Levied ePistle

 Famous First Words: An act respecting quarantines and health laws ...1799

Happy Birthday, Income Tax! Homeless accountants live in tax shelters. / Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society.”—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. ~~I'm not sure our society is civilized anymore, can we get refunds?

..........Whisper words of wisdom.........Beatles with George Harrison …..Let It Be

The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for war the finest human qualities. --John Foster Dulles

It is a cold (6°F) Friday morning. The sun is still rising and illuminates only roofs and bare tree tops. Snow still coats lawns but the streets are clear and dry. There is a light wind, coming mostly in gusts, but I remain inside and do not test the weather bureau's estimate of a minus 5 wind chill. Puck is back from his brief morning outing and sleeps under my feet as I type. I take another swig of vanilla-nut-cream decaf – sweetened and creamed and wrap my in a blanket (it's very green and cheery). Birds are out; I can hear them chirping through the window – starting their day with a song. I do not know how they manage to not sound cold. But I do not care how cold it is because I get to sit in this warm room and write to you.

Hope your weekend pushes all your buttons, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teens don't know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us. -Submitted by sb of kc

You know your CPA is good when she has a tax loophole named after her. / I’m proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. — Arthur Godfrey

..........Don't want slow walking or sad singin'..........Faron Young …..Live Fast, Love Hard, Die Young

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Your Show Of Shows

^ Who were the stars of Your Show of Shows?

^^ Several writers on YSOS were famous for other scripts. How many can you name?

^^^ How long did YSOS last?

^^^^ What network aired Your Show of Shows?

^^^^^ How does Your Show of Shows compare to television comedies in general?

Big Hello: Haluu – Iňupiaq (Alaska) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking. --Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Max learning all about the train

Shameless Self Promotion of the Week: The February Sisters were on the front page of the Lawrence Journal World last Sunday (2/20) https://www2.ljworld.com/news/general-news/2022/feb/19/they-took-a-dramatic-stand-for-gender-equality-in-1972-half-a-century-later-the-february-sisters-legacy-remains-strong/

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 47% of a librarian's family and friends are really tired of all the book related puns. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Accountants are always tired because their job is so taxing. / I'm not going to pay taxes. When they say I'm going to prison, I'll say “No”, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we'll call it even.' --Jimmy Kimmel

..........Got to be a joker he just do what he please.........The Beatles with George Harrison …..Come Together

Moonbeam: Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. --Adelle Davis

Meditation of the Week: George Orwell predicted cameras watching us in our homes, but he didn't predict that we would buy and install them ourselves.

Puzzle of the Week: Think of a common boy's name and a common girl's name that are pronounced the same even though they have only two letters in common. And if you reverse the boy's name, phonetically you'll get another common girl's name. What names are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When you said “friends with benefits” I assumed you owned a bookstore/ --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Week of the Week: National Engineering Week (20-16) – An engineer solves problems you didn't know you had with solutions you don't understand. / The difference between civil and mechanical engineering is that mechanical engineers design weapons and civil engineers design targets.

Taxes like golf require: you work hard on the green but end up in the hole. / Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. —Herman Wouk

..........The dream that I shattered is falling on me.........Faron Young …..This Time The Hurtin' On Me

^ Sid Caesar and Imogene Coca were the headliners for the show. But Felisa Vanoff, Carl Reiner, and Howard Morris were also featured.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 25, 2022. The moon was in the third quarter last Wednesday and is in Capricorn. It is Rubber Ducky Day. Because it is the fourth Friday it is also Skip the Straw Day.

Among those born on this day were Carol Goldoni (1707), Jose Francisco de San Martin (1778), Otto Liebmann (1840), Pierre Auguste Renoir (1841), John Watson (1847), John Foster Dulles (1888), Ernst Friedrich (1894), Herbert Zeppo Marx (1901), Adelle Davis (1904), Mary Coyle Chase (1907), Jim Backus (1913), Anthony Burgess (1917), Bobby Riggs (1918), Tommy Newsom (1929), Faron Young (1932), Diane Baker (1938), George Harrison (1943), Rick Flair (1950), Carrot Top (Scott Thompson, 1965), Tea Leoni (1966), and Sean Astin (1971).

On February twenty fifth the first US bank was chartered (1791), the first cabinet meeting was held at the home of George Washington (1793), Congress passed the Act Respecting Quarantines (1977), Colt patented the first revolving barrel multishot firearm (1836), Davenport patented the first electric printing press (1837), State University of Iowa was chartered (1847), the US Steel Corporation was organized (1901), Riders to the Sea opened (1904), the first railway tunnel under the Hudson River opened (1908), the Dali Lama fled from Chinese troops (1910), the 16th Amendment was ratified (Income tax, 1913), Oregon became the first state to tax gasoline (1919), Franco became General of Spain (1926), Hilter obtained German citizenship (1932), Your Show of Shows premiered (1950), Nasser was appointed premier of Egypt (1954), Toys in the Attic premiered (1960), the Beatles released their first US single (Please, Please Me, 1963), Cassius Clay TKOed Sonny Liston (1964), and The Lawrence Welk Show aired its final episode (1982).

