........Harry Styles …..Watermelon Sugar
If
I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors
window. I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism
lawsuit. / What did the ghost couple take with them to the park? A
picnic casket.
May
Peace bring the wine
And
Joy fill the basket
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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