Famous
First Words:
WHEREAS on March 4, 2020, I proclaimed a State of Emergency to exist
in California as a result of the threat of COVID-19... Executive
Order N-33-20 State of California
Watched
hoards of LA people ram fully-loaded carts like bumper cars in a
fight to clean out a canned food aisle and thought, “I'm not
singing from a balcony with any of you. --elizabeth / Actually
staying home is not so back, but it seems very strange to me one bag
of rice has 8956 grains and another has 8743. --mark
A
good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark
clouds than any other one thing. --Laura Ingalls Wilder
..........Says
she's fine, she'll always cope........Tears for Fears …..Woman in
Chains
By
all means use sometimes to be alone. Salute thyself; see what thy
soul doth wear. --George Herbert
It
is a gray Friday morning. The sky itself is a pale gray sheet
without much variation of texture or color. A light breeze waves the
maturing willow branches gracefully at the squirrel inching its way
across the utility line in the backyard. Everything is greening up,
grass, bushes, trees, and flowers. The aromas of spring are also
everywhere, damp soil and wet cement being the most outstanding.
53°F is a fine temperature that allows the wind to make itself felt
without making it cold. It brings a smile to my face. What is
missing here is the sound of birdsong. The world is quiet; there is
not even the noises of cars revving up for the trip to work or the
store. So I put on my earphones and listen to Don Shirley play
Waterboy. Ah, my Moose Munch is sweetened and creamed, my butt
is firmly in my office chair, and I am so pleased to be writing to
you.
Greetings
from my home to yours, ePistliers
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The cats are on day 3,721
of their stay at home quarantine. They have some lessons for us
amateurs. Lessons like: Nap early, nap often. Seek out sunbeams.
Eat on a regular schedule. Keep yourself clean. And most
importantly, it's okay to run up and down the apartment screaming
when it all get to be too much. Just take a nap afterwards.
--Sumbitted by sd of ks
In
an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I am now yelling at my
parents for going out. --brigid / First time in history we can save
the human race by lying in front of the tv and doing nothing. Let's
not screw this up. --pj
This
pandemic sucks but watching republicans & capitalists begging for
socialism to save them is amazing. --Mary Molten -Submitted by rhb
of ks
..........Then
I know someday I'll find the key.........Bruce Springsteen
…..Trapped
Trivia
Questions: Harry Birthday to the Blood Transfusion
^
About how much blood can be donated at one time?
^^
What is the minimum amount a donor must weigh?
^^^
How many transfusion are performed annually in the US?
^^^^
How often can you donate blood?
^^^^^
Which agency regulates blood donation?
Big
Hello:
λχυ lυλ χ (A gutn tog) – Yiddish
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If
you can smell their fart, you're not far enough apart.
Price
Gouging of the Week:
Last Thursday when I first heard about Kinsa's smart thermometer, I
checked it out on Google and it was listed as $10 and some cents.
Now that everybody has heard about it and lots of people need it,
Amazon is selling it for $59.99 Kinsa has one that's only $22
–
but I don't think it's blue tooth friendly.
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
A librarian's emergency preparedness box includes 2 extra cardigans,
3 books they've always meant to read, and a corkscrew.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Funniest
Thing I Heard of the Week: Why are they
all porn stars, are there no porn character actors? --Carolyn Rhea
O,
nowwww everyone wants to know what introverts do for fun --aparna /
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.
They lied, everybody else had clothes on. --anon
September
morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by
his parents in 2020.
..........We've
had our doubts, we never took them seriously..........Huey Lewis &
the News …..Stuck with You
Moonbeam:
I did not think; I investigated. --Wilhelm Röntgen
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Detail of the Great Barrier
Reef
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ok,
how about this: No more billionaires. None. After you reach $999
million, every red cent goes to schools and healthcare. You get a
trophy that says, “I won capitalism” and we name a dog park after
you. --Mikel Jollett --Submitted by ra of ks
Week
of the Week: National Cleaning Week
(22-28) –I have a birthday coming up – I want a self-cleaning
house. / The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is
cleaning.
