Saturnial ePistle

 Famous First Words: The Jews, as a class, violating every regulation of trade established by the Treasury Department, and also Department orders, are hereby expelled from the Department. --Gen Grant's Order #11 1862

Io, Saturnalia ! Once upon a time Saturnalia was led by the Lord of Misrule. But now that we've seen a Trump administration, we're not into that anymore. / Saturnalia is a time of causing mischief and creating chaos...so it's been replaced by the average office Christmas party.

..........I don't care about no cake.........Albert King …..Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin'

Don't search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own. --Baba Hari Das

It is a chilly Friday morning. I have returned from my doctor's appointment. (He said if it's not kryptonite I'm good to go.) I came and went on the newly paved Brush Creek without needing to climb a short wall to get to the paved lane. When I left it was sunny. When I got out at the doctor's it was cloudy and dark and kind of cold. But now the sun is out again in a sky rampant with white bushy clouds. Puck is laying on his bed sleeping away; his breathing competes with the whir of the computer and the clip of fingers on a keyboard. I am drinking hazelnut cream decaf – a Christmas present – and it's delicious. It makes me feel as if I am already celebrating Christmas. I hold the cup to my face and breathe in the nutty, coffee steam. Ahh! Best of all, now, I get to write to you.

Hope this weekend is the most mischief you've made all year, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A pun has not matured until it's full groan. --Submitted by ma of va

Saturnalia is often characterized by drunkenness: Charles Dickens always drank martini's on Saturnalia. Sometimes with an olive and other times with a twist. / For Saturnalia the Russians mix Holy Water with their vodka. They call it “holy spirit”.

..........love you baby, tell you the reason why.........Butterfield Blues Band …..Shake Your Moneymaker

Trivia Questions: Happy Wright Brothers Day !

^ How come Orville and not Wilbur was the pilot on December 17, 1903?

^^ What businesses did the brothers try before flying?

^^^ When was the only time the brothers flew together?

^^^^ What was the name of that very first plane?

^^^^^ Which astronaut carried what part of the original plane into space?

Big Hello: Mono – Himba (Namibia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young. If they panic, you're old. --Submitted by FNOG

Max Picture of the Week: Max in the Tickle Pile

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: By Sunday evening 59% of librarians are eager to get back to work, but only because they finished all the books they have checked out. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Saturnalia is known for singing: No emergency room in this tomb –Marilyn Manson Saturnalia / Well I drank till I stumbled, I drank till I fell. --Kenny Chesney Being Drunk's a Lot Like Loving You

..........where all the girls and guys be.........Albert King …..Blues Power

Moonbeam: Beauty seen is never lost, God's colors all are fast. --John Greenleaf Whittier

Meditation Seed of the Week: If after dying, you can come back as any living thing other than a human, what would you choose?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What if the coins you find at the bottom of drawers and in couch cushions are actually spiders trying to pay rent. --Submitted by PsyDe

Week of the Week: Posadas (16-24) --An old Jewish man walked into the Bethlehem Hilton and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?" "Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic." The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?" "Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus." "And where was He born?" "In Bethlehem, in a manger." "And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk. "Because a schmuck like you wouldn't rent him a room!"

There was a lot of joke telling during Saturnalia. Here one actually from ancient Rome: A man, standing before a judge, is about to testify, whether he has a wife. The judge asks: Do you have, in all honesty, a wife surely do, but not in all my honesty.

..........I've done more than a Clear Thinking man.........Butterfield Blues Band …..Mary Mary

^ The brothers tossed a coin to see who would first pilot the plane. Older brother Wilbur won the toss, but his first attempt on December 14, 1903, was unsuccessful and caused minor damage to the aircraft. Three days later, Orville, in coat and tie, lay flat on his stomach on the plane’s lower wing and took the controls.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 17, 2021. The moon will be full (Cold) tomorrow and is in Gemini. It is Saturnalia, A Christmas Carol Day (Story), Clean Air Day, Wright Brothers Day, and Pan American Aviation Day. In Colombia it is Independence Day (1819) and in Venezuela it is Bolivar Day (1830). Because it is the third Friday it is also National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day and Underdog Day.

Among those born on this day were Ruprecht (1619), Johann Friedrich Schubert (1770), Humphrey Davy (1778), Joseph Henry (1797), John Greenleaf Whittier (1807), John Kerr (1824), Arthur Fiedler (1894), David Butler (1895), Erskine Caldwell (1903), Willard Frank Libby (`1908), William Safire (1929), Cal Ripken Sr (1935), Tommy Steele (1936), Eddie Kendricks (Temptations, 1939), Paul Butterfield (1942), Jack Chalker (1944), Ernie Hudson (1945), Eugene Levy (1946), Bill Pullman (1954), and Albert King (1959).

