Famous First Words: Just take those old records off the shelf. --Bob Seger Old Time Rock & Roll
The Plumbing Protrusion: From time to time (meaning every 6 months or so) our kitchen sink would refuse to drain properly. When asked about this, the sink replied by misquoting AA Milne: By the time it came to the edge of five decades the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to when it was younger, but moved slowly. The sink had not only grown up but had grown old. So had the pipes through which the sink-water used to jump and sparkle. Two different plumbers said the cure was to unplug or replace the pipe from the house to the sewer and everyone agreed that access to that pipe was through the floor of my bedroom. I was sleeping over the crumbling remains of my own jammed garbage chute.
..........If Drano's a joke and your plunger is broke.........Al Yankovic …..The Plumbing Song
I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy. --Radindranath Tagore
It is a wet Friday morning. The sky is overcast but not crying at the moment. The world, however, is wet from overnight rain, and yesterday's rain, and the day before that. The grass and weeds and even the hollyhock are happy. A light breeze makes the willow dance and the grass blades wiggle as if they are giggling. Every shade of green can be seen. Onyx, the black cat, stands at the patio window checking on the catnip patch outside the door. It is tall and green and too dignified to blow in the wind. And Onyx reports this in a plaintive voice, repeatedly. The breeze makes the 54°F seem a little chilly, especially with a high humidity. I'm sitting at my computer in the living room waiting for my room to be finally finished so I can move back in. I sip decaf which I have sweetened and creamed and I inhale the steam to clear my sinuses and appreciate the aroma. And I appreciate you, dear reader. I'm glad to be able to send this to you today.
I hope to all get out that you are comfortable and happy in your own room, ePistliers, and me too.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.... --Submitted by bc of tx
The Best Laid Plans: Tuesday (or rather by Tuesday) we would move all the furniture from my room and the hallway and the living room. Because since we would have to redo my floor we should do the hall and living room at the same time. It made sense. Life Lesson: The only thing worse than packing everything you own to move is packing everything you own to not move. Wednesday the handyman would come and tear out all the old carpeting. Thursday the plumbers would dig the hole, replace the pipes, and fill in the hole. The next Monday, people would come and lay down the new flooring. Such a rosy picture. This was true life fantasy.
..........There's been some strange goings on..........Paul Simon …..One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the American Lung Association
^ Lungs are the only organ that can float on water. Why?
^^ Do you know how your right lung differs from your left one?
^^^ What is the study of lung diseases called?
^^^^ What causes your chest to swell and collapse as you breathe?
^^^^^ Asthma is the most common lung disease; can you estimate how many US citizens have asthma?
Big Hello: Misawa – Dholuo (Kenya, Sudan, & Tanzania) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Wookiees have a 400 year lifespan, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog. --Submitted by bc of tx
Max Picture of the Week: Max paying attention while dad reads
Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 78% of librarians shush patrons because they would get in trouble for saying, “Will you please shut up already!” https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
The Somewhere Else Solution: It would be 2 nights without a bed and 3-4 days without a room. So I packed up and went to stay at/hide with my friend (of 50+ years), Jo. Jo's house has a huge, lush, lavish, backyard and a still young garden in the front yard. It's spring, the weather is fine. I spent the days on the back porch reading a book of delights (Literal delights...more later) and writing, mostly descriptions of wildlife stalking one another through the jungle of violets and dandelions. It wasn't hard to not worry about the hell hole opening in my room...my comfortable, safe, abiding, customized room..
..........Bother me tomorrow, today I'll buy no sorrow..........Creedence Clearwater Revival …..Lookin' Out My Back Door
Moonbeam: I just wanted to say things that women wanted to say, but were afraid to. --Sylvia Robinson
Meditation the Week: I call it Spiritual Plumbing. Why? Because empowerment, chakras and all those states of being like confidence, self-expression, peace, creativity and so on work just like pipes do — they can either get a leak or clog up, but when they are free and clear life is great. --Tudor Alexander
Puzzle of the Week: Name a sound made by a certain animal. Change one letter in it to the next letter of the alphabet, and you'll get a color associated with that animal. What's the sound, and what's the color?
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe I'm happy but asymptomatic. --Submitted by MMS
Week of the Week: Geek Week (1-7) --Wait, protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. / The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
Plumber's Plunge: The carpet came up faster than a gender reveal forest fire leaving only dust, tiny pieces of cement, and dirt. There were discussions of scraping dried glue and stuff; but it's all second hand. But I was at Jo's watching the cats slink through the grass. Bright and early the next morning the plumbers showed up while I sat on Jo's porch watching a squirrel find it's way into the unused chicken coop. When the plumbers discovered that replacing that pipe didn't solve the drainage problem, I was writing a bad poem about a cardinal sitting on the recycle bin. When the plumbers had to dig up a trench across my room to find a firm pipe to connect with, I was taking a nap on Jo's spare bed.
..........high as a mountain, deep as a river..........Billie Holiday …..Come Rain or Come Shine
^ Each of your lungs contains about 300 million balloon-like structures called alveoli, which replace the carbon-dioxide waste in your blood with oxygen. When these structures are filled with air, the lungs become the only organs in the human body that can float
Almanac: It is Friday, May 6, 2022. The moon will go into the first quarter on Monday and is in Cancer. It is Bike To School Day, Child Care Provider Day, Joseph Brackett Day, No Diet Day, No Homework Day, and Nurses Day aka National RN Recognition Day. Because it is the first Friday, it is International Space Day and Tuba Day. Because it is the Friday, before Mother's Day it is Child Care Provider Day and Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Because it is the first weekend in May it is also Dandelion Days .
Among those born on this day were Lorenzo Lippi (1606), Maximilien Robespierre (1758), Ferdinand III (1769), Ferdinand Marcucci (1800), William Walker (1809), Heinrich Ernst (1814), Grove Karl Gilbert (1843), Sigmund Freud (1856), Georges Hue (1858), Radindranath Tagore (1861), José Ortega y Gasset (1883), Rudolph Valentino (1895), Harry Golden (1902), Stewart Granger (1913), Orson Welles (1915), Theodore H. White (1915), Willie Mays (1931), Sylvia Robinson (1936), Bob Seger (1945), and George Clooney (1961).
On May sixth the Council of Vienna closed (1312), the Brandenburg/Netherlands treaty was signed (1672), the first international boxing match was held (1733), the first black Masonic Lodge formed (Boston, 1787), Surinam was sold to the English (1804), John Deere made his first steel plow (1833), Great Britain issued the first postage stamp, the Penny Black (1840), Yale patented his lock (1851), Arkansas and Tennessee seceded (1861), the Universal Exposition opened in Paris (1889), the American Lung Association held its first meeting (1904), the American Soccer League formed (1921), the Hindenburg exploded (1937), Stalin became premier of Russia (1941), Elizabeth Taylor married Conrad Hilton, Jr. (her first, 1950), the last episode of I Love Lucy aired (1957), Princess Margaret married Antony Armstrong-Jones (1960), the Civil Rights Act of 1960 was signed (1960), students seized the administration building at Cheyney State College (1967), Mario Andretti set the one-lap speed record at the Indianapolis 500 at 218.204 mph (1987), and the House passed the assault weapons ban (1994).
Night Sky, 5/6 : Face north just after nightfall, look very high, and you'll find the Pointers, the end stars of the Big Dipper's bowl, on the meridian pointing toward Polaris straight down below. From the Pointers to Polaris is about three fists at arm's length. Whenever the Pointers point straight down, Vega is rising low in the northeast, Leo walks horizontally high across the south, and the Arch of Spring fills the high west. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Image of the Week: This is what my room looked like when I came back from a restful retreat at Jo's. ~~Hopefully next week it will be a picture of my restored room.
This Week: Saturday, May 7 – Free Comic Book Day & Herb Day & Kentucky Derby Day
Sunday, May 8 – No Socks Day & Student Nurse Day & World Red Cross/Red Crescent Day
Night Sky, 5/8: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark in May: Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest. They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun, and because they're all relatively nearby: 37, 25, and 42 light-years respectively.
Monday, May 9 – Alphabet Magnet Day & National Sleepover Day
Tuesday, May 10 – Clean Your Room Day & National Golf Day & National Lipid Day
Wednesday, May 11 – National Night Shift Workers Day & School Nurse Day & Eat What You Want Day
Night Sky, 5/11 : These spring evenings, the long, dim sea serpent Hydra snakes far across the southern sky. Find Hydra's head, a rather dim asterism about the width of your thumb at arm's length, in the southwest. It's lower right of Regulus by about two fists at arm's length. Also, a line from Castor through Pollux points to it about 2½ fists away. Hydra's tail stretches all the way to Libra rising in the southeast. Hydra's star pattern, from forehead to tail-tip, is 95° long. That's more than a quarter of the way around the celestial sphere.
Thursday, May 12 – International Nurses Day & Limerick Day & Native American Rights Day
Smile, You're on Candid Camera: Tom texted me to call him as soon as I got back to the house. He texted me just about the time I had decided to stay an extra day not wanting to ever be in the same house as a jack hammer. When I told him that, he said he wanted pictures of the lack of progress. Jeff, who was home – in his nice not torn up room – had been taking pictures all day. So Jeff sent pictures to Tom and Tom asked for other pictures and so it's all documented. Jeff took the image of the week of Wakarusa Trench above. I am so glad that he didn't text it to me, I don't know what I would have done...taken up drinking perhaps.
..........I got a Nikon camera. I love to take a photograph.........Paul Simon …..Kodachrome
^^ Your left and right lungs aren’t exactly the same. The lung on the left side of your body is divided into two lobes while the lung on your right side is divided into three. The left lung is also slightly smaller, allowing room for your heart.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's not an empty nest until they get all of their stuff out of the basement.
Moonbeam: The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water. --Sigmund Freud
Video of the Week: Bob Seger singing Turn The Page https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3khH9ih2XJg
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Joke for you. 2 worms got mad at each other...they started beefing...you know how it ended. It ended in a tie. Worm Humor.. Myles Stubblefield, Worm King --Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/30/22
Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: And isn't it amazing, after all these years of the right screaming about the threats of Sharia Law, turns out they were just jealous? --Trevor Noah
Those who own much have much to fear. --Radindranath Tagore
You Can't Come Home Again: I had to go home on Friday. I had only taken enough clothes and pills for 2 days and I'd spent those. Jo had a washer for clothes, but the pills were another story. I only take one prescription regularly and I was out of those and my pain pills which I take now and again, I was out of them too. So I had to go back. Jo returned me between pickleball and bridge. The trench seen in the picture ran out into the hall where it widened into a kind of quarry, snaked up the hall a couple of feet, turned into the kitchen and headed straight for the sink. I went out and sat in the backyard and watched a bumble bee hunting for pollen in a 4 foot square of grass. I tried not to “feel” anything. And all the furniture was (is) still stacked in the garage.
..........At the four gray walls that surround me.........Johnny Cash …..Green, Green Grass of Home
^^^ Pulmonology is the study of diseases of the lungs.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kansan Republican Leaders: solving problem which don't exist. --Submitted by cc of ks
Weird Word of the Week: Ninnyhammer: a fool or a simpleton. “You're nowt but a ninnyhammer, Sam Gamgee: that's what the Gaffer said to me often enough, it being a word of his.” --J R R Tolkien, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-nin1.htm
Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie is practicing so he can suck his thumb while riding the subway OR he's singing We Are The Champions on a hand mic
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Wash your mouth. Add one teaspoon of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda to one-half glass warm water, and swish through teeth for a refreshing mouthwash. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html
The Weekend Comes and the Weekend Goes: The plumbers covered the trench with plywood. Actually, they filled most of the trench; first with pipe, then gravel, then dirt they had dug out of it in the first place. Now the trench was only about 2 or 3 inches deep. They covered most of the trench with plywood. It was after 6 pm on Friday and they wanted to go home and I don't blame them. They said they would be back Monday to lay in the cement and carry off the 7 or 8 10 gallon cans of detritus (much of which used to be under my floor) they left in front of the garage door. On Saturday morning – using my book of delights (still coming, I promise) I decided to clean up some of the layer of cement dust that covers/ed every horizontal surface in the house except the bathroom because the door was closed. I decided not to think of it as cleaning up after someone but rather organizing the areas to be cleaned and figuring it all out. It was a puzzle. But, when I discovered that the final flooring people were not coming until Thursday, I abandoned the roll-away bed with no back support for my real bed which was set up in the living room. Also my own, real, wonderful computer found its way to the living room as well.
...........We can never know about the days to come.........Carly Simon …..Anticipation
^^^^ Chest movement during breathing isn’t the result of air movement. When you breathe in, our chest swells; when you breathe out, our chest collapses. But these chest movements are not actually the result of air filling up or exiting the lungs. During inhalation, the diaphragm —a thin sheet of dome-shaped muscle that separates the chest and abdominal cavities — contracts and moves down, increasing the space in the chest cavity. At the same time, the muscles between the ribs contract to pull the rib cage upward and outward. During exhalation, the exact opposite happens.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm just WTF-ing myself through life these days. --Submitted by sb of kc
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: DemiCon 2022: The After (6-8, Des Moines) DMSFFS strives to inspire individuals and communities to READ, IMAGINE AND THINK; creating a better world through education and support of literacy, science and the arts. https://demicon.org/33/
Actual Science Conference of the Week: Young Women's Conference STEM (6, Virtual) ...introduces middle-school and high-school-aged girls to women scientists and engineers and the wide breadth of careers. https://www.pppl.gov/2022-YWC
Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Oink → Pink
The reason I can be light (since actually funny may have eluded me– sorry about that) is because of The Book Of Delights by Ross Gay. One year on his birthday, Ross decided to write an essay every day about something that delights him. The book is some of those essays. You guessed it; they are filled with delight. There are the delightful subjects of the essay, about, for instance, pleasant interactions with strangers. How a teenage girl gave him a high five in a coffee shop for working on his paper. But in the essay is the delight of the coffee he was drinking and delight of the music he was listening to. It made me want to find delight in everything I do. At least, it made me look. It may also have kept me from doing myself harm.
..........I've got more bite than a California zoo.........Avenue Beat …..Delight
^^^^^ Approximately 25 million people in the U.S. have asthma. This equals about 1 in 13 people. About 20 million U.S. adults age 18 and older have asthma. Asthma rates are highest in black adults in the U.S.
Quote of the Week: Part of the delight of my garden is that you just get lost in it before you've even started to do anything. --Ross Gay
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I heard that Ron DeSantis is banning alarm clocks from all Florida hotel rooms so nobody will be woke. --Noel Casler --Submitted by 98%
Today's Peace of History: May 6, 1916: Alexander Berkman and Emma Goldman started the No Conscription League in the U.S. to discourage young men from registering for the draft which had passed Congress the previous month.
Big Fat Delight of the Week: On Wednesday, Jo and I went to see the Immersive van Gogh exhibit in KC. It was amazing. It a half-hour-plus video that is projected onto the entire room – all the walls, the floor (not the ceiling in this venue, but might in other places). It was a few of his 2000 works of art come to life. It moved. It moved by morphing one painting into the next – trees growing up from the floor slowly blocking out the pink swirling clouds. Sometimes every curly edge moved – like an acid trip. Irises painted themselves onto stems and leaves. When the floor became a pattern (I think it might have been the table scarf in Three Sunflowers) the floor moved. I was almost afraid to step (into, through, on top of) it, unsure of its stability. I was wearing a black skirt and the light, the color flowed across it, muted by the lack of color, making my clothes dance. A couple of times the entire room went suddenly bright yellow – like a field of sunflowers popping into existence – I put my hand out so the light fell on it; I enjoyed being “painted” by the master. It was a terrific experience that I am so glad I had. Thank you to Jo. (Here's what I left out: people's reactions, the baby singing to the music, the music, a guy getting his picture taken in front of the yellow building so he looked as if he were on the street in the picture.)
It is an experience that needs processing. (Duh, that's one of the reasons I'm writing this.) So I've told the story several times. Many people offer this comfort: “but once you get through it, it'll be so nice”. It is good to remind oneself of this while going through the what-it-is-that-needs-to-be-gotten-through. We used it a lot when the city tore up Brush Creek – the road onto which we must turn to go absolutely anywhere. And Brush Creek is very nice now, smooth and clean. But one of my meditations is to pay attention – every minute, you know, at least once a day – to the reality in front of me and around me. So I study the patterns of cracks on a cement floor that spent so very long under cover. I notice the looping decorations made from squirting glue onto the cement. I cannot declare it a delight, but it is a look into another piece of my reality, the floor I walk that will soon be undercover again for another 50 years or so. This is what I stand on, literally. Sigh, no matter how deep my thoughts, I still couldn't sleep in that roll-away another night.
..........I ain't buying no more lying 'cause the truth don't cost a thing.........Cast of Sister Act II …..Pay Attention
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 6, 2022, enTrenched ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: He who is created by television can be destroyed by television. --Theodore H White
Cost of War:
As of 4/21/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $177,193,257,927
As of 4/21/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $176,079,080,436
As of 4/21/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,054,022,287,273.
As of 4/21/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,050,910,158,392.
As of 4/21/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,104,175,361,464.
As of 4/21/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,102,965,088,735.
As of 4/21/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,415,020,338.959 .
As of 4/21/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,391,429,504.901 .
As of 4/21/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,959,961,478,752.
As of 4/21/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,957,598,550,913.
As of 4/21/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,710,376,296,587.
As of 4/21/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,678,984,845,810.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay. --Sallust
Famous Last Words: Rosebud.
..........my rig's a little old, but that don't mean she's slow.........Taj Mahal …..Six Day On The Road
So, it's 1 pm on Thursday. This is the time I usually spend trying to edit and spiff up the ePistle for tomorrow's run. I have not had my room for 7 days now. For Puck – who goes in every now and then to see if it's magically back to normal – it would be 49 days. He is tired of sleeping on little fleece blankets stuck here and there on cement floors with no furniture on them. (but he still sleeps – all the time) My bedroom is no longer home to the Wakarusa Trench nor Mount Oread Jr. Now it is covered with a black plastic sheet. Boxes of vinyl plank flooring have been opened. We're in the home stretch, and I am sitting at the dining room table with my keyboard on a tv tray, trying to find at least one last funny thing to say about all this. –It's 8 pm, are you ready for it? The room isn't finished.
...Tune in next week for the continuing saga...
May Peace clear your pipes
And Joy restore your flow
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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