ePistle aWaits

 Famous First Words: Blood Donor Shortage ..American Red Cross website ~~It can help you find a donation center near you

It's National Waitstaff Day! I complained to the waitress that my coffee tastes like mud. “It should,” she said,” it was fresh ground this morning.” / My boyfriend is a waiter who only wears Armani suits. I told him to act his wage.

..........I don't stay out late, don't care to go..........Fats Waller …..Aint' Misbehavin'

Equitable exchange and dialogue among civilizations, cultures, and peoples, based on mutual understanding and respect and the equal dignity of all cultures is the essential prerequisite for constructing social cohesion, reconciliation among peoples, and peace among nations. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

It is another rainy Friday morning, warm (71°F) and muggy (RH 89%). The sky is completely covered with featureless white clouds that are not quite thick enough to mask the presence of the sun above them. There is a south wind that blows around the tree limbs and flower stalks and even the short grasses. Five different shades of green are revealed on one tree as it dances in the wind. I venture onto the patio in bare feet. It feels good. A hawk flies over, slowly circling. I wave to her but she does not respond. The backyard is still littered with the lumber of the soon (hopefully) to be storage shed. The wind smells not just of damp soil and wet foliage but of sodden wood. Yesterday was the eighth day in a row with measurable rainfall and Bruno's yard is beginning to look like a lake. (When does it stop being good for the farmers?) Puck does not like rain or wet patios or grass. He looks at me as if to ask: aren't you obligated to provide a dry place for me to pee? I retreat indoors where it is dry and sweeten up a cup of decaf. It is a good morning to sit down and write to you.

Hope your weekend is fast and friendly, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: That was a cyberattack? I thought it was the latest Windows update. --Submitted by the Heinlein Society

Say what you want to say about waitresses, but they bring a lot to the table. / I'm never going back to that restaurant. The waiter body-shamed me. He told me he was sorry for my weight.

..........My mother was a tailor, she sewed my new blue jeans.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..House of the Rising Sun

Trivia Questions: In honor of National Pizza Party Day – What do we know about pizza?

^ Any idea when or where the “modern” pizza originated?

^^ How many slices of pizza does the US eat per, oh , let's say per second?

^^^ Care to guess how much the world's most expensive pizza costs or where to find it?

^^^^ What do you know about pizza delivery in space?

^^^^^ Who was the first known pizza delivery boy? --Yes, you do know, you just don't know you know.

Big Hello: Hello – Cuyonon (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When spiders unite they can tie down a lion. --African Proverb

Max Picture of the Week AND Recreating art with anything at hand: Max, sans cast, says he is a pirate and I say he is The Boy With The Pearl Earring, sans earring.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Due to strange noises, 67% of staff refuse to be in the library alone. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I once dated a one legged waiter. He worked at IHOP. / I think my waitress is hungry. She keeps asking how my food is.

..........I just want to live while I'm alive.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..It's My Life

Moonbeam: When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. --Al Franken

Meditation Seed of the Week: How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person? Ask them who won the election. --Submitted by dr of oh

Week of the Week: National Transportation Week (16-22) --The saddest form of transportation? Moped / The Biden administration is obsessed with “green” transportation. So the buses are running on thyme.

Waitress, do you have lobster tails? Yes, Once upon a time there was a little lobster named Lenny and he... / The waiter asked if I had any questions about the menu but he couldn't tell me if the burger fonts were Cambria or Sitka.

..........When we're passing by, flowers droop and sigh.........Fats Waller …..Honeysuckle Rose

^ Greeks and Egyptians were cooking a pizza like flatbread and topping it with olive oil and spices. The “modern pizza” as we know it evolved in Naples Italy, when tomato was added in the late 18th century.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 21, 2021. The moon was in the first quarter on Wednesday and is in Virgo. It is American Red Cross Founder's Day, End of the World Day aka Rapture Party Day, I Need A Patch For That Day, National Waitstaff Day, Sister Maria Hummel Day, and World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development. Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, and National Pizza Party Day.

Among those born on this day were Plato (427 BCE), Albrecht Dürer (1471), Alexander Pope (1688), Elizabeth Fry (1780), Léon Bourgeois (1851), Fats Waller (Thomas Wright, 1904), Robert Montgomery (1904), Harold Robbins (1916), Dennis Day (1917), Raymond Burr (1917), Peggy Cass (1924), Robert Creeley (1926), Hilton Valentine (Animals, 1943), Al Franken (1951), Judge Reinhold (1957), and Tracy Simien (1967).

On May twenty-first the Treaty of Troyes gave France to England (1420), Lady Jane Grey married Guildford Dudley (1553), the West Indian Company sold 1/3 of Suriname (1683), Lewis and Clark set out (1804), bicycles were first introduced in the US (NYC, 1819), the first Democratic National Convention was held (1832), New Zealand became a British colony (1840), Lawrence was sacked by pro-slavery forces (1856), North Carolina seceded (10th, 1861), Father Damien was ordained (Hawaii, 1864), the American Red Cross was founded (1881), US National Lawn Tennis Association was founded (1881), Greyhound Bus Company opened for business (1914), US House passed the woman suffrage amendment (1918), Lindbergh completed ths first solo transatlantic flight by a man (1917), Earhart completed first solo, transatlantic flight by a woman (1932), Oskaloosa, IA first used fingerprints in court (1934), US nuked Bikini Atoll (1956), Gypsy opened on Broadway (1959), the National Guard was mobilized to quell protests at Ohio State University (1970), the last episode of Newhart aired (1990),

Night Sky, 5/21: Vega is now nicely up in the east-northeast after dark. Look for its faint little constellation Lyra, the Lyre, dangling down from it with its bottom canted to the right. Lyra's main stars form a little equilateral triangle (Vega is one corner) and a parallelogram attached to the triangle's bottom star. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Ariake Arena – Built for the Tokyo Olympics which open in a month

This Week: Saturday, May 22 – International Day for Biological Diversity & National Craft Distillery Day

Sunday, May 23 – Drinking With Chickens Day & Neighbor Day & World Turtle Day

Night Sky, 4/23: What is the oldest thing you have ever seen? For everyone in the world it's at least the Sun, age 4.6 billion years. Everything on or near Earth's surface is much younger. But Arcturus, which most people have surely seen whether they knew it or not, since it's one of the brightest stars, is even older . It's a Population II orange giant, whose age is about 7 billion years, which is just passing through our region of the Milky Way.

Monday, May 24 – Brothers' Day & Morse Code Day & Victoria Day

Tuesday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Tap Dance Day & Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Wednesday, May 26 – Day of Vesak & National Paper Airplane Day & World Otter Day

Night Sky, 5/26: If you are in Australia, parts of the western US, western South America, or in South-East Asia, you will see the Super Flower Full Moon totally eclipsed and turn a shade of red for about 14 minutes during this total lunar eclipse weather permitting. Total Lunar Eclipse on May 26, 2021 – Where and When to See (timeanddate.com)

Thursday, May 27 – Eat More Fruits and Vegetables Day

It was Terry's first time in a restaurant and he was trying to remember everything his mother had told him. He ordered off the menu, enjoyed the meal, paid the bill, and pushed his waiter down on the floor. It was all good fun but he still didn't understand why you were supposed to tip the waiter. / The waitresses at the T-Rex restaurant seemed really stressed out. I guess they must have been short-handed

..........I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor..........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Bring Me Down

^^ The United States eats 350 slices of pizza every second.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and read for a couple of years.

Moonbeam: Love is a serious mental disease. --Plato

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie praying over the trail mix he has already eaten.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The castle, once occupied by the man who inspired Count Dracula, is offering free puncturing services. Really, Dracula? You think anyone's going to fall for this? Reps from the castle confirmed that every weekend in May, walk-in appointments for the COVID vaccine will be available, but they cannot confirm you will walk out. --Mos Jobrani Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 5/14/21

UNESCO’s Interreligious Dialogue programme, an essential component of Intercultural Dialogue, aims to promote dialogue among different religions, spiritual, and humanistic traditions in a world where conflicts are increasingly associated with religious belonging. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

I was at the diner and the waiter asked me if I wanted to hear today's special. When I nodded, he said, “Today is very special.” / If you think the waitress is bad...you should see the manager.

..........You can tell all my pets, all my Harlem coquettes..........Fats Waller …..Lulu's Back in Town

^^^ Luis XIII in Salerno, Italy has the world’s most expensive pizza with a price tag of $12,000! This is no ordinary pizza, first the dough is aged perfectly before the chef arrives at your home. Yes, they will create this masterpiece in your home kitchen. Some of the ingredients include, three types of caviar, lobster from Norway, Cilento, bufala mozzarella cheese, and grains of pink Australian sea-salt from the Murray River.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teach your kids to love music gear and they'll never have enough money to buy drugs.

Weird Word of the Week: US: Jalap or UK: Jollop – a liquid medicine of some sort, particularly cough syrup or a laxative. World Wide Words: Jollop

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Preserve floral arrangements. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on baby's breath, broom grass, and cattails to help preserve them. Hair Spray works like fixative, holding delicate buds and flowers in place. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Jim Dale, of Plano, Texas. Think of a word with six syllables that's spelled with only 11 letters — and the four middle syllables have the same vowel. What word is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/16/21

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Jooooe's Diiiiiiiner."

...........If it's the last thing we ever do...........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..We Gotta Get Out of This Place

^^^^ In 2001, the Russian Space Agency was paid more than a million bucks to deliver a six-inch pizza to the International Space Station. Russian cosmonaut,Yuri Usachov had the honor of being the first person to receive a pizza delivery while in orbit.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-Shirt: I survived the great fuel shortage of Thursday.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Supanova Comic-Con & Gaming Expo (Melbourne, 22-23) Fast tracked from cinemas... Home - Supanova Comic Con & Gaming

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Bionanotechnology and Advanced Biorheology Conference (Vancouver, 20-21) ...diverse scholarly events... International Conference on Advanced Bionanotechnology, Biocatalysis and Biorheology ICABBB in May 2021 in Vancouver (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eligibility

Disgusting food. Terrible service. Drunk waiters. My uncle's hotel welcomes you. / Went to a burger joint a while ago. My son, 8 at the time, ordered sliders. When the waitress came with our orders, his plate fell and the food went everywhere. He looked at me straight-faced and said, "I guess that's why they call them sliders."

..........Here we are, out of cigarettes........Fats Waller …..Two Sleepy People

^^^^^ Future King David delivered roasted grain, bread, and cheese (that sounds like pizza to me) to his brothers on the battlefield and that's how he happened to meet and defeat Goliath. I Samuel 17

Science Quote of the Week: It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract. --Alan Shepard, astronaut

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not saying lumber prices are getting out of hand but I was thinking of building a birdhouse and the bank turned down my loan. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, May 21, 1979: Elton John became the first western rocker to perform live in the USSR.

What do you call a Rhodes Scholar with a bottle of champagne? A waiter / Oh, waitress, there's a caterpillar in my salad.” “I'm so sorry sir, I didn't know you were vegetarian.”

..........I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 21, 2021, ePistle aWaiting. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: People are not like a business. --Harold Robbins

Cost of War:

As of 5/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,131,592,158,506.

As of 5/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,129,633,103,397.

As of 5/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,037,577,540,682.

As of 5/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,036,245,690,807.

As of 5/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $854,040,229,066.

As of 5/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $852,365,911,126.

As of 5/20/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,736,400,926.

As of 5/13/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,355,867,211.

As of 5/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,372,947,403,285.

As of 5/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,367,601,364,425.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Placing culture at the heart of development policy constitutes an essential investment in the world's future and a pre-condition to successful globalization processes that take into account the principles of cultural diversity. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

Famous Last Words: I am gently going to my grave. It is the will of God. --Father Damien's last public writing

..........Dream awhile, scheme a while..........Fats Waller …..I Can't Give You Anything But Love

The new restaurant has a science fiction theme. I was served by Darth Waiter. / I've never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when your waitress arrives with your food.

May Peace serve you

And Joy nurture you

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Elderly ePistle

 Famous First Words: COVID-19 VACCINES ARE SAFE AND EFFECTIVE --The Health & Human Services Website

It is National Nursing Home Week (9-15). Overheard in the dining room: If I had murdered you 30 years ago, I'd be out on parole by now.

.........Tired of weeping, tired of moaning...........Cream …..I'm So Glad

As news spread of the brutality faced by Freedom Riders in Anniston and Birmingham, Alabama, the American public had to make a choice: Would it support democracy or mob rule? ~ Adam Strom

It is an incredibly beautiful Friday morning. The blue sky is sprinkled with cheerful white clouds and 62°F is an ideal temperature. The sun comes and goes, shining through the field of white billows. I had an excellent doctor's appointment which always makes the day brighter. Birds are singing in un-orchestrated groups,discussing philosophy for a while and then moving on. The trip to the doctor's office smelled of cars and traffic and the backyard smells of lumber from the storage shed in progress. But the rest of the world smells like flowers and mown grass and spring. And I sip from my cup of Mother's Day coffee and think about you.

Hope your weekend is fintastic, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.

Sunny Acres nursing home is so big, elderly Eddie uses GPS to find his way back to his room.

..........a rub dub, just relaxing in the tub........Bobby Darin …..Splish Splash

Trivia Questions: Happy Underground America Day ! What do we know about Earth-Sheltered Houses?

^ Why live in an earth-sheltered house anyway?

^^ What are the two types of earth-sheltered houses?

^^^ When and/or where were the oldest known earth-sheltered houses used?

^^^^ About how much would it cost to buy an abandoned missile silo as underground housing?

^^^^^ Name a famous fictional earth-sheltered village.

Big Hello: Miyaxwe – Cupeño (Southern California) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Instead of a sign that says “do not disturb” I need one that says “already disturbed, proceed with caution”. --Submitted by cf of ks

Max Picture of the Week: Broken leg, what broken leg

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 80/20 Rule: 80% of your patrons will show up during the last 20 minutes you are open https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Downside of Nursing Home Living: elderly Edith doing a pole dance using her cane.

..........It's getting near dawn,when lights close their tired eyes.........Cream …..Sunshine of Your Love

Moonbeam: I believe a lot of disease comes from anxiety, loneliness. --Tom Cochrane

Meditation Seed of the Week: Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The first thing I learned about God was he needed money. --George Carlin

Week of the Week: American Craft Beer Week (10-16) --Craft Beer: It isn't alcoholism; it's a hobby. / Craft Beer: Technically it is a solution.

Down at Sunny Acres instead of food fights, they have pill fights.

..........I told you 'bout the swans, that they live in the park........Cream …..Badge

^ If you are looking for a home with energy-efficient features that will provide a comfortable, tranquil, weather-resistant dwelling, an earth-sheltered house could be right for you.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 14, 2021. The moon is 3 days old and is in Gemini. It is Apraxia Awareness Day, National Chicken Dance Day, National Decency Day, Stars and Stripes Forever Day, and Underground America Day. Because it is the second Friday it is also Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks A Voice.

Among those born on this day were Peder Horrebow (1679), Gabriel Daniel Fahrenheit (1686), Thomas Gainsborough (1727), Heloise (1919), Bobby Darin (Walden Waldo Cassotto, 1936), Dick Howser (1937), Jack Bruce (Cream, 1943), George Lucas (1944), Robert Jarvik (1946), Al Ciner (1947), Robert Zemeckis (1948), Tom Cochrane (1953), and Gillian Bradshaw (1956).

On May fourteenth delegates gathered in Philadelphia to draw up the US constitution (1787), Lewis and Clark left St Louis (1804), Mendelssohn's Hebrides premiered (1832), Borden patented his process for condensed milk (1853), Vaseline was first sold (1878), the lowest US temperature for May was recorded at -10F (climax CO, 1896), the first passenger flight took off (1908), "We Want Beer" parade was held in NYC (1932), the US officially recognized Israel (1948), the Ernie Kovacs Show debuted (NBC, 1951), the first busload of Freedom Riders arrived in Alabama where they were bombed and burned (1961) ~~Actually freedom rides began in the 1940s. They were organized by C.O.R.E.~~ Underground America Day was first observed (1964), Kuwait became the 111th member of the United Nations (1963), abortion and contraception were legalized in Canada (1969), two Jackson State University students were murdered by the police (1970), Skylab, the first Space Station, was launched (1973), the US nuked Nevada (1975), and Department of Health & Human Services began operation (1980).

Night Sky, 5/14: In early twilight, spot the crescent Moon in the west-northwest. Upper left of it by about 13° (for North America) is little Mars. About the same distance lower right of the Moon is Mercury, and farther to the Moon's lower left is Betelgeuse, the last bright star of Orion to depart as spring advances. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Our new storage shed...on the hoof

This Week: Saturday, May 15 – Morel Mushroom Day & Nylon Stockings Day & the Running of the Preakness

Sunday, May 16 – National Piercing Day & Biographer's Day & Rural Life Sunday & Biographer's Day

Night Sky, 5/16: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark in May: Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest. They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun, and because they're all relatively nearby: 37, 25, and 42 light-years from us, respectively.

Monday, May 17 – World Hypertension Day & Same Sex Marriage Day

Tuesday, May 18 – International Museum Day & Visit You Relatives Day

Wednesday, May 19 – National Scooter Day & National Juice Slush Day

Night Sky, 5/19: Jupiter and Saturn (in dim Aquarius and Capricornus, respectively) are well up in the southeast as the first light of dawn begins. Jupiter grabs the eye at magnitude –2.3. Saturn, 16° to Jupiter's right, is one sixteenth as bright at magnitude +0.7.

Thursday, May 20 – Weights and Measures Day & World Bee Day

Nursing Home Truths: People are never too old to not know better.

..........Same old love story you've heard before........Bobby Darin …..Rainin'

^^ Earth-sheltered houses come in Underground (the name says it all) and bermed. A bermed house may be built above grade or partially below grade, with earth covering one or more walls. An “elevational” bermed design exposes one elevation or face of the house and covers the other sides—and sometimes the roof—with earth to protect and insulate the house.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Homophobia: The irrational fear that a gang of gay men will break into your home and completely redecorate. --Submitted by sd of ks

Moonbeam: Music is one of those things that make us feel a little less alone in the world. --Tom Cochrane

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Both of my sources for late night jokes are demanding that I subscribe to the newspaper before I can have access to the jokes. What to do, what to do? ...Who could not find a tiger in Texas. It's not a planned parenthood. --Trevor Noah /

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie the camo swinger

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Mr. Humm is the chef and owner of Eleven Madison Park in New York, called one of the greatest restaurants in the world and the first three-star Michelin restaurant to make the change to an all-plant-based menu. The restaurant says the switch became possible after finally perfecting a way to force feed a plant to fatten up its liver. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/8/21

Democracy is a process, not a static condition. It is becoming rather than being. It can easily be lost, but never is fully won. Its essence is eternal struggle. ~ William H. Hastie, the nation's first black federal judge

One day I intend to be that little old person in the nursing home that leads the rebellion and puts vodka in all the IV bags.

..........And watches the ships that go sailin'........Bobby Darin …..Beyond the Sea

^^^ It is thought that from about 15,000 BC migratory hunters in Europe were using turf and earth to insulate simple round huts that were also sunk into the ground .

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They say you're only as old as you feel. I think I may be an exhumed mummy or something. --Submitted by ss of mo

Weird Word of the Week: Jamoke aka moke – A person who provides muscle for a local street boss World Wide Words: Jamoke

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Stiffen ruffled curtains. Hold the fabric taut and spray with Alberto VO5 Hair Spray. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Evan Kalish, of Bayside, NY. Name a famous blues singer — first and last name as this person is generally known. Change the first letter to a "B," and phonetically you'll get a nationality. Who's the singer, and what's the nationality? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/9/21

I promise to put more effort into choosing your nursing home than I did with that last birthday card.

...........I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines........Cream …..White Room

^^^^ Missile silos range from $99,000 to $450,000.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's that special Scottish word for when it's cold, grey, cloomy, and raining? Sumer

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Three conspiracy theorists walk into a TARDIS. Don't tell me that's just a coincidence.

Actual Science Joke of the Week: A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?” “You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist. “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ma Rainey → Bahraini

Downside of Nursing Home Living-- They refuse to fill your humidifier with beer.

..........You're the sun and as you shine on me........Cream …..I Feel Free

^^^^^ Hobbit houses were bermed. So Hobbiton is a famous, fictional village of earth-sheltered houses.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week: Girl with a Pearl Earring

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Fauci says nausea and splitting headache are symptoms of talking to Rand Paul --The Borowitz Report

Today's Peace of History, May 14, 1941: The first groups of WWII conscientious objectors (COs) were ordered to report to camp at Patapsco, Maryland. They and others formed the Civilian Public Service (CPS) during the war. They performed various duties, among others being trained as smokejumpers dealing with forest fires.

Elderly Ellen got thrown out of Sunny Acres for making dildos during crafts hour.

..........If you don't watch out it will stick to you........Cream …..Strange Brew

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 14, 2021, Elderly ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: As a songwriter, if you can touch people and make them feel a little less alone in the world, then you've done your job. --Tom Cochrane

Cost of War:

As of 5/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,129,633,103,397.

As of 5/6/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,127,648,786,691.

As of 5/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,036,245,690,807.

As of 5/6/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,034,897,068,147

As of 5/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $852,365,911,126.

As of 5/6/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $850,670,729,706.

As of 5/13/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,355,867,211.

As of 5/6/21Veterans Care since 2001: $348,970,547,946.

As of 5/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,367,601,364,425.

As of 5/6/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,362,188,765,083.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The Freedom Riders were remarkable, fearless Americans. They were extraordinary, ordinary people . . . young people who took the reins of history and wouldn't let go. ~ Mark Samels

Famous Last Words: Come with us we'll sail the seas of cheese. --Primus

..........So there's never, never a trace of red........Bobby Darin …..Mack the Knife

Overheard in the dining room: These aren't wrinkles, they're laughter lines. Wow, something must have been hilarious.

May Peace stay with you always

And Joy remain your close companion

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Grilled ePistle

 Famous First Words: Wiegenlied Guten Abend Lullaby Johannes Brahms

May is National Barbecue Month. Nobody throws a BBQ as good as me. My record is 21 feet. / You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling steak on the BBQ? Ever wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn?

..........desperately remained at home..........Janis Ian …..At Seventeen

He who stops being better stops being good. --Oliver Cromwell

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sun adorns a cloudy sky crowded with fluffy white clouds against an azure blue background. A breeze gently coaxes the tree branches into motion for an early morning ballet. The 59°F temperature is welcoming and friendly. Birds are chirping, motors are revving, and a lawn mower in the distance is working. In my own backyard there are birds flitting about looking for heaven knows what. The world smells of new growth and spring. I am sitting at my desk watching through the window; a squirrel is running across the fence, then up the tree and gone from sight. I am sipping Mother's Day Coffee (An unnamed blend described as dark chocolate nutty and bold – seems pretty accurate – the I received for Mother's Day) and watching the wildlife romp around my patio. What a gorgeous morning.

Hope your weekend is spicy and delicious, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do you mean masks aren't effective? I haven't been told to smile by a man in over a year. --Submitted by ab of kc

What's better than a vegan BBQ? Literally anything. / I went to a vegan BBQ last week. I thought the Vegan was overcooked.

..........Let me tell you a story..........Janis Ian …..Lover's Lullaby

Trivia Questions: Happy Mother's Day !

^ What is the oldest recorded Mother festival?

^^ Any idea who held the first Mother's Day celebrations in the US.

^^^ When or why did Mother's Day become an “official” day?

^^^^ Know when Canada celebrates Mother's Day?

^^^^^ About what percentage of mother's are expected to receive jewelry as a gift this Mother's Day?

Big Hello: Sho'daache – Crow https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We've waited 20 years to see a Cheney punished for lying and instead we get a Cheney punished for not lying. --John Fugelsang

Max Picture of the Week: A boy and his cast in the tunnel.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 99.9% of books about Time Management are returned late. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

My librarian friend's favorite thing to bring to a BBQ is shush kebabs. / My Italian neighbor had to give up BBQ because the spaghetti kept falling through the grill.

..........Nothing is forever young – I'm not done..........Janis Ian …..This Train Still Runs

Moonbeam: Grow old with me, the best is yet to be. --Robert Browning

Meditation Seed of the Week: Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Wizard of Oz. (8-10 pm, TCM) –Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again. --Submitted by HPF

Week of the Week: It's National Tourism Week (2-7): Scientists have opened a dimensional rift in one of NYC's most popular tourist spots. They call it Time Squared / A tourist on the London Underground asked how he could get to Heathrow via Barking. So I pointed at a map and woofed.

I went to a vegetarian BBQ. They smoked weed. / You can always tell if the BBQ was smoked with dogwood; just check the bark.

..........Preachers of equality, think they believe it..........Janis Ian …..Society's Child

^ The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of God.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 7, 2021. The moon will be new next Monday and moves from Pisces to Aries today. It is Beaufort Scale (Wind) Day, Cosmopolitan Day (the drink), Cystinosis Awareness Day, National Barrier Awareness Day, and Worldwide Day of Genital Autonomy. Because it is the first Friday it is International Space Day, School Lunch Hero Day, and Tuba Day. And because it is the Friday before Mother's Day it is also Child Care Provider Day, Military Spouse Appreciation Day, National Public Gardens Day, and National Child Care Provider Appreciation Day.

Among those born on this day were Robert Browning (18121), Varina Howell Davis (1826), Johannes Brahms (1833), Peter Illyich Tchaikovsky (1840), Rabindranath Tagore (1861), Gabby Hayes (George, 1885), Archibald MacLeish (1892), Josip Broz Tito (1892), Cary Cooper (1901), Eva Perón (Evita Duarte, 1919), Darren McGavin (1922), Anne Baxter (1923), Gene Wolfe (Rodman, 1931), Johnny Unitas (1933), Willard Scott (1934), John Heard (1944), Janis Ian (1950), and Traci Lords (1968).

On May seventh Joan of Arc broke the English siege of Orléans (1429), the Congress of Cologne formed (Netherlands, 1579), the Theatre Royal opened (Drury Lane, 1663), William Penn began monthly meetings with negroes advocating emancipation (1700), the first Inaugural Ball was held (NYC, 1789 ~~It was held one week after the inauguration itself), the Indiana Territory was organized (1800), Beethoven's 9th premiered (1824), Greece became an independent republic (1832), the American Medical Association was organized (1847), black citizens staged ride-ins to protest segregation (New Orleans, 1867), the plan for the Pulitzer Prizes was approved (1912), the US Congress established Mother's Day (1914), Glenn Wright made an unassisted triple play (Pirates, 1925), Glenn Miller recorded Chattanooga Choo Choo (1941), the West Europe Union was established (1955), and the US nuked Christmas Island (atmospheric test, 1962).

Night Sky, 5/7: Summer is still seven weeks away, but the Summer Triangle is beginning to make its appearance in the east, one star after another. The first in view is bright Vega. It's already visible low in the northeast as twilight fades. Next up is Deneb, lower left of Vega by a little more than two fists at arm's length. Deneb takes about an hour to appear after Vega does, depending on your latitude. The third corner of the triangle is Altair, which shows up far to their lower right by midnight. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Son of Meditation Seed of the Week: Why is it that suddenly everything is lavender scented. Soap, shampoo, men's deodorant Did Bulgaria have a bumper year?

Image of the Week: This is a picture of my mother, I do not know when or where it was taken.

This Week: Saturday, May 8 – American Indian Day & Mother Ocean Day & National Archery Day

Sunday, May 9 - Mother's Day & Rural Life Sunday (aka Rogation Sunday)

This is the weekend of the O Henry Pun-Off in Austin, Texas

Monday, May 10 – Clean Your Room Day & National Hamster Day & National Golf Day

Night Sky, 5/10: The moon will be new at 6:59 pm and will be in Taurus.

Tuesday, May 11 – Eat What You Want Day & National Foam Rolling Day & Root Canal Appreciation Day

Wednesday, May 12 – Eid-Al-Fitr & International Nurses Day & Limerick Day

Night Sky, 5/12: Tonight the Moon and Venus stand in conjunction (5:03 pm CDT)

Thursday, May 13 – Eid-Al-Fitr & Frog Jumping Day & Hummus Day

The BBQ pun is a meataphor. / American BBQ is very good, but Korean BBQ has more Seoul.

..........Anonymous, autonomous..........Janis Ian …..Fly Too High

^^ Early "Mother's Day" in the US was mostly recognized by women's peace groups. An early activity was the meeting of groups of mothers whose sons had served or died on opposite sides of the American Civil War. There were local celebrations in the 1870s and the 1880s, but nothing to speak of on a state or national basis. In 1868 Ann Jarvis created a committee to establish a "Mother's Friendship Day" whose purpose was "to reunite families that had been divided during the Civil War", and she wanted to expand it into an annual memorial for mothers, but she died in 1905 before the celebration became popular.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I like when people who think the 50s were the good old days call you a communist for endorsing economic policies Eisenhower used to make the 50s the good old days. --John Fugelsang --Submitted by bd of ny

Moonbeam: There is no limit to stupidity. -Space itself is said to be bounded by its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity. --Gene Wolfe

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Honestly, in these divided times, it’s just great to see all Americans coming together to fail at something so easily achievable, Thanks to the many people who refuse to take a life-saving vaccine, experts now think that coronavirus is basically going to become one of those antivirus pop-ups, you know? We’re going to minimize it but we’ll never really delete it. --Trevor Noah / Giulani: I’m no legal expert, but I’m pretty sure attorney-client privilege goes away when you read the documents out loud on national television. It’s like the dumb, criminal version of your grandma reading you a funny meme she found on Facebook.--Seth Meyers / The Oscars: How can something so woke put so many people to sleep? --Jimmy Kimmel

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Mountain man Ollie and mom

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: "Citizen Kane" is no longer the greatest movie ever made. That title, according to the review aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes, is now bestowed on "Paddington 2." Film purists are upset. They say that since "Paddington 2" is, of course, a sequel, the fair comparison should be to "Citizen Kane 2: The Legend Of Rosebud's Gold" (ph). --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/1/21

The real strong have no need to prove it to the phonies. --Charles Manson

If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, would he call it Limp Brisket? / At the BBQ I was in charge of sides. I was going to bake potatoes but the plans got foiled.

..........Now am I humble, who once was proud..........Janis Ian …..Light a Light

^^^ In 1904 Frank E Hering of the Fraternal Order of Eagles, made the first recorded public plea for "a national day to honor mothers". It was not until 1914 that President Woodrow Wilson signed the orders that made Mother's Day a national holiday in the United States, due largely to the continued efforts of Anna Jarvis (daughter of Ann Jarvis). She asked that white carnations be the official mother's day symbol.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe I'm happy but asymptomatic. --Submitted by MMS

Weird Word of the Week: Ishkabibble – Dismissive slang expression. It looks and sounds Yiddish (nish gefidlt, nicht gefiedelt) World Wide Words: Ishkabibble

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Laminate recipe cards. Spray with Alberto VO5 hair spray to give the cards a protective gloss. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Peter Gordon of Great Neck, N.Y. Think of a person in the entertainment industry (5,4). The first name and last name each have at least two consonants and two vowels. All the consonants in each name come at the start, and all the vowels come at the end. The letter "y" is not used. Who is this famous person? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/1/21

My neighbor invited me for BBQ but it turned out to be a line of Barbie dolls. / I don't want to say my dad was a bad cook, but he used to ask, “how would you like your steak...overcooked, burned to a crisp, or completely incinerated”?

...........People lust for fame like athletes in a game..........Janis Ian …..Stars

^^^^ In Canada we celebrate Mothers Day on the same day as the United States, the second Sunday of every May.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: AtomaCon 2021 (7-9, North Charleston, SC) ...a multi-genre, panel driven convention AtomaCon

Actual Science Joke of the Week: International Conference on Space Operations (SpaceOps): 3-7, Cape Town, South Africa) -addressing state-of-the-art operation principles SpaceOps (May 2021), International Conference on Space Operations, Cape Town South Africa - Conference (10times.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Chloe Zhao ~~I had never heard of her.

The secret to great BBQ is to have KC Masterpiece on speed dial. / My BBQ comes with a little kick, especially if you insult my cooking.

..........Wonderous things to see and be done..........Janis Ian …..Hair of Spun Gold

^^^^^ 36% of Americans plan to buy their mom jewelry. However, flowers still remain the most popular gift options with 69%.

Recreating Famous Movie Characters With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Rack Slabbath BBQ (A real rib house: Rack Slabbath BBQ - Barbecue, Catering, Caterer )

Today's Peace of History, May 7, 1984: American veterans of the Vietnam War reached a $180 million out-of-court settlement with 7 chemical companies in a class-action suit against the herbicide Agent Orange. ~~Apparently every person who had any contact with Agent Orange has diabetes.

We grill out so often, my husband's blood test came back: 60% propane and 20% BBQ sauce. / When we lived in Colorado we used to fire up the grill right after we shoveled a foot of snow off the deck.

..........Teach you how before we're done..........Janis Ian …..When The Party's Over

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 7, 2021, Grilled ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: What is more important to a library than anything else – than everything else – is the fact that it exists. --Archibald MacLeish

Cost of War:

As of 5/6/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,127,648,786,691.

As of 4/29/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,125,652,358,929.

As of 5/6/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,034,897,068,147

As of 4/29/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,033,540,501,779.

As of 5/6/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $850,670,729,706.

As of 4/29/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $848,965,283,317.

As of 5/6/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $348,970,547,946.

As of 4/29/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $348,583,036,396.

As of 5/6/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,362,188,765,083.

As of 4/29/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,356,742,156,094.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Even if a unity of faith is not possible, a unity of love is. --Hans Urs von Balthasar

Famous Last Words: Blow on the coal of the heart and we'll know...We'll know... Archibald MacLeish JB

..........Then we made our peace..........Janis Ian …..Water Colors

May you always be surrounded by good friends and better BBQ. / I installed a treadmill to the front of my BBQ grill. It's the most exercise I've gotten in years.

May Peace infuse your days

And Joy marinade your nights

prairie mama

christine

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