Night Sky, 2/25: After dinner time at this time of year, five carnivore constellations are rising upright in a ragged row from the northeast to south. They're all presented in profile with their noses pointed up and their feet (if any) to the right. They are Ursa Major the Big Bear in the northeast (with the Big Dipper as its brightest part), Leo the Lion in the east, Hydra the Sea Serpent slithering up the southeast, Canis Minor the Little Dog higher in the south-southeast, and bright Canis Major the Big Dog in the south. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: 2022 Olympic Half-Pipe

This Week: Saturday, February 26 – Carpe Diem Day & National Customized Wheel & Tire Day & Open That Bottle Night

Sunday, February 27 – Shrovetide & International Polar Bear Day & Academy Awards Day

Night Sky, 2/27: This is a fine week to look for the zodiacal light if you live in the mid-northern latitudes, now that the evening sky is moonless and the ecliptic is tilting high upward from the western horizon at nightfall. From a clear, clean, dark site, look west at the very end of twilight for a vague but huge, tall pyramid of pearly light. It's rather narrow, tilted to the left, and aligned along the constellations of the zodiac. What you're seeing is sunlit interplanetary dust orbiting the Sun near the ecliptic plane.

Monday, February 28 – National Cupcake Day in Canada & National Tooth Fairy Day & Shrove Monday

I tried paying my taxes with a smile, but the government demanded cash. / The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.” —John Maynard Keynes

..........It's a love that has no past.........The Beatles with George Harrison …..Don't Let Me Down

^^ Your Show of Shows Writers: Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles), Larry Gelbart (Tootsie), Neil Simon (The Odd Couple), Lucille Kallen, Mel Tolkin (All in the Family). Selma Diamond (It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World), Joseph Stein (Fiddler on the Roof), Michael Stewart (Hello Dolly), Tony Webster (the only gentile among the writers, Herbie Fully Loaded). Carl Reiner also worked with the writers though he was a cast member.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men for the nastiest of motives will somehow work for the benefit of all. --John Maynard Keynes

Moonbeam: To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party. --Adelle Davis

Strange Fact of the Week: My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Video of the Week: George Harrison and the other Traveling Wilburys: End of the Line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMVjToYOjbM

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Yes, Avocado Inspector is a real job and not just something I say before I stealing guacamole from a stranger's plate. "It's alright, I'm an avocado inspector." ... If they smuggle avocado's inside kilos of coke... --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 2/19/22

Peace, no less than war, requires idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith. --John Foster Dulles

Greta Goose got a big refund because her bill was tax de-duck-table. / Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. —H.L. Mencken

..........Just woke up the wanting in me.........Faron Young …..It's 4 O'clock In The Morning

^^^ Your Show of Shows began 2/25/50 and ran until 6/5/54. That's 139 episodes. After the show closed Sid Caesar did a show called “Caesar's Hour” from 9/27/54-5/25/57. It featured many of the same writers as YSOS but Imogene Coca was not part of the cast.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tradition: Peer pressure from dead people. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Gifable – GIF (Graphics Interchange Format) – can be animated. https://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-gif1.htm

Name That Poet of the Week: Announced by all the trumpets of the sky,
Arrives the snow, and, driving o’er the fields,
Seems nowhere to alight: the whited air
Hides hills and woods, the river and the heaven,
And veils the farm-house at the garden’s end.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie being wary of a bite offered by his brother.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Boost the strength of dish washing liquid. Add two full tablespoons of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda to the usual amount of detergent you use. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

There are hefty taxes on trash bags and no one is glad about it. / Tax Day is the day that truckers send their money to Washington, D.C. and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands. --Jimmy Kimmel

...........Little Darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter.........The Beatles with George Harrison …..Here Comes The Sun

^^^^ YSOS aired on NBC on Saturday nights.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Everything is connected, mostly by stupidity. --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MystiCon (25-27, Roanoke, VA) --literature, arts, imaginations and camaraderie https://horrorcons.com/event/18284/mysticon-2022

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I only drink water that has been through a brewery first.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Applied Physics and Mathematics (25^th, Nashville, TN) ...sponsored by International Institute of Engineers and Researchers https://conferencealert.com/conf-detail.php?ev_id=894374

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Aaron, Erin, Nora

The IRS audited Joel Olsteen because his church reported false prophets. / Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income. —Alfred E. Neuman

..........But wait until the word gets out.........Faron Young …..Country Girl

^^^^^ YSOS ranks #37 on TV Guide's 60 best series. It was ranked #10 on Entertainment Weekly's 100 Greatest show of all time. And #41 on Writers Guild's Best Written tv series of all time.

My Own Writing of the Week: As one stands at the top of Mt. Oread looking eastward, the hill falls away and the valley is exposed for miles in the distance. In the morning there is often fog among the trees and the valley seems very peaceful and fertile. Even in its winter coat, the shadows and snow make an impressive morning sight. I often stopped on my way to work and meditated on this scene. That Saturday morning, light was just beginning to break over the valley as we walked down Louisiana Street to the Eastern Civilizations Program building. The landscape was still hidden in the night.

In the small front yard of the building there were women gathered. I don't know how many, fifty or more. One of my clear images is all those women in that yard in the cold morning darkness just paler than pitch. They had kept vigil all night at the women's center or had been awakened with a phone call to come greet a new dawn. These were the women who had drafted literature, driven cars, gathered food, and now saw their breath steam up the air. They stood with their faces to the front door. Huddled together for warmth, they were filled with joy and anticipation. A murmur of many soft voices scattered through the crowd. --from An Act Surprising: A Memoir of the February Sister.

Quote of the Week: Any book worth banning is a book worth reading. --Isaac Asimov

Poet of the Week: John Greenleaf Whittier Snow-Bound: A Winter Idyl https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45490/snow-bound-a-winter-idyl

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “I'm getting old” starter pack: They're remaking that movie already????

Today's Peace of History, February 25, 1941: A general strike was called in Amsterdam to protest Nazi persecution of Jews under the German Nazi occupation. The previous weekend 425 Jewish men and boys had been imprisoned (only two survived the war). Truck drivers, dock and metal workers, civil servants and factory employees — Christians, Liberals, Social Democrats, and Communists — answered the call and brought the city to a standstill.

Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing. / Tax reform is when you take the taxes off things that have been taxed already and put taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before. --Art Buchwald

..........Hari krishna, krishna, krishna.........George Harrison …..My Sweet Lord

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle February 25, 2022, Levied ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If this country is to survive, the best-fed-nation myth had better be recognized for what it is: propaganda designed to produce wealth not health. --Adelle Davis

Cost of War:

As of 2/24/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $171,653,713,579.

As of 2/17/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $171,095,508,907.

As of 2/24/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,038,549,062,722.

As of 2/17/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,036,990,824,630.

As of 2/24/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,098,158,272,185.

As of 2/17/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,097,552,234,000.

As of 12/24/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,297,729,394,424 .

As of 12/17/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,285,917,415,035 .

As of 2/24/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,948,213,823,571.

As of 2/17/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,947,030,224,054.

As of 2/24/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,554,313,941,771.

As of 2/17/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,538,589,500,929.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

A peaceful world is a world in which differences are tolerated, and are not eliminated by violence. --John Foster Dulles

Famous Last Words: And we must be satisfied. --Maurya Riders To The Sea by Synge

..........Well, I see you're still here.........Faron Young …..Hello Walls

People who cheat on their taxes disgust me and my 27 dependents. / Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes, that's a red flag. --Jay Leno

May Peace hold your hand

And Joy hug your shoulders

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Granite ePistle

 Famous First Words: As I walked through the wilderness of this world... John Bunyan The Pilgrim's Progress

Winter Olympic Curling! How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan? Take away their little brooms. / Curling...It's sweeping the nation.

..........With all your troubles left behind.........Andrew Murdison ….The Curler's Song

“Your thoughts create reality. The most pragmatic way to create world peace is to use your power of visualization. Think Peace, Act Peace, Spread Peace, Imagine Peace. Your thoughts will soon cover the planet. The most important thing is to believe in your power. It works.” -- Yoko Ono

It is a cold Friday (15°F) morning. The world is snow covered and snow decorated. Fence knobs and abandoned potting pots wear caps 4 inches thick of white. Every small flat surface has an inch or three of its very own. Rooftops and lawns covered, but the long, bare limbs of the tree are cleansed from yesterday's winds. It is so cold the world has lost its smell. I return to the kitchen to brew some coffee, the aroma of ambition. This morning the willow branches swing slowly and stop to rest now and again. Where folks have shoveled driveways and sidewalks, the snow is lumpy and disturbed until the middle of the yard where the snow is even and pure and gleams brightly in the rising sun. Puck encounters a snowbank taller than himself and, finally, reluctantly, pees on the scraped patio. It is too cold and too slippery, so I do not go out. Instead, I let Puck in and go back to the kitchen to fix my cup of Vanilla Nut Cream coffee – sweetener and ½ & ½. I stretch my back and roll my neck.''aahhh” and sit down to write to you...

Hope your weekend takes the gold, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm fat but I identify as skinny. I'm trans-slender. --Submitted by bc of tx

The Olympics afford an opportunity for every woman each 4 years to yell “SWEEP HARDER” at grown men. / Is the band Stone Temple Pilots made up of ex-curlers?

..........In the lane snow is glistening.........Dean Martin …..Winter Wonderland

Trivia Questions: Happy National Drink Wine Day !!

^ What is the most widely planted grape in the world?

^^ Which wine was used to toast the signing of both the Declaration of Independence and Washington's inauguration?

^^^ How much wine is in a standard bottle?

^^^^ How many grapes does it take to fill a standard wine bottle?

^^^^^ How much wine do you get per acre of grapes?

Big Hello: Ai – Inuktitut (Canada, Greenland, Alaska, Siberia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Anyone who brings vegetables to my super bowl party will be penalized for “unnecessary roughage”! --Attributed to Lucy VanPelt

Max Picture of the Week: Max hiding from the cold

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 18% of patrons just want you to do it for them. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Curling was invented by bachelors hunting for a way to feel manly while using their housekeeping skills./ Our skip (captain) was late for the competition this morning because she over swept.

..........Now you're gonna find tough sledding.........Ella Fitzgerald …..I'll Be Hard To Handle

Moonbeam: I had a crush on my fourth-grade teacher, but nothing came of it because of the age difference. I was about 15 years older than she was. --Bill Cullen

Meditation of the Week: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Shameless Self Promotion of the Week: Episode 2 of the Humanities Kansas podcast "Kansas 1972" was released earlier this week. This episode features the February Sisters story. It includes an interview with myself (in the house with my 2 children) and Jo Andersen (official babysitter for the February Sisters) https://www.humanitieskansas.org/get-involved/kansas-stories/people/kansas-1972-get-up-stand-up

Puzzle of the Week: What language in seven letters can be spelled on three consecutive keys on a telephone? It's a language you would probably recognize, but not one that many people can speak.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My mind has, apparently, left on vacation without me.

Week of the Week: National Condom Week (14-21) --I Cum in Peace. / Do you ever shake your head at people and wonder: Wow, that's the sperm that won...really?

Little known fact, Jesus was a curler. He always went first because he who is without sin casts the first stone. / The Irish curling team has been known to cast sham rocks.

..........The fire is slowly dying..........Gwen Stefani …..Let It Snow

^ Cabernet Sauvignon is the most cultivated grape with more than 700,000 acres worldwide.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 18, 2022. The moon was full (Snow) last Wednesday and is in Virgo. It is Battery Day (always on Volta's birthday), Cow Milked While Flying In An Airplane Day, Girl Scout Cookie Weekend, International Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, National Drink Wine Day, National Hate Florida Day, No One Eats Alone Day, and Pluto Discovery Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also World Information Architecture Day and National Caregivers Day.

Among those born on this day were Leon Alberti (1404), Bloody Mary Tudor (1516), Giovanni Battista Vitali (1632), Jacques Cassini (1677), Alessandro Giuseppe Antonio Anastasio Volta (1745), Henri Leys (1815), Ramakrishna (1836), George Henschel (1850), Max Klinger (1857), Sholem Aleichem (1859), Adolphe Menjou (1890), Wendell Wilkie (1892), Andre Breton (1896), Bill Cullen (1920), Jack Palance (1920), Helen Gurley Brown (1922), George Kennedy (1925), Toni Morrison (1931), Kim Novak (1933), Yoko Ono (1933), Cybill Shepherd (1949), John Travolta (1954), Matt Dillon (1964), Dr Dre (1965), and Molly Ringwald (1968).

On February eighteenth Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress was published (1678), Quakers conducted the first formal protest of slavery (PA, 1688), Austrian emperor Jozef II banned children under 8 from labor (1787), Ohio Univeristy was chartered (Athens, 1804), the Treaty of Peace with Great Britain was proclaimed (1815), the first US labor newspaper, The Man, began publication (1834), the first continous filibuster began in the senate and lasted until March 11 (1834), the Know Nothing (American Party) abolished secrecy (1856), The Adventures of Hucklberry Finn was published (1885), US postage stamp in coils were issued (1908), Tombaugh discovered Pluto (1930), the Golden Gate International Exposition opened on Treasure Island (1939), Nepal became a constitutional monarchy (1951), Any Wednesday premiered (1964), Gambia gained independence from Britain (1965), the Chicago 7 were found not guilty of inciting riot (1970), and snow fell in the Sahara (1979),

Night Sky, 2/18: On these February evenings Canopus, the second-brightest star after Sirius, lurks either just below or maybe just above your south horizon. In one of the many interesting coincidences that devoted skywatchers know about, Canopus lies almost due south of Sirius, by 36°. When to look? Canopus is due south right when Beta Canis Majoris — Murzim the Announcer, the star about three finger-widths to the right of Sirius — is at its highest due south over your landscape. That's about 8 or 9 p.m. now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. Drop straight down from Murzim then. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, February 19 – Best Friends Day & National Lashes Day & World Whale Day

Sunday, February 20 – Love Your Pet Day & National Comfy Day & World Day for Social Justice

Night Sky, 2/20: Right after night becomes completely dark this week, the W of Cassiopeia shines high in the northwest, standing almost on end. The brightest star between Cassiopeia and the zenith at that time (for the world's mid-northern latitudes) is Alpha Persei or Mirfak, magnitude 1.8. It lies on the lower-right edge of the Alpha Persei Cluster: a large, elongated, very loose swarm of fainter stars about the size of your thumb tip at arm's length. At least a dozen are 6th magnitude or brighter. They show best in binoculars. Alpha Per, a white supergiant, is a true member of the group and its brightest light. It and the rest are about 560 light-years away.

