ePistle, mY aSteroid

 Famous First Words: Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful... Margaret Mitchell Gone With The Wind

The United Nations has declared June 30^th to be International Asteroid Day (A/RES/71/90). FYI: All asteroids are vegetarian because they aren't meteors. / Asteroids are nature's way of asking, “How's that space program coming along?”

..........Just can't get my poor self together..........Lena Horne …..Stormy Weather

You must be the change you wish to see in the world --Mahatma Gandhi

It is a muggy Friday morning. The 83°F temperature and the 68% relative humidity are already brutal and the 12 mph north wind makes little difference. Trees are blowing, willows are thrashing and yet the oppressive heat remains. Only the hollyhocks seem to love it. At least, I keep telling myself, it's still morning. I ran 4 errands this morning finding people all over town in grumpy moods. So now I'm in a grumpy mood and finding it hard to write an upbeat, great day paragraph here. Home On The Range missed the verse about being hot and sweaty before 10 am and how it makes discouraging word flow from the mouth into the heated air. Ah, Kansas in summer, where hell goes on vacation. Other than that, have a great holiday.

Wishing you a long and safe weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Stop complaining about your life. There are literally people living in Florida. --Submitted by 98%

Alice Asteroid said no when Allen Asteroid proposed. She was afraid of comet-ment. / They're called hemorrhoids because the word asteroids was already taken.

..........Is it a cocktail, this feeling of joy..........Lena Horne …..At Long Last Love

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, N.O.W.

• ^ What is the pesky preposition between the O and the W?
• ^^ Why was that set of women all in Washington DC that day?
• ^^^ Who was the first president of N.O.W?
• ^^^^ How big is N.O.W. now?
• ^^^^^ Who is the current president of N.O.W?

Big Hello: Ko na mauri – Kiribati (Micronesia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Jeffrey Update: Jeff received his first disability check yesterday. It was for the month of June 2023. This means his monthly checks will arrive regularly. We haven't heard about his back pay yet. But it is very much progress. Sigh.

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm triangulating with the coordinates: I don't know, I don't care, and I don't give a crap.

Image of the Week: This is the surface of Dimorphos, the asteroid on which NASA landed The Dart September 2022

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: The average librarian's cardigan conceals two pencils, one flask, and one emergency kitten. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Wonder if there were asteroid deniers among the dinosaurs? / All they were saying is that the asteroids are a woke hoax.

..........I intend to be independently blue..........Lena Horne …..Love Me Or Leave Me

Moonbeam: Shadow owes its birth to light. --John Gay

Question of the Week: How many boxes of top secret documents do you have in your bathroom?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Joe Becker, of Palo Alto. Take the name of a fish (6). Add the name of a mammal (5). Rearrange all the letters to get the name of a reptile. What was it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 6/25/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone that has ever had the urge to eat wicker furniture. --Submitted by INRITH

I tried to read an article about an asteroid colliding with Earth. I couldn't finish it; it hit too close to home. / Did you hear what NASA said about the asteroid? “No comet.”

..........Here's to better days...........Lena Horne …..Honeysuckle Rose

^ It's the National Organization FOR Women.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 30, 2023. The moon will be full (Buck) on Monday (7/3) and is in Scorpio. It is Leap Second Time Adjustment Day, National Meteor Watch Day, NOW (National Organization For Women) Day, and Social Media Day. Because it is the last Friday it is also Drive Your Corvette to Work Day.

Among those born on this day were John Gay (1685), Elizabeth Kortright Monroe (1768), William Wheeler (1819), Wilfrid Pelletier (1896), David Wayne (1916), Buddy Rich & Lena Horne (1917), Susan Hayward (1918), Harry Blackstone Jr (1934), Florence Ballard (Supremes, 1943), and Mike Tyson (1966),

On June thirtieth Congress created the Indian Territory (now Oklahoma, 1834), the Excelsior diamond was discovered (1893), Korea declared independence from China (1894), Asteroid #504 Cora was discovered (1902), a giant fireball impacted Central Siberia (1908), the Pure Food & Drug Act and the Meat Inspection Act were both adopted (1906), Gandhi was arrested for the first time (South Africa, 1914), Gone with the Wind was published & the 40 hour work week was made law (1936), the US Fish & Wildlife Service was established (1940), the New Orleans mint ceased operation (1942), NAACP began at attack on school segregation and discrimination (1951), Rwanda & Burundi became independent (1962), Robert Lawrence Jr was named the first black astronaut (1967), Spain ceded Ifni to Morocco (1969), the first game was played in Cincinnati's Riverfront Stadium (1970), and New York State legislature passed the Staten Island Secession Bill (1989).

Night Sky, 6/30: Mars and Venus are now at their minimum separation for this apparition, 3.6° apart. Mars will remain in low twilight view for more than a month to come. Venus will drop away faster. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Max and Ollie and the Very Big Pig

This Week: Saturday, July 1 – Canada Day & International Tartan Day & Medicare's Birthday

Sunday, July 2 – National Wildland Firefighter Day & World UFO Day

Night Sky, 7/2: The Moon, just a day from full, shines inside the Sagittarius Teapot (for North America). Use binoculars to piece out the Teapot through the moonlight. Note: The Teapot is about twice the width of a typical binocular's field of view, so expect to sweep around a bit.

Monday, July 3 – International Plastic Bag Free Day & Stay Out Of The Sun Day & Superman Day

Tuesday, July 4 – Independence Day & Lou Gehrig Day & National BBQ Ribs Day

Wednesday, July 5 – Bikini Day & Thong Day & Work Without Your Hands Day

Night Sky, 7/5: Saturn (magnitude +0.9, in dim Aquarius) rises around 11 pm or midnight. By the beginning of dawn it's in steadiest telescopic view high in the south-southeast.

Thursday, July 6 – Earth at Aphelion & International Kissing Day aka World Kiss Day

Early humans survived the asteroids that killed the dinosaurs by social distancing. They stayed 56 million years apart. / It's well known in scientific circles that asteroids have great comet sense.

..........Whether near to me or far..........Lena Horne …..Night And Day

^^ NOW was established on June 30, 1966 in Washington, DC, by people attending the Third National Conference of the Commission on the Status of Women.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I knocked over a plant in the kitchen but my cat saw me so I had to spray myself with water so I could show the law applies to everyone. --Lord Hugh Mungus --Submitted by dr of oh

Moonbeam: On the choice of friends, our good or evil name depends. --John Gay

Video of the Week: The Supremes (with Florence Ballard) Stop! In the Name of Love (3:20)

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. --Mahatma Gandhi

The black hole actually liked swallowing asteroids, but she wished they were a little meteor. / Some days all the asteroids seem to be behind Uranus.

..........Only hoop-DE-doop songs..........Lena Horne …..From This moment On

^^^ Betty Friedan, best known for her 1963 book The Feminine Mystique, which changed the conversation on traditional gender roles, was chosen as the Now's first president.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: She can fold a fitted sheet. She must be a witch. --Submitted by Stirring The Cauldron

Weird Word of the Week: Abatjour – skylight or device to direct light into a room https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abat-jour

Dragon of the Week: Apache Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Dry fresh herbs. Place the herbs on a sheet of Bounty Paper Towels and heat them in the microwave oven for approximately one minute. Repeat for thirty-second intervals if necessary. Store the dried herbs in Ziploc Storage Bags, labeled appropriately, in the pantry for up to one years. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty2.html

Freddie Mercury finally has an asteroid named after him. His family has said how great it is that Freddie is immortalized in rock; they really appreciate the sediment. / So, it was a single asteroid that wiped out all of the dinosaurs? Why were they all standing in one place?

..........Lena Horne …..I Got Rhythm

^^^^ NOW consists of 550 chapters in all 50 states and in Washington DC. It is the largest feminist organization in the US with around 500,000 members.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Age improves with wine.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: SoonerCon 2023 (6/20-7/2, Norman, OK) Assemble Engage Transform https://soonercon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Second Metaverse Expo Tokyo (28-30, Tokyo, Japan) 東京ビッグサイト https://www.tradefairdates.com/Metaverse+Expo-M8016/Tokyo.html

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Salmon + tiger = Gila monster

There was an asteroid impact just outside of town and I drove out to see. I saw a glowing green celestial stone inside the impact crater. As I was moving toward it, I became gloomy and even suicidal. That's when I heard someone shouting, “Hey, you're in a depression.”. / My band is called the Asteroid Belt; it's the biggest rock band in the galaxy.

..........She loves the free, fresh wind in her hair..........Lena Horne …..The Lady Is A Tramp

^^^^^ Christian F. Nunes, MBA, MS, LCSW,  became NOW president in August 2020. As the second African American president in the organization’s history, the youngest person of color, and the youngest president in more than 40 years, Nunes is leading the organization through an intersectional lens, bringing a diverse coalition of grassroots activists to work against structural sexism and racism.

Quote of the Week: The most thought-provoking thing in our thought-provoking time is that we are still not thinking. --Martin Heidegger

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Never underestimate the importance of abandoning crap you don't need. --Submitted by HPF

Today's Peace of History, June 30, 1870: Ada Kepley became the first woman in America to graduate with a formal law degree from Union College of Law, now named Northwestern University of Chicago.

Now science believes that before the asteroid hit, the dinosaurs in the Mediterranean area were Falafel Raptors. / She was so fat she wore the asteroid belt to keep her pants up.