I
either showered this morning or last Wednesday, who's to say? We'll
never know. --emily / I coughed on my computer and McAfee stated a
scan on its own. --christine
So...Home
schooling going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and one
teacher fired for drinking on the job. --RHOZ
..........I'll
lay around this shack 'til the mail train comes back.........George
Jones …..Roll in My Sweet Baby's Arms
^
A donor can give up to 1 pint of blood.
Almanac:
It is Friday, March 27, 2020. The moon was new last Tuesday and is
in Taurus. It is Celebrate Exchange Day, Quirky
Country Music Song Titles Day, National Scribble Day, World Theatre
Day, and Viagra Day. In Burma it is Resistance Day.
Among
those born on this day were Antonio Squarcialupi (1416), Ismaeil
Spicer (1760), Franz von Baader (1765), Nathaniel Currier (1813),
Adolphus Greely (1844), Wilhelm Röntgen (1845), Otto Wallach
(1847), Peter Lutkin (1858), Henry Royce (1863), Heinrich Mann
(1871), Thorne Smith (1892), Gloria Swanson (1899), Mary Armour
(1902), Budd Schulberg (1914), Snooky Lanson (1914), Cyrus Vance
(1917), Sarah Vaughan (1924), David Janssen (Meyer, 1930), Judy Carne
(1939), Cale Yarborough (1940), Shaun Cassidy (1958), Quentin
Tarantino (1963), and Mariah Carey (1970).
On
March twenty-seventh the shoelace was invented (1790), the first
Mormon temple was dedicated (Ohio, 1836), the first US steam fire
engine was tested (1841), Charleston experienced black demonstrators
in ride-ins on street cars (1861), the urinal was patented (1866),
the first Japanese cherry trees were planted in DC (1912), the first
long distance call was made (Boston to NYC, 1884), the first
successful blood transfusion was performed (Brussels, 1914), Joe
Louis KOed Abe Simon in six (1942), Oklahoma State became the 7th
NCAA Men's Basketball Champions (v. NYU, 49-44, 1945), the Havana
Hilton opened (1958), Khrushchev became Soviet premier (1958), Anti
Vietnam demonstrations were held in the US, Europe, and Australia
(1966), Jerry Garcia was busted for LSD possession (1973), the DC
Metro opened (1976), and Mt St. Helens erupted (1980).
Night
Sky, 3/27: The
signature fall-and-winter constellation Cassiopeia retreats down
after dark. Look for it fairly low in the north-northwest. It's
standing roughly on end. But for skywatchers at mid-northern
latitudes Cassiopeia is circumpolar, never going away completely. By
midnight or 1 am. it's at its lowest due north, lying not quite
horizontal.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max celebrating National Cleaning Week one spoon at a time
This
Week: Saturday, March 28 –
Barnum & Baily Day & National Triglycerides Day & Weed
Appreciation Day
Sunday,
March 29 – Smoke and Mirrors Day & National Mom &
Pop Business Owner's Day
Night
Sky, 2/29: The
waxing crescent Moon shines some 8° left of Venus in twilight. As
night deepens, you'll find them forming a triangle with the
fingertip-sized Pleiades over them.
Monday,
March 30 – Doctors Day & Pencil Day & World Bi-polar
Day
Tuesday,
March 31 – Cesar Chavez Day & Equal Pay Day &
International Hug a Medievalist Day
Wednesday,
April 1 - All Fools Day & Mule Day & Bat Appreciation
Week
Night
Sky, 4/1:
Earth,
best
visible in the daytime, is centered below you. Its disk is a
remarkable 180° in apparent diameter, currently 18,000 times larger
than the apparent diameter of Jupiter, the planet currently in second
place in this regard. But local details usually complicate the limb,
and perspective effects limit how much of the planet is observable at
once. Surface detail can be seen without a telescope.
April
Fools Day is cancelled this year bccause no made up prank could match
the unbelievable shit going on in the world right now. --Submitted
by #RHOZ
Thursday,
April 2 - International Children's Books Day & National
Burrito Day & World Autism Day
Ask
not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but what staying
home on the couch can do for your country. --kashana / Day 6 of no
sports. Watching birds fight over worms. Cardinals lead Blue Jays
3-1. --anon
Coronavirus
is too radical. America needs a virus we can cure incrementally.
