Pointless ePistle

 Famous First Words: CHARLES THE SECOND, by the grace of God... --Rhode Island Royal Charter 1663

Two cows were standing by the roadside chewing cud. The cow on the left said, “Have you heard about this mad cow disease?” The cow on the right answered, “Yeah, makes me glad I'm a penguin.” / Always count your cows with a cow-culator. ~This is the pointless epistle, it sports no theme or unifying principle...just jokes.

..........the world is bright all right.........Fanny Brice …..My Man (1910)

Education is the most powerful weapon which you have to change the world. --Nelson Mandela

It is a fabulous Friday morning. The sky is pure azure with only tiny puffs of cloud moving swiftly from the west up to the east. 76°F is a nearly perfect temperature. There are gusts of wind that flow willy-nilly across the world. Puck and I stand still on the sidewalk quarter block from the intersection feeling no wind at all while the cottonwoods at the end of the block giggle as they are tickled by the breeze, every leaf shaking with laughter. Puck sits in the shade and watches the recycle truck come by to carry away our waste. The sound of the truck and its mechanical arms drown out the birdsong that makes – now unheard - music in every range and style. Puck, who is walking less these days, watches the recycling truck leave the block and then heads back toward the house. Sidewalks are still littered with empty fireworks casings and are still stained with burn marks. We reach home and go through the various homecoming rituals – taking off the halter and leash, discarding any used doggy bags, hanging up my doggy bag for carrying doggy bags. Puck settles under my desk, right where my feet want to rest. I fix a cup of the coffee that has been wonderfully filling the house with the enticing smell of not quite caffeine; it makes the house reek of morning and new starts and things to be done. So now I sit and sip; think and type. Good morning, welcome to the weekend.

Hope the point of your weekend is fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of...it will be misspelled and have no punctuation. --Submitted by bc of tx

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? She'll stop at nothing to avoid them. / Koalas aren't actual bears because they don't meet the koalafications.

..........they go together in sunny weather.........Al Jolson …..A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody (1936)

Trivia Questions: Happy Liberty Bell Day !

• ^ What was the original name of the bell?
• ^^ Do you have any idea what size it is?
• ^^^ What do you know about the composition of metal?
• ^^^^ How was the Liberty Bell celebrated at the Centennial Celebration in Philadelphia, 1876?
• ^^^^^ Which national company included the Liberty Bell in a giant April Fool's prank in 1996?

Big Hello: Hallo – Faroese https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Powerball Jackpot tonight is 1 tank of gas, 6 rolls of toilet paper, and a sheet of 1/2” plywood.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and Mom in a double ride

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 78% of future librarians were the only kids in their third grade class trusted by the school librarian to use the due date stamp https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Yesterday I spilled my whole set of scrabble tiles. Hannah laughed and asked me, “What the word on the street” / Once I spilled my whole set of scrabble tiles on the floor and Puck ate them. Then he kept leaving little messages all over the house.

..........Silvery moon is shining through the trees..........Doris Day …..By The Light of the Silvery Moon (1909)

Moonbeam: The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability. --John D. Rockefeller

Meditation of the Week: Can we really know anything? --Immanuel Kant

Puzzle of the Week: It's a riddle from Greg Van Mechelen, of Berkeley, Calif. How old was Reverend Spooner when he found happiness? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/3/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My ideal summer body is one that I have complete control over. --Submitted by jm of ks

Week of the Week: Running of the Bulls (7-14) --Two supreme court justices and Boris Johnson were gored in the Running of the Bulls this year. Even animals are sick of white people running things.

I'm opening a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu; you get what you deserve. / Bees have sticky hair because they use honeycombs.

..........Then he drops both his oars.........Ada Jones …..Row Row Row (1912)

^ The bell was originally known as the State House Bell. In the late 1830s, it acquired the name of the Liberty Bell when it became a symbol of the anti-slavery movement.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 8, 2022. The moon was in the first quarter last Wednesday (7/6) and is in Scorpio. It is Liberty Bell Day. Math 2.0 Day, SCUD Day (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama), Taos Pueblo Pow Wow, and Wayne Chicken Days. Because it is the second Friday it is also Collector Car Appreciation Day.

Among those born on this day were Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin (1838), John D. Rockefeller (1839), Ernst Bloch (1885), Alec Waugh (1898), George W. Romney (1907), Nelson A. Rockefeller (1908), Walter Kerr (1913), Billy Eckstine (1914), Charles Hard Townes (1915), Faye Emerson (1917), Nelson Mandela (1918), Marty Feldman (1933), Steve Lawrence (1935), Kim Darby (1948), Anjelica Huston (1951), and Jonathan Segal (1953).

On July eighth Rhode Island was granted a charter (Charles II, 1663), the first US passport was issued (1796), Blount became the first impeached senator (TN, 1797), the Liberty Bell cracked - again (1835), registration of trademarks was authorized (1870), the Wall Street Journal began publishing (1889), the American Psychological Association was organized (1892), William Jennings Bryan gave his "cross of gold" speech (1896), the first Ziegfeld Follies was staged (1907), Billie Jean King swept Wimbledon (singles, doubles & mixed, 1967), Hyderdahl on the Ra II landed in Barbados (57 days from Morocco, 1969), Sabra Starr finished the world longest recorded belly dance (100 hours, 1977), and NASA established Safety, Reliability Maintain & Quality Assurance (1986).

Night Sky, 7/8: Titan, largest moon of Saturn, with a thick atmosphere, will occult a star of similar brightness on Saturday morning, July 9. The occultation will be visible from much of North America; the southern limit crosses northwestern South America. Here's the 411

Image of the Week: The Kansas Replica of the Liberty Bell Made entirely of wheat.

This Week: Saturday, July 9 – Bald Is In Day & Grange Day & National No Bra Day

Sunday, July 10 – Teddy Bears' Picnic Day & Kitten Day & Piña Colada Day

Night Sky, 7/10: The Big Dipper, high in the northwest after dark, is turning around to "scoop up water" through the evenings of summer and early fall. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Monday, July 11 – Cheer Up the Lonely Day & Make Your Own Sundae Day & World Population Day

Tuesday, July 12 – Different Colored Eyes Day & Simplicity Day

Wednesday, July 13 – Embrace Your Geekness Day & World Cup Soccer Day

Night Sky, 7/113: Mars and Jupiter, very different at magnitudes +0.4 and –2.5 respectively, rise after midnight and shine in the east-southeast before and during early dawn. Mars is about two fists to Jupiter's lower left. They continue to move apart, week by week.

Thursday, July 14 – Bastille Day & International Nude Day

Talk about mixed emotions, I was a claustrophobic space cadet. / If you want to throw a rockin' space party you have to planet.

..........Ev'ry beautiful rose, ev'ry violet knows.........Charles Harrison …..Peg O' My Heart (1913)

^^ The Liberty Bell weighs 2,080 pounds. The yoke weighs about 100 pounds. From lip to crown, the Bell measures three feet. The circumference around the crown measures six feet, 11 inches, and the circumference around the lip measures 12 feet.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My girlfriend just complimented me on my personality. I didn't have the heart to tell her it's a disorder. --Submitted by NS

Moonbeam: The best thing about religion is that it makes for heretics. --Ernst Bloch

Video of the Week: The math problem through the decades. A short, funny video Funny Math Lesson - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The next time we hear about ketchup running down the wall: Mayor McCheese flies into a rage after hearing Grimace has been democratically elected the new leader of McDonaldland. --Josh Gondelman Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/2/22

Overcoming poverty is not a task of charity, it is an act of justice. --Nelson Mandela

Average products are manufactured in the satisFactory. / Talk is not cheap; have you ever talked to a lawyer?

..........Cocaine don't make me lazy.........Bert Williams …..Ain't Nobody's Business but My Own (1919)

^^^ The Liberty Bell is composed of approximately 70 percent copper, 25 percent tin, and traces of lead, zinc, arsenic, gold, and silver. The Bell is suspended from what is believed to be its original yoke, made of American elm.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. I guess that makes me an eighth-theist. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Weird Word of the Week: Volvelle – a calculation device consisting of concentric moveable circles. World Wide Words: Volvelle

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie meets the hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer

Wacky Uses for Common Products:  Sigh. We have been doing Arm & Hammer Baking Soda for 6 months. It's time to move on. I already skipped a bunch that were sprinkle-it-on to refresh and lumped together several deodorize-with-it. Now they have several add-it-to-your regular whatever when you wash whatever it is. No. We are done with Arm & Hammer. --Next week we will examine uses for Aunt Jemima Original Pancake Syrup.

Did you know, you can drown a hipster in the mainstream. / Frogs wear open-toad sandals.

...........You forgive my childish ways.........Whispering Jack Smith …..Funny Face (1927)

^^^^ In 1876, the United States celebrated the Centennial in Philadelphia with a display of replica Liberty Bells from each state. Pennsylvania’s display bell was made out of sugar.

The Kansas Bell was made of wheat and is still on display in Mennonite Heritage Museum, Goessel, Kansas.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A joke walks into a bar and bites a man on the ass. He still doesn't get it. --Submitted by db of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Imaginarium 2022 (8-10, Louisville, KY) –- A convention for creatives of all genres. Imaginarium Convention – A Convention for Creatives of All Genres – Louisville, Kentucky – July 8-10, 2022 (entertheimaginarium.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Conference on Information: Theoretic Cryptography (5-7, Boston, MA) Please join us for the Charles River Crypto Day immediately following ITC on Friday, July 8! Information-Theoretic Cryptography Conference (itcrypto.github.io)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Fifty-nine (which, when spoonerized, is nifty + fine)

Charles Dickens opened a spice company that specialized in the best of thymes and the worst of thymes. / Did you hear about the kidnapping at Kennedy School. He slept through math class.

..........She'll tackle many a storm.........June Allyson …..Leave It to Jane (1917)

^^^^^ As an April Fool's Day joke in 1996, Taco Bell ran a full-page advertisement in national newspapers claiming to have purchased the Liberty Bell. The stunt made national headlines.

My Own Writing of the Week: When I went away to college, I met and mated a steady stream of boys with whom sex was boring and dull, excruciatingly monotonous, mind-mindbogglingly repetitive, and sometimes painfully embarrassing. I am sure this grim gauntlet discouraged a lot of would-be bad girls and likely caused many others to embrace lesbianism...both general and deeply latent. But, damn, I still liked it.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time. --Tallulah Bankhead

--Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: The number one reason why America never learns from its history is because America never teaches its real history. --Tamorah Shareef Muhammad

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?

Today's Peace of History, July 8, 1996: The International Court Of Justice declared that, in almost all circumstances, use of nuclear weapons is illegal.

The clownfish's primary defense is that it tastes funny. / Humpty Dumpty had a great fall to make up for his lousy summer.

..........Each time I hear a strain of Stravinsky's............Ethel Merman …..Red Hot and Blue (1936)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 8, 2022, Pointless ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: He had delusions of adequacy. --Walter Kerr

• Cost of War:
• As of 7/07/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $182,218,274,899.
• As of 6/30/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,649,032,856.
• As of 7/07/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,068,057,670,418.
• As of 6/30/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,066,467,789,147.
• As of 7/07/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,633,483,712.
• As of 6/30/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,015,210,867.
• As of 7/07/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,521,409,127,264.
• As of 6/30/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,509,359,270,739.
• As of 7/07/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,970,617,957,452.
• As of 6/30/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,969,410,810,384.
• As of 7/07/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,851,943,709,216.
• As of 6/30/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,835,906,616,546.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

It always seems impossible until it's done. --Nelson Mandela

Famous Last Words: ...you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold. --William Jennings Bryan

..........I'm always thinking of you.........Eddie Cantor …..Margie (1920) ~~All of today's songs are from various Ziegfeld Follies presentations.

I said some mean things to Judy when she said I was stupid but I sent her an apology written in dots and dashes, Re-morse code. / The scarecrow won his award for being outstanding in his field.

May Peace guide your steps

And Joy set your itinerary

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Submitted by aeb of kc