On December seventeenth France recognized the independence of the English colonies in America (1777), NYC created the first one-way street in the new world (1791), Kentucky established a debtors prison (1821), General Grant issued order #11 expelling Jews from Tennessee (1862), the Anti-Saloon League of America was founded (1895), the first diesel electric locomotive went into service (1924), On the Beach premiered on both sides of the Iron Curtain (1959), the Astrodome opened with a concert by Judy Garland and the Supremes (1965), and John Paul Stevens was appointed to the Supreme Court (1975).

Special Event of the Week: The Guzman Prize was created on this day in 1900; the first person to establish interplanetary communication would be awarded 100,000 francs, under one stipulation: Mars was excluded because Madame Guzman thought communicating with Mars would be too easy to deserve a prize.

Night Sky, 12/17: Have you ever watched a Sirius-rise? Find an open view right down to the east-southeast horizon. Watch there for Sirius to come up about two fists at arm's length below Orion's vertical Belt. Sirius rises sometime around 8 p.m. depending on your location. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The chemist's Christmas Tree

This Week: Saturday, December 18 – Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day & Arabic Language Day

Sunday, December 19 – National Hard Candy Day & National Oatmeal Muffin Day

Night Sky, 12/19: As twilight fades out this evening, use binoculars or a telescope to try for Comet Leonard 5° below Venus in the southwest. It should still be about magnitude 6. Good luck.

Monday, December 20 – Games Day & Mudd Day & Poet Laureate Day

Tuesday, December 21 – World Day of Peace & Winter Solstice & Crossword Puzzle Day

Night Sky, 12/21: The annual Ursid meteor shower peaks around the December solstice, which, in 2021, comes on December 21. The Ursids’ peak is probably the morning of December 22. But, the full moon comes on December 18-19. So there will be a bright moon in the morning sky, during the Ursids 2021 peak. Still, if past experience is any indication, you might see an Ursid meteor or two streaking along in the moonlight.

Wednesday, December 22 – Be A Lover Of Silence Day

Thursday, December 23 – Festivus & Human Light Celebration & Family Roots Day

Gag gifts were a part of the Saturnalia celebration: Toilet Golf Set: This golf set is perfect for keeping bathroom occupiers...occupied. / Bacon air freshener with a sizzling bacon aroma.

..........I'm tired of whoopin' and hollerin'.........Albert King …..Cadillac Assembly Line

^^ In 1889 the Wright brothers began to publish a weekly newspaper, the West Side News. The following year, they published a short-lived daily newspaper, The Evening Item. In 1892 they switched gears and opened the Wright Cycle Company, a successful bicycle repair and sales shop that financed their flying experiments.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Please stop asking Santa for the perfect woman. 3 times he's tried to kidnap me this week. --Submitted by RHOZ

Moonbeam: Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected. --William Safire

Video of the Week: The Feast of Saturnalia – A Roman Slave's Carol...featuring the Seven Days of Saturnalia ...two pointy hats and a chance to pretend I am free ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwQyNFg2_ms

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and Santa did fine – it's the paparazzi that made him cry

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Jenna Ryan...live streamed herself breaking into the capitol and bragging that she would never go to jail. She has managed to keep up that brass can-do attitude while she prepares for her 90 day stint in jail which she calls a “freedom cleanse". “I'm gonna be able to work out a lot and do a lot of yoga and detox.” She's gonna be so disappointed when she finds out that the only group fitness they have is knife fights. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, 12/11/21

Peace begins with a smile. --Mother Teresa

Feasting was a huge part of Saturnalia: This turkey tastes awful. Well, you asked for a foul roast. / What's the best thing to put into a Saturnalia cake? Your teeth

..........You wiggle wiggle here, you wiggle wiggle there.........Butterfield Blues Band …..Mellow Down Easy

^^^ Orville and Wilbur had promised their father, who feared losing both sons in an airplane accident, they would never fly together. The father made a single exception, however, on May 25, 1910, and allowed the brothers to share a six-minute flight near Dayton with Orville piloting and Wilbur the passenger. After landing, Orville took his 82-year-old father on his first and only flight. As Orville gained elevation, his excited father cried out, “Higher, Orville, higher!”

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The wind stopped blowing in Kansas once; we all fell down. --Submitted by RHOZ

Collective Nouns of the Week: An exaltation of larks and a shower of meteorologists

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove tarnish from silver. Mix a thick paste of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda with water, apply to the silver with a damp sponge, rub, rinse, and buff dry. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from listener Tom Bible, of Cincinnati. Think of a word to describe a single animal. Change the third letter to get a word that describes the plural of that animal. Both are nouns, and neither word contains an "s." NPR Sunday Puzzle 12/12/21

Wait, you're sitting in front of a dead tree eating candy out of a sock, and you claim Saturnalia is a strange holiday? / Don't you think wine-induced orgies would make the season more festive?

