ePistle in the gRass

 Famous First Words: When in the course of human events... US Declaration of Independence

July is Picnic Month! When Larry, the baby llama, asked if they could go for a picnic, Mama Llama said, “Alpaca lunch”. / Well, eating inside is no picnic.

..........So, honey, don't you fret 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Soul Man

Listen to the pregnant woman. Value her. She values the life growing inside her. Listen to the pregnant woman, and you cannot help but defend her fight to abortion. --Ayelet Waldman

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky ranges from heaps of cumulus in the west to featureless slate gray in the east. Temperature is 77°F without the slightest hint of a breeze; not even a willow branch is moving. Puck barked into the vacuum. I believe he was trying to stir up some motion, anything to interrupt the stillness. Squirrels are very busy this morning, running up and down trees and across lawns. We followed one, but she disappeared over a privacy fence. Birdsong is everywhere...crows in the cottonwood, sparrows in the sprinkler, robins silently searching the grass. We make it to the end of the cul-du-sac and start back home keeping an eye out for more evil squirrels menacing the neighborhood. The house is cool and smells of coffee and cinnamon. So I fix myself a cup – creamy and steamy, and sit down to write to you. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful weekend.

Hope your whole, long weekend is a picnic, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: CNN said the world is 217 trillion dollars in debt...who do we owe? Thanos? --Submitted by INRITH

The Maintain Ants Department keeps picnic pests in good running order. / When we were in California, we decided to have a picnic on the beach. Unfortunately, our waffles fell on the ground. But I'll always remember that sandy Eggo trip.

Frankly, I don't think America deserves a birthday party this year.

..........That hard headed woman of mine..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..She Caught the Katy

Trivia Questions: Comiskey Park would have turned 112 today.

• ^ Who was the first team to play the White Sox in Comiskey Park?
• ^^ In what year did Bill Veeck's famous Comiskey Park “exploding scoreboard” debut?
• ^^^ How many World Series were played at Comiskey Park?
• ^^^^ For how many seasons did Comiskey have artificial turf in the infield and natural grass in the outfield?
• ^^^^^ What was the last team to play the White Sox in Comiskey?

Big Hello: Ola! - Extremaduran (Western Spain) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So, to sum up the Supreme Court's week: Life begins at conception and ends in a mass shooting. --Arianna Huffington

Max Picture of the Week: Max wondering why his great grandma thinks he's a foot taller than he really is

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 90% of librarians have a favorite book they will tell you about and a real favorite book they tell no one about. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The official picnic food of COVID-19 is the six-foot hoagie. / It was my first attempt at fixing a wobbly picnic table, but I totally nailed it.

If you drink a fifth on the fourth, don't go forth on the fifth

..........Come on, baby, don't you wanna go..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Sweet Home Chicago

Moonbeam: We learn too much, every day, to be satisfied with yesterday's achievements --Estee Lauder

Meditation of the Week: Why is there anything at all rather than nothing whatsoever? --Gottfried Leibniz

Puzzle of the Week: Think of two famous people — one from business and one from entertainment — whose last names are anagrams of each other. Now take their first names, drop the last letter of each of them, and put the result together, without rearranging, and you'll get the full first name of a famous fictional character. Who are these people? --Sunday Puzzle 6/26/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes I talk to myself and we both laugh. --Submitted by bc of tx

Week of the Week: Roswell Alien Days (1-3) --The aliens at Roswell were just trying to park their ship near a parking meteor. / The UFO crashed into a willow tree and became a crying saucer.

Winnie-the-Pooh, Christopher Robin, and Piglet go for a picnic. Piglet and Christopher Robin are eating sandwiches and swigging root beer, but Pooh isn't eating anything. Well, he was already stuffed. / A young couple was having a picnic on the beach when they were attacked by nesting shorebirds and things took a tern for the worse.

If it's called Independence Day, how come I'm expected to spend it with people?

..........Ain't nothing I'd rather do..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..B Movie Boxcar Blues

^ The St Louis Browns won the park opener 2-0.

Almanac: It is Friday. July 1, 2022. The moon was new last Tuesday (6/28) and is in Leo. It is Canada Day, International Chicken Wing Day, National GSA Employee Day, Second Half of The Year Day. US Postage Stamp Day, and Zip Code Day. In Burundi and Rwanda it is Independence Day (1962) and in Canada it is Dominion Day/Canada Day (1867). Ghana celebrates Republic Day (1960) and Ireland commemorates the Pilgrimage to the Shrine of Blessed Oliver Plunkett. In Somalia it is Union Day/Foundation Day (1960) and in Surinam it is Freedom Day/Labour Day'; while Turkey celebrates Merchant Marine Day.

Among those born on this day were G. W. Leibniz (1646), Jean-Victor Poncelet (1788), George Sand (Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin, 1804), Thomas Green Clemson (1807), Walter White (1810), James M. Cain (1892), Charles Laughton (1899), Irna Phillips (1901), Billy Wyler (1902), Estee Lauder (1908), David Brower (1912), Farley Granger (1925), Imelda Marcos (1930), Leslie Caron (1931), Bobby Day (1932), Jamie Farr (1934), Sydney Pollack (1934), Twyla Tharp (1941), Genevieve Bujold (1942), Debbie Harry (1945), Dan Aykroyd (1952), Carl Lewis (1961), and Princess Di (1961).

On July first the first vote on the Declaration of Independence was taken (1776), John Rutledge became the second chief justice of the Supreme Court (1795), the first US postage stamps went on sale (1847), the first intercollegiate baseball game was played (1859), Congress outlawed polygamy (1862), free postal delivery began in 49 US cities (1863), the US mint in Carson City opened (1869), Prince Edward Island became a real providence (1873), Frederick Douglass was named Minister to Haiti (1889), the Gideon Society was established (1899), Comiskey Park opened (1910), Ike married Mamie (1916), Ghana became a republic (1960), Haleakala National Park was established (HI, 1961), Medicare went into effect (1966), John Lennon held his first full art exhibition (1968), Ms magazine began publishing (1972), the first search and rescue satellite was launched (Kosmos, 1982), and China regained sovereignty of Hong Kong (1997).

Night Sky, 7/1: On the eastern side of the sky, the Summer Triangle holds sway after dark. Its top star is Vega, the brightest on that entire half of the sky. The brightest star to Vega's lower left is Deneb. Farther to Vega's lower right is Altair, with fainter Tarazed just above it. The Milky Way (if you have deep darkness) runs across the Triangle just inside its bottom edge. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The first US stamps issued – a 5¢ Franklin and a 10¢ Washington

This Week: Saturday, July 2 – National Play Outside Day & World UFO Day

Sunday, July 3 – International Plastic Bag Free Day & Stay Out Of The Sun Day

Night Sky, 7/3: In twilight this evening, look west for the waxing Moon. Look left of the Moon for Regulus and above the Moon for slightly fainter Algieba, Gamma Leonis. Binoculars help reveal the color difference between the two stars. Algieba is a wide optical double for binoculars and a much closer true binary (5 arcseconds) for telescopes.

Monday, July 4 – US Independence Day & Lou Gehrig Day & Earth at Aphelion

Tuesday, July 5 – Bikini Day & Thong Day & Work Without Your Hands Day

Wednesday, July 6 – International Kissing Day or World Kiss Day

Night Sky, 7/6: All five naked-eye planets remain lined up in the dawn, in good view for most of this week. From Mercury through Saturn, they run from low in the east-northeast to high in the south as dawn brightens.

Thursday, July 7 – Father-Daughter Take A Walk Together Day & Global Forgiveness Day & Tell The Truth Day

My father would never let us go on a picnic. He refused to eat under trees. He claimed they seem shady. / Yogi Bear went through all those picnic baskets looking for the bear necessities.

Remember, fireworks are much more amazing when you're not staring at your phone.

..........I never, never, never have a place to hide..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Everybody Needs Somebody

^^ 1960: The scoreboard featured fireworks and 35 different sound tapes. Tigers manager Jimmy Dykes was supposed to have said upon seeing the scoreboard in action, "What is this, Disneyland?"

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm so tired of folks running around with a mouth full of scripture and a heart full of hate. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand and sixty. --Imelda Marcos

Video of the Week: A one minute tour Haleakala National Park 4K - Maui, Hawaii - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What will be the next word to be trademarked? Biden will copyright the word Malarkey which is also the name of his cologne slash Joint Liniment --Adam Burke Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/25/22

No woman can call herself free who does not control her own body. --Margaret Sanger

I was thrown out of church after I brought homemade pickle bread to the church picnic. They claimed I was making dill doughs. / I asked my Canadian friend if she'd had a good summer. She said, “Yes, we had a great picnic that afternoon.”

Our cat doesn't like fireworks so we just let her hold sparklers.

