Friday, May 19, 2017

pUnny ePistle

Famous First Words: Oh, we're meetin' at the courthouse at 8 o'clock tonight... Chad Mitchell Trio The John Birch Society
This is the weekend of the 2017 O Henry Pun-Off. Just for a Wordy Cause ...Rhain Louis and Pat Tanzola, aka The Pun Gents are two pun guys from Toronto, Canada who have fouled some of the finest shrooms with their relentless schtink. And we thank them for their pundertaking.
..........Clean shirt, new shoes.........ZZ Top …..Sharp Dressed Man
If someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliché that must have been left behind in the 60s, that's a problem. Peace and love are eternal. -John Lennon
It is a damp Friday morning. The sky is covered with thick gray smothering any attempt of the rising sun to be seen or felt; puffs and ruffles and wisps of darker and lighter gray swirl about beneath the thicker coat. There is only a slight breeze, but each time it passes it sprinkles raindrops abandoned in the trees onto the people and dogs below. It tickles the skin with small, cold dots. Birds do not seem to mind and sing happily. The beautiful, white dogs that now share our fence have become habit. Neither Puck nor Pax pay attention to them but instead bark at a squirrel who crossed the street and disappeared. The earth smells of mud and wet pavement and humidity. There are mud puddles here and there in the backyard generally in a fashionable pattern of paw prints large and small. Finally, I return to my rooms but Puck goes through the back door, through the house, and down the front stairs to join me. So here I sit, sweetened coffee taste on my tongue, little dog on my lap, and thoughts of you on my mind.
Hope your weekend is so jammin' you call it Bob Marley, ePistliers
Subject: Magic 1) You're really potion your luck with this one. 2) I've wand-ered into dangerous territory.
..........Well, I'm going out west, out on the coast.........The Ramones …..California Sun
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Circus !!
^ How many Ringling Brothers were there anyway?
^^ Where was the circus founded?
^^^ What did the Ringlings do before they bought the circus?
^^^^ Any idea when they added all those other circuses – Barnum, Bailey, etc.?
^^^^^ Know anything about Ringling sisters?
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 23% of librarians are too embarrassed at this point to admit that they don't know who Benedict Cumberbatch is. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Dashiell Update: My son, Dashiell, is in the hospital today facing gall bladder surgery...and, of course, more tests. Yesterday morning he developed terrible pain in his gut and they determined it was pancreatitis from gall stones. He was born in 1983 and this is the first time he has ever spent overnight in a hospital. So, in general, he's a pretty healthy guy and I expect him to recover nicely and be back to his old self soon.
Moonbeam: “Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.” --Nora Ephron
Topic: Marriage & Divorce: 1) I don't even really think I can commit to this category. 2) You don't appear very well groomed.
..........You appear and the morning looks drab in my eyes.........The Who …..Sunrise
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: 안녕하세요 (annyeonghaseyo) – Korean (informal)
Week of the Week: Bike to Work Week (May 15-19) –Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. --Mark Twain
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: KeyCon 34 – May 19-21, Winnipeg, Manitoba. ...don’t ask about the year Cthulhu rose from R’lyeh) http://www.keycon.org/2017/
Shop Pun of the Year: Small businesses in London, England love serving up humor with a side of cheese. The city’s home to such delightful establishments as a fish-and-chips restaurant named “The Codfather”, a barber shop dubbed “Jack the Clipper”, and a wine & spirits store known as “Planet of the Grapes”.
..........I said, Lord, take me downtown.........ZZ Top …..Tush
^ The 7 Ringling Brothers were Albert (Al), Augustus Gustav (Gus), Otto, Alfred Theodore (Alf), Charles Edward, John Nicholas, and Henry.
Almanac: It is Friday, May 19, 2017. The moon was last quarter yesterday and is in Pisces. It is Boys Club Day, May Ray Day, National Scooter Day, National Hepatitus Testing Day and National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Finland recognizes Flag Day of the Army, Turkey commorates Youth & Sports Day and in Vietnam they celebrate Ho Chi Minh's Birthday (1890). Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, O. Henry Pun-off Weekend, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense Transportation Day, and National Pizza Party Day.
Among those born on this day were Giovanni della Robbia (1469), Johann G Fichte (1762), Johns Hopkins (1795), Alice Mary Smith (1839), Nellie Melba (1859), Waldorf Astor and Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor (1879), Allard R Hulshoff (1880), Ho Chi Minh (1890), Pol Pot (1915), Malcolm X (Little, 1925), Paul Cooper (1926), James Charles Lehrer (1934), David Hartman (1935), Nora Ephron (1941), Peter Townshend (The Who, 1945), Grace Jones (1948), Dusty Hill (ZZ Top, 1949), and Joey Ramone (aka Jeffrey Hyman, Ramones, 1951).
On May nineteenth Elizabeth I arrested Mary queen of Scots (1568), Massachusetts Bay, Plymouth, Connecticut, & New Harbor formed the United Colonies of New England (1643), hunting encroachment on Native American lands was restricted by law (1796), the French Order of Legion d'Honneur formed (1802), Mexico gave Texas to the US (1848), the Homestead Act became law (1862), the Ringling Brothers Circus premiered (1884), Rice Institute was chartered (became Rice University, 1891), Boys Club of America was organized (1906), Ravel's L'Heure Espagnole premiered (1911), the first annual "Frog Jumping Jubilee" was held (1928), the NFL adopted the college draft procedure (1935), 8 radio dis jockeys were accused of taking payola (1960), Chad Mitchell Trio's John Birch Society hit the charts (1962), Eric Clapton married Pattie Boyd (1979), Intelsat V was launched (1983), and Amy Fisher shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco (1992).
Night Sky, 5/19: With the Moon out of the evening sky, can you see the big Coma Berenices star cluster? Does your light pollution really hide it, or do you just not know exactly where to look? It's 2/5 of the way from Denebola (Leo's tail) to the end of the Big Dipper's handle (Ursa Major's tail). Its brightest members form an inverted Y. The entire cluster is about 5° wide — a big, dim glow when seen in at least a moderately dark sky. It nearly fills a binocular view.
This Week: Saturday, May 20 – Do Dah Day & Weights & Measures Day
Night Sky, 5/20: With summer still a month away (astronomically speaking), the last star of the Summer Triangle doesn't rise above the eastern horizon until about 10 or 11 pm. That's Altair, the Triangle's lower right corner. Its highest and brightest corner is Vega. The third is Deneb, sparkling less far to Vega's lower left.
Sunday, May 21 – World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development & Neighbor Day
Monday, May 22 – National Maritime Day & World Goth Day
Night Sky,, 5/22: Summer Milky Way preview: For much of the spring at mid-northern latitudes, the Milky Way lies right down all around the horizon after dark, completely out of sight. But as night grows late, watch low in the east to northeast. There the rich Cygnus stretch of the Milky Way starts rising into view by around 11 pm. It will rise earlier and higher every week.
Tuesday, May 23 – National Taffy Day & World Turtle Day
Wednesday, May 24 – Morse Code Day & International Tiara Day
Night Sky, 5/24: As the stars come out, face north and look almost straight up for the Big Dipper, now in its floating-upside-down position. Its handle curves in the direction toward bright Arcturus.
Thursday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Wine Day
Shop Pun of the Year Runners-Up: A secondhand store call “Junk & Disorderly”, a furniture store called “Sofa So Good” and a yarn store called “World of Woolcraft”.
..........She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out.........The Who …..Squeeze Box
^^ The World's Greatest show was founded in Baraboo, WI in 1884.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: Does the KBG refer to Trump as “Agent Orange”? Does the secret service?
Moonbeam: “When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” --Nora Ephron
Late Night Snacks: France elected a new president. Centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron won the French presidential election, defeating the far-right candidate Marine Le Pen. Macron won by a large margin, easily getting more votes — which, most Americans will be surprised to learn, is how you win most elections in almost all the countries.. --James Corden / Former President Bill Clinton is teaming up with author James Patterson to write a new book called “The President Is Missing.” It’ll be followed by the sequel, “Never Mind, He’s at the Golf Course.” --Seth Meyers / The next season of “Scandal” will be its last. ABC is ending “Scandal.” Fortunately, the White House picked it up for four more seasons. --Jimmy Fallon / About 300 Spirit flights have been canceled over the past week, leaving thousands of passengers grounded and angry. It’s hard to say which is worse, a canceled Spirit Airlines flight or actually being on a Spirit Airlines flight. --Jimmy Kimmel / ...the Canadian food inspection agency recently announced that gin is being recalled for having too much alcohol. The recall was announced because bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were found to contain 77 percent alcohol by volume rather than the typical 40 percent. Here’s how you can tell — normally, gin tastes like juniper with hints of lemon and coriander. Seventy-seven percent alcohol gin tastes like regret, with hints of fighting a parking meter. --Stephen Colbert / Former President Bill Clinton is collaborating on a novel about a US president who goes missing. Clinton is describing the novel as “part fiction, part alibi.” --Conan O'Brien
The way of peace is the way of love. Love is the greatest power on earth. It conquers all things. --Peace Pilgrim
Henry Pun-Off World Championships are organized by a group called “Punsters United Nearly Yearly” (P.U.N.Y.). The contestants are called Punslingers. Some people believe the whole thing belongs in the punitentiary, but I favor the punthouse.
..........That deaf, dumb and blind kid.........The Who …..Pinball Wizard
^^^ Five of the brothers performed skits and juggling routines in town halls around the state of Wisconsin. Their first show was on November 27, 1882. They called this the "Ringling Bros. Variety Performance".
Worthless Fact of the Week: Intelsat V F-67was part of an advanced series of satellites designed to provide greater telecommunications capacity for Intelsat's global network. The satellite was deactivated in August, 1996.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Congressional COP: 91% Male / 95% White / 0% Vertebrate. --Submitted by fb of az
Weird Word of the Week: Iraqification – sums up the Bush Administration's policy toward Iraq. McCain used it in Newsweek in 2003. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-ira1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Spice up your baking. Add Tang to your cake and cookie mixes for an “orange zest”. For instance, to give a sponge cake a zesty flavor, mix two tablespoons Tang to the water before baking the batter. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html
Topic Toys: “I used to have curly hair… and stinging insects kept coming up to it. I had to say, ‘Get out of my Frizz, Bee!’” --Ben Ziek / When I was a kid, I lived down the street from the Parker Brothers. They were a pair of twins named Milton and Bradley, and they lived with their Uncle Wiggily.
...........I hit that street a-runnin' and try to meet the masses.........ZZ Top …..Cheap Sunglasses
^^^^ In 1907 Ringling Bros. acquired the Barnum & Bailey Circus, merging them in 1919 to become Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, promoted as The Greatest Show on Earth.
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Hurried – to have moved or worked rapidly. A Comedy of Errors Act V, Scene I: Adriana: That desperately he hurried through the street, with him his bondman...
Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: How many of these visual puns can you name? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3992226/Can-guess-ridiculous-visual-puns.html
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck running for 3rd in the bottom on the 9th in the case of Royal's Redbone.
8 Mile, my first-round opponent had frozen when his turn came to pun on waterborne vehicles. Seriously, yacht a word came out. Canoe believe it? --Ben Ziek / That's the last boat not the least of the puns.
..........Why don't you all f-f-fade away.........The Who …..My Generation
^^^^^ There was a single Ringling sister, Ida Loraina.
Month of the Week: May in Tennis Month –The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. --Mitch Hedberg
Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Arizona has so many, it's hard to choose just one. For the sake of brevity here's Horseshoe Bend a near circle made by the Colorado River at Antelope Canyon. http://horseshoebend.com/#
Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, May 19, 1934: 10,000 participated in a "No More War" march in New York City.
Topic: Eyes 1) So I've got a little kitty at home, and every time I make a loud noise the CATARACTS." 2) "Wow, what a great PUPIL." 3) "IRIS to the occasion."
..........Ring me, ring me, ring me.........The Ramones …..The KKK Took My Baby
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle May 19, 2017, pUnny ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ I need a real and permanent tagline. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Moonbeam: “Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.” --Nora Ephron
Cost of War:
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/18/17: $772,024,387,799.
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/4/17: $770,018,519,377.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/18/17: $820,495,431,544.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/11/17: $820,474,989,397.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/18/17: $15,035,797,231.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/11/17: $14,928,293,153.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/18/17: $149,856,365,774.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/11/17: $149,258,200,892.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/18/17: $1,762,049,585,333.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/11/17: $1,760,588,537,028.
Love does more than bring peace where there is conflict. It brings a different way of being in the world. --Gary Zukav
..........But I was stumblin' thru the parking lot of an invisible seven eleven.........ZZ Top …..My Head's In Mississippi
Topic: Farming: 1) I have to be honest, I'm not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience. 2) That's a load of crop. 3) Wheat a sec, I oat to husk about the punamentals.
Famous Last Words: ...granting preemption rights. --Homestead Act, 1862
May your Peace of cake
And your Joy be owed
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh:

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Friday, May 12, 2017

eXasperated ePistle

Famous First Words: Never happy any more! The Lady's Lament Gabriel Dante Rossetti
The state of women's health is the country has skipped being a joke and gone to being cold blooded murder. But it is Limerick Day...There once were some men in D.C.
Elected by you and by me
Who had nary a care
For the health under where
Our lady parts happen to be.
..........Friday raindrops always bring.........Burt Bacharach …..Saturday Sunshine
That idea of peace and love toward humanity shouldn't be nationalistic or denominational. It should be a chief concern of all mankind. --Mos Def
It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is a soft blue with only a few thin, white streamer clouds to the south to emphasize its absolute azure-ness. There is a great variety of birdsong in the air...tweets, chirps, trills...even a pair of ducks in a great and noisy hurry to get to the wetlands; but mourning doves competing for the Melancholy Morning Prize provide the dominant fugue. Puck missed his inspection of the perimeter because Pax wants to play and he is torn between duty and desire. The world is so very green these days even overhead. It gives me the feeling of bounty, of surplus and it makes the world smell of foliage and flowers. I take a few cleansing breaths of it. So I walk around the yard to see the new fence which is in place, if not exactly finished. The neighbor dogs that will share part of our back fence are inside at the moment. All quiet. Ahhh, but coffee calls me and we return to our rooms to eat dogs treats with milk and fix a sweet, creamy decaf and a talk with old friends. What a nice way to start a weekend.
Hope your weekend is healthy and hale, ePistliers
Their mission is really quite plain:
Stop women from using their brains
To prevent STDs
And to plan families
For a stump speech in their next campaign.
..........Like the wind in the trees.........The Cult …..Be Free
Trivia Questions: It is Fintastic Friday – Giving a voice to sharks...
^ About how many different kinds of sharks are there?
^^ What was the name of the shark in Jaws?
^^^ What do you know about the fins in shark fin soup?
^^^^ What is the world's largest and our closest shark aquarium?
^^^^^ Who gave voice the the sharks Oscar and/or Don Lino in the movie Sharks Tale.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Librarians spend 38% of their time on airplanes trying to figure out what book their neighbor is reading. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Moonbeam: How very little can be done under the spirit of fear. --Florence Nightingale
Their motives are rather insidious
And their smug old man faces look hideous
Telling girls to drop dead
So that they get ahead
In a poll, hoping we stay oblivious.
..........No satisfaction anywhere..........Billy Squier …..Too Daze Gone
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Ko na mauri – Kiribati (Micronesia)
Week of the Week: National Hug Holiday Week (May 7-13) – I did not fall down; the floor looked sad and I thought it needed a hug.
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MARCon (Multiple Alternative Realities Convention, Columbus, OH, 5/12-14) 48 hours of continuous open gaming. http://marcon.org/
They’re serving the public a portion
Of dangerous myths on abortion
And the truth is behind
All the lies they’ve designed
It defies logic out of proportion.
..........Look inside your heart, I'll look inside of mine.........Steve Winwood …..Higher Love
^ There are between 350 and 450 kinds of sharks.
Almanac: It is Friday, May 12, 2017. The moon was full (Pink) on Wednesday and is in Sagittarius. It is Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day, Hug Your Cat Day, International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases , International Nurses Day , Limerick Day, National Nutty Fudge Day, One Day Without Shoes, and Odometer Day. In Finland it is Snellman Day (1806). Khmer Republic commemorates Constitution Day (1972) and in the US it is National Hospital Day (1921). Since it is the Friday before Mother's Day, it is Military Spouse Appreciation Day, and Child Care Provider Day. And because it is the second Fridayit is Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks A Voice.
Among those born on the day were Jan F van Bloom (1662), August II (1670), Giovanni Antonio Ricieri (1679), Justus Freiherr von Liebig (1803), Edward Lear (1812), Florence Nightingale (1820), Gabriel Dante Rossetti (1828), Halsey William Wilson (1868), Lincoln Ellsworth (1880), Heinrich Kirchner (1902), Katharine Hepburn (1907), Dorothy Crowfoot-Hodgkin (1910), Howard K. Smith (1914), Yogi Berra (1925), Burt Bacharach (1929), Millie Perkins (1938), Ronald Ziegler (1939), Anthony Newman (1941), Barry B Longyear (1942), Ian McLagen (Fances , 1946), Steve Winwood (1948), Billy Squier (1950), Gabriel Byrne (1950), Billy Duffy (The Cult, 1961), Emilio Estevez (1962), Vanessa Williams (1963), and Stephen Baldwin (1966).
On May twelfth England and Netherlands formed the League of Augsburg (1689), Maria Theresa was crowned queen of Bohemia (1733), ice cream was first advertised (1777), Manitoba became a Canadian province (1870), street cars in Louisville, KY integrated (1871), the second NAACP conference was held (NYC, 1910), Mussolini ended woman's rights in Italy (1928), Elizabeth Taylor (fourth) married Eddie Fisher (second) (1960), H Rap Brown repleaced Stokely Carmichael as chairman of Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC, 1967), the "March of Poor" led by Rev. Abernathy reached DC (1968), Harry A Blackmun was confirmed onto the Supreme Court (1970), James C Fletcher was appointed head of NASA (1986), Comic Relief 90 raised $4.7 million (4th, 1990), and Cheers closed up (1993).
Night Sky, 5/12: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark - Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest. They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun, and because they're all relatively nearby: 37, 25, and 42 light-years from us, respectively.

This Week: Saturday, May 13 – International Migratory Bird Day & Mother Ocean Day
Sunday, May 14 – Underground America Day & Mother's Day
Night Sky, 5/14: The Arch of Spring spans the western sky in late twilight. Pollux and Castor form its top: they're lined up roughly horizontally in the west-northwest, about three finger-widths at arm's length apart.
Monday, May 15 – International Day of Families & Straw Hat Day
Night Sky, 5/15: If it's clear on the evening of the 15th, and using a small telescope, one could observe the 4 Gallilean Moons lined up on one side of the giant planet.
Tuesday, May 16 – Biographer's Day & Mimosa Day
Wednesday, May 17 – World Hypertension Day & Same Sex Marriage Day
Night Sky 5/17: The planet Mercury reaches greatest western elongation of 25.8 degrees from the Sun. This is the best time to view Mercury since it will be at its highest point above the horizon in the morning sky. Look for the planet low in the eastern sky just before sunrise.
Thursday, May 18 – National Museum Day & Buy A Musical Instrument Day
This tactic is old as the nation:
Congress acting like they’re the salvation
Of women worldwide
When the fact is they hide
In misogyny’s latest creation
..........Then your soul is in the lost and found.........Steve Winwood …..Freedom Rider
^^ The animatronic shark in jaws was called Bruce or The Great White Turd depending on how frustrating it was at a given moment.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: Neil deGrasse Tyson: Evidence that Humans are smarter than Cats: We don't chase Laser dots on the carpet. We're not afraid of Vacuum Cleaners. A Cat Named Bitches: Evidence that cats are smarter than humans: We didn't elect Donald Trump president. We don't we need a second point. --Submitted by sb or ar
Moonbeam: I used to say the evening that I developed the first x-ray photograph I took of insulin in 1935 was the most exciting moment of my life. But the Saturday afternoon in late July 1969, when we realized that the insulin electron density map was interpret-able, runs that moment very close. --Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin
Late Night Snacks: House Republicans today voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though I’m not surprised — they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the cost. --Seth Meyers / I mean, seriously — Drumpf and Putin “fixing” North Korea? That’s like Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich “guarding” a wedding cake. --Jimmy Fallon / Today, FBI Director James Comey said the thought that he helped Donald Drumpf get elected president makes him “mildly nauseous.” Comey then excused himself to attend a meeting of Underreacters Anonymous. --Conan O'Brien / It is not unusual for powerful men to give their son-in-laws "do-nothing" jobs but leave it to Donald Trump, who can't even get nepotism right, to give his a "do-everything" job. --John Oliver / A picture went viral of a man delivering a 30-gallon tub of Cinnabon frosting on a bus — or as we call him in my house, Santa Claus. You just know everyone on that bus was like, “Forget my stop, I’ve got to see how this ends.” 30 gallons — that’s enough for nearly two Cinnabons. --Will Arnett (subbing for Jimmy Kimmel)
We do not want riches, we want peace and love. --Red Cloud
But women have had quite enough
It really should not be this tough
In 2015
To obtain a vaccine
So we don’t get preventable stuff.
..........Tell me what you're searching for.........Steve Winwood …..Another Deal Goes Down
^^^ Genuine shark fin soup or stew is made with shark fins obtained from any of a variety of shark species. Raw shark fins are processed by first removing the skin and denticles, then trimming them to shape and bleaching to a more desirable color.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin (born Hubert Gerold Brown, October 4, 1943), also known as H. Rap Brown, was the fifth chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee in the 1960s, and during a short-lived (six months) alliance between SNCC and the Black Panther Party, he served as their minister of justice.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When women aren't at the table, we're on the menu. --Cecile Richards --Submitted by sb of ar
Weird Word of the Week: Hypnopompic – a drowsy, half-alert, comfortable state Often applied to hallucinations. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hyp3.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe a sore throat. Mix two teaspoons of Tang in a glass of water and drink the orange beverage to fight a sore throat. The vitamin C in Tang may help your body fight the germs invading your throat.
It’s probably worthwhile to mention
That women are paying attention
And they’re not gonna stand
For a man with his hand
In their sexual health and prevention.
...........Shining star – lead us on through our lives.........Steve Winwood …..Shining Song
^^^^ The Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta is the largest aquarium in the world housing more than 100,000 sea creatures. Funded mostly by a $250 million donation from Home Depot co-founder Bernie Marcus, the aquarium opened in November 2005. The Georgia Aquarium is the only institution outside of Asia to house whale sharks. The sharks are kept in a gigantic 24 million liter (6.3 million gallon) tank in the Ocean Voyager exhibit.
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Hobnob – mix socially, especially with those of higher social status. Twelfth Night Act III Scene IV Sir Toby Belch: Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Jeff Sessions is so white you can't wear him after Labor Day. Jeff Sessions is so white he makes Prairie Home Companion look like a Kendrick Lamar concert. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: Whoopi Goldberg from Comic Relief VI (1994) on Lorena Bobbitt and leveling the playing field. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olm-eJwTpac
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck and his faithful companion, Pax, spying on the neighbors in the case of the Maltese Mole.
Speaking of Spying on the Neighbors of the Week: The house behind us sold and they are putting in a fence...this produces a certain amount of anxiety...will I only be able to see fence from now on...well, it isn't a privacy fence it a fence with alternating slats like in the dog picture above. It is a little taller than our fence but it not so high as the average privacy fence. I'll still be able to see the treetops and roofs but not the intersection per se. Puck might miss it; it provides many happy minutes of barking at indistinct objects moving at a distance.
Congress should really take note
And beware all the smears they promote
Because women are pissed
And the chance won’t be missed
To fire them all with our vote.
..........You tell me that you've had enough.........Billy Squier …..Alone In Your Dreams
^^^^^ Will Smith was Oscar and Robert De Niro was Don Lino in the animated movie Shark's Tale.
Month of the Week: May is Drum Month. --A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the  constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long  the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad  when drumming stops."  Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So,  he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's  just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.  After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the  first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens  when the drumming stops?!"  The native replied, "Bass solo."
Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Alaska Maritime National Wildlife Refuge...Fiords, bays, lakes, glaciers, mountains, and hundreds of islands … Pictures
Activism of the Week: There is a resistance group in St. Joseph, Missouri. They call themselves The Presisterhood of St. Jo. A couple of weeks after the women's march some news outfit reported that lots of people were happy with the Trump regime, after all no one in St. Joseph was protesting. St. Joseph has, actually, been pretty active since then. Go, St. Joseph!
Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, May 12, 1968: The Poor People's Campaign, organized by the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) began when contingents of the poor, mainly from the south, began pitching tents in a "Resurrection City" near the Lincoln Memorial.
If an Iowa Rep has his way
Women’s rights will yet further decay.
Zygote-rights will be greater
Than gals’, as polls cater
To nuts. Will he fail? Let us pray. --Madeleine Begun Kane
..........B52 baby, way up in the sky..........The Cult …..Peace Dog
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle May 12, 2017, eXasperated ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ No News, No Slogan. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nevertheless, She Preexisted --submitted by mh of ks
Moonbeam: There was an old man with a beard,
who said: 'It is just as I feared!
two owls and a hen,
four larks and a wren
have all built their nests in my beard. -Edward Lear
Cost of War:
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/11/17: $771,324,949,513.
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/4/17: $770,018,519,377.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/11/17: $820,474,989,397.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/4/17: $820,456,464,446.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/11/17: $14,928,293,153.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/4/17: $14,830,839,714.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/11/17: $149,258,200,892.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/4/17: $148,715,942,012.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/11/17: $1,760,588,537,028.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/4/17: $1,759,265,054,937.
Without justice and love, peace will always be the great illusion. --Archbishop Helder Pessoa Camara
..........No, not just for some but for everyone.........Burt Bacharach …..What The World Need Now Is Love
Republicans love to pass laws
That restrict female parts, without pause.
But just utter “vagina”—
They’ll ship you to China.
Censor gals in all ways — that’s their cause. --Madeleine Begun Kane
Famous Last Words: Clever Girl. --Jurassic Park
May Peace season your life
And Joy spice your experience
prairie mama
christine

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Friday, May 5, 2017

eNdive ePistle

Famous First Words: She isn't coming yet. Dorothy Wizard of Oz, the movie
May is Salad Month. That restaurant serves salads so fresh they have to live with their aunty and uncle in Belaire.
..........That you're moving on the back roads by the rivers of my mem'ry.........Tammy Wynette …..Gentle On My Mind
Every human longs for peace and love. --Hiawatha
It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The temperature is 48°F and the rising sun streams light and shadows in the strange shapes of fence posts and treetops. Birds from a gazillion species are singing the praises this day; I even hear the honk of geese overhead but cannot find them in the cloudless blue expanse; they must be flying low behind the western tree line. The dogs – three of them are out this morning enjoying the air – mill about, nose dew off of the grass, and drink from the fountain. Cars and school buses add sampling to the morning cantata but they are soon gone. It seems as if the world is framed in green – across the bottom lawns are at peak color, up the sides bushes rise and fill with leaves and across the top tree limbs dangle foliage. And in the center the blues and whites and reds of flowers – irises mostly – and the earth tone houses, and the white cars. But I return inside, to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Ah, and here I am with the taste of coffee on my tongue and the taste of you in my mind. Opah!
Hope your weekend is a toss of everything good, epistliers.
This salad is so badly dressed, even Lady Gaga would be shocked. / Why did the tomato blush? She saw the salad dressing.
..........Rocket engines burning fuel so fast.........Black Sabbath …..Into The Void
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Billboard!
^ In what city did Billboard originate?
^^ Any idea who the original publishers were?
^^^ What was the focus of the early Billboard content?
^^^^ In what decade did Billboard run a radio broadcasting station?
^^^^^ What decade saw the first Billboard music hit parade chart?
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Cookbook collecting is the fifth-most common addiction of librarians. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Moonbeam: Food is our common ground, a universal experience. --James Beard

...........eternally noble, historically fair.........Rex Harrison …..A Hymn To Him
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Muraho – Kinyarwanda (Uganda)
Week of the Week: Wildflower Week (May 1-7) –When I cross bred a four-leaf clover with poison ivy, I got a rash of good luck.
Not Quite Amazing Thing on YouTube: Jo's brother is running for city council in Colleyville, TX. Here's a song he wrote for his campaign, I'm for Colleyville. “I'm for love and I'm for Colleyville” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBTAHKaINrc
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: I found no science fiction conventions this week. A rare occasion. --He described himself as a “Reverse TARDIS”, i.e. bigger on the outside. But his partner described him as “Reverse TARDIS”, smaller on the inside.
Yo salad is so limp not even viagra could help it. / He knew it was a Caesar Salad because it had been stabbed 23 times.
..........Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.........Tammy Wynette …..Stand By Your Man
^ Billboard was first published in Cincinnati, Ohio in 1894 as Billboard Advertising and covered the advertising and bill posting industry.
Almanac: It is Friday, May 5, 2017. The moon was 1st quarter last Tuesday and is in Virgo. It is National Cartoonists Day, Childhood Stroke Awareness Day, Cinco de Mayo, International Day of The Midwife, International Roller Derby Day, National Astronaut Day, National Hoagie Day, National Military Spouse Appreciation Day, National Totally Chipotle Day, Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith), Tuba Day, World Password Day. Because it is the first Friday it is also International Space Day.
Among those born on this day were Philippe Quinault (1635), Soren Kierkegaard (1813), Karl Marx (1818), Eugenie M de Montijo y de Guzman (1826), Henryk Sienkiewicz (1846), Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochran Seaman, 1867), Charles Bender (1883), Christopher Morley (1890), Spencer Tracy (1900), James Beard (1903), Rex Harrison (Reginald Carey, 1908), Tyrone Power (1913), Ann B David (1926), Pat Carroll (1927), Tammy Wynette (1942), John Rhys-Davies (1944), Bill Ward (Black Sabbath, 1948), Rex Goh (Air Supply, 1951), Billy Burnette (Fleetwood Mac, 1953), and Peter Erskine (Weather Report, 1954).
On May fifth the second Council of Constantinople opened (553), a peace treaty between Russia and Prussia was signed (1762), the American Medical Associaton was organized (1847), Carnegie Hall opened (Tchaikovsky conducting, 1891), Billboard began publishing (1900), the US invaded the Dominican Republic (1916), Sinclair Lewis refused the Pulitzer Prize (far Arrowsmith, 1926), Gandhi was freed from prison (1944), Damn Yankees opened (1955), US tested nuclear bomb at Enwetak (1958), there were riots in Quebec (1964), the Iran-Contra hearings began (1987), there was a conjunction of the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and the Moon (2000).
Night Sky, 5/5: The Moon tonight forms a gently curving arc with, to its lower left, bright Jupiter and then Spica. Look between the Moon and Jupiter for 3rd-magnitude Porrima (Gamma Virginis), a fine, close telescopic double star.
This Week: Saturday, May 6 – Free Comic Book Day & National Homebrew Day & the running of the Kentucky Derby
Night Sky, 5/6: Eta Aquarids Meteor Shower. The Eta Aquarids is an above average shower, capable of producing up to 60 meteors per hour at its peak. Most of the activity is seen in the Southern Hemisphere. In the Northern Hemisphere, the rate can reach about 30 meteors per hour.
Sunday, May 7 – Cosmopolitan Day (the drink) & National Barrier Awareness Day
Night Sky, 5/7: Now the Moon is under Leo's tail star, Denebola (by about a fist at arm's length). To the Moon's lower left is bright Jupiter, with Spica about half again farther on.
Monday, May 8 – National Women's Check-Up Day & No Socks Day & World Red Cross/Red Crescent Day
Night Sky, 5/8: Summer is still a way aways, but the Summer Triangle is beginning to make its appearance in the east, one star after another. The first up in view is Vega. It's already visible low in the northeast as twilight fades. Next up is Deneb, lower left of Vega by two or three fists at arm's length. Deneb rises about an hour after Vega does, depending on your latitude. The third to rise is Altair, which shows up far to their lower right around midnight.
Tuesday, May 9 – National Moscato Day & Occupational Safety & Health Professionals Day
Wednesday, May 10 – Bike to School Day & School Nurse Day
Night Sky 5/10: Full (Flower) Moon.
Thursday, May 11 – National Foam Rolling Day & Root Canal Appreciation Day
How do you kill a salad? Go for the carroitid artery. / A honeymoon salad is lettuce alone, no dressing.
..........When all else fails and you have nothing..........Air Supply …..Bring Out The Magic
^^ William Donaldson and James Hennegan were the first publishers. Hennegan owned a printing company and Donaldson did everything else. Donaldson purchased Hennegan's interest in 1900 which seems to be when the magazine is credited with beginning.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution. --Jasper Fforde
Moonbeam: Energy rightly applied and directed will accomplish anything. --Nellie Bly
Late Night Snacks: The Drumpf administration has a very strong rationale for simplifying the tax code. “In 1935, we had a one-page tax form consisting of 34 lines with two pages of instructions. Today, the basic 1040 form has 79 lines and 211 pages of instructions.” 1935 was the height of the Great Depression, so the two-page form was just “Page 1: Do you have money? Yes or no.” And page 2 was so you would have something to eat. --Stephen Colbert / President Drumpf unveiled his new tax plan today. And it’s pretty much the same as his old plan: He’s not gonna pay them. --Seth Meyers / After a month of very bad PR, United Airlines is offering up to $10,000 to passengers on overbooked flights. But you know another thing they could do? Stop selling more tickets than there are seats on the plane! Just don’t do that! --James Corden / United Airlines fell by 66 percent in an annual survey of passengers’ favorite airlines, down to just 3.3 percent. Although, that means that 3.3 percent of travelers saw a man get dragged off a plane and thought, “This is my favorite airline.” --Jimmy Fallon / L.A. is one of the two finalists to host the 2024 Olympics. So if you want to attend one of the events in L.A., you should get on the freeway now. --Conan O'Brien
Nothing is wrong with peace and love. It is all the more regrettable that so many of Christ's followers seem to disagree. --Richard Dawkins
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. / Just a salad for me. A vanilla ice cream salad with hot fudge dressing and marshmallow croutons.
..........I'm seeing nowhere through the eyes of a lie.........Black Sabbath …..Hole In The Sky
^^^ Billboard covered the advertising industry (Columns like The Indefatigable and Tireless Industry of the Bill Poster) and also covered outdoor entertainment – fairs, carnivals, circuses, vaudeville, etc. It began of cover movies and include gossip.
Worthless Fact of the Week: When tubas became a member of the orchestra they replaced the ophicleide. The ophicleide was perfectly fine as an instrument but clever marketing made the tuba sound more modern and it soon replaced the older ophicleide.
Weird Word of the Week: Gorp – trail mix. But in 1904 it meant to eat greedily. OR it's an acronym: Granola, Oatmeal, Raisins and Peanuts. http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-gor1.htm
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal. It's Science.
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Teach a cat to stop scratching or chewing certain spots in your home or chewing any item. Dissolve one-half teaspoon Tang Orange Drink Mix and 2 cups isopropyl alcohol in a sixteen-ounce trigger spray bottle. Spray the solution on whatever items the cat loves chewing. Cats despise the smell of oranges and will give up on that item. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html
...........I've got friends out in space.........Air Supply …..Secret Agent
^^^^ The Billboard Radio Broadcasting Station began in the 1920.
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Hint – to suggest or indicate something indirectly or covertly. Othello Act I Scene III Othello: Rough quarries, rocks and hills whose heads touch heaven it was my hint to speak...
Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: I found a site that will translate the word peace in almost every known living language. An Anglican version is given to help pronounce the word, but other writing systems are also shown. http://www.columbia.edu/~fdc/pace/ I grew up in Wyandotte County. The Wyandots are Hurons. Peace in Huron is Scan-o-nie. ~~ When I'm through with “hello”, I'll do peace.
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck karate chopping Pax in the case of the Gollie Guru.
This salad tastes like I'd rather be fat. / Lead, uranium, lettuce, and cocaine are all gluten-free.
..........Man wadaya tike me for, a fool?.........Rex Harrison …..Why Can't The English Learn To Speak
^^^^^ Billboard published the first music hit parade on January 4, 1936 and introduced a "Record Buying Guide" in January 1939. In 1940, it introduced "Chart Line", which tracks the best-selling records. This was followed by a chart for jukebox records in 1944 called Music BoxMachine charts. By the 1940s, Billboard was more of a music industry specialist publication. The number of charts it published grew after World War II, due to a growing variety of music interests and genres. It had eight charts by 1987, covering different genres and formats, and 28 charts by 1994.
Month of the Week: May is Family Reunion Month - We didn’t provide any alcohol at this family reunion. We were concerned people would start being honest with each other.
Post Amazing Thing on the Internet of the Week: Lawrence's Own singer/'songwriter, Joe Douglas, leader of the late New World Order Peace Choir, singing his own Post Factual World. ...you can believe most anything if you try... https://youtu.be/_dEDbRDCAmQ
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The worst thing about being Vegan is getting up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
Most Beautiful Nature in the State: Alabama - Monte Sano State Park...The park offers over 20 miles of hiking trails so you may get back in the woods to enjoy the serenity of the mountain. An 8 mile mountain bike trail is being constructed and maintained by local riders. Pictures ~~Last week was the last of the Famous Kansans so now we're looking at the most beautiful spot in each state.
Today's Peace of History: May 5, 1991: The last U.S. cruise missile left Greenham Common Air Base in England, the site of a decade of women's anti-nuclear protests. The encampment persisted for nearly another decade until it was returned to public access.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree, which makes it a plant, so chocolate is a salad. End of story.
..........You can take me to paradise...........Fleetwood Mac …..Over My Head
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle May 5, 2017, eNdive ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Old news. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Moonbeam: Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. --Sǿren Kierkegaard
Cost of War:
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/4/17: $770,691,101,918.
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 4/27/17: $770,018,519,377.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/4/17: $820,456,464,446.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 4/27/17: $820,436,807,468.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/4/17: $14,830,839,714.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 4/27/17: $14,727,477,668.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/4/17: $148,715,942,012.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 4/27/17: $148,140,817,465.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/4/17: $1,759,265,054,937.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 4/27/17: $1,757,860,450,472.
I'm not an idealist. I know we're not going to be living in a world that's peace and love all the time. But we can live in a world where we kill each other a lot less. --Michael Franti
..........Everything 's waiting for you..........Fleetwood Mac …..Go Your Own Way
I went to a business meeting the other week, put a kebab on the desk and said “we really have to think about strategy”. One of my colleagues asked “what’s with the kebab?” I said “salad and a little chilli sauce”.
Famous Last Words: Shut up and deal. Miss Kubelik The Apartment
May Peace oil your greens
And Joy dress your salad
prairie mama
christine
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