...........I'm just looking for my sweet babe.........Albert King …..Stormy Monday

^^^^ The brothers made four flights in the Wright Flyer on December 17, 1903, and as Orville and Wilbur stood discussing the final flight, a sudden strong gust of wind caught hold of the aircraft and flipped it several times. The aircraft sustained such heavy damage to its ribs, motor and chain guides that it was beyond repair. The Wright Flyer was carted back to Dayton and never flew again.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When is the Christmas Party for Self-Check at Walmart?

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: DisCon III (15-19, D.C.) The 79^th World Science Fiction Convention https://discon3.org/

Name That Poet of the Week: It is the middle of December, the nights are longer, the weather is colder, winter comes...

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Electrical Engineering and Control Technologies: (16-18, Macau, China) organized by Asia Pacific Institute of Science and Engineering(APISE), supported by Auckland University of Technology https://10times.com/e1s3-x5rs-0rr6 ~~The most interesting thing about this conference is its strange web address.

Vintage Player's One Liner of the Week: Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

If you want to put Christ back in Christmas, can you, please, take it out of Saturnalia. / She was wearing antlers for 'Saturnalia', and upon receiving a compliment for it, she said, "Thank you, I'm trying to branch out."

..........Oh, you know, it has been such a long journey.........Butterfield Blues Band …..One More Mile

^^^^^ When another aeronautical pioneer from Ohio, Neil Armstrong, became the first man to step foot on the moon in 1969, inside his space suit pocket was a piece of muslin fabric from the left wing of the original 1903 Wright Flyer along with a piece of wood from the airplane’s left propeller.

My Own Writing of the Week: Pooh Bear, my first husband, and I were married in 1965, just a few years before the summer of love. We had an "open" marriage. Which meant that we could sleep with anyone we wanted to. Pooh Bear was a wonderful father. I had friends who dreaded leaving their children with their exes over a weekend. Afraid. Pooh Bear was a much better father than I was a mother. When our first was crawling and climbing and learning, Pooh would sit on the staircase while he studied with one hand on the kid's butt. He had that kind of patience. He wasn't the perfect father; but he was really good. I have no anger over our sexual exploits during this marriage. We were looking for new ways to relate, new ways to run the world, ways that were more egalitarian and shared the pains and pleasures of life among us all. We were bright and both learned a lot. We both went on to have productive lives. It was an interesting first act. --from Husbands – Mine and Other People's

Poet of the Week: Selena Fox Saturnalia Poem

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ecology without Class Struggle is just Gardening. --Chico Mendes --Submitted by MMS

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Head (as in cattle) --> Herd

Today's Peace of History, December 17, 1990: Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a radical Roman Catholic priest and opponent of the dictatorship of Jean-Claude Duvalier who had been deposed in 1986, was elected president in the first free election in Haiti's history.

Saturnalia was often characterized by role reversal (adult/child, servant/master): Hello, 1950s? You left your oppressive gender roles in our century. Can you come and pick them up? / In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I am now yelling at my parents for going out.

..........My baby's lovin' cause the sun to shine.........Albert King …..Pride and Joy

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle December 17, 2021, Saturnial ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Strange Fact of the Week: Covid-19 Fact: 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed.

Moonbeam: Though it sometimes looks like a rich man will never help the poor; whereas the poor people will give away everything they have to help somebody who ain't got nothing. That's how it looks to me. Don't seem like it ought to be that way, but I reckon the rich ain't got no time to fool with us poor folks.” --Erskine Caldwell

Cost of War:

As of 12/16/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,936,378,997,958.

As of 12/09/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,935,198,721,481.

As of 12/16/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,092,096,596,936.

As of 12/09/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,091,491,955,150.

As of 12/16/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $166,073,110,623.

As of 12/09/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $165,516,531,761.

As of 12/16/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,022,962,910,144.

As of 12/09/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,021,407,997,549.

As of 12/16/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,179,584,236,613 .

As of 12/09/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,167,794,898,032 .

As of 12/16/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,397,097,854,512.

As of 12/09/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,381,412,998,511.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. --J Donald Walters

Famous Last Words: Oh, why don't you believe... The Temptations My Girl

..........That train don't stop here anymore.........Butterfield Blues Band …..Mystery Train

Let's keep Saturn in Saturnalia...and may we always keep the Yule in Yuletide!

May Peace be your reason

And Joy be your season

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Cheerful ePistle

 Famous First Words: An act to grant to the women of Wyoming Territory the right of suffrage... First Legislation in the US granting women the right to vote Wyoming, 1869

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. --Andy Borowitz / Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. --Victor Borge

..........And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls..........Counting Crows …..A Long December

