Famous
First Words: Choose
life. --Trainspotting
It's
International Clown Week (1-7) – I thought it would be a nice
jester to send in the clown jokes. / Why did the clown cross the
road? To get his rubber chicken.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms:Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one
coughs
..........Living
in the shadow of a doubt today..........Garth Hudson & the Band
…..Smoke Signal
It
is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the
most ferocious enemy justice can have. --James Baldwin
It
is a very rainy Friday morning. Puck and I sneaked in a walk before
it began; we walked while the clouds were still gathering and piling
up, while the sidewalks were still dry and the frogs in the pond that
made by yesterday's storm sang to the morning. Without thunder or
lightning to announce it, the deluge began...not softly, not
slowly...in sheets. There was no wind to blow it about, it came
straight down everywhere in barrels and rivers. Water ran into low
areas, ran like life depended on it, building up around drains that
were overworked and at curbs and corners. Rain soaked us from the
car to the door to the car, from the moment that we stepped from
under the awning. So I wear wet clothes and drink doctored decaf and
chuckle at the rain and its antics because I still get to write to
you.
Hope
your weekend is a supreme joke, ya bunch of clowns.
I'm
starting a clown shoe store. It's no small feat. / Two cannibals
captured a clown and made a laughing stock out of him.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how
much weight you have gained
..........But
I'm still waitin' for the second coming of..........Garth Hudson &
the Band …..Ophelia
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday to the Hatch Act !
^
Any idea what the official name of the Hatch Act of 1939 is?
^^
So, who was Hatch, anyway?
^^^
What does the act outlaw?
^^^^
Know what the 1940 extension amendment added to the law?
^^^^^
Where did FDR stand on the Hatch Act?
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week: Never
challenge Death to a pillow fight, unless you're prepared to handle
the reaper cushions. --Submitted by msh of bc
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
There
is only a 7% chance that all the library furniture is in the same
place at closing as it was at opening.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
If
you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns...you
should go straight for the juggler. / When Clarabell retired he left
some big shoes to fill.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation
while drunk
..........The
bourbon is a hundred proof..........Garth Hudson & the Band
…..Rag, Mama, Rag
Moonbeam:
If I cannot give consent to my own death, whose body is this? Who
owns my life? --Sue Rodriguez
Something
to Think About of the Week: DNA viewed from the top
Big
Hello: namaskārām
-Telugu (India) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do
your remember, before the internet, that it was thought that the
cause of collective stupidity was the lack of access to information?
Well...it wasn't that.
Week
of the Week: World Breastfeeding Week
(1-7) --*Formula: $25/can *Bottles $10 each *Recalls: Hundreds
*Antibodies: Zero *Breastfeeding: PRICELESS I make milk. What's
your superpower.
Clarice
the Clown never sits down – she's a stand-up comic. / Clark the
Clown can no longer afford to make animals out of balloon because of
inflation.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Negligent (adj.) Absentmindedly answering
the door in your nightgown.
..........We're
gonna soothe away the rest of our years..........Garth Hudson &
the Band …..Rockin' Chair
^
The Hatch Act, aka, An Act to Prevent Pernicious Political
Activities prohibits employees in the executive branch of the
federal government from engaging in some forms of political activity.
(The president, vice president, and certain other designated high
-level officials are exempt).
Almanac:
It is Friday, August 2, 2019. The moon was new on Wednesday and is
in Leo. It is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, India
Pale Ale Beer Day, and Satchmo Days (First weekend). In Costa
Rica it is the Virgin of Angels feast and Grenada celebrates
Emancipation Day. Finally Lesotho is commemorating National Tree
Planting Day.
Among
those born on this day were Pierre Charles
L'Enfant (1754), John Tyndall (1820), Rómulo
Gallegos (1884), Arthur Bliss (1891), Myrna
Loy (1905), Mary Hamman (1907), Carroll O'Connor (1922), James
Baldwin (1924), Lamar Hunt and Peter O'Toole (1932), Garth Hudson
(1942), and Sue Rodriguez (1950).
On
August second the Declaration
of Independence was formally signed
(1776), the San Francisco cable cars made their first trial run
(1873), the first Lincoln head penny was minted (1909), the Hatch
Act was passed (1939), the Beatles played
their very first gig as the Cavern house band (Liverpool, 1961),
Billy Martin was named manager of NY Yankees for the first time
(1975), and Voyager 2 discovered 3 more moons around Neptune (1989).
Night
Sky, 8/2: The
Big Dipper hangs diagonally in the northwest after dark. From its
midpoint, look to the right to find Polaris (not very bright)
glimmering due north as always.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max re-imagines great art: Driving
His Tandem
by Edmund Wilson
This
Week: Saturday, August 3 –
National Clown Day & National Jamaican Patty Day & Mead Day
Sunday,
August 4 – Sister's Day & Single Working Women's Day &
Friendship Day
Night
Sky, 8/4: The Sagittarius Teapot hangs in the
south these evenings, to the lower right of Saturn. It's beginning to
tilt to pour from its spout to the right. The Teapot will tilt
further for the rest of the summer — and for much of the night if
you stay out late.
Monday,
August 5 – National Doll Day & National Underwear Day
Tuesday,
August 6 – Hiroshima Day
Night
Sky, 8/6: Jupiter
rises between the legs of Ophiuchus
after
dusk. It is the white point glaring in the south. Saturn is the
steady, pale yellowish "star" in the south southeast during
and after dusk.
Wednesday,
August 7 – Lighthouse Day & Particularly Preposterous
Packaging Day
Night
Sky, 8/7: Uranus is high in the southeast
before the first beginnings of dawn and Neptune is high in the south
around the same time.
Thursday,
August 8 – Dalek Day & International Cat Day &
Happiness Happens Day
Clowns
in jail are called silicons. / Know what that gooey red stuff between
an elephant's toes is? Slow clown
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp
..........The
odds were in my favor, I had 'em five to one..........Garth Hudson &
the Band …..Up on Cripple Creek
^^
The
Act was sponsored by Senator Carl Hatch, a Democrat from New Mexico.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why won't the Republicans
impeach Trump? Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Mueller
Late Night Snacks of the Week: Did you think
Mueller was going to smash through the wall in a monster truck called
the Detrumpulator? --Seth Meyers / He gave his testimony with all the
enthusiasm and passion of a recently fired basset hound. The only way
Mueller could have looked less interested in testifying this morning
is if he spent the testimony wearing glasses with open eyes painted
on them. --Samatha Bee / He’s like the world’s least
co-operative audio book. --Trevor Noah /
Problematic is an understatement is
a pretty scathing indictment for a man whose version of ‘I love
you’ is probably ‘It’s safe to say there is some fondness’.
--Stephen Colbert
Mueller
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Very
good. So you know that moment at the beginning of "Willy Wonka
And The Chocolate Factory" when Gene Wilder comes out, and he's
this creaky old man, and everybody is disappointed and sad? And then
he does a somersault, and everybody cheers. Well, imagine that, but
instead of the somersault, he just kind of dodders around for eight
hours. --Peter Segal Wait, Wait Don't
Tell Me 7/27/19
It
is very nearly impossible...to become an educated person in a country
so distrustful of the independent mind. --James Baldwin
Clarence
the Clown was so sad he broke his funny bone. / The clown's hard
drive has 60 gigglebytes of memory.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Gargoyle (n.) gross olive-flavored
mouthwash
..........I
ain't gonna worry all day long..........Garth Hudson & the Band
…..When You Awake
^^^
The
Hatch Act forbids the intimidation or bribery of voters and restricts
political campaign activities by federal employees. It prohibits
using any public funds designated for relief or public works for
electoral purposes. It forbids officials paid with federal funds from
using promises of jobs, promotion, financial assistance, contracts,
or any other benefit to coerce campaign contributions or political
support. It provides that persons below the policy-making level in
the executive branch of the federal government must not only refrain
from political practices that would be illegal for any citizen, but
must abstain from "any active part" in political campaigns,
using this language to specify those who are exempt.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: Voyager 2 discovered the
previously unknown Neptunian rings, and confirmed 6 new Neptunian
moons: Despina, Galatea, Larissa, Proteus, Naiad, and Thalassa. It
also discovered the "Great Dark Spot", which has since
disappeared, according to observations by the Hubble Space
Telescope..
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There
should be a calorie refund for things that didn't taste as good as
you expected.
Weird
Word of the Week:
Barmecide 'ba:misaid – a meal that looks good but doesn't live up
to expectations. From The Arabian Nights: The Book of the Thousand
Nights and a Night.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-bar1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Prevent snow from sticking to a shovel. Coast the shovel with Wesson
Vegetable Oil. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
Lots
of people don't like my clown baton, but I think it's my jest stick.
/ What's the difference between a clown and a tall person? Their
shoe store.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that
picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
...........Once
you get it, you can't forget it..........Garth Hudson & the Band
…..The W.S. Walcott Medicine Show
^^^^
An
amendment on July 19, 1940, extended the Act to certain employees of
state and local governments whose positions are primarily paid for by
federal funds. It has been interpreted to bar political activity on
the part of employees of state agencies administering federal
unemployment insurance programs and appointed local law enforcement
agency officials with oversight of federal grant funds. The Hatch Act
bars state and local government employees from running for public
office if any federal funds support the position, even if the
position is funded almost entirely with local funds.
Ante-penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I Got
banned from the library for moving all the books on trickle down
economics to the mythology section. --Nash Submitted by ae of mo
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
BronyCon 2019 (1-4, Baltimore) For a celebration of a fandom unlike
any other. https://bronycon.org/
~~Brony (n.) = a man who is a fan of the My
Little Pony
television program...
Actual
Convention of the Week:
20th
Annual Hambletonian Equine Seminar & Trade Show (2, East
Rutherford, NJ) Full-day CE Seminar and Trade Show
http://veterinarycalendar.dvm360.com/20th-annual-hambletonian-ce-seminar
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Here is Partner first-class, Justice, standing guard while our
fearless Puck sleeps under my desk.
Clown
suits are made of polyjester./ I ate a clown fish yesterday but it
didn't taste funny at all.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified
bearing adopted by proctologists
..........Always
be a man, not a boy gone astray..........Garth Hudson & the Band
…..Endless Highway
^^^^^
At
the time, Roosevelt was struggling to purge the Democratic party of
its more conservative members, who were increasingly aligned with the
administration's Republican opponents. The president considered
vetoing the legislation or allowing it to become law without his
signature, but instead signed it on the last day he could do so. His
signing message welcomed the legislation as if he had called for it,
and emphasized the protection his administration would provide for
political expression on the part of public employees.
Month
of the Week: August is Golf Month
--After
they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old
guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've
been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the
terminology of the game, but what's a rider? The pro said, "A
rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf
cart and ride to it."
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Stop complaining about your life. Someone out there is dating your
ex. RHOZ
Grammar
Joke of the Week: Avoid Alliteration Always
Today's
Peace of History, August 2, 1931: Albert
Einstein urged all scientists to refuse military work. "I know
not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV
will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein
The
circus clown got drunk and accidentally climbed into the lion's cage.
But the lion didn't eat him because he tasted funny. / Cannibals
think clowns are happy meals.
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Pokemon (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist
..........You
can walk on the water, drown in the sand..........Garth Hudson &
the Band …..Life Is A Carnival
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle August 2, 2019, Clowning ePistle. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Generic Tag Line. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside
Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hand
over the money or I'll explain the absurdity of all human activity.
Existential Threat. --Submitted by ma of va
Moonbeam:
A night full of moon is favorable to tales of apparitions. --Rómulo
Gallegos
Cost
of War:
As
of 8/1/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,945,895,251,040.
As
of 7/25/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,943,930,907,614.
As
of 8/1/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $911,375,477,921.
As
of 7/25/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $910,040,485,455.
As
of 8/1/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $695,386,471,317.
As
of 7/25/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $693,708,106,382.
As
of 8/1/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $313,678,725,843.
As
of 7/25/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $313,297,319,831.
As
of 8/1/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,866,336,632,281.
As
of 7/25/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,860,977,584,772.
Hatred,
which could destroy so much, never failed to destroy the man who
hated, and this was an immutable law. --James Baldwin
….......I
work for the union 'cause she's so good to me..........Garth Hudson &
the Band …..King Harvest (Has Surely Come
2019
Washington Post Neologisms: Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front
of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Thousands
of clowns were killed today in the worst seismic event of the past
100 years. Scientists are calling it the mirthquake of the century.
/ My clown school education was a joke./ Elect a clown, expect a
circus.
Famous
Last Words: ...and our sacred honor. --U.S. Declaration of
Independence
May
Peace bring you a smile
And
Joy make you laugh out loud
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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