Famous
First Words: This most holy general synod of
Constance...Council of Konstanz (5/29/1415),
May
is Home Schooling Awareness Month: No, I was not talking to myself.
I was having a parent teacher conference. Why? / I home school
because I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my
children.
..........I
thought I'd call you in Topeka, but I didn't want the
pity.........Melissa Etheridge …..Kansas City
“In
the sad aftermath that always follows a great war, there is nothing
sadder than the surprise of the returned soldiers when they discover
that they are regarded generally as public nuisances. And not too
honest.” —H.L. Mencken
It
is a gorgeous (65°F) Friday morning; blues skies are clear of clouds
but filled with birdsong and the occasional bird itself. The birds
sound as though they are planning a full day and rejoicing that the
rain has past. Puck, watching at the open back door sites a squirrel
on the top of the privacy fence and takes off in an eruption of barks
and a burst of speed while the squirrel simply transfers to a tree
trunk in the neighbor's yard. Willow branches sway gracefully in the
breeze and all of the various greens are polished and intense. I try
hard to concentrate, try to focus on the moment, to describe how lush
it is. I want to bathe in its beauty and wash away the ugliness of
hatred and death. Instead, I call in Puck who is still arguing with
the squirrel in the neighbor's tree and close the door that ends the
birdsong. So now I smell freshly brewed coffee and stale incense. I
fix a cup and sit awhile sipping sweet creaminess and staring at the
slowly swishing willows.
Hope
your weekend is the best recess ever, ePistliers.
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I accidentally paid for my
groceries with my library card. My macaroni and cheese is due back
next Friday. --Submitted by dr of oh
No,
Ms Jones, giving your child a bath does not count as a marine biology
field trip. / Doesn't Home Schooling include Second Breakfast?
..........Just
sit around just get on down.........La Toya Jackson …..If You Feel
The Funk
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday to Bob Hope!!
^
Bob was married to the same American signer for 69 years. Can you
name her?
^^
Of which mid-western baseball team did Hope become partial owner in
1946?
^^^
How many USO show did Bob do altogether anyway?
^^^^
How many Road movies did Hope, Crosby, and Lamour make?
^^^^^
On September 16, 1968, Bob Hope and Richard Nixon appeared on the
same television program. Which program, where the future president
said "Sock it to me?", was it?
Big
Hello:
Haai - Afrikans
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You
know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy?
Cookies don't do that. --Submitted by jk of idk
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
At this point 75% of librarians are actually more surprised by which
coworkers do NOT have a tattoo.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Real
Library Statistic of the Week:
More than 48,000 library items are currently checked out. To avoid an
avalanche of returns, you may take your time returning items to the
main library drop. Remember, we’re fine free! --Lawrence Public
Library
Library Reopening Plan
Let's
be honest. Homeschooling my daughter is not going to make her weird.
I'm her mother...she was doomed from the start. / 25 years from now
kids everywhere will be like “I remember the spring of 2020; that's
when I learned how much liquor it takes to be a parent.
..........And
the love is real as the day is long.........Melissa Etheridge
…..Chrome Plated Heart
Moonbeam:
I shall honour the Quakers for their
noble Effort to abolish Slavery. It is equally calculated to promote
moral & political Good. --Patrick
Henry
Not
Quite Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Halo Braid
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Everyone is talking about a 3 day weekend like we didn't just have 2
months off. --Submitted by inrith
Week
of the Week: National Backyard Games
Week (25-6/1) --If you are not prepared to lose your children's
trust over a game of lawn darts, then you're not playing hard enough.
I
don't know what we did, but mom put herself in time-out two hours
ago. / How many games of Clue have ended in an actual murder? In
about 5 minutes it's gonna be dad, in the living room, with the 9
year old's recorder.
..........In
my pocket I'll carry my harp.........Melissa Etheridge …..You Can
Sleep While I Drive
^
Bob Hope was married to Dolores L DeFina for 69 years. She sang
under the name Delores
Reade.
Almanac:
It is Friday, May 29, 2020. The moon will be first quarter tonight.
It is in Virgo. The United Nations has declared this
International Day of UN Peacekeepers. In addition it is Bat Days
(last full weekend), Hug Your Cat Day (last Friday), Learn About
Composting Day, and Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day. In England Oak
Apple Day aka Nettle Day has been celebrated on this date since
1660).
Among
those born on this day were Charles II (1630), Louis Daubenton
(1716), Patrick Henry (1736), Ebenezer Butterick (1826), Hans Makart
(1840), Alfonsina Storni (1892), Bob Hope (Leslie Townes, 1903), Neil
R. Jones (1909), John F. Kennedy (1917), Al Unser (1939), Danny
Elfman (1953), LaToya Jackson (1956), Annette Bening (1958), and
Melissa Etheridge (1961).
On
May twenty-ninth the Council of Konstanz opened (1415), Winthrop
began writing 'History of New England" (1630), Rhode Island
became the last of the the original 13 colonies to ratify the
Constitution (1790), Wisconsin became the 30th state (1848), the
current constitution of Switzerland took effect (1874), Frank "Home
Run" Baker hit his first career homerun (1909), the official
flag of the president of the US was adopted (1916), the Supreme Court
exempted baseball from anti-trust laws (1922), Crosby recorded "White
Christmas" (1942), Hillary and Norkay reached the summit of
Everest (1953), de Gaulle formed a French government (1959),
"Truth in Lending" became law (1968), A J Foyt won the
Indianapolis 500 for a record 4th time (1977), 1st class postage rose
to 15 cents (1978), and Yeltsin was elected (1990).
Night
Sky, 5/29: As
the stars come out the Moon is high in the southwest, below the belly
of Leo's stick-figure lion pattern. The Moon forms a nearly
equilateral triangle with Leo's Regulus to its lower right and Gamma
Leonis (Algieba), slightly fainter, more directly to the Moon's
right, depending on your location. The triangle is just about
perfectly equilateral, 8° on a side, at the time of late twilight
for the East Coast of North America.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max reinvents the face mask.
This
Week: Saturday, June 1 –
National Go Barefoot Day & National Dare Day & Say Something
Nice Day
Sunday,
June 2 – National Gun Violence Awareness Day & Leave the
Office Early Day
Night
Sky, 6/2: With summer just three weeks away
(astronomically speaking), the last star of the Summer Triangle rises
above the eastern horizon at the end of twilight. That's Altair, the
Triangle's lower right corner. Its highest and brightest corner is
Vega. The third is Deneb, sparkling less far to Vega's lower left.
Monday,
June 3 – Wonder Woman Day & World Bicycle Day
Tuesday,
June 4 – Hug Your Cat Day & National Punk Day & Old
Maid's Day
Wednesday,
June 5 – Hot Air Balloon Day & National Moonshine Day &
World Environment Day
Thursday,
June 6 – National Black Bear Day & National Prairie Day
& YoYo Day
We're
kicking off Home School Spirit Week today with Meltdown Monday. / I
just did 20 minutes of physical education with my fourth grader. I
lieu of flowers, please donate to your favorite charity in my memory.
..........A
little remedy never do you no harm.........Melissa Etheridge …..The
Medicine Show
^^Hope
was part of an investment group, headed by Bill Veeck, which
purchased the Cleveland Indians in 1946.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Zoom needs a button that
plays wrap it up music like at the Oscars.
Moonbeam:
Show me that age and country where the rights and liberties of the
people were placed on the sole chance of their rulers being good men,
without a consequent loss of liberty? --Patrick Henry
Arrogant
Pleasure of the Week: I must admit that
I like being able to say: O, No, I'm older than the boomers.
Actually, I've always wanted to say: Thanks, but I'm not an aging
hippie. I'm older than that. I'm an aging beatnik. - but it has
never come up in conversation.
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: Salons are open in the dumb states,
but they're closed everywhere else, so people are left to cut their
own hair, which is not something any of us should be doing. If you've
seen examples online of people baking their own bread, imagine
something that messed up, but it's a human head. --Peter Sagal
Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/22/20
Into
a Bar Joke of the Week: A rabbit, a
minister, and a priest go into a bar. The rabbit takes a sip of her
beer and says, "I think I'm a typo." --Submitted by ja of
ks
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Since the only late night
host on the job this week was Jimmy Kimmel and he wasn't funny enough
to replace 5 people, I am including a Letterman Top Ten List from May
1990:
Top
10 Business Tips from the President's Son:
10:
Demand 2 pieces of ID before loaning a guy $100 million.
9:
Business cards should include name, address, and phrase “My Dad's
the President”
8:
Read my lips: cheat on taxes
7:
Have old man call tactical nuclear strike on new bank across the
street
6:
Ask Quayle if he has two 10s for a 5. Repeat until you are rich
5:
Suck up to Trump
4:
Slugs usually work in White House condom machines.
3:
Remind reporters that unlike Ron Reagan, Jr, you never wore leotards
in your life.
2:
Big Gulp is best value at 7-Eleven.
1:
If accused of bank fraud, best defense is a simple and elegant
“Oops!”.
Despite
such treatment, the legacy of the Bonus Army lives on not only in the
passing of the G.I. Bill in 1944, but in every sit-down strike,
every march, and every demonstration for economic justice.
Home
Schooling has added “I'll Fail You” to a parent's repertoire of
empty parenting threats. / I moved a table into the living room so
the kids now have a cute little work space/desk are to sit at while
they whine.
..........When
you hug me and you squeeze me.........Melissa
Etheridge …..Rock And Roll Me
^^^
Bob Hope headlined in 57 USO tours, and still managed to find the
time to do a 'few' other things.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The eyes of the mantis
shrimp are mounted on mobile stalks and can move independently of
each other. They are thought to have the most complex eyes in the
animal kingdom and have the most complex visual system ever
discovered. Compared to the three types of photoreceptor cells that
humans possess in their eyes, the eyes of a mantis shrimp have
between 12 and 16 types of photoreceptors cells.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It
took me 19 years to realize that when someone says “hold your
horses” they're telling me to be stable. --Submitted by 50nog
Weird
Word of the Week:
Whopper-jawed – something askew. Aka wapper-jawed,
whomper-jawed,
whompey-jawed,
whoppy-jawed
or whompsey-jawed,
and also seems to be related to the even rarer lopper-jawed
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-who4.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Fill cracks in a wall or a clay flowerpot. Use a well-chewed stick of
Wrigley's Spearmint Gum.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys.html
When
a Home Schooling family suspends a student, does that student then
attend public school? / Check on your friends stuck in quarantine
with kids that never stop talking. We are NOT okay.
...........Let
the rain set me free.........Melissa Etheridge
…..The Late September Dogs
^^^^
Starting in 1940, Hope and Crosby would star in seven “Road”
films, along with co-star Dorothy Lamar.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I hit
the gym today but I drove away because I don't have car insurance
--#RHOZ
Science
Fiction Joke of the Week: Have you tried
the new gluten-free wookie treats? They're a little chewy.
Actual
Science Joke of the Week: A physicist, a chemist and a
biologist go to the beach. The
physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into
the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then
walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over
the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the
local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and
drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I
have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in
water!"
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Puck is tried of sheltering, has given up case work, and taken up
singing the blues because he feels like he's in dog jail.
New
on the NYT Best Seller List: When to Expel Your Kid from Home School.
/ If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global
pandemic would be, I would never have guessed “teaching elementary
school math.
..........Wait
by the light of the moon.........Melissa
Etheridge …..Come To My Window
^^^^^
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In – Besides Hope, the episode featured
the guest appearances by Hugh Hefner, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Jack Lemmon, and
John Wayne. Richard Nixon, running for, but not yet elected to, the
presidency, appeared for a "Sock it to me!" scene.
Month
of the Week: May is Salad Month --A man
goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.
“That looks nasty,” says the doctor. “Nasty?” replies the
man, “this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If
2020 had a flavor it would be orange juice and toothpaste.
--Submitted by inrith
Today's
Peace of History: May 29, 1932: In the depths
of the Great Depression, the “Bonus Expeditionary Force,” a group
of 1000 World War I veterans seeking to cash in their veterans’
bonus certificates, arrived in Washington, D.C. Though issued to the
veterans in 1924, the certificates were not scheduled to be paid
until 1945. By mid-June, the vets had set up a massive “Hooverville,”
a contemporary term for an encampment of the homeless.
Mr
Johnson, this course...The Poetry of Quantum Mechanics in the Age of
Professional Wrestling...seems a bit contrived. / When do Home School
teachers get their two days off for staff training?
..........Watching
all my moves, breaking all the rules.........La Toya Jackson …..Just
Wanna Dance
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle May 29, 2020, Educated ePistle. Peace, Laughs, and
Lessons. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence,
KS 66047
Moonbeam:
The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when
the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.
--Patrick Henry
Cost
of War:
As
of 5/28/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,030,872,398,219.
As
of 5/21/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,028,880,566,292.
As
of 5/28/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $969,126,970,165.
As
of 5/21/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $967,772,009,464.
As
of 5/28/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $767,988,261,116.
As
of 5/21/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $766,286,176,039.
As
of 5/28/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $330,179,171,024.
As
of 5/21/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $329,792,255,870.
As
of 5/28/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,098,167,760.251.
As
of 5/21/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,092,733,265.618.
From
Shays Rebellion in 1787 to the quarter-million homeless vets today,
generation after generation of U.S. military personnel has suffered a
lack of support from their government
Famous
Last Words: Pardon me, sir. --Marie Antoinette last words
1793
..........Out
of my heart out of my hair.........Melissa
Etheridge …..Goodnight
Home
Schoolers birthday party included the game Pin the Atomic Number
of the Periodic Chart. / The downside of Home Schooling. My
mother called grandpa's funeral a school reunion.
May
Peace be your lesson
And
Joy be your test
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh: Submitted by
fnog