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God. Matthew 5:9

It is a gloomy Friday morning and 48 degrees Fahrenheit with a breeze. So I am wearing a coat and hat but no gloves. The sky is covered with thick clouds varying from gray to dark gray with one spot of almost white where the sun is trying to burn through. Puck, of course, barks at everything but this morning a cement truck is waiting for its turn at pouring concrete on Brush Creek as the last leg of repaving. The motor hums gruffly and the big yellow drum turns with a grinding sound while there are plinks of gravel or something hitting the insides of the drum...a steampunk calliope. We greet two strangers who are walking to their cars which are parked on our cul-de-sac because the new pavement has temporarily eliminated their driveways. We continue to the end of the street by the park and Puck sniffs every tuft of grass for possible squirrel contamination. The calliope moves on – hopefully we'll have a new potholeless street tonight. I turn towards the park and nod to the hawk sitting on a bare tree limb and looking for breakfast. The hawk flies off and we return home noticing Christmas decorations – lights in windows, large, shiny ornaments hung in bare trees. They are warm and welcome on an overcast day. The house is filled with smells of coffee brewing and with not road tar aroma, ahhh. So now I'm sitting sipping my doctored decaf and writing to you. Great morning so far...

Hope your weekend reeks of Christmas Cheer, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: All pets are therapy pets. Most are just working undercover. --Submitted by sd of ks

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. --Dave Barry / I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas. --Frank Butler

..........Touch me with chivalry..........Laura Nyro …..December's Boudoir

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Grand Ole Opry !

^ Who was the first US president to attend the Grand Ole Opry?

^^ Where did the name come from?

^^^ What was the price of a ticket to the Opry before they moved to the Ryman Theater in 1943?

^^^^ What is the price of a ticket to the Opry nowadays?

^^^^^ About how many people attend the Opry annually.

Big Hello: Tjike – Herero (Namibia & Botswana) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Please be careful of holiday scams out there. I ordered my wife expensive jewelry for Christmas, and instead they sent me a new guitar and amp. --Submitted by fhb of az

Max Picture of the Week: Max decorating the Christmas tree.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 23% of librarians won't admit it, but they think the Cat in the Hat is a jerk. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional. --Robert Godden / This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it's better than all the other ones. --Guy Endore Kaiser

..........'Cause I'm older now but not done hoping.........Michael Bublé …..Cold December Night

Moonbeam: To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. --George MacDonald

Meditation Seed of the Week: If you make it to the crossroad, what would you sell your soul for?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign in the stall of the restroom at Z's Coffee, Lawrence KS: Do Not Flush Paper Towels, Tampons, Sanitary Napkins, Diapers, Money, Dreams, Hopes

Week of the Week: Computer Science Education Week (6-12) --If your computer keeps coughing it has a virus. / A Computer's memory is only as long as its electric cord.

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. --Kin Hubbard / What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present. --Don Marquis

..........And I realized I loved you in the fall.........Taylor Swift …..Back to December

^ Richard Nixon was the first president to visit the Opry. It was in 1974 during the grand opening of the Grand Ole Opry House. He played “Happy Birthday” for his wife and “God Bless America” for the audience on the piano, making him the only president to actually perform on the show. ~~Later came Carter, Reagan, Bush one, and Bush two would stop.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 10, 2021. The moon is in the first quarter today and is in Pisces. It is Dewey Decimal System Day, Human Rights Day, Nobel Prize Day, International Animal Rights Day, Jane Addams Day, and Official Lost & Found Day. In the Khmer Republic it is Rights of Man Day and in Mississippi it is Admission Day (1817). In Stockholm, Sweden it is Nobel Prize presentation Day (since 1896). Thailand celebrates Constitution Day (1932). The UN and Equatorial Guinea commemorate Human Rights Day (1948). Worldwide it is World Freedom Day. Wyoming celebrates Wyoming Day (women's suffrage) (1869).

Among those born on this day were Thomas Gallaudet (1787), George MacDonald (1824), Dennis Morgan (1910), Chet Huntley (1911), Dorothy Lamour (1914). Dan Blocker (1929), Tim Considine (1941), and Tommy Kirk (1941).

On December tenth France began using the Gregorian calendar (1582), Mississippi was admitted as the 20th state (1817), women suffrage was granted in Wyoming (1869), president Wilson married Edith Galt (1915), the Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut (1927) and Zanzibar became independent (1963).

Night Sky, 12/10: First-quarter Moon (exactly so at 8:36 p.m. EST). The half-lit Moon shines far off the upper-left end of the Venus-Saturn-Jupiter line, turning it into an immense, gently curving line of four objects. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: I have no caption

This Week: Saturday, December 11 – Day of the Horse & International Mountain Day & UNICEF Birthday

Sunday, December 12 – National Ding-a-Ling Day & National Cocoa Day & Poinsettia Day

Monday, December 13 – Green Monday & National Guide Birthday

Night Sky, 12/13: Geminids Meteor Shower - The Geminids are usually one of the best meteors showers of the year, capable of producing 150 or more meteors per hour at a dark site. The meteors are often bright and colorful. The Moon will be 78% full and up for a large portion of the night, which could hamper viewing.

Tuesday, December 14 – Monkey Day & Yoga Day & Asarah B'Tevet

Wednesday, December 15 – Bill of Rights Day & Cat Herders Day & National Cupcake Day

Night Sky, 12/15: At this time of year the Big Dipper lies shyly down at its lowest just after dark, due north. It's entirely below the north horizon if you're as far south as Miami.

Thursday, December 16 – Free Shipping Day & National Regifting Day

Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks form her dog, who drew her name. --Erma Bombeck / Thank you, stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace. --Jimmy Fallon

..........Late December, back in '63.........Frankie Valli …..Oh, What A Night

^^ The phrase "Grand Ole Opry" was first uttered on radio on December 10, 1927. At the time, the NBC Red Network's Music Appreciation Hour, a program with classical music and selections from grand opera, was followed by Hays' Barn Dance. That evening, as he was introducing the show and DeFord Bailey, his first guest, George Hay said the following words: For the past hour, we have been listening to music largely from Grand Opera, but from now on, we will present 'The Grand Ole Opry'

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can't teach an old dogma new tricks. --Dorothy --Dorothy Lamour

Video of the Week: Roy Zimmerman PeaceNick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv_O7ocnQ1Y

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the brand new haircut

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Dr Oz is famous for selling magic weight pills on tv...the fact that he lives in New Jersey but he's running in Pennsylvania shows that he's a doctor without borders. --Andra McDonald Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/4/21

Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you...let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. --Jerry Seinfeld / Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. --Lenore Hershey

..........How the stars stole the night away.........Earth, Wind & Fire …..December

^^^ 1939-1943. During its tenure at War Memorial, the Opry began to charge admission — 25 cents a person.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and do nothing for three years. --Submitted by RHOZ

Collective Nouns of the Week: A soufflé of clouds and a helix of geneticists.

Strange Fact of Life of the Week: Theme parks can snap a crystal-clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a microwave oven. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub, and rinse. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from listener Steve Baggish, of Arlington, Mass. Take the 9 letters of EARTH SIGN. Repeating them as often as necessary, you can spell the four-word title of a classic movie in 15 letters. You can also use them to spell the four-word title of a classic song in 19 letters. What two titles are these? NPR Puzzle Sunday 12/5/21

Christmas is a time when you get homesick even when you're home. --Carol Nelson / Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe he's smoking? --Arlo Guthrie / I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. --Steen Wright

...........I'm going home.........Kay Starr …..December

^^^^ Opry ticket prices range from $45 for the mezzanine to $138 for the main floor up close.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I used to tell a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice, but looking back, it was not a great idea. ----Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: There are no conventions listed for this weekend. Ahhhh

Alternative To Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Old Fashioned Christmas (12/11, Lindsborg, KS) Activities taking place in the lantern-lit Heritage Square village... https://www.visitlindsborg.com/old-fashioned-christmas

Name That Poet of the Week: Santa needs new reindeer, the first bunch has grown old...

Actual Science Conference of the Week: SYMPOL 2021 International Symposium on Ocean Technology (9-11, India) ...ocean electronics... ~~iphones of isopods ??

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: "Singin' in the Rain" and "Strangers in the Night"

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. --Frank McKinney Hubbard / Every year Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief! It's insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it. --Lewis Black

..........After the Yule fire dies down.........Donny Osmond …..After December Slips Away

^^^^^ Almost a million people visit the Opry every year to see their favorite stars.

My Own Writing of the Week: One of the Young Apollos really was living with a lady; they weren't married but they were pretty solidly together. Jeez, I do not remember having a single qualm. We played Dungeon and Dragons with a group of people and I do not remember now who started the flirting that led to the affair. We were certainly playing in the dirt and we both knew it. That was part of the appeal, the titillation. I suspect that he had other women too. And while being one of a crowd is not morally different from being the only one, it can save one from a little guilt if applied carefully. --from Husbands – Mine and Other People's

Poet of the Week: Timothy Tocher Help Wanted

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week:

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: It is clear that you drank deep from the well of ignorance.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: being alive is a little outta my price range. --Submitted by dr of oh

Today's Peace of History, December 10, 1997: Julia Butterfly Hill, age 23, climbed "Luna," a 1,000-year-old California redwood, to protect it from loggers. She stayed up in the tree for more than two years.

Christmas: it's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state. --Samantha Bee / You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger. --Bart Simpson

..........Warm when the cold breezes blow.........Julie London …..Warm in December

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle December 10, 2021, Cheerful ePistle**. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047 **I almost named it Cheerful Damned ePistle

Should Have Been In Last Week's ePistle: When the Saxons arrived, they asked the Welsh the name of that hill, the Welsh said "pen" which means "hill" in Welsh. So the Saxons used their word for hill, "tor", and called it Torpen (hill, hill). Then the Norse arrived and by the same process added their world for hill "haugr". So now it was Torpen Haugr (hill, hill, hill). Later, the English called it Torpenhow Hill (Hill Hill Hill Hill). --Submitted by cmr of ks

Post Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear Santa, I'm writing to tell you I've been naughty and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental bastard. --Submitted by bc of tx

Moonbeam: I'm not ashamed of being gay, never have been and never will be. For that I have no apologies. --Tommy Kirk

Cost of War:

As of 12/09/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,935,198,721,481.

As of 12/02/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,934,032,582,319.

As of 12/09/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,091,491,955,150.

As of 12/02/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,090,894,763,672.

As of 12/09/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $165,516,531,761.

As of 12/02/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $164,966,398,143.

As of 12/09/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,021,407,997,549.

As of 12/02/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,019,872,048,577.

As of 12/09/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,167,794,898,032 .

As of 12/02/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,156,153,125,319 .

As of 12/09/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,381,412,998,511.

As of 12/02/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,365,914,623,529.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

These things I have spoken to you, that you may have peace. John 16:33

Famous Last Words: Good-night, David --Chet Huntley, Huntley Brinkley Report

..........So you better leave the light on.........Miley Cyrus …..Permanent December

One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. --Professor Dumbledore / Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody. --Lewis Black

May Peace bless your holly

And Joy keep you jolly

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

eLlipsis...ePistle

 Famous First Words: Hey there, Stella, baby. --Stanley Kowalski Streetcar Named Desire

I'm so glad I grew up speaking English. Where's the challenge in a language that coordinates pronunciation and spelling. / English Game: Place the word “only” anywhere in this sentence: She told him that she loved him.

..........Just look, my friend, there's happiness in living.........Ferlin Husky …..Don't Let The Good Life Pass You By

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” —Saint Francis de Sales

It is a busy Friday morning. The sky is a beautiful blue without a cloud anywhere. Puck and I walked in the cool (43°F) of the morning and barked at two squirrels, one person, and several phantoms. Then Jeff and I went to the grocery store because our cupboards were bare. Third thing – we put away food and put away food and put away food. But now...now...I have a cup of freshly brewed decaf, sweetened and creamed. In my ear, dog snoring floats gently. I take a long sniff and a small bite of cream cheese muffin and sit down to write to you. Whew!

Hope your weekend rolls trippingly off the tongue, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill. It's a little fit bunny. --Submitted by HPF

Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. --David Burge / If “womb” is pronounced “woom” and “tomb” is pronounced “toom”, shouldn't “bomb” be pronounced “boom”?

..........And hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near.........Andy Williams …..It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Trivia Questions: It is World Transplant Day

^ Who decides who gets a donated organ?

^^ Can I just buy one of your kidneys?

^^^ What are organs that are often transplanted?

^^^^ More or less, how many people are waiting for a transplant?

^^^^^ More or less, how many transplants were performed in the US in 2020?

Big Hello: Shalom – Hebrew https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The world is a magical place full of people waiting to be offended by something. --Submitted by PsyDe

Max Picture of the Week: Max in his preppy sweater and serious new haircut is out shining some Christmas Decorations

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 50% of librarians say the glass is half full, 50% say it's half empty; 100% say you aren't allowed to have it in the computer lab. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Peruse: a) to look at or read in an informal or relaxed way b) to examine or read in a very careful way / Why don't these words rhyme? Cough...rough...through...tough

..........Can you help me occupy my brain..........Black Sabbath with Ozzy Osbourne …..Paranoid

Moonbeam: The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. --Joseph Conrad

Meditation Seed of the Week: What do you think is the most beautiful word in the English language? ~~Here is somebody's opinion on that. https://www.rd.com/article/beautiful-word-english-language/

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My secret to a happy, stress-free Christmas? I'm Jewish. --Submitted by MMS

Week of the Week: Cookie Cutter Week (1-7) –If you use a reindeer cookie cutter, you end up with cookie doe. / These Rudolph cookies really sleigh.

English in a nutshell: Queue pronounced kyoo. Write down 4 letters. Only pronounce the first letter. / It makes me really uncomfortable that the word Australia contains three A's and all of them are pronounced differently.

..........When the trust is found to be lies..........Jefferson Airplane …..Somebody To Love

^ A national computer system and strict standards are in place to ensure ethical and fair distribution of organs. Organs are matched by blood and tissue typing, organ size, medical urgency, waiting time and geographic location. ~~Hearts only need to match on blood type and size, not tissue.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 3, 2021. The moon will be new tomorrow and is in Scorpio. It is Be A Blessing Day, International Baboon Day. International Day of Persons With Disabilities, National Roof Over Your Head Day, and World Transplant Day. Because it is the first Friday it is also Bartender Appreciation Day, Faux Fur Friday, and National Salesperson Day.

Among those born on this day were Samuel Crompton (1753), Gilbert Stuart (1755), Rowland Hill (1795), France Preseren (1800), Cleveland Abbe (1838), Octavia Hill (1838), Joseph Conrad (1857), Anton von Webern (1883), Karl Manne Georg Siegbahn (1886), Anna Freud (1895), Kate O'Brien (1897), Maria Callas (1923), Ferlin Husky (1927), Andy Williams (1930), Jean-Luc Godard (1930), Phyllis Morgan (1931), Valerie Perrine (1943), Ozzy Osbourne (1948), Mickey Thomas (Jefferson Airplane, 1949), Daryl Hannah (1960), and Brendan Fraser (1968).

On December fourth Thomas Herriot introduced potatoes to England (1586), Illinois was admitted to the union (21st, 1818), Andrew Jackson was elected president (7th, 1828), the first US dental society was organized (1834), the first fire insurance policy was issued (RI, 1835), Frederick Douglass published the first issue of his newspaper, North Star (1857), the first black men served on trial jury (Jefferson Davis, 1868), Cohen's Talk of the Town premiered (1907), neon lights were introduced to the public (Paris, 1910), Turkey and Armenia signed a peace treaty (1920), US Congress session was first broadcast on radio (1923), Alka Seltzer went on sale (1931), the US government asked the UN to order Franco out of Spain (1946), A Streetcar Named Desire premiered (1947), Paul Harvey began his national radio broadcast (1950), Wilt Chamberlain played his first college basketball game (52 points, 1956), Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer first aired on tv (1964), Nixon commuted Jimmy Hoffa's jail term (1971), and 11 people were trampled to death at a Who concert (Cincinnati, 1979).

Night Sky, 12/3: New Moon in Sagittarius at 2:44 am

Image of the Week: This is a picture of me taken this week. I am wearing a Suzy Creamcheese original.*Suzy Creamcheese was a character in songs by the Mothers of Invention. *Suzy Creamcheese was a hippie boutique in Lawrence in the late 60s.

This Week: Saturday, December 4 – National Cookie Die & National Dice Day & World Pear Day

Night Sky, 12/4:Solar Eclipse: People located at the southernmost tips of South America, Africa, Australia and New Zealand will experience the partial phases. The path of the moon’s umbral shadow begins in the Southern Ocean about 300 miles (500 km) southeast of the Falkland Islands, crosses the Antarctic continent, and ends at sunset in the Southern Ocean. A partial eclipse will be seen within the much broader path of the moon’s penumbral shadow, which includes the Southern Ocean, southern Africa and the southeastern corner of Australia and Tasmania. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Sunday, December 5 – AFL-CIO Day & Bathtub Party Day & International Ninja Day

Monday, December 6 – Miner's Day & Mitten Tree Day & St. Nicholas' Feast Day

Tuesday, December 7 – International Civil Aviation Day & National Cotton Candy Day & World Trick Shot Day

Wednesday, December 8 – National Day of Lard & Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day

Night Sky, 12/9 : Monocerotid meteor shower 2021: The Monocerotid meteor shower will be active from 5 December to 20 December, producing its peak rate of meteors around 9 December. ... The shower is expected to reach peak activity at around 10 pm CST on 8 December 2021.

Thursday, December 9 – International Anti-Corruption Day & Weary Willie Day

I am reminded that English is a flawed language every time I am forced to use “that that” in a sentence. I cannot believe that that “that that” thing is a thing we use in English. / Excuse me there's no excuse for this. I'm not content with this content.

..........Do away with people laughin' at my hair.........Jefferson Airplane …..Three fifths Of A Mile in Ten Second

^^ Buying or selling organs is illegal. It is a federal felony to give or receive money or any other tangible gift in exchange for a donated organ.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Is there a nicer feeling than being in a room full of people and the dog chooses to come sit next to you? I think not. --Submitted by PsyDe

Moonbeam: The sea has never been friendly to man. At most it has been the accomplice of human restlessness. --Joseph Conrad

Video of the Week: It's that time of year...Pot in the Latkes by MC Flo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2GOrdxCm6Q

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the alien pjs

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: You may not have noticed because not only do Americans not care about soccer, they don't even have an American team in the tournament to not care about because the US did not qualify for the World Cup. The U.S. team was eliminated by Trinidad and Tobago, which, by the way, is the least humiliating thing to happen to the United States this year. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/23/18

“If you are depressed you are living in the past, if you are anxious you are living in the future, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.” —Lao Tzu

A friend pointed out that the phrase “new direction” sounds exactly like “nude erection” and my life has never been the same. / Y'all'd've know this if you lived in the south.

..........Go ask Alice, I think she'll know.........Jefferson Airplane …..White Rabbit

^^^ Organs and tissue that can be donated include: heart, kidneys, lungs, pancreas, liver, intestines, corneas, skin, tendons, bone, nerve and heart valves. If you are not registered, you can become a donor by visiting registerme.org .

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's that time of year when we put away our every day anxiety and switch to our festive holiday anxiety. --Submitted by INRITH

Collective Nouns of the Week: An Obstinacy of buffalo and a Business of ferrets

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe insect bites. Dissolve two Alka-Seltzer tablets in a glass of water, dip a cloth into the solution, and place the cloth on the bite for twenty minutes. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/alkaseltzer.html

Strange Fact of Life of the Week: Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

Puzzle of the Week: Think of a familiar three-word phrase in the form of "in the blank." The word that fills the blank will start with the letter "S." Move the "S" to the end and you'll get another familiar phrase in the form of "in the blank." What phrases are these? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/26/06

If GH can substitute for P in hiccough and OUGH can substitute for O as in DOUGH, and PHTH can substitute for T as in phthisis and EIGH can stand for A as in neighbour, and TTE can substitute for T as in gazette, and EAU can substitute for O and in plateau. The correct way to spell potato would be ghoughphtheightteeau / UK – We call it Autumn, from the French word “autompne” and later, the Latin “autumnus”. USA – We call it fall because leaves fall down

...........One begins to read between the pages of a look.........Jefferson Airplane …..Comin' Back To Me

^^^^ Almost 107,000 people in the United States are currently on the waiting list for a lifesaving organ transplant. -- Aug 12, 2021

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: St Peter: It says here that you should go to hell but since you have a PhD, we'll count that as time served.--Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: L.A. ComicCon (3-5, Los Angeles) --A confluence of comics, gaming, sci-fi, horror, pop culture, and that one obscure thing that you thought everyone had forgotten about... https://www.comicconla.com/

Name That Poet of the Week: Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 5^th International Online Conference on Mathematics (1-3, Online event) An Istanbul Meeting for World Mathematicians. http://icomath.com/index.php

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: In the swing... in the wings

Will Will Smith smith? Will Smith will smith. / Is firefly the opposite of waterfall? / Is spelt spelled spelt or spelled?

..........Man prepares to meet his destiny, yeah.........Black Sabbath with Ozzy Osbourne …..Into The Void

^^^^^ 39,034 organ transplants were performed using organs from both deceased and living donors in 2020, marking the tenth consecutive record-setting year for transplants in the U.S. 85% (33,309) of the transplants performed involved organs from deceased donors.

My Own Writing of the Week: I never cared much for sex on acid. There was just too much going on while I was stoned. When I make love I want all my attention right there in my cunt and in my mouth. I don't want to space out watching the flowers on the comforter move. But, late in the evening when you're gliding down and you smoke a little weed to slow yourself even more so you're kind of floating between trippy and not, sensation is still intense but the mind is not so, love can be magical.

Drinking has never made me lucky. There was a potential Young Apollo who stopped by my house on St. Patrick's Day with a fifth of good Irish Whiskey that someone had left in his truck. But I'm so little a drinker I wasn't able to keep up at all and kept asking if people diluted this with other stuff like coke or orange juice. Finally, he took the rest of his bottle and went off to find someone who liked the stuff. I hope he ended up lucky and in love. --From Drugs and Alcohol

Poet of the Week: Gerard Nolst Trenité The Chaos

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: God literally sacrificed his only begotten son, he's cool with abortions, trust me. --Sey Smythe --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History, December 3, 1833: Oberlin College (then Oberlin Collegiate Institute) opened for its first class. It was the first college to enroll men and women on equal terms, and to accept African-American men and women on equal terms with white students.

“The major problem is quite simply one of grammar, and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr. Dan Streetmentioner’s Time Traveler’s Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. ... Most readers get as far as the Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional before giving up; and in fact in later editions of the book all the pages beyond this point have been left blank to save on printing costs. --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy / Why does the word monosyllabic have five syllables?

..........Wherever you're going, I'm going your way.........Andy Williams …..Moon River

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle December 3, 2021, elliptical...ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Words, as is well known, are the great foes of reality. --Joseph Conrad

Cost of War:

As of 12/02/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,934,032,582,319.

As of 11/25/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,932,915,343,436.

As of 12/02/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,090,894,763,672.

As of 11/25/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,090,322,525,888.

As of 12/02/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $164,966,398,143.

As of 11/25/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $164,439,976,700.

As of 12/02/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,019,872,048,577.

As of 11/25/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,018,400,960,261.

As of 12/02/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,156,153,125,319 .

As of 11/25/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,145,003,771,546 .

As of 12/02/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,365,914,623,529.

As of 11/25/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,351,086,203,505.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“Don't search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own." —Baba Hari Das

Famous Last Words: He passed on unsuspected and deadly, like a pest in the street full of men. --Joseph Conrad The Secret Agent: A Simple Tale

..........And speaks to me of flowers that will bloom again in spring.........Ferlin Husky …..Snowbird

Does it bug anyone else that you pronounce all the letters in salmonella? / I feel like one of the greatest conquests of the English language is the phrase “I'ma” because it's an abbreviation for “I am going to”. Like we managed to subtract all the spaces and three-fourths of the letters and we still know what it means. That's powerful.

May Peace watch your p's

And Joy take care of your q's

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: