bEaver bAit ePistle

Famous First Words: Ho there! You guardians of the woods... Parsifal (Wagner)

This is the weekend of the International Lumberjack Championships. ...What do you call a drunk lumberjack? A Rumberjack... ~~I tried to be a lumberjack but I couldn't cut it.

..........Make yourself easy.........Grateful Dead …..Till The Morning Comes

Blessed are the simple, for they shall have much peace. --Thomas A Kempis

It is a beautiful (72°F) Friday morning. The pale blue sky is smeared with wispy white clouds like a giant blueberry bagel. When Puck and I walk by the little wood across the street it smells of damp soil and overripe foliage and twilight. There is no breeze but the air is permeated with water; I can almost feel it against my skin as I walk down the sidewalk. In the backyard the splash of the fountain forms the center of the morning soundtrack and bird call adds texture and depth...tweet eeer, tweet eeer comes from an unseen specimen. Now and ten a car rolls by on its way to the hurry of traffic and work. Puck sits on the deck. He sits down square (all four feet out) with his head erect and this ear moving slightly lest the tweet eeer change into the squeak of a squirrel which now has a nest in the tree just north of the fence. A pair of cardinals flash red across the green leaves of the young pear tree and stop to assess how much of a threat I am before alighting for breakfast. What a very peaceful morning in the neighborhood. Sigh. So we return indoors and now I sit with a cup of decaf, sweetened and creamed, and I get to write to you. What a great start.

Hope your weekend is as gnarly as it gets, ePistliers.

Lumberjacks and forest animals swim at Fir Beech. / How many lumberjacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; there are no light bulbs in the forest.

.......... One way is the morning light….......Allman Brothers Band …..Seven Turns

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Miami ! ...Florida, that is..

^ More than 800 Miami buildings feature what kind of architecture?

^^ Which two National Parks border Miami?

^^^ What makes Miami Beach so unique?

^^^^ How diverse (i.e. cosmopolitan) is Miami, anyway?

^^^^^ What contributes to Miami's title, Cruise Capital of the World?

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: The inevitable late-morning caffeine crash is responsible for 38% of librarian self-loathing. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Talk Like a Lumberjack of The Week: Beaver Bait are trash logs and debris. A High Climber is the person who tops a spar tree and hangs the butt rigging. The Push is the foreman on a log drive.

This puny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack. "Sorry,” says the head lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down, "You're just too small." "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," the guy pleads. "You won't regret it." "Okay," says the boss. "See that giant oak over there? Let's see if you can chop it down." Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss. "Where'd you learn to cut trees like that?" he asks. "The Sahara Forest." "You mean the Sahara Desert ?" "Sure, if that's what they call it now."

..........If I spring a leak she mends me…......The Band …..Up on Cripple Creek

Moonbeam: My creed is love; wherever its caravan turns along the way, that is my belief, my faith. --Ibn al-'Arabi

Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: 안녕하십니까 (annyeong-hasimnikka) - Korean

Week of the Week: International Tree Climbing Days (July 28-30) –Fred & Frieda were great animal hunters for zoos at the turn of the 20^th century. They brought more than120 monkeys into the collection, mostly by climbing trees and acting like a nuts.

..........Drivin' that train, high on cocaine.........The Grateful Dead …..Casey Jones

^ There are more than 800 buildings that feature Art Deco Architecture in Miami Beach. This makes it the largest collection of this type of architecture in the entire world. The historic districts of Espanola Way, Collins/Washington Avenues, Flamingo Park and Museum make up the National Register Art Deco District.

The French-Canadian lumberjack cut his friend in half. He was accused of sawed-ami. / What's the difference between a kangaroo and a lumberjack? A kangaroo hops and chews, a lumberjack chops and hews.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 28, 2017. The moon will be first quarter on Sunday and is in Libra. United Nations has declared this World Hepatitis Day (World Health Organization). It is Buffalo Soldiers Day and National Milk Chocolate Day. In Bermuda it is Adm George Somers Day (1609) and San Marino celebrates the Fall of Facism Day (1943). The US commemorates both Joseph Lee Day-honors playgrounds (1937) and Volunteers of America founders day (1859). Peru celebrates Independence Day (1824). Because it is the last Friday in July it is also the Garlic Festival (Gilroy, CA), National Get Narly Day aka Gnarly Day, and National Talk in An Elevator Day.

Among those born on this day were Ibn al-'Arabi (1165), Thomas Heyward (1746), Philippe Fabre d'glantine (1750), Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844), Beatrix Potter (1866), Marcel Duchamp (1887), Joe E Brown (1892), Rudy Vallee (1901), Earl S Tupper and Vivian Vance (1907), Darryl Hickman (1930), Jacques D'Amboise (1934), Jim Davis and Richard Wright (1945), Sally Struther (1947), and Marilyn Quayle (1949).

