Granite ePistle

 Famous First Words: As I walked through the wilderness of this world... John Bunyan The Pilgrim's Progress

Winter Olympic Curling! How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan? Take away their little brooms. / Curling...It's sweeping the nation.

..........With all your troubles left behind.........Andrew Murdison ….The Curler's Song

“Your thoughts create reality. The most pragmatic way to create world peace is to use your power of visualization. Think Peace, Act Peace, Spread Peace, Imagine Peace. Your thoughts will soon cover the planet. The most important thing is to believe in your power. It works.” -- Yoko Ono

It is a cold Friday (15°F) morning. The world is snow covered and snow decorated. Fence knobs and abandoned potting pots wear caps 4 inches thick of white. Every small flat surface has an inch or three of its very own. Rooftops and lawns covered, but the long, bare limbs of the tree are cleansed from yesterday's winds. It is so cold the world has lost its smell. I return to the kitchen to brew some coffee, the aroma of ambition. This morning the willow branches swing slowly and stop to rest now and again. Where folks have shoveled driveways and sidewalks, the snow is lumpy and disturbed until the middle of the yard where the snow is even and pure and gleams brightly in the rising sun. Puck encounters a snowbank taller than himself and, finally, reluctantly, pees on the scraped patio. It is too cold and too slippery, so I do not go out. Instead, I let Puck in and go back to the kitchen to fix my cup of Vanilla Nut Cream coffee – sweetener and ½ & ½. I stretch my back and roll my neck.''aahhh” and sit down to write to you...

Hope your weekend takes the gold, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm fat but I identify as skinny. I'm trans-slender. --Submitted by bc of tx

The Olympics afford an opportunity for every woman each 4 years to yell “SWEEP HARDER” at grown men. / Is the band Stone Temple Pilots made up of ex-curlers?

..........In the lane snow is glistening.........Dean Martin …..Winter Wonderland

Trivia Questions: Happy National Drink Wine Day !!

^ What is the most widely planted grape in the world?

^^ Which wine was used to toast the signing of both the Declaration of Independence and Washington's inauguration?

^^^ How much wine is in a standard bottle?

^^^^ How many grapes does it take to fill a standard wine bottle?

^^^^^ How much wine do you get per acre of grapes?

Big Hello: Ai – Inuktitut (Canada, Greenland, Alaska, Siberia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Anyone who brings vegetables to my super bowl party will be penalized for “unnecessary roughage”! --Attributed to Lucy VanPelt

Max Picture of the Week: Max hiding from the cold

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 18% of patrons just want you to do it for them. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Curling was invented by bachelors hunting for a way to feel manly while using their housekeeping skills./ Our skip (captain) was late for the competition this morning because she over swept.

..........Now you're gonna find tough sledding.........Ella Fitzgerald …..I'll Be Hard To Handle

Moonbeam: I had a crush on my fourth-grade teacher, but nothing came of it because of the age difference. I was about 15 years older than she was. --Bill Cullen

Meditation of the Week: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Shameless Self Promotion of the Week: Episode 2 of the Humanities Kansas podcast "Kansas 1972" was released earlier this week. This episode features the February Sisters story. It includes an interview with myself (in the house with my 2 children) and Jo Andersen (official babysitter for the February Sisters) https://www.humanitieskansas.org/get-involved/kansas-stories/people/kansas-1972-get-up-stand-up

Puzzle of the Week: What language in seven letters can be spelled on three consecutive keys on a telephone? It's a language you would probably recognize, but not one that many people can speak.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My mind has, apparently, left on vacation without me.

Week of the Week: National Condom Week (14-21) --I Cum in Peace. / Do you ever shake your head at people and wonder: Wow, that's the sperm that won...really?

Little known fact, Jesus was a curler. He always went first because he who is without sin casts the first stone. / The Irish curling team has been known to cast sham rocks.

..........The fire is slowly dying..........Gwen Stefani …..Let It Snow

^ Cabernet Sauvignon is the most cultivated grape with more than 700,000 acres worldwide.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 18, 2022. The moon was full (Snow) last Wednesday and is in Virgo. It is Battery Day (always on Volta's birthday), Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day, Girl Scout Cookie Weekend, International Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, National Drink Wine Day, National Hate Florida Day, No One Eats Alone Day, and Pluto Discovery Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also World Information Architecture Day and National Caregivers Day.

Among those born on this day were Leon Alberti (1404), Bloody Mary Tudor (1516), Giovanni Battista Vitali (1632), Jacques Cassini (1677), Alessandro Giuseppe Antonio Anastasio Volta (1745), Henri Leys (1815), Ramakrishna (1836), George Henschel (1850), Max Klinger (1857), Sholem Aleichem (1859), Adolphe Menjou (1890), Wendell Wilkie (1892), Andre Breton (1896), Bill Cullen (1920), Jack Palance (1920), Helen Gurley Brown (1922), George Kennedy (1925), Toni Morrison (1931), Kim Novak (1933), Yoko Ono (1933), Cybill Shepherd (1949), John Travolta (1954), Matt Dillon (1964), Dr Dre (1965), and Molly Ringwald (1968).

On February eighteenth Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress was published (1678), Quakers conducted the first formal protest of slavery (PA, 1688), Austrian emperor Jozef II banned children under 8 from labor (1787), Ohio Univeristy was chartered (Athens, 1804), the Treaty of Peace with Great Britain was proclaimed (1815), the first US labor newspaper, The Man, began publication (1834), the first continous filibuster began in the senate and lasted until March 11 (1834), the Know Nothing (American Party) abolished secrecy (1856), The Adventures of Hucklberry Finn was published (1885), US postage stamp in coils were issued (1908), Tombaugh discovered Pluto (1930), the Golden Gate International Exposition opened on Treasure Island (1939), Nepal became a constitutional monarchy (1951), Any Wednesday premiered (1964), Gambia gained independence from Britain (1965), the Chicago 7 were found not guilty of inciting riot (1970), and snow fell in the Sahara (1979),

Night Sky, 2/18: On these February evenings Canopus, the second-brightest star after Sirius, lurks either just below or maybe just above your south horizon. In one of the many interesting coincidences that devoted skywatchers know about, Canopus lies almost due south of Sirius, by 36°. When to look? Canopus is due south right when Beta Canis Majoris — Murzim the Announcer, the star about three finger-widths to the right of Sirius — is at its highest due south over your landscape. That's about 8 or 9 p.m. now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. Drop straight down from Murzim then. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, February 19 – Best Friends Day & National Lashes Day & World Whale Day

Sunday, February 20 – Love Your Pet Day & National Comfy Day & World Day for Social Justice

Night Sky, 2/20: Right after night becomes completely dark this week, the W of Cassiopeia shines high in the northwest, standing almost on end. The brightest star between Cassiopeia and the zenith at that time (for the world's mid-northern latitudes) is Alpha Persei or Mirfak, magnitude 1.8. It lies on the lower-right edge of the Alpha Persei Cluster: a large, elongated, very loose swarm of fainter stars about the size of your thumb tip at arm's length. At least a dozen are 6th magnitude or brighter. They show best in binoculars. Alpha Per, a white supergiant, is a true member of the group and its brightest light. It and the rest are about 560 light-years away.

Monday, February 21 – National Grain Free Day & President's Day

Tuesday, February 22 – National Wildlife Day & World Thinking Day

Wednesday, February 23 – Curling is Cool Day & National Dog Biscuit Day & Single Tasking Day

Night Sky, 2/23: Mercury, Venus, and Mars continue to shine in early dawn

Thursday, February 24 – Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day & National Chili Day & International Toast Day

Olympic curling was invented by Mr (the Karate Kid) to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors. / Curlers' favorite musical artist is MC Hammer. (the final rock of an end (one round) is called the hammer)

..........Outside the snow is falling..........The Ronettes …..Sleigh Ride

^^ Madeira, a fortified island wine, was a favorite among the founding fathers likely because it was easier – compared to table wines, to transport across the Atlantic.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Celery: When you have that sudden urge to bite into water with hair in it.

Moonbeam: No matter how bad things get you got to go on living, even if it kills you. --Sholom Aleichem

Strange Fact of the Week: Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently, you can’t do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here...

Video of the Week: A couple of Beatles curling https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/video/george-harrison-and-john-lennon-on-the-curling-rink-news-footage/903077686

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I'm also thinking like what would the methadone be for a chocolate milk, probably, Ovaltine? --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 2/12/22

Set peace in your mind as your highest goal and organize your life around it. --Brian Tracy

I was up at the pond doing some curling when a guy stopped to stare at me. “What's up, Punk”, I asked. “Nothing”, he replied, “I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before.” / How do you break a curling stone? You score it first.

..........You want to go downhill as fast as you can.........Undeclinables …..Snowboard

^^^ The standard wine bottle holds 25 fluid ounces or 750 milliliters. A Nebuchadnezzar, the largest wine bottle, holds 15 liters which is about the same as 20 regular bottles.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Insane. Our parents had to make multiple bad decisions to go bankrupt; we just have to get in an ambulance one time. --first--mate prance

Weird Word of the Week: Ferrule – the small piece of metal that separates the pencil from the eraser.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie almost hiding from the cold

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize a dishwasher. Sprinkle one-half cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on the bottom of the dishwasher between loads.

Enroll your children in curling classes. Then you can tell them that sweeping is practice. / My broom-mate couldn't play today; the scarecrow took all the straw off her broom.

...........You were the player and you played it cool.........Procol Harum …..Skating On Thin Ice

^^^^ It takes about 200 grapes or 2.5 pounds of grapes to fill a regular bottle.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Third Law of Theology: For every theologian there is an equal and opposite theologian.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Life, the Universe, & Everything (LTUE, 17-19, Provo, UT) ,,,academic symposium on all aspects of science fiction and fantasy. https://events.eventzilla.net/e/life-the-universe--everything-symposium-40-2022-2138816445

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I think the reason we are born with 2 hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Urban Designing and Traffic Engineering Conference (17-18, Rome) ...Relational Database from Swiss Nutrition National Survey and Swiss Health Datasets for Data Mining Purposes https://waset.org/scientific-research-and-studies-conference-in-february-2022-in-rome

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: The language is Klingon

A curler's favorite meal is take out. / Curlers only use brooms because vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough. / Why did the curler cross the ice? To get to the other house.

..........So cold up north that the birds can't hardly fly........Muddy Waters …..Cold Weather Blues

^^^^^ An acre, on average produces about 800 gallons of wine.

My Own Writing of the Week: To this day I believe the primary motive for keeping women out of boardrooms and halls of power is to keep from exposing the fact that the men are just children playing at running a world. What did I expect? Perhaps I expected a group of people able and willing to lay down all personal egos and devote all their attention to solving the problems at hand. It's what I want from a doctor performing surgery. It's what I would expect from a scientist trying to get the astronauts home. It's what I thought the political elite of a university would be like.

In fact the overwhelming disappointment of the inner workings of the seats of power is so strong that I do not remember the actual terms that we reached. My despair filled too much of my mind. If there is no reasoning with power, how do we make changes peacefully? The victory that I felt was the knowledge that I had faced power and it wasn't powerful at all. It was scrawny and vulnerable. It was subject to inner forces greater than its individual or collective intellect. To this day, I believe that the only real power is personal character and strength. I have not sought any other kind of power in my life since. I have little respect for people who have power and no respect for people who seek it..

Quote of the Week: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders they have managed to invent boredom? --Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Been feeling a little moody and run down recently so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It's kids. I have kids.. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, February 18, 1961: In London, Sir Bertrand Russell, 88, led a march of 20,000 and sit-down of 5,000 in an anti-nuke rally outside the U.K. Defense Ministry, and was jailed for seven days. It was the first public demonstration organized by the Committee of 100, the direct action wing of the Committee for Nuclear Disarmament.

Our skip never introduces himself to the other team before the game. She doesn't want to break the ice. / The doctor said I should get more exercise. Is there Wii curling?

..........a hard wind at my back.........Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers …..Out In The Cold

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle February 18, 2022, The Granite ePistle, Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Rain water never stands on high ground, but runs down to the lowest level. So also the mercy of God remains in the hearts of the lowly but drains off from those of the vain and the proud. --Ramakrishna

Cost of War:

As of 2/17/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $171,095,508,907.

As of 2/10/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $170,545,471,024.

As of 2/17/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,036,990,824,630.

As of 2/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,035,454,707,247.

As of 2/17/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,097,552,234,000.

As of 2/10/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,096,954,668,358.

As of 12/17/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,285,917,415,035 .

As of 12/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,274,274,510,070 .

As of 2/17/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,947,030,224,054.

As of 2/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,945,854,077,972.

As of 2/17/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,538,589,500,929.

As of 2/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,523,098,138,775.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“Give peace a chance and let's hope that one day we will all live in peace.” -- Yoko Ono

Famous Last Words: I been there before. --Huckleberry Finn from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)

..........And we'll keep fighting to the end.........Queen …..We Are The Champions

The skip of our team has terrible insomnia. He's often sweepless. / Yes, they actually call it a sport.

May Peace bear your burdens

And Joy lighten your load

prairie mama

christine

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