..........I
just got to get me somewhere.........LcMontagne …..New York City's
Killing Me
^^
A donor should weight at least 110 pounds before donating.
Coronavirus
Video of the Week:
Songs of the Plague Year by Joe Douglas
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?pli=1#inbox/FMfcgxwHMPppWgbKfqrKFhNpFkzmTNNw?projector=1
~~Toilet
tissue, toilet tissue, more valuable than paper money...
~~2
In case you are unfamiliar with Tom Lehrer's work here's two of his
songs The
Element Song
We
All Go Together When We Go
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: To parents entertaining
kids during social distancing and quarantine: IF YOU KEEP THEM ALIVE
THAT IS SUFFICIENT. Don't feel guilty if you're not enriching their
souls, teaching them kumihimo & sign language & engaging
their spirits. Toss them some fish sticks; they'll be fine.
--Submitted by ra of ks
Moonbeam:
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.
--Budd Schulberg
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: People all over
America have hunkered down in their own houses to ride out the
coronavirus. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is saying
this might go on for the next eight weeks. So get comfortable. And
try to look on the bright side – you’re finally going to get a
chance to binge-watch all that toilet paper you bought. --Stephen
Colbert / I heard that Emergen-C – you know, the drink powder? –
they’re telling people to not mix their product with booze to make
quarantinis. They were like, if you want a quarantini, that’s
Nyquil, Dayquil and a splash of Tide Pod. --Jimmy Fallon / The
government is now saying this could last 18 months or longer. Which,
I’m not sure how many rolls of toilet paper that is, but I know I
don’t have them. Eighteen months of quarantine means we’re about
to see a lot of our friends’ real hair color. --Jimmy Kimmel /
We’re now a week into mass social distancing, and every day we’re
learning something new. One, coronavirus is a serious disease. Two,
it’s not just dangerous for old people, and three, your
relationship was not as secure as you thought. --Trevor Noah
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Bernie won't
stop. Bernie, I know, man. It's just so hard to yell goodbye. So it's
all over but the shouting for Joe Biden - or, in his case, the weird,
rambling monologue that ends when he says, oh, I'm out of time. Biden
swept the three states that had primaries on Tuesday, including
Florida, where the Cubans hate Bernie Sanders because of his praise
of Castro, and the Jews hate Bernie Sanders because he reminds them
of their first husbands. --Peter Sagal Wait
Wait Don't Tell Me 3/21/20
Preantepenultimate
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week:
In light of new social distancing ordinances, banjo players shall be
posted on every street corner to discourage public gatherings.
--Submitted by pg of ks ~~Comment: They ran out of bagpipes
--Submitted by ma of va
A
table, a chair, a bowl of fruit, and a violin; what else does a man
need to be happy? --Albert Einstein
Me
and me dad are sharing the dining room table working from home today.
He's an aerospace engineer on a conference call ordering fuselage
prototypes and I'm drawing a duck. / On pace to be the first covid-19
related divorce --unfiltered
I
have NOWHERE NEAR enough chocolate for this. --Submitted by dr of oh
..........Staring
at the fire for hours and hours while I listen to you
play..........Graham Nash …..Our House
^^^
4.5 million Americans have blood transfusions each year.
Worthless
Fact of the Week:
Many
people ask"what
is the plastic end of a shoelace called"?
It's called the aglet.
The aglet, which is typically plastic, was invented in 1790 by Harvey
Kennedy. The aglet protects the end of the shoe lace from fraying and
makes the process of tying and threading the lace through the
eyelet
easier.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
IMPORTANT Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of
Bono from U2 doing a gig live from his home. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK.
It will take you to a live stream of Bono from U2 doing a live gig
from his home. --Submitted by ae of mo
Weird
Word of the Week:
Ninnyhammer – a person who is a fool or simpleton “You're nowt
but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee...” Volume Three The
Lord of the Rings
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-nin1.htm
Antepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the
Week: Instead of evacuating Pompeii
prior to this impending eruption, what if we give a lot of gold to
the largest olive producers? --Donald Trumperius, 79 AD --Submitted
by ksz of ks
Son
of Coronavirus Video of the Week:
Coronovirus Rhapsody Is
this a fever? Is this just allergies
--in the manner of Queen
https://kcrr.com/coronavirus-rhapsody-this-will-make-your-date-video/?trackback=fbshare_mobile&fbclid=IwAR2xcyO2HV0sowH6kddMMhT7k3yIeKmlLxVp_mZsDNDnMJOVbwGGGVLxNN0
--Submitted by msh of bc
Wacky
Uses for
Common Products:
Remove candle wax from wood or formica furniture. Rub a dollop of
Wish-Bone Thousand Island Dressing to remove candle wax from wood or
formica. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wishbone.html
I
feel like Nature has sent us all to our rooms for being assholes.
--derek --nm / Kinda feeling like the Earth just sent us all to our
rooms to think about what we've done. --gregor
If
you're freaked out and you know it wash your hands.
...........Be
careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
all.........Daughtry …..Home
^^^^
A donor may donate every two months.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I
don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks earlier
this month we'd go from Standard Time to The Twilight Zone.
--Submitted by pj of ks
Canceled
Science Fiction Convention of the Week:
The Dark Side of the Con: Vampires vs Freaks (27-29, Parsippany, NJ)
Postponed until September 18-20. http://darksideofthecon.com/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
From Neuroscience to Artificially Intelligent Systems (24-28,
Québec) Not yet listed as postponed or cancelled
https://conp.ca/events/from-neuroscience-to-artificially-intelligent-systems-naisys/
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck restlessly sheltering instead of working or
sleeping.
Never
thought uttering the phrase “I just got a case of toilet paper”
would make me someone's dream girl but here we are. --wendy / To
heck with this toilet paper shortage. I bought dryer sheets! My butt
smells like lavender! There's no more static electricity. And for the
first time in 20 years, my old ass is now wrinkle free!
If
the schools are closed much longer parents will find a vaccine before
the scientists –Submitted by ds of ks
My
house got tp'd last night, it's now appraised at $875,000. -
Submitted by ss of mo
..........Every
day's an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines.........Simon &
Garfunkle …..Homeward Bound
^^^^^
The Food and Drug Administration regulate blood donations.
Month
of the Week: March is Social Work Month
--Sorry, I can only handle ten crises at a time. Please take a
number and I'll get back to you when things are halfway sane. / How
many social workers does it take to change light bulb? One, but the
light bulb has to want to change.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: After
years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time,
this week I discovered that wasn't the reason. --Kenneth Wright
Today's
Peace of History, March
27, 1867: Newly freed negroes after
the American Civil War staged ride-ins on Charleston, South Carolina,
streetcars. The railway company integrated later the same year.
Similar efforts were made in Richmond, Virginia, and Mobile, Alabama.
What
are you wearing, Jake, from State Farm? Ummmmm, a hazmat suit. / I
see all you parents aren't excited about your kids first day of home
school. Not one damn first day picture.
Like
a Good Neighbor – Stay Over There
..........older
than the trees, younger than the mountains.........John Denver
…..Take Me Home, Country Roads
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle, Sequestered ePistle, March 27, 2020. Laughs, Love,
and Peace in the privacy of your own home. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence,
KS 66047
Moonbeam:
Like life itself my stories have no point and get
absolutely nowhere. --Thorne Smith
Cost
of War:
As
of 3/26/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,013,116,498,580.
As
of 3/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,011,109,752,605.
As
of 3/26/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $957,059,701,3459.
As
of 3/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $955,695,896,228.
As
of 3/26/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $752,817,832,468.
As
of 3/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $752,130,331,380.
As
of 3/26/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $326,731,311,289.
As
of 3/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $326,341,649,640.
As
of 3/26/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,049,725,922,728.
As
of 3/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,044,251,145,467.
All
of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a
room alone. --Blaise Pascal
Famous
Last Words: Amen, amen, amen. --God Bless You and Keep You
Peter Lutkin
..........there's
a better life for me and you.........The Animals …..I Gotta Get
Out of This Place
There
are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades
happen. --Vladimir Lenin
Noah
only took 2 of everything when he went on the Ark, try and remember
that when you go shopping. --RHOZ
/ Have we tried throwing a billionaire into a volcano to appease the
virus? --retta
May
Peace enclose you
And
Joy release you
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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