Monday, February 21 – National Grain Free Day & President's Day

Tuesday, February 22 – National Wildlife Day & World Thinking Day

Wednesday, February 23 – Curling is Cool Day & National Dog Biscuit Day & Single Tasking Day

Night Sky, 2/23: Mercury, Venus, and Mars continue to shine in early dawn

Thursday, February 24 – Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day & National Chili Day & International Toast Day

Olympic curling was invented by Mr (the Karate Kid) to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors. / Curlers' favorite musical artist is MC Hammer. (the final rock of an end (one round) is called the hammer)

..........Outside the snow is falling..........The Ronettes …..Sleigh Ride

^^ Madeira, a fortified island wine, was a favorite among the founding fathers likely because it was easier – compared to table wines, to transport across the Atlantic.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Celery: When you have that sudden urge to bite into water with hair in it.

Moonbeam: No matter how bad things get you got to go on living, even if it kills you. --Sholom Aleichem

Strange Fact of the Week: Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently, you can’t do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here...

Video of the Week: A couple of Beatles curling https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/video/george-harrison-and-john-lennon-on-the-curling-rink-news-footage/903077686

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I'm also thinking like what would the methadone be for a chocolate milk, probably, Ovaltine? --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 2/12/22

Set peace in your mind as your highest goal and organize your life around it. --Brian Tracy

I was up at the pond doing some curling when a guy stopped to stare at me. “What's up, Punk”, I asked. “Nothing”, he replied, “I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before.” / How do you break a curling stone? You score it first.

..........You want to go downhill as fast as you can.........Undeclinables …..Snowboard

^^^ The standard wine bottle holds 25 fluid ounces or 750 milliliters. A Nebuchadnezzar, the largest wine bottle, holds 15 liters which is about the same as 20 regular bottles.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Insane. Our parents had to make multiple bad decisions to go bankrupt; we just have to get in an ambulance one time. --first--mate prance

Weird Word of the Week: Ferrule – the small piece of metal that separates the pencil from the eraser.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie almost hiding from the cold

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize a dishwasher. Sprinkle one-half cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on the bottom of the dishwasher between loads.

Enroll your children in curling classes. Then you can tell them that sweeping is practice. / My broom-mate couldn't play today; the scarecrow took all the straw off her broom.

...........You were the player and you played it cool.........Procol Harum …..Skating On Thin Ice

^^^^ It takes about 200 grapes or 2.5 pounds of grapes to fill a regular bottle.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Third Law of Theology: For every theologian there is an equal and opposite theologian.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Life, the Universe, & Everything (LTUE, 17-19, Provo, UT) ,,,academic symposium on all aspects of science fiction and fantasy. https://events.eventzilla.net/e/life-the-universe--everything-symposium-40-2022-2138816445

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I think the reason we are born with 2 hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Urban Designing and Traffic Engineering Conference (17-18, Rome) ...Relational Database from Swiss Nutrition National Survey and Swiss Health Datasets for Data Mining Purposes https://waset.org/scientific-research-and-studies-conference-in-february-2022-in-rome

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: The language is Klingon

A curler's favorite meal is take out. / Curlers only use brooms because vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough. / Why did the curler cross the ice? To get to the other house.

..........So cold up north that the birds can't hardly fly........Muddy Waters …..Cold Weather Blues

^^^^^ An acre, on average produces about 800 gallons of wine.

My Own Writing of the Week: To this day I believe the primary motive for keeping women out of boardrooms and halls of power is to keep from exposing the fact that the men are just children playing at running a world. What did I expect? Perhaps I expected a group of people able and willing to lay down all personal egos and devote all their attention to solving the problems at hand. It's what I want from a doctor performing surgery. It's what I would expect from a scientist trying to get the astronauts home. It's what I thought the political elite of a university would be like.

In fact the overwhelming disappointment of the inner workings of the seats of power is so strong that I do not remember the actual terms that we reached. My despair filled too much of my mind. If there is no reasoning with power, how do we make changes peacefully? The victory that I felt was the knowledge that I had faced power and it wasn't powerful at all. It was scrawny and vulnerable. It was subject to inner forces greater than its individual or collective intellect. To this day, I believe that the only real power is personal character and strength. I have not sought any other kind of power in my life since. I have little respect for people who have power and no respect for people who seek it..

Quote of the Week: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders they have managed to invent boredom? --Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Been feeling a little moody and run down recently so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It's kids. I have kids.. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, February 18, 1961: In London, Sir Bertrand Russell, 88, led a march of 20,000 and sit-down of 5,000 in an anti-nuke rally outside the U.K. Defense Ministry, and was jailed for seven days. It was the first public demonstration organized by the Committee of 100, the direct action wing of the Committee for Nuclear Disarmament.

Our skip never introduces himself to the other team before the game. She doesn't want to break the ice. / The doctor said I should get more exercise. Is there Wii curling?

..........a hard wind at my back.........Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers …..Out In The Cold

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle February 18, 2022, The Granite ePistle, Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Rain water never stands on high ground, but runs down to the lowest level. So also the mercy of God remains in the hearts of the lowly but drains off from those of the vain and the proud. --Ramakrishna

Cost of War:

As of 2/17/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $171,095,508,907.

As of 2/10/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $170,545,471,024.

As of 2/17/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,036,990,824,630.

As of 2/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,035,454,707,247.

As of 2/17/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,097,552,234,000.

As of 2/10/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,096,954,668,358.

As of 12/17/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,285,917,415,035 .

As of 12/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,274,274,510,070 .

As of 2/17/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,947,030,224,054.

As of 2/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,945,854,077,972.

As of 2/17/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,538,589,500,929.

As of 2/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,523,098,138,775.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“Give peace a chance and let's hope that one day we will all live in peace.” -- Yoko Ono

Famous Last Words: I been there before. --Huckleberry Finn from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)

..........And we'll keep fighting to the end.........Queen …..We Are The Champions

The skip of our team has terrible insomnia. He's often sweepless. / Yes, they actually call it a sport.

May Peace bear your burdens

And Joy lighten your load

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Medicinal ePistle

 Famous First Words: The Mirth of a Nation --Archie Comic #1.

It is World Day of the Sick. How appropriate, I've been sick and now I get to make jokes about it. Ain't life grand? / I have come to realize over the last week that my favorite drink is the 2015 vintage of NyQuil. / My sick bird is getting tweetment.

..........Music is the doctor of my soul.........The Doobie Brothers …..The Doctor

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. --Martin Luther King Jr.

It is a warmish (45°F) Friday morning. To the east the sky is spackled with clouds in streaks and bunches that are glowing white on top and grayish on the bottom. The clouds float lazily towards the east. To the west the sky is eclipsed by a layer of thick dark fluff that looks angry and refuses to let us see the tops. A light breeze cools the cheeks and elicits crackly noises from the dry leaves and golden winter plants. A variety of birdsong fills the air and the birds sit at various heights in the bare trees and sing to us as we walk under them. We walk to the end of the cul-de-sac and back; Puck barks at the neighbors getting into their car and the crow who swoops in front of us; and finally he barks at hoodoos in the park. So we return to a house smelling of caramel coffee. Puck drinks his cream and goes to sleep. A cat comes to the top of the stairs and demands to know why his personal chef is still in bed. I have no answer so I remain silent and fix my first cup of coffee, rich and creamy on the tongue, steamy and warm on the nostrils. So far – pretty good day. Best of all, now I get to write to you.

Hope the weekend sees you healthy and happy, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just paid my power bill. Now I have a warm place to starve in.

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row and now I feel a little sick. Must be the high Mercury content. / When ships get sick it goes to the dock.

..........And face the ignominy that old age brings.........Billy Bragg …..A Nurse's Life Is Full of Woe

Trivia Questions: This is the weekend of the big Pirate Festival in Florida.

^ According to history, how long have pirates been around?

^^ Why do so many pirates wear eye patches?

^^^ What do you know about the two versions of the Jolly Roger flag?

^^^^ What does the US Constitution say about piracy?

^^^^^ True or false: Pirates ran their ships according to a democratic system?

Big Hello: Apa kabar? – Indonesian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you. --Submitted by flha

Max Picture of the Week: Max and his tiny flight of tiny dragons

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Injuries caused by reading books: *33% paper cuts *40% toe injuries from dropping books *20% injuries from hitting books in anger after terrible plot twist *0% free thinking https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me sick. / Being sick is like taking a day off but in a dead person's body.

..........My face is my fortune, that's why I'm totally broke.........Cole Porter …..I've Still Got My Health

Moonbeam: Good taste is death. --Mary Quant

Puzzle of the Week: Think of a familiar two-word (4,3) phrase meaning "to fight." Change the third letter of each word to get two new words that are opposites of each other. --NPR Puzzle Sunday 2/6/22

Meditation of the Week: If animals could talk, which one of your pets would be the rudest?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do you mean, you forget where you parked? You're shopping online. --CB --Submitted by ss of kc

Week of the Week: Dump Your Significant Jerk Week (6-13) ~~Always the week before Valentine's Day --Break Up Lines: I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level. / If you take the L out of the word lover, it's over. / I think we need to become better strangers.

A family gathers around their father who is very old and very sick. He says, “Daughter are you here? Son? Where's my brothers? Is everyone here with me now?” The daughter replied, “Yes, dad, we're all here. Your entire family is in this room.” The dad says, “Then why is the hallway light on?” / I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.

..........You don't have to take no pills.........Fleetwood Mac …..Doctor Brown

^ Pirates have been around for more than 4,000 years. Piracy has most likely existed for as long as ocean commerce has existed. Some of the earliest recorded instances of piracy came from the Mediterranean in the 14th century BC. Vikings are also considered pirates who specifically set out to loot and raid cities and villages along rivers and coasts in medieval Europe. Piracy is still in operation today, most notably off the coast of Somalia.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 11, 2011. The moon was in the first quarter last Tuesday and is in Cancer. It is Be Electrific Day, Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day, International Day of Women and Girls in Science, Get Out Your Guitar Day, Pro Sports Wives Day, National Inventors Day, National Shut-in Visitation Day, Satisfied Staying Single Day, White Shirt Day or White T-shirt Day, and World Day of The Sick. In Cameroon it is Youth Day and in Florida the Gasparilla Carnival-remembrance of pirates begins. Ft Myers FL celebrates the Pageant of Light (1884) and Mauritius celebrates Chinese Spring Festival. Because it is the second Friday it is also No One Eats Alone Day,

Among those born on this day were Auguste Mariette (1821), Josh White (1908), Max Baer (1909), Sidney Sheldon (1917), Daniel F Galouye (1920), Eva Gabor (1921), Leslie Nielsen (1922), Virginia Johnson (1925), Mary Quant (1934), Burt Reynolds (1936), Bobby Picket (1940), Sergio Mendes (1941), and Jacque Vaughn (1975), ~~I hunted for some Jacque Vaughn poetry but couldn't find any extant.

On February eleventh Henry VIII was made supreme head of the Church of England (1531), the first hospital in the US opened (Pennsylvania, 1752), the Society of Friends petitioned Congress to abolish slavery (1790), Fulton patented the steamboat (1809), the first 'gerrymander" was executed in Massachusetts (1812), London University was founded (1826), the American Physiological Society was organized (1837), Bernadette encountered Mary at Lourdes (1858), Emma Goldman was arrested for lecturing on birth control (1916), US troops pulled out of Honduras (1922), O'Neill's Dynamo premiered (1929), a 44 day strike at General Motors ended (Flint, 1937), Archie comic books debuted (1942). the NHL Players Associated formed (1957), the CIA developed a domestic operations division (1963). Margaret Thatcher defeated Edward Heath (1975), and Nelson Mandela was freed (1990).

Night Sky, 2/11: The Moon shines close to the top-to-bottom midline of the Winter Hexagon: the line from Capella to Sirius. The sky's biggest asterism is the Winter Hexagon. It fills the sky toward the east and south these evenings. Start with brilliant Sirius at its bottom. Going clockwise from there, march up through Procyon, Pollux and Castor, then Menkalinan and Capella high overhead, down to Aldebaran, then to Rigel in Orion's foot, and back to Sirius. Betelgeuse shines inside the Hexagon, off center. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Bing Dwen Dwen – the Official Beijing 2022 Olympic Mascot Panda

This Week: Saturday, February 12 – Darwin Day & Global Movie Day & NAACP Day

Sunday, February 13 – Autism Sunday & Galentine's Day & Popcorn Day

Night Sky, 2/13: By 9 pm or so, the Big Dipper stands on its handle in the northeast. In the northwest, Cassiopeia also stands on end (its brighter end) at about the same height. Between them is Polaris.

Monday, February 14 – League of Women Voters Day & Library Lovers Day & Quirkyalone Day

Tuesday, February 15 – National Hippo Day & Lupercalia & Susan B Anthony Day

Wednesday, February 16 – Kyoto Protocol Day & National Almond Day

Night Sky, 1/16: Mercury, Venus, and Mars shine in early dawn. They're low in the southeast, forming a triangle that very gradually changes shape this week.

Thursday, February 17 – My Way Day & Random Acts of Kindness Day & World Human Spirit Day

You can tell when a bucket is sick because it gets a little pail. / My poor goldfish is feeling a little eel.

..........So you know there will be treatment.........Counting Crows …..Hospital

^^ Of several eye patch theories the most likely cause is Sun blindness. A navigational instrument known as the Sextant became common in the 16th century and is used to find a measurement of latitude. This is done by lining up a celestial body such as the moon, a star, or the sun with the horizon and taking a distance measurement. Long term viewing of the sun can cause two conditions, Photokeratitis and Cataracts.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The pandemic is getting to me. I need some change of routine. Tomorrow I will scramble my eggs on the back left burner instead of the front right one.

Moonbeam: I admire people who are, by nature, kind and fair to others. --Sidney Sheldon

Strange Fact of the Week: I don't intend to stop wearing a mask just because the pandemic is under control. I haven't worn my dentures for 2 years now.

Video of the Week: Donna Summer singing Hot Stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg6Y_1_DJyI

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Pig or Human Heart Transplant: Cocaine was part of a cocktail of drugs that kept the genetically modified heart alive during transport. The heart arrived over a very long distance intact and asking for more cocaine. This also explains why the transplanted heart beats exactly to the rhythms of Donna Summers songs. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/5/22

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. --Frederick Douglass

If you get sick at the airport, everyone assumes it's a terminal illness. / You know, I'm usually a pretty tough broad, but when it comes to being sick, I can sometimes whine like a man.

..........Hold you in his armchair, you can feel his disease.........Beatles …..Come Together

^^^ The red Jolly Roger was the most dangerous flag. The red and black Jolly Roger flags had different meanings. The black flag with a white skull and crossbones was the most notable, but a red Jolly Roger reportedly meant “no quarter” and the pirate crew was ready to take a ship without mercy.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Canadian women's hockey team thrashed Russia 6-1, while wearing masks the entire game. I wish the Canadian truckers were half as tough as their women. --

Weird Word of the Week: fatootsed – vexed, exasperated https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-fat1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie enjoying the snow

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a refrigerator. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub, and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

When my cousin finished medical school she got a job at the Madrid Hilton Hotel. I didn't know hotel's had house doctors. No one ever expects the Spanish inn physician. / Being sick is just your body's way of saying you're way too awesome, and you need to slow down, so everyone else can catch up.

...........Fever all through the night.........Peggy Lee …..Fever

^^^^ The US Constitution authorized a form of piracy. Article I, Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution gives Congress the power to issue letters of marque and reprisal**. However, the same section also gives Congress the power to define and punish piracy and other crimes committed at sea. Then, after the Civil War, The U.S. began following the terms of the 1865 Paris Declaration that abolished privateering. **Permission to attack the merchant ships of enemy nations.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Never judge a book by its movie. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: There are no science fiction conventions this weekend that I could find. So here a SyFy joke: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Book Hangover: The struggle of trying to reconnect with the outside world after finishing an amazing book.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Digital Transformation & Sustainable Development (11, Pune, Inida) Engineering Artificial Intelligence https://infosec-conferences.com/event-series/institute-of-management-education-research-and-training/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: (To fight) Wage War – Wane Wax

Ants never get sick because they have little anty bodies. / I'm so old I remember when the Dead Sea first got sick.

..........There's a pain where there once was a heart.........Rolling Stones …..Dear Doctor

^^^^^ Pirates were criminals by most standards, but their ships and crews were surprisingly egalitarian. Crews used a democratic system that allowed all aboard to have a say in matters. This “honor among thieves” was spelled out in “articles of agreement.” The articles of agreement on Captain Bartholomew Roberts’ ship said that every man on the ship had “a vote in affairs of moment” and “equal title to the fresh provisions, or strong liquors, at any time seized.” These articles were described in Antony’s Pirates in the Age of Sail and also noted that crew members were not allowed to gamble, had to put their candles out every night at 8 p.m. and were required to keep their weapons clean and fit for use.

My Own Writing of the Week: In the SENEX meeting: We were then given a speech about how upset absolutely everyone was by our action. Group W, which had just conducted some research on scholarships, was upset with our demand for equality. Dean Taylor was despairing. East Asian Studies Director Burton was frantic with worry. After the snorts and retorts died down, the sisters explained that we were unconvinced about their sincerity. This drew even more snorts. When I gave my spiel about how we weren't just students, we were staff members and faculty wives as well, a most amazing thing happened. Almost every man around that table paused for a couple of seconds. You could see them mentally asking themselves if they knew where their wives were. It was palpable, that twist of insecurity, of mistrust. Unfortunately, I think it also put them on the defensive. --from An Act Surprising: Friday Night FYI: the faculty wife was Mary Coral and her husband knew exactly where she was; and he was home taking care of the kids.

Quote of the Week: for Get Out Your Guitar Day...My guitar is not a thing. It is an extension of myself. It is who I am. --Joan Jett

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Did you know: Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died in 1744 aged 43 though his rival Farenheit was convinced he was 109. ----James Hansen --Submitted by bc of ex

Today's Peace of History, February 11, 1777: Vermont became the first state to abolish slavery.

I've been sick for like 48 hours but I'm still gonna order a piece of cake with my soup. I refuse to die without cake being partly to blame. / Sick horses get taken to the horspital.

..........No pills gonna cure my ills.........Robert Palmer …..Doctor, Doctor

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle February 11, 2022, Medicinal ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: How do we know that even the realest of realities wouldn't be subjective, in the final analysis? Nobody can prove his existence, can he? --Daniel F Galouye

Cost of War:

As of 2/10/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $170,545,471,024.

As of 2/3/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $169,990,173,072.

As of 2/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,035,454,707,247.

As of 2/3/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,033,904,853,221.

As of 2/10/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,096,954,668,358.

As of 2/3/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,095,351,926,319.

As of 12/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,274,274,510,070 .

As of 12/3/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,262,525,144,208 .

As of 2/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,945,854,077,972.

As of 2/3/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,944,687,151,122.

As of 2/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,523,098,138,775.

As of 2/3/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,507,463,039,879.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. --Nelson Mandela

Famous Last Words: And I thought you was nice and loved us. --Mrs. Fife Eugene O'Neill's Dynamo

..........Let her go, let her go, God bless her.........Cab Calloway …..St. James Infirmary

Guys, I'm not dead. I'm just sick in bed. Doing a burrito impression. Someone shoot me in the head. / I drank half a bottle of NyQuil and decided to call Elvis on my microwave.

May Peace lead your way

And Joy hold your hand

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: