ePistle 575

Famous First Words: I distinctly heard a human making dog noises... David Letterman from his first night on Late Night With David Letterman

February is National Haiku Writing Month. How much can I fit Into a haiku format? Oh, no, I'm out of / Oh, crap I have to write a haiku? I'm not creative enough for that.

..........Laly do dum lally do dum day.........The Smothers Brothers …..Chocolate

….......We miss you already, Tom...........

The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago...had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands. --Havelock Ellis

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is nearly covered with thin white humidity that is probably created by decaying jet trails. These clouds are swept into long strings of white against a pale blue background. They are not enough to keep the groundhog from seeing her shadow. Wind is whipping around the willow switches but barely moving the empty mulberry branches. Friendly birdsong in a variety of tunes fill the air with hints of spring as does the 53°F temperature. Birds dart across my window line up high and down low; they stop and swing on the power lines but on the tip top of the willow they just gaze at the world beneath them. Punk is asleep and making little snuffling noises as counterpoint to the birdsong. And I am eating a biscuit which smells of bacon and tastes of eggs. What a morning.

Hope your entire weekend is poetry, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself What Would Jesus do? So, I turned it into wine. --Submitted by jm or ks

It's time for breakfast. Why are there no donuts here to bring me delight? / Eating salad drunk Is both irresponsible And responsible. --Joel Gondelman

..........Before he reached the town-o.........The Smothers Brothers …..The Fox

Trivia Questions: Tomorrow is World Play Your Ukulele Day!

• ^ Where and/or when did the Ukulele originate?
• ^^ Where does the name come from?
• ^^^ How do you pronounce ukulele, really?
• ^^^^ How is the ukulele tuned?
• ^^^^^ How many ukuleles were sold in the US in 2021?
• ^^^^^^ Extra Ukulele Question … What sizes does the ukulele come in?

Big Hello: Selamat pagi - Malay https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We do not check the refrigerator multiple times to find new food, we check it to see if our standards have dropped enough to eat what was available. --Submitted by FNOG

Image of the Week:

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 46% of library book budgets are funded exclusively via library staff swear jar. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I'm huge on Twitter. -An ancient proverb that means Lonely in real life. --Joel Kim Booster / Human connection Is what life is all about.; She typed on her phone. --Amanda Lund

..........He wears an anthropologist's collar.........The Smothers Brothers …..My Old Man

Moonbeam: There is not past, nor future; everything flows in an eternal present. --James Joyce

Question of the Week: Does the simplicity of nature have a power that gets lost in complication? --Hats off to Benjamin Hoff's The Tao of Pooh.

Puzzle of the Week: From Joseph Young, who conducts the blog "Puzzleria!" Think of a familiar saying in seven words. The initial letters of the first three words in order spell a type of container. And the initials of the last four words in order spell something edible that might be found in this container. What's the saying? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 1/27/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wouldn't change m;y grandkids for the world, but I wish I could change the world for my grandkids. --Submitted by cf of kc

Absurdity Day? How is this day different from all other days? / Earth's promise to Mars: We vow to treat you better Than we treat ourselves. --Madeline Kane

..........As light and refreshing as a spring breeze.........The Smothers Brothers …..Mary Was Pretty

^ The ukulele was an adaptation of the Braguinha ou Machete de Braga, a Portuguese instrument that was taken to Hawaii by immigrants in the eighteenth century. The first ukulele is said to have been built in 1879.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 2, 2024. The moon reaches the last quarter today and is in Scorpio. It is Candelmas, Crepe Day or La Chandeleur, Groundhog Day, Hedgehog Day, Marmot Day, Sled Dog Day, Working Naked Day, and World Wetlands Day. Because it is the first Friday it is also Bubble Gum Day, Give Kids A Smile Day, and Wear Red (For Women's Heart Health) Day.

Among those born on this day were Jean-Baptiste Boussingault (1802), Havelock Ellis (1859), Solomon Guggenheim (1861), Mehmed VI Vahideddin (1861), James Joyce (1882), Charles Correll (1890), Ayn Rand (1905), Renzo Rossellini (1908), Charlotte Auerbach (1910), Elaine Stritch (1926), Stan Getz 1927), Tom Smothers (1937), Graham Nash (1942), Farrah Fawcett (1947), Christie Brinkley (1954), Brent Spiner (1955), Pebbles Flintstone (1963), Trevor Noah (1984) and Data (2338).

On February second Handel's Poro premiered (1731), the first shipload of Chinese arrived in San Francisco (1848), Samuel Clemens first used the name Mark Twain (1963), the Knights of Columbus formed (1882), the Female Army Nurse Corps were established (1901), Al Capone was sent to prison (1932), Goering banned communist meetings and demonstrations (1933), the lie detector was first used in court (1935), What's My Line first broadcast (1950), a presidential news conference was first televised (Eisenhower, 1955), Liz Taylor married Mike Todd (3rd, 1957), Idi Amin became dictator of Uganda (1971), Midnight Special debuted (1973), and Late Night with David Letterman premiered (1982).

Night Sky, 2/2: Jupiter is three months past its November 2nd opposition, so it's traveling eastward again against the background stars ("direct motion," as opposed to retrograde). Once the night is fully dark, notice the curved line that Jupiter makes with Alpha Arietis and Alpha Trianguli to the upper right of it. That line was nearly straight at the beginning of the year, when Jupiter was at its stationary point. Watch the line grow ever more bent as Jupiter continues eastward against the stars through the rest of the winter. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Future Lumberjacks

This Week: Saturday, February 3 – Feed The Birds Day & National Play Outside Day & Take Your Child To The Library Day

Sunday, February 4 – I Heart Horror Day & National Hemp Day & Quacker Day

Night Sky, 2/4: Today is the center of winter; we cross the midpoint between the December solstice and the March equinox at 10:16 a.m. EST (15:16 UT). That minute is the very bottom of the wheel of the year, astronomically speaking. In ancient Gaelic cultures this day was Imbolc: one of the four traditional "cross-quarter" days between the solstices and the equinoxes. The others were May Eve, Lammas, and Halloween, though our calendar has shifted these days a bit from the cross-quarter points since those times. Groundhog Day (like its German weather-predicting predecessor, Badger Day) was originally the cross-quarter day. But now Groundhog Day is considered to be fixed as February 2nd, avoiding the need for yearly adjustments.

Monday, February 5 – Weather Forecaster Day & Western Monarch Day

Tuesday, February 6 – African American Coaches Day & Wear Orange Day

Wednesday, February 7 – Ballet Day & National Periodic Table Day & Who Shall I Be Day

Night Sky, 2/7: Sirius the Dog Star blazes well up in the southeast by mid evening. It's the brightest star of Canis Major. In a dark sky with lots of stars visible, the constellation's points can be connected to make a convincing dog seen in profile. He's currently standing on his hind legs. Sirius is on his chest, to the right or lower right of his faint triangular head. But through the light pollution where most of us live, only his five brightest stars are easily visible. These form the Meat Cleaver. Sirius is the cleaver's top back corner, its blade faces right, and its short handle is down below pointing lower left.

Thursday, February 8 – Opera Day & National Giving Hearts Day

Take me down to Hai Ku City where the grass is Green, and the a ...dammit. / I like kittens, YEAH! They are really fluffy, YEAH! Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch.

..........Pray, tell me what poignant means..........The Smothers Brothers …..Black Is the Color of My True Love's Hair

^^ There’s even a mystery around the meaning of the word ‘ukulele’. Some say the literal translation of ukulele is ‘jumping flea’ in Hawaiian. However, Liliuokalan – the last queen of the Kingdom of Hawaii – translated ukulele as ‘gift from afar’.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wish it was socially acceptable to say “I don't care” and just walk away from a conversation. --Submitted by FNOG

Moonbeam: Nelson Mandela was in jail when I was really young, and Winnie Mandela was one of the biggest faces of the movement. In South Africa we have a common phrase - it's like a chant in the street and at rallies: “Wathint' abafazi, wathint' imbododo”. Which means, “You strike a woman, you strike a rock.” --Trevor Noah

Blasphemy of the Week: God is the name of the blanket we throw over the mystery to give it shape. --Barry Taylor, road manager for AC/DC

Video of the Week: Salvadore Dali on What's My Line January 27, 1957 (9:10)

There is nothing that war has ever achieved that we could not better achieve without it. --Havelock Ellis

How many light bulbs Does it take to screw a shrink? Opps, that is backwards / Bannon's not Satan But still ... better show us his Birth Certificate.

..........I'll – I'll mess around a little bit, though.........The Smothers Brothers …..I Never Will Marry

^^^ The way the ukulele is pronounced in the west (you-ka-lay-lee) is not how it’s pronounced in Hawaii (Hawaiians say ‘oo-koo-leh-leh’). The debate rages on around which is the correct way to pronounce ukulele

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My favorite part about the Super Bowl is how a bunch of people that were supposed to stop watching football over kneeling will be complaining about Taylor Swift. --Submitted by 98%

Weird Word of the Week: Crwth – an ancient Celtic musical instrument Crwth - Wikipedia

Dragon of the Week: The Driftwood Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Kill slugs and snails. Fill a saucer or jar lid with Budweiser beer and place them in your garden or wherever slugs or snails are invading. Slugs love beer. Infact, you may know a few slugs that love beer. Anyway, they climb into the saucer or led, drink the beer, and drown in it. Budweiser®: Wacky Uses --There is some dispute about whether slug and snails are bad or good for a garden. I always tend to go with the “let's not kill something just because it annoys us” school and some say snails can be beneficial. You could put out beer in very small contains (pop bottle lids) so they could enjoy a drink without drowning. Are Slugs and Snails Good for Your Garden? (treehugger.com)

Mike Pence has a great relationship with God, but what If He is a Her? / Fox News: Success strategy: Harassing a woman is good for what Ailes you.

...........Trying to sing about eight bars.........The Smothers Brothers …..Soap

^^^^ On a standard ukulele, there are four nylon strings tuned to G, C, E, and A. The baritone uke is tuned to D, G, B, and E – the same as the guitar. Early ukulele strings were made from cat or even sheep gut.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just because you think Alfred is too old to take care of the Batcave, you don't replace him with the Joker. --Jimmy Kimmel

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Aggie Con 53 (2-4, College Station, TX) A Midsummer Night's Con AggieCon | Comic Con | College Station, TX, USA (etuttle0.wixsite.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Texas Computer Education Association Convention and Exposition (3-7, Austin, TX) Outcome-driven, future-focused learning Best Educator Conference: 2024 TCEA Convention & Exposition

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: There is nothing new under the sun --> tin, nuts

Cat Haiku: The rule for today, Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow / You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will show you.

..........O, how I miss those gals in Peoria.........The Smothers Brothers …..How I Wish I Wuz in Peoria

^^^^^ The number of ukuleles sold in the United States increased by 14.5 percent in 2021 over the previous year. Overall, more than 1.7 million ukuleles were sold in the US in 2021, whereas the unit sales of this instrument nearly reached 1.5 million in 2020.

Discussion Topic of the Week: Does the Promised Land always lay on the other side of the wilderness? (Havelock Ellis)

Quote of the Week: I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face. --Franz Kafka

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think it's kind of cool Taylor Swift made it to the Super Bowl in her rookie season. --Submitted by ks of ks

Today's Peace of History, February 2, 1901: The Female Army Nurse Corps (ANC) was established by Congress. The ANC is the nursing service for the US Army and provides highly qualified nursing staff in support of the Department of Defense medical plans. This ANC is composed entirely of registered nurses (RNs).

Dog Haiku: Sometimes a slow wag can say more than a loud bark. But only sometimes. / Today's agenda: Bark at squirrels, birds, joggers, and The UPS guy.

..........And he's raise a little hell.........The Smothers Brothers …..Mediocre Fred

^^^^^^ Extra Ukulele Information: There are four sizes of uke: soprano, concert, tenor, and baritone, and even a minuscule pocket ukulele. There are also tons of hybrid instruments such as the guitalele (a mix of guitar and ukulele) and the banjolele (a mix of banjo and ukulele). Most ukuleles are made of mahogany wood.

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, February 2, 2024, ePistle 575. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Holy Mackerel, Kingfish. --Amos Hogg Brown as played by Charles Correll on Amos and Andy

Cost of War Since 2002:

• As of 02/01/24 State Department Costs: $227,827,563,782.
• As of 01/25/24 State Department Costs: $227,249,537,149.
• As of 02/01/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,195,449,128,719.
• As of 01/25/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,193,835,101,420.
• As of 02/01/24 Homeland Security: $1,159,174,620,921.
• As of 01/25/24 Homeland Security: $1,158,546,984,771.
• As of 02/01/24 Veterans Care: $3,487,066,295,396.
• As of 01/25/24 Veterans Care: $3,474,837,125,137.
• As of 02/01/24 Military Costs: $3,067,314,141,140.
• As of 01/25/24 Military Costs: $3,066,115,663,558.
• As of 02/01/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,136,867,457,298.
• As of 01/25/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,120,585,104,246.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

What we call “morals” is simply blind obedience to words of command. --Havelock Ellis

Famous Last Words: Rende immenso il goder. --Coro --George Frideric Handel's Poro

..........Santa Claus is dead.........The Smothers Brothers …..Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Five syllables here. Seven more syllables there. Are you happy now? / I'm much funnier When I am drunk off my butt. Sadly, I'm sober.

May Peace surround you
And Joy wrap you in its warmth
from prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: