Famous
First Words: Oh,
we're meetin' at the courthouse at 8 o'clock tonight... Chad Mitchell
Trio The
John Birch Society
This
is the weekend of the 2017 O
Henry Pun-Off.
Just
for a Wordy Cause
...Rhain
Louis and
Pat Tanzola,
aka The Pun Gents are two pun guys from Toronto, Canada who have
fouled
some of the finest shrooms
with
their relentless schtink.
And we thank them for their pundertaking.
..........Clean
shirt, new shoes.........ZZ Top …..Sharp Dressed Man
If
someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliché that must have
been left behind in the 60s, that's a problem. Peace and love are
eternal. -John Lennon
It
is a damp Friday morning. The sky is covered with thick gray
smothering any attempt of the rising sun to be seen or felt; puffs
and ruffles and wisps of darker and lighter gray swirl about beneath
the thicker coat. There is only a slight breeze, but each time it
passes it sprinkles raindrops abandoned in the trees onto the people
and dogs below. It tickles the skin with small, cold dots. Birds do
not seem to mind and sing happily. The beautiful, white dogs that now
share our fence have become habit. Neither Puck nor Pax pay
attention to them but instead bark at a squirrel who crossed the
street and disappeared. The earth smells of mud and wet pavement and
humidity. There are mud puddles here and there in the backyard
generally in a fashionable pattern of paw prints large and small.
Finally, I return to my rooms but Puck goes through the back door,
through the house, and down the front stairs to join me. So here I
sit, sweetened coffee taste on my tongue, little dog on my lap, and
thoughts of you on my mind.
Hope
your weekend is so jammin' you call it Bob Marley, ePistliers
Subject:
Magic 1) You're really potion your luck with this one. 2) I've
wand-ered into dangerous territory.
..........Well,
I'm going out west, out on the coast.........The Ramones
…..California Sun
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday to the Circus !!
^
How many Ringling Brothers were there anyway?
^^
Where was the circus founded?
^^^
What did the Ringlings do before they bought the circus?
^^^^
Any idea when they added all those other circuses – Barnum, Bailey,
etc.?
^^^^^
Know anything about Ringling sisters?
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
23% of librarians are too embarrassed at this point to admit that
they don't know who Benedict Cumberbatch is.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Dashiell
Update: My son, Dashiell, is in the
hospital today facing gall bladder surgery...and, of course, more
tests. Yesterday morning he developed terrible pain in his gut and
they determined it was pancreatitis from gall stones. He was born in
1983 and this is the first time he has ever spent overnight in a
hospital. So, in general, he's a pretty healthy guy and I expect him
to recover nicely and be back to his old self soon.
Moonbeam:
“Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy
school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened
pencils if I knew your name and address.” --Nora Ephron
Topic:
Marriage & Divorce: 1) I don't even really think I can commit to
this category. 2) You don't appear very well groomed.
..........You
appear and the morning looks drab in my eyes.........The Who
…..Sunrise
Something
to Think About of the Week:
Week
of the Week: Bike to Work Week (May
15-19) –Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you
live. --Mark Twain
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
KeyCon 34 – May 19-21, Winnipeg, Manitoba. ...don’t ask about
the year Cthulhu rose from R’lyeh) http://www.keycon.org/2017/
Shop
Pun of the Year: Small businesses in London, England love serving up
humor with a side of cheese. The city’s home to such delightful
establishments as a fish-and-chips restaurant named “The
Codfather”, a barber shop dubbed “Jack the Clipper”, and a wine
& spirits store known as “Planet of the Grapes”.
..........I
said, Lord, take me downtown.........ZZ Top …..Tush
^
The 7 Ringling Brothers were Albert (Al), Augustus Gustav (Gus),
Otto, Alfred Theodore (Alf), Charles Edward, John Nicholas, and
Henry.
Almanac:
It is Friday, May 19, 2017. The moon was last quarter yesterday and
is in Pisces. It is Boys Club Day, May Ray Day,
National Scooter Day, National Hepatitus Testing Day and National
Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Finland
recognizes Flag Day of the Army, Turkey commorates Youth & Sports
Day and in Vietnam they celebrate Ho Chi Minh's Birthday (1890).
Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered
Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, O. Henry Pun-off
Weekend, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense
Transportation Day, and National Pizza Party Day.
Among
those born on this day were Giovanni della Robbia (1469), Johann G
Fichte (1762), Johns Hopkins (1795), Alice Mary Smith (1839), Nellie
Melba (1859), Waldorf Astor and Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor (1879),
Allard R Hulshoff (1880), Ho Chi Minh (1890), Pol Pot (1915), Malcolm
X (Little, 1925), Paul Cooper (1926), James Charles Lehrer (1934),
David Hartman (1935), Nora Ephron (1941), Peter Townshend (The Who,
1945), Grace Jones (1948), Dusty Hill (ZZ Top, 1949), and Joey Ramone
(aka Jeffrey Hyman, Ramones, 1951).
On
May nineteenth Elizabeth I arrested Mary queen of Scots (1568),
Massachusetts Bay, Plymouth, Connecticut, & New Harbor formed the
United Colonies of New England (1643), hunting encroachment on Native
American lands was restricted by law (1796), the French Order of
Legion d'Honneur formed (1802), Mexico gave Texas to the US (1848),
the Homestead Act became law (1862), the Ringling Brothers Circus
premiered (1884), Rice Institute was chartered (became Rice
University, 1891), Boys Club of America was organized (1906), Ravel's
L'Heure
Espagnole premiered
(1911), the first annual "Frog Jumping Jubilee" was held
(1928), the NFL adopted the college draft procedure (1935), 8 radio
dis jockeys were accused of taking payola (1960), Chad Mitchell
Trio's John
Birch Society
hit the charts (1962), Eric Clapton married Pattie Boyd (1979),
Intelsat V was launched (1983), and Amy Fisher shot Mary Jo
Buttafuoco (1992).
Night
Sky, 5/19:
With the Moon out of the evening sky, can you see the big Coma
Berenices star cluster? Does your light pollution really hide it, or
do you just not know exactly where to look? It's 2/5 of the way from
Denebola (Leo's tail) to the end of the Big Dipper's handle (Ursa
Major's tail). Its brightest members form an inverted Y. The entire
cluster is about 5° wide — a big, dim glow when seen in at least a
moderately dark sky. It nearly fills a binocular view.
This
Week: Saturday,
May 20 – Do
Dah Day & Weights & Measures Day
Night
Sky, 5/20: With summer still a month away (astronomically
speaking), the last star of the Summer Triangle doesn't rise above
the eastern horizon until about 10 or 11 pm. That's Altair, the
Triangle's lower right corner. Its highest and brightest corner is
Vega. The third is Deneb, sparkling less far to Vega's lower left.
Sunday,
May 21 – World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue &
Development & Neighbor Day
Monday,
May 22 – National Maritime Day & World Goth Day
Night
Sky,, 5/22: Summer Milky Way preview: For much of the spring
at mid-northern latitudes, the Milky Way lies right down all around
the horizon after dark, completely out of sight. But as night grows
late, watch low in the east to northeast. There the rich Cygnus
stretch of the Milky Way starts rising into view by around 11 pm. It
will rise earlier and higher every week.
Tuesday,
May 23 – National Taffy Day & World Turtle Day
Wednesday,
May 24 – Morse Code Day & International Tiara Day
Night
Sky, 5/24: As the stars come out, face north and look almost
straight up for the Big Dipper, now in its floating-upside-down
position. Its handle curves in the direction toward bright Arcturus.
Thursday,
May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Wine Day
Shop
Pun of the Year Runners-Up: A secondhand store call “Junk &
Disorderly”, a furniture store called “Sofa So Good” and a yarn
store called “World of Woolcraft”.
..........She
goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and
out.........The Who …..Squeeze Box
^^
The World's Greatest show was founded in Baraboo, WI in 1884.
Funniest
thing I read of the Week: Does the KBG refer to Trump as
“Agent Orange”? Does the secret service?
Moonbeam:
“When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so
that someone in the house is happy to see you.” --Nora Ephron
Late
Night Snacks: France elected a new president.
Centrist candidate Emmanuel Macron won the French presidential
election, defeating the far-right candidate Marine Le Pen. Macron won
by a large margin, easily getting more votes — which, most
Americans will be surprised to learn, is how you win most elections
in almost all the countries.. --James Corden / Former President Bill
Clinton is teaming up with author James Patterson to write a new book
called “The President Is Missing.” It’ll be followed by the
sequel, “Never Mind, He’s at the Golf Course.” --Seth Meyers /
The next season of “Scandal” will be its last. ABC is ending
“Scandal.” Fortunately, the White House picked it up for four
more seasons. --Jimmy Fallon / About 300 Spirit flights have been
canceled over the past week, leaving thousands of passengers grounded
and angry. It’s hard to say which is worse, a canceled Spirit
Airlines flight or actually being on a Spirit Airlines flight.
--Jimmy Kimmel / ...the Canadian food inspection agency recently
announced that gin is being recalled for having too much alcohol. The
recall was announced because bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were
found to contain 77 percent alcohol by volume rather than the typical
40 percent. Here’s how you can tell — normally, gin tastes like
juniper with hints of lemon and coriander. Seventy-seven percent
alcohol gin tastes like regret, with hints of fighting a parking
meter. --Stephen Colbert / Former President Bill Clinton is
collaborating on a novel about a US president who goes missing.
Clinton is describing the novel as “part fiction, part alibi.”
--Conan O'Brien
The
way of peace is the way of love. Love is the greatest power on
earth. It conquers all things. --Peace Pilgrim
Henry
Pun-Off World Championships are organized by a group called “Punsters
United Nearly Yearly” (P.U.N.Y.). The contestants are called
Punslingers. Some people believe the whole thing belongs in
the punitentiary, but I favor the punthouse.
..........That
deaf, dumb and blind kid.........The Who …..Pinball Wizard
^^^
Five of the brothers performed skits and juggling routines in town
halls around the state of Wisconsin. Their first show was on November
27, 1882. They called this the "Ringling Bros. Variety
Performance".
Worthless
Fact of the Week:
Intelsat V F-67was part of an advanced series of satellites designed
to provide greater telecommunications capacity for Intelsat's
global network. The satellite was deactivated in August, 1996.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Congressional
COP: 91% Male / 95% White / 0% Vertebrate. --Submitted by fb of az
Weird
Word of the Week:
Iraqification – sums up the Bush Administration's policy toward
Iraq. McCain used it in Newsweek in 2003.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-ira1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Spice up your baking. Add Tang to your cake and cookie mixes for an
“orange zest”. For instance, to give a sponge cake a zesty
flavor, mix two tablespoons Tang to the water before baking the
batter. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tang.html
Topic
Toys: “I used to have curly hair… and stinging insects kept
coming up to it. I had to say, ‘Get out of my Frizz, Bee!’”
--Ben Ziek / When I was a kid, I lived down the street from the
Parker Brothers. They were a pair of twins named Milton and Bradley,
and they lived with their Uncle Wiggily.
...........I
hit that street a-runnin' and try to meet the masses.........ZZ Top
…..Cheap Sunglasses
^^^^
In
1907 Ringling Bros. acquired the Barnum & Bailey Circus, merging
them in 1919 to become Ringling
Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, promoted as The
Greatest Show on Earth.
Word
Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Hurried – to have moved or
worked rapidly. A Comedy of Errors
Act V, Scene I: Adriana: That desperately he hurried through the
street, with him his bondman...
Amazing
Thing on the Internet of the Week:
How many of these visual puns can you name?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3992226/Can-guess-ridiculous-visual-puns.html
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck running for 3rd
in the bottom on the 9th in the case of Royal's Redbone.
8
Mile, my
first-round opponent had frozen when his turn came to pun on
waterborne vehicles. Seriously, yacht a word came out. Canoe believe
it? --Ben Ziek / That's the last boat not the least of the puns.
..........Why
don't you all f-f-fade away.........The Who …..My Generation
^^^^^
There was a single Ringling sister, Ida Loraina.
Month
of the Week: May in Tennis Month –The
depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll
never be as good as a wall. --Mitch Hedberg
Most
Beautiful Thing in the State:
Arizona has so many, it's hard to choose just one. For the sake of
brevity here's Horseshoe Bend a near circle made by the Colorado
River at Antelope Canyon. http://horseshoebend.com/#
Today's
Peace of History: Today's Peace of History,
May 19, 1934: 10,000 participated in a "No More War" march
in New York City.
Topic:
Eyes 1) So
I've got a little kitty at home, and every time I make a loud noise
the CATARACTS." 2) "Wow, what a great PUPIL." 3) "IRIS
to the occasion."
..........Ring
me, ring me, ring me.........The Ramones …..The KKK Took My Baby
Masthead
of the Week:
fRiday ePistle May 19, 2017, pUnny ePistle. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
I
need a real and permanent tagline.
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS
66046
Moonbeam:
“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I
was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this
minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're
thirty-four.” --Nora Ephron
Cost
of War:
Tax
dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/18/17: $772,024,387,799.
Tax
dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 5/4/17: $770,018,519,377.
Tax
dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/18/17:
$820,495,431,544.
Tax
dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 5/11/17:
$820,474,989,397.
Tax
dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/18/17: $15,035,797,231.
Tax
dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 5/11/17: $14,928,293,153.
Tax
dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/18/17:
$149,856,365,774.
Tax
dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 5/11/17:
$149,258,200,892.
Tax
dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/18/17:
$1,762,049,585,333.
Tax
dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 5/11/17:
$1,760,588,537,028.
Love
does more than bring peace where there is conflict. It brings a
different way of being in the world. --Gary Zukav
..........But
I was stumblin' thru the parking lot of an invisible seven
eleven.........ZZ Top …..My Head's In Mississippi
Topic:
Farming: 1) I have to be honest, I'm not this funny. I have a lot
of plants in the audience. 2) That's a load of crop. 3) Wheat a sec,
I oat to husk about the punamentals.
Famous
Last Words: ...granting preemption rights. --Homestead Act,
1862
May
your Peace of cake
And
your Joy be owed
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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