Friday, March 27, 2020

sEquestered ePistle


Famous First Words: WHEREAS on March 4, 2020, I proclaimed a State of Emergency to exist in California as a result of the threat of COVID-19... Executive Order N-33-20 State of California
Watched hoards of LA people ram fully-loaded carts like bumper cars in a fight to clean out a canned food aisle and thought, “I'm not singing from a balcony with any of you. --elizabeth / Actually staying home is not so back, but it seems very strange to me one bag of rice has 8956 grains and another has 8743. --mark
A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing. --Laura Ingalls Wilder
..........Says she's fine, she'll always cope........Tears for Fears …..Woman in Chains
By all means use sometimes to be alone. Salute thyself; see what thy soul doth wear. --George Herbert
It is a gray Friday morning. The sky itself is a pale gray sheet without much variation of texture or color. A light breeze waves the maturing willow branches gracefully at the squirrel inching its way across the utility line in the backyard. Everything is greening up, grass, bushes, trees, and flowers. The aromas of spring are also everywhere, damp soil and wet cement being the most outstanding. 53°F is a fine temperature that allows the wind to make itself felt without making it cold. It brings a smile to my face. What is missing here is the sound of birdsong. The world is quiet; there is not even the noises of cars revving up for the trip to work or the store. So I put on my earphones and listen to Don Shirley play Waterboy. Ah, my Moose Munch is sweetened and creamed, my butt is firmly in my office chair, and I am so pleased to be writing to you.
Greetings from my home to yours, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The cats are on day 3,721 of their stay at home quarantine. They have some lessons for us amateurs. Lessons like: Nap early, nap often. Seek out sunbeams. Eat on a regular schedule. Keep yourself clean. And most importantly, it's okay to run up and down the apartment screaming when it all get to be too much. Just take a nap afterwards. --Sumbitted by sd of ks
In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I am now yelling at my parents for going out. --brigid / First time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the tv and doing nothing. Let's not screw this up. --pj
This pandemic sucks but watching republicans & capitalists begging for socialism to save them is amazing. --Mary Molten -Submitted by rhb of ks
..........Then I know someday I'll find the key.........Bruce Springsteen …..Trapped
Trivia Questions: Harry Birthday to the Blood Transfusion
^ About how much blood can be donated at one time?
^^ What is the minimum amount a donor must weigh?
^^^ How many transfusion are performed annually in the US?
^^^^ How often can you donate blood?
^^^^^ Which agency regulates blood donation?
Big Hello: λχυ lυλ χ (A gutn tog) – Yiddish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you can smell their fart, you're not far enough apart.
Price Gouging of the Week: Last Thursday when I first heard about Kinsa's smart thermometer, I checked it out on Google and it was listed as $10 and some cents. Now that everybody has heard about it and lots of people need it, Amazon is selling it for $59.99 Kinsa has one that's only $22 – but I don't think it's blue tooth friendly.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: A librarian's emergency preparedness box includes 2 extra cardigans, 3 books they've always meant to read, and a corkscrew. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Why are they all porn stars, are there no porn character actors? --Carolyn Rhea
O, nowwww everyone wants to know what introverts do for fun --aparna / They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied, everybody else had clothes on. --anon
September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.
..........We've had our doubts, we never took them seriously..........Huey Lewis & the News …..Stuck with You
Moonbeam: I did not think; I investigated. --Wilhelm Röntgen
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Detail of the Great Barrier Reef

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ok, how about this: No more billionaires. None. After you reach $999 million, every red cent goes to schools and healthcare. You get a trophy that says, “I won capitalism” and we name a dog park after you. --Mikel Jollett --Submitted by ra of ks
Week of the Week: National Cleaning Week (22-28) –I have a birthday coming up – I want a self-cleaning house. / The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.
I either showered this morning or last Wednesday, who's to say? We'll never know. --emily / I coughed on my computer and McAfee stated a scan on its own. --christine
So...Home schooling going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job. --RHOZ
..........I'll lay around this shack 'til the mail train comes back.........George Jones …..Roll in My Sweet Baby's Arms
^ A donor can give up to 1 pint of blood.
Almanac: It is Friday, March 27, 2020. The moon was new last Tuesday and is in Taurus. It is Celebrate Exchange Day, Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day, National Scribble Day, World Theatre Day, and Viagra Day. In Burma it is Resistance Day.
Among those born on this day were Antonio Squarcialupi (1416), Ismaeil Spicer (1760), Franz von Baader (1765), Nathaniel Currier (1813), Adolphus Greely (1844), Wilhelm Röntgen (1845), Otto Wallach (1847), Peter Lutkin (1858), Henry Royce (1863), Heinrich Mann (1871), Thorne Smith (1892), Gloria Swanson (1899), Mary Armour (1902), Budd Schulberg (1914), Snooky Lanson (1914), Cyrus Vance (1917), Sarah Vaughan (1924), David Janssen (Meyer, 1930), Judy Carne (1939), Cale Yarborough (1940), Shaun Cassidy (1958), Quentin Tarantino (1963), and Mariah Carey (1970).
On March twenty-seventh the shoelace was invented (1790), the first Mormon temple was dedicated (Ohio, 1836), the first US steam fire engine was tested (1841), Charleston experienced black demonstrators in ride-ins on street cars (1861), the urinal was patented (1866), the first Japanese cherry trees were planted in DC (1912), the first long distance call was made (Boston to NYC, 1884), the first successful blood transfusion was performed (Brussels, 1914), Joe Louis KOed Abe Simon in six (1942), Oklahoma State became the 7th NCAA Men's Basketball Champions (v. NYU, 49-44, 1945), the Havana Hilton opened (1958), Khrushchev became Soviet premier (1958), Anti Vietnam demonstrations were held in the US, Europe, and Australia (1966), Jerry Garcia was busted for LSD possession (1973), the DC Metro opened (1976), and Mt St. Helens erupted (1980).
Night Sky, 3/27: The signature fall-and-winter constellation Cassiopeia retreats down after dark. Look for it fairly low in the north-northwest. It's standing roughly on end. But for skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes Cassiopeia is circumpolar, never going away completely. By midnight or 1 am. it's at its lowest due north, lying not quite horizontal. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max celebrating National Cleaning Week one spoon at a time

This Week: Saturday, March 28 – Barnum & Baily Day & National Triglycerides Day & Weed Appreciation Day
Sunday, March 29 – Smoke and Mirrors Day & National Mom & Pop Business Owner's Day
Night Sky, 2/29: The waxing crescent Moon shines some 8° left of Venus in twilight. As night deepens, you'll find them forming a triangle with the fingertip-sized Pleiades over them.
Monday, March 30 – Doctors Day & Pencil Day & World Bi-polar Day
Tuesday, March 31 – Cesar Chavez Day & Equal Pay Day & International Hug a Medievalist Day
Wednesday, April 1 - All Fools Day & Mule Day & Bat Appreciation Week
Night Sky, 4/1: Earth, best visible in the daytime, is centered below you. Its disk is a remarkable 180° in apparent diameter, currently 18,000 times larger than the apparent diameter of Jupiter, the planet currently in second place in this regard. But local details usually complicate the limb, and perspective effects limit how much of the planet is observable at once. Surface detail can be seen without a telescope.
April Fools Day is cancelled this year bccause no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on in the world right now. --Submitted by #RHOZ
Thursday, April 2 - International Children's Books Day & National Burrito Day & World Autism Day
Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but what staying home on the couch can do for your country. --kashana / Day 6 of no sports. Watching birds fight over worms. Cardinals lead Blue Jays 3-1. --anon
Coronavirus is too radical. America needs a virus we can cure incrementally.
..........I just got to get me somewhere.........LcMontagne …..New York City's Killing Me
^^ A donor should weight at least 110 pounds before donating.
Coronavirus Video of the Week: Songs of the Plague Year by Joe Douglas https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?pli=1#inbox/FMfcgxwHMPppWgbKfqrKFhNpFkzmTNNw?projector=1 ~~Toilet tissue, toilet tissue, more valuable than paper money... ~~2 In case you are unfamiliar with Tom Lehrer's work here's two of his songs The Element Song We All Go Together When We Go
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: To parents entertaining kids during social distancing and quarantine: IF YOU KEEP THEM ALIVE THAT IS SUFFICIENT. Don't feel guilty if you're not enriching their souls, teaching them kumihimo & sign language & engaging their spirits. Toss them some fish sticks; they'll be fine. --Submitted by ra of ks
Moonbeam: Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. --Budd Schulberg
Late Night Snacks of the Week: People all over America have hunkered down in their own houses to ride out the coronavirus. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is saying this might go on for the next eight weeks. So get comfortable. And try to look on the bright side – you’re finally going to get a chance to binge-watch all that toilet paper you bought. --Stephen Colbert / I heard that Emergen-C – you know, the drink powder? – they’re telling people to not mix their product with booze to make quarantinis. They were like, if you want a quarantini, that’s Nyquil, Dayquil and a splash of Tide Pod. --Jimmy Fallon / The government is now saying this could last 18 months or longer. Which, I’m not sure how many rolls of toilet paper that is, but I know I don’t have them. Eighteen months of quarantine means we’re about to see a lot of our friends’ real hair color. --Jimmy Kimmel / We’re now a week into mass social distancing, and every day we’re learning something new. One, coronavirus is a serious disease. Two, it’s not just dangerous for old people, and three, your relationship was not as secure as you thought. --Trevor Noah
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Bernie won't stop. Bernie, I know, man. It's just so hard to yell goodbye. So it's all over but the shouting for Joe Biden - or, in his case, the weird, rambling monologue that ends when he says, oh, I'm out of time. Biden swept the three states that had primaries on Tuesday, including Florida, where the Cubans hate Bernie Sanders because of his praise of Castro, and the Jews hate Bernie Sanders because he reminds them of their first husbands. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/21/20
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In light of new social distancing ordinances, banjo players shall be posted on every street corner to discourage public gatherings. --Submitted by pg of ks ~~Comment: They ran out of bagpipes --Submitted by ma of va
A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit, and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? --Albert Einstein
Me and me dad are sharing the dining room table working from home today. He's an aerospace engineer on a conference call ordering fuselage prototypes and I'm drawing a duck. / On pace to be the first covid-19 related divorce --unfiltered
I have NOWHERE NEAR enough chocolate for this. --Submitted by dr of oh
..........Staring at the fire for hours and hours while I listen to you play..........Graham Nash …..Our House
^^^ 4.5 million Americans have blood transfusions each year.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Many people ask"what is the plastic end of a shoelace called"? It's called the aglet. The aglet, which is typically plastic, was invented in 1790 by Harvey Kennedy. The aglet protects the end of the shoe lace from fraying and makes the process of tying and threading the lace through the eyelet easier.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: IMPORTANT Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Bono from U2 doing a gig live from his home. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK. It will take you to a live stream of Bono from U2 doing a live gig from his home. --Submitted by ae of mo
Weird Word of the Week: Ninnyhammer – a person who is a fool or simpleton “You're nowt but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee...” Volume Three The Lord of the Rings http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-nin1.htm
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Instead of evacuating Pompeii prior to this impending eruption, what if we give a lot of gold to the largest olive producers? --Donald Trumperius, 79 AD --Submitted by ksz of ks
Son of Coronavirus Video of the Week: Coronovirus Rhapsody Is this a fever? Is this just allergies --in the manner of Queen https://kcrr.com/coronavirus-rhapsody-this-will-make-your-date-video/?trackback=fbshare_mobile&fbclid=IwAR2xcyO2HV0sowH6kddMMhT7k3yIeKmlLxVp_mZsDNDnMJOVbwGGGVLxNN0 --Submitted by msh of bc
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove candle wax from wood or formica furniture. Rub a dollop of Wish-Bone Thousand Island Dressing to remove candle wax from wood or formica. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wishbone.html
I feel like Nature has sent us all to our rooms for being assholes. --derek --nm / Kinda feeling like the Earth just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done. --gregor
If you're freaked out and you know it wash your hands.
...........Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all.........Daughtry …..Home
^^^^ A donor may donate every two months.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks earlier this month we'd go from Standard Time to The Twilight Zone. --Submitted by pj of ks
Canceled Science Fiction Convention of the Week: The Dark Side of the Con: Vampires vs Freaks (27-29, Parsippany, NJ) Postponed until September 18-20. http://darksideofthecon.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: From Neuroscience to Artificially Intelligent Systems (24-28, Québec) Not yet listed as postponed or cancelled https://conp.ca/events/from-neuroscience-to-artificially-intelligent-systems-naisys/
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck restlessly sheltering instead of working or sleeping.

Never thought uttering the phrase “I just got a case of toilet paper” would make me someone's dream girl but here we are. --wendy / To heck with this toilet paper shortage. I bought dryer sheets! My butt smells like lavender! There's no more static electricity. And for the first time in 20 years, my old ass is now wrinkle free!
If the schools are closed much longer parents will find a vaccine before the scientists –Submitted by ds of ks
My house got tp'd last night, it's now appraised at $875,000. - Submitted by ss of mo
..........Every day's an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines.........Simon & Garfunkle …..Homeward Bound
^^^^^ The Food and Drug Administration regulate blood donations.
Month of the Week: March is Social Work Month --Sorry, I can only handle ten crises at a time. Please take a number and I'll get back to you when things are halfway sane. / How many social workers does it take to change light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn't the reason. --Kenneth Wright
Today's Peace of History, March 27, 1867: Newly freed negroes after the American Civil War staged ride-ins on Charleston, South Carolina, streetcars. The railway company integrated later the same year. Similar efforts were made in Richmond, Virginia, and Mobile, Alabama.
What are you wearing, Jake, from State Farm? Ummmmm, a hazmat suit. / I see all you parents aren't excited about your kids first day of home school. Not one damn first day picture.
Like a Good Neighbor – Stay Over There
..........older than the trees, younger than the mountains.........John Denver …..Take Me Home, Country Roads
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, Sequestered ePistle, March 27, 2020. Laughs, Love, and Peace in the privacy of your own home. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ . Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: Like life itself my stories have no point and get absolutely nowhere. --Thorne Smith
Cost of War:
As of 3/26/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,013,116,498,580.
As of 3/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,011,109,752,605.
As of 3/26/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $957,059,701,3459.
As of 3/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $955,695,896,228.
As of 3/26/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $752,817,832,468.
As of 3/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $752,130,331,380.
As of 3/26/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $326,731,311,289.
As of 3/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $326,341,649,640.
As of 3/26/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,049,725,922,728.
As of 3/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,044,251,145,467.
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. --Blaise Pascal
Famous Last Words: Amen, amen, amen. --God Bless You and Keep You Peter Lutkin
..........there's a better life for me and you.........The Animals …..I Gotta Get Out of This Place
There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen. --Vladimir Lenin
Noah only took 2 of everything when he went on the Ark, try and remember that when you go shopping. --RHOZ / Have we tried throwing a billionaire into a volcano to appease the virus? --retta
May Peace enclose you
And Joy release you
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh:


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Friday, March 20, 2020

Blissful ePistle


Famous First Words: Afternoon, Mr. Renkin --George Bernard Shaw Captain Brassbound's Conversion
What a year this week has been !
The United Nations has declared this International Day of Happiness. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything. / The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
..........Heaven, I'm in heaven..........Fred Astaire …..Cheek to Cheek
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. --Fred McFeely Rogers
It is a breezy Friday morning. The wind is 21 mph from the north and is doing a wild dance with the willow tree outside my back door. The temperature is 31°F so we are back to freezing. Puck and I do not try to walk in through the wall of wind. Instead, I stand at the window and feel a longing for warmth and sunshine. A thick, featureless layer to cloud hides the sky and the new born sunlight. New greens on trees and lawns wave about frantically showing off their spring clothes. Now and then a rabbit wanders through the backyard stopping to nibble or sniff. The wind makes sounds of tree limbs cracking their joints. It almost whistles through the nearly dead pine and makes the power lines hum. Puck goes out to do business but returns without a single bark at anything out there. I wait for the house to fill with the smell of brewing Moose Munch...wait for the sweet,,,rich taste of it on my tongue...wait for the computer to boot up...I am waiting perpetually and forever a renaissance of wonder.
Hope your weekend is filled with Happy, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS. --Submitted by dr of oh
First Coronavirus Joke of the Week: If you're feeling sick you have a responsibility to avoid crowded places and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. --Submitted by mn of ks
Happiness comes from within. That's why it feels good to fart. / My husband and I lived happily for twenty years...then we met.
..........Blue Italian skies above.........Roy Noble …..Isle of Capri
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Collegiate Basketball.
^ Whose hand typed and penned the original Basket Ball rules that sold for $4.3 million in 2010?
^^ How was dribbling handled in the original rules?
^^^ Any idea who was the winning-est coach ever at University of Kansas?
^^^^ How about the losing-est coach ever at University of Kansas?
^^^^^ Know who it was that coughed up 4.3 million for the rules?
Big Hello: Mogethin – Yapese (Micronesia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Crazy times we are living in. I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough. --Jack Eline
Second Coronavirus Joke of the Week: For the first time ever in my life, I got the NCAA brackets perfect. - men's and women
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Ranganathan's 97th Law: Make up fake patrons and have them check out books you want to save from weeding algorithms https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Second Second Coronavirus Joke of the Week: Those of you working from home with dogs and/or children, refer to them as you co-workers and tell me why they need to be reported to HR. --Submitted by ksz of ks
Frogs are happy because they eat whatever bugs them. / Be happy; it drives people crazy.
..........Like an old song we have sung.........Glen Gray …..When I Grow Too Old to Dream
Moonbeam: The majority is always wrong; the minority is rarely right. --Henrik Ibsen
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Particles SARS-CoV-2 emerging from an infected cell

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Having kids is like living in the land of Oz. One moment you're skipping down the yellow brick road singing songs with adorable munchkins and the next you're attacked by vicious flying monkeys and getting smothered by a house. --RHOZ
Next Coronavirus Joke of the Week: I never thought I'd see the day when Weed was easier to get than hand sanitizer.
Week of the Week: American Crossword Puzzle Days (20-22) –Now and then I work crossword puzzles. The harder they are the more cross words I use. --J Wagner
Dobbin always seemed so happy because he lived in a Stable Environment. / I just want to spend the rest of my life laughing.
..........Make straight for the shore..........Guy Lombardo …..Red Sails in the Sunset
^ Dr James Naismith typed the original 13 rules on two pages and added handwritten notes.
Quote of the Week: People are dying that have never died before. --Donald Trump 3/17/20
Almanac: It is Friday, March 20, 2020. The moon will new new on Tuesday and is in Aquarius. It is International Day of Happiness (UN), Alien Abduction Day, Atheist Pride Day, Bed-In for Peace Day, Great American Meat Out Day, International Astrology Day, French Language Day, Kiss Your Fiancee Day, National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Ostara aka Spring or Vernal Equinox, Proposal Day, Snowman Burning Day, World Storytelling Day, Won't You Be My Neighbor Day, and World Day of Theatre for Children and Young People.
Among those born on this day were Balthasar Bekker (1634), Napoleon Bonaparte II (1811), Henrik Ibsen (1828), Edgar Buchanan (1902), B F Skinner (1904), Ozzie Nelson (1906), Michael Redgrave (1908), Ray Goulding (1922), John Erlichman (1925), Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers (1928), Hal Linden (Harold Lipshitz, 1931), Jerry Reed (1937), Bobby Orr (1948), Pamela Sargent (1948), William Hurt (1950), Jimmie Vaughan (1951), Spike Lee (1957), and Holly Hunter (1958).
On March twentith the United Dutch East Indian Company was formed (1602), Walter Raleigh was released from the Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana (1616), Boston had a great fire (1760), the US Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state court decisions (1816), Uncle Tom's Cabin was published (1852), Michigan authorized workers' cooperatives (1865), the first recorded intercollegiate basektball game was played, Yale beat UPA 32 to 10 (1897), Captain Brassbound's Conversion premiered (1906), Babe Didrickson pitched a hitless inning for the Philadelphia A's in an exhibition game (1934), Your Hit Parade debuted on radio (1935), Gentleman's Agreement won best picture (1948), American in Paris won best picture (1952), Tunisia gained independence (1956), the 156-Day strike against Westinghouse Electric Corp. ended (1956), the first Pop Art exhibit opened (LA, 1963), UCLA became the 27th NCAA Men's Basketball Champions (1965), gold backing was removed from US paper currency (1968), John Lennon married Yoko Ono (1969), Patty Hearst was convicted of armed robbery (1976), and the Lakers retired Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's number - 33 (1990).
Night Sky, 3/20: Look for Arcturus, the Spring Star, very low in the east-northeast after nightfall and higher in the east later in the evening. By modern measurements Arcturus is visual magnitude –0.05, making it the fourth-brightest nighttime star. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Longshoreman Max eating an apple

This Week: Saturday, March 21 – International Colour Day & Memory Day & Save the Panther Day
Sunday, March 22 – International Day of the Seal & National Goof-Off Day & Talk Like William Shanter Day
Night Sky, 3/22: Mercury is having a poor apparition low in the glow of dawn. Look for it very low above the east-southeast horizon about 30 minutes before sunrise, far lower left of Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars. Binoculars help.
Monday, March 23 – World Meteorological Day & National Puppy Day & OK Day
Tuesday, March 24 – National Agriculture Day
Wednesday, March 25 – Little Red Wagon Day & Tolkien Reading Day & Manatee Appreciation Day
Night Sky, 3/25: Venus (magnitude –4.4, in Aries) is the big, bright "Evening Star" shining high in the west during and after twilight.
Thursday, March 26 – Legal Assistants Day & Live Long And Prosper Day & Spinach Day
You can't find happiness at the bottom of a beer stein. Of course, who is happy when their beer runs out? / The three kings that brought happiness and peace to earth ..DrinKing, SmoKing, and FucKing
..........Is quite my most impossible scheme come true.........Eddy Duchin …..Lovely to Look at
^^ Dribbling is not mentioned in the original rules.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I say we close down the national media for 30 days and watch 80% of the world's problems go away. --Steve Masonheimer -_Submitted by eg of mt
Moonbeam: The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --B F Skinner
Late Night Snacks of the Week: This is actually a good math lesson for all those kids now being home-schooled. Question: if the coronavirus taskforce has 21 members, but groups aren’t allowed to contain more than 10 people, how many more months are we going to have to be eating Chef Boyardee. --Stepehn Colbert / “Remember to order – it supports people to work at the restaurants, it supports the people who deliver the food. Tip them well, please. They’re bringing you your food. They’re basically the lifeblood of the city. --Trevor Noah / All other late night cowards are at home sheltering
'Nother Coronavirus Joke of the Week: Bigfoot: Social Distancing World Champion --RHOZ
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Also, by the way, usually in times like this, where - when we are told to stay in our homes with nobody to talk to but our family, it results in a baby boom. But this is 2020. It's going to mean that come summer, everybody is going to be announcing a new podcast. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/14/20
'Nother Coronavirus Joke of the Week: We are about 3 weeks away from knowing everyone's true hair color.
Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like “struggle.” To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. --Fred McFeely Rogers
She was one fry short of a Happy Meal / Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
..........I can tell by her manana.........Victor Young …..She's a Latin from Manhattan
^^^ Bill Self leads the pack with .821. Roy is next at .805. Phog Allen came in 4th at .729 behind Brown 754.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The Great Boston Fire destroyed 776 buildings across 65 acres with an assessed value of about $13.5 million. In addition the personal property loss was about $60 million.
Wicked Coronavirus Joke of the Week: Consider the cast of Gillian's Island … Proof that you can survive without toilet paper.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese. That's the wurst käse scenario. --Submitted by rk of ks
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Been homeschooling a 6-year old and 8-year old for one hour and 11 minutes. Teachers deserve to make a billion dollars a year. Or a week. --Shonda Rhimes
Preantepenultimate Coronavirus Joke of the Week: EVERYTHING is canceled You want to know what's not canceled? Laundry. Laundry is NEVER canceled. --Mark Hyde
Weird Word of the Week: Moletronics – abbreviation for molecular electronics – the idea that individual elements of computer circuits could be formed using single molecules of substances. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-mol1.htm
Antepenultimate Coronavirus Joke of the Week: What if they close the grocery stores? We'll have to hunt for our food. I don't even know where doritos live. --Submitted by ll of ks
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Lubricate pipe joints. Wish-Bone Thousand Island Dressing works as a lubricant for fitting pipe joints together http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wishbone.html
Wacky Coronavirus Uses for Common Products: A 91 percent alcohol would work as well. (You can probably ignore the occasional suggestion to use vodka instead of isopropyl alcohol since many vodkas are only 40 percent alcohol. https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/2/21161346/hand-sanitizer-diy-how-to-hand-wash-cdc-alcohol-virus-illness
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: March did NOT come in like a Lion. It came in like a T-Rex with PMS...And hemorrhoids...Wearing Barbed Wire Undies. --RHOZ
The secret to happiness in a bad memory. / At Comic Con, all I kept thinking how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.
...........Bright as the stars we're under.........Little Jack Little …..I'm in the Mood for Love
^^^^ Naismith joined the KU faculty in 1898, coached the Jayhawk's first basketball team and later became the director of physical education. He is the only Kansas coach to have a losing record with 55 wins and 60 loses .(478).
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Marlins to play rest of season without fans in attendance; nothing to do with coronavirus.
Chiefs Joke of the Week: San Francisco hasn't been shut down like this since the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl.
Penultimate Coronavirus Joke of the Week: Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home and will send us instructions on what to do. --Kenneth Wright
CANCELED Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Outlantacon 2020 (19-22, Atlanta, GA) ...OutlantaCon 2020 will still be happening... https://www.outlantacon.org/
CANCELED Actual Science Convention of the Week: The 64th Annual Conference of the Comparative and Iinternational Eeducation Society (22-26, Miami, FL) Theme: Education Beyond the Human. I really like the theme and my granddaughter, Aleena, Max's mom, was to deliver a paper on her original research. Perhaps next year.
There is nothing like the happiness on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas. / Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really happy.
..........I feel so absolutely stumped on the floor.........Eddy Duchin …..I Won't Dance
^^^^^ Lawrence High and Kansas University graduate David Booth felt so strongly that the two pages on which James Naismith wrote the original 13 rules of basketball should find a home on the KU campus he paid $4.3 million in an auction Friday to guarantee that. http://www2.kusports.com/news/2010/dec/10/original-naismith-basketball-rules-set-go-auction-/
Month of the Week: March is National Frozen Food Month: I went turkey hunting recently with my new shotgun...scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen foods section. / I don't really know how to cook, so I just end up eating frozen food. I usually get some turkey and store it in the freezer for the next day. However, one day I heard about the dangers of eating frozen food and how it badly affects my health, it was at this moment that I realized that I had to quit cold turkey.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Actually, it's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France; otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation. --Brian Smith --Submitted by ar of ks
Final Coronavirus Joke of the Week: Eventually, everyone will be quarantined to their houses with no sports to watch...and in 9 months from now a boom of babies will be born...and we will call them coronials.
Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, March 20, 1852: Harriet Beecher Stowe's influential novel about slavery, Uncle Tom's Cabin, or Life Among the Lowly, was first published in book form by J.P. Jewett of Boston. The text had previously been serialized in the anti-slavery newspaper, the National Era.
You can be sad when a bird craps on your head, instead, be happy that dogs can't fly. / I just drank a monster energy drink. I'm still depressed but like, excitedly.
..........Two sleepy people by dawn's early light.........Fats Waller …..Truckin'
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 20 2020, Blissful ePistle. Peace, Laughs, & Happiness Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: I love wearing wigs because they're instantly transformational. --Holly Hunter
Cost of War:
As of 3/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,011,109,752,605.
As of 3/12/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,009,120,467,760.
As of 3/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $955,695,896,228.
As of 3/12/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $954,344,063,697.
As of 3/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $752,130,331,380.
As of 3/12/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $749,404,121,769.
As of 3/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $326,341,649,640.
As of 3/12/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $325,955,465,563.
As of 3/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,044,251,145,467.
As of 3/12/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,038,824,813,661.
The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile.. --Fred McFeely Rogers
Famous Last Words: ...the wrath of Almighty God. --Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom's Cabin
..........When the Gypsy came to read the tea leaves..........Bob Crosby …..In a Little Gypsy Tearoom ~~Today's songs are the top 10 of 1935 on Your Hit Parade (radio)
It takes ten-tickles to make an octopus happy. / Football referees are so happy they whistle while they work.
May Peace go before you
And Joy follow in your wake
prairie mama
christine


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