Famous
First Words: As far as my eyes can see... Alan Parsons Old
and Wise
Happy
Hanukkah (22-30) – Miriam goes to the post office
to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards. She says to the cashier,
"Please may I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?" The cashier asks,
"What denomination?" Miriam says, "Oy vey, has it come
to this? Okay, give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
..........I
got to witness sometimes it's hard to be a Jew at
Christmas..........M C Flow .....Pot
In The Latkes
A
human society obeys the dictates of reason and is guided and governed
by a respect for justice. --Ferdinand-Èdouard
Buisson France
It
is very dark outside as Puck and I transport Jeff to his early
morning job on campus. The ½ moon sheds very little light and the
stars are simple dots against a black firmament. And yet the world
seems lit up with Christmas lights on houses and businesses. Stop
lights flash green and red and amber. Car lights shine white and
red. A dark world artificially lighted. The little wind does not
enforce the cold (38°F) and the darkness hides whether it moves tree
limbs or hanging decorations. There is not much traffic and Puck and
I return home quickly and enter a warm house filled with the smell of
brewing coffee and the chaotic patterns of Christmas wrapping and
recently opened boxes. I fix myself a cup of creamy artificially
sweetened decaf and program some Christmas music into my computer.
It is still dark outside, but you are in my heart and mind, bright
and warm.
Hope
your weekend is a holiday unto itself, ePistliers, the best to you
during this holiday season.
My
mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we
visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of
the expected smile, she said, "Aaron, what's the matter? You
didn't like the other one?" / Which hand is it better to
light the menorah with? Neither, it's best to light it with a candle.
..........Put
on your yarmulke here comes Hanukkah.........Adam Sandler …..The
Chanukah Song
Trivia
Questions: International Human Solidarity Day
is, among other things, a day to celebrate our unity in diversity.
^
How many living languages are being spoken on earth today – more or
less?
^^
How many living religions exist on the planet today – more or less?
^^^
Care to guess how many ethnic aka people groups there are?
^^^^
Is the earth really half male, half female?
^^^^^
How old are we as a population?
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week: Look –
impeachment is a process. It might take 10 or 15 flushes to get rid
of him. --Submitted by sd of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
The 12% of librarians who will wear a Santa suit this week finally
understand the jokes about “other duties as assigned”.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
During
the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a
wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York
City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese
waiter, who'd only been in New York for a year, came up and in fluent
Yiddish with a perfect accent asked them if everything was okay and
if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded.
"Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" they asked
each other. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant
manager, an old friend of theirs, "Where did your waiter learn
to speak such fantastic Yiddish?" The manager looked around and
leaned in so no one else could hear and said, "Shhhh.... He
thinks we're teaching him English."
..........I
am a latke and I am waiting for Chanukah to come..........Debbie
Friedman …..The
Latke Song
Moonbeam:
I believe fundamental honesty is the keystone of business. --Harvey
Firestone
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Elder Tree Flower
Different
Kind of Worthless Fact of the Week: The
Elder Moon (November 24-December 23) is the 13th
Month in the Celtic Tree Calendar. (13 months of 28 days each and 1
day in between … a year and a day) Called Ruish (roo-esh) by the
Celts it is a month of beginnings and endings, relaxation and
renewal. Faerie friends may be close by,
Big
Hello: Ässalamu
äläykum – Uyghur (China)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Newborn T-Shirt: Glad to be out. I
was running out of womb.
Week
of the Week: Saturnalia (17-21) --One
of the oldest Roman jokes, which is based on a fictitious story and
survived alive to this time, is told by Macrobius in his Saturnalia:
(4th century AD, but the joke itself is probably several centuries
older): Some provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the
streets was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the
emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace,
looks at him and then asks: -Tell me, young man, did your mother come
to Rome anytime? The reply was: -She never did. But my father
frequently was here.
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
Clinton: Gets impeached by Republicans over a blow job Trump: Gets
blow job from Republicans during impeachment. --Submitted by
Necessary
Dissent
Christmas
(25) – A Russian couple was walking down the street
in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his
nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No,
that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure
it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were
about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or
snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking
toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said,
"let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or
snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell
us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But
the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which
the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
..........voices
singing let's be jolly.........Brenda Lee …..Rocking
Around the Christmas Tree
^
Roughly 6,500 languages are spoken in the world today. Around 2,000
of them have fewer than 1,000 speakers. Mandarin Chinese is the most
spoken language with 1,213,000,000 speakers.
Almanac:
It is Friday, December 20, 2019. The moon was last quarter yesterday
and is in Libra. It is International Human Solidarity
Day, Games Day, Mudd Day, and National Sangria Day. Because it is the
third Friday it is also Underdog Day.
Among
those born on this day were Bonnie Prince Charlie (1720), Thomas
Graham (1805), Dr. Samuel A. Mudd (1833), Ferdinand-Edouard Buisson
France (1841), Harvey Firestone (1868), Irene Dunne (1898), Max
Lerner (1902), Patti Smith (1946), Alan Parsons (1948), and Chris
Robinson (1966).
On
December twentith the Corporation Act was
first enforced in England (1661), Russia changed new year from
September 1 to January 1 (1699), the Louisiana Purchase was formally
transferred to the US (1803), Missouri imposed a tax on bachelors (21
to 50 years old, 1820), the Hawaiian post office was established
(1850), the international cantilever railway bridge at Niagra Falls
opened (1883), Phileas Fogg completed his round the world trip
(1892), the pneumatic automoblie tire was patented (1892), Hilter was
freed from jail (1924), the Ethel Barrymore Theater opened (1928),
Harvey
premiered (1950), Elvis received his draft notice (1957), Joe Walsh
joined the Eagles (1975), Haldeman was released from jail (1978),
Howard Cosell retired (1985), and Portugal returned Macau to China
(1999).
Night
Sky, 12/20:
Have you ever watched a Sirius-rise? Find an open view right down to
the east-southeast horizon, and watch for Sirius to come up about two
fists at arm's length below Orion's vertical Belt. This will happen
sometime around 8 pm, depending on your location. When a star is very
low, it tends to twinkle quite slowly and often in vivid colors.
Sirius is bright enough to show these effects well, especially with
binoculars.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max, aka Joe Cool
This
Week: Saturday, December 21 –
Solstice aka Yule & Humbug Day & National Ugly Sweater Day
Night
Sky, 12/21: Tonight is the longest night of
the year in the Northern Hemisphere; the shortest night in the
Southern Hemisphere. The solstice occurs at 11:19 pm EST (8:19 pm
PST), marking the start of northern winter, when the Sun begins its
six-month return northward in the sky of Earth.
Night
Sky, 12/21: The
Ursids are often neglected due to the fact it peaks just before
Christmas and the rates are much less than the Geminds, which peaks
just a week before the Ursids. Observers will normally see 5-10
Ursids per hour. There have been occasional outbursts when rates have
exceeded 25 per hour. This shower is strictly a northern hemisphere
event as the radiant fails to clear the horizon or does so
simultaneously with the start of morning twilight as seen from the
southern tropics.
Sunday,
December 22 – Chanukah begins & Forefathers Day
Monday,
December 23 – Festivus & Family Roots Day & Metric
Conversion Day
Tuesday,
December 24 – Egg Nog Day & Christmas Eve
Wednesday,
December 25 – Christmas Day
Thursday,
December 26 – Boxing Day &
Kwanzaa begins & Thank You Note Day
Night
Sky, 12/26: An annular solar eclipse will
occur on December 26, 2019. A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon
passes between Earth and the Sun, thereby totally or partly obscuring
the Sun for a viewer on Earth. Not visible in the USA.
This
is my resting Grinch face. These puns sleigh me. Oh, deer, Yule be
sorry. Wait, there's myrrh. It is, afterall, the most punderful time
of the year.
..........Faithful
friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more........Judy
Garland …..Have
Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
^^
It is estimated that there are 4,200 religions in the world. It's
very hard to get a number because every religion defines religion
differently and lots of religions refuse to allow some faith systems
to be called a religion. There are 5 big ones, 11 well known ones,
and a few no one is sure about.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Since Russia will not be
allowed to compete in the 2020 Summer Olympics, Donald Trump has
invited them to take part in the 2020 Presidential Election.
Moonbeam:
Either men will learn to live like brothers, or they will die like
beasts. --Max Lerner
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: Trump has called the
process a “sham” that “started a long time ago, probably before
I came down the escalator with the future first lady". Don’t
say ‘I came down the escalator’ like you were George Washington
crossing the Delaware. It wasn’t noble or cool – you rode an
escalator to announce your campaign for president like you were at a
Macy’s looking for men’s underwear. --Seth Meyers / The six pages
decrying the impeachment process might be the most deranged letter to
Santa ever. It is a long, stupid, disingenuous and incoherent
defense signed by an angry gorilla with a Sharpie. I don’t even
know how to describe the tone of it. I guess if you took the most
privileged white lady ever and gave her a whole bottle of wine, and
then asked her to write Yelp review of a restaurant that made her
wait 40 minutes for a table and then got her order wrong twice.
--Jimmy Kimmel / That’s right, not one Republican evidently has a
problem with the president blackmailing a foreign government to get
dirt on a political opponent. In a related story, the GOP has changed
its mascot from an elephant to an ostrich. --Stephen Colbert
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What chance
- you know what? There's, like, that - you don't have a snowball's
chance in hell. It should be, like, you don't have a Bloomberg's
chance of winning in Iowa. --Peter Grosz / The people they left out
were all the women. There were no female nominees for Best Director,
no movies nominated that had female directors. Now, the Golden
Globes, if you don't know - they're considered the opening of awards
season, which is just like baseball season. It's too long. It's
somewhat predictable. And apparently, women are not allowed to play.
--Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
12/14/19
We
must not forget that chemical warfare will sooner or later bring in
its wake bacteriological warfare, pest propagation, typhus and other
serious diseases. --Ferdinand-Èdouard
Buisson France
Three
men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates. ‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You
must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven.’ The first fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he said. ‘You may
pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said. The next reached
into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said,
‘They’re bells.’ Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the
pearly gates’. The last man started searching desperately through
his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St.
Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just
what do those symbolize?’ The man replied, ‘These are Carols.’
And So The Season Begins …
..........Dancing
and prancing in Jingle Bell Square in the frosty air.........Bobby
Helms …..Jingle
Bell Rock
^^^
An ethnic group is defined as a population that share a common
cultural background. Estimates for how many such groups there are on
the planet range from 13,000 to 24,000. So any answer above “a
lot” is right.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The Ethel Barrymore Theater's first play was
The Kingdom of God by Gregorio Martinez Sierra, produced by
Lee Shubert and directed by E.M. Blyth. It ran for 92 performances.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If
those men were so wise, why didn't they bring baby Jesus toys rather
than all that other stuff. --Jeff Keane Family
Circus
Weird
Word of the Week:
Verbigeration (soft g, like refrigeration) –senseless word salad or
“the continual utterance of certain words or phrases at short
intervals, without reference to their meaning”. ~~This is a
particularly amusing definition, I recommend reading it – John
Lithgow and all.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ver2.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Make a back massager. Put several Wilson Tennis Balls inside a sock
and tie at the end. This is frequently used by the labor coach to
massage the back of a woman in labor.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wilson.html
Boxing
Day aka St Stephen's Day (26) – The day after Christmas Good
King Wenceslas decided that he was fed up with the food at the
palace, so he phoned up his local Italian restaurant for a takeaway
pizza. "Certainly, your Majesty" says the Manager, "Would
you like your usual"? "Yes please," replied the King,
"same as always - deep pan, crisp and even"
...........Ye
who now will bless the poor shall yourselves find
blessing.........John Mason Neale …..Good
King Wenceslas
^^^^
In a study around 2002, the natural sex ratio at
birth was estimated to be close to 1.06 males/1 female. Infant
mortality is significantly higher in boys than girls in most parts of
the world. Women tend to live longer than men. So, yeah, pretty
much 50/50. These figures have not taken into account,
hermaphroditism, transexuals, or gender identity.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
A lot of people don't realize that the actor who played Wilson in
Castaway
is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top
Gun.
--#RHOZ
Coincidence
of the Week:
Trump was impeached on International Migrants Day
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
Con+Alt+Delete 2019 (20-22, Chicago) An anime convention ...a
ton of panels, a ton of events https://conaltdelete.com/about
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
Iris – Scientific Group Conference 2020 00 (21-23, Rome) 2nd
Global Conference on Plant Science & Research. Academicians,
plant scientists, and biochemists, oh, my.
https://irisscientificgroup.com/conferences/plantscience/
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck and his sidekick Justice searching for clues
under the snow in the case of Avalanche
Arf.
Yule
aka Winter Solstice aka Hibernal Solstice (21) Blessed Be! –How
many Sumerians does it take to screw in a light bulb? 13. One to
hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin. / How
many Traditional British Witches does it take to screw in a light
bulb? Can't tell you. It's a third degree question./ How many Druids
does it take to screw in a light bulb? Druids don't screw in light
bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
..........The
long night draws near all who need comfort are welcome by
here.........Wyrd Sisters …..Solstice
Carole
^^^^^
The
global population breakdown by age shows that a quarter (26%) are
younger than 14 years, 8% are older than 65, while half of the world
population is the working age bracket between 25 and 65.
Month
of the Week: December is Take
A New Year's Resolution to Stop Smoking (TANYRS) Month
--Have you heard about the new Robin Williams anti-smoking movie?
It's
called I'm On The Patch,
Adams. / I'm trying to quit smoking,
so I'm looking for a new oral fixation, better watch out.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be
naughty, save Santa the trip.
Grammar
Joke of the Week: I thought I'd be cute so I meowed to my cat.
My cat was aghast and pointed out 7 grammatical errors I had made in
just 1 meow. --Submitted by dr of oh
Today's
Peace of History, December
20, 1999: The Vermont Supreme Court
ruled in Baker v. State of Vermont that homosexual couples were
entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded couples of
the opposite sex.
Today's
Peace of Woman's History, December 20, 1990: Kansas
reservist Dr. Yolanda Huet-Vaughn refused orders to serve in the
first Gulf War (Desert Storm) and was later sentenced to prison.
Knock
Knock, who's there? Yule. Yule who? Yule never know. / How long does
it take to burn a candle all the way down? About a wick.
..........There's
holly and ivy and white mistleberry..........Spiral Dance
…..Solstice
Evergreen
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle December 20, 2019, Festive ePistle. Peace, Love, &
Holidays Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS
66047
Moonbeam:
I am neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a possibilist. --Max
Lerner
Cost
of War:
As
of 12/19/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,985,397,593,204.
As
of 12/12/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,983,531,095,259.
As
of 12/19/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $938,221,759,822.
As
of 12/12/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $936,953,248,123.
As
of 12/19/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $729,135,006,406.
As
of 12/12/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $727,541,373,156.
As
of 12/19/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $321,349,1087,379.
As
of 12/12/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $320,986,660,114.
As
of 12/19/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,974,105,330,519.
As
of 12/12/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,969,013,130,626.
From
the day war conquered the skies, nothing could check its progress.
--Ferdinand-Èdouard
Buisson France
..........While
the merry bells keep ringing.........Andy Williams …..Happy
Holidays to You
Good
tonics we bring, to you and your gin. / May your holiday be as
extraordinary as you!
Famous
Last Words: Well thanks, Harvey. I prefer you, too. --Elwood
P Dowd Harvey
May
Peace charm your holidays
And
Joy fill your new year
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh: Submitted by the Baker Wetlands
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