ePistle !@#$%

 Famous First Words: Be it enacted... An act to create the Judicial Courts of the United States...

It's Punctuation Day !@#$%@#$ A giant panda walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a salad and drink. The food arrives, he eats it, pays for his meal and tips the barkeep. Then he pulls a pistol, fires a round into the air, and just walks out of the bar as though this were the most normal thing in the world. A customer looks at the bar keep and says "What the hell was that all about! Was the food bad or something, and was that just a panda in a bar!?" Barkeep says "Now calm down... Let's just look this up". He reaches under the bar and pulls a dictionary. "Alright here it is," says the barkeep. "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves" / Punctuation saves lives: Let's eat Grandpa. Let's eat, Grandpa

..........gonna build a daydream from a little hope.........Anthony Newley …..Gonna Build A Mountain (Stop The World I Want To Get Off)

Kindness has no religion. Religions are like narrow tracks but kindness is like an open sky. --Amit Ray

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A 61°F temperature allows for a sweater and the pale, pale blue sky has a hint of either clouds or decaying jet trails making veils that stretch as far as I can see. There is no wind; even the willow branches are still. An awkward noise of an unseen bird breaks what passes as silence which is made up of Puck snorts, distant dog barks, and traffic from another street. The world is, miraculously, still green and lush. Only a few brown cottonwood leaves dot the green lawns and ditches. We walk until Puck turns and heads home enjoying every minute of our morning walk. But now we are back home. It smells of brewing coffee. So I fix myself a cup and take the tiniest sip of the very hot liquid. Ahhh. And now I get to sit down and write to you. Double ahhhhhh....

Hope your weekend is punctuated with fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cat Sommelier: This is a full-bodied Bordeaux with plum, mulberry, and dark cherry notes. It should make a cool stain on the carpet. --Submitted by PsyDe

I stole the punctuation keys from the police station's typewriter. They gave me a long sentence. / I'm giving up drinking for a month. (oops, incorrect punctuation) I'm giving up. Drinking for a month!

..........I'd make life paradise for someone really nice like you.........Anthony Newley …..Someone Nice Like You (Stop the World I Want To Get Off)

Trivia Questions: It is Bluebird of Happiness Day! What do we know about the beloved symbol?

^ Do you have any idea what the mating season is for bluebirds?

^^ What kind of birdhouse do bluebirds prefer?

^^^ What kinds of bluebirds do we have in the US?

^^^^ Do bluebirds migrate?

^^^^^ How did the bluebird get associated with happiness?

Big Hello: Bonjou – Gallo (Brittany) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. --Erma Bombeck

Max Picture of the Week: Max in the Cave of the Pillows

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 52% of librarians have been kicked out of a bookstore. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party. The party is for Asterisks only, and only Asterisks can enter. At some time the doorbell rings. One Asterisk opens the door and sees a Dot. The Asterisk says to the Dot: "I'm sorry, you cannot enter, this party is for Asterisks only" And the Dot says: "Idiot, it's me, Starburst. I put gel in my hair!" / What do you call a punctuation mark with a girlfriend? Accommodating

..........I defy any cloud to appear in the sky.........Anthony Newley …..A Wonderful day Like Today (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

Moonbeam: Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy . --F Scott Fitzgerald

Meditation Seed of the Week: Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The difference between Atheists and Evangelicals is that atheists are honest about not following Jesus. --Betty Bowers --Submitted by ksz of kc

Week of the Week: National Go-Kart Week (20-26) --I just got back from riding go-karts with my son. We had a wheely go time.

The asterisk was invented by someone seeing a cat's butt and thinking that it would make a great punctuation mark. It was almost a catastrophe. / Santa outlawed punctuation at the north pole when he learned that commas separate Clauses.

..........There's always a funny man in the game.........Anthony Newley …..The Joker (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

^ Bluebird nesting occurs from March through August. Only the female incubates the four to six eggs, which she maintains at a temperature of 98 to 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Bluebirds are generally monogamous, staying together throughout the breeding season, and may breed together for more than one season. However, some birds may switch mates during a breeding season to raise a second brood.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 24, 2021. The moon will be in the last quarter next Wednesday and is in Taurus. It is Bluebird of Happiness Day, National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day, Punctuation Day, Robin Hood Day, Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving, and Vegan Baking Day. Because it is the fourth Friday of September it is Native American Day. Finally because it is also the last Friday it is also Hug A Vegetarian Day and Support Purple for Platelets Day.

Among those born on this day were Girolamo Cardano (1501), Horace Walpole (1717), John Marshall (1755), F Scott Fitzgerald (1896), Don Porter (1912), Sheila MacRae (1924), Anthony Newley (1931), John Brunner (1924), Jim Henson (1936), Mean Joe Greene (1946), and Joseph Kennedy II (1962).