..........There's a somebody I'm longing to see..........Lena Horne …..Someone To Watch Over Me

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 30, 2023, ePistle?, mY aSteroid Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The brave love mercy and delight to save. --John Gay.

Cost of War:

• As of 06/29/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $210,558,145,033.
• As of 06/22/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $210,012,747,568.
• As of 06/29/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,147,214,206,403.
• As of 06/22/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,145,690,870,205.
• As of 06/29/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,140,416,666,710.
• As of 06/22/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,139,824,276,529.
• As of 06/29/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,121,439,638,102.
• As of 06/22/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,109,892,917,440.
• As of 06/29/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,030,718,354,625.
• As of 06/22/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,029,561,795,507.
• As of 06/29/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,650,348,758,760.
• As of 06/22/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,634,984,273,423.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth. --Mahatma Gandhi

Famous Last Words: That this Act shall be in force and effect from and after the first day of January, nineteen hundred and seven. Approved, June 30, 1906 --Pure Food And Drug Act

..........And one more for the road..........Lena Horne …..One For My Baby

The difference between cortisone and comet – one's a steroid the other is an asteroid. / Bodybuilding dinosaurs died of asteroid overdose.

May Peace light your way

And Joy clear your path

prairie mama

christine

Last

Laugh:

fAked ePistle

 Famous First Words: "I do solemnly swear [or affirm, as the case may be] that I will support the constitution of the United States and the constitution of the state of Kansas... The Loyalty Oath I was made to sign in the 1960s to work at University of Kansas

On this day in 1972 President Richard Nixon and his chief of staff, H R Haldeman, conspired to use the CIA to cover up Watergate. / A Jew and a black guy walk into a bar in Georgia, and the bartender says, “What can I get for you, senators?” An anti-Semitic conspiracy theorist walks into the same bar in Georgia, and the bartender says, “What can I get for you, congresswoman?”

..........I can finish a sack of cracker jacks in fifteen seconds flat.........June Carter Cash …..No Swallerin' Place

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. --Will Rogers

It is an absolutely gorgeous Friday morning. The sky is a pale blue with a herd of thick white clouds that make moving art with their shadows. 74°F is perfect for a stroll through the backyard. There is a chicken somewhere who sounds as if she's laying an egg the size of the a basketball. Two young sparrows are playing race through the mulberry tree and back to the utility wire. Hollyhock leaves are growing fat and happy. Even the catnip his beginning to bud. The clouds without discernible movement have slowly covered the whole sky and shadow is everywhere. So I return to my room and my cup of decaf (a dark brew that Jeff got at the food pantry) but most of all to you.

I trust your weekend will be free of Jewish space lasers. ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It used to be “Rock Around the Clock”, now it's ”Limp Around the Block”.

Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party, a Muslim, an immigrant, a journalist, a woman, a business rival..? / The QANON dating site is called QPID.

..........Sunshine and showers........June Carter Cash & Johnny Cash …..Oh, What A Good Thing We Had

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Alfred Kinsey, author of the Kinsey Report

• ^ Do you know anything about his upbringing?
• ^^ In what subjects did Kinsey get his various degrees?
• ^^^ What inspired him to begin research on human sexuality?
• ^^^^ How big was the sample base for the Kinsey Report?
• ^^^^^ What were the official names of the papers that became the Kinsey Report?

Big Hello: Muraho – Kinyarwanda (Rwanda) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am not a 10. I am more like two 5s held together with mashed potatoes. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: My “old” Hollyhock plant. This is its third year with us. I believe the tall plant is Fleabane and the small ones are violets.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 62% of librarians will cut you if you use their book cart. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

That pro-crime culture is getting ridiculous! My little brother's teacher asked "Who shot Abraham Lincoln?". He answered "John Wilkes Booth", and the next recess, his locker had "STOP SNITCHING" painted on it. / You know what Nixon did wrong? He only broke into the Watergate hotel once. He should have done it everyday. Then it would have been normal. Yes, you got it, jokes on you.

..........And the myrtle so bright with its emerald hue.........June Carter Cash …..Wildwood Flower

Moonbeam: Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God. --Jean Anouilh

Question of the Week: Where do you see yourself in 20 minutes? --Submitted by INRITH

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Rawson Scheinberg: Name a famous singer (6,6) whose last name is a
body of water. If you remove a letter from the first name you'll get a land form. What singer is it? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 6/18/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I always carry a little crazy with me, you never know when you'll need it.

I believe that COVID-19 was brought to the US from China in the boxes transporting Ivanka Trump's merchandize. She was granted several trademarks by the Chinese government after her father was elected president, The authorizations were expedited by the Chinese government during 2018-2019. The manufacture and shipment of such items would have begun in 2019. ~~I'm still looking for a reason why she would do this, but none of them so far have been funny. / If you listen to Nicki Minaj backwards, you'll hear the illuminati's plans. What's worse, if you listen to it forward, it's Nicki Minaj

..........The cake's no good if you don't mix the batter.........June Carter Cash …..Time's A Wastin'

^ Alfred was born in Hoboken, NJ in 1894. In 1913 he became one of the first eagle scouts. He was raised in a devout protestant household and attended church every week.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 23, 2023. The moon will be at first quarter on Monday (6/26) and is in Virgo. The United Nations has declared this a UN Public Service Day (A/RES/57/277) as well as International Widows' Day (A/RES/65/189). It is also Let It Go Day, National Hydration Day, Public Service Day, Runner's Selfie Day, SAT Math Day, Typing Day, and Pink Flamingo Day (the lawn ornaments). In Denmark, Finland, Latvia, and Scandinavia it is Midsummer Eve aka St. John's Eve. Luxembourg celebrates the official birthday of the Grand Duke of Luxembourg. Because it is the first Friday after Father's Day it is Take Your Dog To Work Day. Finally, because it is the fourth Friday it is National Eat At A Food Truck Day.

Among those born on this day were Josephine Martinique (1763), Carl Milles (1875), Irvin S Cobb (1876), Alfred Kinsey (1894), Duke of Windsor (King Edward VIII, 1894), Jean Anouilh (1910), William P Rogers (1913), Francis Thorne (1922), June Carter Cash (1929), Donn F Eisele (1930), Bert Convey (1933), and Joey Allen (1964).

On June twenty-third Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape (the only treaty "not sworn to, nor broken", 1683), the first regatta was held on the Thames (1775), John Jacob Astor organized the Pacific Fur Co (1810), congress established the Government Printing Office and the US Secret Service (1860), the type-writer was patented (1868), the Civil Aeronautics Authority was established (1938), Thomas Mann became a US citizen (1944), Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act was overridden by congress (1947), Marine Land opened in Florida (US 1st aquarium, 1938), women first graduated from Harvard Medical School (1949), Lady & the Tramp was released (1955), Nasser was elected president of Egypt (1956), Jim Ryan set the mile record of 3 minutes 51.1 seconds (1967), Burger was sworn in as Chief Justice and Frazier beat Quarry for the heavyweight title (1969), Nixon & Haldeman agreed to use the CIA to cover up Watergate (1972), the CCN Tower in Toronto opened (1976), Tip O'Neill refused to let Reagan address the house (1986), Madonna was on the cover of Cosmopolitan (1987), Billy Martin ended his 4th term as Yankees manager (1988), and a rally was held at the Statue of Liberty to save Alien Nation from cancellation (1990).

Night Sky,6/23: This is the time of year when the two brightest stars of summer, Arcturus and Vega, are about equally high overhead shortly after dark: Arcturus toward the southwest, Vega toward the east. Arcturus and Vega are 37 and 25 light-years away, respectively. They represent the two commonest types of naked-eye star: Arcturus is a yellow-orange K giant, and Vega is a white A main-sequence star. They're 150 and 50 times brighter than the sun, respectively — which, combined with their nearness, is why they dominate the sky. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Grandma Kirsten and with Ollie and Max in the Washington woods.

This Week: Saturday, June 24 – World Bike Naked Day & World UFO Day & Celebration of the Senses

Sunday, June 25 - Global Smurfs Day & Global Beatles Day & Day of the Seafarer

Night Sky, 6/25: First-quarter Moon tonight (exactly first-quarter at 3:50 am. Monday morning EDT). Now Denebola is about a fist and a half to the Moon's upper right. Brighter Spica is about two fists to the Moon's left.

Monday, June 26 - Canoe Day & Harry Potter Day & National Canoe Day

Tuesday, June 27 - Celebrate Joy Day & Industrial Workers of the World Day & National Onion Day

Wednesday, June 28 – International Body Piercing Day & National Logistics Day & Tau Day

Night Sky, 6/28 : Venus (magnitude –4.6, in Cancer) is the brilliant "Evening Star" in the west through twilight into dark. It's getting lower every week. It now sets less than an hour after full darkness. In a telescope Venus is a thick crescent, dazzling white, about 29 arcseconds from pole to pole. Venus will become a dramatically bigger, thinner crescent dropping lower until it's finally lost from sight in mid- to late July.

Thursday, June 29 – International Mud Day & National Hand Shake Day & World Camera Day

Of course the moon landing was staged. No rocket can make in to the moon in a single stage. / The Canadian Illuminati call themselves The IlluminatEh.

..........The taste of love is sweet.........June Carter Cash …..Ring Of Fire

^^ Alfred has a BS in biology and psychology from Bowdoin College (1914 and 1915) and a ScD in biology from Harvard (1919). He taught Zoology at Indiana University and studied gall wasps.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I get it. I once saw a sign that said Man Wanted For Robbery, so I went right in and applied for the job. --Adam Felber

Moonbeam: Nothing is irreparable in politics. --Jean Anouilh

Video of the Week: The spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Netflix is opening a restaurant. Sadly it will not be called Stranger Wings or Netflix and Chili. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/17/23

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. --Will Rogers

If you liked Joe McCarthy and McCarthyism you'll love Ted Cruz and Cruzism. / The only man who ever entered parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes.

..........It will brighten all the way.........June Carter Cash …..Keep On The Sunny Side

^^^ Alfred was asked to teach a course called Marriage and Family and found there was very little scientific information on human sexual behavior.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I accidentally said “big” instead of “grande” while ordering coffee at Starbucks and they took me behind the store and shot me in the leg. --Submitted by 50 Nerds of Grey

Weird Word of the Week: Accismus – An ironic rhetorical device in which one feigns indifference, or makes a pretense of refusing something one desires. https://www.britannica.com/art/accismus

Dragon of the Week: Dragon Bed

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Keep vegetables fresher longer. Line the bottom of the vegetable bin in your refrigerator with Bounty Paper Towels to absorb the excess moisture. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty2.html

There were two Q-Anon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election. They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he’d reveal anything about Earthly life they’d always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, “Biden didn’t steal the 2020 election. He won fairly.” The first one looked at the second and said, “This goes higher than we thought!”

...........Two lovers stood in the white, white sand.........June Carter Cash …..Tall Lover Man

^^^^ Over 18,000 sex history questionnaires were collected, however, his original goal was 100,000.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's not a dad bod; it's a father figure. --Submitted by TETD

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Black Hills Con 2023 (23-25, Rapid City, SD) Are You Ready To Rock? https://blackhillscon.com/?gclid=CjwKCAjwv8qkBhAnEiwAkY-ahstayXUi-l9Gy4ZorLCe3FH1GR57TkOo1rmGelBas_VkwX2O4cea9RoC7gYQAvD_BwE

Perhaps Sillier Convention of the Week: Romance Writers of American Conference (28-30. Anaheim, CA) ...four days filled with education, career enhancement, and networking... https://www.rwa.org/Online/Events/RWA%20Conference/Online/Events/Conferences.aspx?hkey=0d20e913-3c9a-4a4c-80cb-ced7f280d826

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: George Strait → > gorge, strait

The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing...but Kubrick was such a stickler it insisted that they film on location. / The difference between Q Anon and alchol is that Alcohol kills fewer brain cells.

..........Like an old gray cat in winter, keepin' close to the wall.........June Carter Cash …..Old Time Feeling

^^^^^ Sexual Behavior in the Human Male was published in 1948 and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female was published in 1953. Collectively the are known as The Kinsey Report

Quote of the Week: Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. --George Carlin

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Has anyone ever told Trump that he has the right to remain silent?

Today's Peace of History, June 23 1972: The Education Amendments of 1972, commonly known as Title IX, became US law, prohibiting sex discrimination at educational institutions. ~~Because of it, the KU marching band finally admitted women.

10) Illuminati Incense - New World Odor. / 72% of Republicans doubt that Obama was born in the USA. While 92% of all voters doubt that Trump's hair was born in this country.

..........East and West the fire will roll.........June Carter Cash …..God Gave Noah The Rainbow

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 23, 2023, fAked ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I like reality. It tastes like bread. --Jean Anouilh

Cost of War:

• As of 06/22/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $.210,012,747,568.
• As of 06/15/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $209,447,921,882.
• As of 06/22/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,145,690,870,205.
• As of 06/15/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,144,113,244,767.
• As of 06/22/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,139,824,276,529.
• As of 06/15/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,139,210,634,286.

• As of 06/22/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,109,892,917,440.
• As of 06/15/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,097,929,682,794.
• As of 06/22/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,029,561,795,507.
• As of 06/15/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,028,363,553,730.
• As of 06/22/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,634,984,273,423.
• As of 06/15/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,619,068,996,031.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. --Will Rogers

Famous Last Words: ...a fine of three thousand dollars. --Joint Resolution in Relation to the Public Printing

..........No use ramblin', walkin' in the shadows.........June Carter Cash …..Pack Up Your Sorrows

If the moon landing was fake, NASA owes us a huge Apollogy. / We need new conspiracy theories because all the old ones came true.

May Peace be your Safeguard Complex

And Joy be your Alien Connection

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

bLooming ePistle

 Famous First Words: Well, here we are... Dave Garroway's first day on the Today Show 8/15/52

Today is Bloomsday. For the non Literature majors out there, Bloomsday is the day on which the action of Jame Joyce's Ulysses takes place. Leopold Bloom runs around Dublin all day having various non-adventures and telling various fart jokes. The scariest thing about my college experience (which I loved) was not the FBI at my door claiming I knew who was blowing stuff up nor the people who were blowing stuff up (whom I did not know – at the time). Nope, the scariest thing was the realization that English Literature graduate students were the people who would decide what the next generation of great literature would be. My fears have manifested. The world is celebrating Bloomsday.

..........Knows not what it means.........Nirvana …..In Bloom

Every living thing is a masterpiece, written by nature and edited by evolution. --Neil DeGrasse Tyson

It is an incredible Friday morning. The blue sky is laced with a few curds of clouds and thin wispy jet trails. There is little wind and even the willow branches are dangling in stillness. 70°F is a wonderful temperature for outdoor activities. Birds flit about the yard and sing to one another providing grace to two senses at once. There are three distinct bird conversations (or oratorios, perhaps) being sung simultaneously but there is no disharmony. I am drinking from a cup of Nuttin' but Kisses coffee; it steams up my nose with sweet creaminess and sets my mouth watering in anticipation. Gee, the only thing that would make this morning perfect, is writing to you.

Here's hoping your weekend is as sweet as fudge, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Totally Straight – a beer for the man who needs to be constantly reminded that he's not gay.

In researching whether I could, indeed, come up with 10 Joyce jokes that WERE NOT fart jokes I came across this website: Ulysses Quotes | Explanations with Page Numbers. English Graduate students are impressed that you once read the Odyssey and figured out a way to include it in your book. (Few of them read Greek.) If you need to convince graduate students that your novel is “real” literature, give them the opportunity to write books explaining bits and pieces from your work.

..........In the merry month of June from me home I started.........The High Kings …..The Rocky Road to Dublin

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Ford Motor Company !

• ^ What do you know about the very first Ford automobile ever sold?
• ^^ What very strange souvenir of his friend, Thomas Edison, did Henry Ford keep?
• ^^^ In what decade did the toy Mustang (pedal-powered) go on the market?
• ^^^^ What was the only car that Jim Morrison (the Doors) ever owned? Spoiler alert, it was a Ford.
• ^^^^^ How did Henry Ford treat his workers?

Big Hello: Wĩmwega – Kikuyu (Kenya) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The only thing sadder than an adult with an imaginary friend is an adult with an imaginary enemy.

Image of the Week:

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Concerning the picture above Secrets Bathroom (SB) Oh, no, the high humidity in a bathroom is bad for paper. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

To steal a quote from Dorothy Parker: This is not a novel to be thrown aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. (I believe the book she was reviewing was Rand's Atlas Shrugged.) / How could a book like Ulysses ever have made it to print? --Bad Reviews of Good Books / One of the books that caused great harm was James Joyce's Ulysses, which is pure style. There is nothing there. Stripped down, Ulysses is a twit. --Paulo Coelho

..........Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.........Beatles …..Nowhere Man

Moonbeam: A mistake is simply another way of doing things. --Katharine Graham

Question of the Week: What is life......but a mutually agreed upon hallucination? --Submitted by MMS

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You're too young to have such painful joints! Really? You think they'll stop hurting if I show them some ID? --Submitted by aeb of kc

Puzzle of the Week: The letters of SWITZERLAND can be rearranged to spell LIZARD and NEWTS — LIZARD being the singular name of an animal, and NEWTS a plural. Name another country with this same property. That is, name another country whose letters can be rearranged to spell two animals — one singular and one plural. It's a major country. What country is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/18/18

First or Third (depending on how you're counting) SB Joke of the Week: SB: Even Liberace would find two bathroom chandeliers tacky. ~By the way, the second “chandelier” is really a sconce.

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. --Macbeth (V:5) Joyce's philosophy: “Horseness is the whatness of all horse. Streams of tendency and eons they worship. God: noise in the street: very peripatetic.” / “We can't change the world, but we can change the subject.” / “The supreme question about a work of art is out of how deep a life does it spring?”

..........Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box.........Edie Brickell & New Bohemians …..What Am I

^ The very first Ford sold was to Dr. Pfennig in 1903, for a grand total of $850. The “Model A” had a 2-cylinder engine, and could reach a max speed of 30 mph

Almanac: It is Friday, June 16, 2023. The moon will be new on Sunday the 18^th and is in Gemini. The United Nations has declared this International Day of Family Remittances (GC38/Resolution 189). It is also Bloomsday, Fudge Day, Ladies' Day at the baseball park, National Flip Flop Day, and Ugliest Dog Day.

Among those born on this day were Stan Laurel (1895), Nelson Doubleday (1899), Barbara McClintock (1902), E.G. Marshall (1910), Katharine Graham (1917), John Howard Griffin (1920), August Busch III (1937), Erich Segal (1937), Joyce Carol Oates (1938), and Brian Eno (1948).

On June sixteenth the Persian Era began (632), Mary Queen of Scots was thrown in the pokey (1567), the Ancient Arabic Order of Nobles of the Mystic Shrine was founded (NYC, 1871), HMS Pinafore debuted (1879), the NY Gothams offered the first "Ladies Day" at the ballpark (1883), Ford Motor Company was incorporated (1903), Bloomsday (1904), the first Congress of Soviets convened (Moscow, 1917), the National Industrial Recovery Act became law (1933), Dave Garroway was fired as Today Show host (1961), Brezhnev became president of the USSR (1977), and Boris Yeltsin became president of the USSR (1991).

Night Sky, 6/16: As we count down the last five days to summer (the solstice is on June 21st), the Summer Triangle stands high and proud in the east after dark. Its top star is bright Vega. Deneb is the brightest star to Vega's lower left, by 2 or 3 fists at arm's length. Look for Altair a greater distance to Vega's lower right. Altair is midway in brightness between Vega and Deneb. If you have a dark sky, the Milky Way runs across the lower part of the Summer Triangle from side to side. As night progresses, look lower left of Altair for little Delphinus, the leaping Dolphin. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun. --Beer Barrel Polka by the Andrew Sisters

This Week: Saturday, June 17 – International Surfing Day & Mermaid Day & World Crocodile Day

Sunday, June 18 – Autistic Pride Day & Wanna Get Away Day

Night Sky, 6/18: After dark look south-southeast for orange Antares, "the Betelgeuse of summer." (Both are 1st-magnitude "red" supergiants). Around and upper right of Antares are the other, whiter stars of upper Scorpius, forming their distinctive pattern. The rest of the Scorpion curls down toward and along the horizon.

Monday, June 19 – Garfield the Cat Day & Juneteenth & World Sauntering Day

Tuesday, June 20 – American Eagle Day & World Refugee Day & Flitch of Bacon Day

Wednesday, June 21 – Go Skateboarding Day & Midsummer & Summer Solstice

Night Sky, 6/22: Leo the Lion is mostly a constellation of late winter and spring. But he's not gone yet. As twilight ends, look to the upper left of Venus and Mars for Regulus, his brightest and now lowest star: the forefoot of the Lion stick figure. The Sickle of Leo, the Lion's front part, extends upper right from Regulus. The Sickle is heading for the two planets. The rest of the Lion's constellation figure extends for almost three fist-widths to the upper left, to his tail star Denebola, the highest. He'll soon be treading off into the sunset.

Thursday, June 22 – World Rainforest Day & Positive Media Day & Summer

But Bloomsday – according to the media – is not just a celebration of Bloom and his young friend Stephen Dedalus but a celebration of the life of Joyce himself. His vision issues caused Joyce to wear an eye patch for years and forced him to do his writing on large white sheets of paper using only red crayon. (That part is not the joke.) Joyce's son, Giorgio, stabbed him with one of his writing crayons; it drew blood. Whenever Joyce experienced writer's block he would write on Nora, his wife. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to crayon.

..........And a stroll on Stephen's Green.........Traditional …..Dublin Saunter

^^ Henry Ford and Thomas Edison were lifelong friends. As requested by Ford, Thomas Edison’s son captured Edison’s last exhale in a test tube and sealed it with a cork. Ford kept the tube as a memorial to Edison’s “life and breath.” ~~I think this is creepy.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Well, he claimed to be pro-life but he died anyway.

Moonbeam: No one can avoid aging, but aging productively is something else. --Katharine Graham

Video of the Week: James Joyce reading from Ulysses (4:12) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhW0TrzWGmI

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Ah, New York, the city that never breathes. A giant cloud of smoke from wildfires came all the way down to visit New York from Canada and it was devastated to learn it no longer gets free health care. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, 6/10/23

I know of no time in human history where ignorance was better than knowledge. --Neil deGrasse Tyson

Joyce could “supposedly” speak 17 languages. However an unnamed friend insisted the 17 languages were a joke. He did teach English at a Berlitz school in what is now Croatia. English teachers are always write. / Seven days without a pun makes Joyce weak.

..........Oh, I'm not gonna waste your time.........Surfaces …..Bloom

^^^ In 1964, after Ford debuted the Mustang, 94,000 pedal-powered toy mustangs were bought for children the following Christmas season.

SB Video ( or joke SB5) of the Week: (:10) https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid02jxFQz6axA5iHcXYahWXDL52XL5xHuQubcC2wGEKSD6FPeeHMyfX3DGZvmPu2No1Xl&id=1041984870&notif_id=1686627817613787&notif_t=feedback_reaction_generic&ref=notif

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kids don't put anything back where they found it...unless it's an empty food box. --Submitted by bm of kc

Weird Word of the Week: Stymie – to obstruct. From Scots stymie. The modern game of golf originated in Scotland from where both the game and the word stymie came to English. In golf, a stymie refers to one player’s ball obstructing another person's ball https://www.dictionary.com/browse/stymied

Dragon of the Week: The Dragon Gate in Dublin

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Revitalize wilted flowers in a vase. Add a few ice cubes to the water and cover the flowers with a sheet of Bounty Paper Towel dampened with cold water. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty2.html

Ulysses takes place in Dublin. Bloom and Dedalus traverse the city together and alone. Joyce grew up in Dublin moved away as soon as he was out of college and never moved back. He'd been away from Dublin for 11 years before the book was published. Joyce once walked into a bar in Toronto. The bartender noticed his accent and asked, “What brings you to Canada?”. Joyce answered that in a pub in Dublin he was having a drink and his coaster said, “Drink Canada Dry” so he decided to give it a shot. / The second largest city in the world is Dublin because it goes on doublin' and doublin. Of course the largest city is Tripoli.

...........As I was a goin' over the far famed Kerry mountains.........The Dubliners …..Whiskey in a Jar

^^^^ The only car that Jim Morrison, legendary Doors singer, ever owned was a 1967 Shelby GT 500.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Facebook Question: What do people pretend is in the Bible but is absolutely not in the Bible? Comment: White People

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Cosplacon (15-18, Jefferson City, MO) Onward to Battle http://cosplacon-mo.squarespace.com/

Sixth or Eighth SB Joke of the Week: I guess the boxes forgot to lock the door from the inside. --Submitted by TDEIAH (Trickle Down Economics is a Hoax)

Actual Conference of the Week: TNW Conference (15-16, Amsterdam) Together for a more prosperous world. https://thenextweb.com/conference

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Mexico → Ox and Mice

Joyce suffered all his life from a fear of lightning. It was said to date from his childhood governess who told him that storms were God manifesting His anger at Joyce. He created a 100 letter word to describe his fear: Bababadalgharahgtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronnt- uonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk / A cow struck by lightning is called ground beef.

..........Nothing more invitin' than a good one comin' down.........Nitty Gritty Dirt Band …..Thunder and Lightning

^^^^^ In 1914 Ford offered its employees double the current market average, creating Henry Ford’s “$5-a-day.” The new salary, accompanied by a shorter working day and company profit sharing, minimized employee turnover, and was significant in growing the middle class and fair wages movement. Henry Ford was quoted saying he wanted to help his workers to a “life” not just a “living.”

Relevant Poem of the Week: The unhappy ghost of James Joyce / exclaimed in dispirited voice, / “Who needs bookish sissies / promoting Ulysses? / I'd rather be Oprah's first choice. --Richard Thompson

Quote of the Week: Not only do we live among the stars, the stars live within us. --Neil deGrasse Tyson

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. --Eleanor Roosevelt

Today's Peace of History, June 16, 1963: Valentina Tereshkova became the first woman in space aboard Vostok 6.

Fellow Modernist Virginia Woolf didn't much care for Joyce or his work. She compared his writing to "a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples," and said that "one hopes he’ll grow out of it; but as Joyce is 40 this scarcely seems likely." D H Lawrence said: “My God, what a clumsy olla putrida James Joyce is! Nothing but old fags and cabbage-stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.” (FYI, I could do a whole ePistle on Lawrence's less than stellar writing too).

..........Sure the lights that I see in my memory.........Bridie Gallagher & Glen Curten …..My Dublin Bay

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 16, 2023, bLooming ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: If one is rich and one's a woman, one can be quite misunderstood. --Katherine Graham

Cost of War:

• As of 06/15/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $209,447,921,882.
• As of 06/08/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $208,912,253,258.
• As of 06/15/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,144,113,244,767.
• As of 06/08/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,142,617,095,007.
• As of 06/15/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,139,210,634,286.
• As of 06/08/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,142,617,344,148.
• As of 06/15/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,097,929,682,794.
• As of 06/08/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,086,593,796,569.
• As of 06/15/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,028,363,553,730.
• As of 06/08/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,027,228,128,357.
• As of 06/15/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,619,068,996,031.
• As of 06/08/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,603,982,670,447.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I love the smell of the universe in the morning. --Neil deGrasse Tyson

Famous Last Words: Does nobody understand? (Said to have been the last words spoken by James Joyce) --I almost used that as the question of the week.

..........Take a second, baby, slow it down.........Troye Sivan …..Bloom

Joyce and Ernest Hemingway hung out in Paris. In fact, As the narrator of the rare film clip of Joyce informs us above, Joyce would pick drunken fights, then duck behind his burly friend and say, “Deal with him, Hemingway. Deal with him.” / What do violent diarrhea and a bar fight have in common? Blood on the stool / Joyce was injured in a bar fight once. As he was laying on the floor the bartender said to him, Don't Worry. A Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming down to help.” “Oh, no,” groans Joyce, “couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?”

May Peace lead the way

And Joy clear the path

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: