Pointless ePistle

 Famous First Words: CHARLES THE SECOND, by the grace of God... --Rhode Island Royal Charter 1663

Two cows were standing by the roadside chewing cud. The cow on the left said, “Have you heard about this mad cow disease?” The cow on the right answered, “Yeah, makes me glad I'm a penguin.” / Always count your cows with a cow-culator. ~This is the pointless epistle, it sports no theme or unifying principle...just jokes.

..........the world is bright all right.........Fanny Brice …..My Man (1910)

Education is the most powerful weapon which you have to change the world. --Nelson Mandela

It is a fabulous Friday morning. The sky is pure azure with only tiny puffs of cloud moving swiftly from the west up to the east. 76°F is a nearly perfect temperature. There are gusts of wind that flow willy-nilly across the world. Puck and I stand still on the sidewalk quarter block from the intersection feeling no wind at all while the cottonwoods at the end of the block giggle as they are tickled by the breeze, every leaf shaking with laughter. Puck sits in the shade and watches the recycle truck come by to carry away our waste. The sound of the truck and its mechanical arms drown out the birdsong that makes – now unheard - music in every range and style. Puck, who is walking less these days, watches the recycling truck leave the block and then heads back toward the house. Sidewalks are still littered with empty fireworks casings and are still stained with burn marks. We reach home and go through the various homecoming rituals – taking off the halter and leash, discarding any used doggy bags, hanging up my doggy bag for carrying doggy bags. Puck settles under my desk, right where my feet want to rest. I fix a cup of the coffee that has been wonderfully filling the house with the enticing smell of not quite caffeine; it makes the house reek of morning and new starts and things to be done. So now I sit and sip; think and type. Good morning, welcome to the weekend.

Hope the point of your weekend is fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of...it will be misspelled and have no punctuation. --Submitted by bc of tx

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? She'll stop at nothing to avoid them. / Koalas aren't actual bears because they don't meet the koalafications.

..........they go together in sunny weather.........Al Jolson …..A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody (1936)

Trivia Questions: Happy Liberty Bell Day !

• ^ What was the original name of the bell?
• ^^ Do you have any idea what size it is?
• ^^^ What do you know about the composition of metal?
• ^^^^ How was the Liberty Bell celebrated at the Centennial Celebration in Philadelphia, 1876?
• ^^^^^ Which national company included the Liberty Bell in a giant April Fool's prank in 1996?

Big Hello: Hallo – Faroese https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Powerball Jackpot tonight is 1 tank of gas, 6 rolls of toilet paper, and a sheet of 1/2” plywood.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and Mom in a double ride

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 78% of future librarians were the only kids in their third grade class trusted by the school librarian to use the due date stamp https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Yesterday I spilled my whole set of scrabble tiles. Hannah laughed and asked me, “What the word on the street” / Once I spilled my whole set of scrabble tiles on the floor and Puck ate them. Then he kept leaving little messages all over the house.

..........Silvery moon is shining through the trees..........Doris Day …..By The Light of the Silvery Moon (1909)

Moonbeam: The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability. --John D. Rockefeller

Meditation of the Week: Can we really know anything? --Immanuel Kant

Puzzle of the Week: It's a riddle from Greg Van Mechelen, of Berkeley, Calif. How old was Reverend Spooner when he found happiness? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/3/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My ideal summer body is one that I have complete control over. --Submitted by jm of ks

Week of the Week: Running of the Bulls (7-14) --Two supreme court justices and Boris Johnson were gored in the Running of the Bulls this year. Even animals are sick of white people running things.

I'm opening a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu; you get what you deserve. / Bees have sticky hair because they use honeycombs.

..........Then he drops both his oars.........Ada Jones …..Row Row Row (1912)

^ The bell was originally known as the State House Bell. In the late 1830s, it acquired the name of the Liberty Bell when it became a symbol of the anti-slavery movement.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 8, 2022. The moon was in the first quarter last Wednesday (7/6) and is in Scorpio. It is Liberty Bell Day. Math 2.0 Day, SCUD Day (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama), Taos Pueblo Pow Wow, and Wayne Chicken Days. Because it is the second Friday it is also Collector Car Appreciation Day.

Among those born on this day were Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin (1838), John D. Rockefeller (1839), Ernst Bloch (1885), Alec Waugh (1898), George W. Romney (1907), Nelson A. Rockefeller (1908), Walter Kerr (1913), Billy Eckstine (1914), Charles Hard Townes (1915), Faye Emerson (1917), Nelson Mandela (1918), Marty Feldman (1933), Steve Lawrence (1935), Kim Darby (1948), Anjelica Huston (1951), and Jonathan Segal (1953).

On July eighth Rhode Island was granted a charter (Charles II, 1663), the first US passport was issued (1796), Blount became the first impeached senator (TN, 1797), the Liberty Bell cracked - again (1835), registration of trademarks was authorized (1870), the Wall Street Journal began publishing (1889), the American Psychological Association was organized (1892), William Jennings Bryan gave his "cross of gold" speech (1896), the first Ziegfeld Follies was staged (1907), Billie Jean King swept Wimbledon (singles, doubles & mixed, 1967), Hyderdahl on the Ra II landed in Barbados (57 days from Morocco, 1969), Sabra Starr finished the world longest recorded belly dance (100 hours, 1977), and NASA established Safety, Reliability Maintain & Quality Assurance (1986).

Night Sky, 7/8: Titan, largest moon of Saturn, with a thick atmosphere, will occult a star of similar brightness on Saturday morning, July 9. The occultation will be visible from much of North America; the southern limit crosses northwestern South America. Here's the 411

Image of the Week: The Kansas Replica of the Liberty Bell Made entirely of wheat.

This Week: Saturday, July 9 – Bald Is In Day & Grange Day & National No Bra Day

Sunday, July 10 – Teddy Bears' Picnic Day & Kitten Day & Piña Colada Day

Night Sky, 7/10: The Big Dipper, high in the northwest after dark, is turning around to "scoop up water" through the evenings of summer and early fall. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Monday, July 11 – Cheer Up the Lonely Day & Make Your Own Sundae Day & World Population Day

Tuesday, July 12 – Different Colored Eyes Day & Simplicity Day

Wednesday, July 13 – Embrace Your Geekness Day & World Cup Soccer Day

Night Sky, 7/113: Mars and Jupiter, very different at magnitudes +0.4 and –2.5 respectively, rise after midnight and shine in the east-southeast before and during early dawn. Mars is about two fists to Jupiter's lower left. They continue to move apart, week by week.

Thursday, July 14 – Bastille Day & International Nude Day

Talk about mixed emotions, I was a claustrophobic space cadet. / If you want to throw a rockin' space party you have to planet.

..........Ev'ry beautiful rose, ev'ry violet knows.........Charles Harrison …..Peg O' My Heart (1913)

^^ The Liberty Bell weighs 2,080 pounds. The yoke weighs about 100 pounds. From lip to crown, the Bell measures three feet. The circumference around the crown measures six feet, 11 inches, and the circumference around the lip measures 12 feet.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My girlfriend just complimented me on my personality. I didn't have the heart to tell her it's a disorder. --Submitted by NS

Moonbeam: The best thing about religion is that it makes for heretics. --Ernst Bloch

Video of the Week: The math problem through the decades. A short, funny video Funny Math Lesson - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The next time we hear about ketchup running down the wall: Mayor McCheese flies into a rage after hearing Grimace has been democratically elected the new leader of McDonaldland. --Josh Gondelman Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/2/22

Overcoming poverty is not a task of charity, it is an act of justice. --Nelson Mandela

Average products are manufactured in the satisFactory. / Talk is not cheap; have you ever talked to a lawyer?

..........Cocaine don't make me lazy.........Bert Williams …..Ain't Nobody's Business but My Own (1919)

^^^ The Liberty Bell is composed of approximately 70 percent copper, 25 percent tin, and traces of lead, zinc, arsenic, gold, and silver. The Bell is suspended from what is believed to be its original yoke, made of American elm.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. I guess that makes me an eighth-theist. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Weird Word of the Week: Volvelle – a calculation device consisting of concentric moveable circles. World Wide Words: Volvelle

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie meets the hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer

Wacky Uses for Common Products:  Sigh. We have been doing Arm & Hammer Baking Soda for 6 months. It's time to move on. I already skipped a bunch that were sprinkle-it-on to refresh and lumped together several deodorize-with-it. Now they have several add-it-to-your regular whatever when you wash whatever it is. No. We are done with Arm & Hammer. --Next week we will examine uses for Aunt Jemima Original Pancake Syrup.

Did you know, you can drown a hipster in the mainstream. / Frogs wear open-toad sandals.

...........You forgive my childish ways.........Whispering Jack Smith …..Funny Face (1927)

^^^^ In 1876, the United States celebrated the Centennial in Philadelphia with a display of replica Liberty Bells from each state. Pennsylvania’s display bell was made out of sugar.

The Kansas Bell was made of wheat and is still on display in Mennonite Heritage Museum, Goessel, Kansas.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A joke walks into a bar and bites a man on the ass. He still doesn't get it. --Submitted by db of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Imaginarium 2022 (8-10, Louisville, KY) –- A convention for creatives of all genres. Imaginarium Convention – A Convention for Creatives of All Genres – Louisville, Kentucky – July 8-10, 2022 (entertheimaginarium.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Conference on Information: Theoretic Cryptography (5-7, Boston, MA) Please join us for the Charles River Crypto Day immediately following ITC on Friday, July 8! Information-Theoretic Cryptography Conference (itcrypto.github.io)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Fifty-nine (which, when spoonerized, is nifty + fine)

Charles Dickens opened a spice company that specialized in the best of thymes and the worst of thymes. / Did you hear about the kidnapping at Kennedy School. He slept through math class.

..........She'll tackle many a storm.........June Allyson …..Leave It to Jane (1917)

^^^^^ As an April Fool's Day joke in 1996, Taco Bell ran a full-page advertisement in national newspapers claiming to have purchased the Liberty Bell. The stunt made national headlines.

My Own Writing of the Week: When I went away to college, I met and mated a steady stream of boys with whom sex was boring and dull, excruciatingly monotonous, mind-mindbogglingly repetitive, and sometimes painfully embarrassing. I am sure this grim gauntlet discouraged a lot of would-be bad girls and likely caused many others to embrace lesbianism...both general and deeply latent. But, damn, I still liked it.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time. --Tallulah Bankhead

--Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: The number one reason why America never learns from its history is because America never teaches its real history. --Tamorah Shareef Muhammad

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?

Today's Peace of History, July 8, 1996: The International Court Of Justice declared that, in almost all circumstances, use of nuclear weapons is illegal.

The clownfish's primary defense is that it tastes funny. / Humpty Dumpty had a great fall to make up for his lousy summer.

..........Each time I hear a strain of Stravinsky's............Ethel Merman …..Red Hot and Blue (1936)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 8, 2022, Pointless ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: He had delusions of adequacy. --Walter Kerr

• Cost of War:
• As of 7/07/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $182,218,274,899.
• As of 6/30/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,649,032,856.
• As of 7/07/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,068,057,670,418.
• As of 6/30/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,066,467,789,147.
• As of 7/07/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,633,483,712.
• As of 6/30/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,015,210,867.
• As of 7/07/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,521,409,127,264.
• As of 6/30/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,509,359,270,739.
• As of 7/07/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,970,617,957,452.
• As of 6/30/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,969,410,810,384.
• As of 7/07/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,851,943,709,216.
• As of 6/30/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,835,906,616,546.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

It always seems impossible until it's done. --Nelson Mandela

Famous Last Words: ...you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold. --William Jennings Bryan

..........I'm always thinking of you.........Eddie Cantor …..Margie (1920) ~~All of today's songs are from various Ziegfeld Follies presentations.

I said some mean things to Judy when she said I was stupid but I sent her an apology written in dots and dashes, Re-morse code. / The scarecrow won his award for being outstanding in his field.

May Peace guide your steps

And Joy set your itinerary

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Submitted by aeb of kc

ePistle in the gRass

 Famous First Words: When in the course of human events... US Declaration of Independence

July is Picnic Month! When Larry, the baby llama, asked if they could go for a picnic, Mama Llama said, “Alpaca lunch”. / Well, eating inside is no picnic.

..........So, honey, don't you fret 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Soul Man

Listen to the pregnant woman. Value her. She values the life growing inside her. Listen to the pregnant woman, and you cannot help but defend her fight to abortion. --Ayelet Waldman

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky ranges from heaps of cumulus in the west to featureless slate gray in the east. Temperature is 77°F without the slightest hint of a breeze; not even a willow branch is moving. Puck barked into the vacuum. I believe he was trying to stir up some motion, anything to interrupt the stillness. Squirrels are very busy this morning, running up and down trees and across lawns. We followed one, but she disappeared over a privacy fence. Birdsong is everywhere...crows in the cottonwood, sparrows in the sprinkler, robins silently searching the grass. We make it to the end of the cul-du-sac and start back home keeping an eye out for more evil squirrels menacing the neighborhood. The house is cool and smells of coffee and cinnamon. So I fix myself a cup – creamy and steamy, and sit down to write to you. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful weekend.

Hope your whole, long weekend is a picnic, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: CNN said the world is 217 trillion dollars in debt...who do we owe? Thanos? --Submitted by INRITH

The Maintain Ants Department keeps picnic pests in good running order. / When we were in California, we decided to have a picnic on the beach. Unfortunately, our waffles fell on the ground. But I'll always remember that sandy Eggo trip.

Frankly, I don't think America deserves a birthday party this year.

..........That hard headed woman of mine..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..She Caught the Katy

Trivia Questions: Comiskey Park would have turned 112 today.

• ^ Who was the first team to play the White Sox in Comiskey Park?
• ^^ In what year did Bill Veeck's famous Comiskey Park “exploding scoreboard” debut?
• ^^^ How many World Series were played at Comiskey Park?
• ^^^^ For how many seasons did Comiskey have artificial turf in the infield and natural grass in the outfield?
• ^^^^^ What was the last team to play the White Sox in Comiskey?

Big Hello: Ola! - Extremaduran (Western Spain) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So, to sum up the Supreme Court's week: Life begins at conception and ends in a mass shooting. --Arianna Huffington

Max Picture of the Week: Max wondering why his great grandma thinks he's a foot taller than he really is

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 90% of librarians have a favorite book they will tell you about and a real favorite book they tell no one about. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The official picnic food of COVID-19 is the six-foot hoagie. / It was my first attempt at fixing a wobbly picnic table, but I totally nailed it.

If you drink a fifth on the fourth, don't go forth on the fifth

..........Come on, baby, don't you wanna go..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Sweet Home Chicago

Moonbeam: We learn too much, every day, to be satisfied with yesterday's achievements --Estee Lauder

Meditation of the Week: Why is there anything at all rather than nothing whatsoever? --Gottfried Leibniz

Puzzle of the Week: Think of two famous people — one from business and one from entertainment — whose last names are anagrams of each other. Now take their first names, drop the last letter of each of them, and put the result together, without rearranging, and you'll get the full first name of a famous fictional character. Who are these people? --Sunday Puzzle 6/26/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes I talk to myself and we both laugh. --Submitted by bc of tx

Week of the Week: Roswell Alien Days (1-3) --The aliens at Roswell were just trying to park their ship near a parking meteor. / The UFO crashed into a willow tree and became a crying saucer.

Winnie-the-Pooh, Christopher Robin, and Piglet go for a picnic. Piglet and Christopher Robin are eating sandwiches and swigging root beer, but Pooh isn't eating anything. Well, he was already stuffed. / A young couple was having a picnic on the beach when they were attacked by nesting shorebirds and things took a tern for the worse.

If it's called Independence Day, how come I'm expected to spend it with people?

..........Ain't nothing I'd rather do..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..B Movie Boxcar Blues

^ The St Louis Browns won the park opener 2-0.

Almanac: It is Friday. July 1, 2022. The moon was new last Tuesday (6/28) and is in Leo. It is Canada Day, International Chicken Wing Day, National GSA Employee Day, Second Half of The Year Day. US Postage Stamp Day, and Zip Code Day. In Burundi and Rwanda it is Independence Day (1962) and in Canada it is Dominion Day/Canada Day (1867). Ghana celebrates Republic Day (1960) and Ireland commemorates the Pilgrimage to the Shrine of Blessed Oliver Plunkett. In Somalia it is Union Day/Foundation Day (1960) and in Surinam it is Freedom Day/Labour Day'; while Turkey celebrates Merchant Marine Day.

Among those born on this day were G. W. Leibniz (1646), Jean-Victor Poncelet (1788), George Sand (Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin, 1804), Thomas Green Clemson (1807), Walter White (1810), James M. Cain (1892), Charles Laughton (1899), Irna Phillips (1901), Billy Wyler (1902), Estee Lauder (1908), David Brower (1912), Farley Granger (1925), Imelda Marcos (1930), Leslie Caron (1931), Bobby Day (1932), Jamie Farr (1934), Sydney Pollack (1934), Twyla Tharp (1941), Genevieve Bujold (1942), Debbie Harry (1945), Dan Aykroyd (1952), Carl Lewis (1961), and Princess Di (1961).

On July first the first vote on the Declaration of Independence was taken (1776), John Rutledge became the second chief justice of the Supreme Court (1795), the first US postage stamps went on sale (1847), the first intercollegiate baseball game was played (1859), Congress outlawed polygamy (1862), free postal delivery began in 49 US cities (1863), the US mint in Carson City opened (1869), Prince Edward Island became a real providence (1873), Frederick Douglass was named Minister to Haiti (1889), the Gideon Society was established (1899), Comiskey Park opened (1910), Ike married Mamie (1916), Ghana became a republic (1960), Haleakala National Park was established (HI, 1961), Medicare went into effect (1966), John Lennon held his first full art exhibition (1968), Ms magazine began publishing (1972), the first search and rescue satellite was launched (Kosmos, 1982), and China regained sovereignty of Hong Kong (1997).

Night Sky, 7/1: On the eastern side of the sky, the Summer Triangle holds sway after dark. Its top star is Vega, the brightest on that entire half of the sky. The brightest star to Vega's lower left is Deneb. Farther to Vega's lower right is Altair, with fainter Tarazed just above it. The Milky Way (if you have deep darkness) runs across the Triangle just inside its bottom edge. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The first US stamps issued – a 5¢ Franklin and a 10¢ Washington

This Week: Saturday, July 2 – National Play Outside Day & World UFO Day

Sunday, July 3 – International Plastic Bag Free Day & Stay Out Of The Sun Day

Night Sky, 7/3: In twilight this evening, look west for the waxing Moon. Look left of the Moon for Regulus and above the Moon for slightly fainter Algieba, Gamma Leonis. Binoculars help reveal the color difference between the two stars. Algieba is a wide optical double for binoculars and a much closer true binary (5 arcseconds) for telescopes.

Monday, July 4 – US Independence Day & Lou Gehrig Day & Earth at Aphelion

Tuesday, July 5 – Bikini Day & Thong Day & Work Without Your Hands Day

Wednesday, July 6 – International Kissing Day or World Kiss Day

Night Sky, 7/6: All five naked-eye planets remain lined up in the dawn, in good view for most of this week. From Mercury through Saturn, they run from low in the east-northeast to high in the south as dawn brightens.

Thursday, July 7 – Father-Daughter Take A Walk Together Day & Global Forgiveness Day & Tell The Truth Day

My father would never let us go on a picnic. He refused to eat under trees. He claimed they seem shady. / Yogi Bear went through all those picnic baskets looking for the bear necessities.

Remember, fireworks are much more amazing when you're not staring at your phone.

..........I never, never, never have a place to hide..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Everybody Needs Somebody

^^ 1960: The scoreboard featured fireworks and 35 different sound tapes. Tigers manager Jimmy Dykes was supposed to have said upon seeing the scoreboard in action, "What is this, Disneyland?"

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm so tired of folks running around with a mouth full of scripture and a heart full of hate. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand and sixty. --Imelda Marcos

Video of the Week: A one minute tour Haleakala National Park 4K - Maui, Hawaii - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What will be the next word to be trademarked? Biden will copyright the word Malarkey which is also the name of his cologne slash Joint Liniment --Adam Burke Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/25/22

No woman can call herself free who does not control her own body. --Margaret Sanger

I was thrown out of church after I brought homemade pickle bread to the church picnic. They claimed I was making dill doughs. / I asked my Canadian friend if she'd had a good summer. She said, “Yes, we had a great picnic that afternoon.”

Our cat doesn't like fireworks so we just let her hold sparklers.

..........Here comes my baby, flashing a new gold tooth..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Flip Flop Fly

^^^ Comiskey saw 4 world series: The White Sox played three series at Comiskey; 1) 1917 when the White Sox defeated the New York Giants 4-2 2) 1919 in the infamous Black Sox scandal series when the Cincinnati Reds won 5-3 3) 1959 when the Los Angeles Dodgers defeated the White Sox 4-2. The Chicago Cubs played their 1918 World Series against the Red Sox at Comiskey, with Boston winning in six games

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Gas prices are so high I just saw Dolly Parton carpooling with Jolene. --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Upskilling – increasing the skills of workers through training. World Wide Words: Upskilling

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie in his Championship T-Shirt

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove crayon marks from walls or wallpaper. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, rub gently to avoid messing up the paint or wallpaper, then wipe clean. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

The biggest difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table is that the table can support a family. / I love everything about family picnics except the heat, the food, the flies, and the family.

Let us proudly wave our Chinese made American flags!

...........You better take it easy, this place is hot..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Gimme Some Lovin'

^^^^ For 7 seasons, from 1969 to 1975, Comiskey Park featured an artificial turf infield and a natural grass outfield. For the 1976 season, the infield was converted to natural grass.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nietzsche: When you gaze only into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Marx: That's a mirror, loser. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Roswell Galacticon 2022 (1-3, Roswell, NM) Science Fiction Film Fest. Home | Roswell Galacticon

Favorite Protest Sign of the Week: Regulate Dick Not Jane –wide sky

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Robotics: Science and Systems (6/27 -7/1, NYC) This year, as always, we solicit your best work. Robotics: Science and Systems · A Robotics Conference

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bill GATES + Bob SAGET --> BILBO Baggins

Thanks to Eat Street, ordering Chinese takeout for a picnic is as easy as a wok in the park. / I went to a feminist picnic yesterday, and NOBODY made sandwiches.

Do I have a date for the Independence Day fireworks display? Yes, July 4^th.

..........Have a whole lotta fun..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Going Back to Miami

^^^^^ Chicago won the final game 2-1 against the Seattle Mariners, 1990.

My Own Writing of the Week: I didn't even consider having sex with another person during high school. I didn't have a boyfriend; didn't want all the hassle that seemed to go with it. My friend Dot and our friend Riggs and I hung out as a threesome. We went to the prom together – he bought us matching corsages. The most asked question from my classmates was “Did you know he was taking her too?”. The answer was yes, I went to her house to get dressed. And that was the biggest scandal of my high school career. I thought Riggs was gay. Doesn't seem to have been true. But looking back at my life through the telescope of my own history, I probably thought that because I liked hanging out with him (them, really) but was not ready for romance.

When I finally tried sex with another person, I liked it; awkward and fumbling as it was, it was fun. It didn't have better orgasms; but that didn't matter. So, in the end, deciding whether to be a bad girl was not really a decision. My body had assigned me to a side. --Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: Fear is strange soil. Mainly it grows obedience like corn, which grows in rows and makes weeding easy. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. --Terry Pratchett Small Gods

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life is too short to fold fitted sheets. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, July 1, 1944: A massive general strike and nonviolent protest in Guatemala led to the resignation of dictator Jorge Ubico who had harshly ruled Guatemala for over a decade.

Drunken justices Thomas, Kavanaugh, Barrett, and Roberts went on a picnic. When they discovered they had forgotten the salt, they sent Kavanaugh back to get some. He circled around the car a couple of times and came upon the same group. “Do you guys have any salt?”, he asked. “No,” Thomas answered but we just sent our friend to get some. / Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

May your July 4^th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4^th alcohol consumption

..........At five o'clock it's much too crowded..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Expressway To Your Heart

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 1, 2022, ePistle in the Grass. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: What we want from modern dance is courage and audacity. --Twyla Tharp

Cost of War:

• As of 6/30/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,649,032,856
• As of 6/23/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,087,784,952
• As of 6/30/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,066,467,789,147.
• As of 6/23/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,064,900,159,716.
• As of 6/30/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,015,210,867.
• As of 6/23/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,108,405,575,150.
• As of 6/30/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,509,359,270,739.
• As of 6/23/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,497,475,865,743.
• As of 6/30/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,969,410,810,384.
• As of 6/23/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,968,220,571,
• As of 6/30/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,835,906,616,546.
• As of 6/23/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,820,094,685,917.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The emphasis must not be on the right to abortion but on the right to privacy and reproductive control. --Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Famous Last Words: ...is reserved to the people. Constitution of Ghana

..........Sprinkle goofer dust all around your bed..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..I Don't Know

That movie about the hot dog at the picnic was a real Oscar Weiner. / We got to the park and realized we had not brought any drinks to the picnic. It was soda pressing.

May Peace bless your stars

And Joy heal your stripes

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

eLfin ePistle

 Famous First Words: An ordinance to dissolve the union... Tennessee Secession Law

Happy Faerie Day!! We were so poor the tooth fairy left food stamps under our pillow. / Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Hot Joke: The National Weather Service has just published instructions on how to bake a lasagna in your mailbox.

..........Sweet, wonderful you.........Fleetwood Mac …..You Make Lovin' Fun

Activism is my rent for living on the planet. --Alice Walker

It is a rainy Friday. It is a gentle morning rain falling from a featureless slate gray sky. The whole world smells of rain and dampness. Puck and I walk through the precipitation. I can see how far apart the drops are by the tiny circles they make in the puddles and small streams**. The patch of ground that was, just yesterday, made bare of its bushes and vines is of particular interest to us both. I can clearly see how far back the yard goes and how densely covered it was. Puck can smell places that have never been accessible before. Also this end of the block looks different, looks clean and ready for something. The rain begins to pick up, so we head back to the house. My shoulders are wet and Puck stops to shake off water now and again. The house is warm and smells of coffee. I fix some – ½ n ½ and sweetener -and sit down here at my computer to write to you. What a great morning.

** In one of the Thursday Next novels, Thursday's daughter, Jenny, is working out the math of how we can move between falling raindrops and never get wet. I think it's One Of Our Thursdays Is Missing but I could be wrong.

Hope your weekend is filled with sundew and beebread, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wow, I made it through another day without needing an AR-15. --Submitted by ss of kc

Meditation of the Week: What do you say when God sneezes?

The neighborhood fairies are having a yard sale. Everything is 60% off. That's what I call fair retail. / Not all fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time...” Some start “If my judgeship is confirmed”...

Hot Joke: I just saw a fire hydrant chasing a pack of dogs.

..........Pull out the stops, turn on the light.........Fleetwood Mac …..Morning Rain

Trivia Questions: It is the 513^th Anniversary of Henry the VIII coronation.

• ^ How many of his six wives can you name?
• ^^ Who were Henry's parents?
• ^^^ What two institutions did Henry create that still endure today?
• ^^^^ Which of Henry's children actually ruled England?
• ^^^^^ Next to which wife is Henry buried?

Big Hello: Tere - Estonian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Where do I keep my money? In my memories. --Submitted by bc of tx

Max Picture of the Week: Max and his bare feet with grandma and her Jayhawk socks

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 78% of library chairs are strategically placed one foot further away from the nearest outlet than your charging cord will reach. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The sprite in my backyard had a double major in physics and genealogy. She became the fairy of relativity. / Rapunzel has been removed from the fairy tale shelf and moved to the hairy tale one.

Hot Joke: I bought a loaf of bread and a quart of milk, but when I got home I had toast and yogurt

.........Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.........Fleetwood Mac …..Don't Stop

Moonbeam: History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. --Ambrose Beirce

Puzzle of the Week: Take the last name of a famous 20th-century American. The 5th, 6th, 7th, and 1st, 2nd, and 3rd letters, in that order, name a European capital. Who is the person, and what capital is it? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 6/19/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. --Submitted by ff of ks

Week of the Week: Old Time Fiddlers Week (20-25) --The worst pub I've ever been in was called “The Fiddle”. It was a vile inn. / The Hobbit who plays fiddle at the local pub is known as the Lord of the Strings.

The neighborhood fairies held a Renaissance Carnival on a tiny island in the middle of our koi pond. The admission ticket is a fair fairy faire ferry fare. / The fairy codmother came to our house and granted wishes for every fish in the aquarium.

Hot Joke: My kite crashed and burned,

..........Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice.........Fleetwood Mac …..Gypsy

^ Henry's wives: 1) Catherine of Aragon 2) Anne Boleyn 3) Jane Seymour 4) Anne of Cleves 5) Catherine Howard 6) Katherine Parr

Almanac: It is Friday, June 24, 2022. The moon will be new next Tuesday (28^th) and is in Taurus. It is Celebration of the Senses Day, International Fairy Day or Faerie Day, and Take Your Dog To Work Day. In Europe Midsummer Day is celebrated and Peru celebrates Countryman's Day/Day of the Indian/Dia del Indio. In Zaire it is Constitution Day.

Among those born on this day were E. I. DuPont (1771), John Hughes (1797), Henry Ward Beecher (1813), Gustavus Franklin Swift (1839), Amrose Bierce (1842), Jack Dempsey (1895), Harry Partch (1901), Norman Cousins (1912), Fred Hoyle (1915), John Ciardi (1916), Jack Carter (1923), David McTaggart (1932), Mick Fleetwood (1942), Arthur Brown (1942), Jeff Beck (1944), and Astro (1957).

On June twenty-fourth 10th recorded perihelion of Halley's Comet (451), Eton College was founded (1441), Henry VIII was crowned (1509), Henry VIII divorced Anne of Cleves (4th, 1540), the first republican constitution was adopted in France (1793), Tennessee seceded (11th and last, 1861), Joe DiMaggio hit 2 homeruns in one inning (1936), Hopalong Cassidy debuted (NBC, 1949), Zanaibar became independent (1963), and Resurrection City closed (1968).

Night Sky, 6/24: 40 minutes before sunrise 5 planets will be visible in the sky along with the moon. Mercury, Venus, the moon, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn will appear in their order from the sun. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Resurrection City, 1968 This protest was hosted by the Poor People's Campaign and here is an article about the PPC's event last weekend. Poor People’s Campaign holds Moral March on Washington | WTOP News

This Week: Saturday, June 25 – Day of the Seafarer & Global Beatles Day & National Catfish Day

Sunday, June 26 – America;s Kids Day & Bar Code Day & Harry Potter Day & National Canoe Day

Night Sky, 6/26: After dark, look southeast for orange Antares, "the Betelgeuse of summer." (Both are 1st-magnitude "red" supergiants). Around and upper right of Antares the other, whiter stars of upper Scorpius form their distinctive pattern. The rest of the Scorpion curls down toward the horizon.

Monday, June 27 – Industrial Workers of the World Day & National Sunglasses Day & Celebrate Joy Day

Tuesday, June 28 – International Body Piercing Day & National Logistics Day & Tau Day

Wednesday, June 29 – International Mud Day & World Camera Day

Night Sky, 6/29: This is the time of year when the two brightest stars of summer, Arcturus and Vega, are about equally high overhead soon after dark: Arcturus toward the southwest, Vega toward the east. Arcturus and Vega are 37 and 25 light-years away, respectively. They represent the two commonest types of naked-eye star: a yellow-orange K giant and a white A main-sequence star. They're 150 and 50 times brighter than the Sun, respectively — which, combined with their nearness, is why they dominate the evening sky.

Thursday, June 30 – Asteroid Day & Disabled Veterans Day & NOW (National Organization for Women) Day

The brownie who lives behind our curtains majored in philosophy. We call him ThinkerBell. / A fairy dust what a fairy must.

Hot Joke: It's so hot in Kansas even Kris Kobach's heart is melting.

..........Woman taken by the wind.........Fleetwood Mac …..Rhiannon

^^ Henry VIII was born at Greenwich on 28 June 1491, the second son of Henry VII and Elizabeth of York. He became heir to the throne on the death of his elder brother, Prince Arthur, in 1502 and succeeded in 1509.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My aunt got a divorce and I asked how she felt. She said, “I thought I had an anxiety disorder, but it turns out it was just your uncle. --Amy Silverberg --Submitted by FNOG

Moonbeam: The classroom should be an entrance into the world, not an escape from it. --John Ciardi

Video of the Week: Summer Solstice Blessings - YouTube

Poem of the Week: Roses are red, Limes are Chartreuse, Greg Abbot's a dick, And so is Ted Cruz. --available as a shirt from Frogtee

We can't just hope for a brighter day, we have to work for a brighter day. --Dolly Parton

The hermit fairy in our backyard never showers. She's called StinkerBell. / My neighbor has a fairy with an eating disorder. Her name is Thumbulimia

Hot Joke: Remember to drink lots of water and stay indoors between 11 am and November 4^th.

..........I want to be with you everywhere.........Fleetwood Mac …..Everywhere

^^^ Henry VIII established the Church of England and the Royal Navy.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 2022: The year it was cheaper to smoke grass than to cut it.

Weird Word of the Week: Tautochrone – a curve on which an object falling under gravity will reach the bottom in the same amount of time, no matter from where it starts. World Wide Words: Tautochrone

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and his bare feet with grandma in her Jayhawk socks

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize (a closet, garment storage bags, shoes) Sprinkle or place a whole open box of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda in the bag, the closet, and/or the shoes. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

Fairies never ask for directions; they just wing it. / Vegan fairies tell fairy kales.

Hot Joke: I tried to water the lawn but steam came out of the sprinkler.

...........In that house on the hill.........Fleetwood Mac …..Big Love

^^^^ Henry had a daughter Mary with Catherine of Aragon, Elizabeth with Anne Boleyn, and a son Edward with Jane Seymour. All three children would rule England after Henry’s death, with Elizabeth, the last monarch of the Tudor dynasty, ruling for a celebrated 45 years.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you want to keep your feet on the ground, miss a couple of car payments. --Submitted by rc of kc

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Magic City Con 2022 (24-26, Birmingham, AL) –Featuring the Valhalla Cafe Magic City Convention - Home

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Summer Blast – Super STEM Week: (2024, Topeka, KS) --hands-on activities to encourage engagement with Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. Summer Blast- Super STEM Week! (topekacollegiate.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: (Charles) Lindbergh → Berlin

Cinderella knew this was her real fairy godmother because the new dress had actual, decent-sized pockets in it. / That time when all those fairy tale characters were forced into Shrek's swamp is known in fairy history books as Marsh Madness.

Hot Joke: It's so humid in Kansas people are surfing; they're surfing heat waves

..........Let's give it a try........Fleetwood Mac …..Tell Me Lies

^^^^^ Henry died at Whitehall, England, on January 28, 1547, aged 55. He was buried next to his third wife, Jane Seymour, in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.

My Own Writing of the Week: The worse part of being forced to not like sex was frigidity, which is basically defined as a woman’s inability to have a vaginal orgasm. Good doctors wrote scholarly papers about it and published them in respectable psychology journals. It was declared epidemic and was listed as one of the causes of the breakdown of contemporary marriage and the family unit. {Yes, the family has been disintegrating since at least the 1940s). There were lots of theories...latent lesbianism...god just made them that way. Not a single article suggested that men were simply not very skilled at making love. They should have given us all a copy of that cute little book from the 20s instead of the kotex pamphlet.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it. --Mae West

--Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life. --Fernando Pessoa

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Insane how the US grew up right next to Canada and we turned out like this—it's like when one sibling goes to Harvard and the other dies pantsless in a meth lab explosion. --Emily Murnane --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History, June 24, 1980: A general strike was held in El Salvador against death squads, primarily military or paramilitary units carrying out political assassinations and intimidation as part of the Salvadoran government's counterinsurgency strategy.

Putin asked a fairy: Where will I be in July? The fairy answered: I see you in a limo driving through Kiev. Everyone is cheering. Putin asked, “Am I waving to them?” “No,” the fairy answered, “the coffin is closed”.

Hot Joke: The wasps have removed their yellow jackets and are flying nude.

..........And she's tryin' to make a devil out of me.........Fleetwood Mac …..Black Magic Woman

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 24, 2022, Elfin ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: A library is the delivery room for the birth of ideas, a place where history comes to life. --Norman Cousins

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: When is there going to be a tampon ad that reflexes my point of view? Black single Dad tampon rap: Your body is changing in mysterious ways, It's nature; nature don't play, It happens about every 28 days, Period --Brian Babylon Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/18/22

Cost of War:

• As of 6/23/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,087,784,952
• As of 6/16/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $180,535,170,320
• As of 6/23/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,064,900,159,716.
• As of 6/16/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,063,356,213,834.
• As of 6/23/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,108,405,575,150.
• As of 6/16/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,107,802,163,627.
• As of 6/23/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,497,475,865,743.
• As of 6/16/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,485,713,092,430.
• As of 6/23/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,968,220,571,365.
• As of 6/16/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,967,048,388,785.
• As of 6/23/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,820,094,685,917.
• As of 6/16/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,804,523,483,765.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept. --Angela Davis

Famous Last Words: ...I stepped into the room. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

..........When the moon was full and bright.........Fleetwood Mac …..Tango in the Night

Hot Joke: In Kansas, farmers are giving chickens crushed ice to prevent them from laying hard boiled eggs.

The Fairy Chess master always takes extra minutes to decide her opening move. She wants pawn time. / That fairy who lives under the oak tree is a philosopher. He's always searching for the tooth.

May Peace inform your magic

And Joy educate your mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Submitted by jb of ks