Friday, May 8, 2020

ePistle Posted

Famous First Words: By a joint resolution... Woodrow Wilson's Mother's Day Declaration
Happy Birthday Post Office!!! "I need to send a telegram." The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?" The dog says "I need it to say, Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 3 more "woofs" in for you." The dog looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense. And Happy Birthday to the Westminster Dog Show Too! / Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue for the devil takes many forms.
..........There's a bright golden haze on the meadow.........Oscar Hammerstein …...O What A Beautiful Morning (Oklahoma)
Number one, that it is smart to communicate and negotiate with your enemy instead of just waging war with bombs and weapons of mass destruction. --Theodore Sorensen
It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is a flat, pale blue with only an occasional fluffy white cloud drifting by. A 49°F temperature is a little chilly and a 15 mile an hour wind makes me remember the earlier spring. Birdsong dominates the air, presenting several levels from several species for matins full and rich. Puck sits in my chair looking out the ajar door until the cool seeps in a we close it completely. Sun brings out the rich greens and yellows in the yard then a passing cloud filters the colors briefly only to make them shine the brighter when the sunshine returns. I go to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of Moose Munch with cream and sweetener while Puck contemplates the morning ultimately falling back to sleep. But I don't care; I inhale the aroma of chocolate and popcorn and sit down to write to you. Can't get much better.
Hope your weekend really delivers, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've been washing my hands so much that I uncovered a nightclub stamp from 25 years ago. --Submitted by ss of kc
After Hogwarts Harry Potter got a job at the Post Office. Because he's a Parcelmouth. / The Post Office hired me to find innovative ways to mail things. My job is pushing the envelope.
..........Every flower and tree is a treat to see........Oscar Hammerstein …...A Hundred Million Miracles (Flower Drum Song)
Trivia Questions: 40 years ago today we said good-bye to smallpox. I haven't missed it (them?) once.
^ What sort of nasty little critter caused smallpox?
^^ How did smallpox spread from person to person?
^^^ Because there are currently no cases of smallpox anywhere in the world, what would be considered an outbreak?
^^^^ How is smallpox treated?
^^^^^ Have there been any smallpox cases since 1980?
Poem of the Week: A mob of the MAGA persuasion / Conducted a statehouse invasion / Though heavily armed / They parted unharmed / And that's how we know they're Caucasian. --Submitted by sb of ar
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What are murder hornets and how much toilet paper do we need to buy? --Submitted by inrith
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: At commencement ceremonies 47% of library school programs confer an honorary MLS to a rescue cat from the local shelter. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
It took so long for women to be hired by the Post Office because it is a mail dominated industry. / Why did the doctor call the post office? He needed help delivering a baby.
..........I fear I fool myself as well........Oscar Hammerstein …...Whistle A Happy Tune (The King And I)
Moonbeam: The freedom of all is essential to my freedom. --Mikhail Bakunin
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Rot Khol

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've decided that the expression “more fully-assed” is a great improvement over “Not quite so half-asssed”. --Submitted by dr of oh
Week of the Week: National Tourism Week (3-9) – Cruise Deal – Buy one week, get 2 free. Promo Code: Corona / I owe the Jurassic Park franchise an apology, it is in fact very realistic that the rich would reopen a park in spite of it consistently resulting in mass death.
A woman goes to the post office for stamps for Christmas cards. She asks the cashier for stamps and the cashier replies, “What denomination?” The woman thinks for a moment and responds, “I’ll take six Catholic, twelve Methodist, and thirty-two Mormon, please.” / I was going to make a post office joke; but I just don't have the right delivery.
..........I am starry eyed and vaguely discontented.........Oscar Hammerstein …...It Might As Well Be Spring (State Fair)
^ Smallpox is caused by the variola virus. When smallpox was common, it had two main forms: variola major and variola minor. Both forms caused similar skin rashes, but the minor form was much less deadly. Variola major killed about 3 in 10 people infected with it.
Almanac: It is Friday, May 8, 2020. The moon was full (Flower) yesterday and is in Sagittarius. The UN has designated this the Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During WWII. (8th & 9th). It is also Free Trade Day, National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day, No Socks Day, V.E. Day, World Ovarian Cancer Day, World Red Cross/Red Crescent Day, Child Care Provider Day, Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks a Voice, and Military Spouse Appreciation Day (always the Friday before Mother's Day). In Helston, England it is Furry Day. México celebrates Hidalgo Day. Missouri remembers Harry S Truman's Birthday (1884). Norway and Czechosolovakia both commemorate Liberation Day; and finally Ribe, Denmark observes Stork Day.
Among those born on this day were Edward Gibbon (1737), Miguel Hidalgo y Castilla (1753), Mikhail Alexandrovich Bakunin (1814), Jean Henri Dunant (1828), Oscar Hammerstein (1846), Louis Madelin (1871), Harry S. Truman (1884), Ezio Pinza (1892), Fulton Sheen (1895), Jan F van Hall (1899), Mary Lou Williams (1910), Robert Johnson (1911), Don Rickles (1926), Theodore Sorensen (1928), Gary Snyder (Japhy Ryder, 1930), Sonny Liston (1934), James Darren (1936), Thomas Pynchon (1937), Rick Nelson (Eric Hilliard, 1940), Peter Benchley (1940), Euclid "Motorhead" Sherwood (1942), Toni Tennille (1943), Alex Van Halen (1955), and Melissa Gilbert (1964).
On May eighth Coddington founded Newport (RI, 1639), the US established a military draft (1792), the US Post Office was established (1794), the rubber tire was patented (1847), John Brown held an antislavery convention (Chatham, Canada, 1858), the first Westminster Dog Show opened (1877), Sweden abolished capital punishment (1921), Dumbarton Oaks premiered (1938), the first eye bank opened (NYC, 1944), and WHO announced that smallpox had been eradicated (1980).
Night Sky, 5/4: The waning gibbous Moon rises in the east-southeast around 10 pm daylight-saving time, depending on where you live in your time zone. Once it's well up, look to its right or lower right for Antares, twinkling pale orange. Around and to the upper right of Antares are lesser, whiter stars of upper Scorpius. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max and daddy's quarantine beard.

This Week: Saturday, May 9 – American Indian Day & International Migratory Bird Day & Mother Ocean Day
Sunday, May 10 – Clean Your Room Day & National Hamster Day & Mother's Day
Night Sky, 5/10: Summer is still six weeks away, but the Summer Triangle is beginning to make its appearance in the east, one star after another. The first in view is bright Vega. It's already visible low in the northeast as twilight fades. Next up is Deneb, lower left of Vega by two or three fists at arm's length. Deneb takes about an hour to appear after Vega does, depending on your latitude. The third is Altair, which shows up far to their lower right by midnight.
Monday, May 11 – National Women's Check-up Day & Eat What You Want Day
Tuesday, May 12 – Hug Your Cat Day & Limerick Day & Native American Rights Day
Wednesday, May 13 – Donate A Day's Wages to Charity & Frog Jumping Day & Receptionists Day
Night Sky, 5/13: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark in May: Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest (upper right of Venus). They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun.
Thursday, May 14 – National Chicken Dance Day & National Decency Day & Underground America Day
These days everyone is talking about the post office; but nobody ever talks about the pre office. / So I got a phone call from the post office today...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
..........Let me go 'way from the white man boss.........Oscar Hammerstein …...Old Man River (Showboat)
^^ Smallpox is spread through close contact with a person who has symptoms of the disease. After a person is exposed to or comes in contact with the smallpox virus, there is an incubation period of about 10 to 14 days. During this time it causes no symptoms and the person is not infectious. Once the first sores appear in the person's mouth and throat (early rash stage) he or she is contagious.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can fairly judge a man based on what movies he knows Tim Curry from. --Submitted by Fifty Nerds of Grey (FNOG)
Moonbeam: From the naturalistic point of view, all men are equal. There are only two exceptions to this rule of naturalistic equality: geniuses and idiots. --Michael Bakunin
Late Night Snacks of the Week: As several states began tentative, and risky, reopening measures, Donald Trump held a town hall at the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday night exclusively for Fox News – which makes sense because Trump is constantly either in a state of watching Fox or appearing on Fox or watching himself appearing on Fox. Eventually Fox is just going to turn into a 24/7 feed of Drumpf watching himself on Fox like an infinity mirror. --Seth Meyers / Goddamn, only in America do protests start with storming the Capitol with assault rifles. I mean, did you try calling? Writing a letter? Usually the armed rebellion is the last step. --Trevor Noah / Think of it like this: if our goal was to eat an Italian dinner, we’re currently stuck in traffic on the way to an Olive Garden. We’re not even halfway to arriving at the worst place that technically qualifies --John Oliver / Here’s the thing: Trump doesn’t want everything to go back to normal because we’re ready for it to go back to normal; he wants everything to go back to normal because he’s bored. Indeed, Trump told reporters this week that he’s been in the White House for months and would “like to get out”. Mr President, we would all like to get you out of the White House, --Stephen Colbert / another reason to be scared of going back to work is that “all of our offices definitely belong to the roaches now”. --Samantha Bee / Clearly he did not wear a mask. Is this really a surprise? If there’s one thing we know from Stormy Daniels it’s that wearing protection isn’t his No 1 concern. --Jimmy Kimmel
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Pentagon has now officially released these cockpit videos showing what they are calling encounters with UFOs. They're real. They're real. How refreshing at a time when we long for physical contact that somebody - somebody - is willing to get right up close and probe us. So they didn't land none of these things. But would you? We're basically the galaxy's version of a gas station bathroom. Go if you have to, but try not to touch anything. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 5/2/20
I'm simply saying that there are advantages in sending a skilled diplomat who can always say, “I”ll get back to you on that, Mr. Minister”. --Theodore Sorensen
I was in line at the Post Office and this old man in front of me kept shouting into a manila envelope. When he finally got to the window, he said he wanted to send a voice mail. / What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common? They don't deliver on Sunday
..........Before you are six or seven or eight.........Oscar Hammerstein …...You've Got To Be Carefully Taught (South Pacific)
^^^ One confirmed case of smallpox would be considered a public health emergency.
Worthless Fact of the Week: During early colonial times in the 1600s, few American colonists needed to send mail to each other; it was more likely that their correspondence was with letter writers in Britain. Mail deliveries from across the Atlantic were sporadic and could take many months to arrive. There were no post offices in the colonies, so mail was typically left at inns and taverns.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Murder Hornets, but with the right lawyer, Manslaughter Bees. --Ssubmitted by ma of va
Weird Word of the Week: Taradiddle – a minor lie, a fib http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-tar1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Adhere plastic bathroom tiles. If a tile comes loose, put a little piece of chewed Wrigley's Spearmint Gum on each corner and press back in place. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys.html
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't panic, but can someone check if the dolphins are still here? --Submitted by nd of mo
How stupid are the people at the Post Office. The woman at the window said my parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it. Yeah, like that's gonna make it lighter. / What starts with the letter P and has a baillion letters in it? a POST OFFICE
...........Like a pack of angry wolves on the trail.........Oscar Hammerstein …...The Mounties (Rose Marie)
^^^^ Currently, no treatment is available to cure smallpox, but the disease can be prevented with the smallpox vaccine. Medicine can also be given to help ease symptoms and treat any bacterial infections that may occur. Smallpox infection with variola major is fatal in up to 30% of those who get it. Research is ongoing to find a medicine that can be used to treat smallpox.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Forget about getting all my ducks in a row...I'd settle for getting them in the same pond. --Submitted by inrith
Science Fiction Convention Joke of the Week: Three guys go to a Star Wars convention. They all chip in to get a luxury suite on the 75th floor and they have a great day at the convention. When it closes down and it's time to go back to the room, they realize the elevator is broken and they have to walk up 75 flights of stairs so the one guy says"OK I got an idea for the first 25 floors I'll tell jokes since I'm good At telling jokes and since Jim is really good at singing he'll be singing for the next 25 floors and Frank is great at telling scary stories he'll tell them for the final 25 floors. So they all agree to this idea and for the first 25 floors they were cracking jokes. For the next 25 floors Jim was singing and everyone was having a good time. When it gets to Frank's turn and he says"for my first scary story I left the key to the room in the van"
Actual Science Convention Joke of the Week: Heisenberg is driving to a physics convention to show off his new Uncertainty Principle On the way he observes the speedometer, and finds himself lost.
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck guarding 2 small pieces of cheese from his partner Justice in the case of the Provolone Pomeranian.

I got a letter that was just addressed “The Idiot”. What bothers me is that the Post Office knew where to deliver it. / A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny. This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home. He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller pieces. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send. The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs a dressing".
..........Walk on with hope in your heart........Oscar Hammerstein …...You'll Never Walk Alone (Carousal)
^^^^^ Thanks to the success of vaccination, the last natural outbreak of smallpox in the US occurred in 1949. In 1980, the World Health Assembly declared smallpox eradicated (eliminated), and no cases of naturally occurring smallpox have happened since.
Month of the Week: May is National Barbecue Month --“Mmmmmmm. This all reminds me of Fred. His motto was, “Low and slow.” “He was seriously into barbecue, huh?” “No, unfortunately, he was a pilot “ / How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq? They'll tell you.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The WHO and CDC now recommend that we all wear blindfolds along with our masks to protect us from seeing what's really going on. --Submitted by RHOZ
Today's Peace of History, May 8, 1961: An estimated 9 million people in Belgium participated in a ten-minute work stoppage to protest nuclear weapons.
Sarah almost forgot to mail a birthday card to her best friend. She hurried into the Post Office with a card and asks the postal service worker for a first-class stamp. “Do I have to put this stamp on myself?” she asks. “No,” the postal employee replies. “You can put it right on the envelope.”
..........Make it happy an' be happy as you make it..........Oscar Hammerstein …..Keep It Gay (Me & Juliet)
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 8, 2020, Epistle Posted. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Laughs, Love, and Stamps. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. --Michael Bakunin
Cost of War:
As of 5/7/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,024,915,033,319.
As of 4/30/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,022,969,576,231.
As of 5/7/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $965,078,247,946.
As of 4/30/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $963,756,075,817.
As of 5/7/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $762,898,443,2445.
As of 4/30/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $761,236,284,418.
As of 5/7/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $329,022,390,875.
As of 4/30/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $328,644,621,179.
As of 5/7/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,081,915,190.329.
As of 4/30/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,076,607,314,046.
Above all, we shall wage no more unilateral, ill-planned, ill-considered, and ill-prepared invasions of foreign countries that pose no actual threat to our security. --Theodore Sorensen
Famous Last Words: Streams and mountains never stay the same. Gary Snyder Endless Streams and Mountains
..........I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly........Oscar Hammerstein …...So Long, Farewell (Sound of Music)
Scientists have found a way to slow down the speed of light. They shine it through a Post Office. / Stamps. They sit in the corner and do nothing all day and somehow still travel all over the world.
May Peace protect you
And Joy surround you
prairie mama
christine


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