Famous First Words: Dowd house... Opening Line of Harvey by Mary Chase
Wednesday is Christmas and also the first day of Hanukkah. Thursday is the first day of Kwanzaa. Thursday is also Boxing Day. It is definitely a week to celebrate...or Celebrate! The cat's had a wonderful Christmas Purrty. The donuts got so drunk they were glazed over. The fruit salad was singing “We wish you a Berry Christmas” and Navy seals were decking the halls. ₾ On the third day of Hanukkah mom used to give each of us a little plastic bag of homegrown guilt.
..........Hope everybody's dancing to their own drum this fine morning..........Jethro Tull …..Another Christmas Song
To light one candle to find us together with peace as the song in our hearts. ---Light One Candle by Peter, Paul, and Mary
It is a cold (17°) Friday morning with a wind of 15 mpr. I mean cold. But then we may get all the way up to freezing this afternoon. The sun is shining in a clear blue sky – no clouds, or jet trails, or birds; there are only blowing branches. The world even smells of cold. Puck was, did his business, and came right back in. I don't blame him. Now he is sleeping on the clothes I wore yesterday and left in a pile by the bed. Mary is sleeping on the spare pillow on the bed – which is still unmade because of animal blockage. I am sipping my half-caf and munching on a blueberry muffin. The wind is teasing the wind chime outside my window making a little desperate ringing, as if for help. It pairs well with dog snores. And yet, I do get to write to you, so that makes it a great morning.
Hope your weekend is worth celebrating, ePistliers
Jeff Foxworthy Kansas Joke of the Week: If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time you may live in Colby, KS. https://alicewhite.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/humorous-truisms-about-my-home-state-kansas/
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Seven swans to rule them all, Six geese to find them, Five rings to bring them all, and in a Pear Tree bind them. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian
The reindeer were playing Beyoncé because she sleighs and Dancer was keeping a disco ball in the air with her feet. The Christmas tree fell in love with the wreath and they got sappy together. The Snowmen were chilling out with the snow angels. ₾ Drake had a hankering for a Kwanzaa party but the pull to Hanakkah was too strong.
Yes, I am on the naughty list and I regret nothing.
..........Joseph, gather me some cherries for I am with child...........Joan Baez …..The Cherry Tree Carol
Trivia Questions: It's Underdog Day. What do you remember about the television character?
- ^ When he wasn't being Underdog, what did he do for a living?
- ^^ What breed was Underdog?
- ^^^ Who was Underdog's girlfriend?
- ^^^^ How long did the cartoon run, more or less?
- ^^^^^ Who voiced Underdog in the cartoon series?
Big Hello: Cześċ – Polish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: He seems to have a few of his pages stuck together. --Midsomer Murders Small Mercies
Image of the Week: Celebratory Cup Clicks – Good Morning!
Coffee Humor of the Week: You call it coffee. I call it Emotional Support Beverage.
The Menorah had a wonderful Hanukkah Party. They were doing the candlestick twist. The latke was dancing to sizzle and pop music with a sassy spud. The dreidel was spinning yarns and brisket was beefing up on the stationary bike. ₾ In my neighborhood a flock of sheep were going door to door singing Fleece Navidad.
Always jingle all the way; nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
..........The sun to shine by day and all the stars at night...........The Andrew Sisters & Bing Crosby …..Mele Kalikimaka
Moonbeam: My authority may be taken from me by violence, but I shall never resign it, like an Ideot (sic) --Bonnie Prince Charlie
Blasphemy of the Week: Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you. --Steve Maraboli
Puzzle of the Week: From Peter Gordon, crossword constructor and editor: Think of a classic television actor first and last names. Add a long-E sound at the end of each name and you'll get two things that are worn while sleeping. What are they? NPR Sunday Puzzle 12/8/24
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --Dick Gregory
The Ebenezers won the football game because the ghost of Christmas passed. Christmas is a lot like your job. You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit. ₾ If Hanukkah is the Festival of Light is Kwanzaa the Festival of Dark?
I heard that Santa is now filling naughty children's stockings with solar panels instead of coal.
..........Out of all the reindeers you know you are the mastermind..........Chuck Berry …...Run Rudolph Run
^ Underdog was a shoe shine boy.
Almanac: It is Friday, December 20, 2024. The moon will go into the last quarter on Sunday (12/22) and is in Virgo. Today is International Human Solidarity Day, Games Day, Mudd Day, National Sangria Day, and Poet Laureate Day. Because this is the third Friday it is also National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day and Underdog Day.
Among those born on this day were Bonnie Prince Charlie (1720), Thomas Graham (1805), Dr. Samuel A. Mudd (1833), Ferdinand-Edouard Buisson France (1841), Harvey Firestone (1868), Irene Dunne (1898), Max Lerner (1902), Patti Smith (1946), Alan Parsons (1948) and Chris Robinson (1966).
On December twentieth the Corporation Act was first enforced in England (1661), Russia changed new year from September 1 to January 1 (1699), the Louisiana Purchase was formally transferred to the US (1803), Missouri imposed a tax on bachelors (21 to 50 years old, 1820), the Hawaiian post office was established (1850), the international cantilever railway bridge at Niagara Falls opened (1883), Phileas Fogg completed his round the world trip (1892), the pneumatic automobile tire was patented (1892), Hilter was freed from jail (1924), the Ethel Barrymore Theater opened (1928), Harvey premiered (1950), Elvis received his draft notice (1957), Joe Walsh joined the Eagles (1975), Bob Haldeman was released from jail (1978), Howard Cosell retired (1985), and Portugal returned Macau to China (1999).
Night Sky,12/20: Sirius and Procyon in the balance. Sirius, the Dog Star, sparkles low in the east-southeast after dinnertime. Procyon, the Little Dog Star, shines to its left in the east about two fist-widths at arm's length from Sirius. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Fraternal Picture of the Week: Holiday Hijinks with tongues
Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We're nearing the end of the year, but I think I have time for at least one more bad decision.
Week: Saturday, December 21 – Humbug Day & Go Caroling Day & World Peace Day/Winter Solstice
Sunday, December 22 – Be A Lover of Silence Day & Forefathers Day
Night Sky, 12/22: Ursids Meteor Shower: 5-10/hour https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/ursid-meteor-shower-active-around-winter-solstice/
Monday, December 23 – Family Roots Day & Festivus & Human Light Celebration
Tuesday, December 24 – Christmas Eve & Egg Nog Day
Wednesday, December 25 – Christmas & Chanukah**
**My spelling and grammar robot told me Hanukkah was the correct word.
Night Sky, 12/25: Jupiter, two weeks past its opposition, shines at a bright magnitude –2.8 in Taurus. Spot it climbing in the east-northeast as twilight fades. As dusk deepens, watch for Aldebaran and slightly fainter El Nath (Beta Tauri) to come into view to its right and left. Jupiter is at its telescopic best when very high toward the southeast or south by 9 or 10 pm. It's still 48 arcseconds wide.
Thursday, December 26 – Boxing Day & Kwanzaa & National Thank-you Note Day
The Kwanzaa party had so much food it was the overeating of the principles. It was a real cornucopia of fun. ₾ After the first wiseman offered gold and the second wiseman offered frankincense, the third wiseman said, “Wait, there's myrrh.”
Why isn't it God rest ye merry Ladies and Gentlemen? --Dolly from Family Circus
..........Been an angel all year............Eartha Kitt …..Santa Baby
^^ Underdog was a beagle superhero who used his power to protect Capital City.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People aren't “celebrating” an assassination. People are “denying a claim” for sympathy that's out of their emotional network.
Moonbeam: I'm afraid some people only believe what they want to believe. --Dr Samuel Mudd
Fun Facts of the Week: After he left the Nixon administration in April 1973, Harry Robbins (Bob) Haldeman was tried on counts of perjury, conspiracy, and obstruction of justice for his role in the Watergate cover-up. He was found guilty and imprisoned for 18 months. H R Haldeman was White House Secretary.
Video of the Week: MC Flo – Pot in the Latkes: (3:00) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2GOrdxCm6Q
We are each other's harvest; we are each other's business; we are each other's magnitude and bond. --from Paul Robeson by Gwendolyn Brooks
The holiday office party was great. The carol singing was practically biblical. Asses were sending out muletide greetings and King Tut's mummy was wrapping presents. ₾ Tiny Tim made a snow vampire but everybody got frostbite ;so they had to use a hairdryer on him.
Maybe all we need is a little more cowbell.
..........Let the Christmas Spirit ring...........Brenda Lee …..Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
^^^ Underdog's girlfriend was Polly Purebred, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's no bra Sunday aka “The Saaggeth”, a day of rest for your breasts. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian
Weird Word of the Week: Doniferous – carrying a present in your arms. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/doniferous#:~:text=Rhymes%3A%20%2D%C9%AAf%C9%99%C9%B9%C9%99s-,Adjective,Bearing%20or%20yielding%20gifts.
Dragons of the Week:
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a scuff mark from an eyeglass lens. Rub a little ChapStick lip balm over the mark and buff clean with a clean cloth or coffee filter. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/chapstick2.html
Early in the day on December 26th a memo was sent to all office personnel: Rest assured your drunken comments at the holiday party can't be any more awkward than your sober comments in meetings. I didn't go to our office holiday party. I don't even like spending time with those people when I get paid for it. ₾ When elf children come home from school, do they have gnome work? There is no school for toy making. They're all elf-taught.
Do dogs think of Christmas Trees as indoor plumbing?
...........Let your heart be light..........Judy Garland …..Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
^^^^ Underdog ran from 1964 – 1967 3 years
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do Hanukkah hippies have dreidlelocks?
Science Fiction Convention Joke of the Week: Wow, is that your mom dressed as Xena Warrior Princess … only sluttier? --Len Chapman
Actual Science Conference of the Week: 6th International Conference on Electrical Engineereing and Control Technology (20-22, Shenzhen, China) New Type Power Systems https://www.eventbrite.com/e/2024-6th-international-conference-on-electrical-engineering-and-control-technologies-ceect-2024-tickets-906631979657
Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ted Knight → Teddy, nightie
Reindeer have fur coats because the parkas are too clumsy. I've heard that Santa paid 8 bucks for his reindeer. ₾ Matzo balls favorite sport is soak-her. A jelly donut with an attitude is a jam session.
Christmas is the only time you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock.
..........Oh, dear Santa, fill it well.........Gene Autry …..Up On the Housetop
^^^^^ Wally Cox voiced Underdog in the cartoon series and Jason Lee voiced Underdog in the 2007 live action movie.
Holiday Hint of the Week: This is the last week to buy books as gifts if you intend on reading them before you wrap them. --Jonathan Edward Durham Submitted by Laughing Librarian
Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Taylor Swift's witchcraft keeps the KC Chiefs winning. https://newrepublic.com/post/178536/far-right-taylor-swift-super-bowl-conspiracies
Quote of the Week: House speaker, Mike Johnson, announces that male Republicans neutered by Donald Trump may continue to use the men's bathroom. --The Liberal Atheist Nurse --Submitted by gr of oh
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wishing you the kind of Christmas that Oliver Cromwell would want to outlaw. --Submitted by sb of ar
Today's Peace of History: December 20, 1990: Kansas reservist Dr. Yolanda Huet-Vaughn refused orders to serve in the first Gulf War (Desert Storm) and was later sentenced to prison.
The Festival of Lights party was so fantastic they called it a glow-getter. A Kwanzaa celebration run by cats is called pawsitive Umoja. Wiener dogs give the best Christmas parties. They like dachshunds through the snow.
For the environment, Santa will be giving all bad little boys and girls Dallas Cowboy Shirts.
..........Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree.........Elvis Presley …..Blue Christmas
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, December 20, 2024, hOliday ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.
Moonbeam: Either men will learn to live like brothers, or they will die like beasts. --Max Lerner
Cost of War:
As of 12/05/24 State Department Costs: $253,403,876,634
As of 12/12/24 State Department Costs: $252,840,307,564
As of 12/05/24 Homeland Security: $1,186,955,966,436
As of 12/12/24 Homeland Security: $1,186,343,814,310
As of 12/05/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,266,886,839,122
As of 12/12/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,265,312,808,865
As of 12/05/24 Military Costs: $3,121,580,792,982
As of 12/12/24 Military Costs: $3,120,385,719,347
As of 12/05/24 Veterans Care: $4,028,587,805,964
As of 12/12/24 Veterans Care: $4,016,656,727,498
As of 12/05/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,857,416,508,558
As of 12/12/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,841,540,758,224
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
Remember this December that love weighs more than gold. --Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon
Famous Last Words: I'm truly. truly grateful and terribly happy. --Audrey Hepburn who died of colon cancer on December 20, 1993. She was 63 years old.
..........Pray for peace people everywhere..........Martina McBride …..Do You Hear What I Hear
Prancer with three eyes is a reiiindeer. Hanukkah miracles stay in shape running miracle miles. A bloat of hippos celebrating Kwanzaa is called a Umoja-mbili.
May Peace grace your holiday
And Joy fill your year
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL0lPcNwRqQ (2:02)
PS: Zero falalas given
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