Toiling ePistle

 Famous First Words: I found myself within a forest dark... Dante ….. The Inferno

The last Friday of January is Fun At Work Day! A friend has a job running a form for Old McDonald. He's the new CIEIO. / Nice resumé, Mr Hendrix...but are you experienced?

..........It's surely not his brain that makes me thrill.........Mildred Fisher …..Bill

Where trade unions are most firmly organized, there are the rights of the people most respected. --Samuel Gompers

It is a very January Friday morning. Half of the sky is pale blue patches framed by fluffy white clouds and the other half has a cover of gray clouds that make the world look cold. A 36°F temperature is accented by a light breeze from the southwest. Wednesday's snow has melted from rooftops but still lays brown and lumpy on lawns and gardens. Our local murder of crows is here early today. The scout is sitting on the backyard utility pole barking comments and looking all around. Caa, caw, cah. Puck is laying on his pillow listening to Veronica bat a jingle toy around in the other room. Is he wishing he could join her or is he hoping she'll tire and nap soon? Apparently I have nothing on my mind so I wonder what the dog is thinking. Humans – they're so strange. I carry my cup of doctored Nuttin But Kisses to my computer and take several long, steamy breaths clearing my sinuses and enjoying the aroma. But it is the first sip that brings a smile. Ah, the rising sun has just peeked out from a cloud and cast light across Bruno's deck; it's gonna be another great day

Hope your weekend is coated in chocolate with a cherry on top, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you're supposed to be doing something else. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Everything on your resumé is a lie? I like that, welcome to Sales. / Algebra In The Workplace: XY = $1.00/ XX = $0.77. solve for Y?

..........Her heart was warm and gay.........Kate Smith …..The Last Time I Saw Paris

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Lewis Carroll aka Charles Lutwidgt Dodgson

• ^ How many books did Mr Carroll write altogether?
• ^^ What was the inspiration for the Cheshire Cat?
• ^^^ Into how many languages has Alice's Adventures in Wonderland been translated?
• ^^^^ Which Carroll characters have been immortalized in the stained glass of Christ Church College?
• ^^^^^ How was Carroll's health?

Big Hello: Dia dhuit - Gaelic https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My phone just filmed a 3 hour documentary about life inside my pocket. --Submitted by jm of ks

Image of the Week: In honor of the Year of the Rabbit ….. and to sneak in an extra dragon)

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 25% of arguments between librarians are settled by a game of Scrabble. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the pub. / The toughest job I ever had was selling doors, door-to-door. --Bell Bailey

..........He don't plant tators, he don't plant cotton.........Jules Bledsoe …..Ol' Man River

Moonbeam: Nature is visible Spirit. Spirit is invisible Nature. --Friedrich von Schelling

Meditation of the Week: Is it always better to be just than unjust? --Plato

Puzzle of the Week: Name a geographical location in two words — nine letters altogether — that, when spoken aloud, sounds roughly like four letters of the alphabet. What is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 4/21/13

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How often do planes crash? Just once. --Submitted by bl of ut

It's just amazing how many spiders they have down there in Web Design. / I got fired from the bank today. An old man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.

..........And now that dream is here beside me.........Rita Hayworth and Gene Kelly …..Long Ago And Far Away

^ Lewis Carroll wrote 11 books on mathematics and 12 works of literary fiction.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 27, 2023. The moon will be in the first quarter tomorrow (1/28) and is in Aries. The United Nations has declared this International day of Commemoration in Memory of the Victims of the Holocaust (A/RES/60/7). It is Auschwitz Liberation Day, International Mobile Phone Recycling Day, National Geographic Day, National Big Wig Day, National Chocolate Cake Day, National preSchool Fitness Day, Thomas Crapper Day, and Vietnam Peace Day. Because it is the last Friday in January it is also Fun At Work Day.

Among those born on this day were Jean-Francois de Troy (1679), Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756), Friedrich von Schelling (1775), David Strauss (1808), Louis Schubert (1828), Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson, 1832), Dmitri Mendeleev (1834), Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836), Samuel Compers (1850), Kaiser Wilhelm II (1859), Will Marion Cook (1969), Jerome Kern (1885), Eduard Kunneke (1885), William Randolph Hearst Jr. (1908), Elmore James (1918), Skitch Henderson (1918), David Seville (Ross Bagdasarian, 1919), Donna Reed (1921), Sabu (1924), Bobby Blue Bland (1930), Mardecai Richler (1931), Troy Donahue (1936), Kim Gardner (1938), Mairead Corrigan-Maguire (1945), Mikhail Baryshnikov (1948), Brian Downey (1951), Mimi Rogers (1955), Keith Olbermann (1959), and Bridget Fonda (1964).

On January twenty-seventh Dante was exiled (1302), Pirate Henry Morgan landed in Panama City (1671), Stanislas, last king of Poland, abdicated (1736), the first state university in the US was chartered (Athens, GA, 1785), Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp (1880), the National Geographic Society was organized (1888), the Social Democratic Party of America held its first convention (1900), US marines occupied Haiti (1915), Lenin's body placed in Red Square (1924), the Harlem Globetrotters played their first game (1927), the first tape recorder was sold (1948), Laverne & Shirley premiered (1976), Cyndi Lauper released Time and Time (1984), and Catherine Roskam became the first US female Episcopal bishop (1996).