..........Here comes my baby, flashing a new gold tooth..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Flip Flop Fly

^^^ Comiskey saw 4 world series: The White Sox played three series at Comiskey; 1) 1917 when the White Sox defeated the New York Giants 4-2 2) 1919 in the infamous Black Sox scandal series when the Cincinnati Reds won 5-3 3) 1959 when the Los Angeles Dodgers defeated the White Sox 4-2. The Chicago Cubs played their 1918 World Series against the Red Sox at Comiskey, with Boston winning in six games

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Gas prices are so high I just saw Dolly Parton carpooling with Jolene. --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Upskilling – increasing the skills of workers through training. World Wide Words: Upskilling

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie in his Championship T-Shirt

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove crayon marks from walls or wallpaper. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, rub gently to avoid messing up the paint or wallpaper, then wipe clean. Arm & Hammer®: Wacky Uses

The biggest difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table is that the table can support a family. / I love everything about family picnics except the heat, the food, the flies, and the family.

Let us proudly wave our Chinese made American flags!

...........You better take it easy, this place is hot..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Gimme Some Lovin'

^^^^ For 7 seasons, from 1969 to 1975, Comiskey Park featured an artificial turf infield and a natural grass outfield. For the 1976 season, the infield was converted to natural grass.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nietzsche: When you gaze only into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Marx: That's a mirror, loser. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Roswell Galacticon 2022 (1-3, Roswell, NM) Science Fiction Film Fest. Home | Roswell Galacticon

Favorite Protest Sign of the Week: Regulate Dick Not Jane –wide sky

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Robotics: Science and Systems (6/27 -7/1, NYC) This year, as always, we solicit your best work. Robotics: Science and Systems · A Robotics Conference

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bill GATES + Bob SAGET --> BILBO Baggins

Thanks to Eat Street, ordering Chinese takeout for a picnic is as easy as a wok in the park. / I went to a feminist picnic yesterday, and NOBODY made sandwiches.

Do I have a date for the Independence Day fireworks display? Yes, July 4^th.

..........Have a whole lotta fun..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Going Back to Miami

^^^^^ Chicago won the final game 2-1 against the Seattle Mariners, 1990.

My Own Writing of the Week: I didn't even consider having sex with another person during high school. I didn't have a boyfriend; didn't want all the hassle that seemed to go with it. My friend Dot and our friend Riggs and I hung out as a threesome. We went to the prom together – he bought us matching corsages. The most asked question from my classmates was “Did you know he was taking her too?”. The answer was yes, I went to her house to get dressed. And that was the biggest scandal of my high school career. I thought Riggs was gay. Doesn't seem to have been true. But looking back at my life through the telescope of my own history, I probably thought that because I liked hanging out with him (them, really) but was not ready for romance.

When I finally tried sex with another person, I liked it; awkward and fumbling as it was, it was fun. It didn't have better orgasms; but that didn't matter. So, in the end, deciding whether to be a bad girl was not really a decision. My body had assigned me to a side. --Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: Fear is strange soil. Mainly it grows obedience like corn, which grows in rows and makes weeding easy. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground. --Terry Pratchett Small Gods

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life is too short to fold fitted sheets. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, July 1, 1944: A massive general strike and nonviolent protest in Guatemala led to the resignation of dictator Jorge Ubico who had harshly ruled Guatemala for over a decade.

Drunken justices Thomas, Kavanaugh, Barrett, and Roberts went on a picnic. When they discovered they had forgotten the salt, they sent Kavanaugh back to get some. He circled around the car a couple of times and came upon the same group. “Do you guys have any salt?”, he asked. “No,” Thomas answered but we just sent our friend to get some. / Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

May your July 4^th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4^th alcohol consumption

..........At five o'clock it's much too crowded..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..Expressway To Your Heart

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 1, 2022, ePistle in the Grass. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: What we want from modern dance is courage and audacity. --Twyla Tharp

Cost of War:

• As of 6/30/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,649,032,856
• As of 6/23/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $181,087,784,952
• As of 6/30/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,066,467,789,147.
• As of 6/23/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,064,900,159,716.
• As of 6/30/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,015,210,867.
• As of 6/23/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,108,405,575,150.
• As of 6/30/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,509,359,270,739.
• As of 6/23/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,497,475,865,743.
• As of 6/30/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,969,410,810,384.
• As of 6/23/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,968,220,571,
• As of 6/30/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,835,906,616,546.
• As of 6/23/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,820,094,685,917.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The emphasis must not be on the right to abortion but on the right to privacy and reproductive control. --Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Famous Last Words: ...is reserved to the people. Constitution of Ghana

..........Sprinkle goofer dust all around your bed..........Blues Brothers with Dan Ackroyd …..I Don't Know

That movie about the hot dog at the picnic was a real Oscar Weiner. / We got to the park and realized we had not brought any drinks to the picnic. It was soda pressing.

May Peace bless your stars

And Joy heal your stripes

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: