Famous First Words: If you really want to hear about it... JD Salinger Catcher In The Rye
It is World Snake Day and here are some hisssssterical jokes. Here in the wetlands (aka the swamp) all the snakes get together every Thursday evening for a game of Hide and Sneak.
..........A toot, a toot, a toot diddelyada toot.........The Andrew Sisters …..Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them. --Ida B Wells
It is a muggy (71°F, 92% relative humidity) Friday morning. The sky is a slate of featureless gray clouds and not a breath of wind is stirring. Whole streets have been taken over by fowl. Chickens strut through the sub cul de sac clucking greetings or warning, hard to say. Our local murder of crows in stalking Morningside drive, walking around, flying low, discussing the morning in loud caws. And a quarrel of sparrows is playing leap frog on a driveway. Puck barks at them all and is ignored by them in return. The grass is sparkling with morning dew or yesterday's rain. The ground smells of dampness and the air is filled with heaviness. We finish our rounds and return home. Puck still sniffing everything and barking now and again, just in case. Of course, he accepts a treat and then retreats to his dog cave under the bed. I refresh my cup of decaf, take off my shoes, and sit down to write to you. What a morning...
Hope your weekend is a personal best, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You are not a dumpster fire. You are a multidimensional dumpster phoenix. --Submitted by MMS
I got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. I wouldn't recognize it again; it was wearing a hood. / Crush and Swallow, a CPA firm, always has a few adders on staff.
..........You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right.........The Police …..Roxanne
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Automatic Parking Meter
^ Any idea what preceded the automatic parking meter?
^^ Do you know who invented the “automatic” one?
^^^ Where was the first such meter installed?
^^^^ Care to guess who or where or how amusing the stories of the first parking tickets are?
^^^^^ How many parking meters do you think are out there, more or less?
Big Hello: Hello – English (British) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's amazing that Rosalyn & Jimmy Carter just celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary. That's more than 15 wives in GOP years. --Submitted by @SundaeRedux
Max Picture of the Week: Brothers in the shell
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 3% of library checkouts are staff checking out their favorite books so the book won't be weeded from the collection https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
You have to measure snakes in inches, they don't have feet. / This one's for Slytherin House: My magical snake is named Addercadabra.
..........To see Queenie the cutie of the burlesque show.........The Andrew Sisters …..Strip Polka
Moonbeam: Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need. --Mary Baker Eddy
Meditation Seed of the Week: Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our Christmas Decorations on fire. --Submitted by INRITH
Week of the Week: National Vodka Week (11-17) --I doubt vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot. / Sobriety is not in my vodkabulary.
Never give coffee to snakes. It makes them viperactive. / The US Department of Mines employs several snakes, you know, civil serpents.
..........The evening spreads its sail against the sky.........The Police …..Bring On The Night
^ An early US patent for a parking meter was filed by Roger W. Babson, on August 30, 1928. The meter was intended to operate on power from the battery of the parking vehicle and required a connection from the vehicle to the meter.
Almanac: It is Friday, July 16, 2021. The moon will be in the first quarter tomorrow and is in Libra. It is National Guinea Pig Day, National Personal Chefs' Day, and World Snake Day. Because it is the third weekend it is also Celebration of The Horse.
Among those born on this day were John Kay (1704), Joshua Reynolds (1723), Mary Baker Eddy (1821), Ida B Wells (1862), Roald Amundsen (1872), Shoeless Joe Jackson (1887), Trygve Lie (1896), Barbara Stanwyck (1907), Orville Redenbacher (1907), Ginger Rogers (1911), Laverne Andrews (Andrew Sisters, 1915), Bess Myerson (1924), Stewart Copeland (Police, 1952), and Corey Feldman (1971).
On July sixteenth the Lunar Cycle of Hilarius began (463), kissing was banned in England (1439), John Adams was graduated from Harvard (1775), the District of Columbia was established (1790), the US Public Health Service was established (1798), the US Marine Hospital was authorized (1798), many negro miners were killed by striking white miners (Alabama, 1894), the first automatic parking meter was installed (1935), 100 degrees F was the highest temperature recorded in Seattle (1941), the first atomic bomb was detonated (NM, 1945), Catcher in the Rye was published (1951), Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey performed under canvas for the last time (1956), and Apollo 11 was launched (1969).
Night Sky, 7/16: In late twilight, Spica shines three or four finger-widths lower left of the first-quarter Moon (it's exactly first-quarter at 6:11 am EDT Saturday the 17th). High above them is brighter Arcturus, tinted with a lower color temperature: yellow-orange. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Image of the Week: Bruce's daughter Jessica Springsteen has made the US Olympic Equestrian team.
Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cannabis (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together.
This Week: Saturday, July 17 – National Hot Dog Day & Woodie Wagon Day
Sunday, July 18 – National Caviar Day & Nelson Mandela International Day
Night Sky, 7/18: The tail of Scorpius is low due south right after dark, to the lower right of the Sagittarius Teapot. How low depends on how far north or south you live: the farther south, the higher. Look for the two stars especially close together in the tail. These are Lambda and fainter Upsilon Scorpii, known as the Cat's Eyes. They're canted at an angle; the cat is tilting his head a little to the right and winking (Upsilon is fainter than Lambda; they're magnitudes 1.6 and 2.6). Both are blue-white supergiants, 700 and 500 light years away, respectively. Yes, the nearer of the two is the fainter one.
Monday, July 19 – Flitch Day & Global Hug Your Kid Day
Tuesday, July 20 – Moon Day & Space Exploration Day & World Chess Day
Night Sky, 7/20: Between the Cat's Eyes and the Teapot's spout are the open star clusters M6 and especially M7, showy in binoculars. A line through the Cat's Eyes points west (right) by nearly a fist-width toward Mu Scorpii, a much tighter pair known as the Little Cat's Eyes. They're oriented almost exactly the same way as Lambda and Upsilon, and like those, they're not a true binary: they're 500 and 800 light-years from us.
Wednesday, July 21 – National Be Someone Day & No Pet Store Puppies Day
Thursday, July 22 – National Refreshment Day & Spooners Day aka Spoonerisms Day
My snake was obviously sick so I took her to the vet. He said to giver her Asssprin. / Hogwarts students once crossed two kinds of snakes and the came up with an addradacobra,
..........Cool down papa don't you blow your top.........The Andrew Sisters …..Straighten Up And Fly Right
^^ Holger George Thuesen and Gerald A. Hale designed the first working parking meter, the Black Maria, in 1935.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can give a man a fish and THEN teach him to fish, you know. And it's a lot easier to learn how to fish when you're not starving. --He is Lore --Submitted by gr of oh
Quote of the Week: When a man hits a target they call him a marksman. When I hit it, they call it a trick. Never did like that much. --Annie Oakley
Moonbeam: Adventure is just bad planning. --Roald Amundsen
Son of Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If the statues didn't want to be vandalized then maybe they shouldn't have dressed so confederately. --Submitted by sd of ks
Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie practicing his surfing stance
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Say hello to the Unaffordable - but it's so shiny you buy it anyway - Care Act. The idea is that your health is already constantly monitored by your Apple Watch, so instead of you waiting till you get sick to see your boring old android doctor, a spiffy Apple doctor calls you up and expresses surprise you are able to answer the phone given what they know about your cholesterol. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/19/21
Virtue knows no color line, and the chivalry which depends upon complexion of skin and texture of hair can command no honest respect. --Ida B Wells
William Snakespeare wrote Hognose V. / We had an infestation of rattlesnakes in our pantry. It was Snakes and Larders
..........How my poor heart aches with every step you take.........The Police …..Every Breath You Take
^^^ Thuesen and Hale were engineering professors at Oklahoma State University and began working on the parking meter in 1933 at the request of Oklahoma City lawyer and newspaper publisher Carl C. Magee. The world's first installed parking meter was in Oklahoma City on July 16, 1935. Magee received a patent for the apparatus on 24 May 1938.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: With soap, baptism is a good thing. --Robert Green Ingersoll --Submitted by MMS
Weird Word of the Week: Scutching – to beat the stems of the flax plant to remove the useful fibers for making linen. World Wide Words: Scutching
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a toilet: Drop in 2 Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait 20 minutes, brush, and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china. Alka-Seltzer®: Wacky Uses
Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Steve Baggish of Arlington, Mass. Think of a common two-word phrase, in 9 letters, naming something that makes it easy to get money. Rearrange its letters to spell another common two-word phrase naming something that makes it hard to get money. What phrases are these? NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/28/19
A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, “How'd you do that?” / When Sally Sidewinder married Harry Hoopsnake, I gave them a set of Hiss and Hers bath towels.
...........You make my sad heart jump with joy.........The Andrew Sisters …..Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, Oh
^^^^ One of the first parking meter tickets resulted in the first court challenge to metered parking enforcement. Rev. C.H. North of Oklahoma's City's Third Pentecostal Holiness Church had his citation dismissed when he claimed he had gone to a grocery store to get change for the meter.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you can't handle me randomly blurting out song lyrics that relate to what you just said, then we can't be friends. --Submitted by INRITH
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Crypticon 2021 (KC, 16-18) --WELCOME TO THE AMAZING AND ICONICALLY FILLED WORLD BIZARRE & HAUNT EXPO Kansas City Crypticon – Celebrating 10 Years of Horror (crypticonkansascity.com)
Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Cold Molecules and Molecular Physics (15-16, Bali, Indonesia) --The control and manipulation of cold and ultracold International Conference on Cold Molecules and Molecular Physics ICCMMP on July 15-16, 2021 in Bali, Indonesia (conferenceindex.org)
Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Debit card => bad credit
All those m*therf*cking snakes on that plane were Boeing constrictors. / When Greta Garter Snake gets angry she throws a real hissy fit.
..........Love can mend your life.........The Police …..Message In A Bottle
^^^^^ Today, Automobile Evolution estimates there are between four and five million parking meters in the United States. --Apr 3, 2012 ~~Sorry, I could find no statistics later than 2012. Statistics aren't even kept by states, only cities, actually only large cities. I would guess in nearly 10 years we've added at least another million.
My Own Bit Of Writing of the Week: Every Day Art Diversion: I once went to an exhibit of Abstract Expressionism. It had two paintings – both large. One was Jackson Pollock's Mural . It was incredible. It was a forest with animals and fairy tale creatures cavorting amongst the trees. It was totally up to the viewer to see this stuff because it was all drips and smears. The other was by Robert Motherwell. It was a couple of big round circles not painted fully and some other industrial looking shapes. It had no texture. It was Elegy to the Spanish Republic, No. 126 I thought that both titles lacked imagination. I read that Motherwell was showing us the alienation of modern life or something like that. And I said to myself, I go to art museums to get away from the alienation of modern life, not to see it euphemized. So I understand that if you're going to bother to write poetry you don't want it to describe your microwave.
Word Coining Diversion: I knew I was making up euphemize but my spell checker also doesn't like amongst.
Extreme Topiary of the Week:
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's easier to fly a rocket into space than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God. --Jesus, probably --Submitted by MMS
Today's Piece of History, July 16, 1970: Rick "Tiger" Dowdell was shot and killed by officer Billy Garrett in the alley between New Hampshire and Rhode Island between 9th & 10th in Lawrence, KS. Dowdell was unarmed.
Today's Peace of History, July 16, 1983: During a time of increasing tension between the US and the USSR, and an escalating nuclear arms race, 10,000 peace activists formed a human chain linking the two superpowers’ embassies in London, England. The same day, members of the Greenham Common Women's Peace Camp painted the U.S. spy plane, Blackbird.
Why did the viper viper nose? Because the adder adder handkerchief. / When the crazy king knighted his pet snake they called it Sir Pent.
..........Who could ask for anything more.........The Andrew Sisters …..Nice Work If You Can Get It
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 16, 2021, Slinky ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. --Bess Myerson
Cost of War: As of 7/15/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,147,397,871,219.
As of 7/8/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,145,410,180,931.
As of 7/15/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,048,319,021,844.
As of 7/8/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,046,968,153,428.
As of 7/15/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $867,543,995,491.
As of 7/8/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $865,845,771,431.
As of 7/15/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $352,805.473,957.
As of 7/8/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $352,419.508,193.
As of 7/15/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,416,067,223,286.
As of 7/8/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,410,644,421,116.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
One had better die fighting against injustice than to die like a dog or a rat in a trap. --Ida B Wells
Famous Last Words: you start missing everybody. --Salinger Catcher In The Rye
..........She's a whistle in the catacombs.........The Police …..When The World Is Running Down
A snake that bakes: Piethon / A mathematical snake: Pithon / Casanova Cat Snake's favorite pickup line was “Come up to my place, I'll help you unwind”.
May Peace be your boon companion
And Joy be your faithful friend
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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