On September twenty-eighth the second Council of Nicaea opened (787), Faneuil Hall opened to the public (1742), Congress passed the first Judiciary Act creating the supreme court and the position of Attorney General (1789), Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the Peace Treaty of Adrianople (1829), the first baseball team was organized (1845), the dirigible was demonstrated (1852), Black Friday (Wall Street panicked when Gould & Fisk attempted to corner the gold market, 1869), the National Black Convention met (Louisville, KY, 1883), Operation Magic Carpet moved all the Jews from Yemen to Israel (1950), President Eisenhower suffered a heart attack on vacation in Denver (1955), President Eisenhower ordered US troops to desegregate Little Rock schools (1957), the US Circuit Court of Appeals ordered the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith (1962), The Munsters premiered (1964), 60 Minutes premiered (1968), and Barbara C Harris became the first woman elected Episcopal bishop (1988).

Night Sky, 9/24: this is the time of year when, during the evening, the dim Little Dipper "dumps water" into the bowl of the Big Dipper way down below. The Big Dipper will dump it back in the evenings of spring. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Not from Kansas... Sharice Davids is our lesbian Native American representative to the house of representatives. The group is, I think, the sunrise movement of KC supporting her.

This Week: Saturday, September 25 – International Lace Day & Math Storytelling Day & National Lobster Day

Sunday, September 26 – Forget-Me-Not Day & Happy Daughters Day & World Contraception Day

Night Sky, 9/26: Cygnus the Swan floats just about straight overhead these evenings. Its brightest stars form the big Northern Cross. When you face southwest and crane your head way, way up, the cross appears to stand upright. It's about two fists at arm's length tall, with Deneb as its top. Or to put it another way, when you face that direction the Swan appears to be diving straight down (something real swans never do).

Monday, September 27 – Ancestor Appreciation Day & National Scarf Day & Crush A Can Day

Tuesday, September 28 – National Drink Beer Day & National Good Neighbor Day & National Woman Road Warrior Day

Wednesday, September 29 – International Coffee Day & World Heart Day & Michaelmas

Night Sky, 9/29: Uranus (magnitude 5.7, in southern Aries) climbs high in the east by midnight. Neptune (magnitude 7.8, at the Aquarius-Pisces border) is high in the southeast by 9 or 10 p.m.

Thursday, September 30 – Ask A Stupid Question Day & National Love People Day & World Maritime Day

I recently won the Westminster Punctuation Competition. My prize was an apos+trophy. / I love eating babies and smiling but I hate punctuation

..........what we see will defy explanation.........Anthony Newley …..Pure Imagination (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^ Eastern bluebirds are particular about the homes they raise their young in. They like snug boxes with a 4-inch-square base and a 1¾-inch-diameter entry hole.

Name the Poet of the Week: Gully Foyle is my name, Terra is my nation, Deep space is my dwelling place, the stars my destination? Answer below

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. --Submitted by cf of ks

Moonbeam: The most sophisticated people I know – inside they are all children. --Jim Henson

Video of the Week: Colonel Sanders on What's My Line? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk4Eq8IcQMk

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie in the cave of books

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: "The city truly feels alive again". Good news for visiting in-laws and New Jersey residents, Broadway is back. The Lion King, Wicked, and Hamilton reopened on Tuesday, thrilling both of the Broadway fans who hadn't seen those shows yet. But it's a little scary because the CDC report recently revealed that the Delta variant is spread by unearned standing ovations. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/18/21

We must be ready to learn from one another, not claiming that we alone possess all truth and that somehow we have a corner on God. --Desmond Tutu

A Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “What's the WiFi password?” The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first.” So the guy buys a beer and asks again, “what' the WiFi password?” The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first, all lowercase, no spaces or punctuation.” / A cat has claws at the end of its paws but a comma has pauses at the end of its clauses.

..........Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew.........Anthony Newley …..The Candyman (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^^ North America is home to three species: eastern bluebirds in the East (~~Duh), and both western and mountain bluebirds in the West. It’s possible to see both eastern and westerns in a very small portion of the Southwest.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm a Republican and I support the constitution and working people. Sure, and I'm a prostitute and a; virgin. --Submitted by bu of ks

Collective Noun of the Week: An armory of aardvarks. https://www.jellyfish.com/en-gb/training/blog/collective-nouns

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/alkaseltzer.html

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Jim Levering of San Antonio, Texas. Think of an affliction in 5 letters. Shift each letter three spaces later in the alphabet — for example, A would become D, B would become E, etc. The result will be a prominent name in the Bible. Who is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 9/30/18

Hyperbole is, without a doubt, the single most magnificent thing that has ever happened in the world, ever! / Never date apostrophes, they're very possessive.

...........I've got a golden twinkle in my eye.........Anthony Newley …..I've Got A Golden Ticket (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

^^^^ Bluebird families flock together until fall, when they merge with other family flocks. Some, but not all, bluebirds residing in the northern portions of the range migrate to southern latitudes, but those residing in southern latitudes tend to be residential.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hormel Foods made their first batch of Spam in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food they have announced they will be making their second batch later this week. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Necronomicon 2021 (24-26, Tampa,FL) ~~Book of the Dead, I guess. Florida has the 3^rd highest number of COVID cases in the US. But, if you're into risk... http://www.stonehill.org/necro.htm

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Marine Science & Aquaculture (ICMSA) (924, Baltimore, MD) ...aquaculture industry and seafood security https://www.allconferencealert.com/event-detail.html?ev_id=591331&eventname=international-conference-on-marine-science-and-aquaculture-(icmsa)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ebola --> Herod

;) Yes, a winky face. But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as “complete sentences.” / I tried to rob a bank, but the teller gave me my note back and said the stick up is not hyphenated.

..........Fresh as an April morning, soft as a tulip's tongue.........Anthony Newley …..That's What It Is To Be Young (Road of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd)

^^^^^ According to folklore, many Native Americans hung dry gourds to entice bluebirds to nest near their settlements so they can enjoy their enchanting songs of happiness and hope. Just gazing upon one of the little flying cobalt creatures of contentment is said to bring joy.

My Own Writing of the Week: To start with, there's sagging. Loose flabby skin hanging off your body is not more attractive than fat arms or fat legs. I used to have three chins. Now I have 2 chins and a layer of skin that waves in a strong wind. Sometimes it sounds like hummingbirds made out of pudding are flying around my head. The skin hangs under the arms making it impossible to hold my hands straight down. So I get to walk around with my elbows stuck out as if I were a body-builder or Popeye. Not exactly the image I wanted for myself when I started. --From The Downside of Losing Weight

Extreme Topiary of the Week: Periods

Name Of the Poet of the Week: Gully Foyle was the creation of Alfred Bester in the novel, The Stars My Destination

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I need to get my life together but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in. --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History, September 24, 1968: 10,000 draft files were destroyed by fourteen anti-war activists with homemade napalm in Milwaukee, Wisconsin..

Theiyr're --Take that, grammar police. / Punctuation: I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

..........Deep down you know the world is still your toy.........Anthony Newley …..Cheer Up Charlie (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 24, 2021, !@#$% ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Men change their gods, and when they have changed them often enough they cease to fear their power. --John Brunner

Cost of War:

As of 9/23/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,922,224,486,841.

As of 9/16/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,921,048,021,966.

As of 9/23/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,084,846,718,595.

As of 9/16/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,084,244,173,532.

As of 9/23/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $150,398,633,932.

As of 9/16/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $158,843,748,807.

As of 9/23/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,004,320,416,877.

As of 9/16/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,002,770,375,540.

As of 9/23/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,038,269,310,514.

As of 9/16/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,026,518,210,174.

As of 9/23/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,209,061,338,879.

As of 9/16/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,193,427,267,802.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace hath higher tests of manhood, than battle ever knew. --John Greenleaf Whittier

Famous Last Words: I did my own research...

..........One wonderful moment.........Anthony Newley …..Once In A Lifetime (From Stop The World I Want To Get Off)

I don't judge people on their race, creed, color, or gender. I judge people on spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. / What do you get when you cross a joke with a hypothetical question?

May Peace bring you happiness

And Joy bring your serenity

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: --Submitted by MMS

Cowboy ePistle

 Famous First Words: They're out there. Black boys in white suits... Ken Kesey One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

It's International Country Music Day ! It was a terrible day. Two music lovers were being held hostage and both were going to be shot. One of them was a country music lover and the other enjoyed all types of music. Before they were shot they were asked for one last request before they died. The country music lover said, "I would like to listen to 'Achy Breaky Heart' 50 times in a row." The other music lover said, "Please, shoot me first / Actual Country Music Song: How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away --Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks

..........A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart.........Hank Williams …..Cold Cold Heart

We are more casual about qualifying the people we allow to act as advocates in the courtroom than we are about licensing electricians. --Warren E Burger

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is blue and nearly cloudless. A temperature of 79°F promises a warmth that has not yet developed. Lawns are still green and trees are still full. Squirrels are busy and rush about the yard on important business that ignores Puck. He barks at them, nonetheless. I have made it to and back from the doctor. I'm doing well, still losing weight, my paperwork looks good. Ahhh! Home now, I fix a cup of freshly brewed but sweetened and creamed coffee and savor a bite of cream cheese muffin. The only thing that could make the morning better is to write to you.

Hope your weekend whispers rainbows, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When you're old you take all your drugs after the concert.

A guy walks the streets of Nashville carrying a guitar. A car pulls up and a tourist asks, "Excuse me, do you know how you get to the Country Music Hall of Fame?" "Yeah," the man spits out. "Practice 'til you're dead!"." / Actual Country Music Song: I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight (Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win) – Charlie Walker

..........Hear that lonesome whippoorwill' he sounds too blue to fly.........Hank Williams …..I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry

Trivia Questions: September is National Honey Month. What do we know about the product and its makers

^ More or less how many pounds of honey were sold in the US in 2019?

^^ How many bees does it take to make a pound of honey, more or less?

^^^ Bees keep their hives at an exact temperature; do you know what it is?

^^^^ What percentage of vegetables, fruits, and seed crops are pollinated by bees?

^^^^^ How fast do honey bees fly anyway?

Big Hello: Ola - Galician (Spain) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Trickle-Down Economics clearly isn't working, so I think it's time we try Pinata Economics where we beat the rich with sticks until the wealth is redistributed. --Submitted by bd of ny

Max Picture of the Week: Max is eating green eggs and ham He likes them, Sam I Am

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 29% of librarians have never been wrong. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb? 2. One to screw it in and one to sing about all the good times he had with the old one. / Actual Country Music Song: Her Only Bad Habit Is Me --George Strait

..........Move over little dog 'cause the big dog's moving in.........Hank Williams …..Move It On Over

Moonbeam: I'm a hardened old guy. I've been cut in so many ways and dumped on by so many teams, I've been through it all, but I'd do it all over. --George Blanda

Meditation Seed of the Week: How do you know that you are not hallucinating?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My favorite moment of Star Wars is when Obi Wan's ghost gets tired and sits on a log. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: Line Dance Week (13-19) I went line dancing last night, well, actually it was a roadside sobriety test...same thing. / Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.

Tubas aren't used in country music because they are heavy metal. / Actual Country Music Song: Thank God And Greyhound You're Gone --Roy Clark

..........Well, I'm nobody's sugar daddy now.........Hank Williams …..Lovesick Blues

^ A total of 609.9 million pounds of Honey were sold in 2019. This is about 15 million pounds more than 2018.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 17, 2021. The moon will be full (Harvest) on Monday (9/20); today it is in Aquarius. It is Citizenship Day (formerly known as Constitution Day), International Country Music Day, King Turkey Day, National Monte Cristo Day, National Professional House Cleaners Day, National Table Shuffleboard Day, Time's Up Day, and VFW Ladies Auxiliary Day. Because it is the 3rd Friday it is also Bright Pink Lipstick Day, National Concussion Awareness Day, International Grenache Day, National POW/MIA Recognition Day, and National Tradesmen Day.

Among those born on this day were Charles the Simple (879), Konstantin Tsiolkovsky (1857), Warren E Burger (1907), Hank Williams (1923), George Blanda (1927), Roddy McDowall (1928), Edgar Dean Mitchell (1930), Thomas P Stafford (1930), Maureen Connolly (1934, Ken Kesey (1935), David Souter (1939), John Ritter (1948), and Rita Rudner (1955).

On September seventeenth the City of Boston formed (1630), the US constitution was adopted by the Philadelphia convention (1878), Herschel discovered Mimas, a moon of Saturn (1978), Ohio State University opened (1873), the first transcontinental airplane flight flew (NY - CA, 1911), the National Football League was organized (1920), the Soviet Union invaded Poland (1939), James Forrestal became the first US Secretary of Defense (1947), Constitution Day was renamed Citizenship Day (1952), Ernie Banks became the first black player for the Chicago Cubs (1953), The Fugitive premiered (1963), Bewitched premiered (1964), the Supremes released Baby Love (1964), Mission Impossible premiered (1967), M.A.S.H. premiered (1967), the B.A.R.T. opened for passenger service (1972), Vanessa Williams became the first black Miss America (1983), and North and South Korea joined the United Nations (1991).

Night Sky, 9/17: Now the gibbous Moon hangs lower right of the bright Jupiter at dusk. Later in the night, as the sky turns, the Moon becomes directly below Jupiter. That's how you'll find them around midnight (DST). http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Oh goody, it's college football season...

This Week: Saturday, September 18 – Batman Day & National Ceiling Fan Day & National Respect Day

Sunday, September 19 – Talk Like A Pirate Day & Wife Appreciation Day

Night Sky, 9/19: You can see in the stars that the season is changing: We've reached the time of year when, just after nightfall, cold-weather Cassiopeia has already climbed a little higher in the northeast than the warm-weather Big Dipper has sunk in the northwest. Cas bedecks the high northern sky in the early evening during the fall-winter half of the year. The Big Dipper takes over for the milder evenings of spring and summer. Almost midway between them stands Polaris. It's currently a little above the midpoint between the two.

Monday, September 20 – National Care for Kids Day & Respect for The Aged Day

Tuesday, September 21 – International Day of Peace

Wednesday, September 22 – Car Free Day & Dear Diary Day & Mabon

Night Sky, 9/22: Mercury (about magnitude +0.2) is very deep down in the sunset, 16° lower right of Venus this week. You might have a chance at it with binoculars or a wide-field scope. About 15 or 20 minutes after sunset, scan for it just above your horizon due west. Good luck.

Thursday, September 23 – International Day of Sign Languages

What do you get if you cross country music with rap? Crap / Actual Country Music Song: You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly --Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn

..........But sleep won't come the whole night through.........Hank Williams …..Your Cheatin' Heart

^^ A worker bee gathers in her entire life 0.8 gram (0.0288 ounce) of honey. It requires 556 worker bees to gather a pound of honey. Bees fly the equivalent of more than one trip around the world to gather a pound of honey. The average life of a honey bee during the working season is about six weeks.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tattoos should actually make you more employable because it shows you can sit in place for hours while tiny needles are jammed into your skin and that's what every corporate meeting I've ever been in has felt like. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: Since we don't know where we're going, we have to stick together in case someone gets there. --Ken Kesey

Video of the Week: Protest at Phi Kappa Psi, University of Kansas 9/13/21 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4TrmqJcD9I They gathered there again the next night. Tomorrow they are sitting in the hall outside the chancellor's office. ~~~Been there, done that. And it works, last time. Good luck to them.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie traveling in a fashion forward lion suit with hoodie with a mane.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Since they kicked up the flavors a notch / I love brushing my teeth now just watch / Pretty soon I will try / some with bourbon or rye / See, my toothpaste is flavored with scotch --Bill Kurtis Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/11/21

Trials by the adversarial contest must in time go the way of the ancient trial by battle and blood. --Warren E Burger

When you listen to rock music backwards you hear satanic messages, when you listen to country music backwards you get your wife, your life, and your dog back. / Actual Country Music Song: Redneck Martians Stole My Baby --Hank Flamingo

..........Cause tonight I'm gonna see my ma cher ami-o.........Hank Williams …..Jambalaya

^^^ Honey bees keep the inside of their hives at 93 degrees Fahrenheit. (If it’s cold outside, all the bees vibrate their bodies and create body heat to warm up their hive to 93°, and when it’s hot outside, they flap their wings like fans to create a breeze and cool it off.)

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why Iron-man and why not Fe-male? --Submitted by FNOG

Collective Noun of the Week: A group of eagles or of hawks is called an aerie sometimes spelled eyrie. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Glossary_of_collective_nouns_by_collective_term

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe tired feet. Plop four Alka Seltzer tablets in a pan of warm water, plop your feet into the alkaline solution, and let them fizz fizz for fifteen minutes. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/alkaseltzer.html

Puzzle of the Week: Name a famous person (8 letters in first name, 4 letters in last). The last name is also a regular uncapitalized word with a single vowel. Change that vowel to make a new word that is humorously defined by the person's first name. Who is it?

Tibetan religious leaders issued a special forgiveness to a certain Buxom country music star. It was called the Dalai Pardon. / Actual Country Music Song: I Flushed You From The Bathroom Of My Heart --J D Blackfoot

...........I'm gonna keep drinkin' till I'm petrified.........Hank Williams …..There's A Tear In My Beer

^^^^ Honey bees pollinate approximately 80% of all vegetables, fruit, and seed crops in the USA.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I used to be a virgin, but I gave it up because there was no money in it. --Marsha Warfield

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fan Expo Dallas (17-19, Dallas) Three days of fun filled fan culture. https://fanexpohq.com/fanexpodallas/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwkIGKBhCxARIsAINMioKtdp_piqjZKxglqytKyVdAq3oLANfRZfUGqwdCKf9AlKljc3YdpBIaAm_tEALw_wcB

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Cannabis Science Conference (13-15, Baltimore) ...specialized focus on analytical science, medical topics in cannabis, cultivation and hemp science. https://www.cannabisscienceconference.com/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Wolfgang Puck (Pack)

FYI: Africa by Toto is not considered Country Music is it called Continent Music. / Actual Country Music Song: You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too –The Statler Brothers

..........No more darkness, no more night.........Hank Williams …..I Saw The Light

^^^^^ A honey bee flies 15 miles per hour. Bees flap their wings 190 times a second. (That’s over double the 70 times a second the hummingbird flaps its wings)

My Own Writing of the Week: To be clear, we're not talking here about that pesky 5 or 10 pounds that you gain and lose each year. I've lost 55 pounds. I began at 280 and now I weigh 225. People who have never lost 50 pounds (or who couldn't afford to lose 50 pounds) think it's wonderful. Certainly, the capitalists who try to sell us various reduction drugs, meals, vitamin supplements, exercise equipment, and/or surgery tell us that we will look terrific and be brimming with new found energy. They predict our bikini clad bodies will walk the beach and be harassed by a guy who looks like he just finished making a Viagra commercial. They never tell you about the darker side, the cons, the bummers of losing weight. --The Downside of Losing Weight ~~This is from 2012

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know if you don't rake the leaves they turn into soil right? They don't break into your house and drink all your wine or anything. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, September 17, 1961: 1,314 anti-nuclear protesters were arrested during a sit-down in London’s Trafalgar Square by 12,000. City authorities had denied them a permit.

My son calls pop-country music Hick-Hop. / Actual Country Music Song: She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger --Chuck Mead

..........I'm a number not a name.........Hank Williams …..Lonesome Whistle

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 17. 2021, Cowboy, ePistle*. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047, ~~When I was a kid country music was called Cowboy music and then Country-Western and now Country.

Moonbeam: Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? --Rita Rudner

Cost of War:

As of 9/9/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,921,048,021,966.

As of 9/9/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,919,875,482,873.

As of 9/9/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,084,244,173,532.

As of 9/9/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,083,643,985,805.

As of 9/9/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $158,843,748,807.

As of 9/9/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $158,290,984,424.

As of 9/9/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,002,770,375,540.

As of 9/9/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,001,225,839,102.

As of 9/9/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,026,518,210,174.

As of 9/9/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,014,811,456,622.

As of 9/9/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,193,427,267,802.

As of 9/9/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,177,855,535,552.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen. --Warren E Burger

Famous Last Words: Don't throw our love away.........Baby Love The Supremes

..........How's about cookin' something up with me.........Hank Williams …..Hey Good Lookin'

Facing depression during the pandemic, I wrote a very creative and detailed suicide note. Now I've got the #1 country music song in the US. / Actual Country Music Song: How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me --Mel Tillis

May Peace guide your hands

And Joy direct your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle's Idea

 Famous First Words: Say, you gals think you're lucky... Swanson TV Dinner ad ~~embodies almost everything bad about 1950s commercials.

It's Swap Idea Days – here's a few for you. The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. --Linus Pauling. / Contact lens jewelry – perfect for when you want to look like you're crying little pieces of plastic crap.

..........Yo que te quiero tanto, qué voy ha hacer.........José Feliciano …..El Tando De Roxanne

The world is now too small for anything but brotherhood. --Arthur Powell Davies

It is a cool, beautiful Friday morning. The 67°F temperature is perfect for walking around the neighborhood. There is no breeze but the willow branches still sway slowly. The rising sun is filtered through chains of lacy clouds so that it casts filigree shadows onto the sidewalk. Puck walks through them without notice. He is quiet this morning, spending his time sniffing. The sky itself is nearly white with unseen humidity. The earth smells of it and that same water makes the grass sparkle with dew drops. The local murder of crows lights on a housetop and sings matins for us. We thank them and move on down the block, barking briefly at a neighbor's dog who shouts back. We turn at the cul-de-sac and return home. Puck imbibes water for a full 30 seconds and settles beneath my desk for his early morning nap. I sit at my computer, take a long gulp of sweetened coffee and turn to you to say, good morning. Sounds like the start of a great day.

Here's a great idea, have a wonderful weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.--Submitted by INRITH

FYI of the Week: NABISCO workers are on-strike across the country. The two main issues are demands for concessions (overtime without overtime pay, etc) at a time when the company is making record profits are ridiculous and an end to outsourcing jobs to Mexico. Here's the skinny: https://ucommblog.com/section/corporate-greed/boycott-nabisco-products

Great ideas need landing gear as well as wings. – C D Jackson / An alarm in a diaper letting everyone around you know your baby just took a dump.

..........Good mornin' glory, hallelujah to ya.........Aerosmith with Joe Perry …..Movin' Out

Trivia Questions: It is World Suicide Prevention Day.

^ Would you care to guess how many people commit suicide each year, worldwide?

^^ Where does suicide rank as causes of death worldwide?

^^^ In the US suicide is the second largest cause of death for what ages of people, more or less?

^^^^ How many Americans died by suicide in 2019?

^^^^^ Do you know the suicide hotline number? ~~Asking for a friend

Big Hello: Mandi – Friulian (Northern Italy) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I make mistakes. I'll be the second to admit it. --Jean Kerr

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the Merry-Go-Round (by the way, it's a water horse)

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 27% of librarians wear sensible shoes because it makes it easier to sneak around the stacks and scare patrons https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Ideas are worthless until you get them out of your head to see what they can do. / Sauna Pants for Texas men. Wipe out fertility in just three weeks.

..........She takes apart the past and re-writes all her lines.........Chris Isaak …..Another Idea

Moonbeam: When I'm in New York I look at the Empire State Building and feel as though it belongs to me...or is it vice versa? --Fay Wray

Meditation Seed of the Week: If you died and had to choose one place to haunt for the rest of eternity, where would you choose to haunt?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How much is the rent on this amazing apartment? Ah, it's not an apartment; it's a bookstore. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Week of the Week: Popcorn Days (9-11) --Who ordered the corn to pop, anyway? The Kernel? / My dog likes pupcorn. / Peppy Popcorn was so happy because she won the corntest.

Any idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all. –Oscar Wilde / Diet water! For when 0 is just too many calories.

..........We'll pay him well, my dear.........Tears For Fears …..Me And My Big Ideas

^ More than 700 000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Suicide is a global phenomenon and occurs throughout the lifespan. Effective and evidence-based interventions can be implemented at population, sub-population, and individual levels to prevent suicide and suicide attempts. There are indications that for each adult who died by suicide there may have been more than 20 others who attempted suicide.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 10, 2012. The moon will be in the first quarter on Monday and is in Scorpio. It is National TV Dinner Day, Swap Ideas Day, and (World) Suicide Prevention Day. In Belize it is National Day/St George's Caye Day (1798) and Scotland celebrates Fisherman's Walk Day. Because it is the second Friday it is also Hug Your Boss Day.

Among those born on this day were Carter Braxton (1836), Isaac Kauffman Funk (1839), Fay Wray (1907), Arnold Palmer (1929), Charles Kuralt (1934), Roger Maris (1934), Jose Feliciano (1945), Amy Irving (1953), and Joe Perry (1950).

On September tenth George Washington asked for a volunteer spy and Nathan Hale took him up on it (1776), Simon Bolivar was named president of Peru (1823), Howe patented the sewing machine (1846), the Great Idaho Fire destroyed 3 million wooded acres (1913), the Lincoln Highway opened thus completing coast-to-coast paved highway (1913), Leopold and Loeb were found guilty of murder (1924), Swanson sold the first "tv dinner" (1953), Gunsmoke premiered (CBS, 1955), Abebe Bikila of Ethiopia won the Olympic marathon running barefoot (Rome, 1960), Gibraltar voted to remain British (1967), Muhammad Ali defeated Ken Norton (1973), Guinea-Bissau gained independence from Portugal (1974), 3 Puerto Rican nationalists who attempted to assassinate Truman in 1950 were freed (1979), and Bush and Gorbachev met in Helsinki (1990).

Night Sky,9/10: The two brightest stars (not planets) of September evenings are Vega high overhead and Arcturus in the west, both magnitude zero. Draw a line from Vega down to Arcturus. A third of the way down you cross the dim Keystone of Hercules. Two thirds of the way you cross the dim semicircle of Corona Borealis with its one modestly bright star: Alphecca, the gem of the crown. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Remember those happy faces in On The Road Again last week. Here's the other side of the road. On the tarmac at Midway Airport waiting for the weather to pass.

This Week: Saturday, September 11 – Banana Day & Libraries Remember Day & Prairie Day

Sunday, September 12 – Grandparent's Day & National Day of Encouragement & Video Games Day

Night Sky, 9/12: Look left of the thick crescent Moon for the head stars of Scorpius, then orange Antares. Halfway between the Moon and Antares (for the Americas) is the brightest of the head stars, the long-term eruptive variable Delta Scorpii. It's been holding fairly steady at magnitude 1.8 since 2010.

Monday, September 13 – International Chocolate Day & Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day & Roald Dahl Day

Tuesday, September 14 – National Sober Day & National Kreme Filled Donut Day

Wednesday, September 15 – Felt Hat Day & Greenpeace Day & International Day of Democracy

Night Sky, 9/15: Uranus (magnitude 5.7, in Aries) gets high in the east after midnight. Neptune (magnitude 7.8, at the Aquarius-Pisces border) is fairly high in the southeast as early as 10 pm.

Thursday, September 16 – National PawPaw Day & Mayflower Day & Stay Away From Seattle Day

A mind stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions. / Take your goldfish for a walk.

..........the modern age is here.........Bad Religion …...Change Of Ideas

^^ Suicide accounted for 1.3% of all deaths worldwide, making it the 17th leading cause of death in 2019.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some people are so poor, all they have is money. --Jack Kerouac

Moonbeam: Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. --Arnold Palmer

Video of the Week: TV Dinners by ZZ Top https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-6mI708yWc

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie: Fun guy and fungi

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I would prefer that people buy bitcoin drunk rather than be like, "no I actually read up on it and I'm buying bitcoin". -Peter Grosz Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/4/21

Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. --Desmond Tutu

That's a horrible idea. What time should I be there? / Simulated animal paws on the soles of shoes so you can leave tracks wherever you walk.

..........I've been thinking sitting on a pole.........Bee Gees …..Idea

^^^ In the US, suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10 through 34. Unintentional injury is the leading cause for the same age groups.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In Texas the virus has more reproductive rights than women.

Weird Word of the Week: Zenzizenzizenzic – the 8^th power of a number http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-zen1.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Cure bad breath. Dissolve two Alka-Seltzer tablets in a glass of warm water and use as a mouthwash. The baking soda in the Alka-Seltzer lowers the pH level in your mouth, killing odor-producing bacteria. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/alkaseltzer.html

Puzzle of the Week: Name a food item. Divide this word in half. Take the second half followed by the first half twice, and you'll get a familiar saying. If you take the second half twice, followed by the first half, you'll name a well-known person. What are the food item, saying, and person's name? NPR Puzzle Sunday 11/26/11

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it's not going to be a good time. / Let's get a team of people in neon green morph suits to break into a newsroom and harass the weather man. No one at home will have any idea what's happening.

...........It could have been anywhere..........Shellac …..The Idea Of North

^^^^ 47,111 individuals took their own lives in the US in 2019. It is estimated that there were 1.39 million attempts.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A few years ago I got bitten by a radioactive sloth and now I'm super tired. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: LadiesCon 2021 (9-12, Somerville, MA) ...four-day celebration of women of all kinds and their work in comic books, science fiction, fantasy, cosplay, and ... https://ladiescon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: IWAEA 2021 (10^th International Workshop on Astronomy & Relativistic Astrophysics (5-11, Mexico City) ...astroparticle physics, cosmology, gravitation, nuclear physics, and related fields. https://conference-service.com/conferences/gravitation-and-cosmology.html

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Mayo → Yo mama & Yo-Yo Ma

My problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas. / Putin should declare a slightly larger marine sanctuary than ours, sparking an environmentalist “arms race” that ends with a clean unpolluted Earth.

..........I feel so normal..........New Idea Society …..Create Your Own Emergency

^^^^^ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800 273-8255.

My Own Writing of the Week: Whether Daphne discerned the truth or not we'll never know. She was apparently genuinely appalled at the removal of sex, drugs, and violence from worship, if indeed, it could still be called worship at all. Forever after when Apollo came to the glade she haughtily stretched herself into the laurel tree with a note nailed to her navel saying she'd only come out and play if he first ate the leaves. But it was too late to rescind his own edict and so he couldn't legally partake. It was Erato who first and most ardently regretted the loss of the true religion and it was she that fashioned for Apollo the wreath of laurel in hopes that he might in some moment of weakness or loneliness eat the leaves that would bring Daphne to his side and break the spell. Then it would be business as usual once again on Olympus. --from a short story called Daphne & Apollo

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe the day is having a shitty you. --Submitted by dr of oh

Today's Peace of History, September 10, 1963: Twenty black students entered public schools in Birmingham, Tuskegee, and Mobile, Alabama. Governor George C. Wallace had ordered Alabama state troopers to stop the federal court-ordered integration of Alabama’s elementary and high schools. President John Kennedy responded by calling out the Alabama National Guard to protect the students and to see the order enforced.

There are no bad ideas, only great ideas that go terribly wrong. / A microwave that goes to YouTube and finds a video the exact length of the time you just typed in and plays it on the microwave door.

..........I'm gonna have a fantasy........Aerosmith with Joe Perry …..Love In An Elevator

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 10, 2021, ePistle's Idea. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. --Charles Kuralt

Cost of War:

As of 9/9/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,919,875,482,873.

This comes out to $70.02 million per hour

As of 9/2/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,161,228,484,866.

As of 9/9/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,083,643,985,805.

This comes out to $3.6 million per hour

As of 9/2/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,057,718,985,805.

As of 9/9/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $158,290,984,424.

...new category...some of this used to be part of Military Costs. It comes to $3.31 million per hour

As of 9/9/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,001,225,839,102.

This comes out to $9/25 million per hour

As of 9/2/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $879,361,270,667.

As of 9/9/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,014,811,456,622.

This comes out to $7.09 million per hour

As of 9/2/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $355,491,180,137.

As of 9/9/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,177,855,535,552.

This comes out to $93.26 million per hour

As of 9/2/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,453,801,926,185.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

If peace can only come through killing someone, then I don't want it. --Hiro Mashima

Famous Last Words: Well, shit, that didn't work...

..........Próspero año y felicidad..........José Feliciano …..Feliz Navidad

The very next bad idea you have, I'm in. / A hamster ball filled with water so your pet octopus can walk around the house.

May Peace be at home in your soul

And Joy attend your spirit

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: --Submitted by Philosophy Matters