Famous First Words: In those days cheap apartments were almost impossible to find... William Styron Sophie's Choice
The 2021 Duct Tape Days have been canceled. But here are a few jokes to keep the tradition alive. Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer, and some duct tape. / Archeologists just discovered an Egyptian pharaoh wrapped in duct tape. They've named it the redneck mummy.
..........Ground Control to Major Tom.........David Bowie …..Space Oddity
“You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake” ― Jeannette Rankin
It is a muggy Friday morning; our temperature is already 86°F and the humidity is 70%. The sky is graced with cute fluffy clouds and several spots where the humidity is so dense it is visible. A stiff breeze keeps the willows in near constant motion but does not cool the skin as it passes by. The world is green and green and green. It smells of green and it feels like green. To emphasis the green, white puffs of cottonwood seeds float lazily (even in the wind) like tiny clouds with some destination in mind but enjoying the ride so much they have no particular incentive to arrive. Birds too are adding still more motion by flitting in and out of tree and stopping at the top of the utility pole to survey the world before swooping off again. Yet, I spend little time on the patio; instead, I retreat and close the door quickly. It is cool inside and the hum of the air conditioner promises to keep it that way. I fix myself a creamy, artificially sweetened decaf...steamy in my nose and hot against my hand. Now I sit to sip the sweetness and write to you. Can't think of a better morning.
Hope your weekend holds it all together, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Chocolate is vital for our survival. Dinosaurs didn't have chocolate and look what happened to them... --Submitted by INRITH
What's the difference between Scientists and Engineers? Scientists use complex formulas to solve problem, and engineers use duct tape. / Humans: The one thing duct tape can't fix
..........Where the eagle dare not fly.........David Bowie …..Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud
Trivia Questions: Happy Corn On The Cob Day
^ Which continents on Earth raise corn as a cash crop?
^^ How many rows are there on a cob of corn?
^^^ What part of the plant is the corncob, anyway?
^^^^ How much soft drink can you sweeten with a bushel of corn?
^^^^^ How important is corn to the American agricultural economy?
Big Hello: Misawa – Dholuo (Kenya, Sudan, & Tanzania) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious. --Steve Carrell as Michael Scott
Max Picture of the Week: Max the Handyman ...he fixes broken hearts, he truly can.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: When administration asks what can be done to improve the library 89% of staff ask to have the AC fixed. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Duct tape is like The Force; it has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together. / When do you use duct tape on a duck? When it's quacked.
..........No one here can see you.........David Bowie …..Dancing Out In Space
Moonbeam: However benevolent men may be in their intentions, they cannot know what women want and what suits the necessities of women’s lives as well as women know these things themselves. --Millicent Garrett Fawcett
Meditation Seed of the Week: How important do you have to be before you are assassinated instead of murdered?
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just dumped M&Ms into my mask so I can eat them like a horse. --Submitted by INRITH
Week of the Week: National Business Etiquette Week (6-12) –I'm sorry if I offended you by asking you to do your job. / Finding new ways to be lazy is probably the most productive thing you've done today.
My First Aid Kit contains whiskey and duct tape. / No, do not count on duct tape to hold down your house during a tornado.
..........of darkness and dismay.........David Bowie …..Lady Stardust
^ Farmers grow corn on every continent except Antarctica.
Almanac: It is Friday, June 11, 2021. The moon was new yesterday and is in Cancer. It is Corn on the Cob Day, National Cotton Candy Day, National Impressionists Day, and National Making Life Beautiful Day. In Hawaii it is King Kamehameha I Day (1737-1819) and Nepal celebrates the King's Birthday.
Among those born on this day were Ben Johnson (1572), John Constable (1776), Millicent Garrett Fawcett (1847), Richard Strauss (1864), Charles Fabry (1867), Jeannette Rankin (1880), Jacques-Yves Cousteau (1910), Vince Lombardi (1913), William Styron (1925), Tab Hunter (1931), Gene Wilder (1935), Ox Van Hoften (1944), and Joe Montana (1956).
On June eleventh Troy was captured (1184 BCE), Captain Cook ran aground on the Great Barrier Reef (1770), the first known auto race was held (1895), New Zealand annexed the Cook Islands (1901), Sir Barton became the first horse to win the triple crown (1919), the Presbyterian Church of America was founded (1936), A Day at the Races was released (1937), FDR fed the King & Queen of England (George VI & Elizabeth) hot dogs (1939), sugar rationing finally ended (1947), Bowie released Space Oddity (1969), Seattle Slew took the Triple Crown (1977), and Margaret Thatcher won a third term (1987).
Night Sky, 6/11: Bright Venus and the thin crescent Moon form a mystic pair low in the west-northwest in twilight. They'll be 3° or 4° apart for sky watchers near the US East Coast, and only 2° by the time of twilight for the West Coast. Your best view might be about 40 or 50 minutes after sunset, before they get too low. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Image of the Week: Simone Biles picking up her 7th US Gymnastics Championship this week
This Week: Saturday, June 12 – Family Fitness and Health Day & National Jerky Day & World Bike Naked Day
Sunday, June 13 – Children's Sunday & National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day & Roller Coaster Day
Night Sky, 6/13: After dark, look south-southeast for orange Antares, "the Betelgeuse of summer." (Both are 1st-magnitude "red" super giants). Around and upper right of Antares are the other whiter stars of upper Scorpius, forming their distinctive pattern. The rest of the Scorpion extends down toward the horizon.
Monday, June 14 – The Army's Birthday & Flag Day & Family History Day
Tuesday, June 15 – Global Wind Day & Magna Carta Day & Native American Citizenship Day
Wednesday, June 16 – Bloomsday & Fudge Day
Night Sky, 6/16: The Big Dipper hangs high in the northwest right after dark. The Dipper's Pointers, currently its bottom two stars, point lower right toward Polaris. Above Polaris, and looking very similar to it, is Kochab, the lip of the Little Dipper's bowl. Kochab stands precisely above Polaris around the end of twilight or a little after.
Thursday, June 17 – Bartender Day & National Garbage Man Day & World Tapas Day
Last Christmas Santa wrapped everything with duct tape; we're still trying to open gifts. / I do not lack sophistication. After all, I made these duct tape flowers for my flip flops.
..........But Moondust will cover you.........David Bowie …..Hallo Spaceboy
^^ There are about 800 kernels in 16 rows on each ear of corn.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Did you know that if you garden naked, your neighbors will build a privacy fence at no cost to you. --Submitted by rc or kc
Moonbeam: ‘The evil state of the law, the evil state of the general tone of public opinion in regard to morals, is an outcome of the subjection of women, of the notion that women are possessions or chattels, with whom men are freely justified in dealing as they please.’ --Millicent Garrett Fawcett
Video of the Week: In 1963 Salvador Dali appeared on I've Got A Secret and painted a picture with shaving cream. Salvador Dali on "I've Got a Secret" part 2 of 2 - YouTube
Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie drivin' that train ...you better watch your speed
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: You thought you were safe in the next room or crouched behind that couch. Think again. The Nerf Rival Curve Shot fires foam ammo that can turn left or right or down, which means, truly, there is no place for America's younger brothers to hide. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell me 6/5/21
The greatest threat to peace is the barrage of rightist propaganda portraying war as decent, honorable, and patriotic. --Jeannette Rankin
Duct tape; turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942. / If it can't be fixed with duct tape then you aren't using enough duct tape.
..........And the spiders from Mars.........David Bowie …..Ziggy Stardust
^^^ The corncob or ear of corn is actually part of the plant's flower.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring ...”How to Build a Boat. --Steven Wright
Weird Word of the Week: Muliebrious – effeminate “The muliebrous features could have been man or woman or creature from the stories his grandmother had told. World Wide Words: Muliebrious
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove pet hair from furniture. Spray a tissue with Alberto VO5 Hair Spray and, while the tissue is sticky, pick up those shed hairs. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses
Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Bruce Campbell of Kansas City, Mo. Name a title character from books and TV (5, 5). You can rearrange the letters to get two words describing what you can hear and do in church. What character is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 11/22/20
Duct tape: Holding the world together one crack at a time. / Life Tip #319: Duct tape should never be used for painful practical jokes.
...........Sailors fighting in the dance hall.........David Bowie …..Life On Mars?
^^^^ A bushel of corn will sweeten more than 400 cans of Coca-Cola.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn pizza into breakfast. --Submitted by INRITH
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Armageddon Tauranga (12-13th, Tauranga, New Zealand) Experience the Incredible Tauranga - Armageddon Expo
Actual Science Conference of the Week: Psychopathology and Therapeutic Assessment (10-11, Copenhagen, Denmark) ...a significant number of diverse scholarly events... International Conference on Psychopathology and Therapeutic Assessment ICPTA in June 2021 in Copenhagen (waset.org)
Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Perry Mason → Pray, Sermon
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. / Duct Tape: It can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
..........O, my nuclear baby.........David Bowie …..New Killer Star
^^^^^ Corn is America's number one field crop. Corn leads all other crops in value and volume of production.
Phrase of the Week: Emotional Support Vodka
Extreme Topiary of the Week: Duct Tape Topiary
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I never feel more alone than when I'm trying to put sunscreen on my back. --Jimmy Kimmel
Today's Peace of History: June 11, 1962: Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) held its founding convention in Michigan and issued The Port Huron Statement, laying out its principles and program. “In social change or interchange, we find violence to be abhorrent because it requires generally the transformation of the target, be it a human being or a community of people, into a depersonalized object of hate. It is imperative that the means of violence be abolished and the institutions—local, national, international—that encourage non-violence as a condition of conflict be developed.”
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. / A roll of duct tape walks into a bar. Bartender, polishing up a glass, asks politely: “What can I get you?” The duct tape looks around, thinks for a moment and says, “I think I’ll just stick to my usual.”
..........I watched it for a little while.........David Bowie …..Satellite Of Love
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 11, 2021, Stuck Up ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: ‘The real protection women needed was the power to protect themselves.’ --Millicent Garrett Fawcett
Cost of War:
As of 6/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,137,518,799,081.
As of 6/03/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,135,545,300,581.
As of 610/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,041,605,061,832.
As of 6/03/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,040,263,695,243.
As of 6/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $859,103,649,529.
As of 6/03/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $857,417,475,192.
As of 6/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,887,179,615.
As of 6/03/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,503,959,275.
As of 6/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,389,115,326,431.
As of 6/03/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,383,731,078,996.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
We'd be the safest country in the world if the world knew we didn't have a gun. Men are not killed because they get mad at each other. They're killed because one has a gun. --Jeannette Rankin
Famous Last Words: ...toward Richmond, the North, the oncoming night. --William Styron Lie Down In Darkness
..........And there's nothing I can do.........David Bowie …..Space Oddity
My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license. / I just made a book out of duct tape! That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
May Peace make your days beautiful
And Joy make your nights a delight
prairie mama
christine
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