ePistle Bibliotek

 Famous First Words: These eyes cry every night... Guess Who These Eyes

It's American Library Week. A clever librarian put books that had been recently weeded from the collection into brown paper bags and offered them free to patrons as “Blind Book Dates”. / The Librarian is a member of a small elite group of senior Librarians of Time and Space who have the knowledge and ability to travel through L-Space, an extra-dimensional space that connects all libraries and other large accumulations of books. --Terry Pratchett A description of the librarian at Unseen University for Wizards.

..........They have their silent noons, tearful nights, angry dawns.........Carly Simon …..That's The Way I've Always Hear It Should Be

“‘Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.’” --George Orwell

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The air is cool (76°F) but moisture laden and there is a thick layer of grayish white without texture or mark across the sky. Underneath that are groups of small gray lumps that look as if they are fresh out of the cloud-biscuit oven. They travel – very slowly in groups of a dozen or so. A light, almost fragile breeze drifts by now and again; it kisses the cheek and travels on without moving clothing or tree branches. The world is green – a dozen shades of it are visible no matter which direction I look; and it is broken up by a dozen other colors...white clover flowers, orange trumpet flowers, a rainbow wading pool, the saga blue of the finally finished storage shed. Puck barks at rabbits and squirrels and other dogs and even at nothing. He is so happy to wander about telling the world good morning or go to hell, it's hard to say which. We finish our walk and return indoors. Puck drinks an amazing amount of water and I doctor my cup of decaf to make it creamy and sweet. Puck comes to me for a little love and then settles into his early morning nap. I sit down at my computer and think about you. All this suggests it will be a very good day.

Hope your weekend fills a book, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In 30 years, I've moved from being a moderate Democrat to a flaming socialist ultra-liberal without changing one position. --Submitted by bu of ks

Our most popular title on the subject is Cases of Amnesia. The library owns 10 copies of it because it seems to take readers about 3-6 months past the due date to return it. / Cutting libraries during a recession is like cutting hospitals during a plague. --Eleanor Crumblehulme

..........And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you.........Carly Simon …..Anticipation

Trivia Questions: Custer last stood...

^ By what name is the Battle of Little Bighorn known to the Lakota?

^^ Who were the indigenous forces that Custer faced?

^^^ Where is the Little Bighorn, more or less?

^^^^ How many men did Custer command and how many did he lose?

^^^^^ The Battle of Little Bighorn was one battle in what war?

Big Hello: Kuzu zangpo la – Dzongkha (Tibet) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How soon after waking up is it okay to take a nap? --Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Here's Max the stocking footed fireman in what appears to be a jack-o-lantern shirt. I'd let him rescue me any day.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Top items librarians name after literary characters: 3. cats 2. children 1. body parts. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Our local library has just added a Stranger Than Fiction section. They shelved it on the far side of fiction. Most of the titles are political history. / You're right. No human being would stack books like this. --Dr Peter Venkman Ghostbusters

..........a hero in the footlights.........Carly Simon …..Legend In Your Own Time

Moonbeam: Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematics of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour. --Mike Myers

Meditation Seed of the Week: If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: From a programmer's point of view, the user is a peripheral that types when you issue a read request. --Peter Williams

Week of the Week: Old Time Fiddlers Week (21-26) --What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? 1) A fiddle is fun to listen to. 2) Nobody minds if you spill beer on a fiddle. / Fiddle players motto: It's better to be sharp than out of tune.

Have you seen the library's new Books on Tape Section? It has Duct and Masking and Packing. / I really didn't realize that librarians were, you know, such a dangerous group. They are subversive. You think they're just sitting there at the desk, all quiet and everything. They're like, plotting the revolution, man. I wouldn't mess with them. ---Michael Moore

..........We could have shown them all.........George Michael …..Kissing A Fool

^ It is known as the Battle of the Greasy Grass from the Lakota. The “greasy” appearance of the grass in the waters near the battle site gave rise to this name.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 25, 2021. The moon was full (Strawberry) yesterday and is in Capricorn. It is Color TV Day (CBS), Day of The Seafarer, Global Beatles Day, Global Smurfs Day, Leon Day, National Catfish Day, National Police Community Cooperative Day, and Take Your Dog To Work Day. Because it is the fourth Friday, it is International Rose Day. And because it is the last Friday in June, it is also Drive Your Corvette to Work Day and National Food Truck Day.

Among those born on this day were Antonio Gaud (1852), Robert Henri (1865), George Orwell (1903), Peter Lind Hayes (1915), Sidney Lumet (1924), June Lockhart (1925), Robert Venturi (1925), Gary Crosby (1933), Carly Simon (1945), Jimmie Walker (1949), George Michael (1963), and Mike Myers (1963).

On June twenty-fifth the fork was introduced to American dining (1630), the first recorded monthly Quaker meeting was held (Sandwich, MA, 1672), Virginia became the 10th state to ratify the US constitution (1788), Congress passed the Alien Act (1798), Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Georgia, North and South Carolina were readmitted to the US (1868), Die Valkyrie premiered (1870), Custer was defeated at Little Bighorn (1876), Boulder aka Hoover Dam was authorized (1929), the first commercial color television show was broadcast (Arthur Godfrey, 1951), The Guess Who release These Eyes (`1969), Mozambique gained independence from Portugal (1975), and the Supreme Court upheld male-only draft registration (1981).

Night Sky, 6/25: Leo the Lion is mostly a constellation of late winter and spring. But he's not gone yet. As twilight ends look due west, somewhat low, for Regulus, his brightest and now lowest star: the forefoot of the Lion stick figure. The Sickle of Leo extends upper right from Regulus. The rest of the Lion's constellation figure runs upper left from there for a couple of fist-widths, to his tail star Denebola, the highest. He'll soon be treading offstage into the sunset. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Sha'Carri Richardson qualified for the US Olympic team. She won in the 100 meter.

This Week: Saturday, June 26 – Harry Potter Day & National Canoe Day & Same Sex Marriage Day

Sunday, June 27 – Celebrate Joy Day & Descendants Day & IWW Day

Night Sky, 6/27: On the eastern side of the sky, the big Summer Triangle holds sway after dark. Its top star is Vega, the brightest in all the east. The brightest to Vega's lower left is Deneb. Farther to Vega's lower right is Altair. The Milky Way (if you have a dark sky) runs a little inside the Triangle's lower edge.

Monday, June28 – National Logistics Day & Please Take My Children To Work Day

Tuesday, June 29 – International Day of the Tropics & World Camera Day & International Mud Day

Wednesday, June 30 – Asteroid Day & National Meteor Watch Day & NOW (National Organization for Women) Day

Night Sky, 6/30: Venus (in Gemini) shines low in the west-northwest during twilight. Mars (in Cancer) glows very modestly in late twilight low in the west-northwest, upper left of Venus. Jupiter and Saturn (in Aquarius and Capricornus, respectively) rise in the middle of the night, Jupiter about an hour after Saturn. Uranus (in Aries) is low in the east just before dawn begins. Neptune (in Aquarius 20° east of Jupiter) is well up in the southeast before dawn.

Thursday, July 1 – Canada Day & Medicare Birthday & Zip Code Day

My son left me a note saying he was going to the Lieberry. Later, when I told him he had misspelled Library, he said, “No, I meant I was going to the fiction section.” / A trained librarian is a powerful search engine with a heart. --Sarah McIntyre

..........Opp de doop, the world a merry-go-round.........Peter Lind Hayes …..The Little Tune That Ran Away

^^ Custer's Last Stand was an armed engagement between combined forces of the Lakota, Northern Cheyenne, and Arapoho tribe and the 7^th Cavalry Regiment of the US Army.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How To Workk From Home wth Yor Chil,d SittiNG ON Yoour/ Lappppppp --Submitted by McSweeney's

Moonbeam: All good work requires self-revelation. --Sidney Lumet

Video of the Week: Peter Lind Hayes and his wife Mary Healy singing Be Kind To Your Web Footed Friends My mother used to sing this song – but only the last chorus.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Vintner Ollie stomping grapes

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: President Biden and Vladimir Putin met in Geneva on Wednesday for another important summit where the U.S. and Russia ask each other to stop doing something. And then they both laugh and keep doing that thing. As always, these summits aren't about issues but stagecraft and dominance displays. Biden scheduled his arrival after Putin, so Putin couldn't keep him waiting, then very deliberately put out his hand and made Putin step forward to shake it, right? In response, Putin then urinated on Air Force One. And both of them inflated their throat pouches to appear larger. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 2/19/21

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. --George Orwell

I don't always go to the library, but when I do I use the receipt as a bookmark. / In the nonstop tsunami of global information, librarians provide us with floaties and teach us to swim. --Linton Weeks

..........A day I hear a different story.........Wham with George Michael …..Wake Me Up Before You Go-go

^^^ The battle took place along the Little Bighorn River in the Crow Indian Reservation in southeastern Montana Territory. It is in the southeast corner of Montana.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Walmart has Father's Day cards in packs of 5. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Ostrobogulous – something weird peculiarity if it is mildly risqué, indecent, or pornographic. World Wide Words: Ostrobogulous

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean scuff marks from shoes. Spray a little Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the mark and rub forcefully with a towel or washcloth. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Sandy Weisz, of Chicago. Name a famous woman in American history with a three-part name. Change one letter in her first name to a double letter. The resulting first and second parts of her name form the first and last names of a famous athlete. And the last part of the woman's name is a major rival of that athlete. Who are these people? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 6/20/21

So many people come in and don't know the name or the author but they remember the cover was blue and it was really thick. Should we start shelving books by color and size? / Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation. --Walter Cronkite

...........You know what? In second gear this rod will clock at eighty.........Peter Lind Hayes …..I Want To Be A Car

^^^^ The U.S. 7th Cavalry, a force of 700 men, suffered a major defeat while commanded by Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer. Five of the 7th Cavalry's twelve companies were annihilated and Custer was killed, as were two of his brothers, a nephew, and a brother-in-law. The total U.S. casualty count included 274 dead and 49 severely wounded.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I got myself a seniors' GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Villicon 2021 (26, Orlando, FL) Unleash Your Darker Side Villicon 2021 Information | SciFiCons.com

Actual Science Conference of the Week: NanoMatEn 2021 (23-25, Paris, France) Meet the potential future challenges that humankind will face... NanoMaterials for Energy & Environment, NanoMatEn 2021 (setcor.org) ~~One wonders how many of those challenges will be caused by science.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Lady Bird Johnson --> Larry Bird, (Magic) Johnson

During the pandemic our library was open by appointment only. I tried to get in four times but they were overbooked. / When in doubt, go to the library. --J K Rowling

..........Let the dreamers wake the nation.........Carly Simon …..Let The River Run

^^^^^ The engagement was one in a series of battles and negotiations between Plains Indians and US forces over control of Western territory, collectively known as the Sioux Wars.

Quote of the Week: Binden and Putin met at this Swiss estate. You may recognize it as the haunted asylum in every horror movie. --Jimmy Fallon Here's a picture.

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There's a new guy at work called Wayne Bruce and I said “Ah, my old nemesis ManBat” and nobody got it. Honestly, I am wasted here. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, June 25, 1903: Marie Curie successfully defended her doctoral thesis on radioactive substances becoming the first woman in France to receive a doctoral degree.

I have a cousin who is a librarian. He decided he needed to be more “street” so he formed a gang but it turned into a book club. / I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of a library. --Jorge Luis Borges

..........Why'd you have to be so good.........Carly Simon …..Nobody Does It Better

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 25, 2021, ePistle Bibliotek. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/

Moonbeam: If you're lucky you live long enough to see the bad results of your good ideas. --Robert Venturi

Cost of War:

As of 6/24/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,141,463,900,815.

As of 6/17/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,139,607,915,823.

As of 6/24/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,044,286,109,218.

As of 6/17/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,043,024,855,398.

As of 6/24/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $862,473,895,768.

As of 6/17/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $860,888,566,411.

As of 6/24/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $351,653.141,769.

As of 6/17/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $351,292,835,858.

As of 6/24/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,399,877,901,927.

As of 6/17/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,394,814,003,758.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act. --George Orwell

Famous Last Words: ...the fire never passes through. --Wotan The Valkyries

..........I bet you think this song is about you.........Carly Simon …..You're So Vain

People become librarians because they know too much. / Google can bring you back 100,000 answers, a librarian can bring you back the right one. --Neil Gaiman

May you practice Peace

And learn Joy

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Father of ePistles

Famous First Words: The American Library Association affirms that all libraries are forums for information and ideas... Library Bill of Rights

Happy Father's Day! Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. --Ray Romano / Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. --Nate Smith

..........Mama, he's awfully nice to me.........Kay Kyser …..Ma! He's Making Eyes at Me

Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world --UN International Declaration of Human Rights

It is a bright, bright, sunshiny Friday. It is also a muggy (61%)** hot ( 84°F) Friday. The sky has no organized clouds but wisps of humidity can be seen in thin sheets across the sky. A steady south wind cools the body and cheers the mind. The world is green and lush. It smells of dust and heat. Unseen birds sing unfamiliar songs from the canopy of tree limbs shading part of the sidewalk. It gives Puck a place to sit and rest a moment before we walk on. He stops at the house that used to have dogs and barks a few times to show he remembers. We are both getting more forgetful. When there is no shade on the sidewalk, Puck sticks to the lawn sniffing every blade of grass because you never know... After his second need to rest, we return home where he drinks deeply from his freshly filled water bowl and retreats to his dog-cave under the bed. I fix myself a cup of hot decaf and some iced water and sit down to write to you.

Hope yours is the father of all weekends, ePistliers

**In Salt Lake City people complained about the humidity when it reached double digits.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I love you more than yesterday. Yesterday you got on my nerves. --Submitted by INRITH

I am currently helping my son search for his chocolate bar that I ate last night. / Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them responsibility for 24 to 36 hours. --Conan O'Brien

..........Let's float down to Peru........Sammy Cahn …..Come Fly With Me

Trivia Questions: Happy Flip-Flops Friday!.

^ Any idea when flip-flops were first used?

^^ Of what materials are today's flip-flops made?

^^^ When did flip-flops first become popular in the US?

^^^^ Care to guess how big the flip-flop business really is?

^^^^^ What other names do flip-flops go by?

Big Hello: Daag - Dutch https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Man is not a rational animal; he is a rationalizing animal. --Robert Heinlein Tunnel In The Sky

Max Picture of the Week: Max seeking creative new ways to use a desk.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 90% of librarians have a favorite book they will tell you and a real favorite book they tell no one. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Yes, I'm a dad, but I still like to party...and by party I mean binge on Netflix and take naps. / The best part of parenting is the day you realize that you have become everything that you hated about your parents.

..........There are places I'll remember........Beatles with Paul McCartney …..In My Life

Moonbeam: I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. --John D Rockefeller

Meditation Seed of the Week: If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. --Submitted by eg of mt

Week of the Week: Royal Ascot (15-19) --George said to Fred, ‘I put $20 on a horse last week and he came in at twenty five to one.’, ‘Wow! you must be loaded’, said Fred. ‘Not really’ said George, ‘the rest of the field came in at twelve thirty.’ / What do you call a promiscuous pony? A Little Whorse!

Grounding is no longer an effective threat (own tv, laptop, itunes), so now we threaten to make them come out in public and be seen with us. / If a three-foot cute-looking bratty thing has not hurled “I don't like you” at you even once, it means that you have not succeeded as a parent.

..........I hope you're having fun........Wings with Paul McCartney …..Band On The Run

^ It is estimated that flip-flops were first used around 4,000 B.C, according to Ancient Egyptian murals. However, the first documented account of flip-flops being worn is from 15,000 years ago during the Stone Age.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 18, 2021. The moon was at first-quarter yesterday and is in Libra. It is Autistic Pride Day, International Sushi Day, National Black America's Day of Repentance, National Splurge Day (since 1994), Sustainable Gastronomy Day, Work@Home Father's Day, and Worldwide Knit (and crochet) in Public Day. Because it is Father's Day Weekend it is Dollars Against Diabetes Days. And because it is the third Friday it is also National Flip Flop Day, Take Back The Lunch Break Day, and Ugliest Dog Day. Finally because it is the Friday of Men's Health Week it is Wear Blue Day.

Among those born on this day were William Lassell (1799), James Flagg (1877), Philip Barry (1896), Jeanette MacDonald (1901), Jimmy Dale (1901), Kay Kyser (1906), Bud Collyer (1908), E G Marshall (1910), Sammy Cahn (1913), Sylvia Porter (1913), John D Rockefeller (1937), Paul McCartney (1942), Roger Ebert (`1942), Carol Kane (1952), and Isabella Rossellini (1952).

On June eighteenth the Giordano Bruno crater was created on the moon (1178), the British military evacuated Philadelphia (1778), the US declared war on Britain (1812), the Woman's Suffrage Convention was held (Boston, 1872), Susan B Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote (1873), the first Macadamia nut was planted in Hawaii (1892), Amusement Pier opened (Atlantic City, 1898), the first bicycle traffic court was established (Racine, 1936), the American Library Association adopted the Library Bill of Rights (1948), the NCAA made urine testing mandatory (1973), and Blues Brothers premiered (1980).

Night Sky, 6/18: Now the Moon shines close to 3rd-magnitude Gamma (γ) Virginis, or Porrima. This is a fine, close, equal-brightness double star for telescopes. The components are 3.1 arcseconds apart now and widening slightly year by year. They're both F1 stars somewhat larger and hotter than the Sun, shining from 39 light-years away. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Solar Eclipse June 10, 2021

This Week: Saturday, June 19 – Juneteenth & International Surfing Day & Mermaid Day

Sunday, June 20 – American Eagle Day & Father's Day & Midsummer Day aka Summer Solstice

Night Sky, 6/20: Spring ends and summer begins, astronomically

Monday, June 21 – International Day of Yoga & Make Music Day & World Giraffe Day

Tuesday, June 22 – Positive Media Day & World Rainforest Day

Wednesday, June 23 – International Widows' Day & Let It Go Day & Typing Day

Night Sky, 6/23: We're getting into the time of year when the two brightest stars of summer, Arcturus and Vega, are about equally high overhead as evening grows late: Arcturus toward the southwest, Vega toward the east. Arcturus and Vega are 37 and 25 light-years away, respectively. They represent the two commonest types of naked-eye star: a yellow-orange K giant and a white A main-sequence star. They're 150 and 50 times brighter than the Sun, respectively — which, combined with their nearness, is why they dominate the evening star-scene.

Thursday, June 24 – Festival of Goodwill & National Handshake Day & Stonewall Monument Day

Sure fire ways to get your child's attention: 1)Join a Zoom meeting 2)Go to the bathroom 3)open a chocolate bar. / My child is turning out just like me. Well played, Karma, well played.

..........Ooh, Help me understand........Beatles with Paul McCartney …..Maybe I'm Amazed

^^ While we have flip-flops that are made from leather, suede, foam, rubber, plastic, hemp, and more, did you know they are made with other unconventional materials in other places in the world? •Ancient Egypt used papyrus and palm leaves •The Masai tribe in Africa used rawhide to make their flip-flops. •In China and Japan, the people used rice straw •Flip-flops in Mexico were made from the yucca plant •People in India used wood for their flip-flops •South Americans used leaves of the sisal plant to make twine for their flip-flops

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Male escorts should be called prostidudes. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough. --Roger Ebert

Video of the Week: Blues Brothers soundtrack … She Caught the Katy

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie liberating the pans from their small dark cell

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Peter Sagal: This week, law enforcement agencies from around the world announced a simultaneous arrest of 800 organized crime members thanks to an app secretly created by the FBI called AN0M, which is a great name if you think about it because AN0M sounds like it's anonymous, but it's not. Criminals were sending messages to each other, but the FBI saw all of it. And the sad thing is it clearly said, oh, the FBI is monitoring everything you say in the terms and conditions. But nobody ever reads that. Alonso Bodden: I honestly did not know there was still organized crime. I thought everything they used to do has been legalized, right? --Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 6/12/21

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person --UN International Declaration of Human Rights

Parenting is a science. Everyday is an experiment. / According to my children, the perfect amount of time to stay at the park is five more minutes.

..........'Cause here I go again........Wings with Paul McCartney …..Silly Love Songs

^^^ Flip-flops first became popular in America when soldiers came home from World War II with Japanese zori.” They became increasingly popular by the 1950’s and were being mass-produced throughout the United States.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I feel like I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Weird Word of the Week: Nihilartikel – deliberately invalid entries in guides, dictionaries, etc. included to reveal copyright infringements by competitors. Example: World Wide Words: Nihilartikel

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent runs in pantie hose. Spray a light coat of Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the legs of your nylon pantry hose. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: Write down the name of a country plus its capital, one after the other. Hidden in consecutive letters inside this is the name of a film that won an Academy Award for Best Picture. Name the country, capital, and film.

Welcome to parenthood. Your full-time job is now putting throw pillows back on the couch. / Don't yell for your children, open a bag of chips and they will appear out of nowhere.

...........There will be an answer........Beatles with Paul McCartney …..Let It Be

^^^^ It is estimated that producing flip-flops is a $20 billion industry.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I gave this homeless guy $5 and an old lady behind me told me he's just going to use it for drugs, so I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for $5 --Submitted by sb of ar

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Black Hills Con 2021 (18-19, Rapid City, SD) – Dress up as your favorite characters and enjoy family friendly activities and presentations. Home (blackhillscon.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Abstraction and Abstract Mathematics (17-18, Riga, Latvia) --provides an exceptional value for students, academics and industry researchers. International Conference on Abstraction and Abstract Mathematics ICAAM in June 2021 in Riga (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bahrain, Manama → Rain Man

Parenthood: When it takes longer to get everyone into the car than to run the actual errand. / I asked my dad if I was adopted. He said “Not yet, but we have placed an ad.”

..........You were only waiting for this moment to arise........Beatles with Paul McCartney …..Blackbird

^^^^^ While we call them flip-flops, here are other names for the footwear from around the world: •Tongs – Cambodia •Dacas – Somalia •Vietnamki – Ukraine & Russia •Djapanki – Bulgaria •Sayonares – Greece •Japonki – Poland •Chinelos – Brazil •Slops – South Africa •Schalpfen – Germany •Zori – Japan and •Thongs – Australia

Quote of the Week: A chance? Oh, my God. “There’s a novel respiratory coronavirus overtaking Wuhan, China—what do we do?” “Oh, you know who we could ask? The Wuhan Novel Respiratory Coronavirus Lab.” The disease is the same name as the lab. … “There’s been an outbreak of chocolaty goodness near Hershey, Pennsylvania. What do you think happened?” “Oh, I don’t know, maybe a steam shovel mated with a cocoa bean. Or it’s the f**king chocolate factory! Maybe that’s it!” --Jon Stewart The Late Show with Stephen Colbert 6/14/21

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We should raise the minimum wage to $17.76 hr. Then rename it “Patriot Pay”. --Darth James R LeVan

Today's Peace of History, June 18, 1948: A United Nations commission approved and recommended to the General Assembly an International Declaration of Human Rights, recognizing that “the inherent dignity and . . . the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world . . . .”

Today's Peace of History, June 18, 1983: Sally Ride became the first US woman in space (7th Shuttle Mission of Challenger 2).

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again. / Parenthood is a journey except it's just traveling from room to room all day long putting away the same toys.

..........It doesn't show signs of stopping........Sammy Cahn …..Let It Snow

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 18, 2021, Father of ePistles. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Invest in yourself, in your education. There's nothing better. --Sylvia Porter

Cost of War:

As of 6/17/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,139,607,915,823.

As of 6/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,137,518,799,081.

As of 6/17/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,043,024,855,398.

As of 610/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,041,605,061,832.

As of 6/17/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $860,888,566,411.

As of 6/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $859,103,649,529.

As of 6/17/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $351,292,835,858.

As of 6/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,887,179,615.

As of 6/17/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,394,814,003,758.

As of 6/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,389,115,326,431.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment. --UN International Declaration of Human Rights

Famous Last Words: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank, half pack of cigarettes, it's dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it Blues Brothers

..........You'd hear the patter of his feet........Kay Kyser …..The Old Lamplighter

88% of parenting is saying “it's bedtime” 150 times between 8 and 9 pm. / The good news is you got a 100% on your child's essay on summer vacation.

May Peace surround you

And Joy encompass you

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Stuck Up ePistle

 Famous First Words: In those days cheap apartments were almost impossible to find... William Styron Sophie's Choice

The 2021 Duct Tape Days have been canceled. But here are a few jokes to keep the tradition alive. Anything is possible with the right attitude, a sledge hammer, and some duct tape. / Archeologists just discovered an Egyptian pharaoh wrapped in duct tape. They've named it the redneck mummy.

..........Ground Control to Major Tom.........David Bowie …..Space Oddity

“You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake” ― Jeannette Rankin

It is a muggy Friday morning; our temperature is already 86°F and the humidity is 70%. The sky is graced with cute fluffy clouds and several spots where the humidity is so dense it is visible. A stiff breeze keeps the willows in near constant motion but does not cool the skin as it passes by. The world is green and green and green. It smells of green and it feels like green. To emphasis the green, white puffs of cottonwood seeds float lazily (even in the wind) like tiny clouds with some destination in mind but enjoying the ride so much they have no particular incentive to arrive. Birds too are adding still more motion by flitting in and out of tree and stopping at the top of the utility pole to survey the world before swooping off again. Yet, I spend little time on the patio; instead, I retreat and close the door quickly. It is cool inside and the hum of the air conditioner promises to keep it that way. I fix myself a creamy, artificially sweetened decaf...steamy in my nose and hot against my hand. Now I sit to sip the sweetness and write to you. Can't think of a better morning.

Hope your weekend holds it all together, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Chocolate is vital for our survival. Dinosaurs didn't have chocolate and look what happened to them... --Submitted by INRITH

What's the difference between Scientists and Engineers? Scientists use complex formulas to solve problem, and engineers use duct tape. / Humans: The one thing duct tape can't fix

..........Where the eagle dare not fly.........David Bowie …..Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud

Trivia Questions: Happy Corn On The Cob Day

^ Which continents on Earth raise corn as a cash crop?

^^ How many rows are there on a cob of corn?

^^^ What part of the plant is the corncob, anyway?

^^^^ How much soft drink can you sweeten with a bushel of corn?

^^^^^ How important is corn to the American agricultural economy?

Big Hello: Misawa – Dholuo (Kenya, Sudan, & Tanzania) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious. --Steve Carrell as Michael Scott

Max Picture of the Week: Max the Handyman ...he fixes broken hearts, he truly can.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: When administration asks what can be done to improve the library 89% of staff ask to have the AC fixed. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Duct tape is like The Force; it has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the galaxy together. / When do you use duct tape on a duck? When it's quacked.

..........No one here can see you.........David Bowie …..Dancing Out In Space

Moonbeam: However benevolent men may be in their intentions, they cannot know what women want and what suits the necessities of women’s lives as well as women know these things themselves. --Millicent Garrett Fawcett

Meditation Seed of the Week: How important do you have to be before you are assassinated instead of murdered?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just dumped M&Ms into my mask so I can eat them like a horse. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: National Business Etiquette Week (6-12) –I'm sorry if I offended you by asking you to do your job. / Finding new ways to be lazy is probably the most productive thing you've done today.

My First Aid Kit contains whiskey and duct tape. / No, do not count on duct tape to hold down your house during a tornado.

..........of darkness and dismay.........David Bowie …..Lady Stardust

^ Farmers grow corn on every continent except Antarctica.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 11, 2021. The moon was new yesterday and is in Cancer. It is Corn on the Cob Day, National Cotton Candy Day, National Impressionists Day, and National Making Life Beautiful Day. In Hawaii it is King Kamehameha I Day (1737-1819) and Nepal celebrates the King's Birthday.

Among those born on this day were Ben Johnson (1572), John Constable (1776), Millicent Garrett Fawcett (1847), Richard Strauss (1864), Charles Fabry (1867), Jeannette Rankin (1880), Jacques-Yves Cousteau (1910), Vince Lombardi (1913), William Styron (1925), Tab Hunter (1931), Gene Wilder (1935), Ox Van Hoften (1944), and Joe Montana (1956).

On June eleventh Troy was captured (1184 BCE), Captain Cook ran aground on the Great Barrier Reef (1770), the first known auto race was held (1895), New Zealand annexed the Cook Islands (1901), Sir Barton became the first horse to win the triple crown (1919), the Presbyterian Church of America was founded (1936), A Day at the Races was released (1937), FDR fed the King & Queen of England (George VI & Elizabeth) hot dogs (1939), sugar rationing finally ended (1947), Bowie released Space Oddity (1969), Seattle Slew took the Triple Crown (1977), and Margaret Thatcher won a third term (1987).

Night Sky, 6/11: Bright Venus and the thin crescent Moon form a mystic pair low in the west-northwest in twilight. They'll be 3° or 4° apart for sky watchers near the US East Coast, and only 2° by the time of twilight for the West Coast. Your best view might be about 40 or 50 minutes after sunset, before they get too low. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Simone Biles picking up her 7^th US Gymnastics Championship this week

This Week: Saturday, June 12 – Family Fitness and Health Day & National Jerky Day & World Bike Naked Day

Sunday, June 13 – Children's Sunday & National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day & Roller Coaster Day

Night Sky, 6/13: After dark, look south-southeast for orange Antares, "the Betelgeuse of summer." (Both are 1st-magnitude "red" super giants). Around and upper right of Antares are the other whiter stars of upper Scorpius, forming their distinctive pattern. The rest of the Scorpion extends down toward the horizon.

Monday, June 14 – The Army's Birthday & Flag Day & Family History Day

Tuesday, June 15 – Global Wind Day & Magna Carta Day & Native American Citizenship Day

Wednesday, June 16 – Bloomsday & Fudge Day

Night Sky, 6/16: The Big Dipper hangs high in the northwest right after dark. The Dipper's Pointers, currently its bottom two stars, point lower right toward Polaris. Above Polaris, and looking very similar to it, is Kochab, the lip of the Little Dipper's bowl. Kochab stands precisely above Polaris around the end of twilight or a little after.

Thursday, June 17 – Bartender Day & National Garbage Man Day & World Tapas Day

Last Christmas Santa wrapped everything with duct tape; we're still trying to open gifts. / I do not lack sophistication. After all, I made these duct tape flowers for my flip flops.

..........But Moondust will cover you.........David Bowie …..Hallo Spaceboy

^^ There are about 800 kernels in 16 rows on each ear of corn.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Did you know that if you garden naked, your neighbors will build a privacy fence at no cost to you. --Submitted by rc or kc

Moonbeam: ‘The evil state of the law, the evil state of the general tone of public opinion in regard to morals, is an outcome of the subjection of women, of the notion that women are possessions or chattels, with whom men are freely justified in dealing as they please.’ --Millicent Garrett Fawcett

Video of the Week: In 1963 Salvador Dali appeared on I've Got A Secret and painted a picture with shaving cream. Salvador Dali on "I've Got a Secret" part 2 of 2 - YouTube

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie drivin' that train ...you better watch your speed

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: You thought you were safe in the next room or crouched behind that couch. Think again. The Nerf Rival Curve Shot fires foam ammo that can turn left or right or down, which means, truly, there is no place for America's younger brothers to hide. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell me 6/5/21

The greatest threat to peace is the barrage of rightist propaganda portraying war as decent, honorable, and patriotic. --Jeannette Rankin

Duct tape; turning "no-no-no" into "mm-mm-mm" since 1942. / If it can't be fixed with duct tape then you aren't using enough duct tape.

..........And the spiders from Mars.........David Bowie …..Ziggy Stardust

^^^ The corncob or ear of corn is actually part of the plant's flower.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring ...”How to Build a Boat. --Steven Wright

Weird Word of the Week: Muliebrious – effeminate “The muliebrous features could have been man or woman or creature from the stories his grandmother had told. World Wide Words: Muliebrious

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove pet hair from furniture. Spray a tissue with Alberto VO5 Hair Spray and, while the tissue is sticky, pick up those shed hairs. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Bruce Campbell of Kansas City, Mo. Name a title character from books and TV (5, 5). You can rearrange the letters to get two words describing what you can hear and do in church. What character is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 11/22/20

Duct tape: Holding the world together one crack at a time. / Life Tip #319: Duct tape should never be used for painful practical jokes.

...........Sailors fighting in the dance hall.........David Bowie …..Life On Mars?

^^^^ A bushel of corn will sweeten more than 400 cans of Coca-Cola.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn pizza into breakfast. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Armageddon Tauranga (12-13^th, Tauranga, New Zealand) Experience the Incredible Tauranga - Armageddon Expo

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Psychopathology and Therapeutic Assessment (10-11, Copenhagen, Denmark) ...a significant number of diverse scholarly events... International Conference on Psychopathology and Therapeutic Assessment ICPTA in June 2021 in Copenhagen (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Perry Mason → Pray, Sermon

If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. / Duct Tape: It can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

..........O, my nuclear baby.........David Bowie …..New Killer Star

^^^^^ Corn is America's number one field crop. Corn leads all other crops in value and volume of production.

Phrase of the Week: Emotional Support Vodka

Extreme Topiary of the Week: Duct Tape Topiary

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I never feel more alone than when I'm trying to put sunscreen on my back. --Jimmy Kimmel

Today's Peace of History: June 11, 1962: Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) held its founding convention in Michigan and issued The Port Huron Statement, laying out its principles and program. “In social change or interchange, we find violence to be abhorrent because it requires generally the transformation of the target, be it a human being or a community of people, into a depersonalized object of hate. It is imperative that the means of violence be abolished and the institutions—local, national, international—that encourage non-violence as a condition of conflict be developed.”

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. / A roll of duct tape walks into a bar. Bartender, polishing up a glass, asks politely: “What can I get you?” The duct tape looks around, thinks for a moment and says, “I think I’ll just stick to my usual.”

..........I watched it for a little while.........David Bowie …..Satellite Of Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 11, 2021, Stuck Up ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: ‘The real protection women needed was the power to protect themselves.’ --Millicent Garrett Fawcett

Cost of War:

As of 6/10/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,137,518,799,081.

As of 6/03/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,135,545,300,581.

As of 610/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,041,605,061,832.

As of 6/03/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,040,263,695,243.

As of 6/10/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $859,103,649,529.

As of 6/03/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $857,417,475,192.

As of 6/10/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,887,179,615.

As of 6/03/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,503,959,275.

As of 6/10/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,389,115,326,431.

As of 6/03/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,383,731,078,996.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We'd be the safest country in the world if the world knew we didn't have a gun. Men are not killed because they get mad at each other. They're killed because one has a gun. --Jeannette Rankin

Famous Last Words: ...toward Richmond, the North, the oncoming night. --William Styron Lie Down In Darkness

..........And there's nothing I can do.........David Bowie …..Space Oddity

My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license. / I just made a book out of duct tape! That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

May Peace make your days beautiful

And Joy make your nights a delight

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: