Famous
First Words: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to
see is true... Dragnet
Some
Day We'll Laugh About This Week (2-8). Here's some jokes to diffuse
those embarrassing moments so we can laugh about them now: Forgot
someone's name or called them the wrong name: I'm so sorry. I
mentioned my memory loss to my doctor, all he did was make me pay
upfront. / I'm so sorry. I signed up for a memory course at
the senior center, but I forgot when it meets.
..........is
this the end or just begin..........Led Zeppelin (with John Paul
Jones) …..All My Love
“Our
struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an
assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly
promoted as a male schlemiel. --Bella Abzug
It
is a bright Friday morning. The sky is a pale blue without clouds or
jet trails to conceal it. While the cool (31°F) temperature wakes
the body and mind to a new day. Some unseen bird is chirping a
matins hymn to the beauty of earth from the bare trees standing still
in the windless air. Puck barks loudly at this and that...where a
squirrel might have crossed, at that bush on the corner of the
sidewalk. There is no sound except the lone birdsong; the cars have
already left for work and the children are still home on vacation.
The grass in nearly white with frost and crunches even as tiny Puck
runs across it. So we return home to the warm smell of brewing
coffee and the warm warmth of home. Puck curls up immediately for an
early morning nap and I fix myself a wonderful cup of Moose Munch
decaf so I can sit down to write to you. What a great year so far.
Hope
your weekend produces a decade of laughs, ePistliers.
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-shirt: We Came We Saw
We Jingled
Can't
get a conversation started: I recently moved into a bungalow. I
wanted to move into a house, but that's another whole story. /
I've started going up to people's door and telling them about my
new gym...it's called Jehovah's Fitness.
..........Where
are the answers to the problems we face..........Stephen Stills
…..So Many Times
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday to the Waxed Drinking Straw
^
What was the standard of straws before the waxed paper straw?
^^
So, who invented the waxed straw anyway?
^^^
Any idea when or how that bendy piece became part of the straw?
^^^^
About when did plastic straws appear?
^^^^^
Just how bad are plastic straws for the environment?
Big
Hello:
I nhlikanhi – Venda (South Africa and Zimbabwe)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Not
all those who wander are lost. --J R R Tolkien
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be
kind to atheists. They are the ones that will be taking care of your
pets after you're “raptured”. Submitted by ksz of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
The 12 Days of Christmas is every librarian's favorite as it's the
only carol to completely catalog someone's gifts.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Upon
discovering you are the oldest person at a Trekker Convention: How
many ears does Spock have? Three: the left ear, the right ear, and
the final front-ear. / Did you know that Romulan frogs use a
croaking device for camouflage?
..........Well,
they call me the hunter, that's my name..........Led Zeppelin (with
John Paul Jones) …..How Many More Times
Moonbeam:
We too often bind ourselves by authorities rather than by the truth.
--Lucretia Mott
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Mistletoe
All
we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
--J R R Tolkien
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
It has not escaped my attention that about this time last year I
invited 2019 to “come at me” - and it did. Dear 2020, Hey I
don't want any trouble. --RHOZ
Week
of the Week: New Year's Resolutions Week
(1-7) –My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten
pounds so I look skinnier. / My resolution was to read more so I put
the subtitles on the tv.
To
your tax auditor: No, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You
keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we'll call it
even. --Jimmy Kimmel / The tax advisor had just
read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the
first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially
the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she
piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach,
would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
..........But
I will still be here..........Stephen Stills & Judy Collins
…..Who Know Where The Time Goes
^
Imagine drinking a mint julep with a stalk of rye grass straw.
Unfortunately, it would leave a gritty residue in the drink as it
broke down. Paraffin-coated
manila paper improved durability without debris.
Almanac:
It is Friday, January 3, 2010. The moon was first quarter yesterday
and is in Aries. It is Drinking Straw Day, J.R.R.
Tolkien Day, Memento Mori aka Remember You Die Day, and National
Chocolate Covered Cherry Day.
Among
those who were born on this day were Cicero (106 BCE), Lcuretia
Coffin Mott (1793), Father Damien (1840), John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
(1892), ZaSu Pitts (Parsons, KS, 1898), Ngo Dinh Diem (1901), Ray
Milland (1905), John Sturges (1911), Betty Furness (1916), George
Martin (1926), Stephen Stills (1945), John Paul Jones (1946), and Mel
Gibson (1956).
On
January third Martin Luther was excommunicated (1521), the Truce of
Andrusovo was signed (1667), British siezed the Falkland Islands
(1833), Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco (1847), the first deep
sea sounding was taken (1840), construction began on the Brooklyn
Bridge (1870), the waxed drinking straw was patented (1888),
Washington requested statehood (1889), Turkey made peace with Armenia
(1921), Tutankhamun's sarcophagus was discovered (1924), the March of
Dimes was established to fight polio (1938), Dragnet
premiered (1952), Alaska was admitted as the 49th state (1959), a
reactor in Idaho exploded killing 3 (1961), Castro was excommunicated
(1962), Carl Wilson (Beach Boy) was indicted for draft evasion
(1967), Apple Computers
incorporated (1977), Bush & Yeltsin agreed to reduce the number
of nuclear warhead by nearly half (1993), and Brazil canceled 12 new
fighter planes to spend the money on the poor (2003).
Night
Sky, 1/3: The
Quadrantids Meteor Shower peaks tonight. As many as 25/hour, meteors
usually lack persistent trains but often produced bright fireballs.
Sorry, best viewing time is around 3 am.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max with a cousin, and best friend, to be named later.
This
Week: Saturday, January 4-
National Play Outside Day & Trivia Day & World Braille Day
Night
Sky, 1/4 :
Above the moon after dark 2 or 3 of the
brightest stars of Aries. Earth is a perihelion at 2:48 am (EST)
Sunday,
January 5 – Bird Day & National Keto Day & Monopoly
Game Day & Whipped Cream Day &
12th
Night
Monday,
January 6 – Blue Monday & National Technology Day &
Plough Monday
Tuesday,
January 7 – Asarah B'Tevet & Old Rock Day & Orthodox
Christmas Day
Wednesday,
January 8 – Bubble Bath Day & Midwife's Day aka Women's
Day & War on Poverty Day
Night
Sky, 1/8 : Look for the waxing
gibbous moon just one degree from the 3rd magnitude star
zeta Tauri in the horns of the constellation Taurus the bull.
Thursday,
January 9 – Law Enforcement Appreciation Day & National
Static Electricity Day
Mark
Your Calendar or not: January 10th – Lunar
Eclipse, 7:11 (GMT) in 20° in Cancer Visible
from Africa, Europe, Asia, Alaska, and Australia.
When
you haven't understood one word of the IT person's explanation:
Why do they call it hypertext? From too much JAVA? / There
are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and
those who don't.
..........The
winds of Thor are blowing cold..........Led Zeppelin (with John Paul
Jones) …..No Quarter
^^
Marvin Stone of Washington, D.C made his own drinking
device by wrapping strips of paper around a pencil. After removing
the writing implement, he glued the paper strips together. And thus
was born the modern drinking straw.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The idea is to die young as
late as possible.
Moonbeam:
It is not Christianity, but priestcraft that has subjected woman as
we find her. --Lucretia Mott
It's
the job that's never started as takes longest to finish. --J R R
Tolkien
Old
But Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I
don't know if you heard about this, but the actor Adam Driver
reportedly walked out on an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air
when Terry played a bit of audio from his movie. He says he can't
stand that. Look, you do not pull on Superman's cape. You don't spit
into the wind. And you don't walk out on Terry Gross. The last person
to try that was Angela McGillicuddy. Oh, you've never heard of her.
Wonder why? --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait,
Don't Tell Me
12/21/19
“Women
have been trained to speak softly and carry a lipstick. Those days
are over." --Bella Abzug
Dinner
with your new squeeze's parents: I can't eat without a couple of
slices of wheat bread on the side. I'm lack-toast intolerant. / Now,
what experimental drug were you on when you was carrying her?
..........Seems
to me that enemies are fantasies..........Stephen
Stills …..Isn't It About Time
^^^
Joseph B. Friedman, inspired by watching his young
daughter struggle to drink a tall milkshake through a straight
drinking straw, inserted a screw into a straight straw, wrapped
dental floss around the ridges, and removed the screw. This straw of
the future, the flexible or "bendy"straw, was patented in
1937.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The Truce of Andrusovo
(sometimes known as Treaty of Andrusovo) established a
thirteen-and-a-half year truce, signed in 1667 between Tsardom of
Russia and the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth, which had fought the
Russo-Polish War since 1654 over the territories of modern-day
Ukraine and Belarus. ~~This is how long Russia has been trying to
take over Ukraine.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This
morning my son said his ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside,
so he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both. Moments
like this got me wondering if I'm saving too much for college
Do
not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick
to anger. --J R R Tolkien
Weird
Word of the Week:
Wayzgoose – A feast given by the master printer for his journeymen
(usually around St. Bartholomew's Day – August 24)
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-way1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Remove cobwebs from unreachable places. Wrap a Wilson Tennis Ball
inside a dust cloth secured with a few rubber bands, then toss at the
distant cobweb. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wilson.html
Conversation
with the parents of the class clown: No smartphone for my kids.
They need to suffer years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with
strangers like I did. --Sarah Thyre / What do you call a
tiger in a clown hat? A tiger clown.
...........I
gotta roll, I can't stand still..........Led
Zeppelin (with John Paul Jones) …..Black Dog
^^^^
“The paper straw had a slow death throughout the
1960s and into the 1970s,” says David Rhodes, manager of Aardvark
Paper Drinking Straws, a paper-straw manufacturer that traces its
roots to Stone’s original product. “By the mid-seventies, [they]
were all gone.”
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some
say life is short. I say; life is tall, grab a straw. --Sark
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
Wizard World New Orleans (3-5) featuring Sam Heughan from Outlander
https://wizardworld.com/comiccon/new-orleans
Still
around the corner there may wait, a new road or a secret gate. --J R
R Tolkien
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
International Conference on Biotechnology and Bio-engineering (ICBB)
[ 2-3, NYC] interdisciplinary forum for researchers, practitioners
and educators. https://10times.com/icbb-newyork
Spills
at a dinner party: I spilled some vodka on my carpet once, and I
vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover
to detox. --Mitch Hedberg / Today I will be classy and
elegant or I will spill food on my shirt and trip over things.
..........Brother
can you spare a dime..........Stephen Stills
…..Buyin' Time
^^^^^
Five hundred million straws are used each day by
people in the US alone. Plastic straws are one of the most widely
used, and therefore disposed of, plastic products. Many types of
straws cannot be reused or recycled due to the chemicals they are
made from. Most plastic straws are also not biodegradable and cannot
be broken down naturally by bacteria and other decomposers into
non-toxic materials. Straws are particularly prone to ending up in
our waterways, and ultimately the oceans, due to beach littering,
wind that transports the lightweight objects from trash cans and
trash collection facilities, and barges, boats, and aquatic transport
vehicles. Most plastic straws simply break into ever-smaller
particles, releasing chemicals into the soil, air, and water that are
harmful to animals, plants, people, and the environment.
Timely
Tip of the Week:
If
you or a loved one is required to use a straw for medical purposes,
or if you just prefer to consume your beverages with straws, there
are many non-plastic straw options available. Simply replacing cheap
and disposable plastic straws with reusable stainless steel, glass,
or biodegradable paper alternatives is an easy way to cut down on
plastic pollution. Check out the gift store at your local
AZA-accredited zoo or aquarium and you might just find one in stock!
https://www.aza.org/from-the-desk-of-dan-ashe/posts/how-do-straws-hurt-the-environment
Month
of the Week: January is Book Blitz Month
--Had one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it. / I'm
sorry,but I can't come back to work yet. I still have too many books
on my Have To Read list.
I
don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less
than half of you half as well as you deserve. --J R R Tolkien
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I
can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better
person.
Today's
Peace of History, January
3, 1967: Carl
Wilson of the the Beach Boys was indicted for draft evasion. Claiming
conscientious objector status, he eventually won his battle against
the charges.
Job
Interviews: I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be
unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. / Might as well
hire the chicken, she'll accept a poultry salary.
........to
the very depths of my soul..........Led
Zeppelin (with John Paul Jones) …..In The Light
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle January 3, 2020, Abashed ePistle . Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Laughs, Peace, and Embarrassing Moments. Exclusive editor: Christine
Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
So
comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings--J R R
Tolkien
Moonbeam:
Let our lives be in accordance with our convictions of rights, each
striving to carry out our principles. --Lucretia Mott
Cost
of War:
As
of 1/2/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,989,396,749,197.
As
of 12/26/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,987,402,910,376.
As
of 1/2/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $940,939,607,351.
As
of 12/26/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $939,584,580,517.
As
of 1/2/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $732,552,726,187.
As
of 12/26/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $730,849,015,295.
As
of 1/2/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $322,125,636,836.
As
of 12/26/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $321,738,873,169.
As
of 1/2/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,985,015,515,542.
As
of 12/26/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,979,575,687,161.
We
are coming down from our pedestal and up from the laundry room. We
want an equal share in government and we mean to get it. --Bella
Abzug
Famous
Last Words: I been there before. --Huck Finn Adventures
of Huckleberry Finn
..........Got
myself together, went to New Orleans..........Stephen
Stills …..Old Times, Good Times
When
your barber says there isn't enough hair left to cut: I know, but
I still keep my comb, I just can't part with it. / I saw a man
yesterday who was so bald I could see what he was thinking.
May
Peace bless your travels
And
Joy fill your home
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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