Night Sky, 1/27: After dark the Great Square of Pegasus sinks in the west left of Jupiter. It's tipped onto one corner. Meanwhile the Big Dipper is creeping up in the north-northeast, tipped up on its handle. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Super Sleepers

This Week: Saturday, January 28 – Fruitcake Toss day & National Kazoo Day & National Seed Swap Day

Night Sky, 1/28: First-quarter Moon (exactly so at 10:19 am. EST). The Moon is part way between Mars to its left and Jupiter farther to its lower right. During twilight Venus and Saturn complete the lineup low in the west-southwest; a line from the Moon through Jupiter points to them — because, of course, they all lie nearly on the great circle of the ecliptic. Uranus and Neptune are also part of the evening lineup, out of naked-eye sight.

Sunday, January 29 – Freethinkers Day & National Puzzle Day & Thomas Paine Day

Monday, January 30 – Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day & Inane Phone Answering Message Day

Tuesday, January 31 – Fancy Rat and Mouse Day & Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day & Street Children Day

Wednesday, February 1 – Candy Making Day & Freedom Day & World Hijab Day & National Get Up Day

Night Sky, 2/1: Mercury is having a nice dawn apparition. Starting about 50 minutes before your local sunrise, look for it low in the southeast. It's the brightest thing there, shining at about magnitude 0.0 all week. Don't confuse it with Antares about three fists to its right or upper right. Or Altair a little farther to Mercury's left or upper left.

Thursday, February 2 – Candlemas aka Groundhog Day aka Hedgehog Day aka Imbolc & Sled Dog Day

I work as a lifeguard. It is my job to actively fight natural selection. / In retail there are 2 important things to learn. Honesty and Empathy. The sooner you learn to fake these, the better you will be at your job.

..........Hummingbird, mockingbird, listen to me.........Deanna Durbin …..Can't Help Singing

^^ The Cheshire cat was inspired by cheese molds from the Cheshire county in England, a dairy-rich area, where “grinning like a Cheshire cat” was a popular phrase, possibly because cats would have been so happy to live in a land of abundant dairy farms. Cheese makers in the area molded the cheese with a cat’s grinning face, and sliced from the back, so that the cat would slowly disappear and the last part consumed was the head.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Because of a typo I accidentally enrolled my daughter in Girl SCOTUS and her troop has eliminated partisan gerrymandering. --Geeky Steven -Submitted by ay of wa

Moonbeam: Weakness is not treachery, but it fulfills all its functions. --Kaiser Wilhelm II

Video of the Week: Jon Lovitz as George Santos on the Tonight Show https://www.tiktok.com/@fallontonight/video/7190942542282689835

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: “What's the worst country? I mean, you know, you have a list in your head.” --Peter Sagal “Peter, I really appreciate the question,” --Anthony Blinken...yes, THE Anthony Blinken Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/21/23

The trade union movement represents the organized economic power of the workers... It is in reality the most potent and the most direct social insurance the workers can establish. --Samuel Gompers

I had a job selling bras for a while but it couldn't support me. / I took a job as an archaeologist's assistant. Now my career is completely in ruins.

..........I'm as awkward as a camel, that's not the worst..........Fred Astaire …..Pick Yourself Up

^^^ Alice has been published in more than 70 languages.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: reading Hegel is HARD. But I promise that if you just push through and knuckle down you will also get bored. --Schleiermacher --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Weird Word of the Week: Taradiddle: someone or something that is filled with pretentious nonsense or something that is a lie. https://expresswriters.com/34-craziest-words-english/

Dragon of the Week: 2023 Chinese New Year Dragon at EmQuartier Bangkok, Thailand --Submitted by vr of th

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Repel Mosquitoes. To repel mosquitoes, tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop or the plastic flap in the back of a baseball cap. Oleander, the fragrance is Bounce, repels insects. If one sheet of Bounce doesn't work for you, fill our other belt loops with sheets of Bounce, turning yourself into an interesting fashion statement. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounce.html

People are often shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am. / I got an MBA and tried my luck as an investment banker. It was fun for a while, but I quit eventually because I lost interest.

...........When your heart's on fire.........Tamara …..Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

^^^^ So many are there mock turtle, white rabbit, etc. the stained glass windows at Christ Church Dining Hall

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My friend donated her body to science and science donated her body to goodwill. --Submitted by aeb of kc

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: St Helens Sci-Fi, Comic, & Toy Fair 2023 (1/29), St Helens, UK) https://scificons.com/events/info/20302/st--helens-sci-fi-comic-and-toy-fair-2023

Actual Event of the Week: I was at a stop light today waiting to turn left. The rear window of the car in front of me was completely covered with snow. There was not even a peephole. The license plate had a border around it that said “No Worries.....God's Got This Covered”

Actual Science Conference of the Week: AIAA 2023 Science & Technology Forum and Exhibition (23-27, National Harbor, MD) Shaping the future of Aerospace. https://www.dote.osd.mil/Home/ctl/Details/Mid/33173/ItemID/1997/?ContainerSrc=[G]Containers/Joint2/Card-Rounded&SkinSrc=[G]skins/dod2/fullwidth

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Aegean Sea or Indian Cay

Last year I worked as a tailor. I wasn't really suited for the job. / At the Ford factory, they have to rotate the people installing mufflers. It's just too exhausting.

..........You know what, you're lovely.........Adele Dixon …..I Won't Dance

^^^^^ Carroll suffered from chronic migraines, and epilepsy, stammering, partial deafness, and ADHD.

My Own Writing of the Week: I kept hoping that as the Catholic boys aged they would grow up and relax; perhaps they might retire from being Catholic. This doesn't seem to be true. They seem to get more and more frightened or nervous or anxious. I think - wow, it's been 40 years since parochial school had its hands on him, surely...alas, no. But, I'm a creature of perpetual hope.

The Alchemist told me that he was once given a blow job by Inanna herself; but he didn't get off. He had, in fact, never achieved orgasm during oral sex. What a waste! Inanna felt bad and gave some sort of blessing to the woman who could finally do that. It is possible that this was a youthful challenge; I didn't take it up. For one thing, I wasn't a youth. For another, I wasn't about to compete with a goddess. I never tried him again; whose loss was that?

And if we are going to divide them by religious preference, I had a brief affair with a Muslim. There was a small community of Algerians at KU when I was an undergrad. They were fascinating and told incredible stories. The guys had fought in the liberation army. The women were strong and beautiful and some of them had been fighters as well. But the romantic appeal wasn't how he prayed; it was that he had been a revolutionary when Algeria kicked out the French. How close to Che can you get? I was still in college and he was, ultimately, one of the endless, boring, boys in bed. I have no feeling that he was better or worse, more or less hung up (or hung, for that matter). He was very tall and slim and dark and altogether exotic but he predated the Apollo epithet, now when I think back I call him my African Apollo.

From Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: Never look encouragingly at the brass, except with a short glance to give an important cue. --Richard Strauss

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Apparently the White House has been giving out secret documents as parting gifts. --Submitted by Thoughts From Aisle 4

Today's Peace of History, January 27, 1969: In Detroit, African-American auto workers, known as the Eldon Avenue Axle Plant Revolutionary Union Movement, led a wildcat strike against racist practices and poor working conditions at the Chrysler plant.

Eating a salad at your desk is the only thing more depressing than work itself. / I hired a handyman and gave him a list of jobs to do. He completed jobs 1, 3, 5, and 7. Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

..........Delightful to know and heaven to kiss.........Irene Dunne, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers …..Lovely To Look At

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 27, 2023, Toiling ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Work, look for peace and calm in work: you will find it nowhere else. --Dmitri Mendeleev

Cost of War:

• As of 01/26/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $198,343,615,778.
• As of 01/19/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $197,785,748,198.
• As of 01/26/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,113,097,768,262.
• As of 01/19/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,111,539,655,570.
• As of 01/26/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,127,149,061,359.
• As of 01/19/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,125,930,592,205.
• As of 01/26/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,862,831,152,706.
• As of 01/19/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,851,020,283,222.
• As of 01/26/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,004,815,296,713.
• As of 01/19/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,003,632,514,651.
• As of 01/26/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,306,238,208,539.
• As of 01/19/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,290,526,577,522.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There is not a wrong too long endured that we are not determined to abolish. --Samuel Gompers

Famous Last Words: make all our dreams come true for me and you. --Cyndi Grecco The Laverne & Shirley Theme Song

..........I will feel a glow just thinking of you.........Fred Astaire …..The Way You Look Tonight ~~All of today's songs were composed by Jerome Kern

Jokes are for people who do their jobs CORRECTLY. / Warning! To Avoid Injury Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job

May Peace accompany you

And Joy be your companion

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Sweet ePistle

 

Famous First Words: I ask you to share with me today the majesty of this moment... Richard Nixon 1969 Inauguration Speech

Welcome to Sugar Awareness Week (16-29). You have to put just the right amount of sugar in the mix to make a Danish pastry, otherwise it would be sweetish. / I can use either hand to put sugar in my tea. I'm ambidextrose.

..........Blues how do you do.........Leadbelly …..Good Morning Blues

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. --John Marshall

It is a cold, clear Friday morning. Our temperature has already moved from 30 to 32°F, the sky is pale blue with large fluffy white clouds. The rising sun brings out color from the houses and the cars as it climbs the eastern heavens. Very little breeze moves the branches of the willow. I hear the call of a crow but do not see any in flight. In fact not even small, neighborhood birds are out and about yet. Sunlight dims and brightens as the clouds move slowly to the southeast. It makes the house behind us glow a beige-ish yellow for a while and then dim to a pale peach. A trash truck grinding gears and dumping barrels travels down the block and back up the other side. Puck is sleeping on his pillow. His freshly shampooed fur fluffed around him like a halo. I light a stick of rose incense and raise a cup of Nuttin But Kisses to you, ePistlier. Have a great day.

Hope your weekend makes you laugh, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How young can you be and still die of old age? --Submitted by rc of kc

I'm easing into my new diet slowly. I've started by blowing the sugar off my doughnuts. / I visited the doctor today and she said my sugar was too high. So I've moved it to the bottom shelf.

..........Don't try to find you no home in Washington, DC.........Leadbelly …..Bourgeois Blues

Trivia Questions: Happy Penguin Awareness Day

• ^ What is the group term for a flock of penguins?
• ^^ Penguins come in a lot of sizes, what are the upper and lower weight limits?
• ^^^ How long do penguins live?
• ^^^^ How many species of penguins are there?
• ^^^^^ What is the name of the black and white “tuxedo” look donned by species called?

Big Hello: Haluu – Inupiaq (Alaska) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign at the KU vs K-State game: Our Johnson is bigger than your Dick.

Image of the Week: 

https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2419688-2022-fbi-raid-on-mar-a-lago

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 72% of librarians have an archenemy. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A young man once told Bernard Shaw that he had done research and found that the word sugar was the only one in the English language where the su was pronounced sh. Shaw replied, “Sure”.

..........They're mixing everything up with whiskey and wine.........Leadbelly …..Red Cross Store Blues

Moonbeam: I see dance being used as communication between body and soul, to express what is too deep to find for words. --Ruth St Denis

Meditation of the Week: Is there something that underlies the ever-changing appearances of things, something that does not change (which is the essence of reality)? ~~Thought to be the very earliest philosophical question.

Puzzle of the Week: Name a famous living person — first and last names. If you drop the last letter of the first name, you get an element on the periodic table. And if you drop the last letter of the last name, you get the chemical symbol of another element. What celebrity is this? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 1/15/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This Valentine's Day conversation hearts will be back with their classic flavors: Wild Clayberry, Tropical Drywall, Chalk Lovers, Plaster Surprise, and Attic Citrus. --Submitted by INRITH

A lion trainer had the cats under such control, they could take a lump of sugar from her lips on command. A young man in the back row yelled, “I can do that”. So the trainer asked him to try. The man replied, “Certainly, but first,k get those lions out of there.” / I knew a man who pretended to be rich in order to attract women. He wasn't a sugar daddy; he was an artificial sweetener.

..........Just about a mile from Texarkana.........Leadbelly …..Cotton Fields

^ A group of penguins in the water is called a raft but on land they're called a waddle.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 20, 2023. The moon will be new tomorrow and is in Capricorn. It is Camcorder Day, Data Innovation Day, National Cheese Lovers Day. Penguin Awareness Day, National Disc Jockey Day, and Women's Healthy Weight Day,. Because it is the third Friday it is also International Fetish Day and Florida : Arbor Day.

Among those born on this day were Johann Schein (1586), Francesco Conti (1681), Richard H Lee (1732), Andre-Marie Ampere (1775), Sebastian de Iraadier (1809), Charles A. Ellwood (1873), Ruth St Denis (1877), A P Merritt (1884), Leadbelly (1889), George Burns (1896), Federico Fellini (1920), Ray Anthony (1922), Patricia Neal (1926), Martin Landau (1928), Arte Johnson (1929), and David Lynch (1946).

On January twentieth the first English Parliament was called into session (1265), Peace of Knärod signed (Denmark & Sweden, 1619), John Marshall became chief justice (1801), the British took Hong Kong from China (1841), Elizabeth Stanton became the first women to testify before congress (1869), the California Stock Exchange Board was organized (1872), Lone Ranger premiered on radio (1930), Meet the Beatles was released in the US (1964), Richard Nixon was inaugurated (1969), Ronald Regan inaugurated (1981), and Bill Clinton was inaugurated (1993).

Night Sky, 1/20: Sirius twinkles brightly after dinnertime below Orion in the southeast. Around 8 or 9 p.m., depending on your location, Sirius shines precisely below fiery Betelgeuse in Orion's shoulder. How accurately can you time this event for your location, perhaps judging against the vertical edge of a building? Of the two, Sirius leads early in the evening. Betelgeuse leads later. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Couch Cuddle with Mom

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've found that if you tuck one part of your pant legs into your sock, people expect less of you. --Submitted by INRITH

This Week: Saturday, January 21 – National Hugging Day & International Sweatpants Day & National Hug Your Puppy Day

Sunday, January 22 – Answer Your Cat's Questions Day & China New Year & Roe vs Wade Day

Night Sky, 1/22: Zero-magnitude Capella high overhead, and equally bright Rigel in Orion's foot, have almost the same right ascension. This means they cross your sky’s meridian at almost exactly the same time: around 9 or 10 pm. now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. So, whenever Capella passes its very highest, Rigel always marks true south over your landscape, and vice versa.

Monday, January 23 – Maternal Health Awareness Day & National Pie Day & National Handwriting Day

Tuesday, January 24 – Belly Laugh Day & National Compliment Day & National Peanut Butter Day

Wednesday, January 25 – A Room Of One's Own Day & Opposite Day & Robert Burns Day

Night Sky, 1/25: Mars, in Taurus, shines very high in the east-southeast at dusk and near the zenith as you face south by 8 or 9 pm. Mars continues to fade slowly, from magnitude –0.8 to – 0.6 this week, as it shrinks from 13 to 12 arc seconds wide. Mars-colored Aldebaran, mag +0.8, is 8° or 9° below it.

Thursday, January 26 – Clashing Clothes Day & National Peanut Brittle Day & Toad Hollow Day of Encouragement

Donald and Melania Trump are actually a very sweet couple. He's her sugar daddy and she's his arm candy. / I too had a sugar daddy. My father's blood glucose level ran 300 points.

..........Me and my wife we pick a bail a day.........Leadbelly …..Pick A Bail Of Cotton

^^ Penguins weigh anywhere from 2 lbs to 80 lbs.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's the difference between an airplane and the United States? The plane's right wing isn't trying to crash it out of spite. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: To say that a bad government must be established for fear of anarchy is really saying that we should kill ourselves for fear of dying. --Richard Henry Lee

Video of the Week:Leadbelly singing Where Did You Sleep Last Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsfcUZBMSSg

Not So Late Night Snack of the Week: (George Santos) He looks like Marco Rubio's Clark Kent. --Emmy Blotnick Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/14/23

When a law is in its nature a contract, when absolute rights have vested under that contract, a repeal of the law cannot divest those rights. --John Marshall

A man orders coffee with no cream and no sugar. After a few minutes the waitress comes back and says, “We're out of sugar, can you take it with no Stevia?”

..........Stay there by your fireside bright.........Leadbelly …..Good Night (Irene)

^^^ Penguins live 15 to 20 years.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I'm sure it wasn't an anxiety ridden, people hating, sarcastic bitch with a meme problem. --Submitted by NS

Weird Word of the Week: Cacoethes – Irresistible urge to do something inadvisable. (16^th Century) https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/caco%C3%ABthes

Dragon of the Week: Mario the Magnificent – mascot for Drexel University, Philadelphia, PA

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent ski goggles from fogging up. Spray with Barbasol shaving cream, then wipe clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/barbasol.html

Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake. / I had a boyfriend who used to put sugar on his pillow so he'd have sweet dreams.

...........Yonder comes little Rosie, how in the world do you know.........Leadbelly …..Midnight Special

^^^^ There are 18 species of penguin.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Writers: We are all apprentices in a craft where on one ever becomes a master. --Ernest Hemingway

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: OhayoCon (20-22, Columbus, OH) This year's theme is Adventures in Anime. https://ohayocon.org/news/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: National Future of Education Technology Conference (23-25, New Orleans) ...the most dynamic and innovative education leaders and professionals from around the world for an intensive, highly collaborative exploration of new technologies, best practices and pressing issues. https://www.fetc.org/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Tina Fey → Tin Fe

Today I was so bored that I put a bit of sugar right in front of an ant. The ant spent some time eating the sugar and then left to call her friends over. I cleaned it up so they would think she was lying. / Excuse me, ”Is this sugar free?” Cashier: “No, you have to pay for it.”

..........In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine.........Leadbelly …..Where Did You Sleep Last Night

^^^^^ Countershading, or Thayer's law, is a method of camouflage in which an animal's coloration is darker on the top or upper side and lighter on the underside of the body.

My Own Writing of the Week: I am so sorry that I feel I need to include this. I have been so disappointed so often by those good Catholic boys. So what is it that the church does to them? The only one I've known who has a really healthy sexual outlook is gay.

Wait, that isn't fair. Let's assume that some of the men I've loved were raised Catholic, worked it out, and the subject never came up. I certainly never asked after a lover's theology before or after screwing them. It wouldn't have been on my radar normally. But with a fair few Catholics, it seemed to come up.

When we were all still hardly more than children, it was kind of fun; they were naive and rebellious but with a slight lean towards kinkiness. As I got a little older and put a little wisdom on me, it was harder to know just where that malleability came from. It came to feel like a power trip.

But the grownup men I encounter often tend to be less willing to experiment; they hold their asses a little bit tighter than their protestant/atheist counterparts. They appear to be afraid of something. Sometimes, they seem to be afraid of everything. The fear of nudity is the strangest of all. Does the church teach them that clothes protect them from demons, sin, fun? How is it related to the phenomenon of the Mormon's religiously defensive underwear? Yarmulkes? Burqas? Can tattoos protect you?

Worst of all, the subject of their religion comes up. Otherwise how would I know? I don't ask people about their religious affiliations; I really don't care. In most cases I don't want to know. They bring it up one way or another. Sometimes it arises from some other normal conversation. I dated a couple of Jews and knew they were Jews, but the subject never came up. Atheists never bring it up unless someone is pushing them hard. Protestants are all over the map.

From Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: Somewhere in the world there is a tree that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing along with you and I think that's wonderful. --zzcapss

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm surprised every night at midnight when I learn it's only 9:30. --Submitted by jm of ks

Today's Peace of History, January 20, 1869: Elizabeth Cady Stanton became the first woman to testify before congress. She spoke about women’s rights and suffrage. Though she had been an abolitionist she, along with her college friend, Susan B. Anthony, were opposed to the 14th and 15th Amendments to the United States Constitution because they gave rights to African American men that were not given to women of all races.

My friend worked at a sugar refinery until his position was dissolved. / I wanted to be a sugar daddy, but I ended up as a Splenda Stepfather.

..........If you want to ride you gotta ride it like you find it.........Leadbelly …..Rock Island Line

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 20, 2023, Sweet ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: True greatness is when your name is like ampere, watt, and fourier – when it's spelled with a lowercase letter. --André Marie Ampère

Cost of War:

• As of 01/19/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $197,785,748,198.
• As of 01/12/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $197,221,758,355.
• As of 01/19/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,111,539,655,570.
• As of 01/12/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,109,964,295,056.
• As of 01/19/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,126,543,313,270.
• As of 01/12/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,125,930,592,205.
• As of 01/19/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,851,020,283,222.
• As of 01/12/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,839,076,176,014.
• As of 01/19/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,003,632,514,651.
• As of 01/12/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,002,436,021,612.
• As of 01/19/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,290,526,577,522.
• As of 01/12/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,274,630,653,106.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The Constitution is colorblind, and neither knows nor tolerates classes among citizens.

Famous Last Words: and thank you. --Ronald Reagan Inaugural Address 1981

..........Tell him I'm gone.........Leadbelly …..Take This Hammer

I made an apple tart, but it wasn't sweet enough. Apparently, I don't know how to calculate pie. / The doctor said my sugar was much too high, so I took the blunt away from her.

May Peace enhance your life

And Joy sweeten your world

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle rAdio

 Famous First Words: Don't you worry 'bout what's on your mind... The Rolling Stone Let's Spend the Night Together from their appearance on the Ed Sullivan show. 1/13/67

It's Public Radio Day!! Did you hear the NPR segment about how it's rude to ask how heavy people are? Weight? Weight? Don't tell me. / I was the class innuendist. --Michael Feldman

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavored mouthwash ~~Neologism (n.) an alternative meaning for a common word.

..........I hear the train acomin'........Johnny Cash …..Folsom Prison Blues

If everyone decided to forgive at least one person who hurt them by the end of the year, the world would be filled with people exchanging hugs and kisses, instead of words and bullets. --Matshona Dhliwayo

It is a cold (22°F) and cloudy Friday morning. Willow branches hang motionless; neither bird nor breeze shakes them. The sky is a universal gray without texture. Lawns are a universal brown. It is so quiet for the morning, no motors roaring or birds singing. Inside, only Puck's heavy breathing and the hum of the computer grace the ears. Veronica is elsewhere. The aroma of coffee is filling the house and I am stopping to fix myself a cup of chocolate hazelnut decaf before I finish. Ah, the whole sky looks a little brighter with coffee. Friday the thirteenth...a good day to stay home and write to friends.

Hope your weekend floats like a rubber duckie, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A geologist was accused of throwing a lava rock at a tourist. He's been charged with Basalt and Battery.

A Garrison Keillor Bad Joke: Xerox and Wurlitzer are merging. They are going to manufacture reproductive organs.

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

..........Rollin' down the eastern seaboard........Johnny Cash …..Orange Blossom Special

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Frisbee

• ^ What is the usual diameter of a Frisbee?
• ^^ Where does the name Frisbee come from?
• ^^^ How do Frisbees fly?
• ^^^^ What are the origins of Frisbee or Ultimate golf?
• ^^^^^ How many Frisbee/Disc Golf Courses are there in the US.

Big Hello: Ai – Inuktitut https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My body is not a temple, it's a midwest dive bar. --Submitted by RHOZ

Image of the Week: The Ghost Bus of Lawrence

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 37% of librarians can successfully judge a book by its cover. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Heard on NPR: One person in the article said, I really miss traffic because it was a great time to catch up on podcasts. Now he has to hire two people just to laugh at their own jokes for an hour every day. --Peter Sagal / See, this turtle is crossing the road, and he's mugged by two snails. As he's laying there getting better, the police show up and ask him what happened. He says he doesn't know because it all happened so fast.

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

..........Made a good run but I run too slow........Johnny Cash …..Cocaine Blues

Moonbeam: The less there is of eloquence, the more there is of love. --Charles Perrault

Meditation of the Week: Are the German people guilty? --Karl Jaspers

Puzzle of the Week: Name a US state capital for which the name of another well-known US city is an antonym. The second city has a population of more than 100,000.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Marginal Mennonites don't do “worship”...because we don't believe in a deity with self-esteem issues. --Submitted by MMS

Heard on NPR: After the apocalypse comes, we may be reduced to eating each other, but at least we'll have dessert. The company that makes Oreos has announced the creation of the Oreo vault, a secure storage facility on an Arctic island. The vault is bombproof, weatherproof and hopefully college roommate-proof. It was built near the very real and very serious global seed vault. That's intended to help regrow crops following an extinction-level event, which is nice. But vegetables do not have a cream filling. So the Nabisco company says they built the vault in response to the news of an asteroid that has a 0.41% chance of colliding with Earth. --Peter Sagal

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

..........A cold wild wind has come........Johnny Cash …..I Still Miss Someone

^ The typical diameter of Frisbees or flying discs ranges from 20 to 25 centimeters (8 to 10 inches), however they are available in smaller and larger sizes.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 13, 2023. The moon will go into the last quarter on Sunday (1/15) and is in Libra. It is Blame Somebody Else Day, Make Your Dream Come True Day, National Sticker Day, Public Radio Broadcasting Day, and Rubber Duckie Day. In Ghana it is Redemption Day (1972) and in Togo it is Liberation Day (1963). Meanwhile, the United States celebrates Stephen Foster Memorial Day.

Among those born on this day were Jan Goyen (1596), Charles Perrault (1628), Anton Fischer (1778), Horatio Alger Jr (1834), Wilhelm Wien (1864), Alfred Fuller (1885), Ralph Edwards (1913), Robert Stack (1919), Gwen Verdon (1925), Charles Nelson Riley (1931), Richard Moll (1943), Joy Chant (1945), Brandon Tartikoff (1949), Fred White (1955), Trevor Rabin (1955), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (1961), and Patrick Dempsey (1966).

On January thirteenth Elizabeth I was crowned queen of England (1559), Galileo Galilei discovered Callisto (1610), Colored National Labor Union convention (1869), the National Geographic Society was founded (1888), Textile workers in Netherlands strike (until 6/1, 1902), Deirdre of the Sorrows premiered (1910), the Mickey Mouse comic strip first appeared (1930), Wham-O produced the first frisbee (1957), the Daily Worker ceased publication (1958), Wilt Chamberlain scored record 73 points in game vs Chicago (1962), Robert Weaver became first black on a presidential cabinet (HUD, 1966), the Rolling Stones appeared on Ed Sullivan Show (1967), Johnny Cash recorded his concert at Folsom State Prison in California (1968), and Caldwell became the first female conductor at the Metropolitan Opera House (1976).

Night Sky, 1/13: Orion leans bravely upward in the east-southeast after dark this week, and by 7 pm, he's nice and high in the southeast with Sirius shining below him. Orion stands upright and highest by 10 pm. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Lumberjacks in training

This Week: Saturday, January 14 – Bald Eagle Appreciation Day & Organize Your Home Day & World Logic Day

Sunday, January 15 – Humanitarian Day & National Hat Day & World Snow Day

Night Sky, 1/15: The Moon rises around midnight or 1 am., with Spica about half a fist to its upper right. Brighter Arcturus is two fists to the Moon's upper left. Even in cold January, spring stars come out of hiding if you go out late enough.

Monday, January 16 – Appreciate A Dragon Day & National Nothing Day & National Crowd Feed Day

Tuesday, January 17 – International Mentoring Day & Kid Inventors Day & World Scotch Pie Day

Wednesday, January 18 – Pooh (Winnie the) Day & Thesaurus Day

Night Sky, 1/18: Venus, very bright at magnitude –3.9, shines low in the west in twilight. It sets by twilight's end. As twilight fades and Venus gets lower, look for dimmer Saturn coming into view to Venus's upper right.

Thursday, January 19 – Popcorn Day & World Day of Migrants and Refugees & World Quark Day

Garrison Kiellor Pretty Good Joke: I'm so ugly when I go to the zoo I need 2 tickets – one to get in and one to get out. / What do you get if you cross a Chrysler and a Fiat? A BIG car that doesn't start --RJ Goos Car Talk

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

..........Seek not your fortune in a dark dreary mine........Johnny Cash …..Dark As A Dungeon

^^ The name ‘Frisbee’ is said to have originated from the Frisbie Pie Company’s metal pie tins that were used by university students as flying discs, and it is a trademark name owned by Wham-O, an American toy company, who bought the rights to the invention in 1957.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Thus, the Yardbirds begat Cream, Spencer Davis Group begat Traffic, Cream and Traffic begat Blind Faith, and Blind Faith begat Derek and the Dominos and Ginger Baker's Air Force... --Sipress

Moonbeam: Even the weeds provide food for higher forms of creation, and hold the land from erosion against the inevitable day of cultivation. --Alfred Fuller

Video of the Week: The running of the 2022 Stephen Foster Race (2:15) Click Here

Archived Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: There was a big fight this week about hip hop slang. Rival gangs were going at each other over the meaning of words. This fight happened where? Yes, in the New York Times crossword puzzle. That's where the fight happened. Last Saturday's puzzle offered this clue - listen carefully - "wack, in hip hop." And the answer was "illin." Now, this is ridiculous, as all the street smart readers of the Times know, because wack means bad, as in, "Whoa, the Style section was wack this week." And illin means good, as in "Oh, I thought Maureen Dowd's column on Michelle Obama was quite illin, n'est pas." --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/14/2012

The intriguing placidity from the slothful pace of a snail is truly very peaceful. Our world is in need of this calmness to pacify itself. --Munia Khan

Garrison Kiellor Joke: A man went to sing for the patients at the hospital. He sang some opera, some Broadway, some pop songs, and at the end, he said, “Thank you so much and I hope you all get better.” They said, “We hope you get better too.” / A teenage boy tells his father, “Dad, there's trouble with the car, it has water in the carburetor.” The father looks confused and says, “That's ridiculous!” But the son insists. “I tell you, the car has water in the carburetor.” His father, starting to get a little nervous, says, “You don't even know what a carburetor is...but I will check it out. Where is the car?” “In the pool,” replies the son. –Maura Hayes Car Talk

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

..........Arms reaching, smiling sweetly........Johnny Cash …..Green Green Grass of Home

^^^ Frisbees and flying discs are kept airborne by creating lift through the spinning caused by a throw, combined with the shape of the disc.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Capitalism breeds innovation that's why America keeps figuring out new ways to not give anyone healthcare. --First-mate prance --Submitted by aeb of kc

Weird Word of the Week: Vaccimulgence – Cow Milking http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-vac2.htm

Dragon of the Week: Seattle's Chinatown Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a countertop with ease. Spray some Barbasol shaving cream on a dirty countertop, let your kids or grandchildren have fun rubbing it around (doing the work for you),
and then rinse clean and wipe with a soft cloth. The condensed soap cleans grease and grime. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/barbasol.html

Heard on NPR: Archaeologists have discovered a perfectly preserved Roman thermopolium - or fast food stand - frozen in time in the ash-covered city of Pompeii. It was surrounded when they uncovered it by this huge line of bodies because on the day of the eruption, the stand had just introduced its new spicy chicken sandwich. --Peter Sagal

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

...........But I know it was suicide........Johnny Cash …..The Wall

^^^^ In 1965, George Sappenfield, from Fresno California, was a recreation counselor during summer break from college. While playing golf one afternoon he realized that it might be fun for the kids on his playground if they played "golf" with Frisbees. He set up an object course for his kids to play on.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cat ownership is hearing a single soft “clink” from across the house and yelling GET AWAY FROM THE BUTTER --Submitted by FNOG

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Arisia 2023 (13-16, Boston) ...unique entertainment and learning opportunities that led to Arisia winning the title of Best Fan Gathering in the "Best in Boston" awards for 2016! https://www.arisia.org/?gclid=CjwKCAiA8OmdBhAgEiwAShr403dsbkprjryuNQ-M4N2Rm0nd4uZZavUoCvDpQAxiWDveJvQfsbB-5RoCSWUQAvD_BwE

Actual Science Conference of the Week: IDEAS Social Innovation Challenge (13, MIT) complex real-world social and environmental challenges. https://calendar.mit.edu/event/ideaschallenge#.Y7sFYXbMI2w

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Little Rock (Ark.) --> Boulder (Colo.)

Heard on NPR: Purchasing a rain barrel often leads to buying more water collecting devices. I guess you could say a rain barrel is a gateway jug. / A German Shepherd went to the telegraph office, took out a blank form, and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another “Woof” for the same price. “But,” said the dog, “that would make no sense at all.”

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

..........When I breeze into that city, people gonna stoop and bow........Johnny Cash & June Carter …..Jackson

^^^^^ Currently, there are over 11,500 disc golf courses in the world. The United States alone accounts for over 8,500 of those courses.

My Own Writing of the Week: Our Various Religious Upbringings

I grew up in a series of small American Baptist churches. We lived in the country and for a while went to the next tiny town over to church. Then a church got started in our neighborhood so we went there. And then a church south of us needed help and so we went there for a while. They all had their pros and cons. But my mother was one to think about things and not accept something just because the preacher said so. She believed the new testament book of Hebrews was written by Priscilla because women need to be represented as messengers as well as men. She also had a great sense of humor which whittles dogmatic bs to nothing real fast. My biggest problem with religion is that they either don't understand or don't believe what they say. For instance, I was taught very young that there is only one god. This is very important to Baptists. I believed them. So if anyone I meet or read or hear about who is looking for god, it's got to be the same god because there is only one. So the Baptists, much to their horror, I'm sure, encouraged me to investigate what god hunters around the globe and through the ages had found out about god.

Which led me to science. Here's a for instance on that understanding and/or believing phenomenon. God created the universe. Since the creation of the universe is an ongoing process, god is still creating the universe...as we read. So we are now staring at the big bang but antropomorphized into an old man who picks favorites in the super bowl.

In the end all I can say about god is that I am an English major, I understand metaphors, sure, god is real. And, of course, holy spirit (an aspect of god) is realer than god the creator. Holy Spirit arises from the merging of energies. That's how they did it in the very early church. That's why the Sufi's dance. It's why we meditate in groups. It's why I f*ck.

From Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Apology of the Week: The term is ménage à trois – not whatever crap I wrote last week. I have no excuse. I knew it was wrong, googled it, and found nothing. And finding nothing didn't even suggest to me that I was so wrong, not even the computer could find it. I'm getting rusty.

Quote of the Week: Seems to be a deep instinct in human beings for making everything compulsory that isn't forbidden. --Robert Heinlein

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Time is precious. Waste it wisely.

Today's Peace of History, January 13, 1958: Linus Pauling presented to the United Nations, signed by over 11,000 scientists (including 36 Nobel laureates) from 49 countries. It called for an end to nuclear weapons testing for its detrimental health, especially genetic, and ecological effects, among other reasons.

A Garrison Keillor Bad Joke: Viagra stolen. It's in the news. Hardened criminals on the loose. / Trump swastika flags are at half-staff –Michael Feldman

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Willy Nilly (adj.), impotent. ~~The Neologism were submitted by ma of va

..........At the Indianapolis of your heart I lost the race........Johnny Cash …..Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 13, 2023, ePistle Radio. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: According to the kinetic theory of gases, the mean kinetic energy of a molecule is a measure of absolute temperature. --Wilhelm Wien

Cost of War:

• As of 01/12/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $197,221,758,355.
• As of 01/05/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $196.673.120.864.
• As of 01/12/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,109,964,295,056.
• As of 01/05/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,108,431,946,226.
• As of 01/12/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,125,930,592,205.
• As of 01/05/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,125,334,491,876.
• As of 01/12/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,839,076,176,014.
• As of 01/05/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,827,460,422,610.
• As of 01/12/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,002,436,021,612.
• As of 01/05/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,001,272,821,227.
• As of 01/12/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,274,630,653,106.
• As of 01/05/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,259,178,899,397.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace is a gift you give to yourself, to other people, and to the world. The only way you'll ever have peace is by gifting it. --C JoyBell C

Famous Last Words: No priest attended. --Goethe Deirdre of the Sorrows

I got chains – chains around my feet........Johnny Cash …..I Got Chains

Washington Post Neologism Winners: Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

NPR recently started a heavy metal band named “All Things Dismembered” / I don't feel like a 40-year-old. I feel more like four 10-year-olds. --Michael Feldman

May Peace reside within your world

And Joy dwell within yourself

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy Blame Somebody Else Day