ePistle aWaits

 Famous First Words: Blood Donor Shortage ..American Red Cross website ~~It can help you find a donation center near you

It's National Waitstaff Day! I complained to the waitress that my coffee tastes like mud. “It should,” she said,” it was fresh ground this morning.” / My boyfriend is a waiter who only wears Armani suits. I told him to act his wage.

..........I don't stay out late, don't care to go..........Fats Waller …..Aint' Misbehavin'

Equitable exchange and dialogue among civilizations, cultures, and peoples, based on mutual understanding and respect and the equal dignity of all cultures is the essential prerequisite for constructing social cohesion, reconciliation among peoples, and peace among nations. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

It is another rainy Friday morning, warm (71°F) and muggy (RH 89%). The sky is completely covered with featureless white clouds that are not quite thick enough to mask the presence of the sun above them. There is a south wind that blows around the tree limbs and flower stalks and even the short grasses. Five different shades of green are revealed on one tree as it dances in the wind. I venture onto the patio in bare feet. It feels good. A hawk flies over, slowly circling. I wave to her but she does not respond. The backyard is still littered with the lumber of the soon (hopefully) to be storage shed. The wind smells not just of damp soil and wet foliage but of sodden wood. Yesterday was the eighth day in a row with measurable rainfall and Bruno's yard is beginning to look like a lake. (When does it stop being good for the farmers?) Puck does not like rain or wet patios or grass. He looks at me as if to ask: aren't you obligated to provide a dry place for me to pee? I retreat indoors where it is dry and sweeten up a cup of decaf. It is a good morning to sit down and write to you.

Hope your weekend is fast and friendly, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: That was a cyberattack? I thought it was the latest Windows update. --Submitted by the Heinlein Society

Say what you want to say about waitresses, but they bring a lot to the table. / I'm never going back to that restaurant. The waiter body-shamed me. He told me he was sorry for my weight.

..........My mother was a tailor, she sewed my new blue jeans.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..House of the Rising Sun

Trivia Questions: In honor of National Pizza Party Day – What do we know about pizza?

^ Any idea when or where the “modern” pizza originated?

^^ How many slices of pizza does the US eat per, oh , let's say per second?

^^^ Care to guess how much the world's most expensive pizza costs or where to find it?

^^^^ What do you know about pizza delivery in space?

^^^^^ Who was the first known pizza delivery boy? --Yes, you do know, you just don't know you know.

Big Hello: Hello – Cuyonon (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When spiders unite they can tie down a lion. --African Proverb

Max Picture of the Week AND Recreating art with anything at hand: Max, sans cast, says he is a pirate and I say he is The Boy With The Pearl Earring, sans earring.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Due to strange noises, 67% of staff refuse to be in the library alone. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I once dated a one legged waiter. He worked at IHOP. / I think my waitress is hungry. She keeps asking how my food is.

..........I just want to live while I'm alive.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..It's My Life

Moonbeam: When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. --Al Franken

Meditation Seed of the Week: How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person? Ask them who won the election. --Submitted by dr of oh

Week of the Week: National Transportation Week (16-22) --The saddest form of transportation? Moped / The Biden administration is obsessed with “green” transportation. So the buses are running on thyme.

Waitress, do you have lobster tails? Yes, Once upon a time there was a little lobster named Lenny and he... / The waiter asked if I had any questions about the menu but he couldn't tell me if the burger fonts were Cambria or Sitka.

..........When we're passing by, flowers droop and sigh.........Fats Waller …..Honeysuckle Rose

^ Greeks and Egyptians were cooking a pizza like flatbread and topping it with olive oil and spices. The “modern pizza” as we know it evolved in Naples Italy, when tomato was added in the late 18th century.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 21, 2021. The moon was in the first quarter on Wednesday and is in Virgo. It is American Red Cross Founder's Day, End of the World Day aka Rapture Party Day, I Need A Patch For That Day, National Waitstaff Day, Sister Maria Hummel Day, and World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development. Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, and National Pizza Party Day.

Among those born on this day were Plato (427 BCE), Albrecht Dürer (1471), Alexander Pope (1688), Elizabeth Fry (1780), Léon Bourgeois (1851), Fats Waller (Thomas Wright, 1904), Robert Montgomery (1904), Harold Robbins (1916), Dennis Day (1917), Raymond Burr (1917), Peggy Cass (1924), Robert Creeley (1926), Hilton Valentine (Animals, 1943), Al Franken (1951), Judge Reinhold (1957), and Tracy Simien (1967).

On May twenty-first the Treaty of Troyes gave France to England (1420), Lady Jane Grey married Guildford Dudley (1553), the West Indian Company sold 1/3 of Suriname (1683), Lewis and Clark set out (1804), bicycles were first introduced in the US (NYC, 1819), the first Democratic National Convention was held (1832), New Zealand became a British colony (1840), Lawrence was sacked by pro-slavery forces (1856), North Carolina seceded (10th, 1861), Father Damien was ordained (Hawaii, 1864), the American Red Cross was founded (1881), US National Lawn Tennis Association was founded (1881), Greyhound Bus Company opened for business (1914), US House passed the woman suffrage amendment (1918), Lindbergh completed ths first solo transatlantic flight by a man (1917), Earhart completed first solo, transatlantic flight by a woman (1932), Oskaloosa, IA first used fingerprints in court (1934), US nuked Bikini Atoll (1956), Gypsy opened on Broadway (1959), the National Guard was mobilized to quell protests at Ohio State University (1970), the last episode of Newhart aired (1990),

Night Sky, 5/21: Vega is now nicely up in the east-northeast after dark. Look for its faint little constellation Lyra, the Lyre, dangling down from it with its bottom canted to the right. Lyra's main stars form a little equilateral triangle (Vega is one corner) and a parallelogram attached to the triangle's bottom star. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Ariake Arena – Built for the Tokyo Olympics which open in a month

This Week: Saturday, May 22 – International Day for Biological Diversity & National Craft Distillery Day

Sunday, May 23 – Drinking With Chickens Day & Neighbor Day & World Turtle Day

Night Sky, 4/23: What is the oldest thing you have ever seen? For everyone in the world it's at least the Sun, age 4.6 billion years. Everything on or near Earth's surface is much younger. But Arcturus, which most people have surely seen whether they knew it or not, since it's one of the brightest stars, is even older . It's a Population II orange giant, whose age is about 7 billion years, which is just passing through our region of the Milky Way.

Monday, May 24 – Brothers' Day & Morse Code Day & Victoria Day

Tuesday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Tap Dance Day & Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Wednesday, May 26 – Day of Vesak & National Paper Airplane Day & World Otter Day

Night Sky, 5/26: If you are in Australia, parts of the western US, western South America, or in South-East Asia, you will see the Super Flower Full Moon totally eclipsed and turn a shade of red for about 14 minutes during this total lunar eclipse weather permitting. Total Lunar Eclipse on May 26, 2021 – Where and When to See (timeanddate.com)

Thursday, May 27 – Eat More Fruits and Vegetables Day

It was Terry's first time in a restaurant and he was trying to remember everything his mother had told him. He ordered off the menu, enjoyed the meal, paid the bill, and pushed his waiter down on the floor. It was all good fun but he still didn't understand why you were supposed to tip the waiter. / The waitresses at the T-Rex restaurant seemed really stressed out. I guess they must have been short-handed

..........I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor..........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Bring Me Down

^^ The United States eats 350 slices of pizza every second.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and read for a couple of years.

Moonbeam: Love is a serious mental disease. --Plato

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie praying over the trail mix he has already eaten.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The castle, once occupied by the man who inspired Count Dracula, is offering free puncturing services. Really, Dracula? You think anyone's going to fall for this? Reps from the castle confirmed that every weekend in May, walk-in appointments for the COVID vaccine will be available, but they cannot confirm you will walk out. --Mos Jobrani Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 5/14/21

UNESCO’s Interreligious Dialogue programme, an essential component of Intercultural Dialogue, aims to promote dialogue among different religions, spiritual, and humanistic traditions in a world where conflicts are increasingly associated with religious belonging. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

I was at the diner and the waiter asked me if I wanted to hear today's special. When I nodded, he said, “Today is very special.” / If you think the waitress is bad...you should see the manager.

..........You can tell all my pets, all my Harlem coquettes..........Fats Waller …..Lulu's Back in Town

^^^ Luis XIII in Salerno, Italy has the world’s most expensive pizza with a price tag of $12,000! This is no ordinary pizza, first the dough is aged perfectly before the chef arrives at your home. Yes, they will create this masterpiece in your home kitchen. Some of the ingredients include, three types of caviar, lobster from Norway, Cilento, bufala mozzarella cheese, and grains of pink Australian sea-salt from the Murray River.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teach your kids to love music gear and they'll never have enough money to buy drugs.

Weird Word of the Week: US: Jalap or UK: Jollop – a liquid medicine of some sort, particularly cough syrup or a laxative. World Wide Words: Jollop

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Preserve floral arrangements. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on baby's breath, broom grass, and cattails to help preserve them. Hair Spray works like fixative, holding delicate buds and flowers in place. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Jim Dale, of Plano, Texas. Think of a word with six syllables that's spelled with only 11 letters — and the four middle syllables have the same vowel. What word is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/16/21

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Jooooe's Diiiiiiiner."

...........If it's the last thing we ever do...........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..We Gotta Get Out of This Place

^^^^ In 2001, the Russian Space Agency was paid more than a million bucks to deliver a six-inch pizza to the International Space Station. Russian cosmonaut,Yuri Usachov had the honor of being the first person to receive a pizza delivery while in orbit.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-Shirt: I survived the great fuel shortage of Thursday.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Supanova Comic-Con & Gaming Expo (Melbourne, 22-23) Fast tracked from cinemas... Home - Supanova Comic Con & Gaming

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Bionanotechnology and Advanced Biorheology Conference (Vancouver, 20-21) ...diverse scholarly events... International Conference on Advanced Bionanotechnology, Biocatalysis and Biorheology ICABBB in May 2021 in Vancouver (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eligibility

Disgusting food. Terrible service. Drunk waiters. My uncle's hotel welcomes you. / Went to a burger joint a while ago. My son, 8 at the time, ordered sliders. When the waitress came with our orders, his plate fell and the food went everywhere. He looked at me straight-faced and said, "I guess that's why they call them sliders."

..........Here we are, out of cigarettes........Fats Waller …..Two Sleepy People

^^^^^ Future King David delivered roasted grain, bread, and cheese (that sounds like pizza to me) to his brothers on the battlefield and that's how he happened to meet and defeat Goliath. I Samuel 17

Science Quote of the Week: It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract. --Alan Shepard, astronaut

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not saying lumber prices are getting out of hand but I was thinking of building a birdhouse and the bank turned down my loan. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, May 21, 1979: Elton John became the first western rocker to perform live in the USSR.

What do you call a Rhodes Scholar with a bottle of champagne? A waiter / Oh, waitress, there's a caterpillar in my salad.” “I'm so sorry sir, I didn't know you were vegetarian.”

..........I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 21, 2021, ePistle aWaiting. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: People are not like a business. --Harold Robbins

Cost of War:

As of 5/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,131,592,158,506.

As of 5/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,129,633,103,397.

As of 5/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,037,577,540,682.

As of 5/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,036,245,690,807.

As of 5/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $854,040,229,066.

As of 5/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $852,365,911,126.

As of 5/20/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,736,400,926.

As of 5/13/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,355,867,211.

As of 5/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,372,947,403,285.

As of 5/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,367,601,364,425.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Placing culture at the heart of development policy constitutes an essential investment in the world's future and a pre-condition to successful globalization processes that take into account the principles of cultural diversity. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

Famous Last Words: I am gently going to my grave. It is the will of God. --Father Damien's last public writing

..........Dream awhile, scheme a while..........Fats Waller …..I Can't Give You Anything But Love

The new restaurant has a science fiction theme. I was served by Darth Waiter. / I've never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when your waitress arrives with your food.

May Peace serve you

And Joy nurture you

prairie mama

christine

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