Pigskin ePistle

 Famous First Words: Whereas the people of California... An Act for the Admission of the State of California into the Union.

Oh, Goody, it's college football season again. The University of Kansas football team is introducing the Rosary Bowl where every play is a Hail Mary.

..........Sittin' in the morning sun..........Otis Redding …..Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay

Let us forgive each other – only then will we live in peace. --Leo Tolstoy

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. There is not even a hint of a cloud in the azure sky. A temperature of 62°F is warm enough to need no jacket but cool enough to suggest fall may arrive soon. The world is lush with late summer greenery and fruit and flowers and squirrels manically gathering anything they can and storing it here and there. Birds and chirping a rather merry song counterpointed by the sound of car motors and human voices. No breeze moves the trees – not even the willows that are still and stately in the morning sunshine. Puck saunters through the morning walk, barking at phantoms and at the ladies gathering for their daily house cleaning assignments. Puck likes to stop and explain to them how the work works; but they know already and ignore him. We wait as a car passes and then cross the street back to home. I spend a moment enjoying the smell of brewing coffee. Puck pulls a long drink and scoots under the bed for an early morning nap and I fix a cup of decaf with sweetener and cream. Ahhh. So now I get to sit down and write to you. What a morning!

Hope your weekend goes the whole nine yards, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Coffee is just goth water. --Friedrich Nietzsche --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

The Jayhawk star lineman lost his scholarship in the very first game of the season. He pulled a groin – not his own.

..........You were only waiting for this moment to arise..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Black Bird

Trivia Questions: Tomorrow is Banana Day !

• ^ To what family of fruit does the banana belong?
• ^^ When did bananas come to the new world?
• ^^^ What cartoon character taught Americans how to store, prepare and eat bananas?
• ^^^^ Do you have any idea what banana related activity is outlawed in Chinese live streams?
• ^^^^^ Would you care to guess what percentage of DNA humans share with bananas?

Big Hello: Guten Tag – German https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you are cremated after you die you can be put into an hourglass and you can continue to participate in family game night. --Submitted by ss of kc

Image of the Week:

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 89% of librarian's current bookmarks are receipts from the local liquor store. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

How many Jayhawks does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he gets 3 credit hours for it.

..........I should be sleeping like a dog..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..A Hard Day's Night

Moonbeam: Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans. --Alf Landon

Meditation of the Week: What is the best moral system?

Puzzle of the Week: This puzzle comes from listener Paula Egan Wright. Name a well-known island. Move the first letter six spaces later in the alphabet. Read the result backward. You'll get where this island is located. What island is it? NPR Puzzle Sunday 9/4/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Starting this week I let a professional football team determine my mood for the next four month. --Submitted by RHOZ

Kansas Football is a combination of 2 great American pastimes. 1) Coercive land grabbing 2) exploiting black labor

..........Is anybody in there..........Roger Walters & Pink Floyd …..Comfortably Numb

^ Bananas develop from a flower with a single ovary and have a soft skin, fleshy middle and small seeds. As such, they meet all botanical requirements of a berry and can be considered both a fruit and berry.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 9, 2022. The moon will be full (Corn) tomorrow (9/10) and is in Pisces. It is International Buy a Priest a Beer Day, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day, Opposite Day, Wonderful Weirdos Day, Banana Day, and Stand Up to Cancer Day. In Bulgaria and Luxembourg it is Liberation Day and in Scotland it is Fisherman's Walk Day. In California it is Admission Day (1850)

Among those born on this day were Cardinal A Jean de Plessicide de Richelieu (1585), William Bligh (1754), Leo Tolstoy (1828), Harishchandra (1850), Mary Austin (1868), Alf Landon (1887), James Hilton (1900), Jimmy the Greek (1919), Cliff Robertson (1925), Chaim Topol (1935), Otis Redding (1941), Roger Waters (Pink Floyd, 1943), Billy Preston (5th Beatle, 1946), Michael Keaton (1951), Angela Cartwright (1952), and Dave Stewart (Eurythmics, 1952).

On September ninth the Continental Congress renamed the United Colonies, United States (1776), California became the 31st state, (1850), the territories of New Mexico and Utah were created (1850), Luxembourg gained its independence (1867), Almalthea, the 4th moon of Jupiter, was discovered (1892), the American Bowling Congress formed (1895), Orville Wright made the first one hour flight (VA, 1908), the Association for Study of Negro Life & History organized (Chicago, 1913), the Boston Police went on strike (1919), RCA created NBC (1926), a laugh track was first used on television (1950), Elvis appeared on Ed Sullivan (1956), John Lennon met Yoko Ono (1966), and Nolan Ryan struck out his 4,500th batter (1987).

Night Sky, 9/9: Full Moon tonight (exactly full at 5:59 am Saturday morning EDT). The Moon rises in the east-southeast just after sunset. As the stars come out, you can see that the Moon is between bright Jupiter a couple of fists to its lower left, dimmer Saturn farther to the Moon's upper right (out of the frame below), and Fomalhaut, twinkling down to the Moon's lower right. The Moon forms a roughly equilateral triangle with those last two. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: A cart full of brothers

This Week: Saturday, September 10 - National Hollerin' Day & Swap Ideas Day & Suicide Prevention Day & Banana Day

Sunday, September 11 – Libraries Remember Day & National Pet Memorial Day

Night Sky, 9/11: Vega now passes the zenith in late twilight about an hour after sunset, for those of us living in the world's mid-northern latitudes. Compared to our Sun, Vega is 2.5 times as large, about 1.7 times hotter, and 40 times brighter. But at a distance of 25 light-years it's 1.6 million times farther away.

Monday, September 12 – National Boss/Employee Exchange Day & National Police Woman's Day

Tuesday, September 13 – Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day & Scooby-Doo Day & Uncle Sam Day

Wednesday, September 14 – National Sober Day & National Kreme Filled Doughnut Day

Night Sky, 9/14: Venus, magnitude –3.9, rises about a half hour after dawn gets under way. As dawn brightens, look for it very low in the east.

Thursday, September 15 – Felt Hat Day & Greenpeace Day & International Day of Democracy

What does the Oklahoma Sooner fan do when OK wins the national championship? Turns of the Xbox.

..........Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona for some California grass..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Get Back

^^ Portuguese sailors brought bananas from West Africa and introduced them to Americans in the 16^th century.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Moonbeam: “People make mistakes in life through believing too much, but they have a damned dull time if they believe too little.” --James Hilton

Video of the Week: Chiquita Bananas infomercial featuring Carmen Miranda. (1:24) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI24RRAE

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: After a 27 year career at the top of literally her game she thought that Father Time had caught up with her but it turns out Father Time is just another man who says he can beat Serena at tennis...She's a retired person who likes tennis, it's obvious she's going to play Pickleball --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/3/22

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. --Leo Tolstoy

I'm not sure about the football coach, rumor is he went to the bank to get his quarterback.

..........Will it fly high like the birds up in the sky..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Will It Go Round In Circles

^^^ It was Chiquita Banana who sang “never, never put bananas in the refrigerator”.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Can the witches please gather in woods tonight and make fall happen already. I'm tired of being sad & sweaty, I want to be sad and cozy.

Weird Word of the Week: Florilegium – anthology (Latin flor – flower and legere – to gather or collect) http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-flo1.htm

Dragon of the Week: From the Temple of Quetzalcoatl

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe a burn. Make a paste from equal parts Aunt Jemima Original Syrup and Gold Medal Flour. Apply the mixture to the burn and cover with wet gauze for 20 minutes to alleviate the burning sensation. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

Football players at Kansas wear armor when they play knight games.

...........Thoughts meander like a restless wind..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Across The Universe

^^^^ In China, seductively eating a banana during a live stream is illegal.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory. --Submitted by RHOZ

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Rose City Comic Con 2022 (9-11, Portland, OR) ...Premier Pop Culture Convention https://rosecitycomiccon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: I couldn't find any science conferences but here's a Mystery Convention -- Bouchercon 2022 (8-11, Minneapolis, MN) World Mystery Convention https://www.bouchercon2022.com/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Malta - Atlas

There was a punter from Baylor who went blind. He became a referee for the Big 10.

..........Hold me, love me, hold me. Love me..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Eight Days A Week

^^^^^ Humans share about 50% of our DNA with bananas.

My Own Writing of the Week: How could I change the water of bad sex-loving into righteous sex-loving wine? I began with the phenomena of physical intimacy and orgasm and worked outward through layers of physical sensations then emotions and their connections to other people through lust and love and romance. I did it mostly to see what I could find.

The closest feeling I'd ever had to oneness with something bigger than myself was before, during and after sexual climax. I had absolutely no problem naming that feeling (those feelings) righteous. It is so easy to pay attention; it is so easy to reach bliss (no-mind, samadhi) in that state. And the acts themselves, the touching and the kisses, the tiny thrills and shivers, the openness and intimacy demand some deep part of you to respond, to acknowledge, to love. The more attention you give to a small detail, the more pleasure it renders. Here's a finger, taste it, kiss it, love it. It becomes a little meditation within a bigger bliss. Every touch adds up; every kiss raises the energy level.

When I compared what people said about meditation to this experience I saw the resemblance immediately. Mindfully making one's way toward mindlessness. I concluded that I would make sex my method of praise and prayer. I could make sex (my groin, root chakra, Kundalini, Venus, mojo) my central connection to divinity. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. Whatever the goddess of love sends you, love it with all your body and soul. --Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: So you just want to let him off scot-free for insurrection because he's no longer in power? That's like acquitting Jeffrey Dahmer because he's full. --Stephen Colbert

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wouldn't mind having a split personality if the other one did the housework. --Submitted by bc of tx

Today's Peace of History, September 9, 1997: Sinn Fein, the Irish Republican Army's allied political party, formally renounced violence by accepting the principles put forward by former US Senator George Mitchell who was mediating the talks between the Irish Republicans and the British Unionists in Northern Ireland's future.

What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minutes, then sitting and weeping uncontrollably the next? The Kansas football coach.

..........And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me..........Beatles & Billy Preston …..Let It Be

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle 9/9 22, Pigskin ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: Nothing the desert produces expresses it better than the unhappy growth of the tree yuccas. --Mary Hunter Austin

Cost of War:

• As of 9/08/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $187,225,863,599.
• As of 9/01/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $186,669,932,135.
• As of 9/08/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,082,044,753,341.
• As of 9/01/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,080,492,045,961.
• As of 9/08/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,115,072,001,112.
• As of 9/01/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,114,469,158,154.
• As of 9/08/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,627,439,963,764.
• As of 9/01/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,615,669,518,426.
• As of 9/08/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,981,237,986,420.
• As of 9/01/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,980,059,015,720.
• As of 9/08/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7.993,024,553,762.
• As of 9/01/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7.977,362,301,406.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. --Leo Tolstoy

Famous Last Words: Peter. Peter --Spiderman the movie Uncle Ben's (played y Cliff Robertson) last words

..........Keep your head up movin' on..........Eurythmics …..Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

The Kansas Heisman Trophy candidate falsified his rushing stats. The yards were stacked in his favor.

May Peace Guide Your Arm

And Joy Catch Whatever You Throw

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy Wonderful Weirdos Day from S Clay Wilson