Famous
First Words: October first nineteen sixty two is a day I will
always remember... Johnny Carson Last Episode of The Tonight
Show with Johnny Carson
It
is Heat Awareness Day! Remember that summer it was so hot Uncle
Jake's funeral procession pulled through the Dairy Queen. / It was so
hot clothes ironed themselves. / It was so hot the sand on the beach
had turned to glass.
..........That
long black cloud is coming down.........Bob Dylan …..Knockin' on
Heaven's Door
To
ensure the peaceful development of nations, free from coercion, the
United States has taken a leading part in establishing the United
Nations... The Truman Doctrine
It
is a slate gray Friday morning. The sky is featurelessly gray. A
breeze keeps the willow moving slowly in a sensuous dawn dance; but
the 64°F temperature is warm and springy. Birds are busy flitting
about and talking about the day or their dreams; it's hard to know.
Puck does his business in silence and returns to the living room to
watch the morning roll by the patio door. I doctor my cup of Moose
Munch and stand at the back window. The wind dies down and the sky
seems to darken. The aromas from my cup tickle my nose and remind me
of comfort flavors. The wind has stopped altogether and the sky
continues to darken. The ping ping of rain drops on the chimney
warm up. I take a long warm sip and turn back to my computer and to
thoughts of you. Ahhh.
Hope
your weekend is simply too hot to handle, ePistliers
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Fauci urges Trump to attack
the Coronavirus as if it were an Inspector General. --The Borowitz
Report --Submitted by jm of ks
It
was so hot cows were lactating evaporated milk. / It was so hot the
sheep struck for shade and hazard pay. / It was so hot you could make
Instant Sun Tea. / It was so hot squirrels were using oven mitts to
pick up nuts.
This
anti-depressant works best if you take it with water lapping near
your hammock on a Caribbean beach. --Submittd by ss of kc
..........In
the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you.........Bob Dylan
…..Mr. Tambourine Man
Trivia
Questions: Happy birthday to Arthur Conan Doyle !
^
How many Sherlock Holmes stories did Doyle write?
^^
Where was Doyle born and raised?
^^^
How old was Doyle when he published is first Holmes story?
^^^^
Know anything about Doyle's sporting life?
^^^^^
Where is the Sherlock Holmes museum?
Big
Hello:
ɸɜɲam – Adyghe (Russia)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So in
retrospect, in 2015 not a single person got the right answer to
“Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?” --Submitted by sd
of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
32% of librarians are named after a parent's favorite literary
character. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
It
was so hot birds were wearing driving gloves at the feeder. / It was
so hot we shipped all the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn't
forget how to swim. / It was so hot bees took off their yellow
jackets.
If
you hate wearing a mask, you're really not going to like the
ventilator. --Submitted by ra of hi
..........Look
out, kid, it's somethin' you did.........Bob Dylan …..Subterranean
Homesick Blues
Moonbeam:
The most common characteristic of all police states is intimidation
by surveillance. Citizens know they are being watched and overheard.
Their mail is being examined. Their homes can be invaded. --Vance
Packard
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Thistle
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hey
seniors, if you're really missing graduation sit in the sun wearing a
shower curtain while someone reads from a phone book for 3 hours.
--Kyle Dodson --Submitted by pl of hi
Week
of the Week: National Unicycle Week
(16-23) –What's the difference between a well-dress man on a
unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? Attire.
It
was so hot chickens were laying hard-boiled eggs. / It was so hot
fire ants changed their name to warm biscuit ants. / It was so hot
the loaf of bread was toasted by the time you got home from the
store.
If
you are driving alone in your car with a face mask on, stay home even
after this is over.
..........Everybody
knows that baby's got new clothes.........Bob Dylan …..Just Like A
Woman
^
Doyle
was a prolific writer; other than his 60 Holmes stories, his works
include fantasy and science fiction stories about Professor
Challenger
and humorous stories about the Napoleonic soldier Brigadier
Gerard,
as well as plays, romances, poetry, non-fiction, and historical
novels.
Almanac:
It is Friday, May 22, 2020. The moon is new tonight and is in Gemini.
The United Nations has declared this International Day for Biological
Diversity. It is Canadian Immigrants Day, Harvey Milk Day, Heat
Awareness Day, and National Maritime Day. In Angel's Camp CA it is
Jumping Frog Jubilee Day/ Haiti celebrates National Sovereignty Day
and Sri Lanka commemorates Republic Day (1972). In the US it is
National Maritime Day. Because it is Fourth Friday it is also
National Title Track Day and since it is also the Friday before
Memorial Day it is Don't Fry Day and National Wig Out Day.
Among
those born on this day were Richard Wagner (1813), Mary Cassatt
(1844), Arthur Conan Doyle (1859), Robert Gordon Sproul (1891),
Laurence Olivier (1907), Anatol Rapoport (1911), Vance Packard
(1914), T. Boone Pickens (1928), Richard Benjamin (1938), Michael
Sarrazin (1940), Bernie Taupin (1950), and Naomi Campbell (1970).
On
May twenty-second the Peace of Goulet
began (1200), the first atlas was published (1570), the first life
insurance policy was issued (1761), the first public library opened
(CT, 1803), the Associated Press was organized (1900), the Truman
Doctrine went into effect (1947), Bob Dylan was Bar Mitzvahed (Robert
Zimmerman, 1954), the last "Bob Hope Show" aired on tv
(1956), Willie Stargel hit 3 homeruns, a double and a single (1968),
Ceylon became the Republic of Sri Lanka (1972),Windows 3.0 was
released (1990), and Johnny Carson did his last Tonight
Show (1992).
Night
Sky, 5/22:
Mercury and Venus are still close together, 1.7° apart, as shown
above. Think photo opportunity. Put your camera or phone on a tripod,
zoom in as far as you can, and carry the setup around to get
interesting foreground to frame the planets.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Chef Max and Sous Chef Mom in the kitchen
This
Week: Saturday, May 23 –
National Taffy Day & World Turtle Day
Sunday,
May 24 – Morse Code Day & Neighbor Day & Brother's
Day
Night
Sky, 5/24:
Mars,
Jupiter,
and Saturn
(magnitudes,
+0.2, – 2.4, and +0.5, respectively) shine in the southeast to
south before and during early dawn.
Monday,
May 25 – Nerd Pride Day & Cookie Monster's Birthday &
Towel Day
Tuesday,
May 26 – National Paper Airplane Day
Wednesday,
May 27 – Cellophane Tape Day & World Otter Day
Night
Sky, 5/27:
Neptune
(magnitude
7.9, in Aquarius) is fairly low in the east-southeast just before
dawn begins.
Thursday,
May 28 – Amnesty International Founders Day & Shavuot &
Sierra Club Day
It
was so hot polar bears were wearing sunscreen. / It was so hot the
toilet bowl water misted up a made a bidet. / It was that asphalt
remembered it has a liquid state.
I'll
never forget the look on the cashiers face, when she scanned the
packet of bird seed and I asked her how long it takes for the birds
to grow once I plant them. --Submitted by ss of kc
..........Ah,
but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.........Bob
Dylan …..My Back Pages
^^
Doylas was born in Edinburgh, Scotland. From age 9-16 he attended
school in Lancashire England. At 16 he went to school in Austria. He
returned to Edinburgh to study medicine.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
All my passwords are protected by amnesia. --Submitted by the RHOZ
Moonbeam:
The difference between a top-flight creative man and the hack is his
ability to express powerful meanings indirectly. --Vance Packard.
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: The longer this goes on, the harder
it's going to be to return to a society where pants are required.
--Stephen Colbert / Fox hosts say the word Obama
like it's their safe word. --Seth Meyers
/ “Obamagate” – a conspiracy for which Fox News hasn’t been
this excited since the last time Colin Kaepernick bent down to tie
his shoes. But the basic idea, so the claim goes, is that when Obama
was president, he illegally used the power of the justice department
to spy on his political enemy Donald Trump. And if you’re thinking,
didn’t he already do this like a year ago? And he called it
‘Spygate?’ You are correct. It’s called a reboot. --Trevor
Noah / 'Needless suffering and death' is Trump’s new campaign
slogan. --Jimmy Kimmel
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Wearing a face mask is an
effective way to stop the spread of germs, but it's not an effective
way to slam down a super grande margarita. So luckily, a woman in New
Orleans - where else? - created a face mask with a small hole in the
front where you can insert first your drinking straw and then, in the
due course of time, your ventilator. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait,
Don't Tell Me 5/16/20
This
is no more than a frank recognition that totalitarian regimes imposed
on free peoples, by direct or indirect aggression, undermine the
foundations of international peace and hence the security... –The
Truman Doctrine
It
was so hot congress installed a fan in the debt ceiling. / It was so
hot people were breaking wind just to feel a breeze. / It was so hot
your car overheated before you could turn the key.
Do
not call the police about suspicious people in your neighborhood!
These are you neighbors without hair-coloring, make-up, and hair
extensions. --Submitted by bu of ks
..........I
saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it.........Bob
Dylan …..Hard Rain's Gonna Fall
^^^
Doyle
struggled to find a publisher for his work. His first work featuring
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, A
Study in Scarlet,
was written in 3 weeks when he was 27 and taken by Ward Lock &
Company on 20 November 1886, giving Doyle £25 (equivalent to £2,700
in 2019) for all rights to the story. The piece appeared one year
later in the Beeton's
Christmas Annual.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: Sharks kill about 10 people a year. Human
kill about 100 million shark every year.
Preantepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's
the last week of school and I'm pround to say my husband and I have a
B- in third grade math.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This
school year follows what we like to call the Harry Potter format,
nice around Halloween, a bit weird by the holidays, and all hell
broken loose by the end of the term.
Weird
Word of the Week:
Vinolent – intemperate or addicted to wine In
the Canterbury
Tales,
Geoffrey Chaucer wrote “In woman vinolent is no defence, This
knowen lecchours by experience
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-vin1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Temporarily repair a small hole or crack in a radiator house. Chew a
stick of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum until all the sugar is gone, and
then use the gum to patch any small hole in a radiator hose. Secure
the piece of gum in place by wrapping a piece of duct tape, adhesive
tape, or a Band-Aid Bandage around gum and hose.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys.html
Antepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
People keep asking, “Is COVID-19 really that serious?” Listen Up!
Casinos & Churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the
same thing, it's probably pretty serious. --Submitted by tb of ar
It
was so hot we filled the waterbed with ice cubes. / It was so hot
everybody had seat belt brands on their bellies. / It was so hot
trees were fighting over dogs.
The
only chip going in my body gonna have queso on it. --Submitted by
RHOZ
...........She
talks to all the servants about man and god and law.........Bob
Dylan …..Maggie's Farm
^^^^
While living in Southsea, the seaside resort of Portsmouth, Doyle
played football as a goalkeeper for Portsmouth Association Football
Club under the pseudonym A. C. Smith. Also a keen golfer, Doyle was
elected captain of the Crowborough Beacon Golf Club. Doyle was an
amateur boxer. Doyle was a keen cricketer, and between 1899 and 1907
he played 10 first-class matches for the Marylebone Cricket Club. He
entered the English Amateur billiards championship in 1913.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: New
study confirms cats can't spread COVID-19, but would if given the
option. --Submitted by gr of oh
Science
Fiction Joke of the Week: Did you know
that Obi Wan actually retired and opened a bakery on Tatooine. It
was called Obi Want Cannoli.
Actual
Science Joke of the Week: What does a subatomic duck say?
Quark!
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck snuggled into a Hogwarts throw in the case
of the Wizardly Weimaraner.
It
was so hot Karen set her house on fire to cool off. / It was so hot
hot water came out of both faucets. / It was so hot you could wash
and dry your clothes at the same time.
Stop
saying they didn't teach us that in school. Yes, they did. You were
talking.
..........And
keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again.........Bob
Dylan …..The Times They Are A-Changin'
^^^^^
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are detective characters created by
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. According to the books, Sherlock Holmes lived
at 221b Baker Street in London between 1881 and 1904. The building at
221b Baker Street is a museum dedicated to the life and times of
Sherlock Holmes, and the interior has been maintained to reflect
what's written in the published stories.
Month
of the Week: May is National Photo Month
--The young man is accused of stealing the entire photography
gallery. He claims he was framed. Sorry. It's hard to find
photography jokes; they just haven't been developed yet.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's
okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love
them. --Submitted by cmdc of ks
Today's
Peace of History, May
22, 2001: Delegates from 127 countries
formally voted approval of the Stockholm Convention on Persistent
Organic Pollutants (POPS), a treaty calling for the initial
elimination of 12 of the most dangerous manmade chemicals, nine of
which are pesticides.
It
was so hot they changed the title to Fifty Shades of Red. / It
was so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water. / It was
so hot Lance Armstrong tested positive for Snapple.
Technically
if you don't cut a cake and just eat the whole thing with a fork you
still only had one piece.
..........Morning
came and morning went.........Bob Dylan …..You
Ain't Going Nowhere
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle, May 22, 2020, Torrid ePistle. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Laughs, peace, and even cheaper laughs. Exclusive editor: Christine
Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam:
Furthermore, unlike man's other great good friend the horse, the cat
is no sweating serf of man. The only labor she condescends to
perform is to catch mice and rats, and that's fun. --Vance Packard
Cost
of War:
As
of 5/21/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,028,880,566,292.
As
of 5/14/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,026,898,238,451.
As
of 5/21/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $967,772,009,464.
As
of 5/14/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $966,426,060,971.
As
of 5/21/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $766,286,176,039.
As
of 5/14/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $764,592,828,780.
As
of 5/21/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $329,792,255,870.
As
of 5/14/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $329,407,491,717.
As
of 5/21/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,092,733,265.618.
As
of 5/14/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,087,325,438.930.
If
we falter in our leadership, we may endanger the peace of the world
-- and we shall surely endanger the welfare of our own nation. --The
Truman Doctrine
Famous
Last Words: Thank you. Thank you so much. --Bob Hope Closing
number Thanks for the Memories
..........So
I'll just say fare thee well.........Bob Dylan
…..Don't Think Twice
It
was so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner. / It
was so hot Jehovah's Witnesses switched to telemarketing. / It was so
hot you could catch catfish already fried.
May
Peace grace your salad
And
Joy be your dressing
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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