On July twenty-eighthth Peru declared independence from Spain (1821), a total solar eclipse was first captured on a daguerreotype (1851), Parsifal was first produced (Bayreuth, 1882), the City of Miami was incorporated (Florida, 1896), the foxtrot was introduced (NYC, 1914), Hoover evicted the bonus marchers camped in DC (1932), the first singing telegram was delivered (1933), Mussolini resigned (1943), the senate ratified the UN charter (89-2, 1945), Richard Nixon became the Republican candidate (1960), and Summer Jam rock festival featured the Grateful Dead, TheAllman Brothers Band and The Band (1973).

Night Sky, July 28: The Sagittarius Teapot is in the south after darkness is complete. It's about a fist at arm's length wide, and it's now tilting to pour from its spout on the right. The Teapot will tilt farther and farther, pouring out for the rest of the summer — or for much of the night if you stay out late.

This Week: Saturday, July 29 – National Dance Day & National Lipstick Day & Rain Day

Night Sky, July 29: Jupiter shines under the Moon this evening, more or less (their exact placement will depend on your location). Picture

Sunday, July 30 – Friendship Day aka International Day of Friendship & Chicken and Waffles Day

Night Sky, July 30: Now, in the west in twilight the moon shines upper left of Mercury and Regulus. The planet and star are in conjunction, with Mercury to Regulus's lower right. Picture

Monday, July 31 – National Mutt Day & World Ranger Day

Tuesday, August 1 – Spider-Man Day & National Night Out

Night Sky, August 1: Visible before sunrise – Neptune (south), Uranus (southeast), and Venus (east)

Wednesday, August 2 – National Coloring Book Day

Night Sky, August 2: Visible after sunset - Mercury (west), Jupiter (southwest), and Saturn (south)

Thursday, August 3 – Watermelon Day & India Pale Ale Day

..........I don't own the clothes I'm wearing….......Allman Brothers Band …..Midnight Rider

^^ Miami Beach is surrounded by both the Biscayne National Park and the Everglades National Park. It’s the only city in the United States that has two different national parks as part of its borders.

Funniest thing I read of the Week: I am so tired of falling asleep in my chair that tomorrow I'm bringing a cot to work. --Bob Moher

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fandom Fest – Fine art to comic art and everything in between. Louisville, KY, July 28-30. ...with Weird Al Yankovic and Skeet Ulrich http://fandomfest.com/

Moonbeam: Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality. --Beatrix Potter

Huuuummmmmmm?? of the Week: I just saw a 2017 Total Eclipse t-shirt for sale. It featured a picture of the iconic alien face. Am I missing something? Are alien supposed to invade during the 15 – 20 minutes when the sun is eclipsed in a narrow path across a small percentage of the globe? Couldn't they just invade at night?

Late Night Snacks: A lot of people didn’t know how to feel about the news. On one hand, O.J. is a convicted felon. On the other hand, he managed to keep Drumpf off TV for a whole afternoon. So it’s kind of a community service. --Jimmy Fallon / President Drumpf said in a new interview that he had regrets about appointing Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Sessions said today that he will continue to serve as long as it is appropriate. So only until about 1955. --Seth Meyers / It is hard to overstate the level of failure here. The GOP crushed their car at 90 miles an hour into a cliff with a grin on their face. It's like if Batman vs. Superman took a Pontiac Aztec to Blockbuster Video to rent "The Lone Ranger" and watch it on laser disc. That's how badly they failed. --Stephen Colbert

Not So Late Night Snacks: The healthcare bill is the only thing that won't die because of the healthcare bill. --Peter Sagal, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me

My religion is simple. My religion is peace, love, compassion and equality. --Notes from Nora

A forestry analyst was sent out to a logging camp to survey the forest. His job was to count the trees, take measurements, and make spreadsheets to track the health of the forest to make sure the logging was sustainable. He arrived in the evening and found the camp very quiet. After introducing himself to the foreman, he asked if anything was wrong. "Naw, son. Lumberjacks work hard, and the fellers are all tired, that's all." He saw that clearly enough over the next couple of days as he made his rounds, measuring trees and plotting growth curves and other tree-geeky things. On the third day, however, a fierce storm blew up, and even the hardy lumberjacks were confined to the camp. That evening, however, after the rain moved on, he saw them pulling back a tarp that had covered a plank floor. He turned once more to the foreman to ask what was afoot. "Well, son, lumberjacks're vigorous sorts. After bein' cooped up all day, they got to burn off some energy so they can sleep, so we're gonna have a dance." When the music started up, it was a stately pavane, and the lumberjacks paced gracefully but slowly through its measures. As the dance ended, he shot the foreman a dubious look. "I know what yer thinkin', son, but they gotta warm up slow, or they might pull a muscle later, and not be able to work in the mornin'." Sure enough, the next tune was sprightly, ten times as energetic as the first, though it still seemed a bit...dainty...for a bunch of lumberjacks. When the third dance began, though, to drums that thundered through the trees, the lumberjacks' mighty boots seemed to shake the very earth. "Oh, I get it!" cried the analyst. "It's logarithmic!"

..........Please darken my door.........The Band …..Ophelia

^^^ Miami Beach is one of the few man-made islands in the United States. It was once a desolate coconut grove plantation. Years back, most people would have never guessed that it would now be the popular tourist destination that it is today.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Summer Jam was held at Watkins Glen Grand Prix Raceway outside Watkins Glen, NY. It once held the Guinness Book of World Records entry for "Largest audience at a pop festival" with an estimated 600,000 rock fans attending.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: To call his (Trump) interview with The New York Times incoherent babble is an insult to incoherent babble. --Michael A Cohen --Submitted by gr of oh

Weird Word of the Week: Seaborgium – a chemical element named after Prof. Glenn Seaborg who is the only person in history of science to have an element named after him during his lifetime. http://www.worldwidewords.org/topicalwords/tw-sea1.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean rust from a sink or bathroom fixtures. Make a paste from Tang and water, apply the paste to the rust stain, let sit for one hour, brush, and rinse. The citric acid I the Tang oxidizes the rust. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html

...........Chicago, New York, Detroit and its all the same street.........The Grateful Dead ….Truckin'

^^^^ Miami is a very diverse place. It is estimated that there are at least 150 ethnicities as well as over 60 different languages spoken there. When visiting Miami it doesn’t matter what race you are or what language you speak, you will probably find someone who is the same race and speaks the same language as you.

Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Luggage – bags in which to pack personal belongings King Henry IV, Part I Act V Scene IV Prince Henry: Come, bring your luggage nobly on your back:

“Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Trump was still saying Obama's birth certificate was fake last year. I'm not sure the guy who holds fake press conferences, has a fake university, a fake foundation, fake hair, and a fake tan should be in charge of deciding what's real. --Seth Meyers Submitted by fb of az

Socialist Quote of the Week: The real purpose of Socialism is precisely to advance beyond the predatory phase of human development. – Albert Einstein

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck keeping an eye on you in the case of the Russian Reader.

A lumberjack and his T-Rex walked into a restaurant. “Do you serve politicians here?” he asked. “Sure”, said the waitress. “Great”, said the lumberjack, “I'll take an order of flapjacks. My T-Rex would like a republican.

..........It's better than sunshine….......Allman Brothers Band …..Soulshine

^^^^^ The Port of Miami is known as the Cruise Capital of the World because it serves almost five million passengers annually.

Month of the Week: July is Women's Motorcycle Month –One fine summer's evening Mary, Grace, and Anne were riding back home from the bar, all three of them on Mary's Harley. Of course, they got stopped and the cop says, “This motorcycle is only licensed to carry 2 people, and there are 3 of you. One of you will have to get off and walk.” “3 of us”, Mary asked turning around, “what happened to Jane and Tiffany?”

Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Waipio Valley, Hawaii – Fertile valley about 1 mile across and over 5 miles deep, surround by cliffs up to 2000 feet. Water falls, taro fields, rivers and only about 100 residents. https://www.gohawaii.com/big-island/regions-neighborhoods/hamakua-coast/waipio-valley-lookout/

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Impeach Pence First --Submitted by rb of ks

Today's Peace of History, July 28, 1982: San Francisco became the first US city to ban the sale and possession of handguns. The law was struck down by state courts, which ruled the local law to be in violation of the California constitution which gives the state the sole power to regulate firearms.

I was hiking in the woods one day when I noticed Eric and Don Jr. working for the parks department. Eric would dig a hole and as soon as he was finished, Don Jr. would come a fill it up. “Hi,” I said when they came near, “I can't figure out what you're doing there, what is it?” “O,” Don Jr. explained, “usually Ivanka walks between us and plants trees; but she's sick today.”

..........and Luke's waiting on the judgment day.........The Band …..The Weight

Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle July 28, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Generic Tag Line. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046

Moonbeam: Beauty is a relation, and the apprehension of it a comparison. --Gerard Manley Hopkins

Cost of War:

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/27/17: $778,759,632,629.

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/20/17: $778,080,229,526.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/27/17: $820,692,277,279.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/20/17: $820,672,418,669.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/27/17: $16,070,998,469.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/20/17: $15,966,545,081.

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/27/17: $155,616,417,663

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/20/17: $155,035,216,728

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/27/17: $1,776,115,234,445.

