Famous
First Words: …. . .-.. .-.. --- (Morse Code: Hello)
It
is Heat Awareness Day. Are you aware it was so hot the squirrels
were using potholders to collect their nuts... you can make instant
sun tea.
Religious
Shit: Taoism – Shit Happens
..........I've
stepped in the middle of seven sad forests.........Bob Dylan …..Hard
Rain's A-Gonna Fall
We
Christians forget (if we ever learned) that attempts to redress real
or imagined injustice by violent means are merely another exercise in
denial — denial of God and her nonviolence towards us, denial of
love of neighbor, denial of laws essential to our being
--Philip Berrigan
It
is a muggy Friday (74°F, 81% humidity) morning. Clouds in a variety
of colors, shapes, and sizes are traveling north - silent but at a
steady pace. There are big puffy-topped domes that are almost white
and wispy little gray rags all moving at the same steady speed.
Grass and pavement are wet but no raindrops fall on our heads. The
rising sun is trying to break through but the clouds pay no attention
and continue northward. Birds are out in force singing and talking
and brightening the day. Chirp Chirp Pheeeew Pheeeew. The crows
have come and gone. Puck barks at a bunny and smells every inch of
sidewalk and curb and yard. The world still smells of dampness and
mown grass and new growth; it is a heady aroma. We check the mailbox
but it is empty so we return to our house, to fresh brewed coffee and
saucers of milk, to silence and sleep. I take a long, hot gulp of
sweetened, creamed decaf, stretch my arms and neck and sit down to
write to you. Couldn't ask for a better morning.
Hope
you weekend is a fever of fun, ePistliers.
Are
you aware it was so hot a funeral procession pulled through a Dairy
Queen...Lance Armstrong tested positive for Snapple.
Buddhism:
If Shit happens, it really isn't shit.
..........I'm
younger than that now.........Bob
Dylan …..My Back Pages
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday, Methodists!
^
Know where John Wesley was born?
^^
When or where did United show up in the name?
^^^
Which famous Methodist educator was the only black woman at the
founding of the United Nations?
^^^^
The Methodist logo is one of the most recognized around the world;
what is it?
^^^^^
More or less when did Methodism come to the colonies?
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week: I support a
preemptive strike on John Bolton's mustache. --Submitted by cj of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
99% of librarians have a favorite humorous subject heading.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week 2:
Questioning William Barr: When you're alone with the president and he
farts loudly but he immediately denies it was him, do you then
believe it was you who farted? --Submitted by sd of ks
Are
you aware it was so hot Mormon missionaries started
telemarketing...the beach turned to glass.
Hinduism:
This Shit has happened before.
.........And
the morning will be breaking..........Bob
Dylan …..When The Ship Comes In
Moonbeam:
To form a truly free constitution,
that’s to say, truly just and wise, the first point, the main
point, the capital point, is that all the laws be agreed on by the
people, after considered reflection... --Jean-Paul Marat
Something
to Think About of the Week: Nautilus
Big
Hello: Hoj –
Stellingwarfs (Dutch Low Saxon)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You
know it's gonna be a fun Friday night in Kansas when you see a storm
chaser truck at the Sonic... --Submitted by ae of mo
Week
of the Week: National Unicycle Week
(19-25) --What's the difference between a well dressed man on a
bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire / If
you ever feel like a third wheel, just stop....You are not a third
wheel. You are a majestic unicycle and they are your noble training
wheels.
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week 2: If
you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu.
--Elizabeth Warren
Are
you aware it was so hot the devil was in Wal-Mart buying an air
conditioner...the hot pockets started out that way.
Islam:
If Shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
..........Well,
she talks to all the servants about man and God and law.........Bob
Dylan …..Maggie's Farm
^
John Wesley was born in 1703 in Epworth, 23 miles (37 km) north-west
of Lincoln, as the fifteenth child of Samuel Wesley and his wife
Susanna Wesley (née Annesley).
Almanac:
It is Friday, May 24, 2019. The moon will be third quarter on Sunday
and is in Aquarius. It is International Women's Day
for Disarmament, Brother's Day, Don't Fry Day, Heat Awareness Day,
International Tiara Day, Morse Code Day, National Escargo Day, and
National Wig Out Day. In the Bahamas,
Belize, Gibraltar, Lesotho, Turk & Caicos it is Commonwealth Day
and in Bulgaria it is Education Day/Enlightenment & Culture Day.
Among
those born on this day were George III (1738),
Jean-Paul Marat (1743), Oliver Cromwell (1753), Thomas Duncan (1807),
Samuel Newhouse (1895), Clifford Irving (1914), Tommy Chong (1938),
Dixie Carter (1939), Bob Dylan (1941), Frank Oz (1943),Gary Burghoff
(1943), Patti Labelle (1944), Priscilla Presley (1945), and Rosanne
Cash (1955).
On
May twenty-fourth the Methodist Church was established (1738), the
first passenger rail line opened in the US (1830), the first
telegraph message was tapped out (1844), the first black university
in the US opened (Lincoln U, 1854), the Pottawatomie Massacre took
place (KS, 1856), the Anti-Monopoly party and the Greenback party
merged to become the People's Party (1884), the first auto repair
shop in the US opened (Boston, 1899), Edison patented telescribe to
record telephone conversations (1915), racial segregation in the
District of Columbia was outlawed (1951), and Willie Mays joined the
Giants (1951).
Night
Sky, 5/24: The
Summer Triangle is making its appearance in the east, one star after
another. The first in view as night descends is Vega, the brightest
star in the east-northeast. Lower left it (by two or three fists at
arm's length) is Deneb. Farther to Vega's lower right is Altair,
rising above the horizon not long after dark.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max has decided he wants to be a farmer when he grows up.
Extra
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
In Kansas for Memorial Day weekend stay home, the lake will come to
you this year. --RHOZ
This
Week: Saturday, May 25 –
National & International Missing Children Day & Cookie
Monster's Birthday
Night
Sky, 5/25:
A
large double asteroid is now approaching Earth’s vicinity and will
pass by Earth safely on May 25, 2019. Closest approach is at 23:05
UTC (7:05 pm EDT) on May 25.
https://earthsky.org/space/double-asteroid-1999-kw4-closest-may-25-2019
Sunday,
May 26 – National Chardonnay Day & Neighbor Day
Night
Sky, 5/26: A gigantic asterism you may not
know is the Diamond of Virgo, some 50° tall and extending over five
constellations. It currently stands upright in the south after the
stars come out. Start with Spica, its bottom. Upper left from Spica
is bright Arcturus. Almost as far upper right from Arcturus (as you
face south) is fainter Cor Caroli, 3rd magnitude, almost overhead.
The same distance lower right from there is Denebola, the
2nd-magnitude tailtip of Leo. And then back to Spica.
Monday,
May 27 – Memorial Day & Hamburger Day
Tuesday,
May 28 – Sierra Club Day & National Hamburger Day
Night
Sky, 5/28: This is the time of year when Leo the Lion starts
walking downward toward the west, on his way to departing into the
sunset in early summer. Right after dark, spot the brightest star
fairly high in the west-southwest. That's Regulus, his forefoot.
Wednesday,
May 29 – World Otter Day & Learn About Composting Day
Thursday,
May 30 – Mint Julep Day & National Creativity Day
Are
you aware it was so hot cows were giving powdered milk...we renamed
the pig “Bacon”.
Catholicism:
Shit happens because you deserve it.
...........With
no direction home........Bob Dylan …..Like A Rolling Stone
^^
The present
denomination was founded in 1968 in Dallas, Texas, by a union of The
Methodist Church and the Evangelical United Brethren Church.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Where is far, far away and
how do I get there?
Moonbeam:
When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an
activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian.
– Tommy Chong
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: It’s still hard to
tell you’re pregnant at the six weeks. You might have no symptoms
or if you do, they are symptoms like fatigue or bloating and gas. On
the other hand, it does explain PF Chang’s new motto: ‘Maybe,
it’s not us. Maybe you’re pregnant. --Samantha Bee / Let’s
see, it’s 2019, so by the time those doctors get out of jail in
Alabama, it will be 1895.” The vote from the Alabama senate passed
25-6, with all yes votes coming from white Republican men, though it
might be the last time those Republican men will be coming for a
while. --Stephen Colbert / Just because you don’t hear the word
‘Russia’, doesn’t mean no one else uses it. For one thing, all
you watch is Fox News, where I’m pretty sure they pretend Russia
doesn’t even exist. When they show a map of Europe and Asia, they
replace Russia with a graphic that says: ‘What about Hillary’s
emails. --Seth Meyers
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Aer Lingus,
the Irish airline, has offered a new perk for upscale passengers for
only four times the normal ticket price. They guarantee you no
seatmate. For only four times the normal price of a ticket. It's
perfect for anyone who likes to spread out in privacy and also anyone
who's too dumb to realize that for only twice the price of a standard
ticket, you can buy the seat next to you. --Peter Sagal That's very
cunning of Lingus, I think. --Roy Blunt Jr. Wait,
Wait, Don't Tel Me
5/18/19 / On the pictures of the 25 Alabama senators voted for the
Heartbeat Act: ...all men ...this looks like the cast for a
lipitor commerical ...this looks like the mug shots of everyone
arrested at a massage parlor --Leslie Jones Saturday
Night Live
5/18/19
The
state, conceived in violence, and backed by violence, will never
achieve true peace. --Philip Berrigan
Are
you aware it was so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet...Tabasco sauce
tasted mild.
Protestantism:
Work harder or shit will happen.
..........Everybody
must get stoned.........Bob Dylan
…..Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35
^^^
Mary
Bethune, founder of the Bethune School for Girls, traveled
extensively, was a delegate to four Methodist General Conferences,
advised five US presidents, and was the only black woman present at
the founding of the United Nations in 1945.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: Pottawatomie Massacre, (May
24–25, 1856), murder of five men from a proslavery settlement on
Pottawatomie Creek, Franklin county, KS, by an antislavery party led
by the abolitionist John Brown and composed largely of men of his
family. The victims were associated with the Franklin County Court
established by the proslavery territorial government.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Women
are doing an awfully good job of not burning everything to the ground
right now. --Submitted by eb of ks
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week Two:
Sure sex is great but have you tried fantasizing about beating the
shit out of Stephen Miller? --Submitted by sb of ar
Weird
Word of the Week:
Gorgonize – To have a paralyzing or mesmerizing effect on someone.
Early 17th
century.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/27-delightful-obsolete-words-its-high-time-we-revived
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Moisturize skin. Massage Wesson Vegetable Oil into your skin, wait 15
minutes, remove the excess oil with Bounty Paper Towels, then take a
hot-water bath. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
Don't
Try This At Home of the Week: There was one last use for
common product, WD-40. If your tongue gets frozen to metal you can
spray WD-40 around your tongue. However, two or three hardy breaths
will also free it. Then you don't have to go into the garage and find
it among the stuff on 7 shelves and open the lid and cross your eyes
so that you can point the can and not poison yourself. How far can
your tongue stretch?
Are
you aware it was so hot corn on the stalks started popping...robins
were eating roasted worms
Materialism:
Whoever dies with the most Shit wins.
.........Two
riders were approaching, the wind began to howl...........Bob
Dylan …..All Along The Watchtower
^^^^
The
United Methodist church to God through Christ (cross) and the Holy
Spirit (flame). The flame is a reminder of Pentecost when witnesses
were unified by the power of the Holy Spirit and saw "tongues,
as of fire" (Acts 2:3). ~~I've been seeing this
logo since 1968 or 69 and I thought it was a cross and cloth and I
never knew why the Methodist's cross had a cape. If I'd have known
then that he was a 15th child, I would have assumed it was
laundry.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Back
when illegal immigrants were called Pilgrims.
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
ConQuesT 50 (24-26, KCMO) Mad Science & Experimental Wizardry
https://www.conquestkc.org/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
International
Conference on Energy Management and Applications Technologies (24-26,
Shanghai, China) All
papers submitted to the conference will be subjected to the rigorous
peer-review process.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/2019-the-international-conference-on-energy-management-and-applications-technologies-icemat-2019-ei-tickets-50346743465
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck with his one eye covered, Veronica Lake
look, in the case of the Shy
Skye.
Are
you aware it was so hot all chocolate is drinkable...everyone was
sweating like Trump at a lie detector.
Atheism:
I can't believe this shit.
.........His
clothes are dirty but his hands are clean..........Bob Dylan …..Lay
Lady Lay
^^^^^
The Wesley boys visited the Georgia Colony in 1735. In 1766
missionaries arrived in Newfoundland and soon after emigrated south.
But it was not until 1784 that Methodist ministers with the authority
to administer sacraments arrived in the new world.
Month
of the Week: May is National Smile Month
– Keep Smiling...and one day life will get tired of upsetting you.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be
careful out there. It's “drop a house on a witch” weather and
some of you don't need to take any chances. --Real Housewives of Oz
Grammar
Joke of the Week: What
happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate? The noun
declined.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week 2:
Over
130 tornados in five days. That is insane. I also feel bad for the
land Oz . They probably have houses falling on them every 15 minutes.
It's just witch funerals up there 24/7. I get killing the wicked
ones but at some point it's just witch genocide. --Trevor Noah Daily
Show
5/22
Today's
Peace of History, May 24, 1968:
Four protesters, including Phil Berrigan and Tom Lewis, were
sentenced in Baltimore, Maryland, to six years each in prison for
pouring blood on draft records.
Are
you aware it was so hot we poached eggs in the swimming
pool...automatic toast
Judaism:
Why does this Shit always happen to us?
.........Morning
came and morning went..........Bob Dylan …..You Ain't Goin' No
Where
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle, May 24 2019, hEated ePistle. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Laughs, Peace, & Warmth. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511
Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam:
I was on a train of lies. I couldn't jump off. --Clifford Irving
Cost
of War:
As
of 5/16/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,926,159,458,782.
As
of 5/9/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,922,451,509,187.
As
of 5/16/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $897,962,540,213.
As
of 5/9/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $895,442,716,965.
As
of 5/16/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $678,524,429,083.
As
of 5/9/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $675,356,438,705.
As
of 5/16/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $309,846,477,485.
As
of 5/9/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $309,126,444,292.
As
of 5/16/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,812,493,298,596.
As
of 5/9/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,802,377,962,456.
According
to a University of South Carolina study, violence in America rose 42
percent during the Vietnam War. This is hardly surprising. Our
leaders are lawless, so why not we?
….......We'll
meet again someday on the avenue.........Bob Dylan …..Tangled Up
In Blue
Rastafarianism:
Let' smoke this Shit
--Submitted
mja of ks
Are
you aware it was so hot the car overheated before it was
started...the campfire lit itself.
May
Peace warm your body
And
Joy warm your soul
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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