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/20/17: $1,774,696,189,513.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/

The greatest self is a peaceful smile, that always sees the world smiling back. --Bryant H McGill

..........I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.........Monty Python …..The Lumberjack Song

It's not saw dust, it's man glitter. / One day I was walking in the forest alone and a tree fell right in front of and I didn't hear anything. / Fred the lumberjack complained that he had to carry his ax with him all the time nowadays or people just thought he was a hipster.

Famous Last Words: ...It is Márgarét you mourn for. --Spring and Fall, Gerard Manley Hopkins

May Peace be your high climber

And Joy be your push

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

kEpt ePistle

Famous First Words: Veterans Crisis Line 1 800 273-8255 US Department of Veteran Affairs website

It is National Zookeeper Week !! You know why you don't see many reindeer in the zoo? They can't afford the admission.

..........Then the mist started, started to clear..........Cat Stevens …..Moonstone

Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.

It is a warm Friday morning (81°F). Puck and I have just returned from our morning constitutional which was taken at the hour to avoid an even warmer later. The sky is absolutely clear and ranges between light blue and white depending on where you look. Not even jet trails are visible. The birds are out in flocks. I have always thought that Pokemon names sound like bird calls. Tur-eee, Tur-eee, Tur-eee. Peek-a chew, Peek-a chew. Birds sang for us there and back again. Lots of traffic too hurrying off to work, waving vaguely, thoughts already on the weekend, no doubt. A southern breeze refreshes my face as it gusts by. Now, I adjust the fan to blow on me as I sit down at the computer; and here I am drinking creamy coffee and eating a slice of watermelon and thinking about you. What a morning.

Hope your weekend is so electrifying Tesla would be proud, ePistliers.

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. “Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

..........There in the night what a wonderful scene..........Kay Starr …..Rock and Roll Waltz

Trivia Questions: Good Morning, Moon!

^ What was the name and/or number of the NASA mission that took Armstrong to the moon?

^^ About how much processing power did the on board computer have?

^^^ Exactly how large was the one small step for man?

^^^^ Who was the second man on the moon?

^^^^^ What threw the module's landing site off by four miles?

May Peace Prevail on Earth of the Week: Spanish - Que la paz prevalezca en la tierra

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: During the summer 35% of librarians take up smoking just so they can go outside regularly to defrost. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants" Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" Zoo Keeper: "Don't be silly, he can't read!"

..........The morning lake drinks up the sky.........Cat Stevens …..Katmandu

Moonbeam: A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding. --Marshal McLuhan

Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Ko na mauri – Kiribati (Micronesia)

Week of the Week: Everybody Deserves a Massage Week (July 16-22) – Massage is the answer – who cares what the question is.

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the
animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you have the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

..........A fool I'll always be.........Kay Starr …..Foolin' Around

^ The moon landing was Apollo 11.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 21, 2017. The moon will be new on Monday. It is Legal Drinking Age Day and No Pet Store Puppies Day. In Belgium it is Independence Day (1831) and Guam celebrates Liberation Day (1944).

Among those born on this day were Victor Schoelcher (1804), Paul Julius Baron von Reuter (1816), Louise Blanchard Bethune (1856), Frances Folsom Cleveland (1864), Frances Parkinson Keyes (1885), Ernest Hemmingway (1899), Hart Crane (1899), Marshall McLuhan (1911), Isaac Stern (1920), Kay Starr (1922), Don Knotts (1924), Cat Stevens (1947), Robin Williams (1951), and Jon Lovitz (1957).

On July twenty-first the English defeated the Spanish armada (1588), Belgium gained independence from the Netherlands (1831), the first Canadian railroad opened (1836), Jesse James robbed his first train (1873), the National Federation of Afro-American Women & the Colored Women's League merged to form National Association of Colored Women (1896), Spain ceded Guam to the US (1898), Jenatzy set a world auto speed reocrd at 65.79 MPH (1904), the US Veterans Administration was established (1930), the Soviet Union annexed Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania (1940), the senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty (1946), Althea Gibson became the first black to win a major US tennis tournament (1957), Gus Grissom was launched in the Mercury 4 (1961), Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon (1969), Billy Martin was fired as the Texas Rangers manager (1975), the national Women's Hall of Fame was dedicated (Seneca Falls, NY, 1979), and Pink Floyd performed "The Wall" where the Berlin Wall had once stood (1990).

Night Sky, 7/21: Starry Scorpius is sometimes called "the Orion of Summer" for its brightness and its prominent red supergiant (Antares in the case of Scorpius, Betelgeuse for Orion). But Scorpius is a lot lower in the south than Orion for those of us at mid-northern latitudes. That means Scorpius has only one really good evening month, July.

This Week: Saturday, July 22 – National Day of the Cowboy & Casual Pi Day

Sunday, July 23 – Hot Enough For Ya Day & Gorgeous Grandma Day

Night Sky, 7/23: We're only a third of the way through summer, but already W-shaped Cassiopeia, a constellation better known for fall and winter evenings, is climbing up in the north-northeast as evening grows late. And the Great Square of Pegasus, emblem of fall, comes up to balance on one corner just over the eastern horizon.

Monday, July 24 – Cousins Day & Tell An Old Joke Day

Tuesday, July 25 – Hire a Veteran Day & Red Shoe Day

Night Sky, 7/25:With the advance of summer, the Sagittarius Teapot, in the south after dark now, is starting to tilt and pour from its spout to the right. The Teapot will tilt farther and farther for the rest of the summer.

Wednesday, July 26 – Bagelfest Day & One Voice Day

Night Sky, 7/26: The first "star" you're likely to see coming out after sunset this month is bright Jupiter, in the southwest. Once you find it, examine the sky 30° above it (three fists at arm's length) for Arcturus, two magnitudes fainter.

Thursday, July 27 – National Chili Dog Day & Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day

A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages "An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper. "Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply. "A moose!!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size of elephants over there !"

..........wine for the women who made the rain come.........Cat Stevens …..Tea for the Tillerman

^^ The Apollo 11 computers had less processing power than a cellphone.

Funniest thing I read of the Week: The KKK: Helping white men with small penises feel powerful since 1865! --submitted by jp

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Camp NeCon – Northeastern Writer's Conference (July 20-23, St. Paul, MN) http://campnecon.com/

Moonbeam: One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper pattern at the right moment. --Hart Crane

Late Night Snacks: One thing President Drumpf definitely did watch was his son Junior's interview with Sean Hannity last night on Fox News. Drumpf said his son was "open, transparent, and innocent." That's three lies in four words. That's a new record! --Jimmy Kimmel / Republican House Speaker Paul Ryan is calling for stronger sanctions against Russia for its election meddling. Ryan said, “We must keep Russia out of our elections until we need them again in 2018.” --Conan O'Brien / So at this point, I would like to issue a formal apology. I'd like to apologize to Eric Trump. We always thought you were the dumb one, and we were wrong. --Stephjen Colbert

Not So Late Night Snacks: This week Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, said that he would like to bring back the anti-drug program, D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) There is just something about Jeff Sessions; he loves organizations that are primarily known by their initials. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me

You cannot find peace by avoiding life. --Virginia Woolf

A real life story. I was at the zoo with my young son. We were outside the lion's den. The female lion was lying on a bed looking incredibly bored. The male lion was pacing the cage, roaring now and again. It was nearly feeding time and he would go to the little window into the interior of the building and roar for them to hurry up and then he would pace some more. Needless to say, a crowd gathered watching his stomp and roar. Finally, a tub of small chunks of raw meat was shoved through the feeding window. The female lion stood up, walked over to the male lion, raised her paw and swatted him across the ear. The male lion went over and sat on the bed while the female lion ate lunch. The crowd loved it.

..........But my heart seems to know where I belong.........Kay Starr …..I've Change My Mind a Thousand Times

^^^ The "one small step for man" wasn't actually that small. Armstrong set the ship down so gently that its shock absorbers didn't compress. He had to hop 3.5 feet from the Eagle's ladder to the surface.

Worthless Fact of the Week: The James gang robbed No 2. Rock Island passenger train at about 8:30 pm. They stole cash from the express messenger and relieved the passengers of their watches, cash and jewelry. It was one of the first recorded train robberies west of the Mississippi and expanded Jesse James and his gang's operations from his specialty of bank holdups to train robbery.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I hope that when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people will just say I was “killed by bears” and leave it at that.

Weird Word of the Week: Rannygazoo – a century-old term, now rare, for a deceptive story of scheme. I’ll hang around for a while just in case friend Pilbeam starts any rannygazoo. Bill the Conqueror, by P G Wodehouse, 1924. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-ran2.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make tangy snow cones. Fill a bowel with newly fallen snow, sprinkle Tang (Just the powder) on top of it and dig in with a spoon. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

...........Did it take long to find me? I asked the faithful light.........Cat Stevens …..Moonshadow

^^^^ When Buzz Aldrin joined Armstrong on the surface, he had to make sure not to lock the Eagle's door because there was no outer handle.

Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Lowering – moving in a downward direction. Anthony and Cleopatra Act I Scene II: Mark Antony: the present pleasure, by revolution lowering, does become the opposite of itself:

Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: A new report, titled Defenders of the Earth, released by Global Witness, shows that nearly four people were murdered every week in 2016 “protecting their land and the natural world from industries like mining, logging and agribusiness.” According to the report, activists defending their land and the environment face not only murder, but death threats, arrests, sexual assault and aggressive legal tactics. Details

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck and his faithful companion Pax howling at rabbits in the case of the Dogged Dogo Argentio.

One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

..........they called us birds of a feather.........Kay Starr …..Second Fiddle

^^^^^ When Apollo 11's lunar lander, the Eagle, separated from the orbiter, the cabin wasn't fully depressurized, resulting in a burst of gas equivalent to popping a champagne cork. It threw the module's landing four miles off-target.

Month of the Week: July is National Horseradish Month – A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."

Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Georgia - Wormsloe Historic Site - A breathtaking avenue sheltered by live oaks and Spanish moss leads to the tabby ruins of Wormsloe, the colonial estate of Noble Jones (1702–1775). https://www.yelp.com/biz/wormsloe-historic-site-savannah

Today's Peace of History: July 21, 1954: Major world powers, meeting in Geneva, Switzerland reached agreement on the terms of a ceasefire in Indochina, ending nearly 8 years of war.

..........Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train.........Cat Stevens …..Peace Train

Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle July 21, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ No news. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Repeal And Replace Congress !!

Moonbeam: Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. --Ernest Hemingway

Cost of War:

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/20/17: $778,080,229,526.

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/13/17: $777,410,282,930.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/20/17: $820,672,418,669.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/13/17: $820,652,840,583.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/20/17: $15,966,545,081.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/13/17: $15,863,602,511.

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/20/17: $155,035,216,728

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/13/17: $154,462,425,235.

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/20/17: $1,774,696,189,513.

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/13/17: $1,773,297,286,080.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” --Desmond Tutu

..........Please don't ever go away.........Kay Starr …..Bonaparte's Retreat

The only creature on earth whose natural habitat is a zoo is the zookeeper. --Robert Brault / The zoo board didn't invite the giraffe to the opening ceremonies because he is such a pain in the neck.

Famous Last Words: ...all in all you were all just bricks in the wall. --Pink Floyd

May Peace be your Extended Module

And Joy your Roving Vehicle

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle eXposed

Famous First Words: Careful, it's going to get cheesy... --Mac and Cheese Day Website

It is International Nude Day. A flying saucer results when a nudist spills coffee. / Never cook bacon when you're naked.

..........Way down yonder in the Indian Nation.........Woody Guthrie …..Oklahoma Hills

Peace is not unity in similarity but unity in diversity, in the comparison and conciliation of differences. --Mikhail Gorbachev

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky is lush and textured and beautiful; the topmost layer is blue, blue sky which is nearly all covered with cumulus bubbling up and catching a top glow from the rising sun. I can see this here and there where breaks in the lower level of smeared moisture allow; and below some gray wisps float unattached. The world smells of damp soil and soggy foliage and wet pavement. Each tree leaf sports a diamond water drop dangling from its point. Puck would not even venture out, doing his business and asking to go back inside. So the rabbit and I converse; we don't generally get to do with with Puck around cleansing the backyard of local wildlife. We listen to the birdsong, the rabbit and I; it is spirited and varied but still in the little woods across the street or down the block, not at the feeders. The only birds I see are flying high in a manner that suggest they have business somewhere soon. I breathe in the greenness and the moisture and let it out slowly. It is only thoughts of you and sweet, creamy coffee that pull me back inside to sit down and send this to you.

Hope your weekend is dressed to the nines, ePistliers

A naked person fears no pickpocket. / Always swim naked, sharks hate to peel their food.

..........Gettin' out of that old dust bowl.........Woody Guthrie …..Do Re Mi

Trivia Questions:

^ What was the Bastille, anyway?

^^ Who stormed it?

^^^ Why?

^^^^ How many prisoners were in the Bastille at the time?

^^^^^ Did anyone die during the action?

May Peace Prevail on Earth of the Week: Möge frieden auf erden sein - German

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 100% of library computer systems are designed to ensure all the items a patron has placed on hold come in on the same day. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Bare butts are cool. / Anne is a strict nudist; she won't even put dressing on her salad.

..........This world was lucky to see him born.........Woody Guthrie …..Dear Mrs. Roosevelt

Moonbeam: Trust in God – she will provide. --Emmeline Pankhurst

Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Muraho – Kinyarwanda (Rwanda)

Week of the Week: National Ventriloquism Week (July 12-15) – You know, not everyone appreciates ventriloquism; for instance my urologist.

Admit it, a harp is a nude piano. / A Buddhist Nudist practices yoga bare.

..........Stick some bubble gum in my mouth.........Woody Guthrie …..Mail Myself to You

^ The Bastille was a fortress built in the late 1300s to protect Paris during the Hundred Years' War. By the late 1700s, the Bastille was mostly used as a state prison by King Louis XVI.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 14, 2017. The moon will be last quarter on Sunday and is in Aries. It is International Nude Day, National Macaroni & Cheese Day, Robin Hood Days, Shark Awareness Day, and Bastille Day in France, Guiana, Polynesia, Guadel, and Martinique. In Iran it is Appointment of the Prophet and in Iraq it is Republic Day. Senegal celebrates African Community Day. Because it is the second Friday in July it is also Collector Car Appreciation Day and National Motorcycle Day.

Among those born on this day were Andrea del Sarto (1486), James Abbott McNeill Whistler (1834), Emmeline Pankhurst (1858), Gustav Klimt (1862), Owen Ister (1869), Ossip Zadkine (1890), Irving Stone (1903), Woodrow Wilson Guthrie (1912), Gerald Ford (1913), Frances Lear (1923), Harry Dean Stanton (1926), John Chancellor (1927), Polly Bergen (19320), Roosevelt Grier (1932), Chris Cross (1952), and Princess Victoria (1977).

On July fourteenth the citizens of Paris stormed the Bastille prison (1789), opium was exempted from federal tariff duty (1832), postage stamps began provisionally used (NYC, 1845), machine made ice was first demonstrated (1850), the first Industrial Exposition opened (NYC, 1853), Goddard patented his first liquid fueled rocket design (1914), the first commercial air flight landed in Hawaii (1927), Citation became the first horse to win a million dollars (1951), Greyhound bought Trailways for $80 million, and Steve Miller received a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame (1987).

Night Sky, 7/14: Mercury is having a poor apparition low in evening twilight this month. But it's bright enough (magnitude –0.2 this evening) that you can pick it up anyway if the air is good and clear. One hour after sunset, as twilight is fading deeper and the stars are coming out, you'll find the two brightest stars of summer, Vega and Arcturus, high overhead equally far from the zenith: Vega toward the east, and Arcturus toward the southwest (depending on your location).

This Week: Saturday, July 15 – Be a Dork Day & National Give Something Away Day

Night Sky, 7/15: The tail of Scorpius is low in the south after darkness is complete ... the farther south, the higher. Look for the two stars especially close together in the tail. These are Lambda and fainter Upsilon Scorpii, known as the Cat's Eyes. They're canted at an angle; the cat is tilting his head and winking.

Sunday, July 16 – National Ice Cream Day & Hot Dog Night

Night Sky, 7/16: Venus shines brightly in the east before and during dawn. Aldebaran, much fainter, is about 5° below Venus. Mars is lost behind the glare of the Sun.

Monday, July 17 – Global Hug Your Kid Day & Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Night Sky, 7/17: Jupiter (in Virgo) shines showily in the southwest to west during evening. Spica glitters 10° left of it. Uranus (in Pisces) and Neptune (in Aquarius) await high in the southeastern side of the sky before the beginning of dawn.

Tuesday, July 18 – Nelson Mandela International Day & National Caviar Day

Wednesday, July 19 – National Hot Dog Day & Take Your Poet to Work Day

Night Sky, 7/19: Saturn glows steadily in the south during and after dusk. Fiery Antares, less bright, twinkles to Saturn's right or lower right. Delta Scorpii, the third brightest object in the area, catches the eye half as far to the upper right of Antares.

Thursday, July 20 – Moon Day & World Jump Day 

..........Your poll tax and Jim Crow and greed has got to go.........Woody Guthrie …..All You Fascists

^^ The revolutionaries who stormed the Bastille were mostly craftsmen and store owners who lived in Paris. They were members of a French social class called the Third Estate. There were around 1000 men who participated in the attack.

Funniest thing I read of the Week: ---submitted by rhb of ks 

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConGregate 4 / DeepSouthCon 55: July 14-16, High Point, North Carolina. http://www.con-gregate.com/

Moonbeam: I have made speeches urging women to adopt methods of rebellion such as have been adopted by men in every revolution. --Emmeline Pankhurst

Stale Late Night Snacks: New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird. --Jimmy Fallon / Apparently Drumpf was unsure about the guy he was choosing for vice president all the way down to the wire. They say he wanted to dump Gov. Mike Pence at midnight the night before the announcement — which would have made him a Pence dispenser. --Jimmy Kimmel / The Republican National Convention is next week. Quick programming note — the "Late Show" will be live every single night. So tune in for a mockery of our political system — and then watch the "Late Show!" --Stephen Colbert / In California, a man playing Pokémon Go was stabbed. The man said, "It was terrifying, my lack of a life flashed before my eyes." --Conan O'Brien / Today was National Hotdog Day and to celebrate, Donald Drumpf spent a few hours on the rollers at 7-Eleven to work on his color. --Seth Meyers / Donald Drumpf has selected mega-star Scott Baio to speak at the convention. I will give you a minute to Google who that is. To tell you how irrelevant Scott Baio is, I had to have his name phonetically spelled in the teleprompter because it looks like "by-o." --James Corden --All late night snacks are left over from a year ago.

Diversity drives innovation – when we limit who can contribute, we in turn limit what problems we can solve. --Telle Whitney

Sign in the office of a clothing optional resort: Clothed for the Winter. / No, no, I said a Buddhist colony.

..........But in my life of peace your dark illusions fall.........Woody Guthrie …..Peace Call

^^^ The Third Estate had recently made demands of the king and had demanded that the commoners have more of a say in government. They were worried that he was preparing the French army for an attack. In order to arm themselves, they first took over the Hotel des Invalides in Paris where they were able to get muskets. However, they didn't have gun powder.

Worthless Fact of the Week: The first stamp issues by NY Post Office is called the New York Postmaster's Provisional. It sold for 5 cents. It featured a picture of George Washington. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Postmaster's_Provisional

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Evil Queens are just Disney Princesses who worked in Customer Service too long. --Submitted by ss of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Piepowder - “Tolkienesque” Dustyfoot. From the original Anglo-French pied-poudreux, dusty feet. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-pie1.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Dissolve a wart. Make a paste from Tang and water, apply to the wart and cover with a Band-Aid bandage to hold it in place. Repeat daily until the wart disappears. The asorbic acid can kill wart-producing virus, and together with the citric acid in the Tang will slowly dissolve it. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html

Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. / The elephant sneered at the nudist and asked, “Can you breathe through that?”

...........He loved you in the sand hills before your great fame.........Woody Guthrie …..Belle Starr

^^^^ There were only seven prisoners in the Bastille at the time. They were set free after the attack. Four of them were convicted forgers.

Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Lonely – without companions; solitary. Coriolanus Act IV Scene I – Coriolanus: ...though I go alone, like to a lonely dragon, that his fen makes fear'd and talk'd of more than seen – your son.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read: Man on train: Kansas, eh? I'm afraid of tornadoes. How do the warning sirens work? Me: A better gauge is to watch a local on their front porch. If they set down their beer, it's time to go to the basement. --submitted by mj of ks

Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: Monterrey Bay Aquarium – Sea Otter Cam. The southern sea otters in our Sea Otters exhibit love to play with toys, lounge in ice buckets or just snooze. We feed them four times a day, often putting the food in toys to stimulate the otters' natural behavior of pounding and working to get food out of shells. http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals-and-experiences/live-web-cams/sea-otter-cam

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck posing in profile for the case Dreadlocks for Dandy Dinmont.

The best reason for going to work naked is your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 6 am”. / If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? --George Carlin

..........There's a great and peaceful river in a land that's fair to see.........Woody Guthrie …..Roll, Columbia, Roll

^^^^^ Ninety-eight attackers and one defender died in the fighting.

Month of the Week: July is the month of the Tour de France --A large black dog crossing the road in front of Tour de France riders has caused a crash in Friday’s stage of the race. And somewhere a French cat is sitting in the sun smirking and thinking “chien fou.”

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tax all the churches to pay for universal healthcare. It's what God would have wanted. --Submitted by fb of az

Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Florida: Caladesi Island State Park --As one of the few completely natural islands along Florida´s Gulf Coast, Caladesi´s white sand beaches were rated America's Best Beach in 2008. Beach lovers can enjoy swimming, sunbathing and beach combing. Saltwater anglers can cast a line from their boats or surf fish. Nature enthusiasts can spot wildlife while hiking the three mile nature trail through the island’s interior or paddling a three mile kayak trail through the mangroves and bay. Picnic tables and shelters are located near the beach, and picnic pavilions can be reserved for a fee. Images

Today's Peace of History, July 14, 1955: The Air Pollution Control Act of 1955 became law, the first in a series of laws that ultimately became the Clean Air Act in 1963.

  "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

..........And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling.........Woody Guthrie …..This Land Is Your Land

Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle July 14, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ blab, blab, blab. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth.

Moonbeam: We have to free half of the human race, the women, so that they can help free the other half. --Emmeline Pankhurst

Cost of War:

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/13/17: $777,410,282,930.

Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 7/6/17: $776,751,661,012.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/13/17: $820,652,840,583.

Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 7/6/17: $820,633,591,704.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/13/17: $15,863,602,511.

Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 7/6/17: $15,762,373,063.

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/13/17: $154,462,425,235.

Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 7/6/17: $153,899,168,149.

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/13/17: $1,773,297,286,080.

Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 7/6/17: $1,771,921,830,147.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/

Unity is the secret of social progress, and service to society is the means to promote it. --Sri Sathya Sal Baba

..........Goodbye to my Juan, goodbye, Rosalita.........Woody Guthrie …..Deportee aka Plane Wreck at Los Gatos

How can you identify Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony? He's the one with the sesame seed buns.

Famous Last Words: This is John Chancellor, somewhere in custody. --after his arrest at the Republican National Convention (1964) for refusing to cede his spot on the floor to “Goldwater Girls”.

May Peace be your quilt

And Joy be your blanket

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: